Be the Man, Find the Woman

Please turn with me to Proverbs chapter 31.

Proverbs 31 · chapter mention

And let me pray now for the reading and preaching of God's Word.

God, we come before you

knowing that

we live in a confused world,

that we are aware that we are bombarded with conflicting messages

about what a man should be,

about what a woman should be,

about what a husband should be,

about what a wife should be.

But these things

have

implications that stretch

well beyond our own personal lives.

They affect society.

They affect profoundly

those who are in our lives.

And Lord, we want to be conformed to your will.

So we come to you humbly.

We incline our ears toward you.

So address us.

Humble us.

Humble us.

Humble us.

convince us.

Convince us.

Not only of the truth of your vision,

but of its goodness,

of its beauty.

We ask in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Proverbs 31,

Proverbs 31 · chapter mention

verses 1 to 31.

The words of King Lemuel,

an oracle that his mother taught him.

What are you doing, my son?

What are you doing, son of my womb?

What are you doing, son of my vows?

Do not give your strength to women,

your ways to those who destroy kings.

It is not for kings, O Lemuel.

It is not for kings to drink wine,

or for rulers to take strong drink,

lest they drink and forget what has been decreed,

and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.

Give strong drink to the one who is perishing,

and wine to those in bitter distress.

Let them drink and forget their poverty,

and remember their misery no more.

Open your mouth for the mute,

for the rights of all who are destitute.

Open your mouth, judge righteously,

defend the rights of the poor and needy.

An excellent wife, who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good and not harm

all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax

and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant.

She brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night

and provides food for her household

and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it.

With the fruit of her hands,

she plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength

and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise

is profitable.

Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff

and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor

and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes bed coverings for herself.

Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates

when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them.

She delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing

and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom

and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed.

Her husband also and he praises her.

Many women have done excellently,

but you surpassed them all.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands

and let her works praise her in the gates.

This is God's holy and authoritative word.

We're in the last chapter of the book of Proverbs.

We've been in this series for a total of 34 weeks

and most of the book we've seen

is written from the perspective of a father addressing his son.

But scattered throughout,

we have seen hints that not only the father,

but also the mother

is responsible for instructing her children

in the wisdom of God.

We saw in Proverbs 1.8,

Hear, my son, your father's instruction

and forsake not your mother's teaching.

We saw in Proverbs 6.20,

My son, keep your father's commandment

and forsake not your mother's teaching.

Interestingly enough,

at the conclusion of this book,

the author of this section, King Lemuel,

relays an oracle that his mother taught him.

And the main lesson

that she conveyed to King Lemuel is this,

a man should give his worth

to a worthy woman who fears the Lord.

First, in verses 1-9,

she tells King Lemuel

what kind of man he should be.

And then in verses 10-31,

what kind of woman he should marry.

So let's look at the first section,

to be the man.

Using her special status as his mother,

she implores King Lemuel in verse 2,

What are you doing, my son?

There's this affectionate reproach in her tone.

What are you doing, son of my womb?

What are you doing, son of my vows?

So the way she addresses her son

gets progressively more intimate.

So first, it's just son.

And then it's son of my womb,

recalling the time before Lemuel's birth,

when she was carrying him in her womb.

And then third, it's son of my vows,

likely referring to the vow

that she made before God prior to conception.

In much the same way,

Hannah in 1 Samuel chapter 1

1 Samuel 1 · chapter mention

makes a vow to God saying,

If you will give your servant a son,

then I will give him to the Lord

all the days of his life.

That might be why the king's name is Lemuel,

which means belonging to God.

If that's the case,

then Lemuel was a special son

that her mother had dedicated to the Lord

even before he was conceived.

So then this progressively intensifying address

to the son shows just how deeply concerned

his mother is for her son's welfare.

There's perhaps no human being in the world

that's more concerned for the welfare of a man

than his mother,

who loves him,

save except the excellent wife we'll get to later.

It would bring her endless sorrow

to see her son reduced to folly and shame.

And so she warns him in verses 3 to 7

about the dangers of womanizing and over-drinking.

She says in verse 3,

Do not give your strength to women,

your ways to those who destroy kings.

The Hebrew word that is translated strength here

is a very versatile word.

It could mean a lot of different things

depending on the context.

It can refer to a person's wealth

as a reflection of someone's fiscal power.

It can refer to an army

as a reflection of someone's military power.

