Navigating Singleness | MBC Relationship Conference 2025 | Pastor Daniel Batarseh

Welcome, welcome, welcome. What a joy it is to see so many

of you here. I'm sure that if we open it up

for unlimited access, there would be more people here.

But the reason why we count that at a certain number is because

if you've been here on Sundays, you know how crammed it can get.

And so we wanted to make this day as comfortable as possible

while facilitating as many people as possible.

And I think we're doing OK so far.

We'd like for us to pray once more before we jump into the

Word of God. Lou, we thank you from the

bottom of our hearts that you've allowed us to gather as a family

to speak about very important truths.

Now we ask that the Holy Spirit would help us, that you would

uproot any distractions, objections, even emotional walls

that might keep us from embracing all that you have to

say. Lou, we pray that not only would

the substance be true, but that the delivery would be empowered

by the Holy Spirit. We need you every session, every

step, even during our fellowship time, we long for the Holy

Spirit to guide and we ask that He would have His way.

Lord, may this change us, may this renew us, May this motivate

us, may this instill hope in us. We need all of that.

And and above that, beyond that, we need what you know we need,

so we ask for it together in Jesus name, Amen.

Amen. For many, unwanted singleness is

like a persistent toothache. No matter what you do, who

you're with, or where you are, there is this throbbing pain

that never fails to sabotage your peace and make things less

enjoyable. That is more true for followers

of Jesus Christ because we engage and we interact with our

singleness much differently than the world promotes it.

This culture endorses singleness as a boundless and limitless

exploration of erotic pleasures without the commitments of the

covenant of marriage. Whereas the biblically grounded

Christian understands that there is holy intentionality with your

singleness, which includes many things, and that of sexual

abstinence, the consecration of our bodies to the glory of God,

and the preservation and the provision of our good.

And that's one of many challenges for the believer in

navigating singleness on the raging seas of a sexually

charged world littered with lies and temptations that cater to

the flesh. But I personally am convinced

that the false fantasies of a sin advocating society is not

the only contribution to the difficulties of singleness for

the believer. I'm afraid that the way

believers, even church leaders, have addressed singleness has

caused unintentional harm, generally from making Christians

feel less spiritual for having a strong desire to be married to

very unwise advice and comments like God will give you a spouse

the moment you stop. Thinking about it.

It's no wonder why singleness feels like a prison sentence for

many Christians. But contrary to over simplistic

sermons and unthoughtful comments, a careful study of

God's Word will reveal that our Heavenly Father has provided us

a genuinely fulfilling print for singles for those who are not

married. Now, I'm aware that no matter

what I say about singleness, there will be some who will

object, who will protest, who offer some pushback.

But you just don't understand. And this is something that I can

attest to from past comments and remarks.

And so with this foreknowledge. Allow me to make.

A couple of comments before we continue.

Number one, it is my goal that anything that I have to say is

rooted and found in the Scriptures.

I'm not speaking with my own authority.

I'm appealing to the Bible. So everything that we're going

to point to is going to derive from the timeless principles,

insights, clear commands, warnings found in the Word of

God, particularly for those who are not married.

And so this is a hope for us. This is an encouragement for us

because we can trust in the wisdom of God.

This is where we're going to find true transformational

guidance. Not my personal experience, not

my anecdotes, but the Bible. That being said, if it does

supply any additional grace, you are hearing from somebody who

lived single for most of his Christian walk.

It virtually defined my 20s and I can tell you from transparency

and with transparency that you are hearing from somebody who

has been visited by the temptations.

Fears, doubts, yearnings, even the spiritual warfare concerning

the future while serving and loving the Lord.

More importantly, you are also hearing from someone who can say

with a clear conscience that looking back at my single years,

I knew genuine contentment in Christ.

I enjoyed meaningful opportunities and relationships

with others, and so much of that phase of my life has contributed

to the molding of who I am today.

There's no doubt about it. And that being said, once again,

I know that there can still be some resistance.

OK, you talk about being single in your 20s, but try managing it

well into your 50s or 60s. It's one thing to be single as a

young man. It's another thing to try to

beat the race against a biological clock.

Singleness tends to be a much more dreadful thing for women

than for men. Well, brother, you sound like

you're able to flourish in your singleness because you most

likely had a very wonderful support system.

Try. Managing the impulses of the

flesh, the fears of the future, with the pressures of parents

who are consistently inquiring of my singleness, or close

friends, even Christian friends who treat me as subhuman for

being single. So without.

Minimizing anyone's struggle, allow me to make a second

comment. I don't pretend that what I have

to say today will permanently put an end to the difficulties

of singleness. I'm not going to pretend that it

will no longer trouble you when you leave this place.

Instead, the goal of this message and this conference

really is to bring to your attention that both singleness

and marriage have their unique blessings and challenges.

Because here's what I've observed over the years, That

there are good hearted brothers and sisters in Christ who are so

focused on what they feel deprived of as singles that

they're fixated on the mountain peaks of marriage while

overlooking the advantages of being single.

So they're just caught up by the companionship, the intimacy, the

memories, the the travels, the vacations, raising well behaved

children that you're missing something in the moment.

And I want to show you that there is actually something

about this singleness that is a gift.

I don't want you to overlook it, and I don't also want you to

overlook the complexities of marriage.

