PASTOR LUKE LEZON | HOW TO BE A MAN OF GOD

We doing all right? [applause]

>> It is great to see you and to be here

with you all this morning. I am so

grateful that we're gathered together in

this house. And I'm grateful because

today we are beginning a brand new

collection of conversations that we are

calling divine desire. Divine Desire is

a collection. It's a discussion where we

are going to be living in and learning

from the Song of Songs where yes, we

will be addressing things like dating,

marriage, sex, and romance. And I think

that all of us can probably agree that

across the spectrum of where you might

stand on a relational level, I think we

see that we are facing substantial

struggle. And yet the beautiful thing

that we're going to see over the course

of the next several weeks is that we

also have a scriptural solution. We are

living in a time right now in society

and culture where I think regardless of

your age or your relational stage, we

recognize that people are longing for

committed love. And yet we are losing

our confidence in our ability to a find

it, b have it, or c keep it. We're

living in the midst of this really

bizarre historical relational struggle

where it's interesting Pew Research uh

is a non-partisan nonprofit research

organization center that has set out to

find some interesting things in culture

and society and the way that we're

interacting uh with one another and

institutions. And in that uh they did a

study where they conducted some research

into how many 25 to 35 year olds both

men and women are married currently when

you compare that to the trajectory of

where things were in generations past.

And so it's interesting by the age of 25

to 35 those men and women in 1965 what

percentage of individuals do you think

were married between the ages of 25 and

35 in 1965?

>> 88%.

88%.

You fast forward 30 years to 1995, that

number plummets to 67%. And you fast

forward another 30 years to 2025. And

what you'll find is just 44% of 25 to 35

year olds, both men and women, are

married. Now, I think Pew Research does

a really beautiful job here of debunking

what could be a reflexive response where

we could so easily be like, "Oh, well, I

guess it's because people aren't

desiring marriage as much today in 2025,

2026 as we were in 1965." And while

there could be some truth to that, I

think what's interesting is that

actually of a generation that has been

pulled most recently, men and women had

about roughly the same number of uh

statistics that showed 70% of them

desire to be married. So we see that

there's a huge discrepancy between the

desire and what's actually happening.

70% versus 44%. So, I think we can say

with a whole lot of clarity based on

what the data says that we know that

it's not that we're desiring marriage a

whole lot less. It's that we're

struggling with it a whole lot more.

Now, some of you might be in here and

you're like, "Hey, that's great uh for

all of the people that are single, I

guess, to know that, but I am super

married in this place today." Let's talk

about you. Uh 42% of all marriages,

you've heard this before, end in

divorce.

But here's what I'm really going to go

after over the course of the next

several weeks. 20% of marriages operate

like sexless roommates rather than

divine teammates that God has brought

together that we might see them run

together on mission for the glory and

the fame of Jesus Christ. And so just

because you got a ring on doesn't mean

that things are going well. And I here's

the thing that I think we need to

understand.

Today and next week we're going to be in

the exact same passage. Song of Songs

Song of Solomon 1 · chapter mention

chapter 1 to Song of Songs chapter 2:7.

And what we're going to do uh is we are

going to address men specifically today

and we are going to address women

specifically next week by working out of

the exact same uh passages of scripture

here. And so what I want to do today is

address the men. And so wives, congrats

if you brought your husband. Good day to

be you. Uh because we are going to say

some things to them. Uh men, your

retaliation is bring your wife next week

because that's going to be for you. Uh

and so uh we are equal opportunity

offenders in here. All right? We are

going to make sure that everybody hears

what needs to be heard. Now uh here's

here's what we need to understand. We

are going to have a conversation today

that I am titling how to be a man of

God. And that's obviously within a

relational context. Uh and let me just

go ahead and speak on behalf of the men

in the room right now. Uh being a man at

this time in history is uh weird. It's

kind of weird because we see that in

culture and society uh there seemed to

be this moment over the course of the

past several decades where we wanted to

have a conversation about some of the

less than ideal things that we're seeing

in adolescence boys that are becoming

men and how they're operating in

manhood. But rather than addressing the

problems that we see with men and

manhood, it seems that we swung the

pendulum as we do and we've decided to

just say that men are problematic. And

so, I'm sure we've all heard a phrase in

here uh called toxic masculinity.

Anybody know what I'm talking about

toxic masculinity? Uh if you don't know

men, you're the worst. And so I think

you need to understand though uh toxic

masculinity is this interesting phrase

where now we're using this phrase uh to

not just talk about uh some less than

ideal things that we see in men and

manhood but really just to say that uh

all men are toxic uh which is kind of

fascinating. But here's my question. Are

we seeing a desire for the restoration

of all of the beautiful and good things

that are associated with men and manhood

or the continual degradation of them? I

think the answer is pretty obvious. We

are not seeing things go well. But I

would submit the question to you.

Calling men toxic, how is that going for

society? How is that going? It's

interesting. Christina Hoff Summers

would say this. History teaches us that

masculinity without morality is lethal,

but masculinity constrained by morality

is powerful and constructive and a gift

to women. It's interesting. Camille

Paglia would say this. When an educated

culture routinely denigrates masculinity

and manhood, then women will be

perpetually stuck with boys.

Both of those women are feminist

philosophers.

By the way, it's interesting. I don't

think that masculinity is toxic. I think

that masculinity handled well is

actually necessary. And the truth of the

matter is every single person in this

room has either been seriously assisted

or seriously afflicted at the hands of

men in their life where you've seen men

wield their power well lovingly and

gracefully in a way that set you up for

success or you watched men abuse their

power in a way that afflicted you and it

was detrimental maybe not only to you

but others in your orbit. And so we need

to get to a place of understanding that

key church needs to be a church where we

have men in our church that handle and

wield their power well, particularly in

the way that they navigate their most

serious relationships. And so here's the

thing that I just want to say as we're

entering into this conversation, I

understand when we're talking about

dating, marriage, sex, romance, marital

conflict, uh there are really two camps

that are in here right now. There's one

camp uh that some of you are fleeing to

called the camp of evasion where you're

like what? Go through Romans for eight

years. Why are we doing this? Why are

you talking about Song of Songs? This is

the forbidden book. We don't do this.