It can refer also, as it does here,

to a man's sexual power.

And so Lemuel's mother warns him,

Do not give your strength to women.

Notice that the word woman is plural.

This is not a prohibition

of a godly monogamous marriage,

but a warning against womanizing,

consorting with multiple women.

Indulging your sexual appetite in sinful ways.

And she gives the reason

in the second half of the verse,

Because such women destroy kings.

Notice that the word king is also plural,

indicating that not one king,

but many kings have been destroyed

by such women.

The king destroyer

is not always the mighty army

of a foreign kingdom.

Often it's the charming adulteress.

Israel's history bears this out.

Even King Solomon,

the sage who wrote

much of the book of Proverbs,

according to 1 Kings 11,

loved many foreign women

who were from nations

concerning which God had said,

You shall not enter into marriage with them.

And as a result,

when he was old,

when Solomon was old,

it says his wives

turned away his heart

after other gods.

The queen mother

understands this grave danger.

So she solemnly warns her son,

Don't waste your manhood

on unworthy woman.

And then,

in verses 4 to 7,

she transitions

to warning her son

about drinking too much alcohol.

This seems abrupt,

but this is not the first time

that the book of Proverbs

juxtaposed

the seductive powers of women

along with the addictive powers

of alcohol.

Chapter 23

similarly compared

red wine

that sparkles in the cup

to the temptations

of an adulteress

and warn the son

to be wary

of their seductive charm.

So Lemuel's mother

continues in verse 4,

It is not for kings,

O Lemuel.

It is not for kings

to drink wine

or for rulers

to take strong drink.

Picking up on the word

kings

from verse 3,

verse 4 repeats

that word two more times

and adds the word rulers

to emphasize

that it is especially

unbecoming

unbecoming

of a king

to indulge in wine.

His charge

is too great,

his command

too weighty

for him to fritter away

his life

on woman

and wine.

Israel's history

also bears out

this truth

that drunkenness

is often the undoing

of kings.

She gives a more

specific reason

in verse 5,

Lest they drink

and forget

what has been decreed

and pervert the rights

of all the afflicted.

The king

is entrusted

with executing

the righteousness

and justice of God.

If the king

becomes intoxicated

and therefore

incapacitated,

the people

who depend

on him,

the afflicted,

the powerless,

whose cost

he must champion

as the one

who has power

will be neglected.

Isaiah chapter 5,

Isaiah 5 · chapter mention

22 to 23

put it this way,

woe to those

who are heroes

at drinking wine

and valiant men

in mixing strong drink

who acquit the guilty

for a bribe

and deprive the innocent

of his right.

To the drunkard,

his thirst for alcohol

becomes a god

that he must appease

at all costs

and everything else

gets sacrificed

at its altar.

If cunning people

offer bribes

that promise

to sustain

the king's drinking habits

a little while longer,

then the king

might succumb to that.

If he is too distracted

with merrymaking

and drinking

and getting drunk,

he will not attend

to the cause

of the afflicted.

For these reasons,

drunkenness,

she says,

is not for kings.

Rather,

it's for the perishing.

Verses 6 to 7

say this,

Give strong drink

to the one

who is perishing

and wine to those

in bitter distress.

Let them drink

and forget

their poverty

and remember

their misery

no more.

It's important

to note

that this is not

a policy recommendation.

It's not saying

that kings

should give out

free beer

to people

in distress

to numb their pain.

It's important

to understand this

in light of

the poetic contrast

with verses 4 to 5.

Verse 4 says

kings should not drink

and verse 5

gives a reason

lest they forget.

Similarly,

verse 6 says

wine should be left

to those

who are in bitter distress

and verse 7

gives a reason

so that they might

forget

their poverty

and misery.

In other words,

verses 6 to 7

are less

a literal command

and more

a literary foil,

a contrast

that highlights

why kings

should not drink.

Forgetfulness

induced by drunkenness

should be left

for those

who have no hope

at all,

those who are

trying to forget.

but that's not you,

Lemuel.

That's what his mother

is saying.

Especially as a king

who should have

the faculty,

the clarity of mind

to execute justice

and righteousness,

a drunken stupor

is unbecoming of him.

The king's mouth

instead should be used

for something else.

It says in verses 8 to 9,

open your mouth

for the mute,

for the rights

of all who are destitute.

Open your mouth,

judge righteously,

defend the rights

of the poor

and needy.