What I'm trying to say is this, that there is a way to wrestle

with your singleness that is wasteful, and there's a way to

navigate your singleness that is fruitful.

And I'm advocating for the latter.

So the way we're going to do this is by exploring certain

points for singles at any age to become awakened to what God's

Providence has made available to you at this moment.

But let me clarify certain things.

The focus of this message is not for singles who are delaying

that marriage for selfish reasons.

That's a whole different message.

I'm speaking to those who are single, not by choice.

Moreover, please be merciful in this, that there is no way that

we can cover absolutely every single scenario of singleness in

one message. And I say that now so that you

don't get distracted by what about or or what if throughout

this time. And that's what the Q&A is for

to hopefully unpack some of the nuances of this of the subject.

With that being said, I want to lay out before you four ways to

navigate singleness well, Four ways to navigate singleness, not

just navigate singleness, navigate singleness well.

And the fourth point, we'll be providing general practical

counsel of how to transition from singleness into potential

marriage. And I'm sure a lot of people are

like, can you just skip to #4 we'll get there.

But first I want to deal with number one.

If you are single in this place and you are follower of Jesus

Christ, I admonish you to cultivate holy anxiety.

Cultivate holy anxiety. Turn with me to 1st Corinthians

Chapter 7. That may be a very predictable

chapter in the New Testament concerning this topic.

But let me remind you that this chapter is part of Paul's letter

dealing with a church that had questions about relationships.

And the instructions that he provides in this chapter covers

a wide variety of relational questions and circumstances.

But you have to understand if you if you read first

Corinthians 7, you have to filter it through the lens of

verse 26, because verse 26 makes known to us that Paul is

providing guidance in light of the potential uprising of

intense persecution. He calls it this present

distress. Now, there's debate about what

he means by that, but it's likely that he's speaking about

the church in Corinth being attacked, being surrounded,

being harassed for their faith. And so that will help regulate

how you counsel and how you understand Paul's line of

thought here. If not, then you can come to

very dangerous conclusions of what he believed about both

singles and singleness and married people and marriage,

right? He's writing this in light of

persecution that is on the horizon and how they should

prioritize things in life in light of this, especially how

they prioritize relationships. That being said, to listen to

this, this dawned on me for the first time when I was preparing

for this earlier in the week, that as this church is ready to

have their lives altered because of their faith, because of the

danger that is looming, you had some believers who still were

thinking about marriage. Talk about a strong desire to be

with someone. Your life is in danger and

you're still wondering how can I get married?

So even then, you had believers who really, really wanted a wife

or really, really wanted a husband.

And Paul at some point confirms that it's not sin if anyone

chooses to be married, even if there is intense persecution on

the way. But interestingly, he doesn't

offer that counsel immediately before he comes to that

conclusion, before he wraps things up in this chapter, he

actually provides an alternative.

He gives a different option, and he actually promotes that

option. And within that advice, we have

timeless truths that apply to us at any point in life.

So look at verse 32 quickly. He says, I want you to be free

from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious

about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord.

But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to

please his wife, and his interests are divided.

And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the

things of the Lord, how to be holy and body and spirit.

But the married woman is anxious about worldly things.

How to please her husband? I say this to your own benefit,

not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order

and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

It's very easy to misinterpret what Paul is saying here.

First, he is no way claiming that being single means.

You are more spiritual or faithful than those who are

married, even if you choose to be single for the sake of the

Kingdom of God. Nor is he suggesting that being

single is a breeze while being married is miserable.

The apostle is simply making a very realistic and honest

observation. Pay attention about the

difference between the simplicity of singleness and the

complexities within marriage. And he highlights the unique

opportunities that come with the flexibility of single life.

That is all that he's doing. Marriage is designed to be

demanding, and it's no great revelation to point out that the

obligations of a married person are not the same as the

unmarried. Not that relational

responsibilities is carnal or sinful.

In fact, if you're married, to honor your spouses and to live

for their good and their well-being is to honor the Lord.

You can't dismiss that. However, that level of

commitment requires energy, time, and selfless

considerations which divide. They divide your priorities and

in some cases they can become practical hindrances.

So there are many accounts and stories and testimonies, for

example, of brothers who want to explore and pursue different

avenues of ministries but they can't.

Why? Because they are respecting the

fears or the wishes of their wives.

And that is just one. Idea of what Paul anticipates

for those who are married. It impacts your time.

It regulates your travel. It influences your expenses.

It requires a re evaluation of your risks, even if those risks

are in the name of honoring God. I see then what Paul wants

singles to do is to slow down and not rush into a relationship

because he wants you to as much as possible enjoy a less anxious

life. Actually, no.

That's not what Paul is saying. What Paul is saying through the

Spirit is that he wants singles to take advantage of the

freedoms that come with singleness so that they can be

preoccupied with a different concern, a different anxiety.

If you will look again at verse 32, I want you to be free from

anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious

about the things of the Lord. How to please the Lord?

I'm sure many of us in here have counseled single people over the

years, but how many can you say have challenged those anxieties

of singleness and the future and what ifs and what about and

when, with this eagerness to make the most of this time to

invest in the work of the Lord? I'm not sure that we can say of

most Christians that this anxiety describes their

singleness, but Paul by the Spirit expects Christians to

live in it. I'll never forget the time when

I was thinking more seriously about marriage without any

prospects in mind, just the idea of it.

