Marriage & Family 1

Just lift your Bibles up and wave them around.

Make Jesus glad, the devil mad.

We're going to start with the Word of God.

Let's say this together Say Heavenly Father, I'm here to receive, from the anointing of the Holy Ghost, revelation on the subject of marriage and the family.

I want to know more.

I want to have revelation that will build my faith so that not only I can help my own family, but others that are around me that are needing what I've got.

In Jesus' name, we're all able ministers of the new covenant, ephesians, chapter 4 tonight, and also chapter 5.

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

We're going to read our first verses here Ephesians.

Excuse me, did I say Ephesians 4?

Let me go back.

Ecclesiastes.

Does anybody know where that is?

Oh yeah, I remember Ecclesiastes, chapter 4.

Ecclesiastes 4 · chapter mention

All right, verse 9.

Ecclesiastes 4.9.

Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor, for if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow, but woe to him that is alone when he falleth, for he hath not another to help him up Again.

If two lie together, they have heat, but how can one be warm alone?

And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Hallelujah, a threefold cord is not quickly broken, all right.

And then Ephesians, chapter five, verse 22.

I've done a lot of weddings.

I did weddings at Lakewood.

We didn't have premarital counseling at Lakewood.

I just, you know, people would call want to get married, and I was the guy.

I did lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of weddings.

One Saturday I did three weddings, got up in the morning at 9.30, went across town to League City.

It was February and the wind was blowing out of the north at about 50 miles an hour.

It was so cold I almost froze.

They had an outdoor wedding, on the gazebo and I did not have an overcoat.

And then I left there and I went to Pasadena by 1 o'clock and that was a couple that had been common law for 25 years, just gotten saved, just started going to Lakewood and decided that they ought to be married officially.

They had kids, they had the whole family there.

It was amazing.

So I married them.

And then that night I had to hang around town it was too far drive all the way to spring to home.

And I had a third wedding at Vargo's, where the bride informed me that she did not want to take her husband's name.

It was a lot of fun.

We had a lot of fun back then.

Ephesians, chapter 5, y'all found it Okay.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Verse 22,.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.

I knew it.

I knew that woman's supposed to obey me.

We'll get into that, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church and he's the Savior of the body.

Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives.

Love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it.

So the family of God, the church, is built with God-ordained families, families.

It goes all the way back to the beginning.

The covenant of marriage was God's idea, and all of the efforts in the last number of years to denigrate the covenant of marriage, to act like it's old hat, that it's not viable anymore, that we need to live together before marriage to explore whether we're compatible and you know, it's all just the God of this age, it's deception Can't get better than what God designed.

And so it's a covenant, and a covenant means blood.

It means blood, which is why in the old days, when the man went into his wife for the first time, she had proof that she was a virgin.

First time she had proof that she was a virgin and she would bring out the proof of her blood, of her first experience with her husband, their new husband, in order for the dowry to be paid.

I mean, it was serious business in the beginning and all that came from the original and, of course, out of that covenant relationship.

A covenant is a permanent thing.

It's a stable thing.

It's not here today, gone tomorrow.

Vagaries of pressures.

I mean there's always pressure.

Every good marriage suffers trouble.

I don't care who you are, you're going to have times of trouble in your marriage.

But if you've got a proper understanding of the God's word and how to maneuver, you can always overcome trouble.

The problem I see with people is they turn outside the marriage to solve the problem.

You can never do that.

You can never turn outside of your marriage when you've got trouble, but you've got to turn toward each other.

Why?

Because it's a covenant and you've both sworn, you've both promised, and guess what?

The threefold cord.

What's the threefold cord?

I thought it was just two.

No, God's the third cord.

And it's not just lip service.

It's the word and the spirit.

He's there to bear witness of your promise and so he'll get in there and and and keep you together while you're negotiating your way out of the trouble.

Sometimes it takes negotiating, sometimes it takes communicating.

You know you've got to communicate.

We'll talk about that later, in a different week.

But out of that covenant relationship children are raised in a loving, stable environment.

I know that's why we don't have any stability with our children now, because so many children are raised without that covenant relationship.

They're either in blended families or they're in dysfunctional families or abusive families.

Forty years of abortion has cheapened the lives of children to where they're not regarded properly.

I was listening to an expert the other day.

Do you all remember the law enforcement admitting to 260,000 crimes that they didn't have enough manpower?

That was HPD alone.

Well, the sheriff's department is not much better.

100,000.

Some odd cases of not being investigated.

Tens of thousands of sexual assaults are not being investigated.

The rape kits were collected, the evidence is collected, we have the DNA of the perpetrator and nothing's done.

So one other thing, one horrible thing that I heard this man say he's been a prosecutor for 37 years.

He's now in private practice.

I heard him on the radio yesterday.

He was talking about the trouble we have with seven-year-old and younger children.

They're being abused, they're being sexually assaulted, physically assaulted, mistreated, and thousands upon thousands, upon thousands of cases are going with nothing happening.