Drunkenness

slurs a person's speech,

makes them incoherent,

it cripples a person's

ability to think.

Though this passage

addresses

the dangers

of alcohol specifically,

we can apply

this general principle

to other things

in our lives,

to any form

of diversion

that we use,

especially addictive

diversions

we use

in order to escape

our realities

and shirk

our responsibilities.

What do you

typically do

when you procrastinate

as a way

of coping

with stress?

What do you do

to escape

your realities

and shirk

your responsibilities?

Do you surf

the web,

scroll through

Facebook,

Twitter,

Instagram,

or the New York Times?

Do you watch

show after show

on Netflix

or YouTube

or do you play

video games

that are designed

to keep you

glued to the screen

going after

one level

after another?

What distractions

or diversions

in your life

delay you

from keeping

and fulfilling

your responsibilities

to your family,

to your church,

to your school,

to your work?

That's the point

that Lemuel's mother

is making.

She warns him,

if you open

your mouth

to drink,

you will be

incapable

of opening

your mouth

to speak

on behalf

of the voiceless.

This has been

a recurring lesson

on leadership

throughout the book

of Proverbs.

One of the main

purposes of power

is this,

defend the powerless.

If you have a voice,

you have a responsibility

to speak on behalf

of the voiceless.

If you have influence,

you have a responsibility

to use that influence

on behalf of those

who are mute

and destitute,

poor and needy.

The rich,

the self-sufficient,

the powerful people

already have a voice.

People with cultural cachet

already have a voice.

They can blare out

their agenda on media.

They can spend their money

to lobby politicians

and maybe even bribe them.

They have lawyers

in their pocketbooks.

They can pull on

their relational strings

to get an audience

with people

in strategic posts.

But the poor and needy

are voiceless.

They are powerless

to demand respect

and command an audience.

Who will speak up for them?

That's the responsibility

of those

to whom God

has entrusted power.

Before speaking

of the kind of woman

that her son

should seek to marry,

Lemuel's mother

tells her son first,

be the man.

This is the kind

of king you should be.

Instead of being

preoccupied only with

the kind of woman

you want to marry,

be the kind of man

she would want to marry.

And vice versa.

If you are a single,

this is a good lesson

for you to heed.

But even if you are married,

you should ask yourself,

what would it look like

for you to be preoccupied

more with the kind

of spouse

you should be

rather than

with the kind

of person

you want your spouse

to be?

That kind of humility

breeds peace

and unity

in the home.

But Lemuel's mother

knows that

if her son

is to succeed,

he needs

to find a good wife.

Now that brings us

to the part

of the passage

that all of you women

were looking forward to

with breathless anticipation.

I've noticed

in recent years

that there's a kind

of dread

that women feel

about Proverbs 31,

support shared

of the excellent wife.

I think that could be

for a number of reasons.

I think for some,

not many of you here,

I think for some

it may be because

they have assimilated

some of our culture's

judgments

about the Bible's

teaching on womanhood.

They wrongly think

that the Bible

promotes a regressive,

even repressive

standard for women

that they don't want

to hear any more of.

If that's you,

let this passage

serve as a corrective.

Remember what I said

about the word oracle

last week

in chapter 30,

verse 1.

The word oracle

in chapter 31,

verse 1

is the same word.

This is a word

from God.

And as citizens

of God's kingdom,

then we are to let

the mold of Scripture

shape us

rather than being

conformed to the

cookie-cutter shapes

of the woman

of this world.

But I don't think

that's the only reason.

For other women,

I think,

it's less a doubt

about the truth

and the goodness

of God's word,

but more of a

discouragement

from feeling like

they fall short

of this glorious standard.

If that's you,

I want to encourage

you from the outset.

Verses 10 to 31

are written

as an acrostic.

Verse 10 begins

with the first letter

of the Hebrew alphabet

and then verse 11

begins with the second letter

and so on

all the way through

ending with the last letter

of the alphabet

in verse 31.

In other words,

this poem is literally

the A to Z

of biblical womanhood.

It's the textbook,

the ideal,

which means

all women,

one way or another,

is going to fall short

of this.

Imagine that you are

painting a portrait

of this godly woman.

You take a look

at this portrait

in chapter 31

and then you look

at the canvas

of your own life

as you paint.

There's always going

to be adjustments

you need to make,

but if the painting

of your life

is based on her,

and not on some other woman

that you see in the world,

then you should be commended.

