Relationships Series 2024 - Part 2: Married & Engaged Couples Session | Rev. Eric & Esther Lau

Hey there, you're listening to the Generation's Church podcast. We pray that the

word of God today will challenge, change and channel you into your God given

destiny. Now let's get started. And one of the most beautiful expressions of

love is when two individuals, a man and a woman, falls in love.

Amen. That is a beautiful thing. When a man and a woman

falls in love and they come together and work towards a beautiful relationship, which

we call marriage. Even for couples who are dating, you know, we

just don't date for the sake of dating, right, or those of you

who are engaged, right, It's always about working towards the end goal,

which is to become a husband and wife. I remember my mother, who

is now in the eighties. I remember about a couple of years ago,

we were at my dining hall at home, and my daughter were like,

I think, you know about nineteen like that, and my you know,

my mom was just steezing and says, god, boyfriend, Ridia, No,

no boyfriend. Then my mom very seriously, just three of us at

the dining table, and she looked at my daughter she says, let me

tell you, looking for a husband is the most important decision that you will

ever make in your life after accepting Jesus Christ. Now this is words of

wisdom from a eighty plus your old mother, and upon reflection as a pastor,

I can tell you I actually one hundred percent agree after accepting Jesus into

our life as important savior, and probably the next most critical and important decision

any one of us would make in our lives is the choosing of our life

partners. All right, Now, those of you chose really had no choice.

Serious, it's a job, but no choice. We work from that,

amen. But other than that, it is the most important because the

rest of the trajectory of our lives largely, of course, the peats on

our relationship with our spouse, because we understand the concept we'll talk about in

the moment of one flesh, you are one. And so marriage is a

very beautiful thing. Marriage is a very sacred thing. And I want to

share three things about what marriage is. And number one, marriage is a

calling. Okay, that's the first seer. So marriage is a calling.

Marriage is God's idea. Now look at the Book of Genesis, chapter two,

verse eighteen of this verse there Genesis to eighteen, Genesis to eighteen.

This amplified version. It says. Now the Lord's say it is not good,

not sufficient, not satisfactory, that the man should be alone. Then

the Lord says, I will make him a helper, suitable, adaptable,

complimentary for him. But wait, this worse, quite insightful, says men

incomplete, Men incomplete, And before the Lord says no, I would like

him to be pared with a partner, a woman. God calls for the

woman then to be with the man, and the union that we call marriage.

Marriage is a calling. You just don't enter into a marriage. I

believe that you are called into it. And so it's not my chance that

you met that person. From a Christian perspective, with the sea that God

is actually the divine matchmaker. How about that, amen, here's the divine

matchmaker. So we just don't want our lives blind. Me is yeah,

anybody are right? It is the divine matchmaker. And we believe that whoever

that God has brought into our lives is the right one that He has ordained

for us. Understanding calling of a marriage is important because it lays a very

strong foundation for our lives. Because if I understand that God has called me

into this marriage, God has placed this woman or this man into my life

as one. Then surely there is a purpose. Then surely out of this

will of God will come plentiful, plentiful blessing. Out of this will of

God in this union will come blessing and favor in my life. So we

embrace this as a calling. So when there's calling, we understand that God

causes no marriage. Everything changes. There's a certain tenacity to actually push through

and to all firm in tough times. You know. It's like sometimes you

know, I made our church members, you know, and they say,

pastor, will pray for me. I'm in the job, you know.

Then we pray, praise what job you want? I want this company?

You know, this company multinational, very good. One pray that I will

get in. So we pray, we pray, we pray, and then

the person got into the company. Oh praise God, hallelujah. Happy Huh

got the job and he faced this is where God places me. He goes

into the job. Eight months later, resign. Why resign? Oh my

boss? Are you don't understand my boss? Michael League and the environment.

But I say, in the first place, we prayed. You feel that

God has called you there? Right and so after eight months you eject yourself

out of God's will when we prayed about it and you sit there is where

God is placing you. And I'm talking about similarly, think about marriage.

You know in our church, you know, we have like most churches with

marriage counseling. All right, our marriage counseling cost used to be Chough lessons.