This is dumb. Why would you want to go

through this? I don't want to have this

conversation. It's TNT. Don't touch it.

Then there are some of you that are in

here and you're in the complete opposite

camp. You're in a camp that I would call

obsession where you've never been so

excited in your life

or you've never been more depressed

and your emotional well-being is way too

wrapped up in this conversation.

I would submit to you that I think that

there is a third camp that can be

cultivated and I would call that camp

celebration where we are not creating

any type of pressure or shame in this

room around our relationships but more

so rather than going by what culture

says or even what the church has done

which has mostly been about the

prohibition of what you cannot do in

relationships rather let's cultivate a

vision of what the scriptures and the

Lord Jesus Christ says we should be

doing with our relationships that we

would flourish. Does that sound good?

Song of Songs 1 vers1 is where we're

going to be. Ladies, we need to have a

conversation real quick. Okay. Uh so

men, just flip or scroll there for a

second. Tune this out. Ladies, if you've

never been an amener, today ain't the

day to start. Okay? Uh so if you never

if you've never been shouting me down,

if you've never been like, "That's good.

Come on, preacher." If you've never done

that, today is not the day TO BE LIKE,

"WOO!" DO not do that. This is not the

day to start elbowing your husband as a

Like, you know, like this is not Mortal

Kombat. This is not WWE. I can see you

up here. You think I can't see you?

Like, I see when you're getting on your

phones. I see when you're like, "You

hear that? You hear that? You hear

that?" Like, don't do that. All right.

Here's the other thing. He's going to do

something crazy after this. He's going

to try

with you some things. He's here and

here. Do not be like, "Well, you're just

doing that because Pastor Luke said to

do it going through church." Like, don't

do not,

for the love of all things, do not do

that. All right?

Help us help you.

That's a smart man.

All right.

So, please

do not

make this harder. In all seriousness,

we want to see change. We want to see

change. So, help. Help. Okay. Uh, final

thing.

If you can't laugh, you're going to hate

this collection,

obviously. Uh, if if you're just like

sex is icky or you take yourself too

seriously and you can't laugh around

these things, exits are that way. I'm

not going to respond to your email. I

don't care. This has to be talked about.

Uh

other thing is there are multiple groups

of people in here. Some of you are

married and you're like my marriage is

great. Great. We want to strengthen your

strong marriage. Some of you are in here

and you're like my relationship is on

the rocks. Can we be a people that are

cognizant of that in this place? I want

to see restoration of broken marriages

over the course of the next several

weeks. You could be in here and you're

single and you're like, "Well, what does

this have to do with me? We're talking

about marriage." Well, it's going to

help cultivate a vision of how this

should go in a way that relationships

are going to flourish. But then also I I

think there could be some of us that are

married in here where you might feel

like we're hitting a lull and we're

talking about dating or singleness or

whatever and you're like I'm already I'm

I'm already married and it's like hey

like like please have enough kindness

knowing that most of this is going to be

directed towards married individuals to

know this. At one point you were single.

You probably know someone who is single

that you're like please say something

that I can send to them because they

don't listen to me. And then third and

worst of all some of you in here and

you're married and you wish you were

single. So, let's go ahead and open up.

I know. I know. Uh, let's let's Y'all

ready for the word? All right. Good. Uh,

says this, "The Song of Songs, which is

Solomon's

woman begins and says, "Oh, that he

would kiss me with the kisses of his

mouth, for your caresses are more

delightful than wine. The fragrance of

your perfume is intoxicating. Your name

is perfume poured out. No wonder young

women adore you. Take me with you. Let's

hurry. Oh that the king would bring me

to his chambers. Her friends chime in

and say, "We will rejoice and be glad in

you. We will celebrate your caresses

more than wine." She says, "It is only

right that they adore you. Daughters of

Jerusalem, I am dark like the tents of

Kadar, yet lovely like the curtains of

Solomon. Do not stare at me because I am

dark, for the sun has gazed on me. My

mother's sons were angry with me. They

made me take care of the vineyards. I

have not yet taken care of my own

vineyard. Tell me, you whom I love,

where do you pasture your sheep? Where

do you let them rest at noon? Why should

I be like one who veils herself beside

the flocks of your companions? The man

jumps in and says, "If you do not know,

most beautiful of women, follow the

tracks of the flock and pasture your

young goats near the shepherd's tents. I

compare you, my darling, to a mare among

Pharaoh's chariots. Your cheeks are

beautiful with jewelry, your neck with

its necklace. We will make gold jewelry

for you, accented with silver." The

woman jumps back in and says, "While the

king is on his couch, my perfume

releases its fragrance. The one I love

is a sache of myrr to me spending the

night between my breasts. The one that I

love is a cluster of henna blossoms to

me in the vineyards of Engeti. The man

says, "How beautiful you are, my

darling. How very beautiful. Your eyes

are doves." And the woman says, "How

handsome you are, my love. How

delightful. Our bed is verdant. The

beams of our house are cedars and our

rafters are cypresses. I am a wild

flower of Sharon, a lily of the

valleys." The man says, "Like a lily

among thorns, so is my darling among the

young women." The woman responds and

says, "Like an apricot tree among the

trees of the forest, so is my love among

the young men. I delight to sit in his

shade, and his fruit is sweet to my

taste. He brought me to the banquet

hall, and he looked on me with love.

Sustain me with raisins. Refresh me with

apricots, for I am lovesick. May his

left hand be under my head, and his

right arm embrace me. Young women of

Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazels

and the wild doze of the field. Do not

stir up or awaken love until the

appropriate time.

Make sense? Let's read, pray, and let's

jump in after that. Okay.

Uh Lord, I am so grateful to be able to

uh be on a journey with you as we

journey together as a church and wade

into the waters of what is a really

uncomfortable topic. Um that's really

not a topic. It's in the scriptures. And

so, Lord, you knew that we would

struggle relationally. And Lord, there

are some of us that are in here where

everything in our world is going right

except for the number one relationship

that we have here on this earth. God, I

pray that you would see and hear your

people. That we would have uh hearts

that are fertile to hear these words

that it is that you have laid out for

us. That we would be a people that

respond to them and that we change. God,

I pray for the men of this house

specifically. God, thank you for the men

of this house. strong, courageous,

brave, valiant men that maybe just need

to see where it is that their attention

and focus needs to go. Lord, would you

bless our time? Father, we love you. We

praise you. We ask these things in Jesus

name. Amen.