So you know there's a lot of things that are broken that the church is going to have to get involved with and I hate to be so heavy on that.

We're going to have fun, but I want you to know at the beginning of this thing that this teaching, when you get a revelation of what you have as a Christian with marriage, of what you have as a Christian with marriage, it'll make you fight for what's right for our kids and intervene when we see things that are out of whack.

So the church is built when we have these loving, stable, covenant relationships between a man and a wife.

That produces children and godly marriage is the power of agreement.

You know it's just two's better than one.

I mean God put that in there.

The power of agreement if two or more shall agree on earth, is touching.

Anything they ask, it will be done.

And when married people get a hold of the power that they hold in agreement, then you understand why the devil is against marriage, he's against your marriage.

He'll do anything he can to interrupt the agreement because he wants to interrupt the power that you have, the authority that you have.

And so in Deuteronomy 32, 30, it says you know, if one will put a thousand to flight, two will put 10,000 to flight.

I mean, just look at that.

One will put a thousand, two will put 10,000.

So the multiplication factor is just, it's a logarithmic, it goes exponential, and that's what the devil fights.

And so agreement.

Amos 3.3, how can two walk together?

Unless they be agreed, you can't walk together.

You pull, you stretch, you combat.

And so when you learn the devil's tactics, you can cut him off at the knees.

You learn the devil's tactics, you can cut him off at the knees, praise God.

So we're going to develop the strength of your family, prepare you to make right decisions when you do get.

Some of you maybe have marriage in your future.

Some of you maybe have a new marriage or you've only been married a few years.

Some of you have been married longer than a few years and maybe you'll find some bad habits that you can change.

Maybe you'll find some things that you can do differently.

Everybody can learn from the Word of God.

Everybody can apply the Word of God to a greater degree.

And then, when the pressures of life strain and stretch your relationship, then those relationships will survive because they're built on God's word.

They're built on agape husband's agape, your wife See, it's built on the love of God.

The love of God is not a feeling, it's not an emotion, it is a decision, it is supernatural.

God is love.

It's the love part of your covenant.

It's the God emotion, it is a decision, it is supernatural.

God is love.

It's the love part of your covenant.

It's the God part of your covenant.

So when you decide to love, no matter what, that's the God part of your threefold cord and it can't be broken.

So let's look here at Ephesians 5 again, verse 28.

So we're talking about women are supposed to not.

It didn't say obey, it said submit.

Get into that in a moment.

Just, you know, I had that lady that didn't want to take her husband's name because she's a feminazi or feminine feminist.

I thought where do you go to church?

I don't think she did.

See, I didn't get to choose.

I mean, they just called me and said here, do this wedding, and I did them.

You know, here, do this wedding and I did them.

You know Brother Osteen's on television People who don't have a church.

They would call and have you got somebody to do a wedding?

And here Johnny was.

Johnny went to do the wedding.

So when we started our work I didn't do that anymore.

I was glad to do it for Brother Osteen.

He has to stand before Jesus and he has to give an account for everything that church does.

I don't want to have to give an account for marrying people that have no business being married.

I want to marry people that are in my church and I want to teach them the right way to do things and I want to impart to them how to have a successful life.

So anyway, she didn't want to obey her husband, she didn't want to take that name.

She heard all that.

A lot of Christian men are fond of that.

My wife doesn't do what I tell her.

Well, you know we'll get into that.

You're kind of hitting the high spots.

You're wrongly dividing the word of truth.

So it says here in verse 28,.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.

He that loveth his wife, loveth himself, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord, the church, for we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, and for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh.

And this is a great mystery.

But I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Well, it's a great mystery concerning marriage.

They're both true.

Christ and the church are one, and a man and his wife and the wife and her man are one.

You're one in God's sight.

So, nevertheless, let every one of you in particular, so love his wife even as himself, and let the wife see that she reverence or respect her husband.

So these verses point back to the beginning in Genesis, chapter 2.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

Let's flip back over there.

This is how it all started.

God was not confused.

God didn't just wake up one day in a certain mood and think, well, this might be good, let's try this Now.

Everything he did was purposeful and it was absolutely the right thing, right way for it to be.

And here in Genesis 2, verse 7, the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living soul.

Genesis 2:7

Now that word man, there is Adam, or Adam.

It's really humankind, mankind.

Don't think so much about the gender, as it is humanity.

And so, in verse 18, and the Lord God said it's not good that man, that Adam, that humankind be alone.

In other words, there's just one of them, and he happened to be the male.

It's not good that he'd be alone.

Just the male.

I will make him an help meet for him.

I will make him a help meet for him.

And so, and out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air and brought them unto Adam, or to humankind, or the man.

He was the man, but I mean again, don't think so much about the gender, as it is, this is humanity.

God said well, let us make a man just like us and let them have dominion over the fowls of the air and the fish of the sea and everything that creeps.