Can you imagine Cheugh lessons? Right? But now we customize it a

little bit. But one of the things that we do in our marriage counseling

costs before when a couple is going to courtship and there preparing for marriage.

Of course, mendatory in our church is mandatory to go through or not we

won't marry you, basically, so we make sure the couple goes through counseling.

And one of the key expects in those weeks that they go through counseling

is to understand calling. Is to understand calling. Yes you love each other,

Yes you're attracted to each other. Yes you have so many things that

you can say about each other. But more than everything, the very foundation,

as you're preparing to enter, we say, is you understand calling that

God has called you? Why is that important? Because if you understand calling.

Then you understand that no matter what you go through in the seasons in

marriage, which come on, let's be real, can be pretty difficult,

painful, and even devastating, there will be then a sense of hope and

strength to recognize even though it is tough. But I know in the first

place, God called us into this marriage. Amen. And so we don't

simply throw the big divorce work out. We say no, we hang on,

We push true, we work throughe the relationship because we recognize that God

calls us into this relationship. Amen, we understand calling, We embraced calling.

Then comes the grace of God into our lives, into our relationships to

be successful. Amen. First saying marriage is a calling, number two the

second ce marriage is a covenant. Marriage is a covenant. Let's look at

Malachai chapter two, verse fourteen. Now, the context of this verse is

that Israel, like specific the priests were questioning why their offerings were not seemingly

accepted by the Lord, and the Lord begin to rebuke them. Actually,

he says, you ask why why you were so called rejected? Is it

because the Lord is the witness between you and the wife of your youth?

You have been unfaithful to her though she is your partner, the wife of

your marriage. What covenant? So marriage is about a covenant? Now,

what is a covenant? I know it's a big word and we don't use

it often in our daily language, but covenant is a sacred agreement between two

groups of people or two people, basically a very a secret agreement. In

Hebrew, the word covenant simply means to bind together. There is a binding.

Right. In fact, we use this term in contracts, say,

oh, the contract binds you, right, So, but this is a

covenant is different, it's more solemn. It's the binding together. Is the

picture you can imagine your picture of two objectives, two objects, all right,

they are strongly bound together, nail together, glue together, screwed together,

whatever it called. They were just bound together, not meant to be

broken. That's a huge difference in the understanding of what a covenant is versus

what we more commonly known as a contract. All right, What is a

covenant and why is it different from a contract? Okay? Why we're talking

about contracts? Huh? Because in a sense, you know, you heard

of, for example, pre nuptials, all right, before the couple get

married. Say, let's sign let's get into this prenupture, which is that

if we do separate and divorce, Therefore, the prenuptial contract determines that I

get this, you get that, all right, So that's a pre nuptial

contract, for example. But that's a huge difference between covenant and contract number

one. A covenant is based on trust between the parties, whereas a contract

is based on distrust. Let's do this deal together, let's enter the business

together. But bye bye, bye bye bye. Because I don't trust you

so much, you don't trust me so much. Let's be fair, Let's

go to the lawyers. We draw up a contract just to safeguard, right,

because I don't trust you fully, you don't trust me fully. Right,

Okay, we go to the we go to the lawyer, We get

a contract. The very purpose of the contract is a document because you distrust

each other. I'm not saying it's wrong, but I'm not saying that's the

very purpose. Right, we don't trust each other, so we draw a

contract. Whereas a covenant, it's really about trust between two parties. We

trust each other, we have a covenant. It is based on that.

A covenant number two is based on unlimited responsibility. If I've a covenant with

you, my wife, I've unlimited responsibility to care for you, to love

you unconditionally, Whereas a contract involved limited liability if anything happens. This is

what the contract says. Anything more you don't get. But a covenant is

about unlimited responsibility that we have towards each other. And finally, a covenant

cannot be broken if new circumstances occur. Think about that, because the covenant

is sacred. Even whatever new circumstances occur, the covenant is not to be

broken. However, a contract can be avoided by mutual consent. You agree

to break off, agree to break off. Okay, let's go to lawyers

and we we get it done with. Whereas a covenant remains the same.

