SEX | LUKE LEZON

All right. All right. Welcome to Key

Church, everybody. How's everyone

feeling? We doing all right?

It is great to see you and to be here

with you all this morning. I am so

grateful that we are gathered together

in this house. And I'm grateful because

today we are continuing in our

collection of conversations that we've

been in over the course of the past

several weeks that we have been calling

divine desire. And divine desire is a

collection. It's a discussion where we

are living in and we are learning from

the Song of Songs and we're addressing

some relatively controversial things

like dating, marriage, sex, and romance.

And we've come to recognize that we are

facing substantial relational struggle.

But the good news is we have a

scriptural solution. We are living in

this cultural climate right now.

regardless of your age or even your

relational stage, we see that people are

longing for committed love and at the

same time losing their confidence in

their ability to find it, have it, and

keep it. And so, I just want to recap

where it is that we are. We have been in

this collection uh for quite some time

now. And so, I want to just go ahead and

recap uh how it is that we got to where

we are. And again, if you are a YouTube

person or a podcast person, whatever

kind of person you are, uh please make

sure that you have listened to these all

the way through. Otherwise, you're going

to be like other people on the internet

that think I'm just singling people out

and they just get mad at you about that.

And so, uh, just so we're clear though,

we have addressed up to this point how

to be a man of God and how to be a woman

of God in a relational context. And I

think, uh, we did a solid job of being

fair in the way that we challenged and

encouraged both. Thoughts on that?

>> Okay, good. That's good to hear. That

was the only correct answer. Uh, and

then from there, uh, we ended up talking

about how not to date and then how to

date, how it is that you pursue someone

with purpose. Pastor Mike ended up

walking us through singleness and what

that looks like and how the scriptures

speak to that. And then last week as a

church, we ended up attending this

couple that we've been following along

their relational journey. We ended up

attending their wedding. And so now

today, what we're going to do is we are

going to go ahead and skip the reception

and all that goes with that and we are

going straight to wedding night where we

are talking about sex.

>> All right,

masculine applause. Uh it's great. Uh

someone asked me, they're like, "Did you

plan to talk about sex the day after

Valentine's Day?" And I was like, "No,

but now you've got me thinking things I

shouldn't." And so I uh it was

unplanned. Uh but let me just say I

think this is a very very very important

conversation for us to have and might I

add particularly in the church cuz can

we just go ahead and acknowledge we are

living in this unbelievably interesting

cultural sexual climate right now where

we see that the modern-day sexual ethic

is kind of this it's this contradiction

where sex is nothing and at the same

time it's everything. It's of no

consequence and yet it can bring you

your ultimate significance. That that

sex is where you can find freedom. It's

where you can be identified. It's where

you find power and meaning. And yet at

the same time, it it's just casual. It's

just physical. There's no strings

attached. Why do we care so much? It's

not that big of a deal. It's just sex.

And I think in that we can see that the

world and that culture are kind of

speaking out of both sides of their

mouth where it seems to say that sex can

carry the weightiness of your entire

meaning. And at the same time, you can

treat it as if it's meaningless. And as

a result, we see that when people are

looking at their love life and their sex

life, they feel the devastation of

looking at it and saying, "I think we

have less than what we've seen

previously. There's got to be a better

way than this." Uh, it's interesting.

Christine Emba is a senior fellow at the

American Enterprise Institute and she

ended up uh writing a book and her focus

is on gender and sexuality. And in her

book, Rethinking Sex, she made this

argument. She said, "Sexual liberation

and a consentonly ethic have not

delivered happiness or meaningful

connection. Consent is a necessary

floor, but it's a terrible ceiling. It

doesn't guarantee connection, respect,

or mutual flourishing." Luis Perry, who

wrote an unbelievable book that uh I

would just go ahead and tell you has

some pretty intense language within it.

She's a former atheist and feminist and

in her book the case against the sexual

revolution she ended up saying this

quote sexual revolution has not

liberated equally. Women bear the

psychological and the physical burden of

sex while being told this is liberation

for you. Interestingly, Louise Perry

after she ended up writing this book

became a Christian because she started

to recognize that the sexual ethic that

comes with being a Christian and

following the risen Lord Jesus Christ is

really the only way where she

understands that there could be any kind

of mutual flourishing. Not for not just

for men and satisfaction, but for women

and satisfaction and the mutual

flourishing of families and homes that

can build good societies that can carry

out what it looks like to be salt and

light and transform a world and a

nation. And so we see that there are a

lot of things that could be said here.

And I'll just go ahead and acknowledge.

I think most of us that are in the room

probably agree on the moral sexual

framework that God has laid out, which

is between one man and one woman within

the covenant of marriage. But because

most of us agree on that, I think that

there's a whole handful of us that

probably honestly have some other things

that we're struggling with as it relates

to sex in our relationship and hopefully

in our marriage. And so it could be that

you're not struggling with the moral

framework that God lays out in

scripture, but more so it could be that

you are struggling with the reality that

you don't feel some kind of crazy sexual

sin in your life or your marriage. Maybe

you do and there's space for you here.

But it could be that you feel like in

your marriage you're dealing with sexual

silence or or exhaustion and struggling

to communicate. How do I talk about

things that I need or desire? What does

that look like? It could be for you that

it's not that. It's that you feel like

you were gifted with kids and things

shifted with kids at the same time and

so that's been a whole deal. Uh it could

be that honestly it feels more like an

obligation than a desire and that's not

the way that it used to be and you don't

know how it got there or that you have

differing sexual drives which you know

hypothetically speaking I I guess that

could potentially be a thing. I don't

know. And so like I and so you could be

dealing with that or that quite honestly

you're dealing with some level of shame.

