Can We Talk? Family + Communication

Well, good morning, it is family Sunday.

It's so exciting.

We have our families with us.

If you didn't know, we are walking through a sermon series called Can we Talk?

Can we talk about hard things?

How do we do those things?

And the way that we've broken that down is you know, each week Tyler has brought to us a message, the first one on truth and love, and that there is an absolute truth.

No matter what you think about it, no matter what the world says about it, there's truth and we believe it.

His name is Jesus Christ, and then then he taught us there's a way that we can share that truth.

We can be really hateful with that truth.

It still will be truth, but we can give it lovingly and allow it to work in somebody's heart a little bit easier with the love, right.

And so we're.

He did that in the way of uh, he would have a little um, uh, devotional in the beginning, short sermon in the beginning, and then, uh, what does culture say about the issue?

What does God say about the issue?

And then, how do we talk about it?

And so today we're going to do the same thing with a family and talking to our kids.

Our kids are in the room with us today, and so we've made it fun for them as well, um, so hopefully you can stay in with me in just a little bit.

Me and John are going to be here together, kind of talking back and forth, um, but this sermon is for families.

In total, it's a lot for our parents, uh, but we have a bunch for our kids as well, and so there are two essential uh elements of family, and that, of course, is marriage and parenthood, and these reveal God's character like nothing else in all of creation.

The love between a husband and a wife provides a glimpse of Christ's passionate love that he has for us, his bride, and, in the same way, the ups and downs of uh, of uh raising children, um, show us a picture of God's love and mercy for us, his children, and how he looks toward us with patience and kindness.

And and no matter what we love our children, right, no matter what they do to us, we still love them so very much.

Even in when they're actively being disobedient, there's still our heart for them is so loving and and we want the best for them, and that's the same way that our God is with us.

So it shows that picture right, and family does more than just reflect God's character.

It provides a safe place for where children can experience God's love through their parents and love how to learn how to love others, because, you know, families are the ones that they spend their most time with.

Even Christ himself was born into the context of a family.

God in the flesh he submitted to an earthly mom and a dad for many years and uh, and he honored them and he shows that there was a benefit from their loving direction toward him, because it said that he grew, and Luke two, 52, that Jesus grew and wisdom and stature and in favor with God and men.

And so even uh, god using uh, you know, in the beginning he created and what we're going to talk about in a moment, created family, but, as Christ in the family again was a reminder of how he created family to be and have all the mini masterpieces that God has made and uh, which there are so many, um, you know a lot of people have plagiarized those masterpieces, right, so if you think about it, all of the pictures that you've seen and people pay it, spend hundreds of thousands of dollars for us.

They can hang in their room.

All it really is is a canvas with paint on it, right, and all it is is one of us, the lowly creation, their view of God's creation, right, right.

So they're plagiarizing.

Really, that's what they're doing.

And I got to thinking about this.

We went on a?

Um, a pastoral prayer retreat here last week.

Talk, uh, we went to pray and ask what God wanted to do in 2024.

And, and I was out very early on, um, the lake there, and I got to see the, the?

Um, I should have given the picture.

It was beautiful.

The fog over the lake and the little ridge that was in front of it, uh, you know, was reflected off of the water, because the water was so steel.

It was beautiful, and I saw, I took some pictures of it, and, but the pictures did nothing to what I actually experienced.

And this masterpiece that God has created, the family, is so beautiful, much better than any pictures the world might have of it, right, and so God created it to be such a beautiful, beautiful thing, and it's only a glimpse of it.

But how did he create family?

So today, I'm going to go quickly through a lot of stuff.

And when we're preaching this sermon, um, and we were preparing the sermon.

I mean, we realized there is a lot of information that needs to be put out here and, honestly, we could preach for the next month of Sundays but and still probably feel like we weren't giving enough to it.

But today's main point is how did God create family?

And so that we can see the view and we can talk about that with our family, how, how do we then begin to make a build communication with our family, um, and then talk about some of these hard things that, um, that the world is throwing at us today?

Um, later on next year, sometime, we may do uh, can we talk part two?

Because there are so many things that we need to discuss and we want to do that, and so God created the family.

In this masterpiece Right and and in the masterpiece of all creation, we see it all throughout Genesis, all of these beautiful things that God spoke into existence, the things that we see out in the world.

They're just beautiful.

It's great to sit on my back porch and watch the squirrels and the bunnies bouncing across the yard and, and even when we were at the lake the other day, it was just so beautiful the, the view of the lake and the leaves.

And and it wasn't the buildings that were beautiful, it was the area that you looked at where there was nothing built but just God's creation, and that was more beautiful than anything that could be explained in like pictures and things like that.

It was so beautiful.

And in the midst of doing all of that, in Genesis one 27, then God created man.

He created man in his own image you guys know where in the image of God we're in the image of God and he created male and female.

He created them Male and female.

That's it.

There's just two, male and female, I can promise you.

In Genesis, chapter one, verse 28,.

It doesn't continue on, so Tyler's going to speak more on that next week.

And in verse 28, god blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply the earth, right?

So here's the picture of family.

God created it, god created it.

He created it husband and wife with children.

So the picture of family is completely created by God and, by the way, that's the only way that fan, that the world can even exist is through man and woman, right?

No matter what people say, no matter how they want to live it, and we'll talk about that going against God's creation, but there is only one way for us to exist, and it's only happened one time where a man and a woman didn't get together, but God still put the child into Mary and Jesus was born, right.

So there, none of us are here without man and woman.

God's creation making that happen, right.

So it's simple to see, very easy, and it's again one of those things that are not up for negotiation, they're not up for interpretation.

This is the way God created it.