Well, Song of Songs chapter 1 verse one

Song of Solomon 1 · chapter mention

will open up and it will say the Song of

Songs which is Solomon's. Uh which is

interesting because what we see is that

Song of Songs is Hebrew idiom. It's a

superlative, which you'll notice in

Hebrew that the repetition of a thing

emphasizes a thing. So think about where

you see this in other places. You'll see

this in things like the holy of holies,

the king of kings, the lord of lords.

It's a way of expressing this is the

best and ultimate of that thing, the

ultimate king, the ultimate lord of all

others who have held that title. We see

that the same thing is happening here

that this is the song of all songs. This

is the song of songs. And it's

significant because we also know that

Solomon ended up asking God for wisdom

when he could have asked God for

anything else. This pleased God. And as

a result, God gave Solomon wisdom that

existed for no other man but him before

or since. And as a result, with that

wisdom, what did Solomon do? Well, we

see that he did a couple of different

things. Number one, he wrote more than

3,000 proverbs. Number two, he wrote

1,05 songs. And what we see is being

said here is that they're saying, "And

this is the best. This is the best of

all of them, the Song of Songs. And in

the midst of that, what you'll notice is

that even in the way that we just read,

Song of Songs 1:1-2:7,

Song of Solomon 1:1–2:7

that there is this flow of conversation

where a man and a woman, King Solomon,

and a woman known as the Schulomite

woman are singing songs back and forth

to one another. It's poetry. And in

that, you'll notice that there are

several different characters that end up

speaking all over the place. And the way

that you'll break that down is you'll

notice 37% of the time the man speaks.

55% of the time the woman speaks because

life uh see that we see that the woman's

friends will chime in 7% of the time

also life uh that we see all of these

things happen and there's just one

moment where God himself will speak up

and don't you know it would be after the

consummation of the marriage praise God

and so what we see here is in verse two

it will begin and the woman says oh that

he would kiss me with the kisses of his

mouth and I think we have men in here

that are like this is the message you

have for

you know, we really should be at church

more. Like, they're doing great work for

the glory of God. And I think this is

where we need to be. I don't know why we

haven't been here as much. This is what

we need TO DO. LIKE, GLORY, LIKE, THIS

IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. And listen,

I'm wired the same way you are, man. I

get it, right? Like my sweet wife who

has the misfortune of being here right

now, uh, would end up, she'll write

sweet notes on my mirror, and she's just

like, "Oh, Luke, nothing can separate

you from the love of God in Christ

Jesus. Have a great day, honey." And I'm

just writing on hers like, "Let him kiss

me with the kisses of his mouth." Like,

I mean, you know, like I get it. But I

think what we need to notice here is

that there's something uh going on where

she's saying, "Let him kiss me with the

kisses of his mouth." She's saying,

"Hey, you're over there. I'm over here.

There are boundaries between us. Why

don't you bring that face over here so

we can eliminate the boundaries?" She is

excited about being with this man on a

physical level that we see there's an

immediate desire for intimacy there. And

I think we need to ask a question here

for all of the purity culture kids that

are in here and go, "Is there anything

wrong with a desire to be intimate with

the one that you love?" Uh, no.

We see that as it relates to sex that

God wrote the song. He provided the

instruments. Hello. And we see that also

he said there is a right way in which

you play music. He didn't say how dare

you think about music. He doesn't do

that. And so we see that she would say

all of this, "Oh, that he would kiss me

with the kisses of his mouth." And then

she'll go on to say, "For your caresses

are more delightful than wine." And I

think the guy should be in here going,

"Why? How? What? What is this MAN DOING?

HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?" And what you'll

see is she says, "Your caresses are more

delightful than wine." And the word that

she uses for uh caresses is a word that

could obviously be translated as

caresses, but also could be used in a

broader sense uh to mean loving and not

like love making. We're not talking

about intimacy in that way, but really

the broad sense of expressions of love.

She says, "I want there to be

expressions of love here, and you're

showing me that." She says, "I want the

kisses of your mouth." She says, "Your

caresses are more delightful than wine."

She says, "I want there to be movement

to our love." That we're not stagnant,

but we actually desire to be with each

other. And you'll notice that she even

exemplifies that desire in the way that

the pronoun switches. Did you notice

that? That she'll say, "Let him kiss me

with the kisses of his mouth." That he's

far away. And then somehow she's just

been like, "Your caresses are more

delightful than wine. How you doing?"

That she has made her way towards this

man. And what we see is that as we

continue on, she says, "Your caresses

are more delightful than wine." Which

you might be going, "What what what does

that mean?" Well, wine uh in the ancient

world was known as the drink of

celebration. And there was nothing that

was more delightful to the lips, to the

taste than wine, which I know for us

Baptists is a very difficult thing to

comprehend. It's like that stuff is

evil. Uh but what we see is that the

ancients liked wine the same way that

you do. Uh they said, "Hey, uh wine will

do this crazy thing where it will relax

your mind. It'll warm your body." And

she said, "Hey, I recognize that all of

the beautiful things about the

celebratory drink of wine are amazing

and yet at the same time what I

understand is that uh it's only

temporary." She says, "What I love about

you is that um your love is not

temporary." And she said, "And

furthermore, it's worthy of celebration

in a way that's greater than the drink

of celebration." She says, "Your

caresses are more delightful than wine."

Right? And so we see we need to be

asking the question, why is she feeling

this way towards this guy? And this is

where we start to get into it. And so,

men, I've only got four things that I'm

going to give you today because I knew

we need to keep this relatively simple

for us. And so, I said this, uh, the

first thing you need to know is that a

man of God in a relational context is a

man of good character and reputation.