Uh that most things associated with sex

are shameful for people in a way that

they kind of carry it for a long time

even into their marriages. Or maybe they

just don't know how to talk about it

because it feels so taboo to even bring

it up. It's even weird for you to hear

someone like me stand up here and say

the word sex. And so you're like ah like

what do we do with that? I feel so much

shame. It could be that you're later on

in your life in your marriage and

there's a whole different set of

complications that come with sex

whenever you're navigating that. There

could be a million different things. Let

me be clear on something. Uh there are a

lot of us that when you bring up the

topic of sex, you're probably hoping on

high that we talk about this or that or

this or that. Uh and the context of

where we are in this passage is that

this is a couple that we've been

following that are helping us navigate

our our marriages and our love life. And

at the same time, we see that they are

going to have sex on their wedding night

for the very first time. That's the

context of what we're walking into. So,

this is not going to be everything that

you hope there would ever be discussed

on the topic. Maybe at some point, uh,

we'll do some kind of collection that is

on sex specifically, and we'll talk

about all of the different things. Uh,

and I think that could be good and

helpful on some level. But for today,

know that we care deeply about every

single person in here. your

relationship, whether you're single or

dating, getting to a healthy marriage,

having a healthy marriage, having a

healthy sex life in your marriage, and

feeling like there is mutual flourishing

to where your family is strong and you

are seeing that there's beauty in the

way that God designed things. Let me

acknowledge this too before we jump in.

It's simply this. Most of us that are in

this room, statistically speaking, feel

like this can feel like a fairy tale

almost. And there's a lot of

complications with this couple that

we'll see not just uh uh tomorrow or

next week but in in in future uh weeks

as well. I'll address some things that

we see that are problematic with this

couple. But I think we need to

understand most of us our sexual

experience where we entered into any

kind of relationship or understanding of

sex. It wasn't like, man, the first time

I ever saw someone naked was on my

wedding night. That's the first time I

had sex. And we just did. Probably not.

Probably not. I'm not going to do a show

of hands or anything like that, but

let's just go ahead and agree. Probably

not.

There are some of you that grew up in

youth group and you're like, "I did it

right. I Well, congrats. Uh, like, you

know, we get it. Like, yeah, I'm closer

to God. No, you're not. Like, um, like,

we hear you. We get it. Okay. Uh, and

so, I think for for some of us, we just

need to know there's a lot of pain,

right? Uh, but the Lord's a redeemer.

We either believe that or we don't. And

so, while we're given a right way to

navigate this, that doesn't mean that

they do everything right. It doesn't

mean that everything about you is wrong,

but that there are good and healthy

things that we can gather here that can

encourage and challenge us as we

navigate life, love, marriage, and sex

in our relationship. So, does that sound

good?

>> Song of Songs, chapter 4, verse one.

Song of Solomon 4 · chapter mention

Song of Songs, chapter 4, verse one. Let

Song of Solomon 4 · chapter mention

me say something uh as we jump into

this. This is in your Bible. Did you

hear what I said?

Did you hear what I said? cuz some of

y'all want to email me and be like, "I

can't believe you," then go somewhere

else because we're going to talk about

what the Bible says. Okay? Uh so, uh

this is in your Bible. So, before you're

like, "Oo, like, yeah, it's it's right

here." And some of y'all are like

laughing and you're like, "I get it."

And and just, you know, over the course

of the next minute, remember that you

felt that way, okay? Uh because this is

what it says. Song of Songs, chapter 4,

Song of Solomon 4 · chapter mention

verse one. The man speaks here and he

says this.

How beautiful you are, my darling. How

very beautiful. Behind your veil, your

eyes are doves. Your hair is like a

flock of goats streaming down Mount

Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of

newly shorn sheep coming up from

washing, each one bearing twins, and

none has lost its young. Your lips are

like a scarlet cord, and your mouth is

lovely. Behind your veil, your brow is

like a slice of pomegranate. Your neck

is like the tower of David constructed

in layers. A thousand shields are hung

on it. All of them shields of warriors.

Your breasts are like two fawns, twins

of gazelle that feed among the liies.

Until the day breaks and the shadows

flee, I will make my way to the mountain

of myrr and the hill of frankincense.

You're absolutely beautiful, my darling.

There is no imperfection in you. Come

with me from Lebanon, my bride. Come

with me from Lebanon. Descend from the

peak of Ammon and from the summit of

Senir and Herman. From the dens of lions

and from the mountains of leopards, you

have captured my heart, my sister, my

bride. You've captured my heart with one

glance of your eyes, with one jewel of

your necklace. How delightful your

caresses are, my sister, my bride. Your

caresses are much better than wine, and

the fragrance of your perfume than any

balsom. Your lips drip sweetness like

the honeycomb, my bride. Honey and milk

are under your tongue. The fragrance of

your garments is like the fragrance of

Lebanon. My sister, my bride, you are a

locked garden, a locked garden and a

sealed spring. Your branches are a

paradise of pomegranates with choicest

fruits, henna with nard, nard and

saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all

the trees of frankincense, myrrh and

alows with all the best spices. You are

a garden spring, a well of flowing water

streaming from Lebanon. To which the

woman says, "Awaken north wind, come

south wind, blow on my garden and spread

the fragrance of its spices. Let my love

come to his garden and eat its choicest

fruits." And the man says, "I have come

to my garden, my sister my bride. I

gather myrrh with my spices. I eat my

honeycomb with my honey. I drink my wine

with my milk. To which a narrator says,

"Eat friends, drink be intoxicated with

caresses." Woo, baby. Let's pray. Uh

o

man

in church, God. Uh

Lord, thank you. Um

God, I thank you that you didn't just

design us and then say good luck with

that. Uh but rather Lord, um you care

enough to know that um we live in a

fallen world

and we

as a result can treat good gifts in a

way that you never intended.

Lord, we can try to imagine that our

thoughts and our ways are higher than

yours. And Lord, I think we're looking

at the world and we're seeing the way

that it operates and acknowledging that

actually something's wrong. Something's

wrong. And so Lord, I know that there's

a lot of quite honestly shame is the

word that comes to mind, Lord, that

exists in the room when it comes to this

topic specifically. And God, I pray that

you would liberate people in a way to

where they recognize the depths of the

brokenness of what it is that they've

dealt with or are dealing with, but that

there is a better life in you. Lord, I

just keep coming back to that scripture

that says, "But grace, that grace

abounds." And Lord, would we see that

grace on display in the lives and in the

marriages of our people here today to

the glory of Jesus' name? Lord, we love

you. We praise you. We ask this in Jesus

name. Amen.

We have any dog people in here? Any dog

people? All right. Any cat people? Exits

are that way. Uh, and so let me just

say, hey, we're big dog people in the

Lison household. All right. Uh, and I'll

go ahead and acknowledge like, uh, we're

not like, oh, like, yeah, we like dogs.

