Friends and Friendship

Please turn with me to Proverbs chapter 27.

Proverbs 27 · chapter mention

Let me pray for the reading and preaching of God's Word.

Let me pray for the reading and preaching of God's Word.

Let me pray for the reading and preaching of God's Word.

as we learn from Proverbs 27

about your design for friendship,

won't you shape us more and more

to be the kind of friends to one another

that Jesus has been to us.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.

Proverbs 27.

Do not boast about tomorrow,

for you do not know what a day may bring.

Let another praise you,

and not your own mouth,

a stranger and not your own lips.

A stone is heavy and sand is weighty,

but a fool's provocation is heavier than both.

Wrath is cruel,

anger is overwhelming,

but who can stand before jealousy?

Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

profuse are the kisses of an enemy.

One who is full loathes honey,

but to one who is hungry,

everything bitter is sweet.

like a bird that strays from its nest,

is a man who strays from his home.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad,

and the sweetness of a friend.

And the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.

Do not forsake your friend,

Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend,

and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity.

Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.

Be wise,

my son,

and make my heart glad,

that I may answer him who reproaches me.

The prudent sees danger and hides himself,

but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Take a man's garment when he has put up security for a stranger,

and hold it in pledge when he puts up security for an adulteress.

Whoever blesses his neighbor with the loud voice rising early in the morning

will be counted as cursing.

A continual dripping on a rainy day,

and a quarrelsome wife are alike.

To restrain her is to restrain the wind,

or to grasp oil in one's right hand.

Iron sharpens iron,

and one man sharpens another.

Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit,

and he who guards his master will be honored.

As in water, face reflects face,

so the heart of man reflects the man.

Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied,

and never satisfied are the eyes of man.

The crucible is for silver,

and the furnace is for gold,

and a man is tested by his praise.

Crush a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain,

yet his folly will not depart from him.

Know well the condition of your flocks,

and give attention to your hurts.

For riches do not last forever,

and does a crown endure to all generations?

When the grass is gone,

and the new growth appears,

and the vegetation of the mountain is gathered,

the lambs will provide your clothing,

and the goats the price of a field.

There will be enough goat's milk for your food,

for the food for your household,

and maintenance for your growths.

This is God's holy and authoritative word.

It's particularly appropriate,

as we as a church family mourn

the loss of a dear friend,

that we look at a passage

about friendship,

what it means to be a true friend.

Because everyone needs friends,

but what kind of friends should we seek?

How do we make friends?

How do we keep friends?

What kind of friends should we be?

These are all questions that we have asked ourselves.

And the two different Hebrew words for friend,

which sometimes translate neighbor in this passage,

occur again and again,

six times throughout this chapter,

to tell us that that's what this chapter

is primarily about.

And it gives us many of God's wise answers

to these questions.

In verses 1 to 4,

it tells us to don't make it about yourself.

In verses 5 to 10,

it tells us to be forthright and faithful.

Verses 11 to 22,

it tells us to choose your friends wisely.

And verses 23 to 27,

it tells us to make friends for the future.

The first lesson about friendship

is that we shouldn't make it about ourselves.

We see this in verses 1 to 4.

It says,

Do not boast about tomorrow,

for you do not know what a day may bring.

Let another praise you and not your own mouth,

a stranger and not your own lips.

The first two verses are joined together

by the common word praise,

which is translated as boast in verse 1,

and praise in verse 2.

They forbid self-praise,

but invite the praise of strangers.

We are never meant to boast about tomorrow

or to praise our tomorrow,

our great prospects,

our grand plans,

for we do not know what a day may bring.

Tomorrow is not guaranteed to any of us.

And that reality should humble us.

That reality should humble us before God

and keep us from boasting.

James 4, 13 to 15 echoes this wisdom.

Come now, you who say,

today or tomorrow,

we will go into such and such a town

and spend a year there

and trade and make a profit.

Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.

What is your life?

For you are a mist that appears for a little time

and then vanishes.

Instead, you ought to say,

if the Lord wills,

we will live and do this or that.

If you are the kind of person like me

that likes to make plans long into the future,

like to talk about those plans,

it could be a sign and evidence of pride.

It's not wrong to make tentative plans

and diligent preparations,

but we should do so with the understanding

that our plans are always contingent on God's plans.

