Colossians: Forgive as You Have Been Forgiven

So we're working our way through the book of Colossians, which is this letter that Paul wrote.

Probably he was in prison in Rome.

He writes this letter to a church that was in southern or central Turkey at the time.

And so he writes this letter.

And what we see in this letter, just to review you, if you haven't been here the last couple weeks, and and it's a good review if you have been here, is in this letter, what we see in chapters 1 and 2, where we've been, is we see all these promises of God sort of like poured out on us.

Like who we are as God's created children, and then who we are in Jesus and what Jesus has done for us, and all these promises over and over and over again about what Jesus has done for us.

He's rescued us out of darkness.

It's in his blood.

We are forgiven.

We're safe, we are secure, we are assured.

It's like promise after promise after promise after promise, chapters one and two.

And then we saw last week was where the shift occurred going into chapter three.

And we see all those promises in one and two, which could also be called a bigger word for that, could be indicatives, right?

Like what's been indicated to us.

We see the shift going into chapter three, now some practicals getting birthed out of the promises.

So we see some imperatives, what we should do because of all of this.

And we can't mess this up.

If we mess this up, we are headed down dangerous paths.

Like you're headed down dangerous paths of moralism or legalism, you know, and moralism would be like, so I'm gonna become a better and better person, and that's how I'm going to feel validated as a human being, or validated before God, or validated as a Christian.

That's a horrible path.

It's incredibly exhausting and judgmental and prideful, and you're all over the place, and a lot of us have done this.

Legalism is where you're just gonna use rules.

Like I'll just create more and more rules for myself or for other people, and if I obey whatever rules I create, then I will feel validated or righteous in front of other people or for myself or in front of God.

And the gospel's this.

No, it's already given to you in Jesus.

The validation, the righteousness, the security, it's over.

That's what chapters one and two are about.

And so we don't leave the promises and just head over into the practicals and like, okay, yeah, like I'm in.

I'm a Christian, so I'm in.

Now I'm just gonna go and put myself to work from now on.

What we see Paul do is he's establishing all these promises so that we can go do these things.

But what we see is he keeps pulling these promises back in, even as we get into chapter three and chapter four.

He does not leave them.

And what this feels like to me is it feels like to me, just don't listen to somebody who if all they give you is imperatives.

I don't maybe you don't come to church here.

Maybe you don't come back.

That's fine.

You go to another church, it's fine.

Just don't go to a church where all they give you is imperatives, all they give you is practicals because you're headed down a dangerous path.

I'm just telling you, it's gonna feel really good for a while because you'll be in control, right?

We love control.

So you can control those rules and you can control how good you think you feel, but it's eventually you're gonna get exhausted.

I'm just telling you, I've done it, I did it for years, right?

A lot of us in this room have done that path.

And so what this feels like to me is it feels like somebody come out to me and say, hey, Russ, uh, there's a dying person in the car in the parking lot, and I need you to drive them to the hospital.

And you get in a car and there's no fuel.

So I need to I've got to go do something, but I have no fuel to do it.

Like that's that's what just pouring practicals and imperatives on people, but just not always rooting it back in the promises.

That's what it is.

It's you sitting in a car and needing to go somewhere, and you have no fuel.

You have no ability.

So we're gonna jump back in in verse 12 of chapter 3.

This was the verse last week that kind of we we settled on maybe halfway through uh the message, and this was the point where I undressed.

Uh some of you weren't here, and so that's even like what was going on.

Uh some of you had disturbed you, uh, and rightly so.

Some of you excited you, and that's just messed up.

Let's just go.

It's okay for Christy to get excited at that moment.

Um, so I won't reenact the whole thing, but basically, you know, the the passage having put to death certain things, and so I took my shirt off.

I had an undershirt on.

You know, you do not want to see what's under the undershirt.

There's not much, by the way.

It's just like bones and some skin.

And so, uh, and then I put on this track jacket.

This track jacket is is it's it's my belovedness.

I mean, it's when I go home and I get comfy on the couch.