Dogs are cool. We're we're like, no,

like part of the family. Uh, like

sending studies to my wife. Did you know

that dogs that sleep on the bed with you

live four years longer? Have we thought

about that? You know, like we are dog

people. I'll tell you like I am to the

point where honestly uh someone could be

hanging off of a cliff and if my dog

were hanging off the cliff as well, my

question very quickly would be like, "Do

you know the Lord?" Then go and be with

them. Come on, puppy. Like that's the

way that I feel. I'm not saying it's

right. I'm just saying it's the facts.

This is me confessing sin to you. All

right. I've got my issues. And so I'll

tell you, we are obsessed with our

English bulldog whose name is Knox. I

think we have a photo of Knox here. Uh

we love him. He is a part of our family.

Uh, and I think you need to understand

like he is so a part of our family that

I was talking with my oldest son, Judah,

the other day and he said to me, "Dad,

what's your favorite animal?" And I was

like, "A lion. What's your favorite

animal?" And he was like, "A

rhinoceros." And I was like, "All

right." Uh, and he said, "Hey, what what

what's mommy's favorite animal?" And

Knox was kind of right there with us.

And I was like, "Oh, like Noox. Like

mommy loves dogs. That's that's her

favorite animal." And Judah goes, "No,

Dad. Knox isn't an animal. He's a part

of our family. And I was like,

I'm going to go light myself on fire.

I'll be right back. You know, like I'll

just I'm just like, I can't live after

this. This is terrible. He's like, why

are you crying, Dad? I'm like, I don't

know. I don't know. Uh, you know, uh I

can be walking out of the house and I'll

be like, "See you kids. Peace out,

Lind." And Knox will run up to me and

he's like wagging his butt and I'll be

like, "Okay,

like gez." I mean, like it's just the

way it is. love this dog. Uh, and I'll

tell you, before Lindsay and I lived in

Orlando years and years ago, we were

living uh in the Atlanta, Georgia area,

and we lived in these loft apartments

that were really cool. But one of the

reasons that we chose to live there is

because it was very dog friendly, and

they had these unbelievable fenced in

areas all around the property that were

like puppy paradise. And so, we were

like, "This is where we've got to be."

And as we were living in this area, I

came to find out that there was a rule

on the apartment campus property, which

is that you must keep your dog on a

leash until you got to that fenced in

area because quite honestly to give them

that kind of freedom could be something

they end up getting hurt with. The fact

of the matter is there were a lot of

dogs that were on this property. And not

only were there a lot of dogs, but also

there were parking lots and cars flying

around. So your dog could end up getting

bit by another dog. It could get hit by

a car. Uh, in our dog's case, he's not

the brightest bulb in the box and so

he'd easily get lost. And so the way

that it worked is we would have to do

something really odd. We would have to

keep our dog on a leash, have him right

next to us in the safety of our care and

bring him to puppy Eden where there were

doggy poop bags, doggy treats, doggy

toys, mulch that your dog could

comfortably eat and throw up and not die

with. And so we see that we would bring

him into this area and we would let him

off the leash in Puppy Eden and then he

could go insane.

And with his particular breed, it wasn't

all that much of an experience. Anything

athletic is difficult for him, but he

had the best time.

And then we would walk out of there and

he would be excited that he got all of

his mini zooms out. Now, I'm saying this

to you because it's funny. That's very

backward from the way that we tend to

think about freedom and the way that we

can utilize the gift of freedom that we

have in our current cultural context.

You notice that freedom was not found

outside the fence. In fact, freedom

outside the fence was fatal. The truest

form of freedom that would allow for his

fun and his flourishing was found inside

of the fence. And we are being sold an

opposing message out there in the world

today that you can use your freedom and

the freedom that you feel like you have

sexually to sleep with whoever,

whatever, in whatever context. It

doesn't really matter that much. And I'm

here to tell you that God has a better

way. And I think for many of us, we

think, well, you know, God has always

been presented to us kind of like a

cosmic killjoy when it comes to your

love life and certainly your sex life.

And I'm here to tell you God is super

duper unbelievably beyond a shadow of a

doubt proex

in the right setting. In the right

setting. And I think we even see that

from like the beginning of creation. I

mean Genesis 1 28. We see that dating

was a lot easier back in the day. God

made Adam and he's there naked. And what

he did is he made Eve and escorted Eve

and said you should be with him. And

Adam was like that'll do. And we see

that from that moment they had one

command. God said, "Be fruitful.

Multiply. Fill the earth. Subdue it."

What is he saying? Go have sex.

Now, there are some of you that are

probably in here and you're like, "Well,

Luke, I mean, honestly, like that's not

really it's not sex that is fun sex.

It's really actually sex that is just a

means to a reproductive end." And so God

is not saying the way okay, okay,

Einstein, no fun. Um, but I'll play your

silly game. Uh, Proverbs 5 verse 18 and

Proverbs 5:18

19. Uh again uh just this is this is in

your Bible.

Are we are we hearing me? This is in the

word of God. This is not Luke's

thoughts. This is in the word of God.

Proverbs 5 18 and 19 says, "Let your

fountain be blessed. Take pleasure in

the wife of your youth, a loving deer, a

graceful dough. Let her breasts always

satisfy you. Be lost in her love

forever.

So, I think a lot of men just found

their life verse

and I come back next week and be like,

"Man, what is on these guys' arms? I got

Proverbs 5:18 tattooed on me, man."

Proverbs 5:18

Like, you know, let's just just want the

word of God with me wherever I go. Like,

you know,

can I give you an anatomy lesson?

Enjoying the breasts of the wife of your

youth is not furthering the species.

It's just fun.

And so we see that God cares about you

having fun when it comes to sex. It is

so you can have joy. And I don't think

we associate joy with sex very much. But

does that mean that we can be flippant

with it? No. Proverbs chapter 5. If you

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

go to the beginning of that same chapter

that many of you are going to have

tattooed on you, you see that it's this

father going off on this diet tribe of

fatherly wisdom. And in verses 1-4, he

is admonishing his son who has just

taken on a wife. He's saying, "Avoid

seduction. It will bring devastation.