Good character and reputation. She says

this, "The fragrance of your perfume is

intoxicating. Your name is perfume

poured out." So, let me just say, man,

if the kissing from verse two is not

going well, check the smelling in verse

three. Because what we see her say is

she says, "Uh, hey, the fragrance of

your perfume is intoxicating." And we

could make that mean a million different

things. And really, all she's saying is,

"Uh, this guy smells good. I really like

this guy's cologne. This is really

great." Uh, so I think this is probably

not so much for married men. Like if

you're married in here, like I I would

imagine that you're taking care of

yourself on some level, right? But let

me just say maybe more for the single

guys, hey, like a good way to just be a

step ahead of others is uh like

deodorant.

Um

brush your teeth.

Don't be like, "Ah, mouthwash will do

it." It won't. Just, you know, do do all

things. Uh she's like, "Man, I'm

grateful for this guy's personal

hygiene. He doesn't smell bad." And the

thing is uh often uh we see that the the

Middle Eastern climate is unbelievably

uh hot and yet bathing and showering is

something that wasn't readily available

to someone who did not have means and

resources. And so often times men would

wear uh aromatic oils in their beard, in

their hair, uh just kind of all over so

that they could continue to smell good.

And she's saying, "Oh man, your perfume,

that fragrance, all that that's really

intoxicating." Is that Dior? Like that's

amazing. And and so as she moves on

though, you'll notice she says uh your

name is perfume poured out, which is uh

significant because um there's word play

going on there uh that we can't see

unless you dig into Hebrew. And it's

interesting, the word name in Hebrew is

shem and the word perfume in Hebrew is

she and so she's saying, hey, those

words, they sound like each other. They

they also operate like each other. Uh

you'll notice that this book is

unbelievably central. I mean, we're

three we're we're three verses in so

far. And what you'll notice is that she

says uh that your caresses are

delightful. She's talking about touch,

the taste of wine. She's talking about

taste. Now, she's talking about smell

with fragrance. And what you'll notice

though, it's interesting that she ties

name and fragrance together. And that's

interesting because the thing that's

most associated essentially uh to memory

is smell. Smell brings forth memories

more than anything else. And so it's

interesting that she says uh your name

has a smell and that will elicit a

visceral response because you'll notice

here that if you smell something you

either feel like it's delightful, you'll

move towards it or you think it's

repulsive and you move away from it. Now

some of you might be in here and you

might be going really like if your name

is said like a visceral reaction that

feels a little intense but you know uh

like Hitler

I think I think most of us in here

aren't like nice. Most of us are like,

"Ah, like why?" You know, like mo most

people in here are like misunderstood.

They're like h like that guy terrible.

Like the most evil person ever. But if I

were to say Mother Teresa, you'd be

like, "Uh, like you know, there there

there are names that have different

reactions to them." And so, men of God

in the room, let me ask you, how does

your name smell?

How does your name smell? Your name is a

candle.

Your character is the wax, the very fuel

to everything else that happens with a

candle. Your reputation is the wick and

the flame that people can see and feel.

And your name leaves behind a smell that

is either pleasing that people want to

move towards or it's repulsive and

people want to move away from. Your name

and your character are deeply

intertwined with one another. And we see

that your character is the moral, the

moral and the spiritual makeup of who

you are. We see that it's the settled

pattern of who you are. It really is the

amalgamation of a couple of different

things. There's an internal piece of

your character, a habitual piece of your

character, and a moral piece of your

character. There's an internal piece,

which is to say, "I'm not interested

in your projected image, but your

heart's posture. I I I don't care what

you drive, where you live, what you want

me to think about you, but who are you

in the hidden places of who you are? Let

me make this more practical. Um, does

your wife have the passcode to your cell

phone?

If your wife were to go through your

phone without you knowing, would that

make you panic or would you be like,

"We're one flesh. It's not a big deal.

There's a habitual piece. I'm not

talking about one time I did something

bad, one time I did something good. I'm

talking about no know the total amount

of steps that you're taking towards

compromise or obedience. What does that

look like? The summation of your

decisions and there's a moral piece.

There are things that God has decided

and declared are good and right and

things that are immoral and are not

good. And so, let me just ask you, what

does that look like for you? Are you

moving in that the direction of the

things that are good and right? Because

the truth of the matter is your

character is who you are on the inside

lived out over time in the direction of

what it is that God has declared is

right and good. That's what your

character is. And we see that she likes

this man's character. Notice she doesn't

step onto the scene. She's like, "He's

hot." She's like, "Hey, uh, your name is

perfume poured out." And so some of you

might be in here like being like, "Dude,

are you serious?" ious. Like, if you're

single, you might be going like, "Are

you saying that physical attraction

can't be a thing? Come on, man." And I'm

saying, "No, I'm not saying you have to

be with someone hideous." Like, I'm I'm

not saying that there's someone else

hideous for someone hideous. You don't

have to do that. Like, you know, I I'm

I'm not saying that. All right? Like,

all I'm trying to say to you is that

physical attraction is something that

obviously matters a little bit, but I

think we see she's physically attracted

to this guy here. Uh it can be the

reason that things start on some level.

It can't be the reason that you stay for

someone. Can I just tell you something?

Time and gravity catch all of us. All

right. So like uh it's just not going to

be the thing.

Uh it it's kind of like this. Whenever

you purchase a home, there are things

that really matter and there are things

that kind of matter. Man, your character

is the foundation.

Everything else is a fixture. Man, it

would be bizarre to walk into a house

and be like, "You know what? Everything

about this place is so solid. This thing

could withstand any storm. And I love

what we got going on here." But the

lights, I just I don't know. I'm just

They're just not great. I just don't

love the stove. I don't know. Like, and

you said, "So, instead instead what I

want to do uh is I want to go to this

other house where the foundation is

crumbling, but you know what? I love

that stove. That's a nice stove. I

really like the light. Aren't those

lights so great? That stuff can change.

If you've got a bad foundation, who

cares what else you got? Like, we got to

understand, men, your character is the

foundation upon which your wife, your

family is either going to rise or to

fall. We are way too focused on how much

money do you make? Are you attractive?

Are you powerful? Like, are are you any

of these things? Are you talented? Like

if attraction, talent, and money were

all great things to build on, how's

Hollywood doing?

>> Make it make sense.

None of those things

can hold up under the weight of human

life.