I mean, this is what I put on, uh, and there's no judgment in it.

Like it knows me, it fits to me, right?

I mean, we all have that sweatshirt or that hoodie or whatever.

And so this is the beginning point, is this belovedness.

In verse 12, this chosenness, this holiness, this belovedness, this is the core, this is the beginning.

And then we put on uh a couple vests and a couple jackets, and this is the clothe yourself with compassion.

What's it say?

Where are we at?

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

So out of who you are, chosen, holy, beloved, not by what you you did, trust me, right?

Like this is not of us, but what Jesus has done for you comes these other things.

This is what Paul's talking about this whole book.

Out of the promises come the practicals.

That's where we were at last week, and then he builds in verse 13 uh more practicals and then returns us back to a promise again.

So verse 13, something else for us to clothe ourselves with.

Another jacket.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

So today we're just gonna dig into verse 13, most of our time, and there's three points coming out of verse 13.

I did not have to get real creative this week because this verse just lays it out.

Actually, each point is just a phrase from the verse.

It works out really well for me.

Point number one, bear with each other.

Isn't that what it feels like?

I mean, it's like, yeah, that's it.

That word bear, that's what it feels like.

It feels like I'm bearing with somebody.

And I love that word because of it, but that's what we're called to.

And that word means uh means mutual forbearance and forgiveness.

It's this idea of ongoing forgiveness.

It just keeps going.

Like, like we we aren't the sin police.

Right?

You've been around the sin police?

Have you have you had that per maybe you haven't had that person?

Because it works like this.

It's like, I need to talk to you because I've noticed something, uh, heard something, saw something, and uh you said it under your breath, but I said it, and it wasn't a big deal, but I need you to know that I know about it, God knows about it.

Um, and I need you to know that I'm really holier than you are because you said that under your breath.

And uh it's my duty as a super Christian, which you clearly are not, uh, to bring this to your awareness.

So now I will feel superior to you and uh just want you to know you're a horrible sinner and I'm not, and uh you're welcome to come to my Bible study.

Right?

Like well, actually, Proverbs 19, 11 says this a person's a person's wisdom yields patience.

It is to one's glory, it's to your glory to overlook an offense.

It's to your glory to overlook an offense.

So overlook means to pass by.

Right?

We're not talking about you were hurt and you're gonna pretend like nothing happened.

We're talking about don't nitpick.

Overlook people's offenses.

Right?

We're all sinners, we're all gonna irritate each other, and I'm gonna rub on you, and you're gonna rub on me, and you're definitely, if you're in a family, you're gonna rub on each other a whole bunch, right?

Because we all have our issues, and I want approval, and you want approval, and you want comfort, and I want comfort, and you want power, and I'm not gonna give you power, you're not gonna give me power, you're not gonna give me comfort, and we're all gonna rub on each other, we're gonna irritate each other.

And in all of that, it's so easy for us just to focus on the other person's faults and the other person's sin and issues, and the whole time you're just looking at a little speck in that guy's eye, or that girl's eye, or that lady's eye, that mom's eye, that neighbor's eye.

The whole time there's a log just like sticking straight out of your pupil.

And Proverbs is saying don't nitpick.

Overlook the offense.

Bear with each other.

Point number two, middle part of the verse.

Forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

All right, this is so timely, right?

I mean, it's Christmas.

Like a lot of us, not all of us, a lot of us are going into families this week.

Extended families, back into family with that dad or that uncle or that cousin, that sister and that brother.

Right?

And what Christy and I always say, where families gather, issues will arise.

Right?

Happens in Christy's family, happens in my family.

Right?

On some level, every gathering is a gathering of memories.

And I read it this week, I was doing some research, and basically it just said our personal history is dotted with landmines, and there's nothing uh more uh clear than when we're with our families.

Because usually the landmines are created by the people who are around us the most.

Difficult people, difficult relationships, wounds, and horrible communication, and maybe you even read these words like forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone, you read those words, you go, no, like someone robbed me.

Like that's how you feel.

Someone robbed me.