And let them have dominion, let them have authority, let them see, so he's not finished with creation, so he's still trying to complete.

Have a good partner for the man, to have something, someone to agree with.

And so he formed every beast of the field, every fowl of the air and brought them unto Adam, brought them unto Adam, humankind, to see what he would call them.

And he is 500,000 species of animals and Adam named them all.

Pretty smart guy, I think I'd have run out after about 50, let's see aardvark, armadillo, gorilla, I mean, you know, you just run out.

I mean 500,000.

But not one was a suitable partner, meat for him Suitable.

And so then, in verse 21, lord God caused a deep sleep to fall under Adam and he slept and he took one of his ribs, literally his side.

It really, you know, it might have been his rib, you know, we don't know exactly.

He had to have raw material of the man.

He took the raw material of the man, of Adam and made him a, a woman and he brought her under the man.

And Adam said this is now bone of my bones.

See now we just read that in Ephesians.

Ephesians is referring all the way back to Genesis.

Say God is not dumb, god is smart.

God's smarter than you are, he's more than we are, he's smarter than all these fools that go around saying that we can just, you know, not worry about marriage.

We can marry our cocker spaniel, or we can marry our iPad.

I mean, we've got idiots.

And it hasn't been that way very long, folks.

It's very recent.

It's because the church didn't do anything in 2014, when the Supreme Court, in its idiocy, just declared gay marriage.

There's no such thing as gay marriage.

It's between one man and one woman.

That's it.

What they have is not marriage.

This is marriage.

You got to get that.

You got to get that.

Don't, don't accept it.

Well, but my child I want to have.

Well, you can love your child without accepting everything they do and putting your stamp of approval on it.

I just be very careful about doing that.

We want to love them, but we can't just say, oh, it's okay, come on and bring your part.

No, you're not coming to my house, because this is not what I believe.

It's not what you know.

I mean, well, I didn't know any better back when they were growing.

I don't care, they ought to know better.

You can't add your agreement to it, pastor.

I mean, doesn't it say see, you're just already softening, see, and when you soften on anything, the devil can come and steal from you.

I don't want him to steal one thing.

I don't want him to steal your health.

I don't want him to steal See, let's stand and wrestle.

Let's stand for the truth.

We love our children.

They make bad decisions.

We love them through it, but we don't have to agree with their decision to love them.

We love them enough to tell them the truth about their decision and why our decision is what ours is.

You want to know why that mommy can't agree with you?

Come here, let me read to you right out of Genesis.

They might surprise you and listen.

So I say this.

In marriage ceremonies, god formed Adam out of a man's rib, closest to his heart, right by his side.

That's where the wife belongs.

She belongs not behind you, not beneath you.

You know I'm laughing when I go to India.

The women are on one side.

The men are on the other side, you know, and they're just divided up.

Here is a Christian place.

If you got a man and a wife walking down the street with a man walks in front, the wife is behind him about 20 yards.

You don't even know they're together.

It's just their culture.

Their culture is wrong.

Their culture is not scriptural.

Why can't you teach people the Bible and demand that they get their behavior?

You know I'd rag on them when I was there.

No, you know they weren't paying me to be there.

I paid for my own way, you know, and anyway.

And so in verse 23, this is when I referred to the other day Adam said this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.

She shall be called woman.

Now there there's the Hebrew word Ish-ah.

She shall be called Ish-ah because he was taken out of Ish man, capital, m-a-n.

That's his name.

His name is Ish, her name is Ish-ah.

And you know, at some point James has got a really good teaching on that whole subject, about the blood and about the man and the woman and the sides of God.

You know, god is not a man and he's not a woman, but God is a spirit and he, but he has a father's heart, but yet he does.

If you read your Bible carefully, he has a feminine side, he has a mother's side.

Oh, I wanted to, I wanted to, uh, you know, nurse you like a chick, you know, like a bunch of chicks, like a hen would would.

Hen would do the chicks, but you would not.

You told Israel.

So I mean, he has both of those tendencies in him.

So for mankind to be like God, we had to have a man and we had to have a woman, and there is no such thing as changing it.

There's no such thing as trying to have a surgery and making it different.

It won't work.

You've still got the chromosomes, amen.

So Ish said Ish, ah, he was glad to see her In verse 24,.

Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh.

There again, see, that's in Ephesians, it's also Jesus quoted it in Matthew.

A man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they too shall be one.

In Genesis 5, 2, they were so one that God called their name Adam.

He called their name Adam, adam, and so that's what it takes to take dominion and replenish the earth.

God wants us to take dominion and replenish the earth, so we get back to this woman, to be a help meet for him.

So what does that mean exactly?

Well, it means a helper, an aid.

It means to surround A woman's job, a woman's wiring.

Women are wired.

How many of you discovered women are wired different than men.

Hope you've discovered that at some point.

They're just different, thank God, thank God, they're different, but they're different in a lot point.