I think during the pandemic,

we recovered a little bit of that humility.

And it would serve us to remember that lesson

for our entire lives.

We don't know how long the virus will be around.

We don't know whether the economy will rebound or not.

We don't know whether or not we will keep our jobs,

whether or not we will be alive next year or not.

It will serve us to remember this

and stay humble in our lives.

A person who dwells in the past is despondent.

A person who dwells in the future is prideful.

Only the person who dwells in the present,

in light of eternity, can be faithful.

So we should never praise ourselves.

We should never boast about our future.

We should never talk up our own potential and prospects.

The only praise that is acceptable

is the praise that others bestow on us.

Verse 2 says,

Let another praise you and not your own mouth.

A stranger and not your own lips.

I read this week that there is a German proverb

that goes like this.

Self-praise stinks.

Friends' praise limps.

Strangers' praise rings.

Human beings are capable of endless self-deception.

We are also capable of selfish flattery.

And for these reasons, it's the praise of another,

a stranger.

Praise from someone who has nothing to gain from praising you.

That is truly to be valued.

This is an important foundation for friendship

because no one likes self-absorbed, socially insecure people

who make everything, every relationship about themselves.

Verse 3 says this,

A stone is heavy and sand is weighty,

but a fool's provocation is heavier than both.

When we need to weigh things down,

to keep from blowing away a sign or something that we put up,

for example, in our outdoor services,

we use sandbags, stones, because they are heavy.

But a self-absorbed fool's provocation,

it says, is heavier than both.

The word heavy used here is the same Hebrew word

that is sometimes translated honor or glory.

And the Hebrew word for sand is,

it looks and sounds almost identical to the word praise

used in verses 1 and 2.

So both the heavy stone and weighty sand

are reminiscent of the self-absorbing

and self-glorying of the fool.

The self-honoring and self-glorifying of the fool.

And that self-absorption and boasting

weighs down all of his friendships

so that they cannot blossom and flourish.

Verse 4 continues,

wrath is cruel and anger is overwhelming,

but who can stand before jealousy?

Just as the fool's provocation

is heavier than both stone and sand,

so it says jealousy

that this fool's self-absorbed,

self-centered boasting creates

is overwhelming,

more overwhelming than cruel wrath and anger.

In common English,

we use the words jealousy and envy interchangeably.

But if we get technical,

jealousy is the longing and zeal

that a person feels

when something or someone

that rightly belongs to him or her

is threatened.

That's jealousy.

For example,

when a woman gets jealous for her husband,

when another woman flirts with him,

she should feel jealous

for him in that instance

because her husband rightly belongs to her.

And jealousy in that instance

is a sign of love

as opposed to indifference.

This is what is meant

when Scripture describes God

as a jealous God

who is jealous for his people.

He is jealous for us

when we turn to idols.

He is jealous for us

because we rightly belong to him.

Our allegiance,

our affection,

belong to him.

On the other hand,

envy is the longing

that a person feels

for something or someone

that belongs to another.

For example,

when we are envious

of another person's fortunes,

looks,

relationships,

successes.

Another way to make this distinction

is to differentiate

between being jealous

for something or someone,

which is healthy,

and being jealous

of something or someone,

which is envy.

This unhealthy jealousy

is more severe

and unyielding

than even overwhelming cruel anger.

And in this climate

of self-absorbed boasting

and other-absorbed envy,

the seeds of friendship

cannot grow.

And so that's the first lesson

on friendship

from this chapter,

that friendship requires

mutuality and self-giving.

If we make it about ourselves,

it doesn't work.

The second lesson is this,

be forthright and faithful.

We can see this

in verses 5 to 10.

It says,

Better is open rebuke

than hidden love.

Faithful are the wounds

of a friend.

Profuse are the kisses

of an enemy.

This striking proverb

contrasts open rebuke,

which is paradoxical,

contrasts it with hidden love.

Likewise,

it also contrasts

friendly wounds,

which is paradoxical,

with enemy kisses.

A true friend

is willing to inflict

faithful wounds

on his or her friends.

When he sees his friend

in wrongdoing,

he takes the personal risk

of confronting him or her

and correcting him or her

because his love for his friend

outweighs his desire

for self-preservation.

