Sunday Seminar • Robert Stevens

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All right, so I was going to give a little brief introduction, but I feel like after I get done

with probably the first quarter of this, you guys are going to know me pretty well,

so I'll leave that out. But I do want to say, my wife is

Chelsea, and I've got four little kids that you probably see running around

here. And if I haven't met you, well, you're going to know a lot about me today.

So, in 2013, I joined the Columbia police

department, and I was assigned to the most violent region in the

city. And my fourth day on the job, which was

the first day that I got to drive the patrol car, a

call came out for an unresponsive baby. My

training officer asked me if I'd ever seen a dead baby before,

and I hadn't. So he told me to tell dispatch that we'd be en route.

On my way there, I was trying to prepare for what I

was about to see. And when I got there, I realized

that what I had prepared for was probably not what I was

about to see. As I walked up to the door, the look on

my fellow officers face said it all. And my training officer

asked him, where is the baby? He said, he's on the

couch. So we walked in the front door, and I looked down

over the back of the couch, and on the couch cushion, there was a white sheet

covering a body that was much larger than I had expected.

My officer reached down, or my training officer reached down and picked up the

sheet, and there was a three year old laying with his eyes

wide open that had been murdered by his father's

girlfriend, who had incorrectly assumed that

the father was cheating on him.

I remember the scene being surreal. There was a grandmother that

was outside wailing in

a cry that I'd never even experienced before. And

I'll never forget, she

was screaming out to God and asking to bring the baby back.

There was a, father who was in complete shock, sitting on a trash

can, just staring into the woods and couldn't even

speak. And then there

was the two children that belonged to the girlfriend, who were running

around as if nothing had happened.

I remembered standing outside of the

house and, had this overwhelming, just

sense of overpowering

emotions with everything that I was witnessing. I

felt sick to my stomach. I wanted to leave.

And it even crossed my mind to call my wife and have her come pick me

up and just quit the job on the spot. I remember telling myself in that

moment that if this is what you really want to do, you need to pull

yourself together, shut these emotions down, and get the job

done. I started to experience, because

of the stress and the emotions, what's called auditory exclusion. If you

don't know what that is, it's where your body literally shuts down the hearing.

And it's like you're having to witness everything going on around you without

any sound.

So here I am watching kids run around. I can't hear anything.

I'm watching the ambulance get packed up.

I'm watching a grandmother crying, and all of this has no

sound. I

wouldn't snap out of that state until I suddenly

heard my sergeant start yelling, Stevens, go get the crime seam tape and

start taping off the yard.

So that's what I did. I shut down the

emotions, I grabbed the crime scene tape, I started a crime scene

log and began gathering people's information that was

on scene. And over the next three years, that's how I would

go about my business in law enforcement. Over the

next three years, I would find that that kind of violence was the norm for the

area that I worked in. I would see children

shot, children killed, unimaginable

abuse. A nine month old.

A nine month old that was burnt 27 times

down his back by

cigarettes just because his

parents were tired of hearing him cry.

I'd see 13 and 14 year old children killing each other

and shooting each other over gang beefs created by Facebook

posts,

suicides of all ages, natural deaths,

overdoses, fatal vehicle

collisions, daily domestic violence,

and the aftermath of an elderly woman who was so badly

neglected by her family

that she was basically stuck to a chair that she was left in

because of the bedsores that she had down her back.

I treated each scene the same.

All it was was a scene filled with evidence.

Sometimes that evidence was a dead child, a

teenager, or victims of a fatal collision, and

so on. There were nothing more than objects to be

observed and reported on in order to do my job. in 2014,

the Black Lives Matter movement began sweeping the nation after the

killing of Michael Brown. And overnight, the relationships

that I had built with the young children in my patrol area began

to implode. The very same children that, just the week

before had been playing in my patrol car with the lights and

sirens began throwing up

their hands and yelling, don't shoot at me. When I pull into their neighborhood.

