Grace Under Fire - Representing Christ In Marriage

If you want to turn to the Bible, it's in 1 Peter, chapter 3, you can do that and we'll get started this morning.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

So we're in a sermon series called Grace Under Fire and 1 Peter is what we're reading, and it focuses on the importance of believers bearing up and representing Christ during times of difficulty, during times of unjust suffering, and how we can live well for Christ even when we're facing persecution.

Last week we talked about having the proper view of authority in our lives and representing Christ there, and especially when it comes to being a witness for Jesus when we are being persecuted.

And today we're going to delve a little deeper and we're going to talk about representing Christ in our marriage, and so that's going to be a great topic of discussion.

And we're going to go ahead and turn to 1 Peter, chapter 3, verses 1 through 7, and we'll get started.

1 Peter 3:1–7

And this is the word of God we're going to read Likewise, wives be subject to your own husband, so that, even if some do not obey the word to your own husband, so that, even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing that you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which, in God's sight, is very precious.

For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.

As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.

So that your prayers may not be hindered, let's pray together.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you that your prayers may not be hindered.

Let's pray together.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you that your word is true and that we can count on it.

And, lord, I thank you that you don't just give your word for us to have mental assent to it, but because you want to infiltrate our hearts and change our lives.

And so, lord, I pray that the words that I speak today would be filled with the power of the Holy Spirit and that you would do the good work that only you can do in changing us and transforming us, so that we would be in the image and likeness of Jesus in ever-increasing ways.

And, father, I pray that, most of all, that you would receive all of the glory and the honor and the power and the praise for everything that is said in Jesus' name.

I pray Amen.

So can we talk about the elephant in the room for just a minute?

Is that okay?

Can we start there?

Sometimes, when we read passages in the scripture like this one, we realize that we live in a 21st century America and our mindsets are vastly different than what we see on the page in the Bible, and sometimes it makes us nervous.

There are some trigger words within this passage that, if read without understanding what the Bible is teaching and what it's not teaching, that, we can automatically shut it off instead of paying attention to what it's saying.

Does that make sense?

And so my hope today is that we don't allow ourselves to do what the culture of the world is telling us to do, which is to embrace everything that the world teaches us and push aside anything that is considered old-fashioned or that is found in scripture.

That is not something that makes us feel good, necessarily.

Does that make sense?

And expository preaching, which is what we try to do here at Trinity, as we preach through books of the Bible, forces us, as ministers, to grapple with passages that we would probably pass over if we weren't forced to dive into them.

Does that make sense?

So this is one of those passages that, although after reading it this week, I understand again the importance of it and why it's significant and why God put it into his word, and so we don't apologize for it, but it doesn't mean that it's easy to talk about and to make sense of within our culture.

Okay, so I pray for grace for you as the hearers today, and that you'll give me the room to be able to delve into this passage without being, you know, immediately turned off or saying I just don't want to hear any part of this.

All right, to be honest, the initial thought that I had when I realized that this passage was what I had to deliver from Mother's Day, I felt a certain level of trepidation.

I was like, okay, lord, here we go right.

I called Neil and he said no.

I called Kelly and he said absolutely not, and I'm only joking about that, obviously, but I was tempted.

I will say I was tempted to do that, but I thought.

I thought you know what something hit me actually is what happened.

I had a memory and I stand before you today as a direct result of the principles found in this chapter working.

What do I mean by that?

My mother was the first person in our family to accept Jesus Christ as her Savior and Lord.

My family went through an unimaginable traumatic event that affected all of us greatly.

When I was very young, and on the night before my brother's funeral, a Baptist minister came to the door and proclaimed the good news of Jesus Christ to my mom and in the middle of her sorrow and mourning she grabbed a hold of an anchor, the anchor of Jesus Christ.

That became something to her that completely changed her life.

After that, she began to take me to church and I began to learn about the things of God, and one day after, I was asking a lot of questions and, by the way, just as an aside, as a child I was a world-famous question asker.

From a young age, I wanted to know about everything and why this was, and how it worked and what it was and all of those things.

And so my parents both endured a lot of time with me asking questions like that.

But one day she asked me a question.

She said do you want to be a Christian, do you want to accept Jesus as your savior?