In contrast,

the unfaithful friend

hides his love

and does not rebuke his friend

because he is cowardly

and selfish

and does not want to risk

being rejected.

Though ostensibly,

he may refrain from rebuking

his friend

out of an interest

for his feelings.

I don't want to hurt my friend

because he's too dear to me.

In reality,

he's looking out

for his own interests.

In this way,

the hidden love

has more in common,

it says according to this

poetical comparison,

with the profuse kisses

of an enemy,

like the kiss of Judas

that betrayed our Lord Jesus.

It's insincere,

deceitful,

hypocritical.

A good friend is faithful,

meaning he is trustworthy

and reliable.

If he sees you going down

the wrong path,

even at the risk

of being spurned,

he will correct you.

So forthrightness

and faithfulness

are essential elements

of true love,

true friendship.

And that's why

the famous command

in Leviticus 19.18,

love your neighbor

as yourself,

is preceded immediately

by verse 17,

which says,

do not hate

a fellow Israelite

in your heart.

Rebuke your neighbor

frankly

so you will not share

in their guilt.

The importance

of giving earnest

counsel to one's friend

is highlighted again

in verses 7-10.

Please follow along

with me as I read it.

One who is full

loathes honey,

but to one who is hungry

everything bitter

is sweet.

Like a bird that strays

from its nest

is a man who strays

from his home.

Oil and perfume

make the heart glad,

and the sweetness

of a friend

comes from his

earnest counsel.

Do not forsake

your friend

and your father's friend

and do not go

to your brother's house

in the day of your calamity.

Better is a neighbor

who is near

than a brother

who is far away.

These verses

that I just read

have an alternating pattern.

So verse 7

is paralleled

by verse 9.

Verse 8

is paralleled

by verse 10.

Verse 7

speaks of

sweet honey

and verse 9

speaks of

the sweetness

of a friend

who provides

earnest counsel.

Verse 7

repeats the word

soul.

Literally,

it's the soul

who's full

loathes honey,

but to the soul

who is hungry

everything bitter

is sweet.

And that word

is repeated again

in verse 9

where earnest counsel

is literally

counsel of soul,

a soulish counsel.

And these verbal

connections

between verses 7

and 9

illuminate each other.

Because verse 7

at the literal level

simply says

that if you're

a picky eater,

it's because

you haven't really

known hunger.

That's true.

As it says

in Pinocchio

that I'm reading

to my daughters

right now,

hunger is the best sauce.

But this verse

isn't really

about appetite.

It's about friendship

as verse 9

makes clear.

In other words,

if you surround

yourself

with so-called

friends,

who are eager

to party with you

and tell you

what you want

to hear,

if you have

your fill

of such friends,

you're going

to loathe

even the honey-like

sweetness

of a friend

who gives you

earnest counsel.

You're going

to be too full

of the gossip,

the chatter,

the flattery,

and frivolous talk

of unfaithful friends

to appreciate

the open rebuke

and earnest counsel

of a faithful friend.

And

Proverbs 18,

24 puts it

this way,

a man of

many companions

may come

to ruin,

but there's

a friend

who sticks

closer

than a brother.

Instead of

getting full

on many companions

who do nothing

to prevent us

from ruin,

we are to find

the friend

who sticks

closer than a brother

who is willing

to give us

the sweetness

of earnest

counsel.

The flip side

of this verse

is also true.

Verse 7,

it says,

But to one

who is hungry,

everything bitter

is sweet.

If you are

starved for friendship,

if you're lonely

and desperate

for some kind

of affirmation,

even that which

is bitter

is going to taste

sweet to you.

Even bitter friends

who make your life

miserable

are going to seem

desirable to you.

To summarize then,

being sated

by bad friends

will make you

despise a good friend,

and the lack

of good friends

will make you

pine for bad friends.

Bad friends.

In order to avoid

these pitfalls,

we need to be wise

in choosing

our friends.

We need to befriend

those who will give us

the honor of open

rebuke

and earnest counsel.

Similarly,

verse 8 and verse 10

parallel and explain

each other.

Verse 8 says,

Like a bird

that strays

from its nest

is a man

who strays

from his home.

And verse 10 says,

Do not forsake

your friend

and your father's friend,

and do not go

to your brother's house

in the day

of your calamity.

