Genesis Week 35 • Toxic People & Godly People – Part 1

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- I invite you to join us in Genesis chapter 30.

Genesis 30 · chapter mention

We're gonna start here in verse 25 in just a moment.

Today, it is our goal, we are gonna cover all the way

through the end of Genesis chapter 31.

Genesis 31 · chapter mention

We've been working through Genesis now

for quite some time together

and we're working through it in a way

where we are going word by word, verse by verse.

And I'm glad that we're doing that.

I feel like it is stretching us,

but it causes us in committing to do that,

to maybe work through some passages,

work through some verses that would maybe be natural for us

just to breeze through or to skim by because of the topic

or because of what they're dealing with.

This morning's passage, I want to quite frankly with you,

may have been one of those passages you're reading through.

It's one of those that we oftentimes find

that we may be a little bit less familiar with

and so we wanna make sure that we take some time with that.

This morning, as we look at Genesis 30, 25 through 31,

we're gonna look at it and talk about the difference

between toxic people and godly people.

My goal is to finish today.

Those that have been kind of working with me this week

kind of maybe chuckle at that.

My goal is for this to be a part one

and we're gonna move to part two or not have a part two,

but I don't know that we're gonna be able to do that.

So this week's message may be divided

between this week and next week.

To kind of give you, if you're a note taker, all right?

I know some of you are,

you bring your journal in here with you.

My daughter is definitely one of those.

Normally, it's like a three to five points

and we kind of work through.

Today's message, this is my record, I believe, 37 points

as we're gonna work through this passage of scripture

with most of them, not most of them,

with all of them kind of happening on the back third,

all right?

So different for me, I appreciate your prayers

as we do this, as we look at toxic people and godly people.

We're gonna take our time and work through this passage.

And we need to understand that it's gonna take us

a large majority of the message to work through

what is exactly happening,

because it is a relational tangled mess.

One of the things, as a pastor, you do a lot of counseling

and people will call and say,

I would like to sit down and talk with you

and there's a laundry list of items

that you need to talk through,

that I need to have people in my life

to be able to talk through issues that I'm facing,

that I'm going through as well.

And one of the most topics that take the most time to unpack

are family dynamics.

Family dynamics get really, really complicated

really, really quickly.

And we see all throughout scripture,

we see the difference in these family dynamics

and we're going to find that here.

Here's kind of a precursor before we get into this

that I want us to understand when dealing with a topic

like toxic people or toxic relationships.

I don't know that 20 years ago,

you would have heard that phrase used

with toxic people or toxic relationships,

but it is definitely a term or terms

that we find used in this day and age.

And so I want to set some ground rules for all of us

because you, when the moment I said toxic people,

if you were like me, like you've already got your list,

right, like Bo's gonna help me deal with them.

So I want to set some ground rules.

I want to set some ground rules so that you and I

are trusting and depending on the Holy Spirit

to lead us through this conversation

that we are having today.

First is this, here's what we know,

here's what we're gonna agree to,

that this is a matter of the heart.

When we deal with toxic people,

this is going to be a matter of the heart.

I see some of you writing this down.

This isn't even one of the 37, all right?

This is a matter of the heart,

not just a matter of behavior.

Number two that we get into this, again, not one of the 37.

Not all or even most lost people would I say are toxic.

So this isn't blaming lost people

for the toxic nature of all relationships.

And I especially want you to hear that if you're here today

and you're not a follower of Jesus Christ

and you're trying to learn what it means

to follow Jesus Christ

and what a relationship with him looks like.

Like this message, even though Laban,

the character we're gonna look at,

he is not a follower of God,

is not going to be to blame you

or people who do not follow Christ

as the reason for all aspects of toxic relationships.

In fact, what we are going to see in just a moment

is that some, this is the third thing,

is that even some people who claim faith in Christ

and can honestly have a real legitimate saving faith

in Christ can be toxic

and they can have toxic traits as well.

So this isn't like a lost people versus saved people.

And all of us saved people got it figured out

and none of you lost people.

You're all just part of the problem.

That's not it at all.

What we'll find, and this is what I hope,

and this is the beautiful journey,

the beautifully difficult journey that God took me on,

is this week was an examination of my heart as well

and examining some toxic traits within myself

that I need to deal with,

which brings us to the fourth thing

that I want us to get to, right?

Even for toxic people, there's God's grace.

Even for toxic people, there's God's grace, all right?

You may think God's grace is so good and so wonderful.

And the hope of this for all of us,

of what we're working toward,

is the forgiveness that comes in Christ alone, right?

So if you're here this morning

and you feel like maybe you're struggling

with some toxic issues in your own life, in your own walk,

maybe you will see that even for toxic people

or with toxic traits, there is God's grace.