And as a five-year-old child, I bowed my head and I prayed a prayer a prayer that was sincere and the Lord Jesus entered my life, and it's never been the same again.

The story doesn't stop there.

You see, my dad had taken a very different approach to the devastation that our family went through.

He was a tough guy.

He was a pull-your-boots-up-and-grin-and-bear-it kind of cowboy, a literal cowboy.

He didn't turn toward God during this time.

He turned away from him, and my mom tried everything that she knew to try to reach him, but nothing worked.

He said it's good enough for you, you need it, but I don't need anything, I'm fine.

All the while he wasn't fine, things were getting worse and worse on the inside of him.

She then made a decision to change her perspective, to change her plan, to change her tactic, and she began, instead of nagging my dad, she began to focus on praying for him and living a life in front of him that represented Jesus Christ in very real ways.

She took a chance one day and she asked him if he'd be willing to go to the fairgrounds, somewhere where he'd been many times before, and listen to a preacher from New York named David Wilkerson, who was coming to town.

And he answered her and said I'll go on one condition that you'll never ask me to go to church again.

Now can you imagine what must have went through my mom's mind in that moment in time?

All of the things, is this the right time?

Is this the right move?

God, are you going to do this now?

If I take a chance like this, I can't back up.

I can't change my mind.

I have to.

If I go forward, if I don't move forward with this and nothing happens, then things will be the same anyway.

It's like, what should I do?

But after much prayer and talking to other Christians, she decided that she would agree to his terms, and so the two of them went together one night in the cow town of Gillette, wyoming, to the fairgrounds and the Lord Jesus himself confronted my dad with love, kindness and compassion and he gave his life to Jesus.

And my dad happens to be with us here this morning he's here in the crowd and if you would just raise your hand, dad, that's my dad, thank you.

So in our passage, peter is married.

He's a married man as he writes this and he sets out he has two strategies that he's wanting to represent as he talks about how do we live and represent the Lord Jesus in our marriage.

One focuses on the wife winning her husband and the other focuses on the husband loving his wife.

The wife strategy centers on her testimony to her husband, which is not just words, but it's her way of life, her conduct, who she is as a follower of Christ, who she is as a follower of Christ.

The husband's strategy centers on his treatment of his wife, how well he loves his wife and how well he shows her his love for his wife in the way that he cares for her.

I want to make two quick caveats before we jump into the rest of this.

The first one is this this passage is not talking about missionary dating.

Does anybody know what missionary dating is?

That's where you date somebody You're a Christian and they're not a Christian and the whole idea is that you're going to get them to be a Christian somehow, some way before you get married, or even after you get married.

I've known a lot of people or a few people, I should say, through the years that have attempted this and it doesn't usually work out.

So Peter's not saying that you should date somebody or marry somebody that's not a believer.

In fact, in 2 Corinthians 6.14, the Bible says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Right?

So we understand that it's not God's plan for two people for one person to be a Christian, the other person not to be a Christian to get married.

God's plan is for two people who are Christians to love God, love Jesus and love each other and to get married out of that.

But how many of you know?

There are a lot of people that that isn't their story.

One of them got saved before the other and they were already married, and that's the passage.

As we read this passage, that's the context that Peter is giving.

The other caveat that I want to give is that there are some people, I'm sure, in this room that in your life story you did everything that you possibly could to make a marriage work and as far as you were concerned, you poured out all of your heart, all of your soul.

You attempted to follow Christ and be an example to somebody else and, for whatever reason, it just didn't work.

It just didn't work, and so you find yourself the product of divorce, and I just want to say to you that the same God that wrote these words here, there's another scripture that says that, even in our weakness, that his grace is sufficient for us, and there's plenty of grace available to each and every person here, regardless of your history or of your story, right?

So I just wanted to just say that, as we talk about ideal things here, in other words, what the scripture teaches about how things should be, we also understand that we live in a fallen world and there are a lot of things that happen that are outside of our control and circumstance, and Jesus is big enough to handle all of those things.

Aren't you glad about that?

All right?

So, having said that, let's talk about the scriptures.

So let's look at three qualities of a godly wife's testimony, according to this passage.

Number one her testimony should be responsive.

It says likewise wives be subject to your own husbands.