Better is a neighbor

who is near

than a brother

who is far away.

These verses

emphasize the importance

of geographic nearness

in friendship.

There are benefits

in remaining close

to your family

and friends at home.

A bird that strays

from its nest

is out of its element.

It is isolated

and vulnerable.

One simple

and obvious application

from this

is that we should think

twice before we leave

our network

of family and friends

for school,

for a job,

or for no other reason

than leaving home.

It's easier

to get a good education

or to find a good job

than to make faithful friends

or to find a good church.

church.

Some of you

have experienced this

during your time

in Boston.

You moved here

for one purpose

or another

and realized

that you are a bird

that has strayed

from its nest,

isolated,

lonely.

Verse 10 continues,

like a bird

that strays

from its nest.

Those who forsake

their friend

and their father's friend

in the day

of their calamity

and instead

seek help

from faraway relatives

are going to be

isolated and vulnerable.

They're going to be

disappointed.

In our modern

digital age

of frequent air travel

and Zoom,

physical distance

seems increasingly

irrelevant.

But this proverb

reminds us

of the importance

of embodied nearness.

A hallmark

of a good friend

is faithfulness,

constancy,

dependability.

And a brother

who is far away

is not going to be able

to provide that for you.

No matter how loyal

or kind he might be,

by the simple fact

that he's not here,

he's not going to always

be there for you.

His attention

and his focus

are rightfully elsewhere.

Do you have friends

who are nearby

that you can call,

that you can go over

to their house

in your day of calamity?

Do you have such friends?

Or are your primary

relational investments

still in family and friends

who are far away?

Especially in a transient

city like ours,

this proverb offers

a helpful corrective.

You should lay down roots

wherever you end up

and make friends

with those who are near you,

even if you're only there

for a year.

Because you don't know

what tomorrow may bring.

An unforeseen calamity

might strike you

or you may be there

for longer than you know

or longer than you imagine.

Better is a neighbor

who is near

than a brother

who is far away.

Wherever you are,

you should invest

in relationships.

and as a church

in this transient city,

we have a wonderful opportunity

to be that good neighbor

and that faithful friend

to all those who come

through our doors.

And then verses 11 to 22

teach us to choose

our friends wisely.

It begins in verses 11 and 12.

Be wise, my son,

and make my heart glad

that I may answer him

who reproaches me.

The prudent sees danger

and hides himself,

but the simple go on

and suffer for it.

These verses anticipate

a family adversary

who seeks to bring shame

to the father.

And while this is generally

true everywhere,

especially in this

intensely family-oriented culture

that Proverbs was written in,

how the child fares

is directly affected,

it directly affects

the way the parent

is esteemed.

So here,

the father implores his son

to be wise

and make my heart glad

that I may answer him

who reproaches me.

He wants his son

to be prudent

and to avoid danger

rather than being

a simple fool

who walks headlong

into trouble.

And the primary kind

of danger and suffering

that the father

wants his child to avoid

in this context

of chapter 27

is the danger

of bad companions

and the suffering

that poorly chosen

friends bring.

As I said earlier

in Proverbs 13, 20,

whoever walks

with the wise

becomes wise,

but the companion

of fools

will suffer harm.

This highlights

something unique

about friendship

and that's this,

that friendship

is entirely elective.

You can't choose

your parents.

You can't choose

your siblings.

You can't really

even choose

your neighbors.

but you have

chosen all

of your friends.

And this is why

it's so important

to be careful

with whom we choose.

The Four Loves,

a book by C.S. Lewis,

describes friendship

this way.

He says,

it is the least

natural of loves,

the least instinctive,

organic,

biological,

gregarious,

and necessary.

He's pointing out

the fact that

friends are some

relationships that

don't,

they're not forced

upon you.

Rather,

they're relationships

that you choose.

And as much as

we like to think

in our liberal

individualistic culture

that we are

self-sufficient

or that we are

self-made people,

we are anything

but that.

We romanticize

the idea

of self-determination.

I'm my own person,

we say.

I make my own

decisions.

I determine

my own path.

But self-determination

is an illusion.

In fact,

we are a product

of our cultures

and the communities

that we surround

ourselves with.

When we are younger,

we are primarily

influenced by our family

and as we get older,

we are primarily

influenced by our friends,

the community

we surround ourselves with.