Around the same time multiple ambushes of police began

happening across the country. And I was

getting police intelligence emails saying that the local

gangs in our area were planning attacks on us and that they were

talking about it on social media.

In 2015, my wife was six months pregnant with our oldest

son, and I came home from, a night

shift and turned on the tv to find out that Greg Aliyah with

Forest Acres Petey had been killed in the line of duty.

Over the following days, I would watch his wife give news interviews

holding their six month old son, and the entire department

was put on bereavement leave. So I got sent to forest Acres to cover

for their department until after his funeral.

While I was there, the thousand yard flood happened,

and I found myself coordinating a makeshift

rescue mission with one other officer. Because the entire city

was tied up. we were calling for rapid, or,

what do they call it? Rapid water

rescue. And they were tied up rescuing people around the

city. So me and one other officer had to coordinate the rescue

missions of people who were stuck in their house and forest acres using boats

by privately owned citizens.

I had already begun replying to different departments at this

point, having decided that since I was going to be a father,

I needed to move to a safer area to give myself a better chance

of getting to see my son grow up. Anxiety had already begun to

creep in, and I didn't even notice it. My

first week at Lexington county in November of 2015,

I got word that Officer Stacy case, who was

on the squad that relieved me in Columbia, had died

responding to a shooting in the vista. Within

four weeks, I'd experienced, the loss of two

officers in the line of duty, one of which I knew

personally. I'd worked a natural disaster on top of everything

else that I'd experienced over the last two and a half years

and everything that was currently unfolding in the news.

When I attempted to go to Officer Greg Leah's funeral, I experienced

what I now look back and recognize as my first panic attack.

I was getting dressed in my class A uniforms, getting ready to leave for

the funeral, and I felt sick to my stomach. I was shaking, and I

couldn't bring myself to leave the house. I didn't attend the

funeral, and I felt extremely ashamed of the fact that I couldn't show

up and be there for my fellow officers.

I, continued attempting to push down the emotions that were

getting harder and harder to keep a lid on. And

on July 7, 2016, my oldest son had just turned

five months old. We were visiting a

friend whose parents lived on Lake Greenwood. And while we were there.

Me and my wife were laying in bed, and I got an alert on my phone that there was an

active shooting taking place in Dallas. I

opened my phone and began searching the live feeds. And I sat in

bed or laid in bed and watched much of the

Dallas police massacre happen in real time from live feeds

recorded in apartments above the street that it was taking place

on. I remember telling my wife as I was

watching it, when we get home, I'm going to purchase an AR 15 and I'm going

to keep it in my patrol car with me every day, even though that was against

department policy. If you're not qualified with the weapon.

In my mind, it was only a matter of time before this stuff started

happening here and before it started happening to me.

My wife and I, prior to all of this, had begun seeing a

marriage counselor because of my inability to communicate

with her. And while seeing that counselor, he asked

if I would be willing to meet with him one on one. And I agreed.

During my first solo session with him,

he said that he had picked up on some things that we had said during our couple

or that I had said during our couples session. And

he just asked me, what is it that you are so afraid of?

And after sitting there for 15 minutes trying to keep my

composure and run out the clock of the hour that I had left to sit there

in front of him, I began sobbing.

And I blurted out, I don't want to die and have

my son grow up without having a memory of me.

This caught the therapist off guard, who also began crying.

After we both composed ourselves, he said, is it okay if I ask you

some questions? And I said, yes. He grabbed a large

book off of a shelf behind and began asking a series of

questions.

Do you have recurring nightmares? Yes.

Do you find yourself on edge all the time when you're in public?

Yes. Do you find yourself reliving

events? Yes. Have you lost interest

in things that you used to enjoy? Yes.

After what seemed like hundreds of questions and

lots of yeses, he told me you have

ptsd and anxiety because of the things that you've dealt

with and seen on your job.

He said that he recommend that I start seeing a psychiatrist.

I couldn't see a psychiatrist. I didn't know what to think.

PTSD wasn't for me. I wasn't a

soldier. I'd never been to war. I was just a street

cop. I'd only ever been shot at one time, and it wasn't

even. It was indirectly.

