”The Gospel-Shaped Parent” // Ephesians 6:1-4 // Lakeview Bible Church

Hey, good morning everybody. It's our

last week, like Pastor Eric just said,

of our gospel-shaped home series. We've

been in the book of Ephesians for the

last couple of weeks, and we've talked

about what God has to say to husbands

and how they should be and wives and how

they should be. So, today we get God's

instruction for parents and children.

And uh parenting is hard, right? Who has

who has young young kids like under

five?

>> Okay.

like not not for the weak, right? Like

um yeah, so young children have

>> to get God's instruction.

>> I'm

>> not sure what that is, but

uh yeah, so look, parenting is is

difficult and our kids have a lot of big

emotions, don't they? like especially

when they're really young and those

emotions are complex and they're hard to

understand and like sometimes they're

weird, you know? Um like this sweet kid

right here.

>> What's wrong?

>> I I thought I like cookies.

>> You don't like cookies?

>> Yeah.

>> What What do you want for a treat? be

broth.

>> I don't like I don't like cookies for a

tree.

>> You want You want beef broth?

>> Yes.

Um, I have a four-year-old at home, so

this is relatable for me, but I also

have an 11 and 13year-old at home, so I

get this one as well.

>> Is hard. And it gets progressively

harder. That's what they don't tell you

when you have a baby. I guess it would

be inappropriate. Congratulations. It's

going to get really hard.

So, as a new parent, you have to figure

it out on your own. And a baby, a

newborn, they're so fragile. They're so

dependent. You help them burp. The new

parent thinks, "Oh, this must be the

hard part. This is the hard part." Not

the hard part.

Then the child becomes a toddler. It's

chaos. They're screaming in grocery

stores. You're literally stopping them

from accidentally killing themselves.

The parent thinks, "Oh, this is the hard

part. This is the hard part." Not the

hard part.

Then the child becomes a teenager and

the parents are like, "Oh, this whole

thing was a mistake.

We shouldn't have done this."

I got applause out of that video, right?

That's um that's relatable, right? Um

we're going to talk about parenting

today. You know, an easy topic with no

strong opinions out there. Um, everybody

definitely agrees on how you should do

it and the methods for it. The internet

doesn't have anything to say about

parenting. Everybody pretty much just

agrees on things, right? I've already

carved out some time this week for all

the emails that I'm going to get about

this, especially when we talk about how

to discipline our children. So, I just

wanted to go ahead and get this out of

the way. You can email me at

michaelspoonerlakeviewbible.com

and that's spelled E R I C R E K M O R E

at lake viewbible.com.

Um, we do we love getting your emails

and we read them and love to respond to

them, but parenting is really hard,

right? Um, people have strong opinions

about it because they care. like we feel

deeply about the things that are most

important to us. And it's fun to make

jokes about how hard parenting is, but

it's also a joy, right? You think about

these parents that we just had up on

stage and man, what a joy it is to have

children. A couple places that the Bible

gives us that idea is John 16 says, uh,

when a woman is giving birth to a child,

she has pain, right? Because her time

has come. But when her baby is born, she

forgets the anguish because of her joy

that a child is born into the world.

Children are a joy, right? Psalm 127:3

Psalms 127:3

says, "Children are a gift from the Lord

and they're a reward from him." So, it's

good to make jokes and speak about the

difficulties of parenting because

honestly, it helps us to process and

laugh together. It helps new and

expecting parents to have some sort of

grip on reality for what's coming. But I

want us to be reminded as we jump into

this. Parenting is hard, yes, but it's a

joy. Children are a gift from the Lord.

So, we're going to be in two passages of

scripture today. So, if you've got your

Bibles or if you got your device, um

we're going to be in Ephesians chapter

6:es 1-4. So, that's where we're going

to start. So, you can go ahead and make

your way there. And then in a a little

bit we're going to be in Deuteronomy

Deuteronomy 6 · chapter mention

chapter 6. So if you want to go ahead

and find that spot, we're going to be

there later. Okay. So our opening is

children,

obey your parents in the Lord, for this

is right. And all the parents said,

>> there you go.