And then this whole concept of covenant, we don't have time to think about

how God covenant mixed covenant with us. It's about his unconditional love towards us.

It it's nothing you and I can ever do there will cost God to

break his covenant with us. It's a very powerful spiritual commitment that is made.

And therefore, when we understand the context of marriage, those of us

who are in marriage, in the relationship, it is sacred thing that says

we are together. Think about the marriage wows those of you are got married.

If you went through the traditional marriage wows, you went something like for

better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in

health, to love and to cherish till death do us part? Think about

that? What is that describing? That's describing a covenant. It's not describing

a contract. It's like nothing separate us until somebody dies. That's basically what

it means. Nothing. That is the sacredness of a covenant. Covenant is

meant to bind two together permanently and is not meant to be separated. You

know. It's just like, like I said, two pieces of Imagine two

pieces of paper coming together and you put a glue and you stick two pieces

of paper. If you try to actually separate the two pieces of paper,

is it possible, Yes, but very very likely nine nine nine percent you

will destroy both pieces of paper. And that is why covenant is sacred.

There will be devastating effects when a covenant is broken, and part of the

covenant in the understanding of covenant is the oneness that a husband and the wide

share as one as husband, as what and wife. The covenant is about

coming together so that we can be one. This is the concept of we're

called one flesh. Let's look at March Upter ten, verse seven to nine.

March Upter ten, verse seven to nine. For this reason, he

can go to the verse for me. Is it that the next verse?

Right? Thank you? Oh it's here, but it's not here, Okay,

ken, I got it right. For this reason, a man will

leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two

will become one flesh, so that they no longer two, but one flesh.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate. So

the verse verse, he says, it's the reason why a man will leave

his father and mother be united with his wife. Now, this is the

concept of leaving and cleaving. Now, basically, don't misread this versa.

He says, this is why a man will leave his father and mother.

Will not ask you to abandon your parents when you get married. It's not

about that. The concept or the principle is. But when you do get

married, or before that, before you get married, your number one priority

and affection is always towards your parents, amen, because you're the son,

you're a daughter. But it says when you do get married, there needs

to be a reordering of that priority. Basically, then the number one place

in your life is no longer your parents, It is your spouse. Now,

please understand, by all means, we are not saying your parents are

not important, but there's a very clear reordering of priority that the number one

person who's most important in your life right now has to be your spouse.

Why because you're already one, remember, one flesh, so that the two

will become one, right, so that they are no longer two, but

they are one flesh. So that is the priority. Oneness in one,

oneness in coming together, oneeness, in understanding that between me and my wife,

God us call us to be one, so that moving forward we do

not serve as two individuals, but we serve as one in spirit. There

is that oneness now two in one. There's a combined oneness in our calling,

in our destiny. And so one of the most beautiful things I believe

in marriage is that oneness that comes between husband and wife that we're no longer

to But with that oneness right now comes a multiplied power and grace that God

gives to start a family in ministry, to be a blessing to people.

That is that oneness. So marriage is a covenant. We talk about marriage

is all calling. And finally, marriage is a commitment. Now that's a

huge word. Marriage is a commitment, the ability to stick on, the

ability to be tenacious, not to give up, commitment for what, commitment

to do whatever necessary to make the marriage successful. That's the commitment. Look

at efficient Sept. Four versus two entry. It says, always be humble

and gentle, be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's thoughts

because of your love. Now this verse basically addressing the body of Christ,

and more so of course in a marriage is applicable. Be humble, be

gentle, be patient with each other. That's commitment making allowance for each other's

thoughts. Now, do our partners irritate us making allowances for each other's thoughts?

What is making allowances for each other's thoughts? My interpretation that is give

chancellor, make allowance, but give chancellor close one Eyela. Now I'm not

saying necessary to excuse wrongdoings, but we are saying, extend grace, Amen,

extend grace, we're not saying accept the wrongdoings, but we're saying extend

grace gives allowance because of your love. And then verse three says, make

every effort, that's commitment. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in spirit,

binding yourselves together with peace. So there is that making every effort.