So what do I mean when I use the word toxic

to describe a person?

It's one of those dangerous journeys

that Google can take you down, right?

What is toxic?

And everybody that can create a website

or anyone that can write an article

can come up with their own definition.

Here's what I do believe.

I do believe we can't just label people as toxic

because we don't like them

or because we disagree with them, right?

Like we, there's some people in your life

that relationally, you clash.

They see things differently than you see them.

You have a tendency to butt heads.

You and I can't just say,

because relationally I don't like you

or because we disagree with you that they're toxic.

There has to be more than that.

So if anyone can create a definition, I created my own.

Here we go.

Toxic people, what we're gonna look at with scripture

is this, toxic people seek to either directly,

so aggressively, or indirectly, so passively,

control the dynamic of a relationship

so that their agenda can be met.

Even if that means deterring others

from following God's will.

Oftentimes, a non-toxic person in a relationship

with a toxic person will feel exhausted,

frustrated, and can even feel depressed

as what is being attacked in that relationship

is their own peace.

Both their peace with God and their peace with others.

So a toxic person, someone looking to control the dynamic,

and this is what we're gonna see with Laban this morning.

Someone who is working their agenda.

Someone who says, I have control.

Someone who sees people as a means to an end.

So this, in Genesis 30, starting in verse 25,

this is our case study of toxic people

by looking at the actions in the heart of Laban.

So let's jump in right there.

Genesis chapter 30, starting in verse 25.

Genesis 30 · chapter mention

"As soon as Rachel had born Joseph, Jacob said to Laban,"

so son-in-law says to father-in-law,

"Send me away that I may go to my own home and country.

Give me my wives and my children

for whom I have served you,

that I may go for you know the service

that I have given you.

But Laban said to him,

'If I have found favor in your sight,

I have learned by divine nation.'"

Now this is the revelation of spirits to Laban,

but not the revelation of God, okay?

Laban is not a follower of God.

And he will use some God terms and phrases through this.

All right?

"That the Lord has blessed me because of you.

Name your wages and I will give it to you.

And Jacob said to him,

'You yourself know how I have served you

and how your livestock has fared with me,

for you had little before I came

and it has increased abundantly

and the Lord has blessed you wherever I turn.

But now when shall I provide for my own household also?'"

So Jacob comes to his father-in-law,

who we'll understand as we read through this,

has lied to Jacob for at least the last 20 years.

If you go back and look,

you see that in the deceit of his wedding,

of what happened.

He's lied to him, he's tricked him.

There's been deceit from everything,

from his marriages to his wages.

And Jacob says to his father-in-law,

"It's time for me to return to my home,

to return to my people, to return to my country."

Now here's where the tension's gonna come.

Laban, not a follower of God.

Jacob is a follower of God.

Jacob is gonna seek to do what God calls him to do.

Laban is gonna seek to do what Laban wants to do.

And Laban's gonna seek to get Jacob

to do what Laban wants to do.

So Laban will not want Jacob to follow God.

Now here's the deal with Jacob,

and if you've been journeying through this,

here's what we know, man.

He may not always have the right behavior,

the right decision-making ability,

but the truth in this is he has a heart for God

and he desires to seek to follow him.

Now here's the problem for Laban.

This is why Laban isn't excited

to get the son-in-law out of the house.

Jacob has been a huge benefit for him,

especially financially.

So he tells Jacob, this is why he says,

"The Lord has blessed me."

So he tells Jacob, "Name your wage

"and I will give it to you,"

in hopes that Jacob will stay.

But here's the deal.

Imagine, imagine working for your in-laws,

the conflict, the issues, the stress that's there.

But on top of that, Jacob's never been paid a dime.

20 years, working for your father-in-law, no money.

A little stressful, right?

Jacob says, "Look, when I got here,

"you had little, now you have much.

"I need to be thinking about my own family."

Right, this is commendable from Jacob.

Verse 31.

And he said, this is Laban, "What shall I give you?"

Jacob said, "You shall not give me anything.

"If you will do this for me,

"I will again pastor your flock and keep it.

"Let me pastor your flock today,

"removing every speckled and spotted sheep

"and every black lamb,

"and the spotted and speckled among the goats,

"and they shall be my wages.

"So my honesty will answer for me later,

"when you come, look into my wage with you,

"everyone that is not speckled and spotted

"among the goats and the black among the lambs,

"if found with me shall be counted stolen."

Laban said, "Good, let it be as you have said."

But that day, Laban removed the male goats

that were striped and spotted,

and on the female goats that were speckled and spotted,

everyone that had white on it,

and every lamb that was black,

and put them in the charge of his sons.