Enjoy the wife of your youth." He says,

"Why, my son, would you lose yourself

with a forbidden woman or embrace a

weward woman? For a man's ways are

before the Lord's eyes and he considers

his paths. We see that he says a

forbidden woman, a weward woman. What is

he saying there? That word could mean

quite literally stranger, alien,

somebody outside of your orbit. No, no,

no. Enjoy the wife of your youth in the

context in the covenant of marriage.

Don't go outside of it. That this is for

your enjoyment. I have brought you two

together and you can enjoy this gift

here. And you see that the father would

end up ending Proverbs chapter 5 and:es

Proverbs 5 · chapter mention

22 and 23 with a warning. He says, "A

man's iniquities trap him.

He'll become entangled in the ropes of

his sin. He'll die because there is no

discipline and lost because of his great

stupidity."

Listen, in marriage, sex can be

experienced and enjoyed and should be.

Now, here's the fact of the matter is

that outside the covenant of marriage,

sex can be experienced and to some

degree enjoyed. But the thing that we

don't talk about is that it will

entangle. Is that enjoyment minus

commitment leads to entanglement. And

you're seeing that devastation all over

the place. And you know how I know?

Because I will talk to people whether

they are not married or they are married

and they're entertaining people that

they shouldn't be entertaining outside

the covenant of marriage. You see that

they feel like they're skipping through

a minefield of insecurity and jealousy.

And they're like, "Who you talking to?

What are you looking at on your phone?

Who's that? Who who who's on? Are you

DMing someone? What's going on? Like,

oh, whose number is that? I see that you

don't have it saved. Like, and you just

find yourself dealing with all of these

things. It creates this PTSD where

you're going, "Wait a minute. Wait a

minute. Wait a minute. I am giving all

of who I am and all of what I have my

very body to you. And I don't know if

there's a commitment that is

reciprocated in that kind of a way

outside of a physical way." And so, I'm

struggling because I'm recognizing

enjoyment minus commitment leads to

entanglement. It it's best said like

this. Sex is like fire. In a fireplace,

it brings light and warmth to the home,

but outside that fireplace, it'll burn

the home down and bring devastation. And

God wants you to enjoy it in the way

that it was designed to be enjoyed. That

sex is a gift. And so, we see he's

serious about the setting. And we see

that this couple has now navigated all

of the difficulties of attraction and

pursuit. They've committed to one

another. They've gone through their

vows. They are married. And we see that

they enter into this moment here in

chapter 4:1. And it's kind of

interesting. I cannot make theological

sense of this, but the woman has been

talking a lot up to this point. And now

the man has a lot to say, which is kind

of weird. And we see here that the man

will start and it'll say, "How beautiful

you are, my darling. How very

beautiful." Which uh I I love the CSV

translation, but I feel like uh it's

leaving something here that I would love

to see that you see in other

translations like the ESV. And it

doesn't change the meaning or anything

like that, but there's something

beautiful about the word behold. I love

the way that you see in things like the

ESV, it'll say, "Behold, you are

beautiful, my love. Behold, you are

beautiful." Uh, behold in the original

language is the word ha. Uh, and it

quite literally means to express strong

desire. It could even mean surprise.

It's the equivalent of saying, "Wow."

Wow. And what I love is that you see

that after this couple has found

themselves committing, they've gone

through their wedding, they've gone

through the chaos of dealing with

everybody and saying hi to everyone and

all the things, we see that now they get

to this room and they're together for

the very first time in this setting. And

do you notice that the first thing that

this groom says to his bride is, "Wow,

you're beautiful." Notice what he

doesn't do. He doesn't find himself

tearing into the room naked like she's

the ring and he's Gollum. like like he

doesn't do that.

He's like, "You're beautiful. You're

gorgeous." And he says, "How beautiful

you are, my darling. How very beautiful.

Behind your veil, your eyes are doves.

Your hair is like a flock of goats

streaming down Mount Gilead." I think we

realize that when my man doesn't know

what to say, he's like, "An animal

metaphor should do it." And we see that

he says that your eyes are doves. Uh,

and the idea here, uh, is that she still

has her veil on, and he's helping her

remove that, and he's looking into her

eyes, and he says that your eyes are

doves, which is to say there's a

gentleness to you, to your soul that I

can see in you. You see that he's called

her a dove before in previous chapters

that he said that she was like a dove

that was up there in the crevices of the

cliffs in the face of the rock. And the

idea there was that she's tender and

he's inviting her to be more vulnerable

with him. And so he extended that

invitation and and said, "Share more of

yourself with me." And now here in this

moment, particularly vulnerable, we see

that he's looking her in the eyes. And

he's saying, "Your eyes are doves." And

in that, what he's also saying is, "I

desire you." Not just what you can give

me in this moment, but I desire you. I

love the way that we could really talk

about the eye in really significant

ways. You think about Matthew 6:22.

Matthew 6:22

Jesus would say that your eye is the

lamp to the body. If your eye is

healthy, then your body will be full of

light. That there's something

significant about looking her in the

eyes here. But he continues the animal

metaphors and he says that your hair is

like a flock of goats, which is not

like, you know, you don't want to go

home and be like, "Baby, your hair looks

like goat fur or anything like that."

Uh, but what is he saying? He makes a

geographical reference. He he says that

your hair is like a flock of goats

streaming down Mount Gilead. Gilead

would be this iconically beautiful area

in this region. Uh and you see that

there would be these lush hills that

were particularly green surrounding the

Jabok River. And in that you see that

there would be flocks of goats that

would be grazing in that area. And so

he's saying that in the most beautiful

landscape that he can picture that her

hair is like that. Scripture would say

that a woman's hair is like a crown. And

always women would wear their hair up in

public. It would be considered

unbelievably sensuous to let your hair

down. But she's in the appropriate

setting to do it. She's letting her hair

down, taking off her veil, and we see

that he's saying, "Hey, your hair is

like the most beautiful landscape I can

imagine, and it makes everything else

look gorgeous. You are incredible." And

he says in verse two, "Your teeth are

like a flock of newly shorn sheep coming

up from washing. Each one bearing twins.