It's very easy to see, unless you throw a lot of very confusing things in that make no sense at all.

So that you can make up your story.

God created family.

He created this way because he wanted us to have that.

He wanted to make a way for us to grow up and show the picture of how he loves us.

And but this question the culture today keeps questioning God, which is which is kind of wild.

I think about this often, like there's a lot of things in earth that it can be complainly seen, but yet it's it's questioned repeatedly.

And it it reminds me of, like my daughter.

She draws a lot and she's actually drawing some this morning and, and I just imagine for a moment, the piece of paper that she's drawing on just moves and says, nope, I don't want the, I don't want that line right there.

You quit, nope.

So the creation is arguing with the creator.

That's what we do when we don't follow God's path and God's plan.

Where the piece of paper trying to move no, no, don't put that line right there, I don't want that line right there, I don't like that.

You just put blue shoes on me.

I want red shoes on me.

The creation has no right to question the creator about how he created it.

Right, and that's what we believe.

And if you believe anything other than that, you are receiving the live the devil, the God of this world.

So, in short, really quickly, I've chosen just a few scriptures to talk about how the Bible talks about family.

There are way more than this, but just quick.

In proverbs one a listen, my son, to your father's teaching.

I mean in your father's instructions, and do not forsake your mother's teaching, and he's already in proverbs there, of course.

In the beginning he created the family and he showed us how it's going.

And then proverbs tells us as children, listen to your parents.

He tells us again in Exodus 2012, honor your father and your mother, that the days on this earth may be long and that God's given to you.

And we continue on in New Testament where Luke, chapter one and chapter two Jesus came as a baby.

You talked about that a moment again I mean a moment ago about how Jesus came into the world as a family.

He grew in the family and increased in wisdom and stature in favor of the Lord.

And in Ephesians, chapter five through chapter six, talking about how husbands should respond and wives should respond to one another.

And this is one of those that I love so much and it's really important I want to bring that out today is how we husbands are supposed to love our wives Like Christ loves the church.

Oftentimes we just kind of look over that right and we don't think much of it.

But how does Jesus love us Really?

Stretched out his arms and died for us.

He doesn't remind us of our wrongdoings, he doesn't condemn us, he doesn't nag us and try to get us to do different things.

He's loving and he's kind and he's compassionate and he cares about me to the deepest core.

Now, love my wife that way.

It's hard, but that is what we're supposed to do.

And we get multiple verses husband, of how we're supposed to do that.

And wives, you guys just get like three, honor your husbands, right.

But, guys, it would be really easy for our wives to stand beside us and honor us If we're loving them like Christ loves us.

And it's not that one Lord's over the other.

It's not that way at all, because man and woman, when they get married, become one flesh.

They are together.

Right, the man is the lead spokesperson, but not the, you know the guy who's going to trump over the family.

That is not what scripture says.

There's no way that I can walk toward the door If my left leg is saying I want to go through that door, that's going to be a funny looking walk and I'm not going to make it to the door.

And that's my husband, my wife.

We, my wife and me, are together that way.

I can't walk without her.

We need it together because we are one and God made it that way.

And children it says to obey your parents.

And this is a commandment with a promise, because it's honoring to God.

This is the way he made it, so that your lives would be long.

God has given you a family to listen to, because they have the guidance for you.

Their job is to pray and listen.

And then it says fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Parents, there are times we make our kids, our parents, our children, our kids mad and we know that what we're doing to them makes them mad and that is what this scripture is saying Stop it.

Just as you don't like your buttons pushed, they are a little human and they deserve honor and respect the same way you don't push their little buttons.

And it's not a thing of you having to back off from your discipline, because it says raise them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

But you can discipline your child without pushing their buttons and without making them mad and bringing them to anger and exacerbating them, making them upset.

That is not what we're meant to do and that does not begin what we're gonna talk about here in just a few moments, that line of trust and communication that we want so bad and what we need to be able to have these hard conversations.

But what's lacking in our culture when we talk about all of this is a fear of God.

The world does not have a fear of God.

God created everything.

He, throughout time has taken it out.

He has taken all of it out and he could do it again.

We do realize that our God, who created us, is real right.

Who's he really did?

He's the one giving us breath right now.

He has the option to stop it Like he does.

We've gotta have a fear of God and then we will begin to have a fear of God's word that he said.

I will listen to him because he's God.

He created me, he did it, and we're walking through our Bible reading plan and Jeremiah and listening to this even this morning.

How they weren't listening.

The prophet was just continue to tell him well, this is the word of the Lord.

This is the word of the Lord.

If you just repent and turn, I won't let you be destroyed, just turn.

None of them.

They would burn the scrolls.

They would put the prophet in prison, once in a really bad dungeon, the next in the bottom of the cistern and four feet of mud.

You know all of these things.

They did not care about the word of the Lord that was coming.

And what happened?

God, let it happen.

God, let them be taken, and a lot of them died and a lot of their things were taken.

This is we do serve a God who is in control of all right, and we thank God so much that he sent Jesus Christ down the cross for us so that we could then come close to him.

So then we have the right to come and ask him for forgiveness because of what Jesus has done for us.

But it's still God, he's still coming back.

He's still.

We're gonna have to account for the things that we've done and said or not done and not said.

So we need to begin to realize that if God says it, that's the way it is In all of these things when we're talking about, can we talk?

If God says it, that's it.

There's no room for all the nonsense, thinking, all the stuff that makes no sense, and all of us ask questions how do you even come up with that theology or that thought process or anything?

There's no room for that.

God says it, that's it.

And so first, husbands and wives, we need to be leading our family.

We must hear what the Lord says that we should do for our children, and that is to train them up in the way they should go in Proverbs 22.