They're just different, thank God.

Thank God, they're different, but they're different in a lot of ways, and that's one of them.

They want to nurture, they want to.

This is their, this is all their.

Also their downfall, because they want to hook up with some bad boy and they want to fix him.

See, this is where parents come in and they have to be parents.

This is where dad has to come in.

What if dad's not there?

It can be devastating, because they'll get hooked up with some ne'er-do-well, some criminal, and try to fix him.

Well, it never works, amen.

So they want to help, they want to aid, they want to surround, and so then you've got the wife and he said I will.

A man, therefore man, shall leave his father and his mother.

So you got to beware of a mama's boy.

You got to beware of a mother that has too much influence over her son.

He's just a baby boy, he's not a man.

You know.

He's not marriage material.

You're going to try to compete with mama.

All you know.

The rest of your marriage you probably lose.

And there's a lot of comedies out there.

There's a lot of movies that are about that whole thing.

It's because it's so common you try to laugh at it, but I've seen the wreckage.

It's not funny.

It's not funny when that happens.

And so there's some roles that we have to fulfill in our marriage.

So you know, there's this idea of a new family.

That's the point.

The new family is completely independent of where they came from.

You know you've got the little girl.

You know that's my daddy's girl.

You know you got to be careful about daddy's girl.

Daddy's girl can be daddy's girl, but it's going to have to be a distance.

Now there have got to be boundaries.

And you know 30 years of pastoring full time and another eight years before that of doing a lot of work at Lakewood pastoral work with married people that were having trouble.

I've seen a whole lot of bad boundaries.

There are no boundaries and the dreckage that it causes.

Boundaries.

There are no boundaries and the wreckage that it causes.

And the man shall cleave.

Everybody shout cleave.

So the word cleave means to catch by pursuit, to cling to, to adhere to, to stick Men.

That's what you're supposed to do.

You're supposed to cleave to your wife, You're to pursue her.

You're to stick with her.

Amen, cling to her, adhere to her.

And when you compare that to Ecclesiastes 4 that we read to begin with.

I mean, you know, you lay down and you give each other warmth in the wintertime, you know, and maybe in the summertime it's kind of too hot, so you have to kind of get away from each other.

But anyway, or am I the only one that has to do that?

Praise the Lord.

And so these things that I'm talking about certainly imply some basic truths that need to be practiced consistently and regularly.

We'll get into some of those a little bit tonight.

Ephesians 4, I knew that was on my list.

Let's go back to Ephesians.

If you weren't here, sunday night I did a teaching on saving the soul and it would be a good supplement to this teaching right here.

Saving the soul, because I talked about bonds or ties that exist between souls of people.

And Ephesians, chapter 4, talk about it, verse 1, I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that you walk worthy of the vocation wherewith you're called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love, except if you're married, no, especially when you're married.

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

I mean, if he's commanding people to treat each other like that in the church, he definitely means forbear one another in love in a marriage, because you're going to have to forbear one another.

He's going to do things, she's going to do things and you can drive you up the wall sometimes and you've got to forbear, endeavoring to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.

Bond the tie, the rope, the cord.

Threefold cord is a bond.

So, godly, marriage creates soul ties that are designed to identify the family unit.

You have a soul tie between the father and the mother because of the marital relation that occurs in the marriage that produces children.

As soon as you have that relation with your wife or your husband, there is a bond.

That bond is designed to be only undertaken under the covenant of marriage, where the father, god, is the third person to a covenant.

When there is no covenant, it's an extramarital relationship, fornication in other words.

Well then, there's no covenant, but there is a bond.

That bond is established outside of god's will, it's outside of what god wants and it can create damage in one or both of the people where the bond is.

I mean it can.

It can hurt the man, it can hurt the woman, hurt them both, and if you have that all the time as a just way of life, you come in and let's just say later in life you get saved.

I was using Fred Price as an example because he was a young man and he had lots of girlfriends and he had lots of activity as a young man.

And then he gets married and he gets saved after he gets married and oh, he's so happy to be married, he's happy with his wife, he's got the right lady.

But then while they're having a date night, all of a sudden this face comes up before him of an old girlfriend and it kind of rains on their parade a little bit.

I mean it's pretty unnerving.

I mean you're right in the middle of a romantic interlude and all of a sudden you're, you're thinking about Sally Jo from 20 years ago.

See, this is the kind of thing that can while we're laughing it was kind of tongue-in-cheek, but sometimes there's pain involved and so you have that to overcome.

You have that to overcome in a blended family.

I'm not condemning a blended family, I'm just saying this is what you've got to overcome.

You've got to overcome the soul tie from previous spouses.

It's there, it's there.

Are you with me now?

So he says, endeavoring to keep the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace.

See, we want the bond of shalom, don't we Don't.

You want the shalom in your marriage, amen.