None has lost its young." When he says

that, he says, "Your teeth are like a

flock of newly shorn sheep." And he says

coming up from washing means that your

teeth are white. He he says that uh

they're bearing twins. It means that

they're straight. And then he says, "And

they haven't lost their young," which

means that they're there,

which means she's not from Athens,

Georgia. So that's great. Uh so love

that. Um

go balls, you know. Um,

listen

listen,

we can judge, but pre

orthodontics and dentistry, oh man, you

you know, you be with your friends, but

man, you got yourself a good one. She

got all her teeth. She's great. You

know, it's like bar was low back then.

It's like, does she smell decent and

have teeth? Baby, can't get enough of

her, right?

He says in verse three, "Your lips are

like a scarlet cord and your mouth is

lovely. Behind your veil, your brow is

like a slice of pomegranate." Your lips

are like a scarlet cord. He says, "Your

lips are red. There's a desiraability to

your lips." But then he goes on uh and

he says that your brow is like a slice

of pomegranate. And it's kind of like

what is what are we talking about here?

Uh and really um he's talking about her

her complexion. And he's saying that

there's like a dark orang-ish reddish uh

color to her skin. He he's saying that

probably that there's some youthfulness

to her. There's almost like a glow, but

also um he's probably and I think

commentators are uh right about this.

They're kind of split. But I I I love

how some commentators have noted she's

probably blushing on some level too to

be removing any kind of clothing in this

setting for the first time. Uh she's

never done this before and so she's

probably feeling a little bit insecure

about it. And yet at the same time, he's

making her feel safe. I think guys, do

we notice here um that we're multiple

verses in? We are not below the chin

yet.

He is not just like let's do this. He's

not doing that. He's going slow, making

sure that she feels safe. And we see

that he'll finally uh start going lower

than her face when he gets to verse four

and he talks about her neck. He says,

"Your neck is like the tower of David

constructed in layers. A thousand

shields are hung on it. All of them

shields of warriors." I think it's

interesting when he says, "Your neck is

like the tower of David." That would

have been uh an armed military arsenal

uh in the tower of David. would have

been a landmark in their region. In

times of peace, warriors would hang

their shields up in this armory. And so,

you see that he's likening her neck to

the Tower of David. It's a landmark.

There's something that's significant and

strong about that. But then also

probably she has necklaces on and he's

talking about the elegance of her neck

and the way that her jewelry sits upon

her neck. And you see that jewelry will

be mentioned later on in the same

chapter. And so you see that uh really

it's not just about that about the

physical aspect of her neck and that she

has jewelry on but also um your neck

would be something that was a

demonstration and a reflection uh really

of nobility and strong character. Uh in

the ancient world your neck was not just

a symbol but it could be a literal

representation of character. You think

about lowering your neck uh it can be a

sign of uh shame and humiliation. Uh,

and then straining your neck means that

you're stubborn. Uh, that that you're

difficult to get along with. You're

looking down your nose at people. And so

he's saying to her, "Your neck is like

the tower of David." He's saying, "Baby,

you carry yourself in a way that is

dignified. There's a humble confidence

to you. I love the way that you carry

yourself. It is a joy to be here with a

woman like you." And I think it's

interesting that in our current cultural

moment, I think we need to recognize the

way that we are talking about. you go

listen to songs right now and you're

just like sweet mercy. Uh but you you

know you you look at the way that he's

talking and you look at the way that we

often talk about each other when you're

talking about sex and it is vastly

different. Uh in Luis Perry's the case

against the sexual revolution. I think

she does a masterful job making a really

critical distinction between being

desired and being esteemed.

And we see here this man is not just

someone who desires this woman. He's

esteeming her in this moment of great

vulnerability for her. And so I I think

about this. He's not just He's not just

desired her, he's esteemed her. But I

think I would reframe it for us in this

way. I think we often tend to confuse

attraction and validation. We confuse

attraction and validation. And I think

right now we can recognize that in our

modern current sexual climate, the way

that we often end up finding ourselves

navigating this is we're kind of

learning, even teaching that attraction

is validation. That to be sexually

desired, makes us feel like maybe there

are people that are willing to be

devoted to me. That this is where I can

find significance. And I think much of

our struggle whether you are not married

or you are married is that the way that

we've been discipled on the conversation

of sex is that really pornography is our

university and hookup culture and ways

of engaging with people that are not our

spouse have given us jobs we are not

qualified for. And so we see that in

that there are many people you look

across the landscape of relationships in

our nation and you see that there are so

many people that are feeling like wait I

was desired but I'm not cared for

nobody's committed to me and in that we

can find ourselves realizing that there

is still a lot that we struggle with

that desire is cheap and to be valued is

expensive and so sex is not less than

desire but it's certainly more than that

it's desire with a marriage vow that

says, "I not only desire you on a

physical level, but I value you on all

levels, that you mean something to me

more than anyone else." And so we see

that he continually esteems her in that

way, right? And when you get to verse 5,

uh this is where many commentators

believe that we have moved from looking

to touching.

So,

some of some of you, it's so funny. Uh,

I shouldn't say this is something I

usually say to like the 11:45. I'll say

it to you guys, though. Uh, is that some

of you are in the lobby, you'll be like,

man, that was so and in here you're just

like, okay, interesting, interesting.

Thank you, pastor. And out there, you're

like, that was crazy. Like, you know,

it's just so funny how we interact with

this.

But this is what it says. Your breasts

are like tuons, twins of a gazelle that

feed among the liies. I'm not even going

to offer my thoughts on this.

I'm going to let commentators offer

their thoughts on this because I chuckle

to myself in my office and I probably

sound like a madman down the hallway. Uh

because commentators, you think about

all of these like incredibly like godly

individuals studying ancient Hebrew in

its context and you can just feel that

they're scared to write this out right

here. They're like, "Ah, get me out of

the Song of Songs." Uh, but this is what

two commentators had to say. Again,

don't shoot the messenger. This is what

they said. One commentator said this.

Moving down her body, he now focus upon

her breasts, objects of male erotic

interest. No further explanation is

needed.

And I was I was like,

that's probably the most well-rounded

commentary I've ever read. Uh,

and painfully honest. Another

said this, I I'm I'm just reading you

what they wrote. I'll send you it if you

want to see it. Like this is what

someone wrote. Okay.

Baby deer are soft and gentle.

Seeing baby deer will have one longing

to pet and play with them. He has

compared her breast to two fawns, saying

that he longs to caress her soft and

tender breasts. And I'm like, "Yeah, I

mean, like, I guess I guess that's where

my man's at right now." Now, here's

what's interesting, though. I do find

this interesting is that there's a way

that you approach deer, right? I don't

hunt. Look at me. But there's a way that

you approach deer.