So when they get old, they will not depart from him.

There's a lot expected right here.

This is not to be taken lightly, and I'm reminded of the scripture that Jesus had said in Matthew 18,6, and this wasn't scripture to Jesus, he's just talking to him.

Right, and so he says but whoever causes one of these little ones that believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great milestone fastened around his neck and dropped to the depths of the sea.

Wow, that should tell you how serious your creator.

Remember.

Jesus spoke life in this.

Everything was made through him right, everything.

He's the one who's saying this.

Your creator, Don't lead children in the wrong way.

He will not turn out good for you.

I promise that's not my words.

So we should take it very, very serious that God has given us children to lead in God.

We must show our children how to live this.

Do as I say, not as I do.

Live stuff that's going on.

That's gotta be the worst saying I've ever heard.

It's like living a hypocritical life all the time.

We can't be living this with our family.

Do not ask our children to do anything that we ourselves aren't currently doing right.

We can't do that.

We can't expect that they're going to follow what we're saying if we ourselves aren't doing it.

So we show them love through the way that God loves us.

We give them love because he first loved us.

He shows us the example of love and we should repeatedly in our mind be thinking about meditating on God's love for us, so that God's love for us comes out into our children, because, again, this is the first time that they see the love of God.

This is the first time they equate father with love, mother with love, and what they get here in the beginning can shape how they see father.

For years and it's been sad, I've heard it in the past and even some in the room you can't look at the word father and equate it with God Because of how you learned as a child what father looked like and you can't see that the two were together.

The two were together and so we have to be careful for that.

If we want our children to trust us to the fullest, we must have truth with them in every answer we give them.

Listen to this scripture Matthew 5, 37.

Again, it's Jesus.

They'll let you yes, be yes and your nose be no.

We've all heard that one right?

I tell that to my kids all the time.

You see the next part.

For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

Any deceit that we sow into our children, any deceit, it's gotta go away.

We can't just make up stuff.

We'll talk about that more here in just a little bit when me and John come up with the questions and the answers toward the end.

But we need to let our kids know that no matter what we say, they can guarantee that it's always the truth.

We're not gonna sugarcoat it.

It's gonna be age appropriate, but we're not going to twist it.

If you want your kids to know more about I mean, if you wanna know your kids more and give them the opportunity to have questions, you're gonna have to spend more time with them.

Turn the TV off, put the phone down.

Like a lot of us work full-time jobs, we're spending three hours an evening with our kid.

How many of those hours are spent with our kids?

How many of those hours are with mindless entertainment?

And so we wanna open up communication levels, communication avenues.

We need to begin to allow communication to start by being with them.

But you gotta understand this doesn't happen overnight.

Now I'm not saying like, if you add some of the things that me and John are talking about today, to your life, that it's gonna happen tomorrow, like you start talking to your kid tomorrow afternoon and you think that they're gonna go ahead and answer you.

This happens over time.

This is like cultivating.

It's like a garden.

You're gonna begin to cultivate the soil by hanging out with them and getting to know them a little bit.

You're gonna keep moving that dirt around and then you're gonna start putting some seeds in here and there as you show them how to live for Christ, because you're modeling this.

Christian means Christ.

Like Paul said, follow me as I follow Christ.

And that's what we're doing as families, right?

So then we start putting in little seeds here and there and we keep watering that, and then what happens?

It finally grows and it comes out and we're able to have communication with them.

That's how it starts.

So, husbands, are you being the man that you want your son to be?

Wives, are you being the wife that you want your daughter to be?

The beginning steps of a relationship with children is to help them to know that you're there for them and that you're going to have their back and that you're going to listen to them and that you're going to give them the truth about it.

So, kids, this one's for you for a moment.

Alright, your parents aren't always perfect, right, we're not, we're going to mess up, but our job is to honor our fathers and our mothers, and that honors God when we do so.

And why is that?

Because God gave you to your parents for them to guide you, and there's no one else in this world that loves you as much as your mama and your daddy.

No one else.

So if you go to school and ask somebody a question and you think it might be truth, they don't really care where you end up in the end.

They're just going to tell you what makes sense for them, what might manipulate you to help them grow a little bit in their popularity or whatnot.

And the truth is, guys, if you were gone today, the world might throw you on the news for a moment to make a dollar off of you.

But the ones who care and miss you are your family, because they want the best for you.

They want you to grow up strong.

They want you to grow in the fear and the aponition of the Lord, because they know that they have found that their life has changed since they met God and they're just trying to share with you the principles that either once they led them to Jesus or what they wished they had known when they were a child, because they care for you.

So listen to them.

God put these parents in your life because it is their responsibility to look after you, to make sure that you're alive, to make sure that you're fed for, but most of all, to make sure that you know Jesus Christ.

And the truth is, kids, you guys got to hear this.

If you guys were on your bicycle or your go card or whatever you've got, and you were driving it toward a big O tree, do you want them to stop you from hitting the tree?

It's going to hurt pretty bad when you're driving really fast.

Or do you just want them to step out of the way?

No, you want them to stop me from hitting the tree.

It's going to hurt like I didn't see the tree.

Well, that's the thing.

Most of the time, your parents are trying to help you to not jump off the cliff or to hit a tree or whatnot, because they've been there, they've done this, they've seen it, they've personally experienced it.

They hit the tree, they fell off the cliff, and they don't want you to have to experience the same thing.

So listen to their wisdom, listen to what they're trying to say to you, because their heart is for you.

Your friends are only going to tell you half truths and whole lies.

They'll tell you what they want you to hear and that's it.

So now we know what family is.

We're going to call John up here.

We believe that this is family.

Family is man and woman and children.