So the marital union creates a tie or a bond that keeps the husband and wife knit together, keeps the father and the son and the father and the daughter knit together, it keeps the mother and the son, the mother and the daughter knit together and it keeps the brother and the sister knit together.

In other words, the whole family have these bonds and God designed them to have them.

So when we stray outside of the covenant, you see, then these bonds exist and create emotional and physical and spiritual trouble.

So it's not like God is just raining on our parade and wants us to be, you know, unhappy.

He's protecting us and mainly he's protecting the integrity of his building block.

The family that built all of society is built on In every society that got rid of marriage, every society that became promiscuous, failed and went away.

You look at it, the history is filled with mighty nations like the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire.

All those empires got away from doing things God's way.

They all knew about it.

This book's been around.

They all knew about it.

God's way, they all knew about it.

This book's been around.

They all knew about it.

They might not have been followers of the God of Abraham, isaac and Jacob, but they followed that pattern.

Ancient civilizations followed the pattern of marriage and the ones that got away from it crumbled.

Are you with me now?

All right, so marriage facts.

Let's get into marriage facts.

Number one marriage is a love covenant between one man and one woman and God himself.

Always remember God's part of your covenant.

He's there as the Word and the Spirit.

Number two let's think about God as the Word and the Spirit.

It's not God way up there, it's what comes out of your mouth.

It's the Spirit of God that you stir up inside of.

You see, sometimes you've just got to stir up the holy ghost, especially when you're sad, especially when you are in disagreement.

You're going to have disagreements as as a couple.

What about she's supposed to obey me?

I'll get to that in a minute.

What are you going to do what it says in ephesians?

Later in the chapter, it says submit yourself one to another in the fear.

What are you going to do what it says in Ephesians?

Later in the chapter, it says submit yourself one to another in the fear of God.

So submission is not one way.

It's not just the wife.

We'll get to it.

So marriage is a love covenant between one man and one woman, god himself and the God.

Part of the cord is the word and the spirit.

It's not just lip service, it's your confession, it's your believing in your heart and speaking with your mouth and the Holy Ghost.

And this love is agape, the God kind of love.

Agape, 1 Corinthians 13.

I mean, when you're having trouble in your marriage, go to 1 Corinthians 13 and amplify it and read it and see how well you're doing.

Look in the mirror Before you point the finger at your spouse, look in the mirror and see how well you're doing.

My guess is you won't be doing that great if you're honest with yourself.

So just do you know before you start criticizing your lover, your spouse, and all of that trying to be the right fighter and be right.

Let's be humble.

Let's endeavor to keep the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace, that threefold cord, that bond.

Is this helping you, agape?

So husbands, love their wives, give themselves, sacrifice themselves as Christ loves the church.

Forget about the obedience part.

We'll get to that submission in a minute.

What are you doing?

Are you loving them sacrificially?

Are you putting them first?

Love is always putting the other person first.

Love doesn't insist on its own way.

We're happening to that obedience thing now.

That obedience is kind of silly, really.

Even make an issue of that when you start talking.

Every time I've been around this for a long time and I've heard guys say well, my wife, she doesn't submit to me, she needs counseling, she's just not submitting.

Well, you're not submitted to Jesus.

How can she submit to you?

You're not submitted to the Word.

What's coming out of your mouth is poppycock.

You want your wife to do everything for you and you want to come home and kick back and have her bring you slippers and all of that garbage.

I mean, that's just a bunch of baloney.

And you know, in the Bible days women were keepers at home and we're not that anymore, are we?

Most families are two-income families, and so the idea that the husband's just going to come home and breeze in and sit down in his easy chair and his wife's going to come and take his shoes off and put his slippers on and bring him a cold beverage and pat him on the head with a wet rag what happened to you?

Couldn't you sit her down and maybe rub her feet Because she worked hard all day too.

So see, love is not expecting something from your spouse, it's love is trying to give them something.

Really, when you've got two people love each other like they should, they're out doing it one another, loving each other.

They can't do enough for each other, they just can't do enough for each other.

And so that's the heart.

See, that's the heart.

So love your wives, give yourself, sacrifice yourself for your wife or your wife.

The Bible says nourish her, cherish her.

Does anybody know what sweet nothings are?

Brenda Lee was like a 13-year-old prodigy, I think, from Georgia.

She was a country girl and she was a few years older than me, but in the 50s she came out with a song called Sweet Nothings and it's talking about her boyfriend would just whisper in her ear things she liked to hear Sweet nothings, terms of endearment, sweet little words like I love you, you're so beautiful tonight.

You know, love you, you're so beautiful tonight.

You know compliments, and so you know.

To cherish your wife means to talk to her in a way that she wants to hear.

Women are auditory, men are visual.

Men have to see something.

They see it, they like it or not.

If they see cold cream and hair curlers, they're not going to be in a dirty house coat and some of those big old fuzzy slippers.

They're not going to be real excited.

But if you made a little effort, he's going to be pretty excited to see that.

But on the flip side, I mean, a woman is more.