It's like, we killed something. I'm

like, you know, um

if you see a deer in the wild, you don't

go like, you know, you don't do that.

I'm here. Come on over here. You don't

do that. but rather

soft, gentle, tender, slow. He's not

rushing this. He's not doing that. And

so, you see that he'll continue on and

he'll continue the esteem. In verses six

and seven, he says, "Until the day

breaks and the shadows flee, I will make

my way to the mountain of my hill of

frankincense. You're absolutely

beautiful, my darling. There is no

imperfection in you." Again, he says,

"Until the day breaks and the shadows

flee," which is Hebrew for all night

long. That's what he's saying.

And if you go and look up where is the

mountain of myrr in Israel, I can't find

it. You won't find it because he's

talking about her cleavage.

And it's again the reminder that there's

nothing wrong with enjoying the physical

aspect of sex in the covenant that it's

designed to be enjoyed within. And so we

see that he's talking about my he says

the mountain of my you go back to

chapter 1 and do you remember she was

wearing a sache of myrr between her

breasts. And so my man at this point is

saying, "I think the myrr and me should

trade places." What do you think about

that?

>> Preach. Preach. Yeah, my man. But

I mean, listen, everybody gets

Pentecostal when you're talking about

this stuff. The laying on of hands and

lots of tongues. That's the way this

goes. So,

I think we understand in this room, men

and women are wired different sexually.

And it's not just stereotypical, it's

biological. So, I I think you've

probably heard the phrase before uh that

men are microwaves and women are

crock-pots.

For some of you, apparently, this is

your first time hearing that. It's

great. So, welcome to church. Uh this is

all we talk about. Um, but

I mean listen, I mean guys know like you

could get a text from your wife and be

like, "Hey, what what you doing?" You

know, "What are you up to?" I mean,

you'd be in the middle of the haircut.

You'd be like, "Hey, man. Can we finish

the second half of this tomorrow? Uh, I

got to be somewhere. I got to go see

someone." Right? Uh, and and it's not

necessarily that quick. I mean, women

could be like, "Are you ready?" It's

like, "I was born ready." Like, I mean,

I there's nothing that we got to do to

get ready. I'm ready now. Okay. And

women, it's just like, you good? No.

Okay. All right. How about Nope. Okay.

Um,

okay. Like, and it's just like, "Hey, is

there something we need to talk about?"

She honestly, do you remember when you

yelled at me in the summer of 2018? You

never apologized for that. And I just

it's been on my mind. I just don't I

don't know. And it's like, let's let's

work through that if that's a barrier.

Like, and you're like, why are you

bringing this up? Because often times

men

will use sex for romance or will use

romance for sex and women uh will use

sex for romance. And I say that because

notice this man here is not saying we're

going at my speed. He's not saying I'm

the king. He doesn't lord authority over

her or anything like that. He's like,

"Come on, let's he he he's saying, "Hey,

I I'll wait for you. We don't have to

rush into this." And you go, "Well, how

do you know that?" Well, he he stops and

he he says, "Hey, you're beautiful.

There there's no imperfection in you."

And I love that he says that that

language would be commonly understood

language here uh particularly uh with

anyone that was living in their context

because you see that whenever you would

enter the temple, you needed to bring an

animal sacrifice, one without blemish,

with no imperfection. And so you see

that he's saying to her something that

was commonly understood in their culture

and in their language. And he's saying,

"Hey, likewise, there's no blemish or

imperfection in you." Now, let's ask the

question. Does she think that? No. Why?

Because she's a woman.

Someone said, "Amen. Is that a guy?"

Calm down. Like,

this we got to be careful. Uh, but we

know that she doesn't feel that way.

We're not speculating that. She said

earlier on in the Song of Songs, what

did she say? That I haven't been able to

keep my own vineyard because I've been

working on the family vineyard because

my mother's sons are all upset with me.

And so I'm having to do manual labor out

here under the sun and my skin uh is

rather dark as a result of it and kind

of and kind of not in the best kept

state. And so even the most secure,

confident women that I know have

insecurities about their bodies and men.

I love the way that he says to her. He

he makes sure that she has affirmation

of how she looks. Uh he he says, "Hey, I

I know that you don't think this

necessarily. I think this. You're my

standard of beauty. There's no flaw in

you, no blemish, no imperfection. I

don't just desire you. I value you.

Right? And so you see in verse eight, he

will say with her, "Come with me from

Lebanon, my bride, come with me from

Lebanon. Descend from the peak of

Ammona, from the summit of Sir and

Herman from the dens of lions and from

the mountains of leopards." He extends

an invitation here twice. You'll see he

says, "Come with me. Descend from Amana.

Um, and then Lebanon, Senir, Herman,

what what is that? northern regions and

high off places, high elevations. Uh,

and what he's saying is from the dens of

lions and from the mountains of

leopards, all of those things that could

keep you at any kind of a distance from

me in this moment, I want you to flee

those places. Uh, what I love is that we

see something really beautiful on

display here that incredible, good,

healthy sex is not about taking, but

taking care. It's a real sweet moment

here where he'll call this woman for the

first time. He says, "Bride, you're my

bride." He's also saying with that,

we're cleared for takeoff, if you know

what I mean. We are allowed to have sex

right here. And yet, he's not rushing

it. What does he say to her? He says, I

want to invite you to come away from any

of those places that are far off where

you could have anxieties and fears that

make you mentally outside of where we

are right now or feel like you can't

fully be in this moment. He's saying, I

don't want you to just be present with

me physically, but emotionally, I want

that for you and for us. What is it that

we need to do to alleviate any of those

things if you have them? We see that

good, incredible, healthy sex is not

just about consuming.

It's about belonging. I don't just want

to share my body with you. I want to

share a life together. Right? And here's

the thing is I'm I'm not making this up.

Uh we can look at secular statistics and

they will show us that this is actually

the truth. Uh the University of Chicago

performed a study to try to find out who

is the most sexually satisfied

demographic in the United States and it

was found that Christian women are the

most sexually fulfilled demographic in

America.

