”The Gospel Shaped Husband” // Ephesians 5:25-32 // Lakeview Bible Church

Uh, this is week two of our

gospel-shaped home series. Last week, if

you were here, we talked about the

family big picture. What does God want

for a family? How has he designed it?

How's he wired it? What's what's the big

idea? What's a family for? We talked

about God's design out of Genesis. We

said, "Hey, look, um, one of the

foundational like rhythms that we all

want to develop as husbands and wives,

as parents, as married couples is like,

look, hey, um, it was his idea to put

you together. It was his idea to develop

families." So going back to him as a

regular process of like, okay Lord, what

do you have for us as a couple? What do

you have for us as parents? What do you

have for us as a family is the

foundational rhythm we want to set? We

gave you the image that you're sitting

around your dinner table and so you and

your spouse and like the father, son,

and spirit and you're like working

together on who are we, where we're

going. And so that's the foundation. And

then we said that the big idea around

God forming families, bringing a husband

and wife together is the cultivation of

godly virtue and godly practice. That

there are two institutions that the Lord

has placed in the world, namely the

church and the home where he wants to

make more and more and more and more and

more and more people look like his son.

That's the point. So this week and then

next week, we're going to shift our

focus today to husbands and next week to

wives. What does God have to say to us

as husbands about what we're supposed to

do? And um in addition to wives again

next week. So as we get going, just to

set some ground rules, right, so that

we're all in this together. Um what I'm

declaring over this space for the next

35 minutes or so is a no elbowing zone.

Okay? So, if you hear something that I

say and you're like, "Oh, I know a guy

who needs to hear that." Kabang, right?

Let's just let's dial that in. Let's

dial that in. Right? We're just going to

allow the Holy Spirit to speak and

handle those nudges as as you were. Um

the other thing that I want to make sure

that we get kind of set as we have this

conversation is I am going to speak

about men generally and women generally

because men generally do some things and

women generally do some things but I

know you know that's not a 100% answer

right and there will be times where I

say something or use an example and you

as a couple you're on the opposite sides

of whatever is general. Okay, you're not

doing it wrong. I'm not right. You're

not just interpolate, right? Go like,

okay, yeah, I've heard that before. You

know, and so we're just going to do the

change in the moment to say like, okay,

yeah, I see I see what he's saying.

Okay, fair. Okay. You're like, we'll

see. Um

but but where I do want to start again

just putting bricks in the foundation is

I want to talk about how men think

generally and how women think generally

like how does a guy's brain work

sometimes is the answer and how does a

woman's brain work. Okay, so I want to

give you this. This is I borrow this

illustration from back in the day. Uh

guy's name is Mark Gunger. Uh you can

still find him on on YouTube and some of

his stuff. Super funny. But um what he

unpacks and what I'm going to do for you

now is think about a guy's brain. Okay?

A guy's brain I want you to imagine is

just a room full of boxes and they're

neatly arranged and none of the boxes

touch. They're all in their space. And

when a guy wants to think about

something, he takes out like work. I'm

going to take out the work box. I'm

going to set it down. Notice no other

boxes are open. And I open that and now

I'm in my workbox and I'm focusing on my

workbox. Oh, my wife called. Close this

box. Put that up. Where's my wife box?

Sorry, my wife box.

I got to open that up. And here I am in

my wife box. Okay. Then we say, "All

right, babe. I'll make sure I do that."

Okay. Close that up. And then it's like,

"Okay, sports. Where's my sports box?

Oh, there it is." Boom. Right. So, we

just generally how he operates. Okay.

Um, women are a little different. Uh,

what I want you to imagine for a lady's

brain is a plate of spaghetti

where everything is touching and

everything is interwoven and everything

is like touching the other thing. So,

right. So, her relationship with her

kids is tied to a relationship with her

mother, which is tied to her friends,

which is tied to what she wants to eat

for lunch, which is tied for like why do

the eat everything. So now it's tied to

the HB run that she has to make, which

is tied to what you said at breakfast,

which you shouldn't have said. So now

that's in the mix. And then she started

to think about your mother-in-law and h

that's the whole thing. And it's all

like this high, but

okay, now I'm here to help.

So one of the reasons why, and again,

generally women use more words in an

average day than a man does. Well, one

of the reasons it's like a very good

reason for that because you are trying

to sort out a lot of those connections

and so you're talking it through to make

sense of all that beehive of activity,

right? They've done studies over the

years where they've literally um put

microphones in play areas of little

girls and little boys and little boys.

