What to do? Get Settled - Pastor Elissa Kisner

Thank you for listening to this message from

Lifehouse Church. I get to hang out with our

families of the littlest babies all the way up

to our high schools and seniors, even our graduating

seniors that are soon to be leaving us small

tier. And now, as you can probably see, there

is an empty space up in the front and the office

is very lonely. So if anybody wants to hang out

with me this week, come stop in. But Pastor Kip

and Dixie were just recently on a much well -earned

vacation, and now they're actually in Orlando,

Florida. They are preparing this week. They are

at the Church of God's General Assembly. So it's

a conference that the Church of God does every

two years. So they're down there for that, and

they will be, in fact, here next week. But this

morning, we are going to continue down through

our What to Do, What to Do series that Pastor

Kip has been starting over the last couple weeks.

And I'm going to talk about everyone's favorite

subject. Ready? Conflict. I know. I really wish

it would have just like magically appeared above

my head. But listen, if that makes you tense

to kind of like, you know, clench your fists

and unfurl your brows, we're going to talk about

conflict, but we're going to talk about what

Jesus tells us to do with it. So if you would,

bow your heads. We're going to pray over this

morning. Heavenly Father, God, we thank you for

this morning. We thank you that we have the air

in our lungs to be able to come here, to be able

to worship as a church family. Father, we thank

you that you are in and amongst our midst. And

this morning we pray that as we... Listen to

the message as I prepare to give this message.

Father, let it not be my words that are spoken,

but yours through me. As you've been pouring

things into me, God, I just pray that you are

the one that is seen, that is heard in and above

all things, that your will be accomplished, that

all hearts and minds be open and ready to receive

whatever it is that you have for them this morning.

Father, we just thank you again, and we just

give this morning to you. In Jesus' name we pray,

amen. So before I stepped into ministry, I actually

served a season as an elementary school teacher.

So during COVID or a little bit after COVID,

I served for about four months every single day

as an elementary music teacher. If you saw that

little emoji thing that we did a couple weeks

ago, you might have learned that I played the

saxophone for eight years. And so I have a little

bit of music in my background. But anyways, I

had kindergartners through fifth grade every

single day. for weeks on end. And the one thing

that I learned super, super quickly is that before

anything could be taught, the room had to get

settled. Nobody learns in chaos. And the same

is true for us spiritually. When things stay

unsettled in our hearts, they start affecting

everything around us. This morning, our key verse

is going to be found in Matthew 5, chapter 25.

So if you want to start getting ready to go there,

you can. And I'll give you a little bit of background.

So at this point, Jesus is preaching the Sermon

on the Mount, this large message that he's giving

to thousands on a hillside. I'm not talking my

little classroom of 25 kids at a time, but thousands

upon thousands upon thousands, both physically

far from him and then also ones that are super

close. I can only imagine how difficult it would

have been to speak to all of those people. As

he's delivering the message, I'm sure that there

were moments of shock. Maybe moments of confusion.

Maybe those little side conversations of like,

can you believe what he just said? And then little

conversations from there that just began to continue

and to continue and to continue. But they needed

to get settled or they would miss something.

And so before our key scripture, Jesus actually

says something that would probably land pretty

hard and stop them in their tracks. He reminds

them not to murder. Okay, we get that. Back in

Exodus when Moses was given the Ten Commandments,

we're told that That is a commandment. Thou shalt

not murder. That's not shocking. But in verse

22, he says, but I say, if you are even angry

with someone, you are subject to judgment. If

you call someone an idiot, you're in danger of

being brought before the court. And if you curse

someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

So then that brings me to our main scripture

in five. 25, it says, settle matters quickly

with your adversary who is taking you to court.

Do it while you are still with him on the way,

or he may hand you over to the judge and the

judge may hand you over to the officer and you

may be thrown into prison. Notice what Jesus

is doing here. He first talked about the internal

problem of conflicts, the anger within our heart,

and now he's giving us an external solution.

Jesus says settle matters quickly, and he's talking

more about just ending an argument. He's talking

about refusing to let it go unresolved so that

the conflict can't take root in our heart. To

be settled is to entrust our case to God and

obey him while there is still time. For where

there is conflict, we must go and resolve. This

is the plain command of the text. Don't wait.

Go. Where there is conflict, go toward it, not

away from it, and move quickly. Go while you're

still on the way. Go before it hardens into something

you can't undo. Go and resolve this thing. That's

the whole progression that Jesus is laying out

for us. Where there is unresolved anger, it'll

lead to broken relationships and painful consequences.