She wants to hear the sweet nothing.

She wants to hear those words that men sometimes just can't bring themselves to say.

I'm talking about your job.

Word says you should nourish her and cherish her.

What does it mean?

Well, I'm telling you what it means.

It's words.

And yeah, yeah, I mean you know it means it's words.

And yeah, yeah, I mean you know, bring home the bacon, yeah.

Provide for the living, absolutely, yeah.

Pursue her, cling to her, stick with her, lay with her.

Now, that's, that's just.

We've been married 25.

I don't care how long you've been married, this is your job.

When you quit doing that, what happens to her?

She starts shriveling up.

She's not getting her needs met and you're not meeting them.

That's not love, that's not the love of god.

And so now you know your, your marriage.

I've seen people, you know they just take each other for granted and then they don't talk right to each other, they squawk at each other, they get in, you know, and oh you old goat, oh you old, you're Hitler or whatever.

You know, you can tease your husband, but be careful, your husband needs respect.

Let me get into the woman's part here in a minute.

But the men, the men, have got to set the tone.

If you don't set the tone, the wife can't follow.

She's you're the head, you're the head.

The Bible says you're the head.

What does it mean to be the head Boss?

No, responsible.

You are the responsible party that God looks to as to the direction your house is headed.

He's not going to call your wife up.

He's not going to call your kids up.

He's going to call you up because you're the head of that house and you've allowed it to go south, because you haven't done the work, you haven't agape'd your wife, you haven't nourished her, cherished her.

You haven't put her first Amen, amen.

We haven't nourished her, cherished her.

You hadn't put her first Amen, amen.

We hadn't even gotten to the obey yet.

It's almost irrelevant, isn't it All right?

So, and then establish boundaries between parents and siblings and your family.

In other words, let's just say you know you've got mama, you're a mama's boy and you know it.

And your mama just thinks you know it's always making over you.

Well, that's fine, there's nothing wrong.

I'm not saying you've got to stop it, but you know, if, if you're, if your mother starts to treat your wife or or be presumptuous about the boundaries between their house and my and your house, then you're the one, not not your wife.

Don't put your wife in the position of having to talk to her mother-in-law.

No, you do that.

You're the husband, you're the son of the mother that maybe got out of order.

It happens all the time.

It's easy.

You know, I had parents.

I mean they were wonderful parents.

They loved Gladys.

I mean they were so for her.

I mean they were wonderful parents.

They loved Gladys.

I mean they were so for her.

We had been married a couple of years and we moved to Houston and we lived in an apartment with four children, and so now we're living in the city where everybody is.

My brother is here, both my sisters live here, my parents live here in the area.

So my whole family's here, gladys' family is elsewhere, but my family's right here in Houston.

So it got to where every weekend, since we're without kids and we don't have any real particular plans, well, we just get included to drive to Conroe to be at my sister's house.

It's like a miniature family reunion every week, every week, you know.

And Gladys said are we going to go there again this week?

Well, yeah, we don't have anything else to do.

And I, I kind of ran over her.

I wasn't saving at the time, I didn't know how to treat her.

I just kind of oh yeah, you know, I didn't want to have to say no, I didn't want to be the one to say no.

Finally, about the third week in a row, she said well, I'm sorry, but I can't do that and I want my time off.

I want to be able to go shopping over here.

You know, I've got other things, I've got washing to do.

I don't want to go, you don't want to go.

See, I had to handle it and I remember here I am 23 or four years old and I'm picking up the phone to call my parents to say we're not coming and they gave me the third degree.

Well, what in the world?

What have you got going?

And you have a bad the bed.

I said, you know what?

We just need some time alone.

I mean, we're young married couple, we just need to hang out together without coming around a whole family.

You know, we've been there two weeks in a row.

Oh oh, I didn't.

It's a kind of hurt their feelings.

See, that's your job, not your wife's, because if your wife does it you're going to drive a wedge in there, but you can get away with it because you're the favorite.

Is this helping anybody?

I'm talking about boundaries.

What did it say?

It said leave your father's house.

It didn't say cleave to your father's house and leave your wife.

It said leave and cleave.

All right marriage facts.

Now this continued Almost done here.

Get anything out of this, all right.

So it's agape.

Pursue peace and agreement with your wife.

Let her be a help to you.

She's your help meet.

She surrounds you, she aids you.

Let her.

That took me a while and even after I got saved I found that I had not utilized her the way that I could have, because she was very successful.

Back then they had secretaries.

I mean, she ran one-girl offices for a lot of years.

She was very well thought of at every place she worked.

She had three different jobs, I think.

Before Jay came along she worked after Claire was born a little while longer and then, when Jay was born.

She quit for good and was a stay-at-home mom after that, but she had a lot of gifts that I don't have and of course, you know, starting this church, I've had to lean on.

Glad had a lot of gifts that I don't have and of course, you know, starting this church, I've had to lean on Gladys a lot because she just reads and she picks things up that I don't pick up and I've had to learn to really let her be a help meet for me.