And he set the distance of three days journey

between himself and Jacob.

And Jacob pastored the rest of Laban's flock.

So Laban says, "What can I do to get you to stay?"

And Jacob wisely says, "You can't give me anything."

So Jacob says, "Release me, and if you wanna do this,

"let me work for you for a time,

"and during this time that I'm looking

"to get everything together,

"I'm gonna work the flocks, right?

"I'm gonna leave you all of the best.

"I'm gonna leave you all,

"you say that it's because of me that you've been blessed,

"man, I'm gonna leave you all the blessed,

"all the top-selling members of the flock,

"and I'm gonna take for myself, right,

"as what I need to get established with my family

"of what I'm doing, I'm gonna take my share

"for all of this work, right,

"those members of the flock that are not valuable.

"So give me the ones that you're not gonna want anyways,

"and then I'm gonna take those, trust in God,

"God's gonna work, God's gonna move."

And Laban says, "Okay, all right,

"you want what's worthless,

"I'll let you have what's worthless, cool."

And then he cheats the system.

And he takes those and he gives those to his sons.

Now get this, get this in Laban,

and understand this with toxic people,

we're gonna see this, Laban cheating Jacob, right,

this is not just that he and his son-in-law

do not get along, right, Laban is cheating his daughters.

He's cheating his grandchildren.

He's cheating those that should be precious,

that should be special to him.

You see, this is not just involving a son-in-law

and a father-in-law who don't get along.

We see the depravity that this is.

Look at verse 37.

"Then Jacob took fresh sticks of poplar and almond

"and plain trees and peeled white streaks in them,

"exposing the white of the sticks.

"He set the sticks that he had peeled

"in front of the flocks and the troughs,"

that is the watering place where the flocks came to drink.

"And since they bred when they came to drink,

"the flocks bred in front of the sticks,

"and so the flocks brought forth stripe,

"speckled, and spotted.

"And Jacob separated the lambs

"and set the faces of the flock toward the stripe

"and all the black in the flock of Laban.

"He put his own droves apart

"and did not put them with Laban's flock.

"Whenever the stronger of the flock were breeding,

"Jacob would lay the sticks in the troughs

"before the eyes of the flock

"that they might breed among the sticks.

"But for the feebler of the flock,

"he would not lay them there."

So the feebler would be Laban's and the stronger, Jacob's.

"Thus the man increased greatly and had large flocks,

"female servants and male servants, and camels and donkeys."

So I'm not a shepherd.

Right?

Not fully sure what's going on with all this.

But here's what we can say.

Laban's like, "I'm gonna get you."

Jacob's wiser than that.

Jacob sees it, like, "No, no, no, no.

"Watch what I'm gonna do."

Right?

And he tricked him.

He tricked him.

Laban thought he would win,

yet Jacob ends up being the one in this that wins.

Jacob had said, "Let me have the weak.

"You have the strong."

Laban said, "Okay."

Then Jacob said, then Laban said, "No, no, no, no.

"I'm gonna take the strong and I'm gonna take the weak."

So Jacob ends up with the strong.

Laban ends up with the weak.

Jacob ends up increasing his assets.

Laban does not.

How do you think that's gonna go over?

Verse, chapter 31, verse one.

Now Jacob heard that the sons of Laban were saying,

"Jacob has taken all that was our father's,

"and from what was our own father's,

"he has gained all this wealth."

And Jacob saw that Laban did not regard him

with favor as before.

Then the Lord said to Jacob, this is important,

this is, in my notes, this is bold,

underlined italics right here.

The Lord said to Jacob, "Return to the land of your fathers

"and to your kindred, and I will be with you."

Right, so Laban communicates to his sons

not what he did, but what Jacob had stolen.

That was Laban's and his perspective,

and now it's time for Laban to rally the family.

Right, they're in the text message group.

You're not gonna believe what he did.

He's taking advantage of your dad.

Jacob gets word, he sees the writing on the wall,

but this is important too.

Jacob heard from God.

It's not just about listening to you

in the matter of these relationships.

It's about listening to God.

God did speak.

Yes, equally important, Jacob was listening.

When you and I, when we face these circumstances

in your life, the question is not to turn inward

and to look at myself, and how does this make me feel,

and what do I need to do, and how do I need to respond,

and what needs to happen.

Our response in these matters,

we gotta take ourself out of the situation

and look and say, "God, what do you have for me?"

And God is very clear.

Return to the land of your fathers, to your kindred.

I will be with you.

That's the confidence in the journey

that we're about to see.

Not in his own ability, not in what he can do,

but what God can do, and trusting what God is going to do.