So how many of you are thankful that God is a God of order and design right, the fact that this earth doesn't spin off of its axis, or that it doesn't move too close to the sun or it doesn't do all of these different things.

We're thankful and we're grateful for a God that keeps things orderly and the way that they're supposed to be right.

But sometimes we don't take that same application and pass it out to human living, the way that we live our lives.

So we understand there are lines of authority and in marriage, the responsibility God has given the responsibility to husbands to be good leaders in their homes, to be godly leaders within their homes.

The Greek word translated be subject or be submissive in this passage is hupotasso.

It's the same word that was used last chapter, in chapter two, for the government, the way that we should submit to governments and the way that we should submit to those who are in authority over us in a workplace and other scenarios like that right.

So that's a continuation of that same sort of thought here in chapter three it is now applied to an attitude of respect that a wife shows.

It's an attitude.

It's an attitude of respect.

Did you know that even the world understands that every man's desire is to feel respected and every woman's desire is to feel loved, and this passage of scripture lays that out so beautifully, so it's like it's almost like God knows what he's doing.

I'm pretty convinced that he does right so in in this application is now applied to an attitude of respect that a wife shows towards her husband as she responds to the fact that God has placed him in a position of authority and responsibility within the marriage.

When I stand before God, I will stand before him based on my own life and the decisions that I made, and the most important decision, which was whether or not I chose to follow after Jesus Christ.

If you've not made that decision yet, today could be your day.

Today could be your day of salvation.

I encourage you to do that even before you leave this place.

But I will also be judged based on how I dealt with my wife, how I treated my wife, how I led my wife, how I was responsible to the Lord, in the way that I helped our family, the way that I walked in authority in our family, the way that I raised my children, the way that I deal with you as a church.

I'm going to get depressed if I keep going.

There's a lot of levels of responsibility and accountability that I find myself under, and without the grace of God, it is something that can be very, very overwhelming right.

So to many Americans, submission is a dirty word.

Submit right, because most of the guys that use that word that's how they say it.

Submit woman How's that working for you?

Yeah, don't ask me to submit to my husband.

Don't ask me to submit to the government.

Don't ask me to submit to a clueless boss.

And oftentimes, when we think of that word, we think of people who are abusive in nature, who use that in the wrong context, who use it as a way to try to control or manipulate their wives.

But how many of you know that we, as godly men, are not called to lead like that.

We're called to lead like Jesus did, and that is through being servants, servant leadership and coming up underneath and supporting our wives and our families.

It's an understandable attitude, like I said, because of all that we see that goes wrong in this area and the way that the caricatures that we see of people misquoting scripture and trying to use it to their advantage to control and manipulate people.

The Bible treats submission differently than that.

It's used as a wonderful word.

The concept is meant to be something that brings us joy and not brings us sorrow.

It stands as one of the keystones of the Christian life.

So let's talk about that word submission and look at three areas that the scripture.

What the scripture teaches to us about submission.

Number one submission does not mean that you are inferior or less valuable.

Can all the men say amen, that our wives are not inferior to us and they are not less valuable than we are?

Amen, and they are not less valuable than we are.

Amen Should be a little louder than that, guys.

All right, thank you.

Galatians 3.28 proves this out.

It says there is neither Jew nor Greek.

There is neither slave nor free.

There is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

I'm here to tell you that the footing at the foot of the cross, the ground at the foot of the cross, is even and all of us down there as equals before Christ, male and female.

He's created us to be represented in our relationship with him equally.

We are equal before God.

We're created in his likeness and image.

Neither one of us is more significant.

This matter is all about being in alignment under God and recognizing the God-given roles he assigned to husbands and wives.

A kingdom husband is to lead by loving I already said that and a kingdom wife is to support that leadership with her gifts and abilities.

It's interesting you can take this into a different context and talk about parents and children, and we're fine with that type of submission, aren't we?

We want our children to be obedient and to follow us, and Jesus gives us a great example of that.

Remember when he was 12 years old?

He was in the temple and his parents left him and Mary looked at Joseph and said I think we lost the son of God.

I wonder if she said I think you lost the son of God.

No, probably not, not Mary, but anyway, some of us will get that joke later maybe.

But when they found him in the temple and Jesus went home with them after that, luke 2 51 says that he submitted to his parents, and we know that he did this even though he was the son of God.

So Jesus himself understands, first of all, what it's like to be completely submitted to his heavenly father.

The scripture says that he didn't say anything or do anything unless he heard it first from his father.

It also says that he was submissive to his earthly parents.

Wow, the son of God chose to do that, and so he can give us the grace to do it as well.

Secondly, submission does not mean that you must always obey well.

Secondly, submission does not mean that you must always obey.

As we said last week, the story about Peter and John the lame man that got healed as they were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer and he went walking and leaping and praising God and the Jewish authorities were not pleased, so they arrested Peter and John and their punishment was that they could no longer speak in the name of Jesus.

And Peter and John responded by saying what?

Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge.

We can't help but speak in this name.

And so they could not obey the law that was laid down upon them because it was against their conscience and against what God's word says, what God's character and nature is.

So if you are a Christian and your husband is not, you are not required by God to obey him your husband when it comes to demands made that are against God's character or word.

So if your husband says you're no longer allowed to read the Bible because I don't like what it does to you.

Guess what?

Read your Bible.

If your husband says you're no longer allowed to pray, how many of you know?

Get your bottle of oil out and, when he's at work, anoint the pillow with oil and pray over that pillow greatly right.

If he says to you you're no longer allowed to attend church, guess what?

The Bible tells us not to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, and so there has to be respect that's shown and honor that's given.

But you're not required to disobey God in order to obey to follow your husband's leadership.

Also, there are times when ungodly men will ask women to do things that are perverted and that are against your convictions and against what's taught in scripture.

You are not required to obey in that sense.

If that makes sense, okay, all right.

So biblical submission is never to be a doormat treatment of husbands toward their wives, and this happens far too often and it should not be found in the body of Jesus Christ, and I believe that it's not found here at Trinity Community Church.

That's my prayer and, by the way, I want you to know that the elders take it seriously to pray for your marriage.

We pray for your marriage a lot.

We ask that you pray for ours as well, because we know that marriages are under attack and we must choose, by God's grace, to follow after him and to obey the commands of scriptures and then finally, as Christians, we should submit to one another.

It's interesting, the verse that a lot of people use that want to beat people up with scripture is you know, wives submit to your husbands, but if they read the verse before, it says that we're supposed to submit to one another as we submit to Christ.

So there's this whole idea of a family and a spiritual family that's involved in all of that.

So a godly wife's testimony should be responsive, she should be able to respond to her husband's leadership, and it also should be redemptive Redemptive, and Peter goes on to say so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

You know what Peter's really saying.

Can I say it in today's vernacular?

Peter is saying to wives you're not going to save your husbands by nagging them.

Anybody ever tried that route, the nagging route?

And again, how well did that work for you, right?

So Peter's not saying that that's going to work.

In other words, he's saying sometimes that the absence of words is more powerful than a lot of words used in the wrong way than a lot of words used in the wrong way.

I don't mean the absence of words that are used in some kind of passive-aggressive manner where somebody gets quiet so as to prove a point.

I mean where somebody chooses to bite their tongue and to represent Christ and to show the character and nature of Christ through their lives.

As they refuse to nag or to fight about something that's not worth fighting about, the absence of the words will be completely offset by the beauty of their lives.

The purpose of their testimony is to win their husbands to Christ.

It is redemptive toward their unsaved husband and exalting toward the Lord Jesus.

George Mueller, who was a famous man of God in England, told a story one time about a guy who had a wife who was a believer but he was not, and he would go to the taverns every night and get drunk.

And he'd come home and his wife had told the servants that they could go to bed because it was way too late and she would wait up for him and she would welcome him kindly as he came into the house and she would love him and be courteous to him and even make a meal if he wanted one, whatever it took.

And this would happen night after night after night.

And one night, as he was especially drunk, he was talking to his friends at the tavern and he said guys, here's what we're going to do.

We're going to go to my house and I promise you, my wife will open up the door and she'll welcome us in.

She'll be nice to every one of us.

I'll ask her to prepare a meal and she'll prepare a meal for us and we'll sit down and we'll eat together and you're going to just be shocked at how nice my wife is to me and to all of us.

And so they did.