This is family.

There's no other definition that is acceptable and we'll talk about that.

But you got to realize too, today, again, we're talking about specific things, specifically communicating with your kids and things like that.

Again, we could go way beyond this and talk about families that may have had things happen in their past where maybe mom, dad's not here, diverses, things like that.

We're not talking about any of those things.

We're just talking about the basic form of family.

So today, me and John are going to talk about, like Tyler's been doing, what culture says and then what God says.

And then how do we talk about it?

And John and I today are just going to kind of jump back and forth on that what culture says, what God says, and then just give you some thoughts on it To give you a little bit of background in case you don't know.

I have two kids here on earth.

I've got one in heaven, I've got my little girl.

She's 10, and then my little boy is here, is four and a half, and so I'm raising young children, right, I've got right out of toddler days to tween here.

I've been a youth pastor for many, many years.

I've been here at Trinity for 21 years and, gosh, I'd say 18 of that was in youth ministry.

And so then, john, what you telling them about yourself?

Good morning Trinity.

Where are my youth there?

you are.

So great to have them.

Yeah, Laura and I have been married for 31 years and we have two amazing children who are not children anymore 26 and 20, almost 24, which I was able to answer faster this time than the first service.

So proud of that.

But we also are here for the children's ministry.

I had that up and active in the youth and it's just been a blessing and an honor to minister to youth for many years and I was so thankful for that opportunity.

A lot of interesting experiences and a lot of funny stories.

But we're going to share some of the things today that we've been able to learn from being able to be part of these kids lives.

It's been a blessing.

So today, the culture says a number of really rough things.

We're just going to point out a few of them.

One of them is kids are disrespectful and actively want to hide their lives from their parents.

I'm glad we didn't hear any amends.

Really happy about that.

This can be a true statement, right, we've all experienced that.

We've all been there, probably.

But what we're trying to say here is that that does not have to be the case.

The world tends to put labels on people.

This is the way it is.

There's no room for change, no room for redemption.

But we know that the gospel is a message of redemption and new life and change.

We don't have to remain the same.

So when your children are in those situations, you don't just have to accept that that's just the way they are.

We need to share with them the proper way to show respect and to honor God in that way.

For our children and our youth also.

They need to understand that there needs to be change, and Derek mentioned before that, as you're living in front of your children, that they see that you are adapting to the change and to the things that God has revealed in your life.

So we don't need to be happy with the situation we're in.

We can, through the power of the Holy Spirit, experience newness of life and change in our lives.

So let's not just let the world label us that way and say that's just the way I am, get used to it, because that's not a message from God.

Yeah, and I was just thinking about it, it's not even in the notes, but I would actually say that most kids don't want to be disrespectful and actively go against you.

I believe, as we our parents started a young age spending time with them and getting to know them and we put them in the place that they should be and teaching them and things that they actually want to be with us and they want to talk to, they don't want to actively be against us.

There might be some disagreements and stuff, but I don't think that's their deepest heart.

It may be their deepest heart when you're not guiding them directly and they don't want to be near you because they feel like you might not be leading them in the right direction, but I just think that not all kids would be like that.

So the next one would be parents don't understand what young people are dealing with today.

You don't need a parent, you need a therapist.

Wow, this is a message that we've heard especially lately.

It's been a very big topic in our country.

Parents are realizing the fact that the people that we've entrusted to watch over our children, train, teach our children, have a completely separate agenda, right, and they're trying to cut us out of the loop.

And that's not the way God has set it up.

And Derek quoted scripture in the beginning of the service that the parents are the primary responsible one for the instruction of their child, and that's ordained by God and we should take that seriously and we should be actively involved and know who is teaching our children, what they're teaching, where their worldview is coming from, all those things.

I know in our Children's Ministry we send things home with the kids all the time.

So you guys are informed, because although we're here to help you, we're not here to take your job away.

Right.

We're here to give in the primary responsibility of being the spiritual leaders of your children and train them up in the way they should go.

We're here to do everything we can to assist you in that and help you in that, but we're not here to do the job that you were supposed to do.

So there is a place.

Therapists are not an evil thing.

We're not preaching against therapists or counselors or anything like that.

God has instructed us to have Godly counsel, so there's nothing wrong with that.

But to know where the people who are the people that are training or instructing your children know where they stand Right and, as Derek spoke earlier in Proverbs, listen to your parents.

You know young people we need.

You need to remember that that they do have worldly experience.

I thought it was just amazing how intelligent my dad got when I turned 19.

He didn't know anything all the years that are through 13 to 19.

But then, all of a sudden, he had all this wisdom.

Like where did he get that from?

It was just that I wasn't listening to it.

So we need to be conscious of that fact that it is very important that we are intentionally paying attention to what's being poured into our children and making sure that the voice of the Lord coming through us is the loudest voice that they hear.

Right, that's true.

And the next one is children are an inconvenience, so we should abort them.

You know, it's really sad and seeing a few pictures lately of people having parties because they just had abortions and things like that.

So the culture is saying that children aren't inconvenienced.

What is the word of God?

Tell us, john, they're an inheritance.

Yes, they're an inheritance, a blessing to us.

At times we may feel, you know, a lot of demands on us as parents, which is true, right, raising children is not an easy thing, right?

Yeah, we all know that.

Sorry, guys, you may think you're just all sweet, but you can be challenging and the world, as Derek said, you know, life is not important, right, if it's not convenient in your stage of life, if you don't need to feel like you want to be bothered in this situation, then just do away with it.

But God has an is definitely not it right, and it's very important to him.

And, as we learned earlier, jesus just beckoned the children to come to him.

Why did Jesus tell us all that if children weren't really important?