Jesus isn't telling us to avoid conflict at all

costs. If anything, he's telling us that avoidance

is the exact thing that turns just a small little

conflict into a legal disaster. Because people

don't just wind up in prison, right? They don't

wake up suddenly estranged from family or bitter

toward a friend or even disconnected from God.

There were moments made before the sentence,

moments before the consequence. And so go and

resolve this thing while we're on the way. That's

what we're to do. It says with your adversary.

Pay attention to that. And you may think, well,

you know, I don't really have any enemies or

I'm not on a sports team. I don't have any opponents.

But your adversary means someone that you are

in conflict with. And Christian maturity is often

much less about settling things or treating the

easy people in our lives, but how we respond

to difficult people and difficult situations.

It's not just releasing something in your own

heart, but going and resolving, going and settling

with someone. Because listen, unsettled things,

they become heavy things. They weigh on us. When

Jesus tells us to go and settle matters quickly

with our adversary while we're still on the way,

he reminds us that while we are still on the

way means that there is a window, a stretch of

time, a season where the matter is still soft.

It's still pliable. It's still fixable. It's

still small enough to carry in one hand. But

once you pass that time, no matter what, The

matter eventually will not be yours to settle

anymore. And lawsuits rarely begin in the courtroom.

By the time that people actually get to the point

of being in court, there were hundreds of decisions

that had already been made. There were maybe

missed phone calls, missed conversations, unsigned

agreements, warnings that weren't heeded. The

courtroom is actually usually the end of a very,

very long story as opposed to the very beginning.

What started once maybe as just a little note,

side conversation, suddenly becomes a briefcase

that's stuffed and overflowing and exploding

on all sides. Things become heavy because they

are left unsettled. That case that we build becomes

heavy. And what begins then as a moment turns

into a weight that we carry because we refuse

to deal with it. In Hebrews 12, 15, it says,

see to it that no one falls short of the grace

of God and that no bitter root grows up. If you've

ever planted a seed or even pulled a weed, you

know that a root starts hidden, starts underneath

the surface. And this isn't Jack and the Beanstalk.

You're not just going to wake up one morning

and see this giant tree outside your window.

Bitterness is a root of conflict that grows.

It grows from small offenses that we didn't settle

while they were small. So listen, maybe you've

seen it like this. Maybe a teenager starts to

believe, you know what, my parents just, they

don't understand me. Instead of talking about

it and going through it, they withdraw. They

just let the hurt grow. Maybe then the parent

thinks, you know what, my child doesn't understand

me. Instead of talking about it, they get frustrated.

They say, my child doesn't appreciate any of

the things that we do. And so instead of pursuing

a relationship, they begin to just start keeping

score. Maybe it's a husband and a wife. They

stop having hard conversations because it's just

easier to live with the conflict around than

to work through it. Maybe a brother and a sister,

and they let years go between them because no

one wants to make the first phone call. Maybe

it's even just a friendship, a conversation that

happened and maybe one comment was made that

just got taken the wrong way. And instead of

asking, well, what did you mean by that? Both

people just quietly pull away until later you

find that it's been years until they last spoke.

Or even here in the church, maybe at times someone

has felt overlooked. They've been hurt or even

misunderstood. But rather than having an honest

conversation, they simply just distance themselves.

Before long, what started as maybe a misunderstanding

becomes a division. Most relationships aren't

actually destroyed because of some explosive

moment. They simply just are conflicts that were

never settled. And, you know, the thing about

those relationships, though, is that it might

not actually take that much to close it. Maybe

right now there's a situation in your head, maybe

a name, someone you need to go to after this

morning's gathering. Remember that that is not

the side application of this verse. That is the

verse, to go and resolve and to do it quickly.

And I know you may say, well, Pastor Alyssa,

I know that I'm supposed to go, but I don't really

want to go. What if I don't want to? I'm like,

well, you know, plainly I want to look at you

and say, well, I don't really care if you don't

want to go because you know that you should go.

But the question you're probably actually struggling

with is how. How do I go without carrying anger,

without carrying pride, without needing to win?

Jesus wasn't just concerned that we go. He's

concerned about the condition of our heart that

goes. So to fully settle, we need to rest and

release. Rest sounds passive and go sounds super

active. But the thing is, you can't go towards

someone in a posture of reconciliation, a posture

of wanting to fix things, if your heart is still

actively building a case against them. Settling

is coming to rest. and releasing that role of

judge to the Lord. So last weekend, I believe

it was, we just hosted our LHC kids drive -in

movie night, which was, in fact, as cute as you

think it was. If you didn't see the pictures,

I recommend going to look at them. But the kids

drove right up into the church, and we then watched

the story of David unfold. So the story of David,

we've got King Saul. King Saul is leading Israel.