Let all the ways

in which you fall short

then drive you

to deeper humility

and greater dependence

on God.

Then you will become

more and more like her.

First, verses 10 to 12

tell us about

the excellent wife's worth.

An excellent wife,

who can find?

She is far more precious

than jewels.

The heart of her husband

trusts in her

and he will have

no lack of gain.

She does him good

and not harm

all the days of her life.

An excellent woman,

an excellent wife,

who can find?

The implied answer is

almost no one.

That's how rare she is.

She is far more precious

than even rare jewels.

That's the poetic way

of saying that a wife

like that is priceless.

You can't place

a monetary value

on an excellent wife

because the jewels

are the most precious commodity.

If she far exceeds

their value,

how do you measure

that kind of worth?

You can't.

She is priceless.

Yes.

Earlier in Proverbs 3,

13 to 15,

Solomon said this

about gaining God's wisdom.

Blessed is the one

who finds wisdom

and the one

who gets understanding.

For the gain from her

is better than gain from silver

and her profit

better than gold.

She is more precious

than jewels

and nothing you desire

can compare with her.

In other words,

marrying a wise,

excellent wife

is like gaining

God's wisdom

that is more precious

than jewels.

And this is why

if you desire a wife,

you must pray

and beg the Lord.

Proverbs 19, 14

said very clearly,

house and wealth

are inherited from fathers,

but a prudent wife

is from the Lord.

If this passage

fills you with longing

for such a woman,

you should pray,

cling to the feet

of our Father.

Ask Him.

The word excellent

is the same word

that was translated

strength early in verse 3

when Lemuel's mother

exhorted her son

not to give his strength

to women

who destroy kings.

As I mentioned then

that the word excellent

means power,

strength,

or worth.

Notably,

the same word

is used in Ruth

Ruth 2:1

chapter 2, verse 1

to describe Boaz

as a worthy man.

And then, again,

in chapter 3 of Ruth,

Ruth 3, 11

to describe Ruth

as a worthy woman.

So then,

the excellent wife

is a worthy wife,

the one whom

the man should give

his worth to.

Interestingly,

it's also a word

that is often used

in military contexts.

So it could be rendered

strong or valiant,

as is the case

in some translations.

This is consistent

with the imagery

in verse 11.

The heart of her husband

trusts in her

and he will have

no lack of gain.

The word gain

here is more literally

spoils,

the plunder of war.

So then,

what's in view here

is a warrior wife

who brings back

the spoils

of her battles,

from her battles

to her husband.

Lemuel's mother

is doing this

intentionally

to elevate

wifehood

in our minds.

Wifeliness

is not about

weakness,

it's not about

timidity,

it's not about

dependence,

it's the stuff

of wars,

heroes,

and legends.

It requires

might,

grit,

courage,

and resilience.

Earlier,

she told Lemuel

not to give

his strength

to women

who destroy kings,

but now she tells

him to find

a strong wife

who is worthy

of his strength.

This woman

is a king maker,

not a king destroyer.

And the first evidence

of this woman's

preciousness

is this,

the heart of her husband

trusts in her

and he will have

no lack of gain.

She does him good

and not harm

all the days

of her life.

Her husband

trusts in her.

This is shocking

because that expression

is rarely used

with anyone

other than

God as the object.

You're not supposed

to trust

other things,

other people

besides God.

Yet this wife

is the rare

human being

who proves

dependable

to her husband

time and time

again.

This wife's worth

is explained

here in terms

of the good

she does

to her husband

because in

Genesis chapter 2

Genesis 2:18

verse 18

God gave the woman

to be the man's helper.

This is not to say

that the man

never helps

the woman

in marriage.

The man too

must make

many costly sacrifices

and love his wife

as Christ loved

the church.

But there are

nevertheless

distinct roles.

The wife

is her husband's

helper

in a way

that the husband

is not

his wife's

helper.

Wifeliness

has a

self-effacing

nature.

Look at

verse 23.

Her husband

is known

in the gates

when he sits

among the elders

of the land.

The city gates

is where

the civic

and economic

decisions

of the ancient

world

are made.

Where the leading

men of the city

gather

to exchange

ideas

and make

decisions.

According to

this passage

one of the

main reasons

why this man

occupies that

prominent seat

among the elders

of the land

is because

of his

excellent

strong

and valiant

wife.

She is the

reason

he can hold

up his head

high

among the

movers

and shakers

of his city.

He excels

because

of his

excellent

wife.