And this is why

choosing our friends

wisely is so crucial.

And verses 13 to 16

tell us what kinds

of friends

to avoid.

Verse 13,

it says,

take a man's garment

when he has put up

security for a stranger

and hold it in pledge

when he puts up

security for an adulteress.

What's in view here

is a man

who cosigns

loans for strangers.

someone who becomes

a guarantor

of a stranger's debt

for someone

that he bears

no responsibility for.

The word stranger

is a key word here

because it's also

connected to the word

adulteress,

which literally means

foreigner woman,

a strange woman,

a woman that does

not belong to you,

someone that is

not your wife.

Proverbs repeatedly

warns against

becoming a surety,

a guarantor

of someone else's loans

because doing so

puts us at the mercy

of the borrower.

When we put up

security for someone,

we think that we are

in charge,

that we are being

benevolent,

but in reality,

that subjects us

to the goodwill

of the debtor

because if they

don't repay the debt,

we are bound,

we are chained,

we are at their mercy.

And because becoming

a surety for someone

else is foolish,

it warns us against

supporting,

warns us against

befriending people

who do that.

Imagine that you know

a fool who puts up

security for a stranger

and an adulteress

and then he comes

to you asking

to borrow money

to bail him out.

He says,

I'm your friend.

Verse 13 tells us

to be wary

of such people.

He says,

don't lend him money

in faith

just because

he's your friend.

Make sure you

take collateral

because it's a bad risk.

Take the man's garment

and hold it in pledge

because you'll most

likely never get

your money back.

Verse 14 continues,

whoever blesses

his neighbor

with a loud voice

rising early

in the morning

will be counted

as cursing.

Once again,

the subject is friendship.

The word neighbor

is the same word

that's translated

in many places

as friend

in verse 9 and 10

for example.

Even a well-meaning

blessing

if said

with a loud voice

early in the morning

will be counted

as cursing.

I think many of you guys

are aware of this.

I heard

many

sighs of relief

when we chose

the evening time

for our service.

And some of you guys

have seen

these coffee mugs

that have

these lines on it.

And I think

like quarter of the way down

it says shh.

And then

halfway down

it says

almost.

And then

I think

three-fourths

of the way down

it says

now you can speak.

So you understand

what this is talking about.

It's talking about

basic tact

and social awareness

that good friend

is supposed to have.

Reminiscent of

chapter 25

verses 16 and 17.

If you have found

honey

it only enough

for you

lest you have

your fill of it

and vomit it.

Let your foot

be seldom

in your neighbor's house

lest he have

his fill of you

and hate you.

Just as it's possible

to get too much

of a good thing

like honey

so it's possible

to have too much

of a good thing

like friendliness

and neighborliness.

If you want to be

a good friend

if you want to

bless your friend

great

but you got to

know the time

and place

to do it.

You got to

not be obnoxious

inconsiderate

and do it in a manner

that actually serves

your friend.

Some people

struggle with this

for one reason

or another

and if you know

that you struggle

in this department

ask your friends

for help.

Rely on them.

Ask them

if there have

been times

you were tactless

and so you

can grow from it.

And then

verses 15 to 16

warn us about

friends to avoid

especially in the

most intimate

of contexts.

A continual dripping

on a rainy day

and a quarrelsome

wife are alike.

To restrain her

is to restrain

the wind

or to grasp

oil in one's

right hand.

This is a picture

of a man

who takes shelter

under the roof

of his house

in a torrential

rain

only to be

pestered

by the continual

dripping of water

from his

leaky roof.

Likewise,

a man married

to a quarrelsome

wife comes home

for respite

only to be

worn down

further

by the nagging

of his wife.

To restrain her

is to restrain

the wind

or grasp

oil in one's

right hand.

Unlike the friend

who gives

earnest counsel

in verse 9

who is described

as compared

to the oil

and perfume

that make

the heart glad.

The quarrelsome

wife is like

oil that slips

from one's grip

that one can never

get a hold of.

She's supposed

to be a blessing

like the oil

of this earnest

friend,

but instead

she's elusive,

unrestrained.

It's because

Proverbs often

uses the rhetorical

device of father

addressing his sons

that is written

from this perspective,

but this proverb

also applies

to the quarrelsome

husband.