Making every effort, I think denotes hard work. So it is hard work.

It is not a work in the part seriously, all right, and

in my in our experience, right, the first couple of years after marriage,

a lot of challenges, a lot of different different adjustments that need to

be made, a lot of hard work. And I remember, uh,

you know when we got married. You know, after I take my clothes

out of the the cupboard, right, I would just put my hanger on

the bait why the big so big? Put things last? Wait, loughing

at me, Well now you take you turn around, so convenient. Then

my wife say, can you please put the hanger on the right place where

we put I say, okay, ok ok. After many, many,

many years, I think, still didn't happen. And one day, one

day she took the hanger, waving in front of me. This is almost

physical abuse. I yeah, waving in front of me, and she say,

let me tell you this one is a hanger, and hanger got no

legs one, so the hanger cannot itself and hung itself at the right place.

So the human being mustake the hanger and put at the right place.

Ever since then, I comply because my life was threatened. But it's really

about adjustments, and I think most of us understand. We come to a

point where don't say no, I'm a doubt. I do whatever I like.

If you talk like that, don't get married, please, true not

guys. Marriages, Oh my, a doubt. I do whatever I like.

If you talk like that, you know, I tell singer. Guys,

if you're very happy with your single life, going out whatever, whenever

you want, coming back, whatever you want, using your money, however

you want, which is good because you're a single, you're independent and you

want that independence after marriage. Please do not get married. Please do not

get married. It's just a recipe for disaster, because after you get married,

you have to make major adjustments, and the fact is you're giving up

your personal rights. That's what happened. It's a commitment for us to change,

commitment to change change one, change ourselves right, I think very very

often we like to change who are change that the person? Right? You

change you change, right, So don't focus on looking for or branding for

the perfect partner. Focus instead of becoming the perfect one, all right?

Or there's this saying, right, don't look for the right one, be

the right one, I think, which is true? You know why all

of us to take personal responsibility for our own christ likeness? Am I right?

We take responsibility. If I'm impatient and I work hard to work with

my in my impatience, impatience right. If I'm lazy, then I work

hard to change. If I have a bad attitude, I work hard myself

to change. So all of us did to what I say, take personal

responsibility. So the difference is this, right in a marriage, in relationship

ships, the focus should be always taking personal responsibility for personal change rather than

demanding the other person to change. Right, when I come home, I've

a right that the house be clean because I'm the husband. Example, and

the wife says, you know, every month, because I'm the wife,

I have the right to demand that you would do this for me or you

banging this amount in the account for me. So the marriage is going to

be very tough if you focus on our rights, because the more I focus

on my rights means I want you to change for me. This is my

right. So I'm taking from you, this is my right. I'm thinking

from you. This is my right. I'm thinking from you. This is

my right. I demand it from you. I demand this from you.

You keep taking, and once you keep thinking, what happens to your partner.

Your partner's emotional bank account stats to deplete. So there's where a lot

of marriages break down. Right, So instead of demanding for my rights and

taking from my partner, I focus on what responsibility. See, I do

what I'm supposed to do. My wife esther does what she is supposed to

do. When we focus on our personal response to change ourselves. So when

my wife changed from changes, who rips the blessing? I rip the blessing?

When I change, who rips the blessing? She rips the blessing.

In that sense, we're giving to each other. So instead of now taking

and taking, it's me giving her, me giving her, and she giving

me and she giving me. And that is how the relationship drives because it

does not focus on my rights, but focus on my responsorability amen. The

commitment to change. It's also about commitment to change, but also commitment not

to change, meaning there needs to be that steadfastness in our hearts to say

that my love, my care, my concern for my spouse must never change.

It must always stay consistent. You know, I like this set of

a humor there the love word for example. You know we like to throw

the love word around, you know. So imagine a couple after six weeks

of getting married. The husband says, I love you, I love you,

I love you the six weeks after six months, you love me at

of course I love you aut after six years. If I didn't love you,

well I marry you. The husband comes back from work after six weeks.

Honey, I'm back after six months. I'm back after six years.