He's the one that... The Lord originally said,

you know what? You want a king? Here he is. But

he began to turn. He disobeyed the Lord. And

so the prophet Samuel comes and says, you know

what? The kingdom, it's going to be taken from

you. And a new king is going to be anointed.

Enter David. This humble shepherd boy out in

the fields, playing his harp, minding his own

business. When he was called in, David gets anointed

to be king. And then he goes back to the field

for years. He is carrying a heavy anointing,

but understanding that it's not yet his time.

He's respecting God's anointed, which at the

time was still Saul. So later, most of us know

that he gets to the point of he ends up at the

battlefield. He ends up being the one to defeat

Goliath, and Saul ends up appointing him to be

a lead over his armies. But as David starts winning

victories, as people start beginning to take

notice that there's something special about David,

Saul starts to put together the pieces. He remembers

that someone else was going to be appointed king,

and he starts figuring out that it's David. What

happens? He gets super angry. And I mean angry

to the point of Saul is now pursuing David to

kill him. David is now running, actively being

hunted, betrayed by someone he once honored.

I mean, can you imagine going from living in

a palace to sleeping in a cave, being actively

chased, pursued by the man that you once just

played a harp for, the one that you respected,

the one whose son you treated like a brother.

But then there comes this moment, a moment where

David had to retaliate. Saul is alone. He's vulnerable.

He is exactly where he could have ended it. And

the world would say, you know what, do it. End

it. Save yourself. You're the one who's supposed

to lead anyways. But he doesn't. He released

the case to the Lord in 1 Samuel 24, verses 12

1 Samuel 24:12–14

through 14. He said, may the Lord judge between

you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs

you have done to me. But my hand will not touch

you. As the old saying goes, from evildoers come

evil deeds. So my hand will not touch you. Before

David ever had the opportunity to spare Saul's

life in the cave, he had actually already spent

years pouring his heart out to the Lord. He didn't

just pretend everything was fine. He prayed.

He lamented. He cried out. He asked God, why

was this happening? He was wrestling with fear,

disappointment, and even injustice. So many of

the Psalms that David wrote during this period

of time while he was fleeing from Saul, they

are raw and honest. He talks about enemies pursuing

him, people seeking his life, feeling surrounded

and overwhelmed. But David didn't ignore the

pain and the conflict. He just brought it before

the Lord and rested in his sovereignty. He rested

and then released the issue because he knew that

the Lord's will would prevail. if he obeyed.

He rested and released the conflict because he

knew that God was in control. By the time that

David stood in that cave with Saul, within arm's

reach, David had already had the time to release

his anger, his fear, his desire for justice,

all to the Lord. So when the moment came, he

simply refused to let Saul's sin create sin in

him. Because conflict in the heat of the moment,

in the struggle, in our flesh, it does. It makes

us want to react in huge ways. We want to lash

out with words. We want to lash out with actions

and anger. But our key scripture of Matthew 525

reminds us that we're not supposed to blow up

and keep walking to the court. We can pause,

rest, and release. We can rest in him. We can

take matters to the Lord in prayer. We can release

everything while we're on the way. But listen,

prayer is just what prepares us to go. Prayer

is not a substitute for actually going. Some

of us have just been asking God to simply remove

the conflict. We'll go to the Lord in prayer

and say, you know what, Lord, if you could just

smooth this all out, everything would be great.

I can do about my stuff. But that's not how the

Lord wants it to work. He says, I need you to

have a conversation. I need you to step up and

take this moment. So if you were to ask yourself

honestly, would you say that you're still building

a case against someone? Have you been collecting

evidence, rehearsing the wrong things that they've

done, even recruited other people just waiting

for your moment? We know that Jesus instructs

us to go, but we answer the how by resting in

him and releasing the matter to God. Because

settling a matter doesn't always mean that the

relationship is going to be restored overnight.

But it doesn't always mean that trust is immediately

rebuilt. Because sometimes, you know, the problem

is that the other people won't respond the way

we thought they would or should. But as followers

of Jesus, we are still responsible for our obedience,

not their response. So we rest and release. We

release the verdict, the outcome to God because

he is much more qualified than we are. Why? Because

while we rest in knowing that God is the ultimate

judge, we also must remember that Jesus is the

one that settled our debt first. We have to remember

what he's done. Remembering what he's done is

the foundation for settling matters. Remembering

what he's done is how we are able to go and resolve.