I mean, yeah, it's a wonderful thing, it's a fantastic thing.

And then your wife.

Men, they're going to blossom when you allow them to occupy that space that they're God-ordained to do.

This is how they're wired.

Find out where she can help you and I tell you they can help, but you've got to let them All right.

Now for the wives you have to need to honor.

Got to let them All right.

Now for the wives you have to need to honor and respect your husband.

You know wives need sweet words and men do too.

Men need to be honored and respected when they're disrespected.

I've been around women that just tear their men down with their tongue, and women sometimes can have the ability with their vocabulary and their, you know, just depending on who they hang out with.

It's not wise to do that.

It's better to be humble.

It's better just to bow your head and just bear along with them.

Forbear, honor and respect your husband.

Listen patiently to him, give him your best advice.

Let him pursue you, let him catch you.

Don't make him chase you until he can't chase you any longer.

Be catchable.

If his job is to pursue, then your job is to be caught.

Amen.

Be responsive to his advances.

Boy, it's silent in here.

Well, you just don't know my husband.

He just is very demanding.

Well, you know, maybe you need to communicate a little bit.

Do it some other time besides when he's advancing.

You know, if you're the type of person this could be on either side that's not as passionate, I'll put it that way.

But you know, if you're the one that's content with just ever great once in a while and you're married to somebody that needs a lot more attention than that, well then you know that's a place of communication.

You need to communicate that.

You need to get in agreement and really that's something.

I know it's a little difficult, but that can be talked about in the premarital area, and I realize, in the premarital area before you're married.

You don't really know exactly, but I think most people kind of know how they are in that area and really I think you know I mean it's been my experience that sometimes you know, I've observed this that women are too holy to be approached.

They just somehow they've got the idea that marital relations are not that you know, acceptable.

Well, the marriage bed is undefiled.

I mean, that whole thing is absolutely God ordained.

It must happen, it must be there and without it you don't have intimacy.

And intimacy is much more than just that, but it's not less than that.

I said, intimacy is a lot more than marital relations, but it's not less than that.

So if you've got marital relations once a year, then you have no intimacy.

If you have no intimacy, you have no agreement and you are drifting along, separate.

And what's going to happen when you, whenever things change in your household, like the kids leave?

You have nothing, you have nothing left.

And then I see people divorce.

How horrible is that.

You've got grandkids and kids, you're in your 60s and you divorce.

Then and they say, well, I just stayed together for my kids.

I say, well, you didn't do them any favors, you didn't help them at all, because they saw how miserable you were.

You think you could fake it.

Are you that great an actress?

Do you belong in Hollywood?

Or actor?

I've seen it both ways.

No, you need to come together, be catchable, be responsive to his advances.

And, men, advance, you know.

Chase your wife, don't be sitting around waiting for her.

You take the initiative.

Men this is another thing.

Because of the way the corporate ladders are formed, there's such stress at work, there's such stress on the job site that men are worn completely out.

They've lost all of their drive, they've been beat up, they're under pressure, and so they come home and there's just not a whole lot left to give.

So that these are things that you've got to sit down and love each other enough to talk about them at separate times.

Pick your, pick your times when you're going to talk about these things and get together, stay very close women, stay very close to him and endeavor to agree with him so that shalom can abound in your home.

So when you look up the word uh, when you look up the word uh submit, the Greek is a military term and the word submit in the military term means that you're in an outfit and you have a leader.

You know you've got the captain or the general or the colonel or whoever's leading the outfit and everybody lines up under that command and they split up their duties for one goal.

But in the non-military, in other words, in the marital area, it just means that the wife doesn't have to take the initiative.

He's responsible for the direction.

And when you have had sufficient input every wife should have.

If you're a help meet for him, you're going to inform him of your opinion, about his plans.

Honey, you know, I'm just tired of my job.

I hate it every day that I go and I have decided I've already tendered my resignation and I'm going to join the circus and I'm going to train dogs to jump through hoops of fire.

That's stupid, right.

And he just springs that on you.

He just tells you well, you're not.

That's not fun, you're not functioning.

Well, she's got to obey.

No, you're, you're not.

You're not treating her in the right way.

She didn't get a chance to help you.

She didn't get a chance to listen to your complaints.

She didn't get a chance to come up with a better suggestion.

She didn't even get a chance to pray.

You see what I'm saying Um, uh, so that that word submit just means that you honor him, that you have confidence in him and that after you have had sufficient amount of input into some decision, whether it's a financial decision, a decision to move, a decision to to do anything like that.

You know, move, moving is a big deal.

The location of will of God is one of them.

That's number one.

Just ask Elijah go to the Brook Cherith.

I've commanded ravens to feed you there, not at the Brook Jebok, at the Brook Cherith.

If he'd have showed up at Jebok, there wouldn't be no ravens.

So you know.