But they are, and I'm thankful to be part of a church that really believes that, not just in word, but indeed and in all of our efforts and everything we do around here, and we firmly believe that the children are the church of today.

Right, we will be part of the church of the future.

There are future leaders, future pastors.

I see Pastor Noah out there.

Maybe I don't know, but we don't know what God's gonna lead them into and we wanna be here and lead them and guide them and direct them.

But they are the church today just as much as all of us are.

So they have value and we need to respect that and honor that.

And, as parents, sometimes we're busy in our life and your kid wants to do something or ask you a question and we're busy in all and it's hard, right.

Sometimes it's just hard to take that time.

We're not trying to criticize that or that's a reality, right?

You're in the middle of doing.

I remember I used to.

If I had to fix something at the house I'd wait till nap time, right, because if I was doing it and they're like grabbing this, grabbing that where's my gear going and they're off running around with it, all right, but that's okay.

There's still a blessing and we need to just experience that time with our children and really enjoy it.

Yeah you know, thinking about that.

You know my little boy, he's all about grabbing stuff like you're talking about.

When he wants to, he wants to help me.

I can do the job myself in five minutes with him as an hour.

But, man, that hour was fun and he'll remember it for the rest of his life, so it's really good.

So the next one that people are saying is children should be free to make their own life, altering decisions without the encompasses of their parental oversight.

So if you didn't know this, they were pushing really hard that if your child has a whim that they're a dinosaur, then they can become one, or become the opposite sex, or become a race car or whatever they want to, and parents don't need to know about it.

Parents don't get to bring in their opinion on it and they're not gonna tell you about it.

And I'm thinking about the scripture there and Proverbs 14, 12,.

There's a way that seems right to a man, but it's end is the way to death.

You know, a lot of the world around us believes that these things are right, but it's end is death, right?

So we have to protect our children because, again back to Proverbs right, you know, follow the instructions of our parents and our job as parents to lead and guide them right.

So, as long as my child's happy, that's all that matters.

Anyone ever hear that?

Yeah, totally not true, not true at all.

But yet that is a philosophy that is very real in our society today.

Right, as long as they're happy, I don't really agree with their decision.

I don't agree with it, but they're happy, so that's all that matters.

Happiness is not the determination of truth.

Right, I would be very happy to have a pan of brownies for dinner today.

That would make me very happy, but it's not good for me, right, it's not the best thing for me and I'll probably be sorry later on for that, but we have this mentality of that.

Happiness is that measure that we're doing right and it's not right Things.

There is a way that seems right, but it's not.

We have to follow after the path of God, and it's so important to allow our children to know that right that I'm not doing this because I'm against you or I don't want you to have fun, or I'm doing these things because it's in your benefit.

It will benefit you.

God gives us the desires of our heart when our heart is desiring after him, right, and it's just so important to remember that and to be a living testimony in front of our children of that we love you.

We're setting these things up.

It's important to establish those boundaries.

It's not wrong to say no to your child.

It's not a wrong thing, right?

But they want it oh, they just wanted it so bad.

No, we have to, as the parents, step up and be a parent, and I've told this to some people before be a parent, be the parent, right.

It may not be easy, it may not go over that well in the beginning, but your child will be better off for it, right?

So don't allow the culture to dictate that to us that we're just gonna give in because the child knows best.

I mean even just saying that you're all like.

Well, are you kidding me?

Seems like common sense.

Yeah, seems like common sense.

So just follow after God's truth and hopefully your children understand that you know the word of God and that you know that God's ways are best and to follow after them.

And then one of the last questions here, or the last things that culture says is family is a concept that is defined differently for everyone.

For some it is having two moms, others for two dads.

It's not based up on what God says family is and of course, we all see that in our life.

Some of us have that in our own families.

I do.

I've got them throughout my family.

But there's some truth We've talked about this truth this morning of how families made.

Family was created and God created that and he showed us again when Jesus came and he put that baby into a family right, and you see the way that it was done.

And this earth, if everybody was wiped off and it was just two men left, earth is done.

There's nothing you can do about it.

It is what it is.

So anything on there.

Yeah, and if God didn't care so much about family, why do we look through the Old Testament and see generation after generation after generation?

We may not like to read it and maybe a little hard to pronounce some of the names, but you know so-and-so had so-and-so Right on down the line.

If family is not important to God, why do he put it in his scripture and we can overlook that a lot of times of where we came from, where we're at now, where we're going, but we have a generational faith and we want to pursue that and we want to pass that on.

So, holding on to the fact that God did have a plan, that God did establish the family.

It was so important to him and that from the time in the garden, when sin entered the world, that was an immediate attack on the family, a lot of times we think, oh, adam sinned, eve sinned, but that was the devil attacking family.

From then on, family issues happened right, cain and Abel, all these things that have been transferred through the ages, and we're not here saying that if you don't have, you're not married and have a, two children and a dog, and the white picket fence that you're out of God's will, okay, understand that.

That's not what we're saying.

Things happen in life, problems happen.

Derek mentioned his family.

I lost my mom when I was six.

She died of cancer, so it was just my dad and I for many years, and then we had he remarried stepmother.

There's all the situations with Step families and different things that come into play, right, but God gives us the grace and the mercy and he's there with us to walk us through those situation.

There's not condemnation, right, we mentioned that earlier.

The gospel is not a gospel condemnation of judgment without any hope of redemption, but it is About forgiveness and it's about redemption and it's about new life and it's so important that we hold on to that and show our children that, yes, there's mistakes, there's things you can do that are wrong, but there's forgiveness and it's they know Right.

They know that when we mess up.

Did you ever think they don't know kids?

Your parents ever mess up?

No, okay, I told this story in the first service.