Honor your father and mother. This is

the first commandment with the promise

that it may go well with you that you

may live long in the land. Fathers, do

not provoke your children to anger, but

bring them up in the discipline and

instruction of the Lord. All right. So,

this is God's word for us about

parenting. And the title of our message

today is the gospel-shaped parent, but

the first three verses are actually

written to children. And what we're

going to see in this passage is that

gospel-shaped kids obey and honor their

parents. Um, interestingly, you don't

have uh parents without children. Um,

and so since God has chosen to speak

directly to them in his word, let's

pause and let's see what he has to say.

And it's going to be important for you.

Like if you're a kid living at home, if

you're a teenager or younger than that,

if you're living at home with your

parents, this is God's word directly for

you. And then for us as parents, it's

good for us to see and understand

something about how God feels about his

There's there's my commentator again

over there on the side. Um, it's it's

good for us to hear and see something

about what God says about children, how

he feels about them, and like what he

expects from them and what he doesn't

expect. And so we're going to jump in

and look at this together. And we're

going to skip verses 2 and three this

morning because we don't have time to

cover all of it. And verses two and

three are about honoring your parents,

which is a lifelong task. And so if

you're interested in that, uh, Pastor

Eric and I are going to try to film a

video this week kind of unpacking verses

two and three. But today we're going to

be in verse one and then we're going to

be in verse four. So first verse the

first word is really important in this

and the first word is children. It's a

term of address right he's talking

directly to children and this is

actually really significant why because

in the first century this was written to

the church at Ephesus and then uh at the

time uh it was the city of Ephesus was

firmly under Roman control. Okay. And in

Roman culture, children had virtually no

value and no rights. Like children

weren't important in that culture in the

same way that they are to us today. In

fact, in Roman culture, the father had

complete authority over his children for

a long time actually. And but when they

were young, he could basically do

anything he wanted and it was well

within his legal rights, right? He could

sell them into slavery. He could work

them to death in whatever their family

business was. He could marry them off

without their consent for political

alliances. He could even abandon them or

kill them if he wasn't happy with them.

In fact, this happened a lot when babies

were born in that culture. If the father

thought they didn't look healthy or

strong, they could just do away with

them. If they had a girl and what they

wanted was a boy, well, they could just

take her and abandon her. And that the

way they would do that, they would often

just leave their children out in the

elements to die. It happened so often

that Christians actually had a

reputation in the first century for

going and taking those children and

caring for them and raising them. those

abandoned children in that culture,

Christians would take them in and care

for them and love them. And that's a

beautiful part of uh first century

Christian culture. So, does that

cultural background help you understand

why it's a big deal that the Bible

addresses them directly?

It's this idea that God cares about

children. They're important to him. We

don't have time to do a deeper dive on

this, but in general, the whole context

of scripture teaches us that God loves

and values children. That from the

moment they're conceived, they're

imagebearers of God. It says he formed

them in their mother's womb, he cares

about them. He doesn't see them as less

than. And he thinks that they have a

place and a responsibility in his

kingdom because he talks to them

directly. like as soon as they're able

to understand anything about his word,

he thinks that they can respond to it

and take it seriously, they have a place

in the kingdom of God. So it says,

"Children, obey your parents for this is

right." Okay, really simple,

straightforward command. Do you know

what the Greek word for obey means?

Obey.

Yeah. It's just This is really simple.

it it's just it's this idea that you're

going to do what your parents say, but

then there's that little phrase in

there, obey them in the Lord. So, you're

thinking like, is there some wiggle room

in there? Like, what if we can get

around some things with that phrase?

Like, if I, the teenager, think that the

Lord would probably agree with me about

my curfew instead of my parents. Like,

could So, sorry. Like, that phrase isn't

going to help you there. Um, so what

does that mean? What's this what's this

idea of in the Lord? Well, the idea is

that for children who are living under

the care and provision of parents, okay?