University of Chicago found that quote

wives of church-going husbands were more

likely to feel appreciated for their

work in and outside of the home and

report higher levels of sexual

satisfaction than any other female group

in America. Uh the National Health and

Social Life survey did a detailed

analysis of sexual behavior in America

and they found that 94% of people with

an intact marriage who worshiped weekly

together were quote the most likely to

report feeling wanted and needed during

intercourse. There are some guys in here

that are like honestly we have got to

get to church more often. This is a

serious issue if you think about it.

Another study that was published, the

Wheatley Institute found that quote

highly religious, which just means

churchgoing, couples report greater

emotional closeness and sexual

satisfaction and overall relationship

quality. They went on to say, quote,

"And all of these differences are not

small. That in highly religious couples,

wives are twice as likely as their

secular peers to say that they are

sexually satisfied in their

relationship. and husbands were four

times more likely to report being

sexually satisfied than those who did

not have any religious activity.

It's just the facts

that there's something about not just

consuming but belonging and recognizing

we want to do this well in the way that

we're honoring one another and the one

who designed us and created us in this

gift. And so you see in verse 9 that he

would go on and say, 'You have captured

my heart, my sister, my bride. You have

captured my heart with one glance of

your eyes, with one jewel of your

necklace. He says, "My sister, my

bride," which is really um it's really

just an affectionate term for saying

there's a relational closeness that

exists between us. And he says in that

relational closeness, uh that we're

we're family with one another. And he

says that you have captured my heart.

Uh, and I love that he says that because

in in Hebrew language that would have

been a little bit more familiar and it

was kind of like it's it's not

necessarily just captured my heart. It's

it's like you've you've captured the

very essence of who I am.

You you think about it and there's other

translations that will almost make it

anatomical where they say you make my

heartbeat faster. A colloquial

translation for us would be uh simply

you drive me crazy in the best way. And

and so I think it is interesting that

while we acknowledge that there's a

difference in the wirings uh sexually

with men and women, I think we also

recognize that there's something more

that could be said about that. Right?

The truth of the matter is that men are

visual and physical and we can laugh at

that and we understand that. But I think

another side of that is that while men

end up finding themselves awakened by

seeing and women find themselves

awakened by being seen, oftentimes on

the men's side of things specifically,

that can be overstated and overplayed.

Not because it's not true. It certainly

is true. But I think because we also

need to understand that this king in

this moment is absolutely stopped in his

tracks with what? A glance from his

wife.

One glance from his wife. One jewel on

her necklace. There is a power that his

wife has. There's unbelievable amounts

of research that we could talk about

that goes into the bonding between two

whenever you have sex with each other.

But I think what we also need to

recognize is that it's on an emotional

level. There's a connection that nobody

else has with this man. And this man who

commands nations as the king finds

himself completely and totally floored

by his wife's glance. I love that. That

his heart beats faster. that he's

saying, "I'm not just someone who is

attracted to you on a physical level.

You have got me on an emotional level

and I am attentive to you regardless of

if if we find ourselves in a bedroom or

not. That I am fully yours." Right? And

so we see that in verse 10, it would go

on and say, "How delightful your

caresses are, my sister, my bride, your

caresses are much better than wine and

the fragrance of your perfume than any

balsom." Uh he says, "Your caresses are

much better than wine." And if you go

back to chapter 1, you recall that we

talked about this, that wine to the

ancients uh was the most incredible

drink that there was. They thought that

there was nothing better, that it was

delightful to the taste, that it would

warm the body. It would uh end up

dulling the mind on some level, that it

would relax you. And so we see that they

enjoyed it uh pretty much more than any

other thing that was out there. And he's

saying, "Hey, your caresses are better

than that. And that stuff is temporary.

You're longasting. You're here for the

long haul. I'm about you. And then he

says also he adds on to it and the

fragrance of your perfume more than any

balsom. Uh which is luxurious spices

from a balsom tree. Um later on you

might recall if you go into chronicles

you'll see that the queen of Sheba at

some point will come and visit King

Solomon. She hears about his wisdom. She

wants to speak with him and she will

bring an entourage and with that

entourage she'll bring all of these

luxurious spices. And what we see is

that he's saying, "There's nothing that

I've ever experienced that's better than

you. No spice is better than my wife."

And so he says in verse 11, "Your lips

drip sweetness like the honeycomb. My

bride, honey and milk are under your

tongue. The fragrance of your garments

is like the fragrance of Lebanon. Your

lips drip sweetness like the honeycomb

under your tongue."

So, they're not

giving each other like a peck here.

You know what I mean? Do I need to say

more than that? You know what I mean?

All right.

Thank you.

This is intense.

And he says that your lips drip

sweetness like the honeycomb. And then

he says like milk and honey. And what is

this supposed to do? remind us how God

brought his people out of captivity, led

them through the wilderness into the

land of promise, a land that he would

constantly describe as a land that is

flowing with milk and honey. And have

you ever wondered like why does God call

it a land flowing with milk and honey?

Like why can't it be like steak and

fries? Like why milk and honey? Like is

that specific? What are we talking about

here? And it is for specific reasons.

Why milk and honey? They'll nourish.

There's a sweetness to it. And also

nothing has to die in order to produce

milk or honey.

that it's beautiful and delightful.

There's no sorrow here. That you can

find yourself navigating the

complexities of this life. And yet in

the context in the covenant that we have

with one another, we have found

ourselves navigating all of life's

complications and entered into this land

of promise. And it is flowing with milk

and honey that there's a sweetness. It's

delightful. Nothing dies here. Our

sorrows flee in one another's presence.

There's a joy there. And so he goes on

to say in verse 12, "My sister, my

bride, you are a locked garden, a locked

garden and a sealed spring." Which is

where things are getting a little rated

R. And I won't get too racy or anything

here. Uh but I think we need to

understand she's talked about her body

as a vineyard, as a garden up to this

point. Uh and it's more than uh being

used to to talk about anatomy here, but

also about sexuality that she's entering

into this marriage and she's never had

sex with a man before. And so she's been

uh what would be kind of like he's been

saying earlier before when he was

talking about her being a dove in the

cliffs of the rock. Uh that she's been

rather inaccessible in that way. And so

we see that in verses 13- 15 he'll say,

"My sister, my bride, you are a locked

garden, a a locked garden and a sealed

spring. Your branches are a paradise of

pomegranates with choices fruits, henna

with nard, nard and saffron, calamus and

cinnamon with all the trees of

frankincense, myrrh and alows. with all

the best spices. You are a garden

spring, a well of flowing water

streaming from Lebanon. We see that he's

saying, "This gift of sex with one

another is lifegiving. It's refreshing.

