Living and Leaving Well | Pr Dr Victor Wong

Hey there, you're listening to the Generation's Church podcast. We pray that the

word of God today will challenge, change and channel you into your God given

destiny. Now let's get started the topic of my servant. It's called actual,

it's called a living funeral. I call it living and living well.

So to do that. To do that, I would like to request help

from all of you in a role here, and I'm going to restructure the

whole stage a little bit. As I told you, discerment will be a

little bit different from the normal. I will need more more help. I

will like you to put this picture somewhere Pacifictor why do you do a living

funeral? What is a living funeral? What's interesting is that when I turn

fifty, I want to do my living funeral, and there's no church that

will allow me to bring my coffin in except every nation, Puccho. So

pass the teams say, yeah, why not? You just do your living

funeral here. So I did the living funeral, which I'm going to go

through later, but I'm not going to replicate. I can't aplicate the living

funeral here, but I would give you the context of what I did.

So that was two zero one seven, and on the same stage was also

the place where I have to say goodbye to my good friend past the team.

It's very surreal because at my living funeral he gave the eulogy. At

his real funeral, I gave the eulogy. So if you think about it,

both of us attended each other's funeral, and in the sense it's meaningful.

That's what Joel say. Just now, will the grief? How do

you manage grief? Will the grief ever go away? I don't know you

can go through I think different one of us. Even I am going through

counseling right now. We can imagine for Joel and the mom how is it

like? How is it grief? Like? Yo? We know there are

five stages. We know Okay, we've gone through it. I'm a pastor.

We have done counseling, and sometimes the hardest people to counsel ah the

pastest because they know Lord right, so they know what's going through. And

so I told myself, I'm not going to overanalyze neither am I going to

underestimate how grief it's like. So I'm still going through it. I can't

say it's getting better. I hope it is, you cannot see the effect

of it. I look very normal on stature, But I like what the

late German geologian and pastor ditrich Upon Halfer say in one of his statements,

in one of Love. He's saying this. He says that nothing can make

up for the absence of someone whom we love, and it will be wrong.

It would be wrong to try to find a substitute. We must simply

hold out and see it through. That sounds very hard at first, but

at the same time it is a great consolation for the gap as long as

it remains unfiel. I repeat, the gap, as long as it remains

unfiled, reserve the bond between us. It is nonsense to say that God

feels the get You say that it's nonsense to say that God will feel the

gap. God doesn't feel it, but on the contrary, keeps it empty.

So helps us to keep us alive our former communion with each other,

even at the course of pain. And I thought it was very beautiful written

by Riship Vonoffer, that the grief that we go through, whether it's a

passing away with somebody or whatever grief, sometimes the gap will be there for

a long time because you love the person and that gap cannot be feeled.

The pain will be more bearable, but the gap will always be dead.

The thing about living funeral is this, there is not enough time to die.

What I'm going to do is I'm just gonna read you different snippets from

my book called Unspoken Words, UH to illustrate the whole thing. What do

I mean by not enough time to die? I think that there are two

ways people die, suddenly or gradually. Either way, either way it is

of the times of the essence. In a case of sudden death, both

the disease and the next of kin will be reactive towards its sudden like what

positive actually went true. There is not enough time to think. Decisions will

have to be made. In a case of a gradual death, by already

is a main perspective. The remaining days that you have will become very important.

Well, decisions will also have to be made, but you'll be more

like learning to say no to the good things so that you will say yes

to the best thing. Thinking about that is not a preoccupation of death.

It's not. It does not need to be morbid. In fact, the

more you learn to talk about death. The more you are in touch with

your mortality. That brings a certain balanced perspective of life. From my experiences

in life in persform, restreet death is a race against time, simply because

we tend to postpone important things right to the end if time is kind enough

to us in the case of a gradual death. Most people use their remaining

time to appreciate love, ones seek forgiveness, distribute their assets to draw up

their will, visit special places, do memorable things. But time is usually

shorter than their bucket is. And the set truth is when you want to

use your pressures time to do the important things, those around you will not

be able to reciprocate in time. So but what if we space out?