I ended up going about my business. I went to my

personal doctor and got put on an antidepressant, which was

supposed to be for the anxiety, and continued about my

business at work. I couldn't tell anyone because

I would lose my job. You can't have a crazy

person carrying a gun and responding to dangerous situations. That's

a liability, and that's how it would have been seen.

Over the next three years, I would jump to smaller

departments in my mind, thinking that that would help with the

anxiety, trying to hide my struggle and leave.

Then I would end up leaving law enforcement for about eight

months, and at that time, I began having panic

attacks. In 2019, I went back into law

enforcement. Since leaving the profession didn't help with the

anxiety, I lasted two months at that

department. I began having panic attacks during every

shift and coming home from early multiple times a week.

One night, I came home early, and my supervisor, who happened

to be somebody that I worked with at Columbia and who I also went to the

academy with, drove me home because I was unable to drive.

While we were in the car on the way home, I broke down

and I told him, man, I don't know what's wrong with me, and I don't think I'm cut out

for this anymore. I got home and I snuck

into the bathroom in the middle of the night while my wife was sleeping,

and I got in the shower, which was the only way at the time that I knew how to

calm myself down. When I had a panic attack

at around 03:00 a.m. my wife came into the bathroom confused

as to why the shower was on when she was supposed to be home alone, and found me

in the fetal position in the shower, crying. And

over the next month, I would lose that job at that department,

begin another job, and be diagnosed with panic attacks. On

top of the PTSD and anxiety.

I did end up seeing a psychiatrist, and he put me on some medicine

that seemed to be working alright, and I was able to work fairly steadily into

2020.

In June of 2020, I got some news that rattled me to my core,

and it knocked me off the little bit of foundation that I had left

underneath me. I began having multiple debilitating

panic attacks a day, and I had to go on

disability from work. We had little money

coming in. Basically nothing. My wife couldn't work because I couldn't

be left alone with my children, with the state that I was in.

And I had already begun isolating from my wife and

family months before this by staying at home when they

would go somewhere or in the bedroom when they were

home. And it just got worse. I spent all day, every

day in bed, afraid to leave the bedroom or even the

house. I didn't want my kids to see

me have a panic attack. And the panic attacks were so severe that I

lived every moment of my life afraid of when the next one was going to

come. I was done. I felt like I had nothing

left in my tank, and I felt like I was at the end of

my rope. Sometimes I would lay in the bed and imagine killing

myself. My wife got to the point where she

was afraid to leave me alone.

I remember one time she was leaving the house to go somewhere with the

kids, and of course I wasn't going to go because I

couldn't leave the house. And

she came into the bedroom, and she sat on the edge of the bed, and she asked

me, you're not going to do anything stupid while I'm

gone, are you? And I had to promise her

that I'd still be alive when she got home.

She ended up getting in touch with a program that my mom had told her

about that was for

veterans and first responders who were suffering from PTSD,

anxiety, anything that their job had created in their life.

And my wife got in contact with that program and told them that I needed

help. And I ended up attending

the Warrior Path program in October of 2020, which is the

first program that they put on in South Carolina.

The entire program revolved around the idea that you can turn

your struggles into strength and that you can actually use your suffering

to learn lessons, lessons about life and emerge on

the other side of your struggles and traumas and be able to

thrive because of them.

While I was in the week long program, God was working.

While the program was not religious, they did quote romans five

three five to show that this idea of being able

to thrive in the midst of your struggles and your traumas has been

around for thousands of years. Romans

five three five says not only that, but we rejoice in our

sufferings. Knowing that suffering produces

endurance, endurance produces character, and

character produces hope. And hope does not put us to

shame. Shame, at that point in my

life, had become my identity. I was ashamed

of the fact that I lost my job in law enforcement.

I was ashamed of the husband that I had become,

and I was ashamed of the father that I was being.

For years before this program, I'd spent all my time asking

God, why? all kinds of why? Questions.