It was meant to be enjoyed in this way.

And she will speak up in verse 16 and

say, "Awaken north wind. Come south

wind. Blow on my garden and spread the

fragrance of its spices. Let my love

come to his garden and eat its choices

fruits." Notice what she says. It's been

two or three times that we see that

she's made this phrase known uh so far

in this book. She said, "Do not awaken

love until the appropriate time." Do not

awaken love until the appropriate time.

Do not awaken love until the appropriate

time. And now she says, "Awaken that

love." She is ready. She's pumped. And

without any commentary needed, so is he.

And so we see

that there's something significant going

on here, though. What does this woman

experience? love, pursuit, being valued,

and recognition. There is no shame here,

but this is made for our enjoyment. And

we see that the man has the funniest

reaction after the consummation of the

marriage in chapter 5:1. He says, "I

have come to my garden, my sister, my

bride. I gather my spices, my honeycomb,

my honey, drink my wine with my milk. My

my my my." He's like, "Well, that was

fun."

and he's pumped. And it's interesting in

verse one, there's someone else that

speaks up. And there's been debate over

who it is that speaks, but the speaker

says, "Eat, friends, drink, and be

intoxicated with caresses." And there

are some people that have wondered, "Is

this the Schulomite woman's friends?"

And I'm like,

"That'd be weird."

After the consummation of the marriage,

like these two walk out of the Holiday

Inn and they're like, "Yay." Like,

that's kind of weird.

That makes sense. I would land in the

camp uh that this is actually the one

time where you see that God himself

speaks up

and says, "Enjoy this gift that I've

made for you in this context, in this

covenant. Well done."

And and here's here's the thing, like

you ever annoyed when you read

scripture. Is that bad to say for me?

Probably. I don't know. I said it. It's

out there. You ever get annoyed when you

read scripture? You're just like I mean

like it just it feels like

did do they fail ever? Ever do anything

wrong? Next week we'll talk about

marital conflict. So, you know, that'll

be fun. Uh but

and you just kind of like

I I don't know. It almost seems like a

fairy tale.

this couple you meet, you're attracted,

she's got all her teeth, like you know,

I mean, it's all this

end up pursuing each other and this guy

is like straight out of a Disney movie

and like

he's not rushing after her like she's

the ring and he's got any of these

things like you just

and you look at your life. You look at

your life

and you recognize, hey, um,

I'm I'm dealing with a significant

amount of shame when it comes to this.

Statistically speaking, there's a lot of

people in this room that watch

pornography often,

even in your marriage.

Statistically speaking, there's a lot of

us that have a broken sexual past

because we didn't know any better or god

forbid because

someone stole something from you against

your will that you didn't willingly

give.

And I I just kept coming back to this

passage

in John chapter 8 because I thought

John 8 · chapter mention

about all the brokenness and the

devastation that could be in this room.

And I thought about this moment that

Jesus has with this woman who's been

caught in the act of adultery.

And it says this,

"The scribes and the Pharisees brought a

woman caught in adultery, making her

stand in the center. You want to shame

her."

Teacher, they said, "This woman was

caught in the act of committing

adultery, and the law of Moses were

commanded to stone such women. So what

do you say?" They asked this to trap him

in order that they might have evidence

to accuse him. Jesus stooped down and

started writing on the ground with his

finger. When they persisted in

questioning him, he stood up and said to

them, "The one without sin among you

should be the first to throw a stone at

her." Then he stooped down again and

continued writing on the ground. And

when they heard this, they left one by

one, starting with the older men. Only

he was left with the woman in the

center. And when Jesus stood up, he said

to her,"Woman, where are they? Has no

one condemned you?" "No one, Lord," she

answered. "Neither do I condemn you?"

said Jesus. "Go and from now on, do not

sin anymore."

And I just wonder there how many people

there are in this room that you feel

like your marriage is at the center.

You feel like you're in the center

and you just feel this unbelievable

amount of shame about where you're at

because of things that have happened in

your sexual past or present. Things that

are still plaguing your marriage that

you're deeply ashamed of. And you're

going, "Man, I feel like everybody would

line up to chuck a stone at me." And

what you need to hear today is that

Jesus draws a line in the sand and he

says, "Who's condemned you?"

The answer is no one. Says, 'Neither do

I, but go and sin no more.

And I just wonder if this altar today

might be a line in the sand where for

some of us it can feel taboo to

acknowledge any kind of struggle with

marriage, let alone any kind of sexual

struggle. And just know that there are

people that will come alongside you and

no one's here to condemn you. No one's

here to rid ridicule you, make you feel

shame.

Rather to come alongside you and say,

"Hey, we understand the significance of

this struggle, but there's redemption on

the other side of it and a better story

in Jesus. And that story affects every

aspect of our life, our marriage, our

sex life, and beyond."

And so that's my hope for you, that

there'd be freedom in the room. Not the

freedom that the world promises,

but true liberation in Jesus Christ.

Recognizing that he gave it all to have

all of us. He gave his body that we

might be a people that would recognize

his perfect innocent blood takes away

our sins past, present, and future for

those of us that have repented of our

sins and placed our faith in him.

And there's not just new life in his

name, but a sanctified life of

recognizing.

I'm not some broken, disgusting human.

I might have some things that I've got

to deal with. I just got to bring them

to Jesus who's the only one left when

everyone else leaves and looks at you

and says, "Has no one condemned you?

Neither do I. I've got more for you.

Let's turn this life around."

And so, Lord, would we have that today?

Uh, a fresh realization, God,

of who you are. Because, Lord, I think

that

that can fade for us some.

And Lord, would we

if we're struggling dearly, would we

find ourselves

at our chair praying with our spouse,

falling on our face at the altar,

asking that you would

renew our minds,

strengthen our hearts

to press into the way that you have

designed us to live, that we might not

only flourish, but have fun and

experience the joy that you've always

intended. Lord, we love you. We praise

you. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen.