Christ and His Bride

So I'd love to see how the church,

it's actually been, I think, a year since I've been here,

and you've grown so much.

And there's all these up-and-coming leaders

going through training,

and Sean's doing a great job there.

And so I'm just excited to see what God has for you.

And you're starting to outgrow this facility,

which has been a great facility for you.

And so I'm praying for you guys regularly,

and I'm just happy to be here again.

And hopefully next time it won't be quite so long.

Maybe I'll visit in the spring or something.

Anyway, you've been in a series on Ephesians.

And I hope what you've been, I trust,

and I'm sure you have.

I haven't listened to the sermons, though.

But Paul in Ephesians is hammering home

salvation by grace through faith in Christ, right?

He's talking about the unity of the church

and peace with God.

And he's talking about gifts.

Our gifts are for mutual edification.

And he talks about our new life in Christ.

And so he moves from gospel truths

to gospel attitudes and actions.

And so we are motivated by grace and love,

by the gospel,

not by a set of rules or law or legalism.

Now, I am going to focus my comments

primarily addressing verses 22 to the end,

but I had 18 to 21 read, really,

so that you get the context of what he's talking about here.

And so here we continue in the motivation

for gospel attitudes and actions

and not a call to observe commandments.

Let me pray, and we'll commit this time to the Lord.

Father, we thank you for your word.

Thank you that it is good.

Thank you that it is true,

that we can trust in it.

And when we're face to face with it, Lord,

help us to heed it

and not inject our own culture

or preconceived notions into it, Lord,

but to hear from you,

hear what your word truly says,

that we would change our minds

based on your word

and not to change the word based on our minds, Lord.

Help us to be shaped by it.

And Holy Spirit,

we ask that you would come and fill us now

as I know you are present, Lord.

We ask for your help in changing.

Lord, when we hear the word,

we want to be changed by your word.

And it is your Holy Spirit that can do that.

So we ask, Holy Spirit,

come and change us this morning.

We pray this in Jesus' name.

Amen.

In 2013, a shoe company

started promoting this new management structure.

It was called Holacracy.

Maybe you heard it.

Maybe you haven't.

This was an idea to get rid of hierarchy in the workplace.

So get rid of all the managers,

no bosses, no titles, nothing like that.

Instead, workers would track their decision

through this internal web app.

Back then, the news reported on it

and they hailed,

oh, this is a great idea.

Everyone reporting on it said,

oh, they loved it

and gave a defense for why it was great

and why it would work.

And people really hailed it

as the end of hierarchy in the workplace.

And this was going to change

the way society did business.

Now, fast forward to last year, 2016.

Employees are leaving this shoe company.

Employees reported that there was chaos

in the company.

They didn't know how to get things done anymore.

They actually reported that they wanted a boss

so that they could run ideas by

and decisions by.

And the reason for that

is because hierarchy in business

promotes order.

The structure of manager and worker,

that promotes order

so that you can get things done,

so that you can work together.

Now, this isn't to say

that everything about this idea was bad.

I'm not saying that.

But I say this to show that

it is important to have some kind of hierarchy

in business and as well in all relationships.

Our God is a God of order.

It's part of who God is.

And he's the one that everything

and everyone is subject to.

It really could be no other way.

We are to submit to God

because he is the one that created the universe.

And so he gets to make the rules.

And he is worthy of obeying.

And actually, there's joy in obedience to him.

So we are to be filled with the Spirit,

as it says in verse 18.

Part of that being filled with the Spirit

is addressing one another in song.

That's a whole other sermon.

I don't know if you've preached on that.

It's a great sermon.

Bob Coughlin also has a fantastic sermon

sermon on singing to one another.

That's part of what we do.

Not only singing to God,

but to singing to one another

as we're reminding each other

the truths of the gospel.

But that's a different sermon.

Part of it is giving thanks to God always.

That could be its own sermon too.

And then we come to this.

Part of it is submitting to one another

out of reverence for Christ.

So if you've been filled with the Spirit,

and really every Christian should endeavor

to be filled with the Spirit,

every Christian has received the Spirit,

you can ask the Spirit to fill you as well

and change you.

And if you've been filled with the Spirit,

you will bring glory to Jesus.

That's my main point this morning.

Be filled with the Spirit,

and you will show reverence for Christ.

You'll bring him honor.

You'll bring him glory.

Be filled with the Spirit,

and you will show reverence for Christ.

Now, Paul introduces the next three sections

with verse 21.

Some translations begin a new sentence here,

saying,

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And then 22, verse 22,

begins a section on husbands and wives.

And chapter 6, verse 1,

begins a section on children and parents.

And then 6, 5,

begins a section on bond servants and masters.

The gospel has a profound effect on our relationships,

not just the ones listed here specifically,

those wives and husbands,

children and parents,

bond servants and masters,

but really, generally,

all towards all our brothers and sisters in Christ,

as well,

towards unbelievers,

towards those outside of the church.

The Spirit changes the way that we interact with each other.

And we have joy.

We have humility towards one another.

Really, we want to put this on,

being filled with the Spirit,

so that we are not asserting our desires and opinions

and preferences over others,

but we are making others more important than ourselves.

So here we are in this first section,

wives and husbands.

This isn't a particularly popular scripture in our culture.

It's not even really popular in our churches many times.

I think one reason is maybe somewhat of a good reason.

There have been many abuses of this doctrine

or misinterpretation of this doctrine

so that it produces like this self-centered chauvinism

or misogyny towards women.

And that is not what we want to represent.

We want to hold women in high regard and respect.

And on the other side,

we have a reaction against this doctrine

that is radical feminism,

one that seeks to even go so far

as to make women as more capable than men,

more valuable than men.

And that's not where we want to go either.

We want to be biblically minded.

And so this doctrine is often viewed

that because there are different roles,

there is inequality.

As one is the man is the head,

the husband is the head.

And so the one who submits,

the wife,

must be inferior.

No, that's far from the truth.

There are different roles.

And you can see this really in many relationships.

You have temporary roles.

Like if you go to somebody's house for dinner,

you actually submit to them, right?

You defer to them.

They make the decisions on what to have for dinner.

You may ask,

hey, what can I bring for dinner?

And typically you'll say,

oh yeah, I can bring that.

Or if you don't,

you ask politely,

oh, I don't think I could do that.

Could I bring this or that?

So really you're deferring to them.

That's a very temporary thing

and a very natural thing

that you would submit

to somebody who's hosting dinner.

And as well in the workplace, right?

You have a boss that you submit to.

You have a good working relationship with them,

I hope,

that a manager helps you to do your work well.

And so we have the church relationships as well.

You submit to your pastors

and to maybe your small group leader

or other ministry team leaders.

This is a natural thing that you submit to.

And as well,

we want to promote this in the home.

The husband is the head,

the wife submits.

And as a church,

we must be faithful to scripture,

not skipping over this part

or ignoring it because we don't like it.

But I think if we delve into it,

not just will we tolerate this doctrine,

but we will come to love it

and it will become encouraging to us.

Submission really is a beautiful thing to God

and it should be a beautiful thing to us.

Let's read in verse 22.

Wives,

Wives,

submit to your own husbands as to the Lord,

for the husband is head of the wife,

even as Christ is the head of the church,

his body,

and is himself its savior.

Now as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives should submit in everything

to their husbands.

So my first point here is

wives submitting to husbands

is a reflection of the church submitting to Christ.

A wife submitting to her husband

is a reflection of Christ submitting to the church.

And some preachers and commentators

have used other words to describe this,

such as subjugation or subordination.

And I don't think they're understanding

of the verses necessarily any different than ours,

just because they use a different word.

But because I am personally uncomfortable

with those words,

just because in the modern English

they carry some baggage with them.

And so the word that I prefer is submit.

And that is the language that the ESV has chosen

to represent that idea as well.

But don't,

what I'm saying is

don't react against the words

subjugation and subordination.

If you're reading a commentary

or hearing a preacher,

they may not necessarily be meaning

anything different than we are here.

but it's just a word choice often.

So I prefer the word submit.

Really, it's the same word Paul uses in verse 21.

Submit yourselves to one another

out of reverence for Christ.

And this is speaking to all Christians.

And so this specific instance

of wives submitting to husbands

is grounded in submitting to one another,

which really in turn is grounded

in being filled with the Spirit.

So indeed, we are bond servants to Christ.

Once we were slaves to sin,

now we are slaves to Christ.

And so we submit to Christ willingly.

Submission should not be a foreign word

or action to us.

It shouldn't be repulsive

or something that we need to shy away from.

As I said, at the workplace,

you submit to your manager.

If you have employees that you manage,

they submit to you.

And if you work alone,

maybe you're your own boss,

you're the only one there,

you still submit to the government.

They have regulations and taxes you must pay,

and so you must submit to them.

And actually, in this country,

there's really nobody in this country

who does not submit to another person.

Even the president must submit

to the Supreme Court decisions, thankfully.

In our lives, we submit to Christ.

The church submits to its pastor.

We submit to each other.

It's a working together for the gospel.

And now, we don't really have a problem

with the concept of submitting to Christ, right?

Wives, let me ask you this.

Is it difficult to submit to your husband?

And ask yourself, why is it difficult?

Certainly, I know one reason.

I'm very aware of this.

Your husband is not Christ.

He's not perfect.

I am not a perfect husband.

Far from it.

And I know that makes it harder to submit, right?

But you know what?

Even if your husband was Christ,

even if he was perfect,

you would not be able to submit perfectly, right?

There's this, we are sinners.

And we rebel against doing what is right often.

And we're far from perfect.

We will be made perfect when we get to heaven.

And then we will submit perfectly.

And, but let me, let's everyone look at it.

I don't want this to, you to feel like,

oh, I'm not married,

so this passage isn't for me.

No, this is for everyone.

And everyone can learn from this.

Look at your relationship with God.

We really do have a problem with submitting to Christ.

Every time we give in to sin,

we are throwing off the yoke

and committing that same sin

that Adam and Eve committed.

We want to be our own king and God.

We don't want to be told what to do.

But Jesus, Jesus said,

what about this yoke?

He said the yoke is easy to bear

and the burden is light.

The culture sees yoke of submission as slavery, really.

It's a tiresome and difficult burden to bear,

one that no one should have to do.

But to the ox,

the yoke is like it's work clothes.

Now, I work right down the street at Akamai.

Next door, we're building this brand new facility.

And I see the workers out there every day.

They have their work clothes all yellow.

And they have these big giant boots on

because there's so much mud that they're digging into

because the water table is like this deep, you know.

And they put on their work clothes.

It's what they work.

I wore this because I thought it would be appropriate for today.

I'm thankful that Sovereign Grace

is not really about the suit and tie thing.

But you put on your work clothes.

That's what the yoke is like.

Now, some yokes are difficult and don't quite fit right.

Others are made especially and specifically for the animal.

But God's yoke, God's yoke for us,

is specifically fit for just what you need.

That doesn't mean your marriage is going to be perfect.

That doesn't mean every relationship you have

is going to be perfect.

But what God has called you to

is just meant for what you need.

The difficulties that arise are for your good

and to shape you.

So God has called us to put on a yoke,

some to lead and some to follow,

but all to work together.

And this is a situation where maybe the stronger one

is trying to pull ahead,

and that's going to be hard.

That's going to make problems for the team.

Or if one is lagging behind,

that's going to be a problem for the team.

You both must work together in their own roles.

And yet one is always the lead.

So the yoke that Christ has given

is not just a burden,

but it is a gift.

And we should view this relationship

of submission and leadership as a gift.

So we put it on,

and there is work to be done together.

Submitting to God together,

joyfully working for God's glory

through the gospel,

bringing the gospel to bear in our lives

and in the church and outside the church.

telling others about Jesus.

This is how we do it.

We work together.

So let me get into a little bit of application here

in this first point.

This is not just for married people,

so keep on listening.

But first I will address the married.

I'm not going to tell you exactly

how your marriage should look

because people are different,

relationships are different,

it's not a one-size-fits-all kind of thing.

But Paul is encouraging wives

to lovingly submit to husbands,

not begrudgingly,

not with complaining,

but with joy,

like the church submits to Christ,

or like the church is supposed to submit to Christ.

Verse 24 says,

Now as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives should submit

in everything to their husbands.

Now a question for you, wives.

Does your husband agree

that you are walking this out?

Not perfectly.

No.

But are you walking it?

Are you growing in this?

Joyfully, not begrudgingly,

not with complaining.

Now,

I have to bring up,

what if your husband is not a Christian?

Or what if your husband is a very difficult man?

And that's a situation that a number of wives,

I know in our church,

are struggling with.

And that is,

I agree,

is a difficult situation to work out.

And yet,

Paul is still calling you

to submit to your husband,

even if he's not a Christian.

In that way,

may God bless that relationship.

And maybe God will use that submission

to bring the husband around.

But I would encourage you,

if that is your situation,

talk with your small group leaders,

talk with your pastors

and other leaders in the church.

Because every situation is different.

And that's not one

that I can particularly address

from the pulpit.

But it is one that we want to work on

and join together.

And we want to follow Scripture on,

even when it is difficult.

And really,

this is something,

this is something that we need

the Holy Spirit to fill us with.

Wives,

you need the Spirit

in order to submit to your husband.

I know it's not always easy,

especially,

I know myself,

your husband may not be the perfect man.

And he may not lead in the best ways.

But ask God to help you.

And for the Spirit to strengthen you,

to have joy,

to submit joyfully,

even when the one who leads you

is not the perfect example to submit to.

Now, I will say,

number two,

this does not mean subjugation

or oppression of women.

Our culture has not always been

like it is now.

And we're not desiring

to return to any age

where women couldn't vote

or own land

or were treated as property

or slaves

or when female workers

were treated unfairly

in the workplace.

And actually,

some of that still exists.

It's better than it was.

And hopefully,

in 10 years

and in 20 years,

things will get better.

And I would agree,

that is a great goal to have.

And there was often

rampant sexism

in the workplace.

And some of that still exists,

especially different segments

of the business sector

still have issues with that.

And I pray that that would cease.

I pray that that would go away

because that is not coming

from this doctrine.

That would not be

what we're wanting.

That is a disrespect of women.

But the alternative here

doesn't need to be militant feminism.

It needs to be biblical femininity.

One that reflects

and is obedient to this passage even.

One that is shaped by the word

and not by our preconceived notions.

Not one that is shaped

and founded in the culture,

but one is founded in Scripture.

And so, wives,

it needs to look like that.

Men, it needs to look like that.

Not with,

maybe you grew up as a chauvinist.

Well, now you have Christ.

So you need to put that off

and put respect for women on.

Men,

it doesn't mean that we tell our wives to do.

Men, I'm going to have you turn

to Proverbs 31.

I mean, you can all turn there,

but I really want the men

especially to go with me here.

So Psalms is right in the middle

of your Bible.

Proverbs,

and we're going to go

to the end of Proverbs,

Proverbs 31.

Verse 10.

I want you to pay attention, men.

This is what a woman looks like.

An excellent wife who can find.

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good

and not harm all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax

and works with willing hands.

She is like the ship of the merchant.

She brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field

and buys it.

With the fruit of her hands,

she plants a vineyard.

Now, of course,

that's a great women's study,

and often women do study this passage,

and that's a good thing.

I think men should study

this passage as well.

You see that last part right there?

She considers a field

and she buys it.

She does this without consulting her husband,

and it's shown to be a good thing.

Look at the level of trust

that the husband has for this woman.

Look how the writer respects this woman.

Now, of course,

this is the ideal woman,

and wives don't feel like,

oh, I need to be this

in order to joyfully submit,

in order to actually serve my husband.

I need to work this out perfectly.

No, this is the ideal.

We're aiming for this.

But husbands, listen,

it is your job

to help your wife grow

so that she becomes

like this woman.

Now, this field was significant.

It was a significant purchase,

and she made this purchase

all on her own.

This is a task

that this woman has,

and we live in this age

of communication

where we're constantly communicating.

So I'm not saying

that you should stop communicating

and wives just go out

and make big purchases

all the time.

No, I'm not saying that.

The point here

is that there is a trust

and there is a responsibility,

and really,

women in many circles today

have really lost

some of that responsibility

and that decision-making

and, indeed, trust.

I want to recapture that a bit.

I don't know how that will look

in your relationships

and with your husband,

but I do think

that this is showing

a very capable woman, right?

We want our wives

to be capable

and feel the freedom

to make decisions

and to carry out responsibilities

because they are capable

and they are responsible.

And I submit to you, husbands,

that if you lack trust

and respect

and admiration

for your wife

as this husband

does in Proverbs 31,

I submit that you're not loving her

as Christ loved the church.

Husbands,

we need to receive godly wisdom

and correction from our wives.

We need to place trust

in our wives

to carry out these things

and help our wives

become the woman

that they can be.

I receive correction

and observations from Megan.

It is so helpful.

It's indispensable to me.

I wouldn't be the husband that I am.

I wouldn't be the father that I am.

I wouldn't be the pastor.

I may not be a pastor at all

if it weren't for Megan.

I had desires before I met her,

but she helped and changed me.

She offered correction.

She's praised for me regularly.

And through those prayers,

I can point to you

a number of times

that God,

she didn't even talk to me

about what she was praying about,

but she prayed

and God changed my mind

about something.

So,

I love my wife.

Her input

and her joining me

in this team

is indispensable to me.

Now, to everyone,

it's beautiful

when you see reverence for Christ,

submitting to one another,

whether that be

the husband and wife relationship

or other relationships.

It's a beautiful thing

when we're submitting

to one another

out of reverence for Christ.

The world sees

everyone trying to fight

for their own,

but when you see

godly marriages,

be reminded of your place

in the bride of Christ.

We submit to each other

out of love,

and we submit to Christ

Christ,

out of love.

And the husband and wife

is just one example.

Now, to the unmarried,

rather than pining

to be married,

as I know,

some,

some,

some,

it's a difficult situation.

Sometimes you want

to be married,

but you're not.

Or maybe you're happy

not being married.