They can go. And so she says, "I desire

romance with you

because

you got character, man. You got a good

name." She says, "There's a freshness to

your fragrance."

Men, foul smelling men do not smell

fresh

by making decisions based on even whom

you're going to marry that you're

devoted and faithful to or or the things

that No. Foul smelling men only smell

fresh once they recognize that there's

someone that I ultimately need to submit

my life to that I'm devoted and faithful

to and who rules and reigns over my

life. And so let me ask you, are you

abiding in the Lord Jesus Christ?

Is his character being formed in you?

I'm not asking for perfection. Are you

committed to being perfected? Is

everything else falling by the wayside

so that you can make sure that you're

spending time with him and him alone?

your wife will appreciate it more than

anyone. Or are you a person that's

living with this harshness and this

rashness to you? What does that look

like? Because you can be someone who's

declaring that you're a Christian while

neglecting all of the disciplines and

the fruit that comes with that and find

yourself in a place where it's real odd

to measure what it is that you're saying

with what it is that people are seeing.

See, Proverbs 22:1 would say that a good

Proverbs 22:1

name is to be valued above great wealth.

Are you working on your name as much as

you're working on your portfolio?

Verse three will go on and this woman

will say, "No wonder young women adore

you." She's like, "Other women in our

friend group like you. You got

character. Spice girls were prophetic,

man. If you want to be my lover, you got

to get with my friends."

Hey dudes,

you're being discussed a lot.

Like like a lot. Particularly the single

guys, but even the married ones. Like

you're being discussed a lot. Dissected,

diced,

scrolling back to 2012 to see what you

were doing when you thought the world

was ending. Like you you are

absolutely being diced up.

And here's what's interesting

is that she says, "My friends

notice character in you." Which, by the

way, and this would be more towards the

single guys in the room. If you're with

a girl who has a particularly godly

family and friends, their approval is

pretty critical. Their approval is

pretty critical. You just you just burst

onto the scene. They've been taking care

of her forever. So, and that's another

thing. hot rod. Like, uh, one thing

that's a real problem, uh, is is when

she's got these godly family and friends

and then all of a sudden you you show up

and now she's isolating. She's nowhere

to be seen.

Where where'd she go? Oh, she's with

this guy.

I don't know.

It's a problem. Call it courting,

dating, whatever you want to call it.

There's a communal aspect to

relationships. At least there should be.

And the fact of the matter is that we

got a lot of people that need other

people in their life to witness the

character of someone and say, 'Hey,

we're cheering this on. Or, whoa, whoa,

whoa, we got some, this is a cautionary

tale. And so, we see that she'll

continue and she'll say, "Take me with

you. Let's hurry. Oh, that the king

would bring me to his chambers." And

there's an obvious sexual undertone

here, but I think we need to know it's

both romantic and intimate. She says,

"Take me with you." In Hebrew, uh, it

could mean draw after. that she's saying

here uh more than she's saying anything

super sexual. She's saying, "Hey, I I

want you to know I want unprecedented

access to you. Heart, mind, body, soul,

everything." She's like, "I want to be

the one that has access to you in a way

that nobody else has access to you." And

so, you see that she's attracted to him

with his character on an emotional

level. And that's leading to some

physical stuff, which don't you know,

that's the way that works, boys.

She's feeling connected emotionally.

That can lead places physically.

We however tend to, you know,

hypothetically be like physical

connection can lead to emotional

connection. Not so here. And she's

setting the pace in that. She's saying,

"Hey, like we got to be connected on an

emotional level." And she's saying, "And

I am. I feel safe with you. Does your

wife feel safe with you?"

And I don't mean just in a physical way.

I I mean in an emotional way, in a

verbal way. Does she feel safe with you?

The young women will say, "We will

rejoice and be glad in you. We will

celebrate your caresses more than wine."

And the woman will say, "It's only right

that they adore you." And I think we

realize her friends continue in their

admiration and attestation of this guy's

character. And when she says, "Hey, it's

only right that they adore you." Her

friends aren't being weird. It's not

like they're jealous here and they're

just like, "We would kind of like to

date him." Now they're what they're

saying is, "Hey, what you need to

understand is uh we have witnessed and

we have seen and we're confirming your

choice. This a good man. It's a good

man." And let me just say uh to some of

the single ladies since we took a small

shot there for the single guys. Uh

single ladies, I cannot tell you how

many times I have seen a good godly

woman have good godly friends and living

a good godly life and then all of a

sudden here comes this cloaked figure,

this guy out of nowhere and you get

wooed

by the things that he'll say that he

doesn't even mean only for you to later

on feel lied to and manipulated. And let

me just tell you a cheat code in your

relationships. If you want to make sure

you're not blind to infatuation, then

make sure that you are a woman that

extends an invitation for communal

participation. Let other people in to be

able to say this is good or this is

concerning. Right? We see Song of Songs

1:es 5-7. I'm not going to read all of

this because we're going to go into that

extensively

next week. But if you jump down to verse

9, we see that there's something else

that the men in the room need to be

aware of. Second thing that a man of God

does. Second thing that a man of God

does in a relational sense is that you

prioritize and value your wife. [snorts]

You prioritize and value your wife. Song

Song of Solomon 1:9

of Songs 1:9. Notice that the man would

jump in here and he will say, "I compare

you, my darling, to a mare among

Pharaoh's chariots." uh which is super

confusing information because he says a

couple of things that I'm just like you

know he said uh I compare you which is I

feel like a tough start. Um and then he

says I compare you to a mare among

Pharaoh's chariots. He says I compare

you baby to a horse. And I'm like

so just uh men let me don't go home and

be like hey se biscuit like that's not

There's Don't do that.

Do not do that.

I hope I don't need to say that, but it

feels like I might. So,

what's happening here is that Pharaoh

loved Pharaoh. Pharaoh's a big Pharaoh

fan. And [snorts] so because of that,

often times when he was about to show up

somewhere, he would arrive with

stallions and chariots that were going

before him. But you would know Pharaoh's

going to burst onto the scene if the

choicest and finest mayor female horse

would end up showing onto the scene. And

so we see that that female horse

wouldn't be pulling uh chariots like the

other horses, but rather would just show

up and pretty much announce somebody of

great significance is on the way here.