You know, when I make a mistake as father, I just make sure it's, it's memorable.

So.

But Kyle was about ten, I guess Somewhere in there, and he was getting ready for hoedown, wanted to be a soldier.

Great little thing he was putting together all this stuff.

And I'm coming home from work and I see the military surplus store.

I thought I'll get him some good props.

This will be great.

He'll be so happy.

I go in there again some little things.

They had this little machine and makes dog tags.

Oh, that'd be cool.

You know, you get his name printed on that, get his birthday and all that stuff.

Put it on there.

I'm all excited.

I come home I give it to him and he looks at the dog tags and says what's this?

So that's your dog tags at your name birthday.

That's not my birthday, all right.

So yeah, so I had messed it up.

Not only did I mess up his birthday, but I had it imprinted in metal, engraved in metal, and it's like oh great, you know.

So I messed it up.

He still has it today.

Okay, he was here in the morning service and I had gone back and I made up new ones with the correct date Redemption.

Here we go.

Yeah, he has those two.

He doesn't know where they are, but he could pinpoint so our children know when we mess up.

All right, let's not try to hide it, let's try to be honest.

Yeah, and Derek brought it out so clearly that if we want to create Good trust with our children, we want to create those good Conversations, we need to be honest with them.

Right, because the best conversations we've had with our children have been in the van driving around.

You know they open up.

You have to be ready for that.

The world says it's not about the quantity, it it's about the quality.

When it comes to children, that's not true.

Okay, it's quantity of time, because you can't set an appointment, you can't just put it in there.

Okay, on Monday at seven o'clock we're gonna have a meaningful conversation.

No, that's not how it happens.

It happens when you're not expecting it, or maybe you're not ready for it or something else is going on in your life and you really do need to Concentrate on that and grab the moment, because they don't come that often, right, parents?

They don't.

They don't come that often and we need to grab it when it comes about or we'll miss out on it.

So listen to your children, you know.

Listen to what they're saying and what they're doing and Don't try to be so perfect.

I'm just trying to understand the fact that the discipline is important, that we're honoring what we say.

Right?

Did we get to the part?

about that.

Okay, I don't want to jump ahead but yeah, so honoring the concept of family is important.

We don't need to listen to the world the way they bash it down.

So now we're gonna start talking about a little bit about how to talk about these things, right.

They're gonna come to us with really hard questions and we got to be prepared for that, right, and we've talked about some ways that we need to begin to cultivate the soil to get our children in a place where they would Trust us enough to talk to us, right, and so of course, we first need to remember truth, truth, truth and.

But how do we get the conversation started?

Maybe creating conversational moments.

You know different types of doing that, but also in this one, we have to again show them trust, and John really nailed on this a minute ago.

But, parents, when we screw up, we need to ask our kids for forgiveness.

Yeah, I know some of you didn't like.

I just said that You're not perfect and we talked earlier with the kids, right?

What are you trying to teach them?

You trying to teach them to do as I say or not as I do?

Or you trying to say follow me as I follow Christ.

So you mess up, you get a little aggravated, you yell at them, maybe you, whatever you Aggravated them.

You need to ask for forgiveness.

I got to tell you.

I'll be completely honest with you.

I asked my kids for forgiveness, probably on a weekly basis, and Ali'd be able to tell you whether I'm lying or not.

You can ask my children, and anything I say up here is truth.

She will probably.

I'm praying that she tells you everything that I'm saying.

You know, because it's truth.

Right, she won't lie to you.

But the thing is is you know when we mess up, you know, hey, I'm sorry, I did this.

This is exactly what I did.

I did it wrong.

This was not the way God would have me to respond to you when I did this.

I Apologize, please forgive me.

Will you forgive me now?

Will you pray with me that I will grow in this?

It's not taken away from the fact that, yes, they did something wrong and and they need you know the discipline that you're dealing with.

You know you're not going to take away the fact that you did ground them because they were completely disobedient in every way.

But you were wrong too.

I apologize for that.

And, man, you, you got to break down your pride and do it quickly.

And they see that and that's what begins to Get those conversations started, because they trust you, they know that you're not just trying to make up something.

They know that you're not just some hardened person they can't trust to talk to you because you never you know as forgiveness.

You just tell me that I should do it all the time, but you never do.

You never admit when you're wrong, but you want me to admit when I'm wrong all the time, and they know that.

Just as John said, these kids know when we screw up we need to apologize.

We need to seek forgiveness From our children.

They're little humans too, right, little children of God.

They're not just your puppy that you get to take care of until they grow up.

So we should do that.

We got to train them and also be slow to anger and quick to repent, because that's the same thought process, but something I wanted to share and I didn't do in the first service.

I wish I would have.

But you know, sometimes our kids want to come to us with something about the way that we've been treating them and if, if your kid ever comes to you and they feel like that, they have built enough communication with you, they will be honest about an issue that they feel that they're receiving, like you, the way you're treating them.

Man, you should tear that up.

You should be all in it with open ears.

Yes, I'll listen to you.

I hear what you say and this does a couple things because, first, you're gonna show that they feel comfortable enough with you to come to you with such a hard thing to do, right?

I mean that is for them to be able to do that.

I mean that takes some real trust that you're not just gonna blow up at him.

Second, if they're right, what do we need to do?

Parents, we need to prevent, right?

We could be doing wrong to them, and we should.

We could be Exasturbating our children and because of we're pushing their buttons and we shouldn't be doing that.

Or, third, it could be way off base, and this gives you an opportunity, because they're open, to talk to you about it, about why that, what they're thinking is incorrect and doesn't line up with the word of the Lord, right?

So, either way it goes, it's gonna come out great and we need to do that.