They robbed me of happiness, or they robbed me of innocence, or they robbed me of opportunity, and it just feels like they owe you.

So I I wanted to illustrate this, and Aaron, you're sitting very close.

Uh can I see your wallet, perhaps?

Would that be okay?

I'm I'm looking for a wallet, is why my wallet's getting older.

I'm just looking for a wallet.

Thanks, man.

Appreciate that.

So this is a nice wallet.

I uh like that.

So you went slender.

You went slender?

Great, great wallet.

Thanks, man.

Appreciate it.

I I might where'd where'd you get it?

Cohant.

Great, great.

I got some shoes.

That's great.

So uh I so Aaron, uh, I took 40 bucks off of you.

Yeah.

How do you feel?

You feel robbed.

Now, do you do you feel like uh do you feel like I owe you?

Well, of course you do.

I robbed you.

Right?

Like I legitimately robbed you of$40.

Of course you feel like I owe you.

Right?

Like that's what it feels like.

When you're wronged, that's what it feels like.

A debt is created.

Someone has reached into your pocket, they have taken from you, and they put it in their pocket.

And you know it and you feel it, and they owe you.

There's no way around it, whether it's spoken or it's not spoken, they owe you.

And so the debt is formed in your heart, the debt is formed.

And this is where it gets really dangerous for us.

Because then anger can get created.

And not like good anger, not like righteous anger for the justice of good in our society against injustice.

Like this is the kind of anger you've been wrong, and if you don't let it go, don't sing, by the way, don't sing, gosh.

Um even when I put the three words together in a sentence, I get nervous.

Uh if you don't surrender it, uh, if you don't surrender it, that anger can turn to bitterness.

Maybe you hear you'd say, I'm not angry.

Good.

And maybe you're not angry.

Maybe like you have processed it.

You have surrendered.

You you have worked that out.

But maybe you are angry.

Maybe you think you're not angry, but it's seen by everybody else because it's seen every time you post on Facebook.

That bitterness is seen.

Or maybe it's felt by your wife and children every time they bump up against you a little bit and you overflow that boiling water on top of them.

Maybe it's every time you talk about that person or that place or those those people, it's just so clear to everybody else.

Maybe it's deep down, it just seeps out slowly because maybe you were rejected, or maybe you never got picked, or maybe you're jealous.

Maybe you were taken advantage of.

Maybe you're still cleaning up after someone else, and you're worn out.

Maybe you lived in a family of comparison and nothing was good enough.

Maybe you would say he abandoned me, he was uninterested in me, he abused me, he left me, he cheated on me, or maybe maybe she did.

Maybe she hounded you, or she was demanding of you.

Maybe you're angry because she never forgave you.

Or never cared for you.

Maybe you're still angry at that church because those people are so horrible and domineering and manipulative.

Maybe you're angry at the circumstances because it should have been different.

And you're angry at that job or that friend or that boss, or you never got the shot, or maybe you're angry at that illness, or angry at that accident, and God could have done something, and he didn't.

And you're angry at God.

Maybe you're just angry because just things didn't work out like you thought they would.

It's just not what you thought it would be.

And what it felt like is it felt like somebody reached into your pocket and took out a bunch of cash and put it into their pocket.

And they owe you.

Listen, don't pretend not to be angry.

Right?

Like Christians are always acting like we're so holy.

It's like, no, I'm not angry, I'm just kind of ruffled a little, I'm stressed.

Just pray for me because I'm ruffled.

It's like, no, man, you know how great it is when somebody just says, I am boiling livid angry.

Like, oh, now we have a starting point.

Right?

Like now we can start.

We had a community dinner last year.

So our community dinners they meet monthly and we have a meal and there's no agenda.

Usually, there's just a discussion question.

And our community dinner we had uh last year, one of the discussion questions one month was what makes you angry and why?

And so I was the one who came up with a discussion question, so I had a head start of thinking about my answer, and I kind of knew my answer because this makes me angry repeatedly.

And uh, I had just put together a hitchhole, you know, like on the back of a truck, you put it in, it's a little shelf, and you can when you're going to the beach or whatever, you put your stuff on it.