Have you cooked ALREADYA rings after six weicks? Baby, somebody wants you on

the phone after six months, Here is for you? After six years,

answer the phone. Woman cooking After six weeks, the guy says, I

never knew frank Rice could taste so good. After six months, what are

we having for dinner tonight? After six years? Frank Rice again? She

comes home with a new dress after six weeks. Wow, you look stunning

like an angel in that dress. After six months, you bought a new

dress again after six Yes, how much your love finger. So the reality

is that over time there are changes that takes place. Now, don't we

are with your love over those things. But the reality is that one of

the most important factors right in determining the success of a marriage is the ability

for us not to change our deep affection and love for one another, a

commitment that is absolutely exclusive, every exclusive exclusive, to remain faithful and to

remain loyal. You know, one of the terms that I hear and sometimes

I get this question a lot. You know, it's that pastor you know,

we are married, but we can have relationship or friendship with our friends

of the opposite sex, right, I say, of course, And this

is what the term that is used called platonic relationship. Platonic relationship means you

know, you are close to that person of the opposite sex, for example,

but it's non romantic and non sexual. Right, so we get a

platonic like like we see the sitcom friends are living together. No, no,

let me tell you. Is it possible to be close to another person

of the opposite sex and remain this platonic relationship. It is possible, but

I also tell you in a very practical perspective, it is very dangerous.

Well, then, cannot be good friends with people of the opposite sex?

Are can do it in a cruel But if you're married today, I'm going

to be spending time with my high school friend. Never meet Radia. So

long tonight we're going for dinner every month we catch up. Let me tell

you, even as a pastor, I don't trust myself. I don't trust

myself. Men that I hear. Men, let's be realer. Is it

possible, men that I hear that, although we are married, and even

though we're happily married, is it possible still for us to be physically,

emotionally whatever attracted to someone of the opposite sex? Yes? Or no?

Yes? So no? Yeah, that's it? Right? And so what

do we do if we understand how important marriage is and how easy it is

for us to actually be tempted? So we draw the line, clear lines

of exclusivity. Amen. Right, So that's important. It takes commitment.

It takes commitment also to resolve conflicts in marriages. Conflicts always takes place.

Yes, Can they ever be a conflict? Free marriage canna hardly you know

whatever a couple says, Oh, we don't argue, we don't argue,

we don't fight. Only two possibilities. Why the couple don't fight Number one

Barrukavin or number two. They have fought and fought and fought and fought until

it's like, forget it better, don't say anything. And you know,

right, the marriage is dysfunctional. But the reality is marriage important puzzle of

every form of relationship. It's conflict necessarily bad, No, because there is

a positive sight to conflict. In fact, every healthy relationship, dynamic should

have conflict. You know that. Okay, why no, it's just imagine,

you know, if if if someone is a dating for remember of your

first date when you were dating the girl and you were like very excited.

You were waiting with the girl. No, maybe in front of background,

you know Kelcy Sea there or I can see the tower, so waiting for

her for a hot date. Then she comes, all right, but she's

actually late. She's like forty five minutes late. You're supposed to meet at

seven o'clock. She only came seven forty five because you know, she was

like traffic germ and all that, and she comes, apologizing, so sorry,

I'm so sorry, I keep you waiting here forty five I'm so sorry.

Now what do you say? It's okay. In fact, the last

forty five minutes just thinking about you make me so happy. It's okay.

Then, what you want to eat? You choose? No, you choose,

you choose, not a forty five minutes that you choose. You choose,

you choose, you choose, you choose because you're just starting the relationship,

am I? Right? Fast forward five years after Marriat. You're waiting

there and she is late, five minutes? Sorry? Sorry? What?

Sorry? What? Sorryer? Wait for you? I'm so hungry? You

know what's not me? You always say a me, wait for you?

What you know? It my favorite KFC hung KFC again? Now what's your

And you're now like, now, now, what's happening? It's not necessarily

bad. Think about that when everything is new, all right, it's like,

it's okay, no problem. Why Because you're in the forming stage of

the relationship, so you wear a mask. You have high tolerance. You

don't show your true colors. Right after some time, as the religion progress,

let's thinking about marriages. Right, we come to the point of actually

high trusts as you're dating and you come to trust. And when you have

trust, what do you do? When I trust you, you trust me?