And that changes their ages and stages

change from culture to culture. For us,

it's usually like 18, 19, 20, 35, you

know. Um, it's like when you're out of

the house and you're an adult, you're

sort of out from under this, right? But

when you're there, the general rule is

that you're going to obey your parents

because this is what the Lord says is

right. But there have to be some

guidelines, right? There have to be some

rules for parents. And so that's kind of

where this comes in. In the simplest

terms, this idea of obeying them in the

Lord, it means that God is the highest

authority for parents and for children.

to obey them in the Lord means that for

our children, obeying parents is

actually first about obeying the Lord

because he said that it's right. And

then for parents, what it means for them

to obey you in the Lord, it means that

you're going to take care to parent in a

way that honors God who is your highest

authority and who is also theirs. So, it

means that you're not going to treat

them harshly. It means that you're not

going to be unkind to them. And it

absolutely means that your children

obeying your commands are not going to

cause them to disobey God's commands.

Right? That's what that phrase in the

Lord means. So we submit to them as we

parent our children. Children submit to

parents because it's submission to God

as well in a healthy environment. Right?

Okay. So for every person in every stage

of life, if God is our highest

authority, okay? And it's we're

following his word, we're learning about

what he says, parents, um, sorry,

children, sorry, obey your parents in

the Lord, for this is right. All right.

Uh, verse four is where we're going to

spend the rest of our time. Um, and

we'll get to this in just a second, but

um, we'll let's take a a brain break for

just a second before we get to this

part. Um, how many of you ever make your

kids angry?

Uh-huh.

Um, of course you do. Like, if you have

children and you have any rules at all,

you're going to make them angry at some

point. It's just it's normal. I have a

four-year-old at home and I make him

angry all the time.

Uh, here's some ways that I have done

that recently. I told him that he could

not drive my car.

He was pretty mad about that. Um, I told

him that he can't use the chainsaw.

Um, I tell him that he shouldn't drink

the bath water.

Is this a Was this a thing for your

kids? I hope it was. Like, it's one of

the worst things to me. Like he does not

want to eat the delicious, nutritious

meals that we cook for them that cost a

million dollars at the grocery store.

Like he's so mad about having to sit at

the table and eat those meals, but the

bath water

delicious.

I tell him that he has to put on clothes

to leave the house. He's That's pure

four-year-old fury.

I asked our staff the same question and

they had some really great answers and

they have kids of all ages, so their

answers were kind of all over the place,

but by far the best answer that I got

and they said it without missing a beat.

I said, "What do you do as a parent that

makes your kids angry?" And they said,

"Exist."

I love that. Like I that was so funny

and just it's perfect in the moment.

That's that's relatable, right? Like

look, if you're responsible

at all. Your kids are going to be mad at

you at some point. It's just it's part

of the process. You didn't love rules

when you were a kid and they don't love

rules now. And so, how are we going to

obey this command? It says, "Don't

provoke your children to anger." Like,

how how are we g how are we going to

deal with that? And so, we'll talk about

that in just a second, but there's

something that I want to address. um

really briefly first. So the first verse

is addressed to children and this second

verse is addressed to fathers

like why fathers and not fathers and

mothers and I think this is important

for us to see because I think there's

two biblical principles here and this is

one of those if you have questions we'd

love to talk more about this more deeply

about this with you but I think there's

two things that are at play as we jump

in to this one particular verse One is

there's a reality that God has placed on

fathers the responsibility to lead their

families spiritually. We've talked about

that over the last few weeks. It says

the father is the head of the family.

What that doesn't mean is that mothers

and women are less important. That

doesn't mean that this command isn't for

them. Okay? But there is a biblical

reality that fathers are the spiritual

leaders of their family. At least that's

what they're supposed to be if they're

following Jesus. So I think that's

reason number one. Listen, some of you

may be single mothers in the room or

your husband may not be leading your

family spiritually. The command is the

same for you. Don't provoke your

children to anger, but bring them up in

the discipline and instruction of the

Lord. It's just as significant for

mothers and fathers, but God has called

fathers to be the spiritual leaders of

their family. Uh second, remember the

cultural climate that we talked about?

Fathers owned their children and they

could treat them however they wanted. I

think that this is a really intentional

way for Paul to say, "Hey, look, don't

do that. Don't follow the culture in the

way that you parent your children.