I go to Zarephath, have the brook dried up.

Go to Zarephath.

I've commanded a widow woman to feed you there.

Well, if he'd have showed up at Gilead, well, there wouldn't have been no widow woman to feed him there, right?

So the locational will of God is so important.

So you men, you shouldn't make that decision by yourself and expect your wife just to jump through a hoop and say, okay, when do we pack?

No, you're going to consult with her.

She's a help meet for you and you're going to communicate.

She's going to communicate her and she's going to communicate her reservations, if there are any.

There probably are going to be some and well gosh, we can't take the kids out of school.

This is the best school we've ever.

Dah, dah, dah.

You know she'll give you the other side of the deal.

Is this helping anybody?

Sounds like common sense, but we've lost a lot of common sense so.

So this thing about submission is really two ways.

You're submitting first to God and then you submit to each other and, yes, he is the head.

So when he finally has the tiebreaker, let's just say you've had your input, he's had his input.

He said honey, I heard what you said.

I really really I've committed this to prayer.

I really really believe it's God for us to do such and such.

Then, as his wife, then you can submit to his decision because he didn't just wall you off, he didn't just make an independent decision.

Is this helping you now off, he didn't just make an independent decision.

Are y'all?

Is this helping you now?

It's none of this stuff about some guy going around and just ordering you to do this and ordering you to.

That's not, that's not godly marriage, that's, that's baloney.

So, and then on your side, you know you left your parents and you you, you parents and you're married.

Now You're the wife and I like to tell people.

You know your wife is the queen of your home.

You might be the king, but she's the queen and anything in the home is hers.

You stick your nose in it.

You ought to get it cut off.

I mean you shouldn't offer your decorating.

You know you don't know anything about decorating.

Come on, just let her have her house like she wants it.

Let her have the bedroom.

It's too freely.

Well, whatever, you're not in there that long.

You're in there a few hours a night.

Let you know what's the big deal.

Why don't you let your wife have something that's hers in the marriage and she decorate the house.

She's the keeper.

See, this is.

We used to have that.

I mean, my mother was a stay at home mom and Gladys was stay at home mom.

I didn't come in that house with my shoes on.

I didn't lay on a made bed.

Every bed in the house was made.

Why?

Well, because we had a model home.

I was a home builder and my house was a model home.

When I brought people over, it needed to be clean, the beds needed to be made.

There was not a bunch of trash everywhere, I mean.

So she spent man.

She was real strict.

And if I laid down on my master bedroom we had a nice expensive one of those bedspreads, you know, and the poofed-up pillows and all that If I made the mistake of laying on that bed I heard about it hey, what are you doing laying?

I made that bed Get up and so that's why I started laying on the couch.

Only the couch was my place.

So now that we have two income families, you see, you're going to have to kind of, you're going to have to make allowances, that men that your wife works to and you work and you're not making all these demands on her.

And you know if she needs help with something, you ought to be able to wash dishes every now and then you ought to be able to change a diaper.

You ought to be able to do anything she does and help her.

And if you're too good to do that well, you need to repent.

You're going to hurt your marriage.

You're going to hurt your marriage If to hurt your marriage, you're going to hurt your marriage.

If you keep doing that over and over, you finally build resentment, and now that's going to block God's blessings.

Because when two don't agree, now that's when God's blessings are interrupted and you start having lots of fusses and fumes and so on, the healthy boundaries.

Getting back to your parents and your siblings If you've got something that you need to deal with, maybe you've got parents.

I've heard this has come up before where every year the parents and their unmarried kids would come and stay every year for two weeks.

It was their right to come and stay at this couple's house and it was a very inconvenient.

I mean, I can see that doing that once.

But man, every year it's a two week deal where you're bringing your you and and and mother-in-law and father-in-law and a couple of kids and they're staying in your already crowded house and everybody's sleeping on the floor and everybody and you're trying to, you both work and you're trying to keep meals going and and you're you, you're running a glorified bed and breakfast for everyone's convenience, of your husband's family or your wife's family.

See, the husband might get irritated but he can't handle that.

Who has to handle it?

Wife has to handle that.

Grow up, grow a backbone and call them and say Well, you know we're not available.

You'll have to get your hotel this time because we just can't do this every year.

It's not convenient for us.

We've got this, this and this.

So if you want to come, we'd love to see you, but we can't take two weeks off.

We just can't, and so that might make them uncomfortable.

Well, that's the wife's family.

She should be able to get that done.

I think anybody can understand when they become a burden instead of a blessing, and that can happen, right.

Well, what does that have to do?

It has to do with your marriage and your shalom and your bond of peace that you're going to have, and not stretching that thing to where it's all tense.

Praise God.

So as we begin to think about these things in light of God's Word, we begin to be doers of the Word and not hearers.

Only then we can reap the benefits of heaven on earth.

I tell you, your house can be heaven on earth.

Come on, lift your hands and receive tonight.