So we also need to stay consistent with our, our discipline, right?

Yeah, part of the biggest part about building trust is consistency.

Right, we know that Trust is extremely hard to gain from someone, right?

And it's even harder to get it back.

So if you lose somebody's trust Then it's almost impossible to get it back.

So you want to be consistent with your children and show them that we can trust in the Lord because he's always faithful, right and to understand the boundaries are good and to what was your vision?

Back part of we stay consistent.

How do we stay consistent?

Yeah, don't do these ideal.

Responses right.

No emotional response in your discipline.

Don't be halfway to Florida and tell them we're gonna turn around if you're not good.

They know you're not gonna do that.

It's not happening right.

And they'll say, yeah, right, dad.

So you know, be be real with them, be consistent, let them know the expected behavior and hold them to it.

Don't be afraid to say no.

Like we said earlier and that just gives a another good example of how God is Instructing us right there's no wavering on Obedience so, then that can leads to truth, and we've talked about this a number of times, but are we always sharing the truth of them?

Our answers, at any age, should be the absolute truth.

Of course, they should be given in age appropriate times, right?

You don't tell your you know four-year-old the exact same truth that you would give your 14 year old, right, because the 14 year old may be able to understand it.

The four-year-olds like freaked out now, right?

So your four-year-old, where does babies come from?

A 14 year old, where's babies come from?

Two totally different conversations which you need to be telling the truth, right?

And you don't make up anything with it.

And this is a personal conviction that I've had for many years is I will not lie To my children about anything.

I have a very deep conviction about, you know, raising your child up with Lies and disbeliefs and having your family circle around to help you with your lies and disbeliefs For the first five to seven years of your life.

Parents, you know what I'm talking about, right?

I don't have Easter bunnies, don't lay eggs at my house, and so when you think about these things and you raise your children for five to seven years and everyone around you is keeping up your deceit and lies.

What is it teaching your children when this mystical being disappears?

But yet Jesus to them at this point may still be a mystical being as well?

And Now, for seven years you lied to me and I just found out you broke the truth that I thought I was believing.

I, I trusted you and then you tear that trust down.

Was Jesus real to then?

Everything else I've believed my whole life is a lie.

Is Jesus real to?

And you can really mess up you trust that you have with your child.

There's a difference between messing up there, there, what do you call?

My mind's just gone blank.

You imagination, you can have fun with them.

My daughter runs around all the time with her baby doll and I talked to her baby doll, or baby doll, you know, is running to the store with us.

I know what the baby doll wants from the store, but we know the baby doll is not alive.

I don't go around Having everyone believe with me that this baby doll is real.

It's totally real, it's alive.

We don't do that because, again, we are building up trust, because, again, in personal conviction here, if, if I Continue to do that, then my daughter and my son will not believe every word I say.

Well, that did have those white lies when I was younger.

White lies, their lies, half truths or lies.

And remember the scripture earlier, matthew 18.

I let your yes be yes and your nose be nose.

Anything else is from the evil one Right.

Of course, I am very strong in belief.

So these things come out in that right Because I see certain things in scripture that are not.

They're not like.

You can't like Make up your own version of it.

It's simple to stay yes is yes and no is no period.

So I've had conversations with my kids.

If they ask a question, where does babies come from, don't be shocked.

Don't let your chin hit the ground.

Tell them where babies come from.

Age appropriately, right, that's a key point.

Age Appropriately, you know, if it's talking about things in the world.

I had to have a conversation with my daughter the other day about my two family members that I have, just in case that I want to say names or anything.

They are same-sex and they're married and my daughter wanted to know.

You know what's wrong with this.

You know as this.

It's absolutely wrong in every way.

It's against creation itself.

Now how do we treat them?

It brought on a whole conversation of how we love the center.

Right, we love them because they are, you know, people just like us that need a savior, and so we love them.

We never shun them.

We invite them over for dinner.

They're at our family get-togethers.

We're gonna give them the hug, we're gonna tell them we love them, but we're going to exemplify Christ in us and if we get the opportunity and they ask us how we believe, we're gonna share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them, right?

So the next one is Family trust must be maintained in order for everyone to have open dialogue.

So that kind of leads to the when you're having conversations so small, consistent check-ins, right.

Yeah, like we said, the small talks in the van the.

You know, like I said, it's been a privilege and an honor to be able to administer children and youth for a long time and I can tell you I've had more beneficial Conversations over a slice of pizza and if you're dealing with the youth it's more like four slices of pizza.

But they open up and they express to you right and more than standing in front of a group of a hundred or two hundred teenagers and speaking with them and all 101.

And that's when you can really minister to them and, like I said, take advantage of those Little moments that pop up and be ready for them.

They say don't be shocked, don't be pushing it off for dodging the questions, but be ready for them and Enjoy that time.

Mm-hmm and kids, I really encourage you talk to your parents.

You know it's.

They have lived this.

What might feel uncomfortable for you to talk to your parent about they felt comfortable talking to their parent about at one point.

They know it and they're ready for you to come talk to them.

They want you to just come talk to them.

They want to give you the truth about it.

When you go to your family or I mean to your friends at school and and places on the internet and things like that you're not gonna get the real truth.

You're gonna get the perverted and incorrect truth.

Yeah, so come to your parents and ask them these things, because they they do want to lead and guide you and give you the truth that's gonna lead your life toward God and and toward the best life that you can have.

The last one here is what does honor look like in difficult and An abusive family situations?

First, I want to talk here for just a second.

If there is actual physical abuse, you need to be talking to someone immediately.

Talk to someone you trust kids.

Talk to someone you trust.