If your relationship

with a man

or a woman

is fraught

and characterized

by frequent quarrels,

if that relationship

rarely offers

rest and delight

for your soul,

then that's probably

not the person

you should enter

into lifelong covenant

with of marriage.

I do want to add

a caveat here

because,

and I advise you

to seek

the earnest counsel

of true friends

in this matter

because it may be

in your relationship

with the significant

other that the

core of some person

is not him or her

but you.

Instead,

it says we should

choose our friends

wisely,

people who have

godly character

that we aspire to

because they will

shape us.

It says in verse 17,

this famous verse,

iron sharpens iron

and one man

sharpens another.

If you look at

the footnote in ESV

at the end of this verse,

it tells us that

it's literally

iron sharpens iron

and one man

sharpens the face

of another.

In Hebrew,

the edge of the knife

is called

the face

of the knife.

So the expression

face of another

captures how

just as honing steel

can be used

to sharpen

the edge

of a blade,

we are sharpened

and sanctified

by our friends

so that we more,

we better reflect

God's character

and become more useful

for his purposes.

In short,

this verse is telling us

to choose for ourselves

friends who will

inflict faithful

wounds on us,

who will make

our hearts glad

with sweetness

of his earnest counsel.

And verse 17

is related to verse 19

by the word face

and by the word man.

It says,

as in water,

face reflects face.

So the heart of man

reflects the man.

This is another one

of those poetic lines

that are very difficult

to translate.

It literally says,

as the water,

face to face,

thus the heart of man

to man.

It likely means

one of two things.

It could mean

that as on the surface

of water,

one can see the reflection

of his own face.

So the heart of man

reflects the man's

true self,

who he is.

That's one option.

The second option

is that just as you see

your public image

by the reflection

in the mirror,

so you see your heart

in the way

it's reflected

in your friends

around you,

by those whose faces

that sharpen you.

I think the second option

better fits the surrounding

context because of

the connection,

the verbal connections

to verse 17.

And also because

Proverbs speaks often

of how every way

of man is right

in his own eyes,

but the Lord

weighs the heart.

It seems unlikely

that this proverb

is telling us

to look inside

our own hearts

that we actually

don't have access to.

If we really want

to know what

we're made of,

if we really want

to know what kinds

of people we are,

we need to look

to the earnest

counsel of friends,

the faces of friends,

the edge

of their,

of the knives,

who love us enough

to wound us faithfully

and to speak the truth,

to give us an honest

appraisal

of our own character.

If you have such friends,

I know many of you do,

it's painful.

It hurts at times.

It's not easy.

But you are blessed.

If you have such friends,

you should attend

to those friends

because you will surely

reap the rewards

multiple times over.

That's what verse 18,

sandwiched between

these two verses,

says,

whoever tends

a fig tree

will eat its fruit

and he who guards

his master

will be honored.

The metaphor

of tending

to a fig tree

is applied

particularly to

the relationship

between the employer

and the employee

in this context,

but it's more broadly

applicable to other

friendships and

relationships as well.

And a fig tree

takes several years

to grow before it

starts producing

its highly prized fruit.

And so it takes

hard work

and patient endurance,

just like friendship.

But in the end,

it's worthwhile.

Likewise,

faithful,

loyal service

to one's master,

anyone who has

power or authority

over you,

will bring honor

to you in due time.

And similarly,

friends,

true friends,

are worth attending to,

worth devoting time to,

worth counseling

earnestly.

And anyone who has

enjoyed the blessing

of true friendship

will tell you

that the fruit

is sweet.

Figs are one of the

sweetest fruits in nature.

We have this bag of figs

from Costco,

and it says,

about 20 grams of fig,

there's 10 grams of sugar.

That's amazing.

It's nature's candy.

And earlier in verses

7 to 9,

it's described

its sweetness,

it compared the sweetness

of a friend

who gives earnest counsel

to honey.

Likewise,

another sweet

food.

Because we live in a world

full of artificial sweeteners,

sweet foods are commonplace,

and now we take them

for granted.

But in the ancient world,

before people learned

to crystallize sugar

from sugar canes,

that was about

4th century AD,

sweet foods,

like honey and figs,

were cherished treats.