So I man, I ordered it off Amazon.

I just thought, you know, it's gonna come in like two parts, boom, boom, boom, ten minutes.

It's not, it's like 12 parts, and there's bolts and there's you know, like washers and nuts and stuff, and I'm in the driveway in the back, and I'm putting it together, and I'm going, this was a 10-minute thing, and now it's an hour thing, and I'm like wrenching down and hit my knuckles against the concrete, and my girls are climbing on me, and I'm just I'm getting angry, legitimately angry, as I do this.

And I actually get angry repeatedly in this situation when something should take 15 minutes and it takes an hour.

This happens all the time, and I think I know why.

I think it's because about 22 years ago, when my parents separated, my dad moved out, I had to start doing stuff around the house.

And I had to build shelves and I wasn't good at it, and I had to install a storm door, and I wasn't good at it, and I had to clean gutters, and it was a pain, and I had to do all this.

And and inside of me just formed this anger to that kind of stuff.

And some of that's still there.

And I have to just be real careful not to be angry at circumstances of certain people or angry at God because of any of that, because you know what?

I feel robbed.

Right?

Like how easy we can feel robbed.

Because on some level we were.

And so we only have two options.

So the first option is to make them suffer.

Mm-suffer.

I'm gonna make her suffer.

And so I'm gonna withhold friendship or love or communication.

Uh if you're married, I'm gonna I'm gonna withhold sex.

Hello?

Right?

I can say things that will hurt them.

I can hurt their reputation, I can disown them, I can cut them off, I can.

And maybe to some degree you feel like you're getting your dollars back.

I got five back there, I got ten back there.

There's one problem while you're doing this.

You know the problem.

You're becoming colder and harder and more bitter as you go.

So the second option, which is I think harder, is you can forgive them.

It means you refuse to make them pay you back.

Doesn't mean you're best friends, doesn't even mean you have to be around the person again.

It just means in your heart you make the decision, I'm cutting them free of the debt.

And when you cut them free of the debt, you are cut free.

And this is just not easy because retaliation is what's easy, right?

But forgiveness leads to life after the death of what's so hard, which is letting it go.

It's the most difficult and freeing decision you could ever make.

So we're called to forgive.

That's what Paul says, middle part of the verse.

And you're going, well, how do I do that?

Because Russ, I'm angry.

I'm livid.

If I dig down there, right, like I've put a lot of stuff, I've just stuffed it because I don't want to get too in touch with it.

So I've just been stuffing it, and if I get down there, I'm scared to go down there.

If I go down there, I'm really livid about whatever.

So how do I do that?

How do I forgive when I'm just angry?

So look how the verse plays out.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

And it's like Paul hears himself say that, and he says, Oh, yeah, forgive as the Lord forgave you.

There's only one way to do it.

And that's point three.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

See, Paul, what he says, he reminds us of the promise, pulls those promises back in again.

You're forgiven fully and forever, and that is over.

So Jesus on the cross took our sin, took our shame, took all of the rebellion that we put against God, and he took all of it.

And we are restored to right, forever, secure relationship as righteous children before him, even though we're screwed up and we continue to be immoral in some ways and we think badly in some ways, and we're completely righteous because of Jesus.

And Paul's saying, remember that, remember that.

You've got to get in touch with that.

So at times it can feel so impossible to forgive, but the only way to forgive is to remember who you are, what you've done, and that you've been forgiven.

See, what we tend to do is in reaction, in reaction to the woundedness, so like in the reaction to me stealing the 40 bucks off Aaron, Aaron starts a ledger.

Russ, debt,$40.

And so what this does for Aaron is it gives him a sense of control.

Now he can control the debt.

But the problem is the ledger, it's a burden.

You think it's control, you think it gives you safety, but it's poison.

See, ledgers can only exist when you forget that God got rid of his ledger on you.

Which means if I flip the sentence around, the only way to forgive is to remember God got his, God got rid of his ledger on you.