What if we live life with the end in mind even though we cannot predict

when we die. What if we live each day appreciating the precious moments and

doing the important things. I love the romantic comedy about Time. I love

this romantic comedy. I'm not sure if you've seen that or not, but

I make my pre metal counseling watch this movie. It is about the special

ability of a young man by the name of Tim. His name is called

Tiam, who is able to travel back into time anytime he wants. He

can travel back in time, and the profound lesson at the end of this

movie is this team learns to live each day twice. First time he lived

normally with all the apps and downs, but the second time he lived again,

but this time he noticed all the beauty in between without changing anything.

We cannot time travel, but we can take time to appreciate them now and

the most important time of our life now. See most of us, we

don't have enough time to die. Which album in is book Tuesday with Maury

inspire me to do the living funeral, and he says this that when you

learn how to die, when you learn how to die, you learn how

to live. So why a living funeral? Why do a living funeral?

Let me tell you why I've been thinking. I've been thinking, actually hard,

how to celebrate my fiftieth day, How to make it meaningful, how

to make it memorable. So I told myself, Okay, there will be

fifty things that I'm going to do for my fiftieth birth day. I want

readrow all fifty. I just came through some Number one a fishing trip with

my father. Number two I will complete my doctorate. Dese is number three.

My mother will attend my convocation because I realized that when I got my

first degree, my second degree, you know, I didn't want a convocation,

just felt was very unnecessary. I forgot that it matters a lot to

my mother. So I say, on my fiftieth day, I will graduate

and my mom will attend that. And she did that. And one of

the things I want to do is I'm going to do a musical watch of

musical together with my wife. You know, Kelly, and one of my

goddaughters have always loved to go clubbing, and she don't dare to go.

So I went with her clubbing, father and daughter just doing clubbing together.

And then one of the things I wanted to do is to conduct the funeral,

the real funeral my cousin Dorothy. And then I want to coordinate a

young Pastor's academy. And then I want to do a theological study on the

subject of the anger of God, God getting angry and me getting angry at

God. And I told myself I'm going to preach a sermon series in every

nation church Malaysia entitled the Journey of Transition. One more thing I want to

do is I want to design and conduct systematic theology for the next generation.

So I put myself into the test. I put all the teenage there,

and I teach theology. If they sleep, feel, if they get excited.

You know. I passed, you know. So I did that,

and then I wanted to produce a corporate video for my company. The review

story I put out here, I want to double it with positimity and risa.

One more thing, I'm gonna play football and score. I must spake

sure I score when I turn fifty. You oh, I don't like Duran.

And for the three things I want to do with this, I'm gonna

eat a whole Duran I myself, you know. And then I'm gonna have

a jubilee dinner with my closest friend. Number forty eight, I want to

catch Spider and watch them fine. Forty nine, I'm gonna rewrite my book

Unspoken Words. And the fiftieth thing the fifty things I want to do is

this, I want to do my living funeral. So why my living funeral?

Why not you think about it? Since most of you will not be

at my real funeral. My living funeral, I invite as many people as

I can. Let me tell you why I did my living funeral. Number

one, I get to see those who can make it to my funeral.

Number two, I get to thank and appreciate the people while I'm still alive.

Number three, I get to hear songs and eulogy and I can actually

correct them right or wrong. I can design my own funeral program and debreathe

with my wife. Later. I get to see my own coffin, and

yes, I wanted a white coffin. Another reason, it is cheaper.

You don't need to buy any risks for my funeral. Number eight. You

do not need to visit me in the event that I'm in a hospital.

Please do not visit me if I'm lying in a hospital. Number nine.

My parents and siblings get to see my funeral and hear my appreciation for them.

Number ten. You do not need to look solemn. You can still

cry, but it will be tears of graditu Number eleven. Now they've done

my living funeral, you have a lifetime to appreciate me and take me out

for a nice meal. Number twelve. Invariably it will cause you to think

of your own funeral. And Number fifteen. Now that I've learned to die,

I can say that the best of me is yet to come. Aw

Tosa. In this book Whatever Happens to Worship, he says this. He

says that the average person in the world today, without faith, without God,

without hope, is engaged in a desperate personal search throughout his lifetime.