What you find is a lot of grunting,

right? and little girls like I'm talking

two three years old. There doesn't even

have to be another person in there.

Okay. So, all that is foundation because

right this we're focusing on men today.

Focusing on men. I need to tell you

about the man's most important box.

It's the box he loves the most. It's the

box he goes to most frequently. He just

loves being there.

the nothing box.

So, let me just describe an example of

what is most likely a man in the nothing

box. He's worked hard all day or all

week like last weekend the masters is on

and your husband may have done this

likely in the nothing box. So what may

happen sometimes is ladies you'll see

what are you doing

gentlemen what's the answer nothing

or or a lot of times just like a guy

just like zoned out sitting you know on

the porch or in his favorite chair and

the other question that'll come is

what are you thinking about

gentlemen. What's the answer?

>> Nothing.

Like here's what you need to realize for

a generally for a woman like what?

That's not possible. Like it's always

huming up here, is it not? It is.

Please. I'm looking to you right. Yeah.

Thank you.

It's just humming. But a man like

legitimately. So I asked my wife this

week as I'm preparing. I'm like, "Hey,

when you see me like zoned out in front

of the TV, like what actually is

happening in your head?" She's like,

"Oh, it's easy. I'll tell you." She's

like, "You're probably watching that

because of the argument we had three

weeks ago."

I'm like, "What? That's what happens in

there?" Holy cow. No. I'm like, I'm

barely thinking about what happened five

minutes ago. Um, so there you go.

There's the nothing box. Now, hold that,

gentlemen. You'll have to box that up

for a second. Put that back because I

will come back to the nothing box and

I'm going to help you in some serious

ways. Now, um, big picture, what we're

going to do today is we're going to

unpack what the Bible says about being a

husband. Because here, if again, I'm

going to talk to you about the different

things that I tend to see in guys, in

myself. And again, we said it same last

week. Um, most guys, there's two big

issues for husbands just getting going.

Uh,

they are focused more on what the

culture says a man should be versus what

Jesus says a man should be. They are

more culture-shaped than gospel-shaped.

Foundationally, if I were to say like

because like like really what are you

going after when you get down to that

answer? It's really what the culture

says up and to the right. your office,

bigger impact, bigger big dog in

whatever you want to be a big dog in.

That tends to be the answer. The second

challenge most guys have is you had a

poor model in the home you grew up in.

A lot of us

had fathers who did not do a great job

modeling what we're going to talk about

today. You are not behind. You are not

faded to make the same mistakes or to do

it like he did. Some of you did have a

godly example. Praise God for that. I'm

trying to do that, right? But my story

is I didn't have a great example. Okay.

I'm here to tell you as we get going,

your heavenly father

wants every husband to win.

He wants every dad to win. He wants you,

of all the things that you can be wildly

successful at, the top of your heavenly

father's list is husband and dad. I

promise you. And our God is in the

business of writing new endings and new

chapters regardless of what the previous

chapters look like. Yes. All right. So,

grab your Bibles. Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

How do we win? Here's what we're going

to unpack first. that the gospel-shaped

husband loves his wife sacrificially.

The gospel-shaped husband loves his wife

sacrificially.

Ephesians 5

starting in verse 25.

God's word says, "Husbands,

love your wives as Christ loved the

church and gave himself up for her, that

he might sanctify her, having cleansed

her by the washing of water with the

word, so that he might present the

church to himself in splendor without

spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that

she might be holy and without blemish.

Husbands, what are you supposed to do?

Simple. Right out of the gate, love your

wives. And same thing we did similarly

last week when we unpacked the phrase,

the two shall become one flesh. And we

showed like, man, there's a lot that's

built into what that phrase is. There is

a lot built in to this command, even

though it's a whole three words long.

Okay. So, there's a first thing I want

you to notice that the command which God

chooses, right? If God is in heaven and

he's thinking about, okay, I got to give

us some instructions to the husbands,

what command am I going to give them?

And he thinks through the rolodex of all

the commands that he has at his

disposal. Just notice, he picks the

highest one.

that there is actually no other command

in God's economy that is higher than

love. How do we know that? Greatest

commandment is what? Love God. Second is

like it. Love others. So God like

reaches up on the shelf. He grabs All

right, gents. Here's the deal. Love.

Why? Because next week when we talk

about the command of wives, you're

actually not commanded to love.