As Proverbs

Proverbs 12:4

chapter 12

verse 4

said,

an excellent

wife is

the crown

of her

husband,

but she

who brings

shame

is like

rottenness

to his

bones.

This woman

is the crown

of her

husband.

As Winston

Churchill,

the British

prime minister

who defeated

Hitler and

defended Europe's

democracy from

the spread of

fascism,

once said,

my most

brilliant

achievement

was my

ability to

persuade my

wife to

marry me.

I don't

think he

was joking.

Her

wife was

his crown.

He was

able to

accomplish

all he

did and

garner all

the respect

and honor

he enjoyed

because of

his wife.

The saying

that was

popularized in

the 1940s

to recognize

the often

unheralded

contribution

of woman

is true.

Behind

every

great man

there is

a great

woman.

Ruth

McHugh

Bell

was born

in

Jiangsu

province

in China

1920.

She was

a daughter

of missionaries

Nelson and

Virginia Bell.

She enrolled

in Wheaton

College at

the age

of 17

and though

she had

vowed

never to

marry

out of

a desire

to serve

the Lord

wholeheartedly,

a lanky

southern boy

named

Billy asked

her out

to go

watch

Hendel's

Messiah

together

in college.

After that

faithful date

she told

God that

it would

be an

honor to

serve

God,

serve

him as

Billy's

wife.

Long

before the

1957 evangelistic

rally in

New York

that catapulted

Billy Graham

to his

worldwide fame,

long before

Graham's

travels to

185 countries

and territories

to preach

to around

215 million

people live,

around 2.2

billion people

if you include

other media

through which

he preached.

Long before

he was voted

into the top

10 of Gallup

Poll's

most admired

men,

a record

61 times

in a row

starting in

1955.

Ruth Bell

understood

that marrying

Billy Graham

would mean

finding her

calling

in his.

If I

marry

Bill,

I marry

him with

my eyes

wide open.

She wrote

this in

her journal.

He will

be increasingly

burdened for

lost souls

and increasingly

active in

the Lord's

work.

I will

slip into

the background.

In short,

be a lost

life,

lost in

bills.

Though she

had aspired

to be a

missionary in

Tibet,

she surrendered

that dream

to be

her husband's

helper.

That's

worth far

more than

jewels.

The two

married in

1943,

and with

Billy Graham

traveling for

months at a

time to

preach,

Ruth Graham

anchored the

family and

took the

lead in

raising their

five children.

She

personally

supervised the

construction of

their mountain

homestead in

Montreat,

North Carolina.

When Ruth

Bell Graham

passed away

in 2007,

as it says

at the end

of this

chapter,

her children

rose up

and called

her blessed.

And her

husband also

praised her.

Her daughter,

Ann Graham

Lotz,

said,

quote,

without Ruth

Graham,

there wouldn't

have been a

Billy Graham.

Her husband

said,

Ruth was my

life partner,

and we were

called by God

as a team.

No one else

could have

borne the load

that she

carried.

She was a

vital and

integral part

of our

ministry,

and my

work through

the years

would have

been impossible

without her

encouragement and

support.

The heart of

her husband

trusted in her,

and he had

no lack of

gain.

She did him

good and not

harm all the

days of her

life, and

because of this,

her husband

was known in

the gates when

he sat among

the elders of

the land.

Ruth Bell

Graham was an

excellent wife.

A wife who

makes it her

calling to do

good to her

husband, who

beams with

pride at her

husband's

accomplishments,

who loves her

husband, who

supports her

husband, who

counsels her

husband, who

prays for her

husband.

That kind of

woman is far

more precious

essentials.

That's the

excellent wife's

worth.

And then

verses 13 to

25 speak of

her works.

This woman is a

hard worker.

The word hand

is repeated,

seven times in

this passage,

to emphasize her

industry and

generosity.

Proverbs 24,

33, 34 said

this about the

foolish sluggard,

a little sleep,

a little slumber,

and a little

folding of the

hands to rest,

and poverty will

come upon you

like a robber and

want like an

armed man.

But the valiant

wife is not like

the sluggard.

No, she works

with willing hands.

She puts her

hands to the

distaff and her

hands hold the

spindle.

She does not

oversleep like the

sluggard.

Instead, she is

often burning the

midnight oil.

Verse 15 says she

rises while it is

yet night and

provides food for

her household.

Verse 18 says her

lamp does not go

out at night.