He does not really know where he has been. The average person, he

does not really know what he's doing here, and now he does not know

where he is going. The said commentary is that he's doing all on borrowed

time, borrowed money, borrowed strength, and he already knows that in the

end he will surely die. It boils down to the bewildered confession of many

that we have lost God. Somewhere along the way, Men made more like

God than any creature, has become less like God than any other creature.

Men created to reflect the glory of God, he has retreated suddenly in his

cave, reflecting only in his own sinfulness. Certainly, it is a tragedy

above all tragedies that men meet with a soul to worship and praise and sing

God's glory now sucks silently in his own cave. Love has gone from his

heart, light has gone from his mind. Having lost God, he blindly

stumbles on through this dark world, only to find grief at the end.

And my prayer is that I would not lose God along the way. I

would like to always say the best of me is yet to come. And

that's why I did mine living funeral. It took me two years to plan

for it, and I have got malaives coming. I've got all sorts of

people coming. I have a lot of Chinese superstitis who come because they scolded

their children and says Sola, this person didn't diet. Going to a living

funeral, you know, and most of my young Adul says, that's precisely

why we need to hear you, Pacifictor. And after the event, it

was amazing how family turned around. And my living funeral we collect an offering

for cancer survivor and family is being restored and detain me and say, Pasi

Victor, your living funeral actually helped me to manage my parents' funeral. Whenever

we talk to my parents about funeral, they will school us. It's a

taboo subject for Chinese. But we get to blame you because when you do

it, my parents are angry, and actually that's exactly what we need them

to be angry at first, but in their anger they begin to talk about

their life. They are will their lives and dislikee and inaviatably, we were

ready to say goodbye to my parents. So that was why I did my

living funeral. And also in my living funeral, it's four funeral in one.

It is also to honor my wife. Both my parents also get to

see how their funeral will be alive. So tomorrow both my parents are still

alive, and if they pass away tomorrow, we will know what to do.

And they have seen the gratitude that we have done for them. So

eventually it was not about me. We'renna pointed back to the God. So

really, now if I really die, if I really die today, you

know, how will my real funeral be? Will first of all my in

every funeral, I notice the wife. Ah, you will see that in

most funerals there's a lot of activities going on. My poor wife, if

she survived me, will have a lot of thanking and hosting to do.

She will have a lot of decisions to make, she will have a lot

of directing to do, and she's probably gonna hear countless testimony of what a

blessing I have been to those in attendence. She will have no time to

grieve. She will keep saying thank you for coming, thank you for coming,

that you're coming, thank God. She would have had a lot of

people, and that's not wrong. That's what I've seen in every funeral,

and that's precisely what I don't want my wife to actually go through. In

short, my funeral allowed them to be a family, a space to be

family without a constrain of time. There's no pressure to perform, no obligation

to take care of guests and make heaty financial contribution. They can be themselves,

enjoy familiness. It takes a funeral to be a family again, and

we will cherish that for a long time. And so in the event that

I am sick, please do not visit me in the hospital, all right,

because if you do visit me in the hospital, it's very stressful for

my family members. They have to entertain you. You think about it,

if this is a hospital bit, if I am blind on the hospital bit,

and if past the andes here the doctor citizen about twenty minutes of sharing

that right, definitely past and DNJ will pray for me, right, I

still pray for being here in Jesus name Amen. Just after before I fall

asleep, Joelo will come. Oh you know that would. Oh and I'm

very sure Joelo out of bread deal will be praying for me. Right.

Oh. Can you imagine how many more people will be doing this? And

you are robbing myself time with my wife. Not that you're not important,

You're very important. I know you love me. You can just text,

send me a video something you know like that because as a pastor, I

found that some of the most beautiful moments before people pass it pass away is

the last moment at this side. Please call my son from us. I'm

so sorry, pasta. I want to say sorry to my son a video,

tip it and be wait for the sun to act, will come back

and if you are there. Actually, the truth is, I know you

love the person, but you're distracting the family time. And then that's when

I say, don't need to visit me in hospital unless I call you to

actually come. So if you think about it, when you learn to do

your living fun way, begin to think about your own funeral. You think

with the end in mind, you will leave a better person. But I'm

not saying you must do your living funeral. Now. The interesting thing is

this conversation I have had many times with Faster the team. We laugh about

it, we joke about it, but the truth is, you know,

you know by concept, you know really. But the funny thing is when

asking Tim in your termtime, I say, I ask simple, a very

simple person. Just keep it simple. I'm very simple man. You know,

no ne la, whatever you wanna do, they do. So.