Why did all this have to happen? Why do I have to

deal with all this? Why do I have to deal with

PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks? Why won't you take them

from me? And the biggest why? Question that I

continued to ask God, was why did you take law enforcement from

me? I was very angry with God. Law

enforcement was something that I enjoyed and it was something that I had wanted to

do since I was younger.

While I was in the program, I remembered psalm 46

ten, be still and know that I am

God. I'm not going to lie. The translation

that came to me in that moment was the translation that I needed, and it was

more of shut up and trust me.

And that's what I decided to do while I was there. Instead of

asking why, I began praying while I was in the program that God

would reveal his will for my life and that his

will would ultimately be done. Then during

one of the exercises they had us do, I spent the whole time

praying. I did ask God, why.

Again I asked, why did you take law enforcement from

me? I told him how much I enjoyed it,

how much I had looked forward to it at a younger age, and how

proud I was that I was actually in the job.

But I told him after that I was done asking why and that I wouldnt ask

why anymore. I was just going to shut up like he told me to and wait

for an answer. Literally minutes later, that

answer came after all of the negative

mindset that I had been in for years and the constant

whining and complaining like a little child asking God

why? I clearly heard God say to me, I haven't taken

anything from you. I'm preparing you for service in a new role.

That was the first time that I'd ever heard God clearly speak to me.

And it changed everything. I

got home after the week long program and I told my wife

that I had quit my job. And,

I told her that I was going to work at Warrior Path as one of their path guides and

help first responders and veterans.

And I hadn't been offered a job, so of course she thought

I was insane. But over the next eleven months,

God would provide for us in ways that are now

undeniable.

I would work side jobs here and there. I had no

steady stream of income and I didn't even have what

you could classify as an actual job. And yet

somehow we were able to pay all of our bills for eleven

months. In July of

2021, the director of Warrior Path reached out to me and asked

me if I was interested in becoming a path guide and teaching at the

program. And I now work at the big Red Barn retreat

teaching the warrior path program multiple times a month, where

I get to walk alongside veterans and first responders who

were dealing with the same struggles that I dealt with.

It's taken some time, but the longer

I no longer look at everything that I've been through as a curse.

And I'm now able to recognize that everything that God has allowed me

to experience had led me to a place where my only option was

to run to him and trust that everything that had

happened had happened for a purpose. But what was that

purpose? Over the next three or four

months, three to four years. It's, almost been four years

now. I've learned some hard truths that

I've reflected on when I look back at that season of my life

and what they were meant to not only teach me, but what they could also teach

others as well. And that's what I'd like to share with you guys this morning.

Before I start, I'd like to make clear that I still struggle

with anxiety and PTSD. And I will not lie to you. Full

transparency. I took his annex before I came up here this morning because you guys

are scary.

I don't have it all figured out, and I'm a broken sinner, just

as in need of God's grace as everybody else in this

room. Again, full transparency. Before I got up

here, I spit out a piece of nicorette. And about

two nights ago, when I was walking to the bedroom, I stepped on a Lego.

And any parents in here know how hard of a struggle

that is.

I want to start by sharing a definition of suffering that I've come

to love, and it comes from Elizabeth Elliott.

She is a missionary whose husband was killed by a tribe that

he intended to share the gospel with 27 months after they were

married, leaving her widowed with a one year old child in the

1950s. She said that suffering

is having what you don't want or wanting what you don't have. And that

covers just about everything.

So the first thing that I've learned is that suffering is

for our good. And as believers, we should expect to face

trials first. Peter 412

13 tells us, beloved, do not be surprised at the

fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you

as though if something strange were happening to you.

But rejoice insofar as you share in Christ's

suffering, that you may also rejoice and be glad

when his glory is revealed. M

Peter tells us in this verse

not to look at suffering as if something strange is happening to us.

In other words, we should expect it. It's part of the

deal. He tells us to rejoice

in sharing in Christ's suffering. Imagine if

that was the pitch that we gave every Sunday morning to win hearts for

Christ. Believe in God, and you'll get

to partake in the same suffering that Christ endured.