Uh and it's interesting if you look at

historical record of battles, there are

rumors uh that testify to the fact that

oftentimes uh there could uh

hypothetically speaking of course be

chariots that were headed your way,

stallions that were charging you that

were your enemy. And a good tactic would

be to just send a female horse out there

and to just redirect their attention.

And all of these stallions that were

going to run you over with their

chariots are now chasing this beauty out

of nowhere. And so we see here that not

much has changed. uh that that would

still be probably fairly effective. But

what he's really doing is he's paying

his girl a compliment and and he's

saying, "Hey, um I'm like wildly

attracted to you." And he's saying, "Not

only are you attractive, but a horse

would be a cherished companion." Right?

So, we see that he's saying your beauty,

grace, and strength all wrapped up into

one. He says, "Nobody is of a higher

priority and value to me." He says, "You

drive me wild in the best of ways." And

so let me just go ahead and ask men in

this room. Um, do you prioritize and

value your wife? That's a good question

to ask her. Does she feel prioritized

and valued? When you married your wife,

she became your highest priority and

calling. Ephesians 5:31 would say that a

Ephesians 5:31

man will leave his father and mother, be

joined to his wife, and the two will

become one flesh. That you are one flesh

with your wife. And I think I just need

to put a pin there and say something. uh

unbelievably clearly and hopefully uh

with some tenderness, but it needs to be

said nonetheless. Um those of you that

have children that are at an age where

they're eligible to be married. Often

times, you don't mean it in a bad way,

but after your son gets engaged to some

woman or your daughter gets engaged to

some man, often times I'll be in the

lobby and you'll be telling me about

this and you'll say something that is

really problematic. You'll say, "We're

just so excited to have another daughter

in the family.

We're just so excited to have a son in

the family.

Let me help here. You're not adding a

son or a daughter to the family.

Your son or your daughter's

gaining a wife or a husband.

And you leave and cleave.

And they're a family. You're extended

family. And they don't have to do all

the stuff that you do unless you really

want to hinder them from being

successful.

You are one flesh with your wife.

not your hobbies or your profession

which are easy to drift towards. And I

think men we need to understand and just

go ahead and confess that oftentimes our

hobbies become escapes from

responsibilities.

Our hobbies become escape even from our

realities. I'm not going to go on some

crazy diet tribe about our hobbies. But

let me just go ahead and say there's a

lot of men that are real excited about

the success they're having in a fantasy

world and they're failing in a real one.

There's a lot of men that are really

excited about their handicap on the golf

course, but you're handicapping your

family in order to get there. Your wife

is your focus. She's not a side hustle.

Do not set a table well for everyone in

your world while your poor wife is just

getting the crumbs off the table. She

deserves better than what you're leaving

her for leftovers.

And so, you see in verse 10 that he'll

continue on and he'll say, "Your cheeks

are beautiful with jewelry. your neck

with its necklace. Uh he he's going from

talking about this mayor, this horse,

and he's talking about jewelry, which is

significant because we see that Pharaoh

would dress and decorate his choicest

and finest female horse in jewels and

ornaments. And so we see that there's a

flow to the conversation here. But then

he says something interesting. He he

says, "Your cheeks are very beautiful."

And he's talking about these cheeks,

just for clarification. [laughter]

I'm just

I don't know. I don't like there are

some guys that are like got it. Uh like

you know

so

we good? We got you know. So and notice

he's being specific.

He's being super specific. He said I

like the way that your jewelry uh looks

on your face. He's saying, "I I like the

way that your necklace looks on your

neck." He He's saying, "I like the way

that you look right now. This is a

beautiful look here." He's being

unbelievably specific. And I think

that's significant for this reason.

Proverbs would say that life and death

are in the power of the tongue. And I

just wonder, are you speaking life into

your wife and your marriage or just with

a bunch of harshness?

What does that look like? Are you

killing romance

before you even have an opportunity to

cultivate some things? And here's the

thing, you want to lead in a way that's

not just

taking care of the good things. You

don't just want to be kinder, but also

there's other things that involve taking

more responsibilities, men, like being

the lead repter, which I know if you're

like me is hard because you're never

wrong, but just hypothetically speaking,

like,

you know,

find something, you know,

ladies, I swear this isn't going off the

rails here. Just just just lean in for a

second, men. Um,

men, uh, you ever felt like your wife

feels like you're supposed to be able to

read her mind?

>> Okay, that's a fail. Uh, like, uh,

[laughter]

anybody in here feel like your wife's

supposed to be able to read your mind?

>> Like, you know, like it's it's

interesting. I think often times we're

fixated on thinking that our wife is

thinking that we should be able to read

her mind. But here's the truth of the

matter. We often will flip it and we

find ourselves in a place where I think

we're thinking why can't she read ours?

But that doesn't get discussed as much.

You recognize that? Uh you know 1 Peter

chapter 3:7 would say um husbands live

with your wives in an understanding way.

Which by the way that word understanding

can also uh be be translated as have

have studied her like have you studied

her? Do you know what makes her excited?

Do you know what doesn't make her

excited? Do you know what drains life

from her? Do you know what brings her

life? Have you studied her in a way to

where she feels like you know her and

you can prioritize and value her? How is

that going for you? Because the truth of

the matter is that often times uh we

recognize that things are a whole lot

different today uh than they were back

in the day. Have you noticed that? Uh

unexpressed value is worthless.

Unexpressed value is worthless. If I

were to go around the room right now and

say, "Hey, um do you think do you think

your wife is beautiful? I I think

everybody in here would be like, "Yeah,

of course I think my wife's beautiful.

Duh." And I'd be like, "That's that's

great. How long have you guys been

married?" "23 years." It's like, "Great.

Um she do you think she's wondered that

over the course of the past 23 years if

you think that she's beautiful?" They

like, "Well, I married her. Of course I

think she's beautiful. Wouldn't marry

her if I didn't think she's beautiful?

I'm going to put a roof over her head

like care for her." I'm like, "Uh,

Romeo, skunks do that." Like, uh, that's

not that's not a high bar.