And it was on a Friday night making my way to one of our

Bible studies, and I began to just ruminate and reflect on my

past, my present, and my future. And at some point this thought

hit me and it actually sent chills down my spine.

Not that it was a fearful thing, but it was just so sobering.

My hands are on the steering wheel.

I'm driving safely. I'm looking ahead.

But here's what's dominating my thoughts now.

Once you get married, there is no turning back.

Once you get married, there is no turning back.

And that thought was followed by self examination.

And here's what I was asking myself.

Did you make the most of your singleness, or do you have

regrets? And I began to reflect on

specific monuments of my singleness.

What I did when I got saved in college, what I did after

college, what I've been doing since.

College did I really make the most of my single years?

Because no matter who you marry, no matter how godly they are,

it's not going to be the same anymore.

I want you to see how the same apostle who is promoting this

anxiety also criticize a certain group of believers who went the

opposite direction of what he had hoped for children of God,

Because I want to tell you something.

Being single does not guarantee what Paul calls undivided

devotion to the Lord. It doesn't guarantee it.

It doesn't secure it. You need to be strategic about

it. So let me show you a place in

First Timothy 5 where you have Paul here condemning the

behavior of some younger widows who did not reflect the

praiseworthy characteristics of a widow who is to receive

financial support from the church.

Things like showing hospitality, caring for the afflicted, being

devoted to good works instead of embracing such attitudes and

such ambitions. These younger widows.

Paul was informed about spoiled their state of singleness.

Look at verse 13 of First Timothy 5.

Besides that, they learned to be idlers, going about from house

to house. And not only idlers, but also

gossips and busy bodies saying what they should not.

So notice here that Paul is commenting on this group of

younger widows. Who evidently didn't even have

children yet. Their husbands died before they

were able to have kids. And with the free time that they

had, they were slandering instead of serving.

They were whispering instead of ministering.

Instead of being caught up and getting busy for the work of the

Lord, they were putting and sticking their nose in other

people's businesses. Do you know what this teaches

me? It teaches me that there is a

lingering temptation for Christians in their singleness

to be self absorbed, to be self absorbed, and without realizing

it, they can even be so deceived as to pursue the will of Satan

in their singleness, saying where are you getting that from?

Look at verse 15. For some have already strayed

after Satan. And what does that mean?

It means that in their state of being a widow without a spouse,

their selfish desires, their sinful impulses, was a foothold

for Satan to steer them away from the will of God in that

phase of their life and to actually pursue destructive

patterns for themselves and for others.

So here's what Paul does, though.

By the Spirit of God, he defines singleness as an opportunity to

serve in a unique way, to live in a unique way.

And I find it interesting that back in First Corinthians 7,

Paul does not refer to the stage of life as a period of

preparation for marriage. That's how Christians define

singleness. But Paul doesn't talk about

singleness like that. Nor does.

He speak about it as this agonizing waiting.

Paul speaks about singleness as a time of excellent

opportunities, and he actually makes a comment near the end of

First Corinthians 7 that I think would stagger most Christians.

Go back to First Corinthians 7 and notice what he says in his

final words in this section of instructions for singles,

Engaged people, married people, divorce people.

Remember, he's saying this in light of the present distress

that this church was ready to face.

But look what he says here in verse 39 and verse 41st

Corinthians 7A. Wife is bound to her husband as

long as he lives, but if her husband dies, she is free to be

married to whom she wishes only in the Lord.

Verse 40. Yet in my judgement, she is

happier if she remains as she is.

And I think I too have the Spirit of God.

It's like you have to add that final point because it's like

Paul, you're speaking out of your own head because no, no,

no, I actually have the Spirit of God.

Wait a minute. He says something that I think

most people would think is inconceivable.

What is it he's telling widows who have lost their spouse in

the context, if you want to be married again, you're free to do

that. Only they have to be in the

Lord. But notice, she says, but I

think that she would actually be happier if she stays as she is.

It's possible to be single and happy.

Who would have thought? Not only that, he says, happier,

happier. Now look at all the shocked

faces. I wish you can see what I see up

here. Happier.

Happier, yes, in terms of priority with the persecution

that's around them. Happier, but, but remember,

we're looking for underlying timeless principles.

Paul believed You can be single and joyful.

It doesn't have to be a drudgery, doesn't have to be

this misery, doesn't have to be this dark cloud hovering over

your head. And only when you meet that

person, the rays of life will Pierce through and make your

life meaningful. That's not how it works.

When was the last time you paused and you prayed, Lord,

what would you have me do with this time?

What would you have me do with these resources?

Where would you have me go As I was putting this together?

A brother in Christ that doesn't attend here, He visits here.

I'm not going to name him because I don't think he would

like it for me to name him. Some of you know him, a brother

in Christ who is later in his 20s as a single man, I believe

is a wonderful model of what's possible in that season of life

because this man has done many things already.

One of the things that he chose to do, and this is what his

parents have told me, is that he purchased a larger home for the

goal of hosting missionary families whenever they're in

town. And he, as a single man, has

embraced foster children so that he can in the best way possible

with all the restrictions of that system, shine the light of

Christ, lavish them with the beauties of the gospel and with

a full time job and serving a church and doing that on in his

own home with his own resources. He recently, after our own

conference, sent out a letter, I believe to more than one person.