Church probably wouldn't be very popular. In

fact, this idea isn't popular. And that's

why so many churches are distorting the truth and starting to tell

christians that becoming a Christian shields you from suffering.

However, the Bible says that we're called to rejoice in our suffering,

because if we can rejoice in the midst of our suffering while we're here on

earth, how much more will we be able to rejoice when

Christ returns in all of his glory and puts an end to that

suffering? When

we think about Jesus promises, what often comes to mind

is his blessings, the promises of the blessings.

He promises to forgive us. He promises

to show us mercy, that because of our belief in

him, that we'll receive eternal life. But what

about this one? In John

1633, Jesus says, you will have suffering

in this world. He doesn't say that you might

suffer. He doesn't say that you could suffer. He

guarantees it. He says, you will have suffering.

In psalm 40 319, it says that many are the

afflictions of the righteous.

In two, Timothy 312, we read, indeed,

all who desire to live a godly life in Jesus Christ will be

persecuted. Philippians

129 tells us that for the sake of Christ, it is

granted to us not only that we would believe, but

also that we would suffer.

So if God is loving, and if he's truly sovereign

over everything that happens, then our view of suffering probably needs

an adjustment. We can often view

suffering as bad. But if God

allows it, and if God is good, and

if God loves us, then there must be some value in

it. It can't all be bad.

I recently heard Matt Chandler say that the false God of our

generation is comfortable. We live in

a time where what we often consider suffering is actually just being

uncomfortable. When our finances

are struggling, it's uncomfortable when we

have anxiety or depression or, when our marriage

is struggling, or when our children are making poor choices

that we can't do anything about. It's

uncomfortable. But uncomfortable doesn't mean that it's

bad.

Even if it's hard to distinguish between suffering and being

uncomfortable, it would be helpful to view our suffering

or our discomfort in light of what Paul tells us in Romans 828

29, we know that all

things work for the good of those who love God, who are called

according to his purpose. For those that he

foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of

his son so that he might be the firstborn among many

brothers. You'll notice that he doesn't

say that all things work out for the comfort of those who love

God. He says that all things work for the good

of those who love God. God's definition of good

is anything that can be used to conform us to the image of his

son, and that would include suffering and

discomfort. The second thing

that I learned is that suffering is meant to teach us and grow our

faith and our dependence on God. I'm sure that

we've all heard the saying in this room, God will never give you more than you

can handle.

I'll tell you that that is a lie that's invaded our faith and is now

looked upon as biblical truth. Yet the Bible never states this.

The truth is that God will never give you more than he can

handle. It's our dependence on him that

makes it possible for us to get through any of the trials or various

hardships that he allows us to experience.

In Isaiah 43 two, God

says, when you pass through the waters, I will be with

you. There are many

places in scripture where we can find characters that we all look up

to, being given more than they can handle.

And when this happens, you can see a pattern. It drives them to

a point where they cry out to God and then God gets them

through it. It's not of their own ability that they're able to make it through the

trials that they face. When God tells

Moses that he's sending him to Pharaoh to bring the Israelites out of Egypt,

his immediate reaction is that this task is too much for him

to bear. He replies to God, who

am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of

Egypt? What made it possible for him to bear

the task was the very next line in

scripture where God says again, I will be with

you

again. In numbers eleven, after having to deal

with Israelites whining and constant complaining, Moses

tells God that he cannot bear the situation that he finds himself

in. In verse 14, he says, I

am not able to carry this pupil alone. The burden is too

heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once

if I find favor in your sight that I might not see my

wretchedness again. Having more than he could

bear leads him to cry out to God. And in the very next verse,

God again helps him get through it by

appointing elders to aid Moses. And in

one kings 19, we find Elijah, who has just

defeated 450 prophets of Baal

being threatened by Jezebel, saying that she is going to do the same to

him. In this moment,

Elijah finds himself so overcome by fear that he ditches

his servant and runs into the wilderness and sits down under a tree

and asks God to let him die.