That's a good thing, too.

Well, know that,

know that,

and find joy

in the fact that

you are married to Christ.

He loves you more

than any husband

or wife could ever love you.

You are complete

in Christ already.

You don't need a spouse

to be complete,

to work for God,

and to work in your life.

You need the church body.

And he has called you,

at least for the time being,

to serve him unhindered.

God says,

and you don't have to

turn with me,

but God says in

verse Corinthians 7, 32,

I want you to be free

from anxieties.

The unmarried man

is anxious about

the things of the Lord,

how to please the Lord.

But the married man

is anxious about

worldly things,

how to please his wife.

And the interests

are divided.

The unmarried or betrothed woman

is anxious about

the things of the Lord,

how to be holy

in body and spirit.

But the married woman

is anxious about

worldly things,

how to please her husband.

And then, of course,

Paul goes on to say

that yes, marriage is good

and that that's good too.

So both of these things

are good,

whether you're married

or not married.

Find joy

where God has you right now.

Be filled with the Spirit

and let there be joy

in submitting in those roles

that you are called to submit.

So then,

Paul transitions

to addressing the men.

And he doesn't tell them

to rule well

or be orderly.

What does he say?

He tells husbands

to love.

Let's read in verse 25.

Husbands,

love your wives

as Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her,

that he might sanctify her,

having cleansed her

by the washing of water

with the word,

so that he might present

the church to himself

in splendor,

without spot or wrinkle

or any such thing,

that she might be holy

and without blemish.

In the same way,

husbands should love

their wives

as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife

loves himself,

for no one ever hated

his own flesh

but nourishes

and cherishes it

just as Christ does

the church,

because we are members

of his body.

Therefore,

a man shall leave

his father and mother

and hold fast

to his wife,

and the two shall become

one flesh.

So I'm in my second point here.

Husbands,

sacrificially loving their wives

is a picture of Jesus' love

for the church.

Husbands,

sacrificially loving their wives,

it's a picture of Jesus' love

for the church.

This is to make the gospel

more real to us.

This is the institution

that God created

to reflect Christ

and his bride.

Husbands,

love your wives

as Christ loved the church,

verse 25,

and gave himself up for her.

This is a call

to the highest

kind of love,

men,

a self-sacrificing love.

Husbands,

you are called

not to just romantically

love your wife,

not just care for your wife,

but to love your wife

in such a way

that you sacrifice

and serve her.

This is maybe

the scariest verse

in the Bible

for husbands.

Now,

how?

How are we to do that?

Not just in,

we're not just to love

our wives

in any way

that she wants

or any way

that you want,

but specifically,

verse 26,

that he might sanctify her

having cleansed her

by the washing of water

with the words

so that he might present

the church to himself

in splendor

without spot

or wrinkle

or any such thing

that she might be holy

and without blemish.

Now,

obviously,

husbands,

we do not have the power

that Jesus did.

We cannot die

in order to take away

the sin of another person

because we ourselves

are sinners.

Jesus was the only

perfect one.

He's the only one

that can save.

He's the only one

that can truly forgive.

And if you don't know him

as your savior,

know that he died

in order to take away

the sins of the world.

And he loves you

and desires you

to be saved,

to be forgiven,

to be in a relationship

with him,

to be joined with him.

Your call is to repent

from your sins

and turn and believe in him.

Join a church.

Be baptized.

Those might be scary things

for you if you

are not a believer.

But it is the most

wonderful thing

in the world

to be forgiven

by God

and to start

that relationship

with God.

You'll be filled

with the Spirit.

You'll be joined

with Christ

in a union

that is inseparable.

One where he loves you

unconditionally.

So repent

and believe.

Respect the husbands.

Husbands like Jesus,

we are called

to love

and sacrifice

so that we can

help our wives

be godly women.

Now how specifically?

Washing of water

with the word.

That's what Jesus did

and that is what husbands

you are to do.

When the disciples

needed correcting,

Jesus washed them

with the word.

He gave them scripture.

He taught them.

When the churches

needed guidance,

the apostle Paul

taught them

with the word.

One of the things

our wives need most

is to be thoroughly

washed in the word.

This is the way

that she can grow

spiritually.

This is really good advice

for anyone,

male or female,

but this is specifically

your responsibility,

husbands.

Wash your wife

with the word.

Soak her in it.

Make sure that she

is receiving

from the word.

And guys,

if you're not married,

maybe you think,

oh, I made it out

of that responsibility.

I'm okay for now.

Maybe you will get married

at some point.

Or maybe you won't.

But it's always good

to be familiar

with the word yourselves.

Read it.

Know it.