Fathers who can do whatever they want in

that culture, don't do that. Don't

provoke them to anger. Bring them up in

the Lord. It's a call to follow the

heart of God for parenting rather than

the culture that we live in. And that

holds true for us today, too. Even

though our circumstances might be

different, the idea is be gospel-shaped,

not culture-shaped parents.

Gospel-shaped, not culture-shaped. So,

okay, how do I do that, though? So, as

we jump in to verse four, we're going to

see that the gospel-shaped parent

follows the example of our heavenly

father. And we're going to do this verse

in two sections, okay? Don't provoke

your children to anger, but bring them

up. That's the first section. There's a

negative statement. Don't do this, but

instead do this. And there's a positive

statement. And then we'll talk about the

discipline and instruction of the Lord

uh at the end. Uh first section, don't

provoke your children to anger, but

bring them up. Okay, so we just said

you're going to make your kids angry.

So, how do we actually obey this command

without just letting our children run

the show? Like, it would be chaos,

wouldn't it? If we had no rules, if we

could never make them angry. Uh, so this

command, this is the ESV, and this is

what we teach from most often. It's a

fantastic translation. But in the NIV,

that phrase, don't provoke your children

to anger, is translated, don't

exasperate your children. And I think

that's actually a more helpful

translation in this case. Don't

exasperate your children. So what this

command is about is it's less about

individual situations, right? less like

don't make your kids angry and more like

don't cause your children to be filled

with anger toward you. Don't exasperate

them day to day to day because

Colossians chapter 3 tells us it's

Colossians 3 · chapter mention

dangerous because it leads to

discouragement. It's about your overall

relationship with your kids, your tone

and your temperament as a parent, your

consistent methods, your character

towards them. How do you, the parent who

holds a position of authority that is

given to you by God, how do you treat

them in a general sense? Don't provoke

them to anger. Don't treat them harshly.

Uh, think about think about what

provokes you to anger. Like when you

deal with your boss or a co-orker or a

neighbor or your mother-in-law.

Are they overly harsh or critical?

Are they unreasonable? They put they

just crazy expectations on you. They're

not willing to listen to your side of

the story, maybe. Are they

short-tempered?

They impatient.

Those things that provoke you to anger

as an adult, that provoke me to anger,

provoke your kids to anger, too. It's

easy to forget what it was like to be a

kid, right? Um, parenting is hard, but

like being a kid's not always easy

either, is it? How do I know that? Like

because I live with me.

Like it's no picnic. Sometimes I'm

friends with a lot of you. It's hard to

be your kids.

That one took a minute, but you

but you got it. Listen, the first

command

says, don't provoke them to anger. Don't

treat them like that. Don't be harsh.

Don't be impatient. Don't be

overbearing. But instead, that's that's

the negative statement. Don't do that.

But instead, bring them up. And the word

for bring them up is the word nourish.

It means to care for them in the same

way that you care for your own body.

It's the same word that he used in

chapter 5 when he's telling husbands to

love your wives as you love your own

body. And he says this in 529. No one

ever hated his own body, but they feed

and they care for their body just as

Christ does the church. That's the idea.

We nourish our children. We don't treat

them harshly. We're kind to them. We

feed them. We help them to grow with

patience and gentleness.

Gospel-shaped parents follow the example

of our heavenly father and the example

of Jesus. When we go back to chapter 5,

he says, how does he say, "Husbands,

love your wives as Christ loved the

church." And he gave himself for the

church. and he loves the church. The

heavenly father is our example and Jesus

is our example because they're the same.

They're one. I love the first chapter of

Hebrews. It says that Jesus is the exact

representation of the nature of God.

Isn't that beautiful? The exact

representation God in human form. So

that when you read about what Jesus is

like, it says he's gentle and he's

humble in heart. That's what the

father's like. When you see Jesus, you

see the father. And so that's the

example that we want to follow. How do

we keep from exasperating our children

from making them filled with anger

towards us? Is well, we treat them the

way God treats us. How do we nourish

them and give them the best shot that we

possibly can at growing into responsible

adults who hopefully love the Lord and

want to follow him?

We remember what God is like. We

remember his kindness toward us and we

follow his example.