He says, it is enough now, o Lord,

take away my life, for I am no better than my

fathers. Theres obviously a lot going on in

Elijahs mind here. Hes been working for God

for some time now, and he literally just had a

giant win for God by defeating 450

prophets of Baal.

But he says that hes no better than his fathers.

This shows that for whatever reason, the enemy is

attacking him and bringing a sense of shame into

his life and a sense of failure.

And then he asks God to take his life.

He's had so much to bear that, again, it drives him to cry out to

God. And in the very next verse, again, God provides for him and

gets him through it by sending an angel to minister

to him and to strengthen him. The

third thing that I learned is that the enemy's attacks are

part of God's will, and they can even be approved by him.

There's a saying with some of the vets that I work with at the

warrior path program, and they always like to say,

you know, you're on top of the enemy when you start receiving direct

fire. Paul tells us that,

in two corinthians twelve seven, to keep me from

becoming conceited because of surpassing greatness of

revelations, a thorn was given me in the

flesh. And then he acknowledges that this

thorn was a messenger of Satan to harass and keep him

from becoming conceited.

He says that he prayed three times that the Lord would take it from him.

And do you remember what God's answer was? He said,

my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect

in weakness. In other words, God's answer

was, this isn't about you. Trust me,

M. Just as God knows

everything that we're going to do before we do it, he also knows what the enemy

is going to do before he does it,

and he can put a stop to it. But sometimes it's

his will to allow the attacks to happen. If

you look at the book of Job, Job loses everything that he

holds dear. By the end of his affliction, he's lost

his children, he's lost his possessions, he's

lost his health, and finally, he loses the

confidence of his wife. He's so disfigured

that his friends can't even recognize him. But

remember the beginning of the story. We often look at the

book of Job as a story about Satan testing a righteous

man. But remember who pointed Job out in the first

place. To our knowledge, Job was never

told about what played out behind the scenes. And here Job

is living a life as what God himself calls in

scripture, a blameless man. God and Satan are

going about their business, and Satan reports to God and

his activities, going to and fro among the earth. And

God initiates everything that will follow in the book of Job

with six simple have you considered my servant

job? Then Satan challenges

job, and God accepts the challenge.

In fact, Satan comes back multiple times and ups

the ante. And each time God accepts and says, just to spare his

life. Job now finds himself struggling

to understand why all this is happening to him. And he

begins to hurl questions at God

that might, make us shudder to even think about

if we were to talk to God like that, or ask God questions like

these. And he says things like, does it please you to

oppress me? Your hands have shaped and made

me. Will you now turn to destroy me?

Why did you bring me out of the womb? Why was I not

stillborn? And he continues to question

God. But God never answers

job. Instead, God turns around

and puts job on trial and begins to ask Job

questions that clearly put Job in his place and

show him just how insignificant job is in

comparison to himself and his sovereign plan.

Ultimately, the answer, just like the

answer that Paul got, is, this isn't about you. trust

me, the first

thing that I, or the fourth thing that I learned

is that God is ultimately for God.

Over and over again in scripture, God tells us that

everything that he does is for his glory.

In Isaiah 43, he tells us that he

created us for his glory. In Isaiah 49,

God tells us that he called Israel for his glory.

In Psalm 106 seven eight,

it says that God rescued the Israelites out of Egypt for his

glory. And in Romans 917, it says

that he raised up pharaoh, that his power might

be shown through him, and that God's

name might be proclaimed in all the earth.

And then in Exodus 14, we read that God defeated

Pharaoh at the Red Sea for his glory.

In John 17 eight, it says that Jesus sought the glory of

the father in everything that he did. And in Matthew

516 and one Peter 212, Jesus tells us

that we should do good works so that God can get

glorified or God can be glorified. In

John 1413, Jesus tells us that he answers

prayers so that God can be glorified. And Isaiah

43 25 and psalm 20 511 tells us that

God forgives sin for his name's sake.