They went home with this gentleman and, sure enough, the wife greeted them at the door and welcomed them into her house and she prepared a meal for them and she sat the meal down and she went into her quarters to rest and to pray.

And as she was away, one guy stood up and said how dare you treat a woman that loves you that much, the way that you treat your wife?

And he got up without finishing his meal and he left and the next guy stood up and said I can't believe that you have a life and a wife that is this good and you're choosing to treat her the way that you treat her.

And he gets up and he walks out and before long the table's empty.

It's full of food and empty of people and this guy's left all to himself.

Within a half hour the husband begins to cry.

He's deeply convicted of his wickedness and especially of his heartless treatment of his wife.

And he goes to his wife's room not this time demanding anything or pushing his way in, this time it's just very quiet softly opens the door and he says to her will you pray for me?

This woman of God, who'd been waiting to hear these words for who knows how long, bowed her knees, began to pray for her husband as he cried out to God, repented of his sins and surrendered to the Lord Jesus Christ.

From that time on he became a devoted disciple of the Lord Jesus, and you know what he was one without a single word.

She so represented Christ to him that he couldn't continue the way that he was, that he couldn't continue the way that he was.

So a godly wife's testimony should be responsive and it should be redemptive and it should also be attractive, and this is probably my favorite part of this whole passage.

So let's get right to it.

Do not let your adorning be external the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart.

So just to break things up a little bit, let's be a little silly for a minute.

I don't understand why it is in our culture that some women think it's attractive to pull their skin back so tight that they look like ducks.

I mean their lips.

They look like they have a bill.

They look like ducks.

They all end up looking the same.

They look like Joan Rivers, they look like Michael Jackson.

They all look the same in trying to be, you know, trying to keep themselves attractive.

I don't consider that to be attractive.

Maybe it's just me.

The other thing I'll never understand and I'm not looking at anybody here today, and I'm thankful that our church doesn't have an issue with this but what is the deal with the eyelashes?

I'm talking about eyelashes, right?

If your eyelashes could be mistaken for what's the plant that eats people, for a Venus flytrap, you might have a problem.

Okay, I'm just saying, right.

So is Peter saying that you shouldn't wear any makeup, or that you can't wear any jewelry, or that you can't dress nice?

I don't think he's saying that.

I think he is saying let's not look like the world, let's not be like the world.

He's writing to a Greco-Roman audience, and these people were used to temple worship that was not worshiping our God, worshiping the gods of Rome and the gods of Greece, and many times part of the worship that happened there were women who were dressed inappropriately, who were actually prostitutes, and so part of the worship experience was to be involved with prostitutes.

Can you imagine?

And so, as Peter's addressing this and as he's talking about the different things that he's talking about culturally, what he's representing to them is let's not be like the world.

Let's not be like the world.

You know, a lot of times, outward attractiveness, or the farce of outward attractiveness, can give a false impression about what someone is like on the inside.

You ever, you've ever, experienced that Somebody looks all put together and everything seems just right, and then you get to know them and it's like oh, I had no clue, things were that bad.

You know what God's looking for.

He's looking for beauty of the heart, internal beauty.

That's what should be first and what should take precedence.

In fact, in 1 Samuel 16, verse 7, we see as Samuel is going to Jesse's house to pick out the next king of Israel, jesse, proud of all of his sons, starts from the oldest and starts bringing them in before Samuel to lay his hands on one of them to anoint them as king.

1 Samuel 16:7

And he brings the strongest and he brings the most handsome and he brings the tallest.

And Samuel looks at all of them.

And this is what he says.

For the Lord sees not as man sees.

Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

You know who he ended up picking Young David, who Jesse had to even remember that his son was out in the fields taking care of the sheep.

Oh, I've got one more.

God was looking at the heart.

And what does it say of David?

David was a man after God's own heart.

Interesting.

You see, someone can be gorgeous on the outside and ugly on the inside, the inside.

Peter, again, is not against style, he's not against avoiding all glamming up, but he is concerned that women understand.

The most magnificent beauty imaginable is a gentle and quiet spirit.

There's nothing more attractive to me than watching my wife wearing a ponytail, with no makeup, rocking one of our grandchildren.

To me, she's never more beautiful than in that moment.