So what what is he like? Do you know

that this is this is scary for some of

us and this is a good thing for for

others. One of the major influences

in how people view God the Father is how

they view their earthly father. Have you

found that to be true in your own life?

It's not true for everybody, but in

general, when you find out that the

Bible describes God as a father, you

make a mental and emotional connection

to him based on what you knew about your

earthly father, especially if you don't

know and understand what God's word

says. So, if your father growing up was

kind and available and warm, then you

probably have an easier time believing

those things about your heavenly father

when you figure out that that's what the

Bible says about him. If your father was

the opposite, if he was absent or even

abusive or cold, angry,

you might have a difficult time

believing that God is a good father who

loves you and who wants to hear from you

and care from you. So, it's so important

that when we say follow the example of

our heavenly father, we know what he's

actually like. Not not something that

we've made up in our own mind based on

our experience, but what he's actually

like. And his word says that he's giving

and he's compassionate. He's loving and

he's faithful. He's gentle and he's

self-sacrificing. I'll I'll leave this

up for just another second. uh snap a

picture of this and this week go and

spend some time in these scriptures. Go

and spend some time and see what the

Bible says about God's character as a

father toward his children because all

these things are true. And this is just

the beginning of the list. He's patient.

He's a provider. He's a protector. He's

wise. He's kind. He's just. He's so many

things. And if we're going to be good

parents to our children, we need to

understand what our father is like. And

we need to work to imitate him. Because

so many people have this idea that God

is this angry old man sitting in heaven

waiting for you to mess up so he can

smite you, right?

And then when you get to know him, when

you read his word and figure out what

he's really like, you recognize, man,

that nothing could be further from the

truth. That's our example to follow. A

kind, loving, compassionate father who

disciplines his children that we're

going to see in just a second. But

that's how we nourish our children

without provoking them to anger.

All right, home stretch last section.

The gospel-shaped parent disciplines and

instructs their children. Here's where

the emails come in, right? We talk about

how to discipline our kids. Um, let me

start with something that we're not

going to do as a church. One, because we

don't want to. And two, because we

can't. We're not ever going to be able

to give a detailed list of how you

should discipline and instruct your

children. We can teach you God's word.

That's what we want to do. We can give

guidelines. We want to do that over the

course of time as a church. Like we may

have parenting seminars and we may do

specific training. All that stuff's

helpful and we're going to do that. But

we can't tell you how to do this in

every single situation. Don't listen to

this music. only listen to this music.

Don't watch these movies. Only watch

these. Set your curfew at this time.

Like we we just can't. It's impossible.

And you would be so mad at us. You would

just leave and we would have nobody to

talk to anymore.

But when we talk about discipline and

instruction, like it's it's in there. He

says, "Bring them up in the discipline

and instruction of the Lord." So, uh,

one of the things that can be

challenging about Paul's writing, like

when you read the New Testament letters

that Paul wrote, um, it's pretty dense.

There's a lot in there. We've been

talking for 27 minutes about two verses.

Okay? And so a lot of times Paul will

make some statements and he just assumes

that all of his readers know exactly

what he's talking about or he expects

that they're going to go find out. Okay,

when he's writing these letters, he has

to be brief. And so he doesn't always

explain himself. So when we read the

Bible for ourselves, when we teach and

preach, we have to connect the dots

sometimes. And so you might be thinking,

um, okay, look, I'm in. I want to do

exactly what this says. I want to bring

my kids up in the discipline and

instruction of the Lord. But like, what

is that?

Uh, this is where Deuteronomy is

helpful. So, if you've got your Bibles,

turn over there.

Deuteronomy chapter 6, verses 4-7. So in

Deuteronomy 6:4–7

chapter 5 uh the law has just been given

the ten commandments and then this is

what happens in the following chapter.