If that person doesn't Take immediate action, you need to talk to someone in your, in your church, that you can trust things like that.

So when it comes to that, the question here really is about, you know, emotional or a mouth like talking abuse.

So what?

What does honor look like when somebody's not saved in your home and the other may be?

You know, you may have an unbelieving parent that is not always following the ways of the Lord, and so, looking at those things, first it's obedience to God.

You know, if you're being obedient to your unbelieving dad or mom, then that's being obedient to God and you're called to be obedient to your parents, just Not if they're asking you to do ungodly things.

Right?

I actually heard a story not long ago of someone who Got in trouble and went to prison.

You were telling me about this.

Got in trouble, went to prison because he was helping his dad still a bobcat Skid steer, if you don't know what Bobcat is and and so he went to prison for years because he's helping his dad.

Still a, I'm just helping dad.

Don't listen to your father if he tells you to go take the keys from Josh Moe and get the car.

It's not what we're saying, right?

But what we are saying is, when you obey your parents, god honors you, god Blesses you because you're being honoring to God, because that was his commandment, right?

So the world is not silent on these issues, so we can't be either, and yeah in conclusion, it that's so true.

The world is out there in very loud voices Trying to distract children to follow after the teachings that they're doing, and we need to be aware of that and to share the gospel with boldness and truth and love and Confidence, like we've talked about this morning.

And I know a lot of what we've said kind of applies to the normal Situations in families and that's not always the case, and you may be here and have had a horrible family experience.

You know we're praying for you and we want you to know also that this is a family, right, the family of God.

That's why family is important to God.

The structure is there and we're all in this together and we're here to support one another and you know, pray for you.

I know we have single moms, single dads, grandparents raising children, all these different scenarios but his grace is sufficient, right.

It's not about what the devil has done.

We know the devil has been actively destroying families.

We know that, right.

But what the devil has meant for evil, god will turn for good and that's so important.

And as believers yes, this is true as believers and members of the body here you may not have children.

You may not Be in that stage of life, but we can support one another and we can pray for our Families that are here with young children.

Encourage them as you see them dealing with your children, give them a little help now and again or, if you've Experienced things you can help them in, encourage them in it.

Do it right.

It's just so important because the world is is out there to destroy.

It's.

The devil's job is to seek out and destroy and that's what he's doing and he's very good at it.

But we're thankful that we serve a God that's an overcomer, right so, before you pray, one thing that I do want to share, that my wife and I have done for many years and I shared in the first service, was Young couples, young moms and dads.

You need to find people in your life that you can look to wisdom.

For okay Early years, I always look to mark and Melissa.

We took so many of our parenting things from them and then we got to know John and Laura and and we run to them so many times on how did you do this?

What did you do?

We've ran to Tyler and Amy and you know our little girls getting a little bigger and it's like how do we do this in different situations, and that is why we are here as a family, and so I encourage each and every one of you to join in with other believing families, right, and those who are a little older than you and those who are a little younger than you, so that you can gain wisdom from the ones that are a Number of years ahead of you and you can follow, you know the things that really worked out for them, that God showed them, and and God can help you to have wisdom through that.

And then, while you've got that younger one under you and you're trying to lead their children and, like, help them as well, and then you're able to pass down all of this knowledge that God has given to our Elderly families and stuff as they have raised for so many years, and in that again, such a beautiful picture of the family of God, with grandparents and great-grandparents down to parents and then on down into the kids and, and it's the same thing in the church, it's just a much larger family.

In this room we have great-grandparents and grandparents and we've got parents and we've got soon to be parents and and it is so amazing how God has given us this beautiful picture of family.

We've got to remember what that beautiful picture is, because the world continues to try to distort it and you don't get to see the beauty of what God created it to be in the beginning.

Right, go ahead, bro.

Hey man, all right, we're gonna close in prayer.

I was very over everyone and, again, just be encouraged.

Okay, we don't want you to be feeling condemned or anything like that, but Repentance is about turning around right and taking a step forward, and we're here to help you in any way we can with that, and there's gonna be a prayer team up here and Any needs that you have, anything you need to pray about, they'd be happy to pray with you about it.

But, lord, god, I just thank you that we could gather here this morning.

I thank you, lord, that you are a God that loves us, that you love family.

Lord, I thank you that your ways are perfect.

Lord, help us to be Concerned about generations.

Lord, help us to have a generational faith that we want our children's children to follow after you.

And, god, I just pray that we would be aware of the fact that we need the power of the Holy Spirit in our lives To do any of this, god, that we cannot do it on our own, that when we are weak, you are strong.

We know that the Holy Spirit's there to inspire us, to strengthen us and to give us wisdom.

And, lord, I'm just praying for those here who may have had horrible Childhood, and Lord, may the bad parents, bad Family members, any of those situations, god, I pray healing in the name of Jesus upon that Lord.

God, I pray that we would be encouraged to lift one another up when things are not Going the way that we think they should go, but, god, that we had to remember that you are a faithful God, that you are a trustworthy God.

Even when we're not, we can still put our faith in our trust in you and Lord, I just pray, as we're going into these holiday seasons and we're coming Meeting family members that we may have disagreements with or problems with, lord, I'm just praying for healing in these relationships.

God, family is so important.

I just praying for the protocols to return, god, we're praying for relationships to be mended, god, that no longer would there be Hardship between these people.

I know there's a lot of people here that are really hurting in these areas.

So, god, we just pray for healing there.

Jesus, the Lord, be with us as we leave.

God, I pray Blessings upon each one this week.

God, we pray for good health.

Pray for anyone who's really dealing with sickness.

We're praying for healing for them.

And, lord, we're just again so thankful that you are a good, good father, and we pray this in the name of Jesus.