I know she likes to dress up and do her hair in a certain way and wear jewelry and all of that, but I'm telling you, if I could just look at her like that the rest of my life, I would be one happy man, Because you know what she has beauty that's deeper than just skin deep.

It's the hidden person of the heart that she displays.

Let's read that part just one more time from this passage, one more time from this passage Let your adorning that word adorning is the word that we get cosmetic from Let what you show be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

Ladies, when's the last time that somebody referred to you as a gentle and quiet person, which, in God's sight, is very precious?

We're living in a time when femininity is under assault.

In fact, can I just be completely honest with you?

You know where I see femininity displayed the most in our culture Our young men.

Young men in customer service jobs and waiters and places like that, who show more care and concern, and quietness and stillness, all of those things, all of the things that are those undefinable qualities.

And it's unfortunate this world has gone backwards.

Everything is flipped upside down.

My friends, the church should not yield to that.

We are called to go against the flow.

Yield to that.

We are called to go against the flow.

There's nothing more feminine than women, who God has wonderfully created, understanding that about themselves and being image bearers of it.

As an aside, because I can hear some of your minds working, this is not giving you permission to wear pajamas and go to Walmart, okay.

It's not saying that appearance doesn't matter at all.

Okay, appearance does matter.

You should bathe, you should comb your hair, you should do all the things that we appreciate Deodorant all of those things right.

And I won do all the things that we appreciate Deodorant.

You know all of those things right, so, and I won't go any further than that.

But so poor dress can actually harm one's testimony as well, okay.

So are you, ladies, ready for us to move to the husbands?

Can we do that this morning?

I am so grateful.

I'm just breathing a sigh of relief because we made it through that section.

Let's move on Next.

Peter explains the husband's godly treatment of his wife.

So let's look at three qualities of a godly husband's treatment.

Number one he should treat her with consideration.

Come on, he should treat her with consideration.

It says likewise, husbands, come on, he should treat her with consideration.

It says likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way.

How many of you have discovered for the most part and you can't totally say that this is always true, but, husbands how many of you have discovered that your wife has a wider range of emotional expression than you do?

Right, yes, be careful how loud you say it.

Right now, I'm just giving you some, trying to help you a little bit, okay, so don't get crazy with it, but there is true.

Part of it is just I don't know how I can say all of this so part of it is.

Though, part of the pleasure and privilege of being a godly husband is learning how to understand our wives to the best, and I will ask you, ladies, please help us sometimes, because, I'm being honest, we don't always know.

We don't always know what you need or what you want or what's best for you, but we're trying.

We really want to do what's best, but how are we going to live with our lives, with understanding, unless we spend time with our wives, unless we're listening to them and not just speaking to them, unless we know what their needs are and grow in understanding of them.

You see, you can't lead somebody well if you don't know who they are.

It's a partnership.

God made us complementary of each other.

We're meant to be together.

He created two individuals that become one flesh.

We're a team.

You need to know what makes her tick.

You need to develop knowledge of her emotions, her fears, her likes and dislikes, her dreams and goals in all of life.

I'll never forget, a few years ago, when Amy came to me and said I really want to learn to be a doula.

And so I could have easily responded in a hundred different ways.

One you're too busy.

You shouldn't do that.

Two I'm not sure what that is.

Explain what a doula is.

Three, what is it going to take?

Four, how much does it cost?

Five I mean, I could have made a whole list, but you know what I said.

I said I think you should do that.

If that's in your heart, I think you should do it, and I'll sacrifice whatever I need to sacrifice in order for that to happen.

And you know what she did.

She did the schooling to happen and you know what she did.

She did the schooling, she got her accreditation and she has been a doula for many, many different ladies, including our own daughters, which is a huge blessing to us.

Do I want any part of that?

I want her to be a part of it and I want to be able to be supportive of her, but nobody wants me there.

I promise it was a miracle from God when I was able to be there when our four children were born.

The doctor literally came in one time.

I was sitting down, my wife was in labor and he looked at me.

And he looked at my wife and said man, you look great.

You look like you're ready for this.

You look like you're prepared.

The doctor looked at me and said sir, are you okay?

He said drink some water.

I think you need some water.

You look a little flushed.

Anyway, enough about that.

No wife will ever resent a man who wants to know her deeply and authentically.