Like, so we're gonna have to elevate the

bar. Isn't it funny, guys? is like how

when we're we're dating like the person

you're married to right now, you're

dating and it's like you're pulling out

all the stops. I I mean it's like but

soft what light through yonder window

breaks and then it becomes honey did you

get that code? CAN YOU TEXT ME THAT

CODE? WHAT THE CODE? I CAN'T GET ON TO

NETFLIX. WHERE'S THE CODE? LIKE AND

YOU'RE just like

and your wife's probably going, "Yeah,

this

there's a disconnect between the altar

and here. I don't what what's going on?

What's going on?"

And so, can I just say, um, study her,

write her a note,

be specific,

tell her how you find her attractive.

Tell her what it is that you appreciate

about her. Watch things change. And

ladies, help him understand

what those things are, that there's good

work that can be done there. And so, we

see that the man will continue and say,

uh, we will make gold jewelry for you

accented with silver. Uh, which is

interesting because, uh, this man is a

king. And we see that as king, he's

taking time to like do jewelry and

stuff.

And I realized if you're like me, I'm

getting to this point. Even as I was

writing this, I was like, "All right,

this is too much. This is too much. All

right. Like I got a job. Like I got

stuff I got to do. Listen, I get it. Not

in like a go me way. Like I I I got a

six day work week. I get it. This is a

lot. Like how do you get all this stuff

done? I don't get it. But here's what I

would say in a sentence for us to take

away in the way that we're thinking

about prioritizing and val valuing our

wives is this. Make sure make sure that

you are not giving your calendar a

higher priority than your marriage

covenant.

Do not be someone who settles for a full

calendar while your wife is starving for

your attention.

She recognizes here he's kind. He's got

character. And so we see that we'll move

on. You look at verse 12. And this is

the third thing we need to be aware of

that men of God are emotionally and

physically intimate with their wife.

Emotionally and physically intimate.

Song of Songs 1:12.

Song of Solomon 1:12

We see that the woman would say, "While

the king is on his couch, my perfume

releases its fragrance." Which is her

saying that I've got a strong sexual

desire for this man. Uh she's talking

about uh it says the king on his couch.

That word could also be translated as

like table or room or realm. And so what

she's really saying is uh she's at this

guy's house. She's at this guy's place

and she loves being with this man. It

says that her perfume or your

translation might say nard releases its

fragrance. And that uh was a plant. It

was an expensive extracted plant from

India from the Himalayan mountain range

and it was often thought of to be an

aphrodesiac. And so she's saying, "Hey,

I feel comfortable being alone with this

man. He's got character. He's got a

reputation. It's a good one. I find

myself in a place where I feel

prioritized and valued by him." And

she's like, "I feel emotionally

connected to this man. I want to be

physically intimate." And now we see

that in verse 13, the woman will say,

"The one I love is a sache of my to me

spending the night between my breasts."

which you know

you know like um

so

yeah like you know

it can seem like we've moved from

emotional to physical and we're

certainly going that way. Uh but I I

think we need to understand um she says

the one I love in Hebrew that word is

beloved which is weird because it can be

translated and is often translated as uh

uncle

which is

which for most of us in the room I think

we're like uh uncle that's weird gross

in the context of this and then there's

a portion of us that are like roll tide

and so I think like what we need to

to each his own. you know, any Bama fans

in here like uh you know, so

anyway, um

what she's saying is, um

you feel like family to me. Like I'm

comfortable with you in a way to where

it's like, hey, everyone else in the

world exists, but you're my person. You

feel like family. And so he's available

on an emotional level that's leading to

some physical things. And so she desires

nearness with him, but it's not uh it's

it's obviously got an erotic undertone,

but it's more tender than that, right?

Uh and so we see in verse 14 that the

woman would say, "The one that I love is

a cluster of henna blossoms to me in the

vineyards of Engeti, which is painting

this really vivid picture. And Getty uh

is an oasis on the western shore of the

Dead Sea, which if if you've ever been

there, maybe you've seen it. Uh it's

it's beautiful, though. you'll see that

uh the Dead Sea uh is this really aid,

dry desert climate. Uh and so it's got a

lot of intense heat, salt water, and yet

in Getty uh is a completely different

thing that's right there on the shore of

the Dead Sea. It doesn't make any sense.

It's in the same climate and yet it's

got springs and water flaws, waterfalls,

and it's uh it's got an oasis, and it's

got uh caves and cliffs and lush

vegetation and greenery. It's this

beautiful area.

And what's interesting

is that despite the fact that this is an

area that is in this climate that really

shouldn't have any life attached to it,

it's thriving. It's interesting. David,

when he's on the run from Saul, he'll

often go to Engeti and he'll spend time

in the caves and that's where he'll find

nourishment and rest. And so, let me

just ask you husbands, how are you

providing Enghetti for your wife?

The Dead Sea is dead because it's not

compatible with life. there's too much

salt in the water. So, there's no fish,

there's no plants. And yet, what we see

is that it's even terminal, that it's

got very few flowing rivers into it, and

it's got none that flow out of it. And

yet, Engeti is right there thriving in

the midst of this chaotic climate. And

so, my question for us is, how are we

allowing there to be nourishment and

rest for our wives in the chaos of this

world? Right? I think what we also need

to recognize is there's a moment where

King David will be deep in a cave with

his men. And we see that King Saul when

he's looking for him, trying to hunt him

and kill him. Scripture says he'll go to

uh relieve himself in the cave. And at

the behest of his men, David is fighting

the temptation to just go ahead and kill

Saul while he's standing right there.

But instead, he cuts off a bit of his

robe and he shows Saul, "I could have

killed you, but I didn't." What I'm

trying to say to you is that we see that

King David is a man of restraint, men.

Are you a man of restraint

in your desires, in your emotions? What

does that look like for you? Do you have

restraint? Do you provide nourishment

and care for your wife in the midst of

the chaos of this life? We see here in

verse 15 that the man will say, "How

beautiful you are, my darling. How very

beautiful. Your eyes are like doves."

which can feel like he's over

metaphoring this girl that he's like,

"Your face is like a horse. Your eyes

are like doves. This isn't going well."