You're actually going to love your

husband, but you're going to do it

through a different command.

where God says, "Right to guys, nope.

This is it. Love." Why? Again, back to

Genesis chapter 2. In Genesis chapter 2,

Genesis 2 · chapter mention Genesis 2 · chapter mention

when God unpacks how he created

humanity, Adam is created first. God

looks at Adam, looks him dead in the

eye, and says, "All right, here's the

deal. You are to tend and keep the

creation that I put you in."

Tend keep basically means that Adam,

every man, your job is the things that

God has placed in your hands that you

are responsible for, you make flourish.

That they are better because you were

there. Tending and keeping men is that

whatever we're responsible for, that

thing runs, that thing hums, that

thing's getting better. like it's a guy

who is back to my marine court days

squared away. It's that kind of idea.

Then notice God creates Eve.

Eve is the pinnacle of creation.

Which means, gentlemen, the wife that

God has given you is number one on the

list of those things that you are

responsible for that you are meant to

see flourish.

We saw last week Genesis 2:24,

Genesis 2:24

husband, wife come together to become

one flesh. It's a family. So, gentlemen,

what is your job out of the gate? to see

your wife and your kids flourish in the

fullness of this is why you need be

around the dinner table with the father,

son, and spirit in the way that God says

for them to flourish.

That gentlemen is our number one job.

And let me just tell you right now,

okay,

I personally do not care if you are a

big dog in any field that you go after.

you are up and to the right. If your

wife and kids, they're actually the real

barometer of whether or not you're a

success.

Does that make sense?

Do not get the priorities out of order.

Who you are, gentlemen, is first who you

are as a husband and a father and then

whatever else you want to list below

that.

Notice

God has given men the highest

responsibility.

So he gives them the highest command.

Second thing I want us to notice is the

word itself. The word there love is the

Greek word agape.

That's important because it is the

selfsacrificial.

It is the selfgiving.

It is the my life laid down for you

word. It is the John 3:16.

John 3:16

For God so agapeed, for God so loved the

world that he did what? Gave.

Jesus laid his whole life down. That's

the word. So when you put these two

ideas together, you get the height of

the command and the depth. What I mean

by that, no higher command and there's

no place in our sacrificial service that

is too low for us to serve our wives and

our kids.

Third thing that we need to see

this command in and of itself,

I'll describe it this way, kills the sin

nature inherent in the flesh of every

man.

Like when a man goes bad, it primarily

goes bad because this sin that's inside

him that we all face as men and we all

battle as men has come to the four and

taken over and it's the sin of pacivity.

Where do you get that? Back to Genesis

again, but Genesis 3 this time.

In Genesis 3, Satan shows up in the

garden. He starts talking. Notice who

does Satan go after?

Eve.

And what should have happened? What

should have happened in the moment is

Adam sees

Satan talking to his wife and he's like,

"Hey, sweetheart, hold on a second. You

got something to say?

What did happen?"

So when the woman saw that the tree was

good for food, and that it was a delight

to the eyes, and that the tree was to be

desired to make one wise, she took of

its fruit and ate. And she also gave

some to her husband

who was off in another part of the

garden.

No, he was right there

and he ate.

Why? Because love is proactive.

Love is it doesn't really matter whether

or not I've been told I still know I

need to take care of what I need to take

care of.

If you're a guy in here and you have

people that work for you, you love the

proactive people,

right? Hey boss, we had this problem.

This happened. This is what I thought

about. So this is what I did and here's

how it went out. You love that person.

You know who you hate?

Hey, what's going on? Oh, you know,

boss, I got problem here. What are you

doing? Nothing.

What does a what does a godly husband

do? I take responsibility proactively.

No one has to come and tell me, "Okay,

well, no, Eric, you need to do this.

Eric, you need to do that." No, no, no.

Proactive. Now, all my single guys,

everyone in here, you're a single man.

How do you prepare to be a godly

husband? You start right now taking

responsibility for the things that you

have responsibility for.

You start practicing right now. You're

the kind of guy that those things that

you have to take care of, guess what?

You take care of them.

My single ladies,

who are you looking for in a future

husband? a guy who takes care of what

he's supposed to take care of. And

please hear me, do not think you're

gonna save anybody.

Do not make an accommodation for Yeah,

but he's really cute.

Nope.

If he cannot take care of himself, he's

not going to be great at taking care of

you.

That's my gift to all the single ladies.

Now, if you were to look to God and be

like, "Okay, God, appreciate it. I got

it." The whole love thing, man, that

really a lot of stuff in there. Can you

like what's in your head? Like, do you

have a picture in your head? Like, when

you say, "Husbands, love your wives."

Like, God, where does your brain go?

Look back at verse 25. God says, "Sure,

I'll give you a picture." Husbands, you

know how you're supposed to love your

wives? as Christ loved the church and

gave himself up for her. Again, notice

notice the continuity. God pulls the

highest command and he pulls the highest

expression of that command.

Jesus laying his life down for you and

I, gents, kind of like that.

And then verse 26, why like what what

was Jesus doing in laying his life down

for us? that he might sanctify, which is

to say, make holy, having cleansed her

by the washing of water with the word,

so that, notice this, there's a there's

an eternal reality, so that he might

present the church to himself in

splendor without spot or wrinkle or any

such thing, that she might be holy and

without blemish. How does this apply to

marriage? Like why does God use this

example when he's talking about marriage

and specifically the command to to

husbands? If if you ever come to a a

wedding that I do, you're going to hear

me say what I'm about to tell you.

What's the purpose of marriage?

The purpose of marriage is you as a

husband or wife partnering with God to

see another person look like Jesus.

That's the purpose of marriage. So God

comes to every husband. This is why like

like when I talk to couples in

premarital, I look at him. I'm like,

here's the deal. I look right at the

guy. Your job is to one day you're going

to get to heaven and you're going to get

to present her to her heavenly father.

Why? Because she's his daughter first.

And he's giving her to you and your job

is to see her radiant.

The other thing I tend to say is at

every wedding you're not just playing

dress up

where he looks better than he ever

looked in his life. Sucking in the gut.

She noticed usually white radiant.

You know what a wedding is? It's a dress

rehearsal

because those two people will stand

before their father one day and he's

gonna Listen to his gave you one of my

daughters. What you do with her?

She looks like you.

Well done.

Um, my wife and I uh got married in DC.

We uh packed up her townhouse. Took a

couple days. mover showed up, took

everything, put on a truck, and then we

flew from DC to the island of Kauaii uh

for our honeymoon. Uh if you haven't

been to Kauaii, you've seen it. Jurassic

Park, Raiders of the Lost Ark, King

Kong. It's that lush garden island. It

was amazing, right? We get there and

we're staying at a very nice resort on

the ocean. We get up our first morning

uh of our honeymoon, go down to the

breakfast, and it was one of those like

I love me a good hotel breakfast, but

this was next level. And how do you know

it's next level? There's an omelette

guy.

That's how you know you're in next level

breakfast, right? I love me the omelette

guy, right? I'm like, what do you got to

put in that bad boy? I'm want it all

except for the mushrooms. I don't do the

mushrooms or the spinach. I don't know

why you'd put spinach in a breakfast

dish. Um, so Heather goes to the buffet,

gets her plate, I get my plate, and we

sit down, I pray, and then I did

something that that come to find out was

a mistake. Um, so this is back in circa

2005, okay? You didn't have phones. You

know how you found out information? It's

called a newspaper.

And in hotels a lot of times like this

one, you would open your door in the

morning and sitting out in front of your

door was a USA Today. So we go out, I'm

like, "Oh, USA Today."

Okay, in my defense.

You're like, "Eric, you're caveing this

quite a lot." Um, in October, there's a

certain sports playoffs that is going

on,

and I wanted to see how the baseball

playoffs were. Okay, so we're back at

the table. Heather's sitting there. I'm

sitting there. Man, love this omelette

guy. Nice job, omelette guy.

Uhhuh. Okay.

And here's my wife.

And she's playing with the knife,

looking at me. And then she's then she

grabs it real hard. I can see the white

of her knuckles.

And you know, it's like you're a guy.

You're like, I'm not the sharpest tool

in the shed, but I know I did something

wrong. Hey babe, what's the matter?

It's our first breakfast on our

honeymoon. You pull out a paper.

Apparently,

what were we supposed to do?

I can't even eat right now. I love you

so much.

Can I tell you again how much I love

you? Because I so love you. So, I love

you. And so apparently what you're

supposed to do at least in the first

breakfast and pretty much all the meals

is just bask in your mail to bliss.

That's what you're supposed to do. Okay.

Um I missed that one. I missed that one.

Uh but here's I bring that up because um

here's how you love sacrificially.

Um,

a husband is attentive when his wife

needs him to be attentive regardless of

the things that he has on his list that

he wants to do.

Most of the time, if you're to ask me,

"Hey, Eric, um, what do you see couples

do that really gets them into trouble?"

It's not newspapers anymore.

Um,

these things are horrible.

Uh,

they're a good tool, but they will they

will mess with your relationships. I

promise you. Um, you've already done

this. You've looked around at other

couples and families when you've been

eating out and every person has this in

front of them. and your heart sank.

Here's what I've noticed, okay? And

here's my encouragement. Uh, gentlemen,

when you get home, you do not connect

with this thing until you connect with

your wife sufficiently and your kids, if

you have them sufficiently,

don't even get it out. Why? Same thing

happens to you that happens to me. I

just want to check the weather for

tomorrow. I just wanted to see if that

email came through. Oh, my buddy texted

me. Nope.

Here's the other thing, right? Every

meal you have, let me ask you a

question.

Is that better?

Oh, sorry.

Why? Well, it's back to the purpose. The

gospel-shaped husband adopts Jesus model

of self-giving,

self-sacrificial love with the goal of

his wife one day looking like her

savior.

And whatever we have to do as men for

that goal, that's that's the second.

Here's some other things I thought of

that just I think might help you help

you.

The husband takes time to engage with

wife when she needs to talk. He takes

time to engage with the kids when he

needs to. When they're younger, that

usually means getting them out of the

house and away from their mother. Um,

when they're older,

it's having the conversations that you

need to have with your kids at a

heart-to-heart level. He takes the time

to handle the things that are weighing

on her. Whatever she says, hey, it could

be the car. It could be this thing in

the house. It could be this thing with

the in-laws or the upcoming vacation.

Every time she shares something, clue in

like, "Oh, is there something I need to

do in order to alleviate that for her?"

He follows through on the things he says

he's going to do.

When you have extra money come in, the

sacrificial husband thinks first, "What

does she need and what could we use this

for for her?" And then he thinks about

whatever hobby he wants to

when they've both had a hard day in the

evening. He insists that she rest and he

takes care of whatever else needs to get

taken care of.

Hey Eric, do you do this perfectly?

Eric, how'd you come up with that list?

Things I'm trying to do better.

Last and most important one, the godly

husband is caring for his wife's

spiritual health.

The spiritual temperature of the home

rests on the shoulders of the man.

Again, we said it last week. You're

praying with her. You're praying for

her. You're praying with the kids.

You're praying for the kids. You're

making sure that you both together and

individually in our individual walks

with Jesus are growing. That's our job.

It is the hardest job on the planet,

but God gave her to you, so he thinks

you're up for it.

So, love her sacrificially. And then

second, the gospel-shaped husband cares

for his wife physically and emotionally.

Look at verse uh 28.

says, "In the same way, husbands should

love their wives as their own bodies. He

who loves his wife loves himself. For no

one ever hated his own flesh, and here's

our two key words, but nourishes and

cherishes it just as Christ does the

church because we are members of his

body." So verse 28 starts off with this

phrase, in the same way. Super

interesting. It actually has the idea of

indebtedness.

like you owe something. And the context

is what God has just said is like, look,

hey gentlemen, um I want you to look at

loving your wife and kids, your wife in

particular, uh kind of the same way as

Jesus loved the church. And Jesus laid

his life down for you, gentlemen.

Therefore, you owe it to your wife and

kids to lay down your life for them.

Essentially, what God is so fair, he's

saying, I'm only asking you to do what

I've already done for you.

And then he says, I love it. It's two

gardening terms. Nourish and cherish.

Nourish is the physical side. So,

gentlemen, right, we are responsible for

provision.

We provide for our wives. We provide for

our kids. Now,

are you saying, Eric, that a woman can't

work? No.

In fact, seems like Proverbs 31 elevates

a woman who uses her skill and ability

in the marketplace in order to help the

bottom line of the family. Awesome. Go

get it.

But don't do this. Don't transfer the

weight of provision from the husband's

shoulders to the wife's shoulders.

At the end of the day, it rests on us.

Second challenge is, well, what about

disability? What about losing your job?

What about all the things that just

happen in a broken, jacked up world?

There's grace.

God knows.

Use wisdom in order to navigate life as

it happens.

He will say in 1 Timothy 5 to every man,

if you do not provide your for your

family, you're worse than an unbeliever.

He'll also say, if a man doesn't work,

he shouldn't eat.

That's also right.

The other piece of this is the cherish

piece

that your wife feels that she's loved by

you.

in the way that that makes her feel like

she's loved.

That she knows that your heart is drawn

toward her heart.

That when you think about her and when

you're interacting with her, she feels

like man with my man.

No woman walks like that. I'm sorry.

But you know what I'm saying?

He cherishes her. And what I love about

these two commands is they again they

kind of shortcircuit

where men tend to go wrong, right? So

it's kind of proverbial like the crass

husband like, "Well, I I told you I

loved you on our wedding day. Nothing's

changed."

No. Tell her you love her all the time

in varied ways. in the ways that she

goes, "Oh,

it's that sort of thing."

Um,

the other way that

we tend to get in trouble, gentlemen, is

we tend to stop dating our wives.

Just remember all the things that you

did to win her, just keep doing those

things to keep her.

Continue to take her out. Continue to

get dressed up nice. continue all

things. Yeah, but Eric, we have a ton of

little kids. I get it. I'm not saying

certain seasons aren't harder and all.

Do what you can. There was a season

where we just ran out to Chipotle and

then swung by Costco on the way home.

That's what we did.

And just little deposits. Little

deposits. Now, I found out something

this week that I think is pretty

interesting because I think God has

wired ladies to respond

to a man who does this. So, Pew Research

found when asking average American

women, not just like ladies who believe

in Jesus, like doesn't matter their

faith background,

what defines a good husband. You'll

never guess what the top two answers

are.

71% Whoa, what happened to that?

71% said able to support a family. What

does that sound like to you?

You'll never guess what the number one

was.

Attentive and compassionate. What does

that sound like?

Huh? I think the Bible's on to

something.

Heather and I uh when we got married, we

lived in central California and uh we

would take trips down to San Diego. We

had a bunch of my marine buddies were

down there. We go visit them, hang out.

And uh San Diego is infinitely better

than any other place in San in

California. That's my two cents on that.

Um and what we would do, we found this

town north of LA called Valencia.

And Valencia, think a little bit like

the domain in the sense of cool

downtown, shops, restaurants, hip, cool.

And what we would do is we either on the

way down or the way back we'd spend a

night in Valencia and have a nice dinner

and all that. And one night we're

getting ready for dinner and right so I

get ready first. Takes me a solid two

and a half minutes. And uh then my wife

starts let's just say longer than two

and a half minutes. And so remember I

told you to remember what box I start to

watch sports.

What box am I in, gentlemen?

The nothing box.

Glorious.

And then funny thing happens. Heather

ends up standing right in front of the

TV and she's all upset and then she says

this. She goes, "I've been trying to

talk to you for five minutes." I'm like,

"That's a weird way to start a

conversation."

And then she says, And then she says,

"Just disusted. I can still picture it

in my head. The TV's there. She's in the

nice hotel robe. And she's like, I I

could be on fire. Like, she might have

done that, too. I could be on fire and

you wouldn't even notice. I'm like, I

would totally notice that. There'd be a

glare on the TV. I'm like,

that was all not what not to do. Um,

she didn't the nothing box. I didn't

know the full extent of it. But here's

what we discovered in that moment.

Was back to nourish and cherish.

Now that you know about the nothing box,

ladies, here's what Heather and I did

going forward. Sweetheart, I'm really

not trying to ignore you on purpose. I

promise. But sometimes I didn't have to

language that. I'm just like, I'm just

stuck. I'm watching whatever I'm

watching. Please just come

tap me on the shoulder. Grab me like

I'll turn it off. Notice and then I'll

look to you.

I'll take the nothing box. Put it back.

We'll get my wife box out. Oh, sorry.

The wife box.

I do want to pay attention to you.

And again, remember most women are good

multitaskers.

What do men do? One thing at a time. And

so at some level, she's like, "I can't

believe you can't hear me while you're

watching. I can't hear you when I'm

watching sports."

A man who cherishes his wife will go,

"Oh, I can put that down." And this is

what we did. She would come and she

would grab my arm or something and I

would look, "Sweetheart, what do you

what do you need? What do I need to do?"

That's what it looks like.

How does your How does your wife feel

love? Is it words?

Do you need to speak verbally to her?

Is it acts of service? Like with

everything going on in the house, like

she just needs you to help out around

here.

Does she feel love that way or is it

physical touch?

Does she need you to hold her hand and

snuggle up with her? Does she just need

time?

Couple of things that I've learned

recently as I've been digging back into

all of this. Um, what's interesting is

most men are high on physical touch. So,

ladies, touch them a lot. Big win there.

I'll prove it to you. Um, you ever been

walking like downtown or it's after

dinner and your wife takes her hand and

weaves it around your arm like this and

does this thing, right? What does the

husband do?

Godamn right.

I'm Am I wrong? I am not.

You know what a wife needs?

Not so much hand contact, but eye

contact.

The neuroscience says that um eye

contact for a woman, she gets a 3x uh

dose of oxytocin

when you stop. Yeah, babe.

Make eye contact every day. Touch each

other every day. Promise you. Up and to

the right.

in the way that she feels.

Last thing I want to share with us,

the gospel-shaped husband is gospel

motivated.

I'm going to show you something that I

think is really neat. Verse 31,

it says, "Therefore, a man shall leave

his father and mother and hold fast of

his wife, and the two shall become one

flesh." And you say, "Oh, there's

Genesis 2:24." Correct. I just love the

Genesis 2:24

fact that Paul was doing something very

similar to what we're doing in that he

has in mind Genesis 2 and 3 when he's

talking about this. Oh, cool. I think

we're on the right track. But look at

verse 32. It says, "This mystery is

profound."

And I'm saying that it refers to Christ

in the church. What's the mystery?

What's the it?

What's it referring to?

Mystery in the New Testament. Every time

you see that word, it is a um is an

indicator that the only way you

understand the mystery is if God reveals

it to humanity.

It's not that bad. Um

I actually love that we have babies

here. Um

here's the mystery. It's the two become

one flesh. And what did we learn last

week? Well, that refers to both the

marriage and the family. So, how is it

that the marriage and family refer to,

point to, or an illustration of Jesus

and his church? Ah, I'm glad you asked.

Here's why. I'm going to tell you, here

is why Satan hates your marriage. This

is why Satan hates your kids. This is

why he brings both barrels and tries to

blow you out of the water. Because

here's what God is doing in your

marriage and your family. He's taking

you and he's putting you on a pedestal

and he's saying to the watching world,

"Look what I can do."

So that when the other families on your

street, when the other couples in your

extended family look at you and they're

like, "How in the world do you guys get

along so well and me and my husband,

we're a train wreck?"

Oh, that's easy. Because there's a God

in heaven who through his son reconciles

men and women to himself

and then he does it to one another. And

so we invited Jesus into our marriage

and into our family and it's going

really good.

God wants to take your marriage and your

family and go, "Look what my son can do.

Your marriage is what he wants to take

and go,

I'm amazing."

And you get a great marriage and you get

great parenting in the

in the process.

How's it happen gents? Love your wife

sacrificially.

Nourish her,

cherish her.

And then, Lord, help me.

Because the gospel always comes back to,

man, Jesus, you've done this for me.

I'm going to need your help to do any of

this. Yeah, that's the point.

Here's how I'd like to close. If you are

a married man, I'm going to invite you

to stand. Married men on your feet,

please.

Thank you, my brothers.

Uh wives, if your husband is standing,

would you stand with him

and would you hold his hand?

Scooch down the row if you got kids in

between you.

All my single men,

if it is your desire to be married one

day and to be this kind of man, I invite

you to stand.

Come on, single guys. Doesn't matter

what age you are.

All right, single men, put both hands

out, please.

Married men, put the one hand that's not

holding your wife's hand out.

Please bow your heads.

Father, would you by grace bless my

brothers?

Would you fill them right now with your

grace, your Holy Spirit to be the men

that you have called them to be?

Would you fill them with your grace and

your wisdom on how to love your daughter

that you've given him well? For all my

single brothers, would you help them to

take steps right now to be the kind of

man who can care for a wife and kids?

Father, I pray that your encouragement

would flow through them. Yet, you're the

God we said earlier. Doesn't matter

where you came from, you can write a new

story and a new ending

and encourage their hearts. I pray that

each and every one of these marriages

would be just awesome.

and every child represented will be

blessed because of it.

Would you do more in these men and these

marriages

and these future marriages

than they can ask or imagine? And every

guy in here said, "Amen." Amen. Um,

God's for you and he's with you and he

loves you. And wives, you're up next

week.

There going to be folks down front to

pray if you need it. Love you. We'll see

you next week.