If we take these

two verses literally,

we might wonder

whether she ever

sleeps.

But that's not

the point.

The point is that

she is often up

late and often

rises early because

she is busy

working.

As verse 27 says,

she does not eat

the bread of

idleness.

She is not

idle but

industrious.

She does not

pass time lazily

but labors for

the good of her

husband and her

household.

She puts the

flourishing of her

household above

her own comfort.

Verse 13 and

verse 19 tells us

that this wife is

involved in making

and selling textiles.

She acquires wool

and flax and using

the distaff to hold

the fibers and the

spindle to spin the

fibers into yarn.

And then later she

uses that yarn,

verse 24, to knit or

weave linen garments.

It says she makes

linen garments and

sells them.

She delivers sashes to

the merchant.

She is not only

involved in the

textile industry,

she is also involved

in commerce and real

estate and farming.

Like the ships of

the merchant, she

purchases and brings

her food from afar.

Using the money she

has earned, she not

only buys food, she

buys a field which

can provide food and

drink for the future.

She has foresight.

It says she considers

a field and buys it

with the fruit of her

hand, she plants a

vineyard.

She prepares for the

future.

It says in verse 21,

she is not afraid of

snow for her household.

For all her household

are clothed in scarlet.

Verse 25, to strength

and dignity are her

clothing and she laughs

at the time to come.

She is not afraid of

tomorrow.

She is not anxious

because she has worked

hard today in preparation

for the future.

The way people dressed

in the ancient world

as they often do today

reveals a person's

identity, a person's

status.

This woman is clothed

in strength and

dignity.

Clothing fit for

royalty.

Verse 17 says,

similarly, she dresses

herself with strength.

That phrase is literally

she girds up her loins

with strength.

Girding up your loin is

the ancient equivalent of

rolling up your sleeves.

She is strong and ready

for action.

This woman is a hard

worker.

Now this text challenges

two common misconceptions

about the role of woman,

the role of wives in

particular.

On the one hand,

some people say that

women should never work.

But the Proverbs 31

woman works.

She is involved in the

textile industry,

commerce, real estate,

and viticulture.

She is creative and

resourceful.

She can make things

with her hands.

She is business savvy.

She perceives that her

merchandise is profitable.

It says in verse 18,

she considers a field

and buys it.

It says in verse 16,

she's thoughtful and

competent.

And she's not afraid to

get her hands dirty.

She plants a vineyard.

She's not the kind of

delicate woman who can't

do any manual labor

because of her long

manicured nails.

This woman is strong.

She's a workhorse.

However, we must not

swing too far into

the other misconception.

It would not be

accurate to describe

the excellent wife

as a career woman.

A career woman puts

her career first.

She prioritizes her

career over her family.

And that's decidedly

not the picture that we

see here in Proverbs 31.

Look at how many times

the word household

is mentioned.

Verse 15, she provides

food for her household

and portions for her

maidens.

Verse 21, she's not

afraid of snow for her

household.

For all her household

are clothed in scarlet.

Verse 27, she looks

well to the ways of her

household and does not

eat the bread of

idleness.

Look at her orientation

toward her husband.

Verses 11 to 12, the

heart of her husband.

Her husband trusts in

her and he will have

no lack of gain.

She does him good and

not harm all the days

of her life.

Verse 23, her husband

is known in the gates

when he sits among the

elders of the land.

In fact, if you look

closely, verses 20 to 26,

the entirety of it is

structured chiastically

for the purpose of

emphasizing verse 23.

The excellent wife opens

her hand in generosity.

Verse 20, and opens her

mouth in kindness.

In verse 26, the match.

She is not afraid of

snow.

Verse 21, and laughs at

the time to come.

In verse 25, she makes

bed coverings for

herself.

Verse 22, and makes

linen garments and

sells them.

Verse 24, she does all

of this.

Why?

The goal and effect of

all of this is verse 23.

Her husband is known in

the gates when he sits

among the elders of the

land.

The excellent wife dedicates

her life as her husband's

helper.

She is not homebound, but she

is home-oriented.

Her work is not limited to

her household, but that is

where her primary allegiance,

commitment, lie.

Her household is the primary

beneficiary of her strength.

life.

This is why in Genesis 1 to 3,

the man's name is Adam, which

means from the ground, and God

commissions him to work the

ground in Genesis 2, 5.