Verse four, "So Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah."

If you haven't been with us, these are two of his wives.

They're sisters, it's complicated, all right?

"So Jacob sent and called Rachel and Leah into the field

"where his flock was and said to them,

"I see that your father does not regard me with favor

"as he did before, but the God of my father

"has been with me.

"You know that I have served your father

"with all my strength, yet your father has cheated me

"and changed my wages 10 times.

"But God did not permit him to harm me.

"If he said the spotted shall be your wages,

"then all the flock bore spotted.

"And if he said the stripe shall be your wages,

"then all the flock bore stripe.

"Thus God has taken away the livestock of your father

"and given them to me.

"In the breeding season of the flock,

"I lifted up my eyes and saw in a dream

"that the goats that mated with the flock

"for stripes spotted, molted.

"Then the angel of God said to me in a dream,

"Jacob, I said, here I am.

"And he said, lift up your eyes and see

"that all the goats that mate with the flock

"for stripes spotted are molted,

"for I have seen all that Laban is doing to you."

Verse 13, "I am the God of Bethel

"where you anointed a pillar and made a vow to me."

And this is another bold, underline, italics right here.

"Now arise, go from this land

"and return to the land of your kindred.

"Then Rachel and Leah answered and said to him,

"is there any portion or inheritance left to us

"in our father's house?

"Are we not regarded by him as foreigners?

"For he has sold us and he has indeed devoured our money.

"All the wealth that God has taken away from our father

"belongs to us and to our children.

"Now then, whatever God has said to you, do."

This has to be a moment in the dynamic of their family.

This man comes to his wives and says,

"This is what we need to do.

"This is what I've heard from the Lord.

"Here's who God is."

And he says it with the confidence

that God has never left us.

This is important.

This is important as we lead our family.

Jacob's faith for his family is not found in Jacob,

but it's found in God.

It's not the confidence in his worldly ways,

but it's in the confidence of God.

He says, "Your father has cheated us,

"but God has protected us and will continue to do so.

"God has taken back for us what was taken from me

"and given it to us, but now God is telling us to leave

"and will do that."

He said, "Listen, ladies, God has fought the fight for us.

"You're not trusting me, you're trusting God."

This is leadership.

This is leadership.

Jacob has not been a leader.

Here, Jacob becomes a leader.

Here, Jacob says to his wife, "Don't follow me.

"Don't follow me.

"Instead, follow me as I follow God.

"Follow me as I follow God."

Jacob becomes a leader not because of the plan he has,

but because of the plan that God has,

and he listens to God.

And he trusts that God of what God will do.

And God reveals to Leah and Rachel all that's going on.

They agree to follow.

Here's this.

We've seen, I mean, you read back,

it was a beautiful love picture

when Jacob made this journey,

and then what we begin to see is this dysfunction of life,

of what's there.

And I don't know about you,

but maybe you came in here today kind of living a little bit

like maybe your ankle deep in dysfunction,

maybe your knee deep in dysfunction,

maybe your chest deep in dysfunction,

or maybe you feel like the dysfunction in your life

is over your head.

I have to feel like for Jacob,

like he woke up numerous times,

multiple lives, multiple dynamics of what's going on,

all of the fighting, all of the issue,

everything that's going on,

and he felt like he was swimming,

he was drowning in his dysfunction.

So here's what I want you to get.

Maybe you feel like that's where you are.

Your dysfunction is never too great

to start to follow God today.

Today, right now, right now in this moment,

it's not go and get the dysfunction cleaned up,

it's not go and get it all worked out.

It's not get buttoned up more.

It's not any of those things.

It's come to God now.

Trust God now.

Trust God with the dysfunction that you know.

Trust God with the dysfunction that you don't know.

Trust God with the sin that you have.

Trust God with the sin that you don't know that you have.

Trust God with the sin that you committed.

Trust God with the sin that you're committing.

Trust God with the sin that you're going to commit.

Trust God with it all.

And God says, guess what, I got it.

I got it.

So many people are like, but tomorrow,

but tomorrow, but tomorrow.

And God says, no, no, no, no, no, right now.

Right now.

And if we look at this with Jacob,

Jacob says, you know what, ladies, we're following God.

And he loads up all of the mess, all of the dysfunction,

everything that's there, and they start to follow God.

Verse 17.

So Jacob arose and set his sons and his wives on camels.

He drove away all of his livestock

and all of his property that he had gained,

the livestock in his possession that he had acquired

and paddened him a ram to go to the land of Canaan

to his father Isaac.

And Laban had gone to shear his sheep.

This seems to be insignificant,

but I want you to notice this.