He says here O Israel the Lord our God

the Lord is one and you shall love the

Lord your God with all your heart and

with all your soul and with all your

might. And these words that I command

you today shall be on your heart. You

shall, this is really important for us

today, teach them diligently to your

children and talk of them when you sit

in your house and when you walk by the

way and when you lie down and when you

rise. This is what it means to bring

them up in the discipline and

instruction of the Lord. We're teaching

our children to love God with all their

soul and with all their might, right? We

can't make them do that, but we can show

them the way to do it. And then we're

teaching them diligently the commands

that he's given us. And so back in

Ephesians, there's two words. There's

the discipline of the Lord and there's

the instruction of the Lord. And these

are similar, but there's some nuance to

them. Okay? So let's think about

discipline this morning as like the nuts

and bolts of faith. Not not just you

know like discipline like there's going

to be some consequences when you do

things wrong. That's a part of

discipline. Okay. But think of it as

like training. Okay. So let's just start

there. Discipline is training like um

potty training, right? Something that's

very necessary for adult life

that your kids don't want to do or

understand why they have to do. Right?

That's that's sort of this this early

idea of training is you're teaching them

to do things even though they might be

too young to understand exactly why. So

we train them in the discipline of the

Lord. It's teaching them what to do and

not to do. Proverbs 226 says, "Train up

a child in the way that he should go and

when he's old he will not depart from

it." Train him up.

And then the second part is that there

is a reality that we have to give some

appropriate consequences to our

children. This is the part where

discipline means what you usually think

of when you hear the word discipline.

And again, we're not going to tell you

how to do it because every family is

different. Different things work for

different kids. But what we know is that

if we don't do it, the consequences can

be really serious. Proverbs 13:24

Proverbs 13:24

says, "Whoever neglects discipline hates

his son."

That's strong language, isn't it? It

actually says, "Whoever spares the rod

of discipline hates his son. But he who

loves him is diligent to discipline

him." A lot of times our culture views

discipline as really negative, right?

Like, who are you to discipline your

child? How do you know what's right for

them? Because you're their parent.

And because God has put you in that

position of authority and given you that

responsibility to discipline them in the

Lord. Hebrews says the Lord disciplines

all those he loves. If you're a child of

God, he disciplines you when we when we

go astray, when we disobey his commands,

not because he's angry, but because he

knows we need it and it's what's best

for us.

And then finally, this last one is is

the hardest one, I think. Guard their

hearts until they can guard them for

themselves.

Proverbs 4 23 says, "Above all else,

guard your heart, for everything you do

flows from it." Now, guard your heart

means a lot of things. And it's become

like a quippy Christian catchphrase that

we make fun of sometimes, but it's

really important. And what I think it

means for parents to guard the hearts of

their children is this is the idea that

I am the gatekeeper of what comes into

the life of my children as much as I can

control that. The older they get, the

less control you have. This is not

telling everybody to helicopter parent,

right? And to never let them go out and

have experiences. They have to go and

make some of their own mistakes and they

have to learn for themselves what it's

like to follow Jesus in the world.

They're going to mess up. You can't

shelter them to the point where they

can't live their life and you certainly

can't manipulate them into being exactly

who you want them to be. But this is the

idea that you want them to grow up to be

the people that God wants them to be.

And so when they're young,

you have some control over what comes

into their mind and into their heart,

right? So let's just think about music.

Um, and I, you know, like, this is a

hard conversation,

but music's powerful, isn't it? Um, I

love music clearly and, um, you know,

it's a big part of what I do for my job.

And I've learned over the years that

music has this really special ability to

get down into your heart. Have you

noticed that? Noticed how emotional

music makes you. Not everybody loves

music, but most people do. It gets down

in your heart and it affects you and

then it sticks in your brain. Think

about how many dumb songs you know from

when you were a teenager that you wish

you could forget.

can't remember where my keys are, but I

remember that song from 8th grade. Like

like it's the things that we listen to,

the things that we watch, the things

that we read, they're powerful in our

lives, aren't they? And if we're going

to take our responsibility to discipline

our children, to bring them up in the

discipline of the Lord, we have to take

seriously the responsibility to be the

gatekeepers

as much as we can of what we let into

their lives. What they listen to, what

they watch, what they read, the

experiences that they have, where we

allow them to go, and who they can do it

with. And like all of those things are

an important part of bringing them up in

the Lord. Not because we want to be

withholding,

but because as we grow older, we have

some wisdom that we didn't have when we

were their age. So bring them up in the

discipline of the Lord.

Charles Spurgeon says, "Train up a child

in the way he should go and be sure to

go that way yourself."