Have we stopped getting to know our wives?

There's more to know.

Number two he should honor her.

Showing honor to the woman is the weaker vessel, is what Peter says.

Scripture teaches again that men and women complement each other and we are co-equals before God, but we have different responsibilities.

And because men are, in general, physically stronger than women although I have seen and experienced some women in my life who are very strong they already use this fact to cherish, to treat with respect, not to manipulate or attempt to control or intimidate.

We are supposed to use our strength to be a covering for our wives and to give her a sense of security, to know that we're always watching out to take care of her.

This does not mean that women are weak in mind, in spirit, in soul or in their resolve.

And again, all I have to do is refer to the aforementioned childbearing.

Any of you who have actually had children hats off.

I can't even imagine what it's like to go through that Amazing.

So showing honor means to treat her with courtesy and kindness and gentleness.

I'm going to use an old word chivalry.

Remember when you used to open the door for her.

Remember when it was raining and you only had an umbrella that would cover one person and you would put it over her as you were walking along.

Remember when you were walking on the sidewalk and you would walk on the outside, near the street and she would walk on the inside so as to protect her and guard her in case of incoming traffic or a puddle of some kind.

Right, these and a million other things should be outward evidences of our love that we have for our wives.

Godly husbands should honor their wife as an equal partner in the relationship we are in this together.

And finally, he should lead her spiritually.

It goes on to say, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

This is serious.

God takes this very seriously.

Peter deals with how a husband should treat his wife Spiritually.

He is to be consistent, cannot be right with God and wrong with his wife, since they both are heirs together of the grace of life.

He should pray with her and for her.

He should encourage her and bless her.

He should wash her with the water of the word of God.

If your wife would think it would be strange for you to ask to pray with her, something's wrong.

A husband who refuses to align himself under God's agenda and value, appreciate and utilize the contributions of his wife cannot expect God to answer his prayers.

It's that serious of a thing.

Here's the good news.

Again, just as a reminder.

The Bible says that even when we're weak, that he is made strong in us.

Even though we fail miserably at times, even though we don't measure up, how many of you know that Jesus Christ was perfect in every way, and because of that perfection, he took upon himself the wrath that we deserved, the punishment that we deserved for the sins that we've committed, and because of that, each and every one of us have a chance to be partakers of his divine nature.

He gives to us the gift of eternal life, and not only that he fills us with his Holy Spirit and he equips us to be able to be obedient to his word and his way.

So, ladies, I'm here to tell you the grace of God is enough for you to be able to be to your husband what your husband needs.

And, gentlemen, I'll say to you the same thing the grace of God is enough for you, for you to be able to be to your wives what your wives need, and therein lies the answer to all of the problems that we see culturally surrounding marriage.

God is with us and he's for us, and he gives us what we need to be obedient.

Let's pray together.

As we pray I know that there are some of us.

I know that, as I was studying for this and preparing this message, that I got hit right between the eyes on some of this stuff and had to repent.

And so maybe that's you this morning.

You recognize your need.

Just talk to the Lord right now, between you and him, acknowledge your need for change and ask him for help and strength and courage.

And there are also, again, maybe some that are here that are still dealing with hurts from the past, things that have been done that have not been in align with God's word, ways that you've been treated and mistreated, and I just pray today that you would receive the healing that you need from those wounds, and also for those that haven't yet been married and you're desiring that.

I pray that the Lord would give you the grace that you need to be able to follow after him and learn what you can learn now, so that you can be the type of spouse that's gonna make your marriage successful in the long run.

So, father, I do pray for these things.

I pray, lord, that you would move and intervene in each one of our lives where there needs to be forgiveness.

We ask that you would grant forgiveness when there needs to be healing, I pray that you would heal.

And where there needs to be hope, I pray that you would heal.

And where there needs to be hope, I pray for hope and for those who are still looking toward the future.

I pray, father, that you'd help all of us to keep our eyes focused on you, the author and the finisher of our faith and Lord.

Now I pray for all that are here and all that are watching online.

Pray that you would bless and keep them.

Pray that you would cause your face to shine upon them and be gracious to them.

Pray that you would lift your countenance upon them and give them peace.

In the name of Jesus, I pray.

Amen and amen.