And Rachel stole her father's household gods.

That's important.

And Jacob tricked Laban, the Aramean,

by not telling him that he intended to flee.

He fled with all that he had,

and arose and crossed the Euphrates,

and set his face toward the hill of Gilead.

So they leave.

They leave and they start their journey back.

And Jacob took all that was his,

all of what he worked for, all of what God had given him,

all he'd been blessed with,

and in a strange move, Rachel stole her father's gods.

If your God is a God that can be stolen,

your God is insufficient.

If your God, in the moment of crisis,

is a God that can be taken,

your God is insufficient.

Jacob says, "We're gonna go follow God."

And again, I don't know why,

and they're clearing things out,

and I don't know if it was a shelf in the kitchen,

like I don't know how this worked, right?

She was like, "Oh, watch this."

Right?

Right there, right there in her pocket.

Verse 22, "When it was told Laban on the third day

"that Jacob had fled," remember Laban is three days away,

"he took his kinsmen with him

"and pursued him for seven days,

"and followed close after him into the country of Gilead.

"But God came to Laban, the Aramean,

"in a dream by night and said to him,

"Be careful not to say anything to Jacob,

"either good or bad."

This is it.

This is how big God is.

Laban's God could be taken, and God shows up and speaks.

Laban finds out what had happened,

and from the language that we see,

this is not a journey of like,

hey, sons, let's get together.

Dad messed up again.

And we gotta work this out.

What he does is he's not pursuing Jacob and his daughters

in an attempt to fix a misunderstanding.

Instead, he gets the family together

to go and kill his family.

Right?

But Laban, the idol worshiper,

in a dream, God comes to him and says,

"You do not even as much say evil to him."

Right?

Of what God is doing.

And the power of God is so real.

The evidence of God is so known,

even someone who does not follow him takes heed.

Verse 25.

Seven days journey, and Laban overtook Jacob.

Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country,

and Laban with his kinsmen pitched tents

in the hill country of Gilead.

And Laban said to Jacob, "What have you done

"that you have tricked me and driven away my daughters

"like captives of the sword?

"Why did you flee secretly and trick me

"and did not tell me so that I may have sent you away

"with mirth and songs, with tambourine and lyre?

"And why did you not permit me to kiss my sons

"and my daughters farewell?

"Now you have done foolishly.

"It is in my power to do you harm.

"But the God of your father spoke to me last night,

"saying, 'Be careful not to say anything to Jacob,

"'either good or bad.

"'And now you have gone away because you long greatly

"'for your father's house.

"'But why did you steal my gods?'

"And Jacob answered and said to Laban,

"'Because I was afraid, for I thought that you would take

"'your daughters from me by force.

"'Anyone with whom you find your gods shall not live.

"'In the presence of our kinsmen, point out what I have

"'that is yours and take it.'

"Now Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them."

Right?

He was unsure.

So Laban gets to Jacob, he overtakes Jacob.

Here's the big confrontation.

And the man who has lied, cheated, stolen,

manipulated for more than 20 years,

like you can feel this,

that the man who has taken advantage,

the man who is victimized, looks at him and says,

"How could you do this to me?

"Look at your guilt, Jacob.

"And look how you've taken this out on innocent me."

Laban says, "You've abusively taken my daughters from me.

"You've snuck away and did not allow for me

"to celebrate you and your leaving.

"We would have thrown you a party.

"You didn't allow me to bless my daughters

"and my grandchildren, and I should do you harm

"because this is what you deserve."

Laban makes himself the victim.

But as oftentimes do,

the toxic person tries to justify themselves

through spiritual means.

But your God, you say you're a Christian.

You ever heard that one?

But your God told me to stop.

So I'm afraid, so I will.

But also, you stole my gods.

I think it's interesting that in the God

that he doesn't follow, Laban hears from,

but in the gods that he worships,

that are worthless, and he can't find them.

And there's a whole 'nother different lesson

there for us, right?

The God that speaks to us clearly from his word.

The God that we know will never leave us or forsake us.

The God we've trusted for our hope of eternity.

The God that forgives us and gives us truth

and speaks life into being.

The God who died for your sins and mine.

The God that we hear from, but how often

do we settle and worry about the little idols

that our hearts pursue?

James says, look, I don't know.

I don't know about your gods, but here's what I do know.

Man, I'm following God as I lead my family.

Verse 33.

So Laban went into Jacob's tent and into Leah's tent,

and into the tent of the two female servants,

but he did not find them.

And he went out of Leah's tent and into Rachel's.

Now Rachel had taken the household gods

and put them in her camel's saddle and sat on them.

And Laban felt about the tent, but did not find them.

And she said to her father, let not my Lord be angry

that I cannot rise before you,

for the way of women is upon me.

So he searched, but did not find the household gods.

Again, the irony.

He goes and searches, he goes and searches,

he goes and searches, cannot be found.

If your God is so small that they cannot be found,

your God is insufficient.

Verse 36.

Then Jacob became angry and berated Laban.

Jacob said to Laban, what is my offense?

What is my sin that you have hotly pursued me?

For you have felt through all of my goods.

What have you found in all of your household goods?

Set it here before my kinsmen and your kinsmen

that they may decide between us two.

These 20 years I have been with you.

Your ewes and your female goats have not miscarried,

and I have not eaten the rams of your flock.

What was torn by wild beasts, I did not bring to you.

I bore the loss of it myself.

For my hand, you required it,

whether stolen by day or stolen by night.

There I was by day, the heat consumed me,

and the cold by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes.

These 20 years I have been in your house.

I have served you 14 years for two of your daughters

and six for your flock,

and you have changed my wages 10 times.

If the God of my father, the God of Abraham,

the fear of Isaac had not been on my side,

surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed,

but God saw my affliction and the labor of my hands

and rebuked you last night.

Jacob unloads.

He unloads.

He stands up for himself.

He stands up for his wives.

He stands up for his family.

He stands up to his father-in-law and says,

this is what I've done for you,

and this is what you've done to me.

I have submitted to you.

I'm no longer submitting to you.

I'm submitting to God, because through it all,

it was not you who was protecting me.

It was not you who was keeping me.

It was God.

I am his.

And this is what we will do.

And then Laban answered and said to Jacob,

the daughters are my daughters,

the children are my children,

the flocks are my flocks,

and all that you see is mine.

But what can I do this day for these my daughters,

for their children whom they have born?

Come now, let us make a covenant, you and I,

and let it be a witness between you and me.

So Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar.

And Jacob said to his kinsmen, gather stones.

And they took stones and made a heap,

and they ate there by the heap.

And Laban called it Jar-saddufa,

but Jacob called it Galid.

Jacob said, this heap is a witness between you and me today,

therefore it is named Galid and Nisba.

For he said, the Lord watch between you and me

when we are out of one another's sight.

If you oppress my daughters,

or if you take wives besides my daughters,

although no one is with us,

see God is witness between you and me.

Laban can't own it, man.

He can't own his mistakes.

He can't own his issues.

So once again, he tries to victimize himself.

He tries to say, fine, let's just walk away.

But what does he do at the end?

The man who deceived, the man who misled,

the man who sold off his own daughters

to live in the dysfunction that that is,

says, whoa, whoa, whoa, but you don't take any more.

You don't take any more.

Verse 51.

Then Laban said to Jacob,

see this heap and pillar which I have set

between you and me?

This heap is a witness and the pillar is a witness

that I will not pass over this heap to you,

and you will not pass over this heap and this pillar

to me to do harm.

The God of Abraham and the God of Nahor

and the God of their father judge between us.

So Jacob swore by the fear of his father Isaac,

and Jacob offered a sacrifice in the hill country

and called his kinsmen to eat bread.

They ate bread and spent the night in the hill country.

Early in the morning, Laban arose,

kissed his grandchildren and his daughters,

and blessed them, and then Laban departed

and returned to his home.

Laban doesn't know God,

but he knows the power of the God of Jacob.

And so they agree, they draw a boundary,

they go their separate ways.

And this is a complicated, complicated, complicated story.

It's a case study in those that want to be,

those that choose to be toxic,

and that those that desire to follow God.

Here, Laban is toxic, he's a user, he's an abuser.

No one, nothing is sacred to him.

There is no one he will not cross.

And Jacob, while influenced,

often makes the wrong decisions.

He creates sinful situations for himself,

but still, through it all, desires God and the ways of God.

And so this morning, just,

we're not gonna get through all of 'em.

But this morning, there's some questions I want us to ask.

And I want us to look to examine our own hearts within this.

Answer this question,

what do toxic people do in a relationship?

What have we seen from Laban in this?

But then in the counter of that,

what do godly people do in a relationship?

What do godly people do when they choose the way of God?

But then question three, and I think this is important.

I think this is so monumental for us understanding

and desiring what God has for us.

Why do godly people respond differently than toxic people?

Why do godly people respond differently than toxic people?

Well, let's run through a couple of these

this morning before we close.

Number one, toxic people.

Toxic people, as you're working through your list,

as you're evaluating the people in your life,

as you're depending on the Holy Spirit

to reveal things about you that maybe you don't wanna deny,

toxic people devalue your worth.

Toxic people devalue your worth.

Laban sees Jacob as a means to get Laban what Laban wants.

So Jacob has worth,

but only in how he can bring worth to Laban.

You get that?

Laban just wants Jacob for what Jacob can do for him.

Beyond that, he's disposable.

Toxic people devalue your worth.

They use you for what you need,

for what they need, I'm sorry,

for what they need, and then they move on.

So what do godly people do?

What do godly people do?

Godly people, they celebrate your worth.

They celebrate your worth.

Because here's what godly people,

here's what we understand,

and if this isn't where your mind is,

then maybe through the power of the Holy Spirit,

maybe this is where your mind and your heart

begin to settle.

Godly people celebrate your worth

because here's what we believe about worth.

Your worth is found in your creator.

The God who created you, the imago dei,

the image of God is what you were created in.

Whether you're saved or whether you're lost,

whether you're old or whether you're young,

whether you're male or whether you're female,

it does not matter.

Your worth is found in your creator.

And then when we begin to see more and more,

your worth is found in your savior.

Your worth is found in your savior.

Jesus Christ loved you to die on the cross.

And so in all of our confrontations,

all of our issues, all of our struggle,

your worth is not found in what you can give me.

Your worth is not found in what you can do for me,

but your worth is found in who God is.

And so godly people respond differently

because here's what godly people know.

They know that God gives you worth.

And that God gives you worth.

Your worth is not found in your 401k,

in your bank account, in your degrees,

in your personalities, in your abilities.

Your worth is found in God and God alone.

A couple more.

Second thing I want us to see.

Toxic people manipulate the situation.

Manipulate the situation, right?

My Gamecocks didn't win yesterday.

They didn't.

Tim, we'll talk later.

They didn't.

I was watching it.

Whole time I'm watching, I'm thinking,

man, this is how, this is what we can do.

This is what needs to happen so that we can win.

And that's a football game.

That's okay, that's okay.

Here's what toxic people do.

They find conflict, they find issues,

they find struggles, they find all of the issues

that we see, a complicated mess that we find

in this passage of Scripture.

And this complicated mess is just different

than your complicated mess,

and it's different than my complicated mess.

But trust me, we've all got complicated messes.

But toxic people look at the situation

and they say, how can I manipulate this

so that I win?

So that I win.

Haven doesn't go, you know, you're right.

You're right.

Here's what he says.

Let me agree to this with you,

but because I think I'm smarter than you,

here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna send all that's there to my sons

that you're supposed to take so that I can drift away

and go where I need to go and do what I need to do

so that at the end of this, it's not my sons who win,

it's not my daughters who win,

it's definitely not my son-in-law that wins.

Haven says, I win.

I win.

Even at the end of this.

Even at the end of this.

What is his last thing he does?

He makes a threat.

He makes a threat.

Toxic people manipulate the situation

so that they feel like they can win.

So what do godly people do?

Now, I'm telling you, I'm telling you,

this is where it hits.

This is where it hits.

Because so many godly people

feel that their motivation is sincere,

but their means is manipulation.

So what do godly people do?

What do godly people do?

In that moment, when you're there,

and it's going to affect you,

and you don't want it to affect you,

you want it to do what you need in this situation.

Toxic people manipulate.

Godly people trust God.

Godly people trust God.

They have great confidence

in the truth that in this moment,

God is in control.

God is in control.

We'll do the rest of the points next week.

Here's what I want us to get.

A few weeks ago,

I don't know if it was a few weeks,

days that run together,

I got on Facebook.

A friend of mine,

from my childhood,

posted,

not sure what's going on.

Pray for my child.

Couple hours later,

apologized for the confusion of the message.

And he said,

pray for my child's school.

There was a school shooter.

I'd forgotten that they had moved

north of Athens and north of Atlanta.

His daughter praised the Lord.

Praised the Lord.

Safe.

It's easy.

That's one of a million instances

that we can look at

and begin to question,

where's God?

Where's God?

And in a moment of complete transparency,

in a moment,

I hope all honesty

from everything that I've said,

but in this moment,

I don't know the why.

In the chaos,

in the death and destruction,

I know why it's sin.

But here's what I trust.

I trust that that day,

that day,

just like the day before

and just like the day after,

God's in control.

God's in control.

I see right now

what the world,

what the labens,

what the toxic want to create

in you and in me

is not just conflict with one another.

What they wanna create within us

is the misbelief

that God is not in control.

But what you and I must cling to,

what you and I must hold to,

what you and I must hold dear to us

is that in every situation,

in good and bad,

in gain and loss,

in difficulty and ease,

in all of those,

to trust God in the situation

that God is in control

and our confidence

is not found in ourselves,

but our confidence is found in Him.

And we can do that

because here is what we know.

Godly people know that God is working in the situation.

I've had a long weekend.

I've had a long week.

But tell you what I'm gonna do this afternoon.

I'm gonna take a nap.

I'm gonna take a nap.

I'm tired.

I don't know that I can think anymore.

I've got 31 more points to cover next Sunday.

[congregation laughing]

God doesn't nap.

God's not tired.

God doesn't need a break.

God doesn't clock out.

God doesn't hand stuff off.

In the midst of all of the chaos,

God is in control

and He's working in it.

And He's working in it.

And He's working in it.

In ways even on this side of eternity

that we could never understand.

God is working in it.

So I'll close with this.

We're gonna have a bunch of 'em more next Sunday.

Come back.

We're gonna talk about next Sunday

some more traits of people who are toxic.

We're gonna address

how you need to address them.

We see what Jacob did.

What should you do with them?

We're gonna talk about that next week.

This week I do wanna close with this.

What if you have found this morning

that you're toxic?

What if you have hit this point

where you're like, man,

I'd like to think that I'm like Jacob.

But man, I see some laban.

Man, I realize that every time I point my finger

at someone else, I got a bunch of 'em

pointing right back at me.

What do you do?

I'm gonna tell you what I do this week.

Number one,

confess.

Confess.

Come to God.

Confess your sin.

Name it specifically.

Tell him what it is he already knows.

And the beauty as you align with his will

of what you've done.

Confess to him.

And the person that you're toxic with,

confess to them.

Confess to them.

Come to them and say, listen,

I'm sorry.

I'm not blaming you.

I'm not passing the buck off.

I'm not gonna name the 10 reasons

why you made me do this.

I just need to confess

that there's some behaviors that I have

that I believe are toxic

and they've been directed toward you.

And whether you forgive me or not,

let me just say that I'm sorry.

Confess.

The second is repent.

Repent.

Not only do we confess to God,

not only do we confess to one another,

but we repent.

We acknowledge that if this path of behavior

is destructive,

that this path of behavior leads us away from God

and not to God,

then the part of repentance is that I turn.

That I adjust.

That within myself, I decide

that today,

I choose differently than I've chosen.

Today, I choose to not be

that manipulative person anymore.

That God brings across my path.

Today, I choose to be different.

Today, I choose to be godly.

So we confess.

We repent.

And then the third that I wanna employ with you today

is to depend.

To depend.

To acknowledge that in your own capacity,

you're incapable of doing that.

But only through the power of the spirit of God

that lives in you as a follower of Jesus Christ.

Can you grow?

Can you learn?

Can you mature?

As we seek to follow him with all that he has.

And we choose to not be toxic,

but we choose to be godly.

There's a lot more heart checks that we're gonna look at.

I challenge you this week,

dive into this passage with me.

Begin to journal about it a little bit more.

Begin to write the names down

of the individuals in your life who you believe are toxic

and then do this.

Start praying for 'em.

Start desiring for God's best for them.

Start asking God to speak to them

and that God, when he speaks, that they'll listen.

And then as they listen, they'll obey.

The beauty of this is what God is doing.

Because the grace that he offers us.

Would you pray with me?

God, I come to you this morning,

I thank you for the beauty of your word.

I thank you that even in a mess

that we see here in Genesis,

or the evidence in the movement of your hand.

God, I thank you that you, God,

are a beautiful God of grace

who loves us unconditionally.

That sent your son to die on a cross for us.

Gives us your Holy Spirit to empower us

that we can obey you.

And God, I pray that we would go into this world

to live our lives in a way that brings glory

and honor to your name.

Not because of what we muster up within ourselves,

but because who you have saved

and who, Lord, you have called us to be.

God, may we confess,

may we confess our sins and our shortcomings.

May we confess them to you.

May we confess them to those

whom we've brought pain and death and destruction

to in their own life.

God, may we repent.

May we choose another way.

May we choose the way of you,

the way of peace, the way of hope,

the way of love, the way of truth.

May we choose the path of righteousness.

And God, may we do this,

not in our own religious abilities,

not in our own strength,

not by our own power,

not by our own force,

but may, Lord, we do this in the fullness of your spirit

to walk in the power,

to live in the power of the resurrection of Jesus Christ,

to be a person of hope, of life, of peace,

of reconciliation.

God, may we celebrate you for it.

God, I pray for the labans of our life.

God, may we be an example

of you to them.

It's in Jesus name we pray, amen.

- Thanks again for listening,

and be sure to check back next week for another episode.

In the meantime, you can visit us at willowridgechurch.org

or by searching for Willow Ridge Church

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