He sent one to me at least with prayer points because he was

flying out overseas for many days to help a missionary

family. And whenever he comes to the

town, we sit down for quite a bit of time to be able to

discuss his life and just have friend friendly conversation.

And I remember after hearing all that he was doing, asking him a

very straightforward question. Do you enjoy all of this?

You know, some people could say, well, you know, I'm single and

this is just the best that I can do with my singleness until I

get married. Just a wonderful distraction.

He smiled from ear to ear and with the most genuine tone of

voice said, I love it. I love it.

See the the happiness that Paul is speaking about here.

The secret to knowing joy even in singleness, even in loss that

created your singleness is being intentional, strategic with your

spiritual pursuits, with the freedoms you have.

If you are not goal entered, if you're not missional, if if

you're not actually going to plan how you're going to manage

this time and navigate this season, Satan is ready to tempt

you. As much as God has wonderful

opportunities, so does the enemy of our souls.

And the investments that I speak of lead to many outcomes,

including the alleviation of what is probably the most

dreaded aspects of short term or long term singleness,

loneliness, loneliness #2 you must invest in intimate

relationships. The piercing thought of

loneliness is easily one of the main motivations that cause

single people to squirm and to race into a relationship.

While husband or wife is the deepest human bond that one can

know in this life, it doesn't mean that not having one ensures

devastating loneliness. Some people think it

automatically equates that, and this point is so imperative

because it's not just for those who have never been married.

This is important for those who might become single even in

marriage. It's unlikely that people pass

into glory at the same time. And there are some who even

experience early loss with a spouse and remain single for

many, many, many years and choose to remain single until

the end. So this applies beyond just

those who are waiting to get married.

It's even for those who involuntarily are slipped back

into that season. I want you to see a promise in

the Word of God that I think should be more referenced in

this discussion. It's in the book of Psalms.

Turn with me to Psalm 68 and look at verse 6.

Psalm 68, verse 6. God settles the solitary in a

Psalms 68:6

home. He leads out the prisoners to

prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Look at that first part of the verse the NASB renders in the

following. God makes a home for the lonely.

If you have the King James or the new King James, it will say

God sets the solitary and families plural.

Notice how precise the Bible is. We learned that there is a

remedy outside of marriage that brings comfort to the.

Lonely and I believe the way that this promise is realized,

ultimately realized is in one of the earthly rewards of the

gospel of Jesus Christ. You remember when we studied

Mark, how Jesus comforted his disciples who had given up

everything to follow him, that there would not be one who is

not left families, homes, property, land for his namesake

and the gospel sake that will not receive 100 times more in

this life. 100 times what? Houses and brothers and sisters

and fathers, mothers, 100 times more in this life.

How can that be? I can assure you that Jesus is

not promising an impressive real estate investment.

What Jesus is saying here is that.

This manifold, this bountiful access to living rooms,

bedrooms, siblings, parents is realized in the Church of Jesus

Christ. That's where it's found.

And what the Lord Jesus promised is so powerful because it

implies that if a local body is in alignment with the will of

God, right? If if those realities are only

and exclusively known with the experience of the church, and

that church is lined up with God's will, his mind empowered

by His Spirit, then there shouldn't be any lonely people

in the church. But like many of God's promises,

he requires our participation. Many of God's promises require

our participation for these kind of things to be known.

So I'm required to make 2 comments at this point.

First, to singles, please. I say this from my heart.

I say this with deep love. I say this as somebody who was

single for most of his Christian walk.

You can't expect to know deep and meaningful connections if

you don't plug in. And the easiest way to get to

know people, even if you're an introvert, is to serve.

You may find it absolutely horrifying after a service to

get up and to look at a stranger face to face and extend your

hand and shake it and ask how they are.

But you know what you can do? Approach the leaders and say,

what can I do around here? And I can guarantee you that if

you serve consistently, wholeheartedly, you will meet

people, people that will serve alongside you and the people

that you will serve. It's one of the wonderful

byproducts of being a member of a church.

It opens your world. And I've never seen this fail

being in ministry for over a decade.

You have to be willing to sacrifice, even what your

inclinations might restrict you from, to experience God's

promises. Now let me turn to the couples.

This is why I'm so glad that those who are married, engaged

have come to this session. Because knowing and learning

about singles is not just for singles.

The temptation for us married folk is to gravitate towards

other married people, other couples in the church, and

listen unintentionally ostracize singles.

And I get it. The reason is because you want

to surround yourself with people who understand the struggles and

the unique challenges of marriage.

But you have to understand that singles have something to offer

you and you have something to offer singles.

So I want you to broaden your circles.

I want you to broaden your plans, broaden your investments

in relationship and include those who may not have a spouse

because a beautiful partnership can happen there and there's so

much that you can glean from and vice versa.

And I won't get into the intricacies of it, but let me

tell you something. Those who have families here,

you have the glorious opportunity fulfilling one of

Jesus promises to those who have made great sacrifices to follow

Him. Let me speak from personal

experience. I can't count the number of

homes I've been to. I can't tell you the number of

pillows I've laid this head on as I've traveled from ministry.

I can't tell you the amount of people that have come up to me

and say whenever you're in town, whenever you're in this country,

you let me know. Or if you ever need to get get

away, I'll give you a copy of this key.

That's what Jesus meant in Mark 10 houses and homes and brothers

and fathers. And you have an opportunity not

just for those who serve in ministry, but those who serve in

the church and sacrifice so much to love the Lord.

You have a chance of letting people taste something of a

treasure in the gospel. Singleness does not mean you

have to miss out on intimacy, and marriage itself does not

promise it. Do you know how many lonely

married people there are out there?

Many. Let me show you an example that

confirms both of the statements I made.

The statement that being single doesn't mean you can't have

intimate relationships and being married doesn't promise it.

Go to the Old Testament once again.

Look at Second Samuel chapter one, verse 26.

This is David's lament after hearing about the loss of Saul

and Jonathan. And notice what he says here in

verse 26 of Second Samuel 1. I am distressed for you, my

brother Jonathan. Very pleasant have you been to

me. Your love to me was

extraordinary, surpassing the love of woman.

This is astounding. You have a man who is admitting

that he had a deeper bond with a brother than with his actual

wives. Plural.

And this is not a verse that requires deep psychological

analysis. It actually confirms something

that is more common than you know.

What is it that sex and marriage?

Does not guarantee intimacy. Sex and marriage does not

guarantee intimacy. If sex guaranteed intimacy, then

there would be a lot more fulfilled people outside in the

world who are jumping from partner to partner to partner to

partner and yet there is a growing vacuum in their soul.

And if marriage promised intimacy, there would be a lot

less counseling sessions. You know what he shows here,

though? The ideal is your spouse being

the deepest connection you have in this life.

That's the ideal God desires. That doesn't guarantee it, but

you know what is available. We have David and Jonathan here

demonstrating how significant satisfying companionship can be

known with someone who is not your spouse with somebody

outside of romance. That concept is so alien to our

culture that those who have stumbled upon this verse have

suspected that David and Jonathan must have had a secret

homosexual relationship. That is commentary from people

who don't have the mind of Christ and are clearly not

saved. Those who try to advocate LGBTQ.

Plus I forgot the amount of letters are now in the name.

But those who advocate that and want to try to have God confirm

their lifestyle come to this verse and say, see David and

Jonathan had this bond that David couldn't know with a woman

That doesn't confirm your sin. What it confirms is the

shallowness of friendships in the world.

That's what that confirms that it's, it's very difficult for

people to conceive that it's possible to know a deep bond

with another human being unless it's sexual or erotic.

But he's saying no. My, my brother Jonathan, there

was, there was this deep connection I had with him that I

didn't have with my wives. Listen, as a Christian, you've

been granted the capacity to no incredible bonds with other

believers because you have something that is more powerful

than blood itself, the Holy Spirit of God, the Holy Spirit

of God in US. And you don't have to miss out

on rich relationships because you are not married.

And as I was preparing for this, I was reading Second Timothy,

just on my own time, my own devotions, and I stumbled upon a

verse, just a little brief phrase that confirms.

This with a man who was single Paul, can I just quote to you

what Paul said to his spiritual son Timothy.

This is This is why we have to read our Bible slowly and

actually think about the implications.

Think about this was a man who wrote this to another man.

Second Timothy 1/4 as I remember your tears pause.

So Timothy cried in front of Paul.

You men, would you be able to do that?

He wept in front of Paul. He says, as I remember your

tears, I long to see you that I may be filled with joy.

You would think this is a love letter.

I long to see you that I may be filled.

I remember your tears. He's speaking to a fellow

pastor. He's speaking to a fellow

missionary. And it's totally genuine.

You know what I find so fascinating?

That as much as a godly marriage offers a a unique human bond

unlike any other in this life, it is not going to continue in

eternity. You know what will carry on into

eternity? This family.

Have you ever thought about that?

The family of faith will continue on in eternity, whereas

your marriage will cease as you arrive on the shore of glory.

Invest in intimate relationships.

That's not exclusive to finding somebody that you're in love

with. You can know it even with a

brother, even with a fellow sister point #3 after you

cultivate a holy anxiety and you are intentional investing in

intimate relationships with God's providential provision of

people in your life, you must never #3 lose sight of true

contentment. Because what I'm saying here, it

may now provide a numbing agent to that toothache.

But you know yourself well enough that the shooting pain

will return maybe in a few days or weeks.

And for every single person, that pain may be different.

But I think the most common pain that is shared is that of worry,

of fear for the future. Because this is how strong this

flesh is. No matter if you cultivate this

whole anxiety and you begin to leaving this place, think and

pray. I want to actually create bonds

in this life. Whatever is available to me, I

want to know it. Lord open doors for it.

It's very likely that you will be visited by thoughts that will

interrupt thoughts like what if I never get married?

What if I never experienced the gift of sex the way God intended

it? What if I am destined to grow

old and die alone? What?

What if people now think there has to be something wrong with

me because I never got married? Thoughts like that.

And when those questions seek to invade your peace, you have to

remember that getting married doesn't settle your worries.

It just opens you up to new ones.

New ones that also need to be taken captive to the obedience

of Christ. Single people, you want to know

some of the thoughts married people think.

What if I or my spouse dies early?

What will happen to my wife if I have to leave her behind?

What? What do we do if we can't have

children? Because that happens to

Christian couples, They can't produce children.

What do we do now? What if we do have kids and they

grow up never to serve the Lord? So getting married doesn't solve

your concerns necessarily. Such thoughts, whether you're

single or married, are startling reminders that both singles and

couples must find their true rest, their true satisfaction,

their true security in Christ, in Christ alone.

Because the aches of singleness are not final, and marriage is

not the ultimate end. They all point to something

greater to come, and you can taste it today.

Your identity is not wrapped up in you being a single soldier

for Christ or you being a married person with a fellow

servant of Christ. Your identity is caught up in

this one thing. I have a covenant with God.

I walk with my Maker, and if I'm single, I walk with him solo,

but with the church. And if I'm married, I have one

person from the church that's just a little bit closer than

the others, and we're doing this together.

Your ultimate goal in any season is worshipping him, loving him,

serving him, and pleasing him. That will change the way you

view singleness. That will change the way you

view marriage. And if you don't have that as

your preoccupation, everything goes out of whack.

Everything goes out of whack. I'm reminded, actually, of a

verse. That Paul gave back in First

Corinthians 7 to Christian couples that I believe redirects

them in an indirect way, redirects their priorities and

what they ought to do as. Couples on a regular basis go to

1st Corinthians 7, verse 5. Earlier in this chapter, Paul

says do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for

a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but

then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because

of your lack of self-control. Did you notice a little phrase

in between in the middle there that you may devote yourselves

to prayer? You know what Paul expects

married couples to do? To take time from each other and

to spend time with God. Don't don't separate too long

because Satan will take advantage of that and and seek

to tempt you for those especially who lack

self-control. But he actually anticipates that

Christian couples will not lose sight of their personal devotion

to God. You know what happens to many

Christian couples the moment they get married?

They disappear. They disappear from serving

church. They disappear from coming to

church. That's not God's will for you.

And I know Mark is going to elaborate on on married couples

in our second session, but I just want to say this now.

If you're going to come together with a different follower of

Christ, your devotion to Christ should become stronger.

See, again, going back to that contrast between singleness, the

simplicity of singleness and the complexities within marriage.

We're not talking about you being single means you're more

fruit, more fruitful necessarily.

It's a different kind of fruitfulness.

Marriage is a different kind of fruitfulness.

And yes, though there is a division of priorities, it

doesn't mean that you neglect your walk with the Lord.

So never forget where true contentment comes from.

And even as you long for marriage, you're not going to

find ultimate satisfaction in it.

It's only in the one who made you and who died for you and

who's going to redeem you unto himself.

And that relationship with God is going to put an end to that

relationship that you had on earth with that spouse.

As wonderful as marriage is, it's not heaven.

It's going to end when you get to heaven.

So again, we have to, we have to re evaluate our understanding of

the temporary nature of marriage and the goal of marriage and the

advantages of singleness. There's so much more that I can

say, but I want to leave some room for the Q&A.

But I will say this for my 4th point and that's transitioning

from singleness to marriage. Allow me to make some general

comments, general comments. I just want to speak to you

heart to heart. Just really candidly, let me

give you just a few points. And again, I'm not going to

touch on every point because we're going to sit down together

in an informal setting to discuss these matters.

But let me, let me talk to now singles who feel ready, who, who

are looking for some kind of council of how to transition

from this phase to the next phase to a potential candidate.

You ready for this sub point #1 to point #4 sub point number

one, you ready? OK, You have to marry a human

being. Why do I say that?

Can I tell you why I say that? Because for some people who are

single, it's not because of God's Providence.

It's more because of your pickiness, your pickiness.

It doesn't help that we live in a culture that photo shops

people all around you. And for you movie lovers and

show watchers, you have to understand that those people

that are on the screen are not real.

Those are people that work out for a living and have expert

dietitians and trainers that make them look like that.

And maybe you've seen this online that once a movie is over

or something, or a show and they, you know, snag a picture

of somebody just on their lawn or walking downtown or

something, they don't look like the movie, do they?

There's a reason for that. Now, I'm going to get to this in

a moment. I think attraction is important,

but there are some who are unbelievably able to nitpick on

every blemish. And what you need to know is

that the beauty of the inner person is able to erase those

blemishes. And you need to be open to

getting to know somebody, not just their physical, but their

personality for that to blossom and for that to become apparent

to you. And I want to speak on that more

in a moment. But as much as attraction is

important, what will make a more joyful, peaceful, fruitful,

harmonious marriage is having two people who are first given

over completely to the Lord. Now I, I came across this verse

that I don't think I've ever heard in a marriage context or

in pursuing a marriage or a candidate for marriage.

But look at Second Corinthians 85 and Paul speaking about these

Macedonians who are extremely generous for this cause of

raising funds for the believers in Jerusalem.

And he says in 2nd Corinthians 85 and this not as we expected,

but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will

of God to us. Here's what he's saying, that

because of the submission of these Corinthians or these

Macedonians rather to God himself, they were able then to

support and to surrender to these spiritual leaders.

And So what you, you find here is that there's a rule that when

a person is submitted completely to the Lord first, you will know

a better person in terms of submission, mutual submission in

the place of marriage or any kind of mutual relationship.

Everything has to be grounded and founded upon somebody living

completely and holistically for the Lord.

And that's what you want to look for in a candidate.

So you want to find that kind of character in a person.

Don't get so caught up with the external.

The external will only take you so far.

When to make a covenant with someone?

Once you live in the same house as someone else, what's going to

matter the most is that person's convictions, that person's

attitude and arguments, that person's humility, that person's

fear of God. That's going to mean so much

more than if the guy's hairline is here instead of here, or if

the girl is that height or this height.

We get so caught up in those things, and they don't supply

the grace for an enduring, thriving marriage.

So learn to evaluate biblically and allow the Holy Spirit to

change your taste and to train you into what to look for.

I'm not against attraction, but I think so many people are not

even giving some people a chance because not everything from head

to toe is in alignment with what you have conjured up in your

mind. You might have seen a beautiful

woman or or a man, and the more you get to know them, the uglier

they get. And there might be somebody else

who might not be a model, who might not turn heads every time

they walk into a room. But the more you get to know

them, the more beautiful they become.

So expand your understanding. Of a potential candidate #2 sub

point to #4 be presentable, to pursue or to be pursued.

So I want you to go to the book of Ruth quickly and look at

chapter 3. This is when Naomi realized that

Boaz was a relative and that Ruth might have found herself a

husband. And look at verse one to verse

3. It says here that Naomi, her

mother-in-law, said to her, My daughter, should I not seek rest

for you, that I may be well with you?

Is not Boaz our relative with whose young woman you were?

See his winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor.

Wash therefore, and anoint yourself and put on your cloak

and go down to the threshing floor.

But do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished

eating and drinking. You know what stands out to me?

This in this passage that when Naomi learned that Boaz could be

a potential spouse based on the law, right, he could have been a

kinsman Redeemer to Ruth. He tells Ruth.

Before you go meet him, take a shower, anoint yourself, put on

a cloak. So I I spoke about appearances

not being everything and not being so picky that you might

miss out on somebody who might be more beautiful than you

thought. At the same time, it's good.

It's good to be presentable, to be pursued and to pursue.

Wash yourself, take care of your hygiene, smell good, put on

something. And I love what Naomi says here

on top of it. She goes, don't talk to him when

he's hungry. You know, man, how they get when

they're hungry, right? So wait till he has a full belly

and then talk to him about all this legal stuff about, you

know, the law about, hey, it might be your wife, right?

Wait till he has a full stomach. So I would say, look, there is

something here, I think for us, that you have an older woman

helping a younger woman in this area of her life, and Christians

come up with very clever ideas for how to approach practical

things in life. Here's one of them.

God sees what's in the heart, not what's outside, right?

They quote first Samuel. That has nothing to do with

hygiene. That has nothing to do with how

you carry yourself. That has nothing to do with any

of that. So to apply that so that you can

be sloppy and you don't care about your appearance or how you

carry yourself is very unwise. It's very unwise.

Women should be feminine, and if they don't know how to be

feminine, they should be trained to be feminine.

Men should be clean, Men should take care of their physique.

There's nothing unspiritual about that.

And again, if we don't have that kind of knowledge, then those

who are single here, especially maybe you didn't grow up with a

father who invested in you in that way or a mother who

invested in you in that way. Then look around the church and

humble yourself and ask questions, particularly those

who are married and look at some of that you admire.

Look at somebody that is presentable and and ask them.

Ask them some things and we should be who those who are

willing to receive that kind of questioning be willing and

kindness and gentleness to speak, speak into people's

lives. I don't have any children.

I hope to have children soon. And if God were to give me a son

or a daughter, give us children at at a right stage of life, I

will tell them among many things, not as a priority, but

among many things, I would say, son, the way you carry yourself

in public will either work for you or against you.

That's just the way people are. That's just the way people

think. So let it work for you.

That's not a call to be extravagant.

That's not a call to do surgical stuff.

Just basic, basic approaches to being somebody who is

presentable. But it's not just about physical

appearance. It's not just about what you

wear. It's about even your skills

socially. So I think there are two extreme

approaches when it comes to pursuing.

I call one the hermit approach and I call the other the hyper

approach. So hermit is somebody who lives

in solitude for the sake of religious disciplines, right?

We're not hermits as Christians, we live in community.

But there are those who have maybe it's personality.

That's why I want to be gentle here.

You have maybe just it's your personality.

And this may be shocking to you. I'm an introvert by nature.

I love to be alone. I get my energy from being alone

and reading books. That's just the way I am.

I love people, but I also love to be by myself.

And there are some people on the spectrum.

It's, it's a different intensity.

Some people are like, I love people because God told me to

love people, but I, I just, I'd love to really be alone.

I just, I don't like to interact with people.

Listen again, going back to what I said in the message, you, you

have to be somebody who's willing to talk and carry on a

conversation. So if a gentleman approaches you

in the church or any other spiritual setting or any setting

for that matter, it's not ungodly or unspiritual to

converse, right? So, hey, how are you?

Good. All right.

How long you become of the church?

Quite a bit. What's your testimony?

God save me. I'm a Sinner saved by grace.

All right, you can talk, ladies. You can.

Good. How are?

You. How long you been coming here?

Are you a member here? No.

What do you do? What's your testimony?

That's OK. Open up talk.

It's fine. And gentlemen, can I tell you

something? Just because a lady says what

did you do this weekend doesn't mean she's into you necessarily.

You know why? The cashier at Mariano's asked

the same question. And you don't think that, did

you? So don't leave.

You're saying she asked me what I did and she asked me my

testimony and now you're texting your buddies.

I found the one. Just relax.

Just relax. Have a conversation, right?

So. The hermit approach.

You just want to live in your own world.

You don't want to talk to anybody.

You don't want to carry on conversation.

Well, your singleness might be longer than you had planned for.

OK, there's more that I can say. Again, leave it for the Q&A.

The hyper approach, and we're running out of time here.

So I got to Fast forward the hyper approach, This is the

opposite of the hermit approach. And this is the person that

holds nothing back, all right? And everybody knows that this

person is after a spouse. And that could be true for a guy

or for a woman. That is not helpful for your

case. So the hyper approach can look

like many things. It can look like going back to a

conversational example. How are you, sister?

Wonderful. Do you enjoy the service?

Yeah. You know the one point that

pastor made? Really.

Minister to me. That's great.

That's great. How many kids do you want to

have? You think that's funny, But

there's some people, they don't even know the person's last

name. They're already asking for a

number. They want them to just gush out

absolutely everything they have in mind concerning marriage,

spouse, family, where to live, what kind of fence they want to

have, all that kind of stuff. Relax.

Pump the brakes. You can talk to somebody more

than once, twice, five times and not give off the vibe that

you're ready to take them and put a ring on the finger without

their choice. And it's not good.

Listen, gentlemen, listen very carefully.

It's not good. And this is true for women, but

it's more for men to jump from woman to woman to woman, making

known right away that you're looking to get married because a

woman's not going to feel like you're pursuing them.

They're going to feel like you're pursuing marriage and

you're just willing. To go after anybody, so just be

a brother, be friendly, be kind, be patient and just let things

flow naturally and read body language.

Read body language. So maybe the person doesn't have

the the hermit tendencies but they just don't want to after

the 3rd or 4th time carry on in conversation.

Get to know you on a deeper level.

OK then leave it alone. Stop harassing them man when you

see them around. Hi, how are you?

Good, good, good small talk. But you don't have to hound them

and you don't have to ask what's wrong with me.

Why don't you talk to me more? Just they're not interested.

It's OK. Just move on, right?

And let me bring this last point to you.

Be open to God's providential leading.

So there are some who not only reject prospects because of a

standard of perfection that is not realistic, but because the

opportunity does not line up with their narrative, their

personalized idea of how they're going to come together with a

person that God planned for them.

There are people like that. How this is going does not fit

with the script that I've created or that I've even prayed

for. And so I'm never no longer going

to entertain it. God can have somebody for you

and that person was in love at first sight.

God can have somebody for you and they don't share the same

cultural background. God can have somebody for you

that you never expected was to be for you.

And that's not to give you something less than what you

hope, it's to give you something better.

There is a excerpt that I want to read to you from the book The

Mystery of Providence, written by Puritan John Flavell, and I

want to read to you in the chapter that speaks on family

affairs. So I'm just going to read this

as a closing statement. He writes quote.

That Providence has a special hand in our marriage is evident

both from Scripture assertions and the acknowledgements of holy

men who in that great event of their lives have still owned and

acknowledged the directing hand of Providence.

Take an instance of both. The Scripture plainly asserts

the dominion of Providence over this affair.

A prudent wife is from the Lord. Proverbs 1914.

Whosoever findeth wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor

of the Lord. Proverbs 1822.

So for children, lo, children are a heritage from the Lord,

and the fruit of the womb is His reward.

Psalm 127. Three, pay attention to this

part. There is very much of Providence

seen in appointing the parties for each other.

In this, the Lord often goes beyond our thoughts and plans.

Yeah, and often crosses men's desires and designs.

To their great advantage, not what they expect, but what His

infinite wisdom judges best and most beneficial for them, takes

place. Hence it is that probabilities

are so often dashed. And things remote and utterly

improbable are brought about and very strange and unaccountable

methods of Providence. That's profound.

So I hope that your appetite has been excited for what we have in

store for the rest of this day. But let me conclude by just

revising some of these points singles, I hope that you have

fresh fuel to cultivate a holy anxiety, be strategic with your

singleness and see how God will use it and actually make you

happy. A happiness that can that can

challenge the anxieties you have for marriage to invest in

intimate relationships. There is a possibility for

meaningful connections outside and beyond marriage.

Third, remember, remember, remember where your true

satisfaction comes from. You're not going to find

ultimately marriage. You're only going to find in the

one who made you. And lastly, take those general

guidelines and see if they apply to you, and hopefully they'll

open your mind to more specific questions for our Q&A.

Shall we pray? Lord, we thank you for this

time, and we ask that you help us retain these truths.

Lord, we pray that more than anything else, this would

encourage our hearts as we rest in your Providence that no

matter what we do like Ruth, as we seek to obey You in the

circumstances that are set before us, we can trust that you

will take care of the other areas in our lives.

So Lord, we ask them that you would bless this food as we

fellowship. We pray that you bless the next

session and the Q&A and everything in between.

Lord, we give you glory for this time in Jesus name, Amen.

Amen.