Remembering what he's done is how we are able

to rest and release. Because the greatest unsettled

matter was not between us and another person,

but it's between us and God. We had an unsettled

matter with God. Sin. Sin was something that

was separating us from this holy God. We couldn't

fix it. We couldn't pay it. We couldn't undo

it. We couldn't just carry the hurt. We were

carrying guilt. Maybe when somebody lies, when

somebody betrays you, when somebody cheats, when

somebody gossips, when somebody causes some sort

of conflict that is stirring up, we then want

somebody to pay. And so we either settle it by

just that. We either say, you're going to pay,

or we absorb the cost. And that is what Jesus

did. He settled our debt by absorbing the cost.

Remember what he's done. Think of the irony.

In our key scripture of Matthew 5, 25, Jesus

is teaching this passage. And then years later,

where does he end up? On his way to court. Jesus

was arrested in the garden after having been

betrayed by a friend, a disciple, a brother.

He was taken before religious leaders where false

witnesses were brought in. And then what happens?

Accusations fly. Lies are told. They spit on

him. They strike him. They mock him. They lead

him to Pilate. That sounds like a typical courtroom,

maybe without all the aggression. But you've

got a judge. You've got your witnesses. You have

an accusation. You even have a sentence. But

there was one thing that's wrong. The verdict.

Jesus. was perfect. He was blameless. He was

innocent. He did God's will and never once sinned.

Yet he was declared guilty. But he didn't defend

himself. He had all of the power and the authority

to call down angels to prove his innocence, but

he remained silent. 1 Peter 2 .23 says, when

he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he

entrusted himself to him who judges justly. Why?

Because Jesus wasn't trying to win his case.

He was settling ours. He didn't need to win his

case with the father because the father already

knew the truth. So then on the cross, he paid

the debt that we could never pay. He didn't have

to just carry this burden of proving himself

so that he could walk free, but so that we could

instead. The nails weren't the thing that was

holding him to the cross because he could have

freed himself in a moment. That was no matter

for him. But the desire to settle our case once

and for all is what held him there. We remember

what he's done because Jesus isn't asking us

to do something that he's not willing to do first.

We don't go because we're naturally forgiving,

right? We go because we've been forgiven. We

don't release because people necessarily deserve

it. We release because Jesus released us. We

don't pursue peace because conflict is comfortable.

We pursue peace because Christ made peace with

us. We can go to another person because we're

not going from a place of trying to prove ourselves.

We remember what he's done. Because it's not

about releasing people because they earn it,

but again, because Jesus first released us. Settling

with people, resting in God only works because

Jesus already settled the debt that mattered

most. And remembering what Jesus has done changes

also how we see the person who hurt me. The person

who hurts us, the conflicts that we're in, the

situations that we face. It humbles our pride.

It softens our anger. It loosens your grip on

desiring revenge. It gives you the courage to

have the hard conversation. Remembering what

he's done helps us to go and resolve. Remembering

what he's done helps us to rest and release.

As the worship team comes, let me ask you this.

What are you carrying that God has never asked

you to carry? Is it an offense? Is it a desire

for revenge? Maybe a conversation that you've

avoided, a burden for control, a fear, a regret.

Think about how my message began. My classroom

could not move forward until it was settled.

Jesus says that our hearts work the same way.

Families work the same way. Marriages work the

same way. Churches work the same way. Nothing

healthy will grow where conflict and bitterness

remain. So why do we think That it's okay for

us that we have the right to take people to court,

to drag them, to respond harshly, to hold grudges,

to carry burdens, to harbor bitterness and anger

instead of trusting them to the Father. Just

as I learned when I was a teacher where nothing

good happens until the room is settled, Jesus

teaches that nothing healthy grows in a heart

that refuses to settle. One classroom taught

children. The other, the Sermon on the Mount,

taught disciples. It taught followers of God,

children of God. And that, that's us. The lesson

is the same. Don't let chaos remain. Get settled.

But that doesn't mean that you just get to leave

here all light and spiritually happy and whatnot.

It means that if there's a name on your mind,

a conflict that happened, a situation going through

your head, that you should leave prayerfully

today with a plan to go and go quickly. Jesus

tells us to settle matters quickly because he

knows what happens when unsettled matters remain.