Pay attention

when the word

is preached to you.

And really,

women too.

The word

is what shapes us.

If you want to be able

to lovingly submit

to your husband,

you want to work

alongside him,

know the word.

Husbands,

you want to lead

effectively

and humbly

and as a servant,

know the word.

And of course,

you need the spirit.

When you approach

the word,

don't approach it

intellectually only.

Yes,

you need to know

the knowledge

of the word

and study it.

Theology is important.

But our theology

should move us

to action.

It should move us

to love.

So when we learn

from the word,

may it well up

in our hearts

that we be thankful

to God

and love him more

as we have studied

the word.

Now,

to get into application

here a little bit,

husbands,

you need to serve

in a way

that is sacrificial.

Sacrificial leadership.

And this

includes

a number of things.

I'll highlight

a few things here.

This is things

that I think about

maybe you would serve

in different ways.

But for me,

here's just a couple.

And I'd say this

as an example.

You don't need to do

all the things

that I do.

I'm sure Sean's marriage

looks different.

Paul Buckley's marriage

looks different.

Taryn's marriage

looks different.

But schedule.

I take care of the schedule.

There's a lot of things

I'd like to do.

But my priority time

is with Megan.

Time with my kids.

So for us,

we say no

when there would be

too much time away.

And I have a rule

for myself.

Again,

you don't have to have

the same rule.

But for me,

I don't really like

having two nights

away from my family.

I'll do it sometimes.

But I don't like it.

So there's a thing.

What's the opportunity?

Okay,

I'll weigh that

against being away

from my family.

If it's three nights

in a row

that I have

different things

that I'm doing,

that's almost

an automatic no.

Unless it's like

a conference

or something for work

or whatever.

I don't like to be away

three nights in a way

from my family.

Now,

again,

that's just me.

But it's a way

that I manage

so that I can spend

time with my family.

Sometimes it means

a sacrifice.

So things that I'd

like to do.

Things that maybe

maybe I feel like

God is calling me

to do that,

but I can't do

all of those things.

And so we have to

manage the schedule.

And as well,

I manage,

make sure that there's

time for date nights

and time with kids

after,

time,

sorry,

time with Megan

after the kids

go to bed.

And so that's

one way.

Maybe for you

it would be similar,

maybe it would be

different.

So really,

it's my role

to protect

our calendar.

And if maybe

your wife is good

with the calendar

and she does that,

that's totally fine too.

Like I said,

every marriage

is different.

Now,

I take care of

the budget,

finances,

taxes,

all that kind of stuff.

I really don't like

dealing with money.

That's not my favorite

thing to do,

but it's a way

to serve our marriage.

Now,

your marriage

might look different.

Maybe your wife,

you love working,

doing taxes,

all that kind of stuff.

Actually,

my mom likes

doing taxes,

so I don't quite

understand it.

So she actually

does the stuff

in my parents'

relationship,

but it's a way

that I serve her.

But guys,

I want you to

study your wife.

Know what her likes

are and what

her dislikes are.

She'd probably

be embarrassed,

but maybe she's

downstairs.

Okay,

it's okay.

I'm just telling her.

She doesn't really

like being in a

crowded place

where there's food,

you know,

like a buffet

or whatever.

It's just

not her thing.

And so I'll just

go and say,

hey,

what would you like?

And I'll go get her food.

It's a very small

thing to do,

but it's a way

that I can serve her.

Because I know,

I'm familiar.

This is not really

something that she's

going to get over

anytime soon,

and so I serve her

in that way.

It's a very easy way

to do that.

But know what your

wife's likes

and dislikes are,

and if you can help

her in some of those

ways,

you know,

take out the trash

and all those jobs

that may be not

the most glorious

at home.

Do those things

to serve.

Another one,

prayer.

It takes effort

to prayer.

And one of my

prayers for Megan

is actually a prayer

for me.

Help me to be aware

of how to point

Megan to Christ

and apply the grace

of God for today.

There's many things

I pray for her,

that she would

receive the word,

that she would

have time to study,

because I know

with the kids

and all that's

going on,

sometimes she doesn't

get that solid time

away.

But I pray that she

would be aware

of God's grace

for the day.

And I want you

to pray for your

wife.

Not just a little

prayer.

Pray longing

for God to work

in her.

And pray every day

for her.

I don't pray

every day for her.

I miss.

I'm not perfect

with that.

But have that

as a goal.

Pray as much

for your wife

as you can.

It will benefit

you.

And then lastly,

I talked about

schedule,

but I want to

talk a little bit

about time.

And this is a

little bit different.

Time is maybe

one of those things

that husbands

struggle to give up.