During my friend's funeral, I was there, of use, I was crying.

You know. I'll tell myself Tim when I get to heaven, I

need to discuss with you again. Why didn't you give me more instruction what

you actually want to do. You're simple to be simple at all. But

of course the beautiful thing about what's the team's you know, is this in

one death, when one life was taken away, many more roles, many

more leaders came up to me and say, passiving, I will be a

better leader. Passiving, I will be the better husband. Passively. I

will now come for prayer meeting Pacific. Now I will be a cell leader.

You know, I'm not sure it's it out of guilt or what but

I look at a coffeine and the team and say, well, mine is

going to be private. Yours is very public. But in one death you

actually achieved so much. No wonder it would of God says, you know,

when the colonel which falls and die many more or bad fruits and my

dear friend team leave his legacy. But for me it would be like that.

For me it will be private because I love my wife, I love

the people around me, and I wanted my cultural all to be around.

So if you're not there, it's really helpful. Let them learn to be

family. But one year later, ah, it's a different story. One

year later, two years later, one month later, I'm very sure one

of my godson or goddaughter will want to do something public, and then it's

okay. Then you can actually go ahead and do it. And if I

mean a lot to you, you will be there. If not, it's

okay not to be there. The Book of Some Study, chapter nine,

verse four to seven has this to say. It says say that show me,

oh God, my life's d and a number of my days. In

others it's very bribical to tell God, God, show me, show me

God, how long do while I live. Sometimes God will tell you,

sometimes you would. I don't know, but something says, show me you

know the number of my days, and let me know how fleeting my life

is. You have made my days a mere hand breadth, and the span

of my years. There's nothing before you. Each man's life is. But

yeah, a breath. That's all we are. Men is a mere phantom.

He goes to and fro. He buzzes about, but play in vain.

He heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. But now,

Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you?

You all read thirty say that my hope, oh God, is in you.

I need to close this time by sharing with you a soul check question

that I do for most of my members. If I would ask you,

how would you read the quality of your life? One to ten? How

would you read it? How to say in a Pacific tar, very subjective?

Okay, it doesn't matter. How would you read the quality of your

life? You'll be interesting if you read one. It will also be very

interesting if you read ten. Who would you read the quality of your life?

Number two? Who is one person you really need to appreciate? Oh?

Many many people? Yes, But who is one person now that you

really want to appreciate? Next question, is there someone you need to make

peace with? You? In your life? There will always be room for

bitterness. I think there will be some room for and forgiveness for a start,

because it's always a process. But the longer you read, the bitter

it gets. Is there somebody you really need to make peace with? Next

question? Have you settled all your financial and private affairs? The set truth

about many funerals will be this. After the father, mother, or the

loved one pass away, you leave behind a huge amount of debt and answerved

methods for the loved ones to actually manage. Next question, what is the

best way to appreciate your family? The next question what is the most precious

possession you are living behind? Was the final question? Have you accepted the

Lord Jesus Christ and as your personal Lord and savior? This is some questions

Sorison I like to leave with you now. Some of you are a lot

more younger. You're not thinking about death, which is totally okay, But

remember what I say. There are two ways to die. Die suddenly die

gradually. If you are young, you think yours will be a gradual death.

Thing again. If you are old, you may think you will die.

Suddenly, think again. The statistics of death is very amazing. One

out of one will die. It's amazing, one out of one will die.

I've done a powerful study of this subject. One out of one will

die. How would you want to live this mortal life? And that is

why I did my living funeral? All right, So on the close,

because we know we have a Q and A and I give you enough time

for that to actually happen. But again on behalf of uh pastitive team,

but the triassa and every nation church, we want to thank you to be

the church that He preaches, last sermon the main thing, keep the mainting,

the maintaing honor God, make disciples a powerful servant that He preaches.

And today's my honor to stand at the same stage to share my story with

all of you. I'm sure there'll be money more days that we can share

more, but like to keep this serman simple by sharing about my living Throughnerald.

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