A conversation avoided becomes bitterness. A

wound ignored becomes resentment. A thought entertained

becomes a stronghold. And what starts small grows

heavier and heavier and heavier. And so today

it's not just, hey, stop carrying that. But it's,

hey, deal with it before it escalates and before

it's too late. Settle what needs to be settled.

Don't allow what can be resolved to become something

that controls you. Don't get to the courtroom

holding on to things that you should have resolved

along the way. Stand with me this morning, please.

If this morning you are carrying something, some

bitter root, some conflict, some hatred, some

anger, some matter that you need to settle, I

want you to settle it here first. Before you

go to somebody else, First, surrender your heart

to the Lord. Ask him to remove your desire to

punish, to prove, or even to prevail. Then go

in obedience, even if your emotions haven't fully

caught up yet. Until you settle yourself in the

Lord, you'll never have the strength to do it

outside of here. This morning, I want you to

bow your heads and close your eyes. If you need

to settle something, I want you to do something.

And again, with eyes closed, heads down, this

is a moment between you and God. If you need

to settle something this morning, here's what

I want you to do. I'm not gonna ask you to step

out from your seat right now. I'm gonna ask you

to extend a hand and hold your fist as if you're

holding on to whatever that matter is, whatever

that thing is that you need to let go of, whatever

conflict that has been going on in your life,

whatever situation. has been causing you unrest,

whatever thing has been causing you stress, this,

we're holding onto it right now. But we're not

just holding onto it to hold onto it, we're holding

onto it before the Lord. This is the moment,

like I said, that no one needs to be looking

around, no one needs to know exactly what your

conflict is, but this is the moment that you're

holding onto this before the Lord. I'm gonna

pray, and I want you to continue to pray, but

when you're ready, I want you to release your

fist. I don't want you to release your hand because

I'm done praying. I don't want you to release

because the moment feels like it's over. I want

you to release when you've taken the time to

settle your heart. And then if you'd still like

individual prayer, we have a prayer team that

will be along the side that would love to pray

with you or I would be willing to pray with you.

But don't leave here carrying a heavy case. Don't

leave here with a matter that needs to be settled

in your heart. Take this moment before the Lord.

Rest and release. And then we're going to go

quickly. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, God, we

thank you for this morning. God, we thank you

for your word. We thank you that you have been

with us this morning as we are talking, as we're

going through this conflict, this conversation

that sometimes can be uncomfortable. The idea

of conflict is not something that we want to

be in. It's not something that we were ever meant

to be in. Father, we thank you that this morning

as we've heard from your word, as we've heard

from the message that you preached yourself,

that we have a command, God. We are supposed

to go and resolve our matters, but we need to

rest in you. We need to release that matter to

you this morning. So Father, for those that I

saw that have their hands raised this morning,

those that were holding on to something, God,

I pray that there be a release, not just a physical

release of their hands, but God, as they release

that matter to you in their hearts, as they feel

that freedom, that joy, that peace that comes

from releasing something to you, to know that

we're not the judge, to know that we're not the

one that has to handle it. But God, that you

do go with us. That when you say that we're supposed

to settle matters along the way with our adversary

on the way, God, you are also right there with

us. That today as we go, today as we go and resolve,

after we've taken the time to remember what you've

done and to remember that we can rest and release

in you, Father, I pray that you are with us in

guiding every word, every conversation. And Father,

when... The outcome happens. Whatever happens,

we give it to you. We trust you. When we pray

for reconciliation, we pray for relationships

to be fixed. We pray for situations to come to

a resolution, God. We pray that this morning

as we release our anger, as we release our pride,

as we release anything to you, God, that we are

settled, that we feel rested. But not that we're

just spiritually lighter and ready to just happy

-go -lucky go on our way and say, oh, well, I

released it. But, God, that we are strengthened

and given the courage and the boldness that it

takes to go and have that conversation. Go and

speak to that conflict. Go and move in your power,

God, your authority that goes with us because

of your Holy Spirit. God, we thank you this morning.

We pray that you are just continuing to minister

the hearts, minister to the people, even if things

come up later, that they come back to this. They

come back to remembering that they don't go alone,

but they are to go. But they have the power to

go because of what you've done. We thank you,

Lord. We thank you for what you've done. We thank

you for settling our debt, God. We thank you.

For when we didn't deserve it, that you gave

us your son. You set us free and you're giving

us freedom yet today. Father, we thank you. We

give you all things in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank

you for tuning in to this message from Lifehouse

Church. Pray that you were impacted powerfully

by this message. If you have been personally

affected by our ministry and you would like to

partner with us as we love God, love people every

day, visit our website at www .lifehousecog .com.