I become more wide honest with my feedback. Am I right? I'm

more honest, I'm more blund. But when I'm more blond, I get

into we get into one flicks. It's like you if you invite me to

your house tonight right now? If I go back home and my wife cooks

all right, and you know she spent two hours cooking in the kitchen because

she was inspired by Jamie Oliver and YouTube or something, right, So she

spent two hours cooking, right, And I go back home, and then

she says, ever ready come, there's this new recipe that I learned from

Jamie Oliver. Then I eat her food. I go, oh, I

cannot take it. I don't like it. Well, I spent two hours.

I know you spent to oas cooking with me, but I don't like

the days. But you don't appreciate I appreciate you, So the fighter.

If I go to your house and your cooking is worse than my wife,

all right, then I eat your food. Now, every how's my food?

What do I say oh nice, nice, Oh nice? Where do

you unique or your foot? What are you unique? Whole? I will

even lie to you. Why do I lie to you? Because I don't

have enough repole or trust with you. There's no relationship, right, not

enough repole. So I cannot be honest with you. But with my wife

I can immediately say I don't like it. But in my honest with each

other we get into conflict. Is it necessary bad? No, It's part

and puzzle of relationship development. Amen. Then we work through those conflict piece

by piece and over time, that's how we strengthen our marriages. Amen.

By the way, my wife is a fantastic cook. Okay, So the

absence of conflict doesn't mean that everything is good. In fact, the absence

of conflict very often reveals that the relationships are very shallow, all right.

Now, of course, when conflict occurs, that's where it is critical,

because if conflict not handle maturely or in a biblical way, it goes to

a place that is extremely ugly, all right. But if conflict is addressed

and handled in a very mature, biblical way, it goes to another place

that will strengthened and make the marriage beautiful, So we must learn to engage

in conflict in a mature manner. Three phrases I think that are most critical

and most important for all of us to learn to say. Whenever we have

disagreements with each other, are these three statements. Number one, I was

wrong. Number two, I'm sorry. Number three, please forgive me.

Very simple statements. Number one I was wrong, Number two, I'm sorry,

number three, please forgive me. If we learned to utilize this tree

phrases, all right, very quickly, very sincerely, all right, I

believe that you will help us to move forward. You see, the whole

concept of acknowledgement, saying sorry and then asking for forgiveness. Isn't that the

gospel, by the way, is that the gospel. That's the gospel of

grace. You know, we've acknowledged we messed up, we asked for forgiveness.

We are forgiven fresh start the grace of God. Amen. So we

need to exercise that in marriages. If there is wrongdoing, that are things

that are you know, I'm godly responsibility. Acknowledge there was wrong, ask

for forgiveness, Amen, and then that's it, fresh start. We move

forward. So in conclusion, let me just summarize the three season marriage about

what is what calling? Number two it's a covenant, and number three it's

about a commitment. It's commitment. It is a calling, a very sacred

calling that a man God would call a man woman together in a beautiful relationship.

It's also a covenant not men to be broken. It's a covenant to

be kept based on trusts. And finally, commitment requires a lot of hard

work, Amen, hard work that every couple must work through issues, work

through difficult times. There are different seasons in life, but if you're committed

to it, I'm very confident that every marriage will be successful, and more

so when we have a god angle to it, we recognize that this is

the call of God in our lives. Then we and our spouse together as

one can be a powerful united force to be used by God falk his glory.

And the amount of impact that we can make to the next generation,

to our children, to our children's children, and the people around us is

gonna be massive and gonna bring lots of glory to God. Amen. Thank

you for listening to the Generation's Church podcast. We hope you have been blessed

by the Word of God. Today. Remember to stay tuned by subscribing to

this podcast. For more inspiring content, do share it with your family and

friends, Follow and tag us on social media at Generation's Mind. For more

information, check us out on bit dot Lee's Last Generation's Mind