But the woman's name is Eve, which

means mother of all living, and

God commissions her to be Adam's

helper in being fruitful and

multiply and filling the earth and

subduing it.

That is why after they sin, God

tells Adam, cursed is the ground

because of you.

In pain you shall eat of it all

the days of your life.

But God tells Eve, I will surely

multiply your pain in child

bearing.

In pain you shall bring forth

children.

This is why in Titus 2, 3 to 5,

says that godly older women are to

teach the younger women to love

their husbands and children, to be

self-controlled, pure, working at

home, kind and submissive to their

own husbands.

This is why in 1 Timothy 6, 9 to 10,

which lists the good works that

should characterize a godly woman,

the first item on that list is that

she has brought up children.

This is why 1 Timothy 2, 15, says

that women will be saved through

childbearing if they continue in

faith and love and holiness with

self-control.

This is not an isolated idea in one

extraneous text of Scripture.

It's a thread that runs through the

entire revelation of God.

This general division of labor

between a man and his wife was not

invented by prudish Victorians.

It's a biblical idea, abetted by our

very biology.

So if we're going to be biblical

Christians, we must avoid both

extremes.

Let us not unduly tie up a gifted

woman, her creativity and

resourcefulness by telling her that

she should never do anything besides

cooking, cleaning, and raising

children.

But also let us not unduly sever the

wife from her household and deprive men

of strong wives and deprive children

of strong mothers.

But while the primary beneficiary of the

woman's work is her household, they are

not the only beneficiary.

It says in verse 20, she opens her hand

to the poor and reaches out her hands to

the needy.

This continues the repetition of the word

hand from verse 19.

She works hard with her hands in order to

earn, but she is not thereafter tight-fisted

with her hard-earned money.

She opens her hands in generosity to the

poor and needy.

And she not only opens her hands in

generosity, it says she also opens her

mouth with wisdom.

Verse 26, she opens her mouth with wisdom

and the teaching of kindness is on her

tongue.

When she opens her mouth, she does not

spew out gossip or idle chatter or

folly.

Instead, she speaks wisdom.

The teaching of kindness.

It's literally the law of love.

The word kindness is the word that's

translated elsewhere as steadfast love, one

of the core attributes of God.

It's the same word that the New Testament

renders grace.

The law of grace is on her tongue.

Colossians chapter 4 verse 6 says this,

Colossians 4:6

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned

with salt.

Whenever she speaks, this woman's speech is

gracious.

Whenever she opens her mouth, she speaks

godly wisdom because she knows and fears

the Lord.

It says in verse 30, charm is deceitful and

beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the

Lord is to be praised.

Groupon ran, I don't know if people still

use Groupon.

Now, Groupon ran a survey a few years ago to

find out how much people spend on average on

their physical appearance.

They found out that American women spend an

average of $3,756 a year.

Add that up to, and then it's over a quarter

of a million dollars in an average lifetime.

That's a huge sum of money.

The numbers are even more staggering if you look

at women in Hollywood.

Women like Jennifer Aniston and Gwyneth

Paltrow, that's how you say your last name,

spend quarter of a million dollars on their

appearance in one year.

We live in a culture that's obsessed with

physical appearance.

But notice that in this entire chapter,

not once are we told of how this excellent

wife looks.

We don't know if she's tall or short, skinny or

fat.

We know neither the length of her hair or the

color of her eyes.

Yes, we're told in verse 22 that her clothing

is fine linen and purple.

But that detail is provided as evidence of

her industry, not of her taste for luxury or

preoccupation with physical appearance.

This feature of the poem is shocking, especially

when you compare it to contemporary ancient

Near Eastern literature.

They tend to fixate on the erotic appeal of

women, the poems that praise women in other

ancient Near Eastern literature.

Lemuel's mother, likely well advanced in age by

the time King Lemuel is writing this, knows from

experience that charm is deceitful and beauty

is vain.

Charm is deceitful because it does not last, does

not deliver on what it promises.

If you marry a woman for her external beauty, you will

learn in time that that beauty fades.

Beauty is vain.

It's a fleeting vapor.

But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Because for the wise, wisdom grows with age.

I think folly also grows with age.

But for the wise, wisdom deepens with age.

And this is the ultimate reason why she is not afraid of

snow for her household.

This is why she laughs at the time to come because she fears

the Lord.

She does not fear the uncertainties of the future because she fears

something far greater.

Because she fears the Lord who takes care of her.

Come what may, she says, the Lord is with me.