And likewise,

forthright and faithful friends

yield delectable fruits,

incomparable fruits,

that sweeten your life

and make it worthwhile.

We should strive

to find such friends.

Verses 20 to 22

then offer a study

in contrast

what foolish friends

are like

and how they can be tested.

It says,

Sheol and Abaddon

are never satisfied

and never satisfied

are the eyes of man.

The crucible

is for silver

and the furnace

is for gold

and a man

is tested

by his praise.

Crush a fool

in a mortar

with a pestle

along with crushed grain,

yet his folly

will not depart

from him.

The image

of never being satisfied

or sated

continues the theme

of food and eating.

Unlike the wise man

who is satisfied

by eating the fruit

of his labor,

by eating the sweetness

of friendship,

the fool is like Sheol

and Abaddon,

death and the grave,

which are never satisfied.

His eyes are ever greedy

for more,

for more money,

for more social prestige.

And here's how we weed out

such people.

Verse 21 says,

the crucible

is for silver

and the furnace

is for gold

and a man

is tested

by his praise.

In the same way

that silver and gold

are refined

by the fire

of the furnace,

so a man

is tested

by his praise.

His praise

exposes the man

to reveal

whether he is just

dross

that will burn off

or true metal

that withstands

the fire.

The word praise

recalls verses 1 to 2

which told us

not to praise

ourselves

or to boast

about our future

but to let someone else

praise us.

A foolish friend

to avoid

is the kind of person

that is eager

for the praise of man

and can never get

enough of it.

That person

who,

as John 12,

43 says,

loves the glory

that comes from man

more than the glory

that comes from God.

Such a person

gets bloated

and big-headed

when lavished

with praise,

thinking that

he deserves

all of it

and more

instead of being

humbled by praise,

recognizing that

all that he has

is ultimately

from God,

knowing how much

he is actually

indebted to others

who have helped him

along the way,

not knowing

how so much

of his success

was about being

in the right place

at the right time

and that there is

very little

that separates him

from others

who are also

deserving.

So,

such a greedy,

selfish,

prideful person

is rapacious

like Sheol

and Abaddon,

indiscriminately

consuming everything

in his path,

including anyone

who will be foolish

enough to be

their friends.

Verse 22 says,

Crush a fool

in a mortar

with a pestle

along with crushed grain,

yet his folly

will not depart from him.

That kind of

deeply ingrained

pride and folly

cannot be extracted.

Even if the fool

were to be crushed

as in a mortar

with a pestle,

the husk

of his sinful

pride and folly

cannot be removed

from the grain.

And that brings us

to the final section

of this chapter,

verses 23 to 27,

which tells us

to make friends

for the future.

Know well

the condition

of your flocks

and give attention

to your herds,

for riches

do not last forever,

and does a crown

endure to all generations?

When the grass

is gone

and the new growth

appears

and the vegetation

of the mountains

is gathered,

the lambs

will provide

your clothing

and the goats

the price

of a field.

There will be

enough goat's milk

for your food,

for the food

of your household,

and maintenance

for your girls.

It uses the imagery

of shepherding,

but that's not

what these verses

are about.

It's not giving us

shepherding advice.

We can see this

in the rationale

given in verse 24.

For riches

do not last forever,

and does a crown

endure to all generations?

What's in view here

is a king

who rules

over his figurative flocks.

He currently enjoys riches

by the virtue

of his royalty,

a crown,

but both his reign

and the riches

that accompany his rule

will one day

come to an end.

That's the reason

for the advice

of verse 23.

Know well the condition

of your flocks

and give attention

to your herds.

If you use the resources

at your disposal

for the benefit

of your subjects,

using the grass

and the vegetation

to feed your flocks,

then when times change

and you no longer

have access

to those resources,

the flocks you nourished

and shepherded

will provide you

with food and clothing.

If you are in positions

of leadership,

whether it's in your family,

church,

school,

or work,

or anywhere else,

this proverb commands you

to make your position

not about yourself

relishing the power

and privilege

that come with it,

but rather about serving

the people

in your charge.

If you do that,

when your fortunes

take a downturn,

those friends you made

will fend for you

and tend to you.

This is very similar

to the parable

of the shrewd manager

that Jesus tells

in Luke 16,

1-12.