In John 1614, it says that the work of the Holy

Spirit is meant to glorify God. In fact,

Jesus death and suffering were also meant to

glorify God. In John 12 27 28, as Jesus

is speaking to his disciples about his approaching death,

he says, now my soul is troubled, and what shall

I say? Father, deliver me from this hour.

But it is for this very reason that I have come to this hour.

Father, glorify your name.

First Corinthians 1013 tells us that

to do everything for God's glory. It says, so

whether you eat or drink or whatever you do,

do all for the glory of God. Have we ever

considered what that would actually look like? He starts

off with the most routine things that we do, like eating and

drinking. And then he says, to do all things for the

glory of God. And that all things would

include how we walk through suffering.

In Romans 1136, it says that everything

that happens will redound to God's glory.

Now, I'm not the sharpest person in this room, and so I

had to look up what redound means. And, the

definition of redound is to contribute greatly,

so everything will contribute greatly to his

glory. And that's a lot to unpack.

Think about this for a second. I want you guys to think about the worst

thing that you've ever experienced. What's the

one thing that's caused you the most suffering, the hardest

trial, the most sorrow,

the most pain?

And now tell yourself that that happened

to greatly contribute to God's glory,

that can be a little tough to swallow.

But when we're able to realize that everything that God does is

for his glory and his glory only, it really puts things

into perspective. God is so

glorious that revelation 21 23 tells us that

in the new Jerusalem, his glory will replace the sun.

His glory will literally replace the one thing that

sustained all life on earth for all time.

So what is our responsibility with all this?

I believe that our aim in all of our suffering

and our trials and our sorrow should be to glorify God. this is very

hard to do, especially when our view of everything that we endure, all the

trials, all the pain, all the sorrow, is something that is happening to

us. But what if we shifted that

perspective to realize that everything that is happening,

including the pain, the trial and the hardships and the suffering,

is actually things that are happening for us in

order to, again, from romans 828 29,

conform us to the image of his son

which of these two options holds more power when it

comes to being able to point others to Christ?

Being in the midst of our suffering and suffering

no differently than somebody in the secular world would,

taking on that victims mentality. And that woe is me

mindset. Or being in the midst of your

suffering and telling people that even if God does not

remove it from our lives, that he is still good, that we

still trust him, and that ultimately it's not

about us and how we're feeling, but it's about God and how

amazing he is, whether or not he saves us from whatever it is that

we're going through. I remember a time

when I was getting ready to teach a warrior path program, probably around a year

ago, and I was really struggling with anxiety,

and I felt like I was going to have a panic attack at some point during the

week and that it was going to happen in front of the class. And

then who am I to be up here and be an instructor who's teaching these

guys about post traumatic growth and being in a better place?

And now I'm up here having a panic attack, and my mind is just

running crazy with this. So I

decided to sit down and write out a prayer. And so

I sat down and I wrote a prayer, and I asked God to remove the

anxiety. And then in the next sentence,

I said, and if it's your will that I should have a panic

attack, please allow me to use it for your glory

and show others that you are still God and that you're still

good. That radical acceptance of

not my will, but your will be done and actually meaning

it brought the strongest sense of peace that I had ever

experienced, because I realized and accepted in that moment that

ultimately, it wasn't about my comfort. It was

about God and what he was doing in my life and what he has yet to do in

my life.

I know I've said a lot, but I'd like to leave

you guys with a challenge. In psalm

66 1012, it says, for you, O God,

have tested us. You've tried us as silver is

tried, and you brought us into the net. You've

laid a crushing burden on our backs, and you've

let men ride over us. We've went through fire

and through water, and yet you've brought us through a place of

abundance.

Our walk with God is never guaranteed to be easy.

In fact, I think it's pretty clear that it's

meant to be the exact opposite. Trials are going to

come. The enemy is going to attack you,

and those trials can be used. God to forge you

and purify us. Just like silver

is purified.