Uh that uh but really what he's saying

is that there's a gentleness to your

beauty. You're beautiful in a gentle

way. And what I love about it is that

really whenever you see woman described,

often times woman will be described in

the scriptures as uh with isair, which

is a word that means helper or conno,

which can be translated in multiple

different ways. Uh but one of the things

that it means is face to face. And so

when God made woman for man, we see that

he brought him a helper, an equal, and

they're face to face. And I say that

because I think there are really

multiple different kinds of marriages

that exist when I talk to people.

There's backtoback, side to side, and

face to face. Uh there there's

backtoback.

You barely acknowledge each other.

You're you're more enemies than friends.

You're almost kind of strangers. Like

you you're miserable with each other.

There's some of us that are side to side

and you function more like a business

operation doing it for the kids

financially works well. You're you're

married filing jointly but you're living

independently. Uh there are some of us

that are the living out God's desire for

marriage which is that we would be face

to face that you're not just sexual

playmates your relational equals that

you're lovers and friends that God

brought you together in a divine way for

a divine purpose to see Jesus name and

fame continue to go all throughout the

earth. What does your marriage look

like? And so we see that the woman will

say how handsome you are my love. How

delightful our bed is verdant. The beams

of the house are cedars. are rafters or

cypresses. She's saying this man is

responsible. He knows how to provide.

He's secure. And I say that, notice I

didn't say this man is loaded and has

millions and doesn't have any issue.

Like like she she's just commenting on

the fact that uh hey, he's got stuff

taken care of. He's responsible. Uh so

let me just say uh to you single guys,

if if you want to get ahead, if if you

want to be ahead of pretty much everyone

else, pick a career. Work harder than

everybody else. does complain less than

everybody else, does answer your phone

and be on time. You'll be ahead of

pretty much everybody else in that way.

And and so we see that she's saying he

does these things. He's a responsible

guy. The final thing here that a man of

God does is that he's fixated and

focused on his wife and woman alone.

Song of Songs chapter 2 verse 1 and two.

Song of Solomon 2:1

The woman and the man have a little bit

of a banter here. She says, "I am a wild

flower of Sharon, a lily of the

valleys." And then he says, "Like a lily

among thorns, so is my darling among

young women." Uh, she's being humble in

the way that she's addressing herself.

She says, "I'm beautiful. I know that I

am." And she says, "I'm a wild flower.

Wildflower of Sharon," which is a region

where it wasn't just like there'd be a

singular wild flower, but there would be

many on the shore of the Mediterranean.

And so she's saying, "I I'm beautiful.

I'm attractive." But she kind of takes a

humble dig almost at herself and she

says, "But I'm I'm common." And he says,

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." He says,

"Do not call yourself attractive and

beautiful and common." He He says, 'If

you think that you're a lily among all

of the other liies or a wild flower like

all of these other wild flowers, he

says, "No, no, no. If you're a lily and

you think everyone else is a lily, no,

no, no. You're a lily to me among the

thorns. Everyone else is a thorn."

He He's making sure that she knows like

I don't think that you you need to

understand like you're not common.

You're my crown.

You put a crown on a man's head, he's a

king. Take a crown off a king's head,

he's just a man. He says, "You are a

significant piece of making me who I am.

Who would I be without you?"

He's fixated and focused on his wife and

woman. And guys,

are you

are you?

You know what I'm talking about.

How are those business trips going?

You being clean.

You know what I'm talking about.

Where [music] you at with porn?

Can your wife trust you?

when you're not with her.

You know, when you're on that trip and

you see that woman that

has been lingering at the bar a little

long

and you go down, you just have another.

You're seeing double and feeling single

and you're not.

Are you fixated

and focused on your wife and woman?

You got to stop entertaining other

women. You got to stop.

I mean it. You got to stop.

You need to confess it. Repent [music]

of it. Change it.

Let me help you understand something

else.

You ain't finding rescue in her arms.

It's not happening.

You're just not [music] close enough.

Stop.

Woman says, "Like an apricot tree among

the trees of the forest, so is my love

among the young men. I delight to sit in

his shade and his fruit is sweet to my

taste. He brought me to the banquet hall

and he looked on me or had a banner over

me with love. Trees [music] provide

multiple things. Provision and

protection, fruit and shade.

And she says, "Here, I'm safe with you

physically, [music] emotionally,

morally.

He looked on me with love." She says,

"He's a banner over me, like a military

banner.

He's got me covered.

And he's made a declaration [music] of

love for her."

She says, "Sustain me with raisins.

Refresh me with apricots. I'm loves

sick." She's swoon with his character.

And she desires him. Raisins were

[music] aphrodesiacs to the ancients as

well. And so she's like, "I want this

man." She says, "May his left [music]

hand be under my head and his right arm

embrace me." Which is definitely sexual.

But commentators are

thinking that [music] she's

thinking back to the first time

and she's grateful for this man who

keeps her safe. She says, "Young women

of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazels

and the wild doze of the field. Do not

stir up or awake in love until the

appropriate time,"

which we'll get into more over the next

several weeks.

Um,

man, you got an option. I got an option.

You're being formed by something.

Someone, some things, someone's. Who's

forming you?

Who's forming you?

Cuz

I want to look like the Lord Jesus

Christ. Knowing about you.

got an opportunity before you though

to come fall down, confess, talk to

somebody if you feel like you're

struggling,

failing in certain areas.

Be a man of good character and

reputation.

Prioritize and value your wife.

Make sure

that we're people that are emotionally

and physically intimate,

that we're fixated and focused on her

and her alone.

There's a lot there,

but I think we should be a people that

fall on our faces, men, and lead the way

in repentance of where we're falling

short.

Get honest with our wives. Ask her

questions about where it is that we can

be better.

and wives, this would be a great time

for you to just [music] pray either with

your hand on your husband,

next to his side if he comes down over

him, whatever that looks like. But I

want to pray for us.

We'll continue together. Lord, we're um

grateful for the men in this church, and

this house,

Lord, we want to look more like you.

And [music] Lord, we all got work to do.

We do.

But Lord, would we be men

that lead the way

in our homes by submitting to you and

your rule and reign over our lives?

Lord, we love you. We praise you. Aces

and cheese.