There,

a manager

of a rich man's estate

receives a termination notice

from the owner,

and knowing that

he's not strong enough

to hire himself out

for manual labor,

but also being too ashamed

to beg for money

once he is fired,

the manager decides

to use however many days

he has left

as the manager

in his position

to reduce

the outstanding debt

of all of his master's debtors,

so that when he

is finally unemployed,

these friends he made

might receive him

into their homes

and provide for him.

Using this parable,

Jesus tells us

in Luke 16, 9,

and I tell you,

make friends for yourselves

by means of unrighteous wealth,

so that when it falls,

they may receive you

into the eternal dwellings.

The logic is exactly the same

as Proverbs 27,

but there Jesus applies

this principle to eternity.

Our earthly lives

are very short

relative to eternity,

and we can't take

any of our money with us.

So Jesus tells us

to use unrighteous wealth,

earthly currency,

to make friends

in preparation for a time

when that currency

is no longer valid

in eternity.

If we use our resources,

if we use our station,

if we use our influence

to make heavenly friends,

to tell people about Jesus,

to bring them,

invite them to the kingdom

of God,

then when we no longer

have all of these

resources at our disposal,

when we lose all of it

in heaven,

we will have friends

to welcome us.

So then both

for the sake of our

earthly friends,

earthly future,

and for the sake of our

eternal heavenly future,

we need to use our stations

and our influence,

our resources,

to make friends.

If you're like me

and you're going

through this passage,

this fills you

with longing.

Wouldn't it be amazing

to have friends

who are forthright

and faithful?

Friends who are genuinely

entrusted in your welfare.

Friends who are always

there for us.

Friends who love us enough

to tell us the truth,

and yet simultaneously

is considerate and tactful.

Friends who use

their station,

their influence,

their resources

to serve us

rather than only

to advance their own agenda.

And if we're honest

with ourselves,

not only does this

fill us with longing,

it also fills us

with regret.

Because we realize

that not only

have we failed,

have our friends

failed us,

but we also have

failed our friends.

we have not been

faithful and forthright

friends.

We have at times

let our friends down.

We have been

self-centered.

But in spite of this,

we have a faithful friend

who has never failed us.

who will never fail us.

Explaining the significance

of his impending death

on the cross

to his disciples,

Jesus says in John 15,

greater love

has no one

than this,

that someone

laid down his life

for his friends.

You are my friends

if you do

what I command you.

No longer

do I call you

servants,

for the servant

does not know

what his master

is doing,

but I have called you

friends.

For all that I have

heard from my father

I have made known

to you.

What Jesus says here

reveals that in a sense

the entire salvation

history can be described

as a story of friendship.

God calls Abraham

my friend

in Isaiah 41.8.

It was said that the Lord

used to speak to Moses

face to face

as a man speaks

to his friend.

Psalm 25.14

says the friendship

of the Lord

is for those

who fear him

and he makes

known to them

his covenant.

We had all

forsaken God.

We had all

rejected

our covenant

relationship with him.

We have dishonored him

and yet

in his mercy

God never stopped

befriending us.

friends.

We were fickle

and unfaithful

friends.

Undependable

and self-centered.

And as James 4.4

says

you adulterous

people

do not know

that friendship

with the world

is enmity

with God.

Therefore

whoever wishes

to be a friend

of the world

makes himself

an enemy

of God.

Even though

we chose

our friendship

with the world

we hoard

after the idols

of this world

and yet

over

and over

again

the spurned

God

the rejected

God

while we were

his enemies

says

reconciled us

to himself

through the death

of his son

Jesus Christ.

Jesus is the

faithful friend

who demonstrated

the greatest love

by laying down

his life

for us.

he is the

good shepherd

who looked out

not only

for his own

interests

but he laid

down

his life

to save

us.

He had

every right

to exploit

us

fleece us

use us

however he

would have

wanted.

He's the creator

he owns us

and yet

he befriends

his creatures.

and it's

because Jesus

died on the

cross for

our sins

because he

was raised

from the

dead

for our

sake

that we

can now

be reconciled

to him

and be

called

his friends.

Brothers and

sisters

it's only

when we

become

friends of

God

when we

are

transformed

by his

love

when we

are

sanctified

by his

friendly

wounds

that we

are conformed

more and

more to