That ledger he had on you, that list that you know in your head of all the stuff and all the thoughts and all the things, that ledger, he got rid of it because it got put on Jesus, so there's no ledger that God has on you.

And that's beautiful.

That's freeing.

And the only way for you to go to forgive somebody else and let go of the ledger you might have on them is for you to remember he has no ledger on you.

That's what it's saying.

That's what verse 13 is saying.

Last part, verses 14 through 17.

And over all these virtues, put on love.

Over all this, put on love which binds them all together and perfect unity, right?

You can't love someone until you've been loved.

Verse 15, let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you are called to peace and be thankful.

See, the peace of Christ is his grace to us that you no longer have to defend yourself.

You're free from that.

Boy, that's some freedom.

To be free from you having to vindicate yourself, to always be right, to always defend, to always retaliate, to always make the ledger even, to be free of that is is incredible freedom.

And this is the grace.

This is how grace gives us peace.

See, so what it means is it means to live peacefully, we have to face all our lack of peace.

If we're ever going to live peacefully, we have to face all the ways we lack peace, mainly, namely our anger and our anxiety.

And by facing all of that and realizing that God is so gracious over all of that, now all of a sudden we can be at peace.

And we can extend forgiveness.

Because we're cut free from our sin and our shame, and then we can begin to cut others free.

Verse 16, let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms and hymns and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.

And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

We went and looked at Christmas lights at Atlanta Botanical Gardens.

This was probably uh two weeks ago, and we went down there with my mom and um all our girls, and we went down there and parked, and it was a walking thing, it's not a drive-thru thing.

And so we we got in and there's lights every it's actually quite beautiful.

I mean, there's lights all up in the trees and wrapped around the trees and all sorts of stuff, and you're walking through, and everybody's got, you know, everybody's got their little glass of wine and hot chocolate, you know, a whole bunch of yuppies together and uh sipping and looking at the lights.

And and so we're walking all around and we tour through the forest of the woods, and we come back to one of the kind of uh formative gardens, structured gardens, and in the middle of it is a chihuli.

So chahuli is a is a sculptor.

So there's this glass sculpture in the middle of this garden, and basically what it is is it's these glass curved chutes all coming out from like a center.

So all these colorful shoots that are curving and they're just shooting up out of out of everywhere from this core.

I was just standing there, we're looking at it, and there's lights and Christmas lights and everything going on, so festive.

And I was just thinking about like that started.

It's really cool.

I mean, it's a beautiful piece.

I mean, it's huge.

And it started as a chunk of glass.

That's what it started as.

Right?

Maybe you've been to little things and you watch some guy make a you know a glass or something, a wine glass or something.

And what does he do?

He takes the chunk of glass, he puts it to the fire, and he turns it, right?

And he blows into it.

He turns it some more, he blows into it some more, he cools it, he warms it back up, he cools it, blows air into it, he forms it.

This is such a beautiful picture for us.

See, God just wants to get, I said it last week, he just wants to get his gracious hands on your heart.

And when it comes to forgiveness and understanding you're forgiven and the places you need to go to to understand your own sin and your shame and sort of your fallness, like that feels like going into the fire.

But it's in that place that He, in that fire, He turns you and He breathes life into you, the gospel, and He forms your heart.

So you can come to the place where you could forgive a grievance done to you.

Somebody has reached into your pocket and taken from you, and that you could cut them free from the debt so that you can be cut free.

Let's pray together.

God, we we feel like chunks of glass most of the time.

We don't really feel like great pieces of art.

But we know any progress will be done in your grace with you breathing life into us.

And God, we confess that we have anger.

And for many of us, anger that has turned to bitterness.

Some of us, anger that we might not even be aware of or we're scared to go into.

And so we escape it and we cover it.

There's no freedom there.

And your grace, would you give us the courage to face our anger and our anxiety that we might find the peace that you give?

Because we are not defined by our wounds, but we are defined by your wounds for us.

And would you help us to become the kinds of people that can bear with each other and forgive any grievance done toward us because you have forgiven us.

We pray this in Jesus' name.

Amen.