Whom shall I fear?

What future shall I fear?

The Lord Almighty is with me.

Her fear of the Lord is what is truly praiseworthy.

So single men, I want to exhort you, don't fantasize about

beautiful woman.

Pray earnestly for a wise woman who fears the Lord because she

will surely do you good.

Remember Proverbs 11, 22.

You should memorize it.

Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without

discretion.

A gold ring is pretty to look at, sure.

But what good is it if it's adorning a pig?

A beautiful woman is pleasing to look at, sure.

But what good is it if she is a fool who will be like rottenness in

your bones?

Don't ever marry a trophy wife.

A trophy wife is good for nothing but to be stored on a shelf and

looked at just like a trophy.

Of course, nobody says that the wise woman can't also be beautiful.

But the wise woman is already rare as it is.

So don't say when you meet a God-fearing woman, oh, she's not my

type.

God's word says she should be your type.

A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Let's be a church that praises women for their wisdom, for their fear of the

Lord, and not merely for the way they look.

Let's be a church where women gain attention and respect not because of the

way they look, but because of their wisdom.

Speaking of praise, verses 28 to 31 conclude this poem by speaking of the

excellent wife's wage, her reward, her praise.

It says,

There's a wonderful reciprocation going on from the first part of this passage to the end.

this acrostic began with the question, an excellent wife who can find.

And it ends with the commendation.

Many women have done excellently.

Same word.

But you surpassed them all.

Because of his wife, the man was honored at the gates in verse 23.

And now this same man praises his wife at the gates in verse 31.

This woman rose to provide for her family in verse 15.

And now her family rises up and calls her blessed in verse 28.

She spent the fruit of her hands for the sake of her family in verse 16.

And now she receives the fruit of her hands in verse 31.

Due to the self-effacing nature of her role, the valiant wife might not get widespread recognition.

But her husband and her children rise up and call her blessed.

And there's a note of hope in that relative obscurity also.

Because Jesus teaches us in Matthew chapter 6 verses 1 to 4

Matthew 6:1–4

that those whose good works are seen and praised by others have already received their reward.

But that those whose good works are not seen by men will be rewarded by our Heavenly Father.

The good that the wife does might not receive the recognition that it deserves.

It might not get the recognition that her husband's good works do.

But what is not rewarded here on earth will be rewarded more richly by our Heavenly Father.

And the valiant wife, the worthy wife who fears the Lord lives with that eternal perspective.

What man in his right mind would not marry such a woman?

But what fool would marry a woman who cares nothing for the man but only about herself?

What fool would marry a woman who would repeatedly cheat on him?

What fool would marry a woman who makes no provision for the future but lives only for instant gratification?

What fool would marry a woman who would do no good to him but only harm?

What kind of a fool would marry a woman who incurs only loss and brings no gain to her household?

You know what the answer to that question is?

Only our God whose foolishness is wiser than men.

Only our God who chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise.

Only our God who chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong.

Only our God who chose what is low and despised in the world,

even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are,

so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

Only he would court and betroth himself to such a woman.

Because that's exactly what he did.

Throughout the Old Testament, God describes himself as the husband or bridegroom of his chosen people.

It says in Isaiah 54 verse 5,

Isaiah 54:5

For your maker is your husband.

God says to his people in Hosea chapter 2 verse 19,

Hosea 2:19

And I will betroth you to me forever.

Though we had only been a foolish woman with no potential or promise,

God repeatedly courts us despite our unfaithfulness.

And in his final overture,

Jesus Christ, the Son of God himself,

comes to redeem us, his bride.

It says in Ephesians 5, 25 to 27,

Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church

and gave himself up for her,

that he might sanctify her,

having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,

so that he might present the church to himself in splendor,

without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,

that she might be holy and without blemish.

Jesus, the wisdom of God,

paid the price of our folly on the cross.

And it's by this scandalous grace,

this wonderful folly of Christ crucified,

that we are saved.

In and of ourselves,

we do not have the power to be the kind of man

or the kind of woman we should be.

But when we trust in Christ

and submit ourselves to him

as our Lord,

as our husband,

he sanctifies us.

And he will one day

present us to himself

as a bride

without spot or wrinkle

or any such thing.

Please take a moment

to reflect on this truth.

How is the Lord,

your bridegroom,

calling you to greater allegiance

and submission to him?

As you ask yourself that question,

take a few moments

and then we're going to respond together by...