And maybe this

is the call

that is the most

sacrificial for guys.

It depends on the guy.

But what I mean

is time from work.

Now, some guys,

you get a long

hours of the day

and you have to

take home.

You have to be

on call 24-7.

And that's just

the way things are.

But I know

there's plenty

of guys

who come home.

They're still

on email.

They don't need

to be on email.

They're still

checking their email.

Or maybe they

work extra hours

and they don't

need to work

extra hours.

Now, it's a good

thing to work

and work hard.

And I'm not telling

you how many

hours to work.

But it can be

an escape.

The easy thing

to choose

is to go

and continue

to work

for your job.

When maybe

what God has

for you

is to put

that down

at night

and spend time

with your wife

and with your kids.

Now, other guys,

maybe it's not work,

but it's video games

or you go out

golfing all the time

or whatever

hobby occupies you

and you're very

interested in.

And you do that

to the exclusion

of spending time

with your wife

and with your family.

Guys, we are called

to sacrificially

love our wives.

And so sometimes

that's going to mean

putting those things

aside

and spending time

with your wife.

because if you love,

say you love your wife

but you never

spend time with her.

Say you love your kids

and you never

spend time with them.

That's not loving

to your wife

and to your kids.

And I recognize

there's some difficult

situations out there

where a guy

is required

to work maybe

two jobs

or three jobs

just to afford

to all that.

And maybe there's not

a lot you can do

about that,

but have a heart

towards caring

for your wife

as much as possible.

Get out of that situation

as fast as you can.

Bring your leaders

into that.

Pray about getting

out of that situation

so that you can spend

time with your family.

And then washing

with the word.

Those,

previously all those things

are about really loving

but what about washing

with the word?

And I know

I need to grow in this.

I need to get better.

When Megan comes to me

and is upset

or there's a problem,

my tendency can be laziness

or impatience with her even.

But God calls me

to bring scripture

to bear on the issue.

And don't get that wrong.

Like she comes to you

and she's upset.

Well, let's turn to Philippians

and should I have joy?

No.

That's not going to help probably.

You'll find that out

pretty quickly I think.

But to help her,

come alongside her

in whatever it is.

Help her be redirected

towards joy in the Lord.

Even amidst difficulties.

And that is something

that takes patience

and takes effort

to walk alongside

and not just blast them

with scripture

or ignore them

or get impatient

as I do sometimes.

And as well,

be proactive.

You should know

that your wife

is doing well

or not doing well.

And help her to do well.

Help her if she needs

to spend more time

in scripture.

Make time for her.

If the mornings

don't work

because of the kids

and all that's going on,

maybe give her some time

at night

to spend in the word.

Or find some other time

that she can benefit

and pray

and spend time.

And then also

discuss with her.

Talk about God.

What he's doing.

Now,

as if the example

of Christ isn't enough,

the reality is that

the husband and wife

are one flesh.

Let's read in verse 28.

In the same way,

husbands should love

their wives

as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife

loves himself

for no one ever

hated his own flesh

but nourishes and cherishes it

just as Christ does the church.

So if your wife

is not doing well,

then you are probably

not going to do well either.

And I want you to have joy

in life and in Christ.

And if only for selfish reasons,

you will heed this.

If you want to do well,

then you've got to cherish

your wife.

Really,

how can you not love

and respect her?

She is your own body.

And when you don't love her,

it's like trying to separate

your body from itself.

You say,

I'm angry with my arms right now.

I'm not going to use them anymore.

I'm just going to let them

flail around.

That tends to be ridiculous.

Or if you've got

a sprained ankle

and you say,

I'm just going to ignore that.

I'm going to walk

like I normally do.

Well, you know what?

Soon,

your ankle's going to puff up

and it's going to be unusable.

If you ignore your wife

when she is hurting,

she's going to be like

that sprained ankle

trampled upon

and going to do much worse.

So when she's hurting,

when she needs care,

take the time to care

and come alongside.

Like a sprained ankle,

maybe you need to keep off it

for a little while.

I don't know what that looks like.

Maybe taking some of her responsibilities

for a time

so that she can get better.

Whether she's sick,

whether it's a spiritual oppression,

whatever.

Take time to care for your wife.

Now, husbands,

you can't do this

without the spirit independence.

I know you may be feeling

condemned right now.

How could I live up

to this kind of standard?

Well, we can't.

This is the standard of Christ.

Christ loved the church perfectly,

gave himself up for it perfectly.

But I do want you to be convicted.

I want you to be envisioned

to grow in your marriage.