And that's good, isn't it? You want to

know the quickest way to exasperate your

children is be hypocritical with them.

They see that, don't they? You'd think

they might not, but they do. They see

it.

Do as I say, not as I do.

No good. We have to follow the Lord. We

have to be disciplined in the Lord

ourselves if we want to be able to

discipline our children well in the

Lord. So train up a child in the way he

should go. Be sure you go that way

yourself.

Last thing, uh the instruction of the

Lord. Okay, so again, these words if you

you could just read right past it and

think these are this is just the same

like he's he's just restating. But I

think there's some difference here. And

I think it I think it goes back to this

when I think about discipline being the

nuts and bolts of the faith. This is

what God has said. This is why we should

do it. Don't do this. Do this and things

will go well for you in a general sense.

Instruction is more like how you live

your life in front of them and how you

speak to them over the course of your

life. And this one parents, if you're

here and you're like, "My kids are gone.

I hadn't been listening to anything." um

this whole time. This is this instruct

your children. As long as you and they

are alive, this is a call for you to

instruct your children in the Lord. And

I want to I want to talk about what

instruction means by talking about my

this is my great-grandmother.

Um her name is Alice.

And this is in 2016. She passed away uh

a few months after this. She was a

hundred years old. I know she looks good

for a hundred, right?

And I lived with her. Uh she raised me

and she brought me up in the discipline

of the Lord for sure. Right? Like I was

in church every time the doors were

open. She read the Bible to me. She

taught me the Ten Commandments. She

would correct me when I did something

that went against God's word. She had me

in this program where I had to see like,

did any of you do this? You had to put

your Bible like this and they would say

go and you had to see who could find a

verse the fastest.

I hated that.

Um, but along the way, I actually

memorized a bunch of scripture, which

has been great for the rest of my life.

So, she brought me up in the discipline

of the Lord, but more than that, she

brought me up in the instruction of the

Lord. and she did it for her whole life.

And I want to tell you two stories about

um two two places where she did it. One

when I was young and one um when I was

an adult. So when I was in the seventh

grade, I got in a fight at school.

That's wrong. In the seventh grade, I

got beat up by three guys at school.

And you know, like it wasn't anything

major, like no lasting damage, okay? But

I mean, I had like bloody nose, bloody

lip. I got sent home from school early.

They got suspended for three days. And I

was at home talking to her about it. And

you know, I can make light of it now,

but in the moment, like I was really

confused. Like I didn't know why it

happened. Like it wasn't like there was

any buildup. Like it just so I was hurt.

I was confused. And I I was crying as I

talked to her. And I got to the part in

the conversation where I said, like,

what do I do when I go back to school?

Like, they're going to be back in three

days. Like, what do I do when I see them

again? And I was angry. And I wanted her

to be angry with me. And now, she had

done all the good parenting things. She

had been up to the school. She made sure

that I was safe and that there were

going to be consequences. She had done

all the responsible parenting things.

Okay? It's not like she didn't care,

but I wanted her to be like, "Go back on

Monday and get some friends and punch

them in the face."

I wanted her to rant with me and to vent

with me and to talk about how terrible

they were.

And I said, "What do I do?" And she

said, "Well,

Jesus says that we should love our

enemies and pray for those who persecute

you.

And so I think that we should pray for

them.

And then I think when you see them at

school, you should be kind to them

because God has been kind to you. And I

was so angry.

I didn't do it. Like I would not I was

like I nope. I didn't I did not pray for

them with her. And I think I didn't

speak to her for several days.

That's how you bring your children up in

the instruction of the Lord in moments

like that where her heart was filled

with God's word.

That verse in Deuteronomy says, "These

things shall be on your heart." They

were on her heart constantly and

continually. And when I had an issue,

like she was mad, okay? She was like she

was defensive of me and she loved me but

she chose to instruct me in the way of

the Lord and I was so angry and I

thought you know what like and I don't I

don't remember how that resolved but I

do remember that when my daughter

Abigail was seven or eight years old and

we had had a rough day. I don't remember

what she did, but I was losing my temper

as a parent, right? Not my finest

moment. I know you don't do that, but I

do sometimes.