During the time that that psalm was written to forge silver, you would

take the raw materials. After you dug

up the silver or mine the silver, and you put it in a smelting pot or a

crucible. And then you would light a fire underneath it. And

intense heat was used to melt it down. As it was

melted, impurities in the metal would rise to the top. And the

refiner would then scoop out the impurities. And then allow the. The

silver to cool by putting it in water and setting it

aside. And then this process would be repeated

over and over and over. Until the metal was

purified. And the way that the refiner knew that the

metal was purified. Was when he could see his own reflection in the

metal. So my challenge to you would be

that the next time that you find yourself facing

trials or hardships or suffering,

that you shift from viewing it as something that's happening to

you and realize it.

Realize. Shift to realizing

that it's that forging process that is happening for

you. That with each trial that

comes. Also comes the opportunity to

allow God to remove some of those impurities that are still left in

us. And to continue to refine us.

So that as he does again, he's able to further

conform us to the image of his son.

If you guys don't take anything else away. From these jumbled

ramblings of this guy up here. That doesn't really know what he's

doing this morning, my prayer is that it would be this.

I know you guys might be going through something right now. And I know

that you might be suffering this morning. You might be

overcome with sorrow. You might be overcome with pain

or anxiety or depression. Or a long list

of other things that I could rattle off that you could be

experiencing. Because we live in a broken,

fallen world. That Jesus said you will have

suffering in.

I know that you might be asking God why.

You might even be begging him m to take whatever it is from

you. I know because I've been there, and I'm still there

at times. But please hear me when I

say this. Jesus died

to save you from your sins. So that your belief

in him would give you eternal life because of

his life, death, and resurrection. And that you would no

longer be separated from God. And that promise of I will be with

you can be made true in your life. And if that

is the last thing that Jesus ever does for you this side of

heaven, it's still enough.

That place of abundance that psalm 66 talks

about I know

that there can be a lot of pressure on us at times, whether it

comes from ourselves or from outside forces or other people

to make us feel like when we're struggling with

anxiety or depression or sadness or sorrow or

pain, you name it, that it's either a flaw in

our character or a flaw in our faith. We

live in a broken, fallen world, and in

that brokenness, we are also included.

So naturally, there's going to be parts of

us that are broken as well.

That psalm was written around 300 years after the

Israelites left Egypt, after

they'd wandered through the desert, after they found the

promised land, after they'd gone through

various wars and been conquered again.

And it's believed that King David wrote that psalm.

So when you think about the US in that psalm, when it says

that you've brought us to a place of abundance

and you think about it as a people group,

not everybody is included in that. Us,

not everybody got to see that place of abundance in the

promised land. And sometimes

God will deliver you from whatever you're going through.

And sometimes his answer is the same answer that Paul

got. My grace is sufficient for you,

and my power is made perfect in weakness.

Sometimes what we suffer from or what we struggle

with will be removed from us.

And sometimes it won't be removed from us until he calls us

home. And my question for

myself and for you guys this morning is, are you

okay with that? Are you okay

with being uncomfortable in order that God

can magnify his name and bring glory to

himself in your life?

With that, I'd like to pray with you guys.

Father, thank you for today. Thank you for everybody in this

room. And God, I know that everybody

in this room might be dealing with something

that I don't know about, maybe that people close

to them don't even know about.

God, I pray that you would be with them and that

you would show them that they don't have to bear this

alone. And that

by leaning into you, you

promised that you would be with us and

that you give us the ability to get through it. We can't

get through it on our own.

God, I pray that if anybody in this room is

suffering silently by themselves or going through a hard time,

that they would know that their brother and sister to their left or their

right is here, to be there for

them and to help them as well, get through

it. I pray that you'd be with

all of us and that you would help us live this

out in our lives and recognize that

everything is for your glory.

And if we could just allow everything, including the suffering in

our lives, to be used to glorify your name.

How much of an amazing display that could be for

unbelievers who see that play out in our

lives. Father, we love you

and we trust you and we thank you.

Amen.

Thanks again for listening, and be sure to check back next

week for another episode. In the meantime, you

can visit [email protected] or by

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