Or if you're not married yet,

guys, grow in knowing the word

so that if you do come a time

where you do get married,

you are prepared,

well prepared to lead well

and lead by the word

and lead by Christ

and his example.

We're called to be servant leaders,

not authoritarians.

We're called to be humble guys,

accountable to God

and to other men.

Your wife should feel the freedom

if you are in sin

to go to some other guy

within the church

and he will help bring correction to you

and receive that.

And so we want a leadership

that is marked by love

and not authoritarianism.

Now imagine what it would be like

if every Christian loved the church

as much as Christ does.

That would be a wonderful thing.

And so let us love others,

whoever it might be,

as Christ loved the church.

Let us put on the self-sacrificial love.

This is a call to all,

not just husbands.

And when others struggle,

bring the word to bear for them.

You can help others

be washed in the word

if you are sharing the word with them

and encouraging them

in what God is already doing in them.

This is good for all,

but this specifically

is the responsibility

of the husband for the wife.

So this is a good thing for all.

Let's all do this.

But husbands,

this is your role for your wife.

And we need the Spirit.

We need to be filled with the Spirit

so that we can do this.

Now, marriages are supposed to show us

a picture of Christ and the church.

Let's read verse 31.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother

and hold fast to his wife,

and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is profound,

and I am saying that it refers to Christ

and the church.

However, let each one of you

love his wife as himself,

and let the wife see

that she respects her husband.

My third and final point here

is the one flesh union of marriage

points to Christ and his bride.

This one flesh union,

this marriage,

points to Christ and his bride.

Jesus left his father

in order to come down

and humble himself as a baby.

He was born humbly

in a feeding trough, really.

This is what Christmas is all about,

celebrating the beginning

of the joining of Christ

and his bride, the church.

Christ was humble,

is humble.

He is self-sacrificing.

And because of his abundant love for us,

we get to benefit.

Our marriages point to

the greatest marriage of all,

one that will happen

at the end of the age,

when Christ comes for us,

his bride.

Christ promises.

Jesus promises to love us.

He promises to keep us

and cherish us.

Our response is to submit to him

in love, with joy.

The love of Jesus

is a never-ending love

and it's a never-stopping love

and nothing can take us

out of his hand.

There is beauty

in this relationship.

When we submit,

when the church submits to Christ,

that's the way things should be.

There is beauty in this covenant,

the one that Christ bought

with his blood.

This is a never-ending love.

This is one of the reasons

that God hates divorce,

because it does not reflect

Christ and the church.

Christ and the church

are not going to get divorced,

because Jesus didn't even give up

on us when we are unfaithful.

When we fail at being a husband

who loves or a wife who submits,

when we fail at loving others,

at obeying God's word,

when we're lazy or impatient or angry,

when we're materialistic or selfish

or self-centered,

God forgives us

because of his never-ending love

that Jesus bought on the cross.

Why did he do this?

It was to save a marriage

hadn't completed yet,

a marriage to his people,

to his church,

that he would hold them for eternity.

That's God's promise.

If you've been joined to him,

he will not divorce you.

So our marriages are supposed to be

a reflection of Christ and the church.

And so we need to be filled with the Spirit

so that we show reverence for Christ,

so that we bring him honor and glory

in our own lives.

And so to us,

let's celebrate and encourage

marriages in the church.

Help those marriages

if we're aware of difficult ones.

Come alongside them.

And let's submit to one another

out of reverence for Christ,

joyfully, willingly.

Let's love each other.

Let's endeavor to wash each other

with the word.

Husbands especially,

because that is your role for your wife.

Let us be filled with the Spirit.

Have joy in whatever roles

God have given us.

In the workplace,

at church,

in the home,

with friends.

If you're called to submit

in whatever relationship it is,

do it with joy

and without complaining.

If you're called to lead

in whatever relationship it is,

love and serve

those who are submitted to you.

Let's pray and ask God

to do that work in us.

Father, we thank you

that you have

given us your word.

Lord, sometimes it's not

the easiest to obey

and to follow.

But Lord, we want to be

shaped by your word.

And so help us to apply this

in our marriages

and in our relationships

at work

and at church

and wherever we are,

would we be

joyful in submitting.

And in any

leadership relationship,

Lord,

let us serve

and sacrifice

and love those

who are under us,

who are submitted to us,

Lord,

but not wielding our authority

with authoritarianism,

but leading it

with humility,

Lord.

And so I ask,

Lord,

would you do a work

in each and every

one of us,

whether that is

to shape us

as a husband,

shape as a wife,

shape as a single,

a child,

Lord.

Help us all

to love you,

love the church,

love our relationships

that we have

as you have loved us.

We pray this

in Jesus' name.

Amen.