Um, and I I remember this so clearly.

And I said, I was in the middle of

saying, "Abigail, if you don't stop

right now, I'm going to You ever start a

sentence and you don't know what you're

going to say at the end of it because

you're angry and then it you something

dumb or hurtful usually comes out?"

That's what was about to happen with me.

And I I don't think I had thought about

that conversation as a seventh grader

until right then. And then I did.

And the Lord brought that conversation

to my mind and it like stopped me

mid-sentence. And I didn't say this out

loud, but I thought, Abigail, if you

don't stop right now, I'm

I'm going to be kind

to you

because the Lord has been kind to me.

That's bringing your kids up in the

instruction of the Lord. I was so angry

when she did it, but God used it to

change my heart.

this this same day right here, we had

some time to go and talk and sit by

ourselves. So, I'm I'm 32 in this

picture. Um I always had to shave

because she didn't like my beard. Um so,

this is like the only time I don't have

a beard, I think, um is when I went to

see her. But, so we're talking and I had

been a pastor for like eight years at

the time. And so, she's asking me about

my church and we're talking about the

Bible because that's what she loved to

do. And then she said, 'You know, I'm

nervous

about coming to the end of my life.

And that really surprising to me. Like

I'd never heard her say anything like

that because she had just been this bull

work of faith in my life. And I'd never

heard her say that at all. And she said,

"I don't mean that I'm like nervous

about like where I'm going." She said,

"I can't wait to see the Lord, but I'm

nervous about going through the process,

and like my my emotions, my feelings are

are hard right now, and I'm scared

sometimes."

And then she said, "I'm praying

to make it well to the end of my life,

to finish well, and I'm asking the Lord

to help me to have faith."

That's how you bring up your children in

the instruction of the Lord. I was 32

years old and she was still doing that.

She didn't know it at the time, but man,

what a life of faith. She said, "I feel

like it's it's it's soon, right? Like

the time is soon. Like my my body is

worn out, and I can't wait until I see

the Lord." And she said something I'll

never forget. She said, "I won't have to

have faith anymore

because I'll get to see him."

That song that we sing, Lord, haste the

day when my faith shall be sight. That's

where she got that from. Can't wait till

I don't need that anymore.

And this was later that year,

her last few moments.

And it's hard losing your parent, right?

I was sad in that moment. But I

remembered that conversation

and I thought, "You made it.

You persevered to the end. You kept the

faith. You walked in the grace and the

goodness of Jesus.

And you taught me to do the same thing."

Changed my life. And I had lots of other

godly influences along the way, but she

was the first,

right? She was the one who walked with

me every moment that I was alive. She

was there to instruct me in the Lord.

I'm so grateful for that. That's what

God has called us to. And she was able

to do that because her heart and her

mind were full of God's word. She had

spent a lifetime following him and

loving him. So, if we want to be

gospel-shaped parents, we follow the

example of our heavenly father.

He's gentle, he's kind, he's good, he's

consistent, he disciplines his children

that he loves.

So, let's do that as we nourish our

children and bring them up in the Lord.

I want to I want to end by praying for

parents in the room. We brought parents

up at the beginning and listen uh

parenting children is a family affair

when it comes to being a part of a

church. And so if you're a parent in the

room, whether your kids are young or

whether your kids are grown, the call is

still to instruct them in the Lord. So

let me pray. Our prayer team's going to

be down here at the front. If you want

to talk to someone about what it means

to respond to the gospel if you don't

know your heavenly father, we would love

to share with you how you can begin a

relationship with him. And then I'll be

out in the lobby. I'd love to connect

with you. So will pastor Eric. Thank you

so much for being with us today. So

let's going to pray for parents and uh

to be dismissed. Father,

thank you for the joy

that children bring. Thank you that

they're a good gift from you. Thank you

for the call to bring them up in the

discipline and in the instruction of the

Lord. Lord, help us to do it faithfully,

consistently

when we fail. Help us as parents to run

to the grace of Jesus and to show that

to our children as well. Bless our

parents and our children. We love you.

We pray all of this in the name of

Jesus. Amen. Amen. Thank you guys.

You're dismissed.