Exodus: Honoring When Not Honorable

Uh if you don't have a seat, there there is a few up front.

You're welcome to come up here and and there's some scattered in between.

We could probably start at this point uh the scoot to the middle rule.

We don't have to do it right now as I think we're good this morning, but maybe that's just a practice we can be.

Do you know the scoot to the middle rule?

Well, at least how we work it is please scoot to the middle, but if you're a big guy, the big guy rule overrides the scoot to the middle rule.

And as if you're a big guy, you know you you you you just you're like, I want kind of a seat and a half, I just need some space.

And so scoot to the middle rule, but if you're like, I'm big guy.

Big guy overrides scoot to the middle rule.

So that's how we're gonna move forward on crowded Sundays, just so you know.

Alright, anyway, so we're going through the book of Exodus.

Uh we've gotten unto the point, up to the point of the Ten Commandments.

I'll be honest, what I've been saying as we've been going through this is I was not looking forward to the Ten Commandments.

I mean, I'm I'm not a rule guy.

I'm sort of the guy where it says no parking.

I sort of kind of look at is really is it no parking?

I mean, yeah, okay, maybe maybe in some aspects, but maybe I could possibly park here.

And so Ten Commandments to me were something that uh great moral rules, but I don't know if I want to preach through it.

I just don't know how much excitement, personal excitement, I was gonna have for this.

And the more I got into it, I'm just I'm loving it.

I am loving the Ten Commandments.

It was a total strange surprise to me.

And maybe uh you're sitting in judgment for me for feeling that way, or maybe you do feel that way, but that's how I have felt.

And what we've seen as we've been looking into it is that the Ten Commandments take us somewhere.

Every week, as we've looked at a commandment, we've looked at the commandment for what it says, for the moral that it says, which is good and holy and perfect and good for us, but we've also seen where it takes us, and it takes us somewhere where I think is the good news for us.

And so what we've talked about is to catch you up if you haven't been here, is we said that we've all had these experiences where uh maybe you've been to a church or you've talked to a friend or a parent or you read a book, and and maybe it was in the context of spirituality or Christianity, and you left that conversation or that experience, and all you were thinking was is you were thinking, I don't like that.

Like what that was just feels exhausting.

And you've probably had that moment where you've felt that, just felt the exhaustion of that form of Christianity.

And what we've talked about is that most of the time, not always, most of the time, that is Christianity under the law.

And we've been talking about that the law is the standard of what we should be.

Like that's what the law is, that's what the Ten Commandments are, and that's what the law of good and holy standards of what we should be is called.

That's the law.

And the law, if you live under the law, it crushes us.

So we have to let the law, while it gives us boundaries for life and it gives our society boundaries and it guides us for our behavior, at the same time we have to let it, like we've been talking about, send us on.

And it sends us on to the grace of God, or else we live under the law and we feel that crushing burden, and you felt it, whether it be in a Christian, in a religious way, or maybe you've just felt the burden of the law in a secular way, and we feel it in terms of the crushing burden of achievement, or to look a certain way, and it just exhausts you.

So you can live under the law in religion, but you can also live under the law in the secular world.

And either way, it's the crushing burden of a standard of trying to live up to it.

And you have to let it send you on.

And that's what we've been seeing over and over again.

And so as we've been looking at these Ten Commandments, what we've said is you've got to remember verses 1 and 2 of Exodus 20.

So verses 1 and 2 set up the Ten Commandments.

And what they say is, and God spoke all these words, so he's about to speak these words, saying, I am the Lord your God who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery.

So the context of these rules, of these commandments, the context is, I already saved you.

Like you're already my beloved children.

That's what he's telling these people, these Hebrew people, is he's saying, Hey, remember, I'm about to give you these commandments, but remember, your position as children of mine is already secured.

It's already secured.

And so what that means is it means that our obedience is always out of gratitude for what has been done, not for it.

So we don't come into the Ten Commandments, or we don't come into something in the New Testament about how we should live as Christians.

We don't come into that to perform into it as to get redemption or as to feel justified or as to feel justified as a human being or as a Christian, to like earn that or merit that position before God.

We come into it grateful that all of that work has been done outside of us, which is what Christ on the cross is about, has been given to us.

And so we come to the law not to perform unto it to receive justification, but to be grateful and to come into obedience of it out of that gratitude.

So now we come to this fifth commandment.

We've done one, two, three, and four.

Now we're on the fifth one.

This fifth one has a promise with it, which is kind of interesting.

It's kind of a new thing within the commandments we haven't seen yet.

And the promise is this the promise is that, hey, hey, as you do this, you will live in good conscience and you will live a healthier existence.

Who doesn't want that, right?

I mean, I read that this week.

I'm like, oh, who doesn't want that?

Who doesn't want to live in good conscience?

Who doesn't want to live a healthier existence?

And that's the promise with this fifth commandment.

So Sam read it, but I'll reread it, Exodus 20, verse 12.

Exodus 20:12

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

So two weeks ago, Christian and I we went to uh Scott's Antique Market, which comes in monthly to Atlanta to buy a few things.

So for three years, uh we've lived in our house and in our bedroom, we have a fireplace in our bedrooms.

I think years ago, maybe the bedroom, the master bedroom was a den and then it got switched to past renovation or something.

So we have this fireplace in our bedroom, and the mantle in the hearth's just been empty for three years, and so it was time.

It was now time.

We we take a while to get around to things.

So now it was time to like decorate, or you know, a guy word for that is like deck it out.

We're gonna deck out the uh the man on the hearth.

Because we're not gonna decorate it, we're gonna deck it out.

And so we're gonna go to Scott's and say, okay, Chrissy, I what I would like personally, because I kind of I get into this a little bit, and so I would like some manly stuff.

The room's feeling pretty light, a little feminine.

We need some dark, leathery, like just some manly type items.

And so we're walking around Scott's antique market, and uh Christy sees this and she's like, Oh, that's kind of cool.

And so, what is this?

And the lady says, Oh, that's a that's an old vintage mail bag.

Um, she says, probably about 80 years old, and it's like, yeah, I mean, that's how they would deliver mails with this bag.

And so when the lady's not looking, because you don't have the conversation with the lady looking, when the lady's not looking, Christy says, Oh, that's that's perfect.

It could just sit on the hearth, kind of down low, it's kind of you know, it's manly, it's just gonna take up some space, like that's perfect.

And so, you know, I circle back around real casual, and I've watched enough American pickers to know how to work this.

And so, and you don't say uh what's the price?

You say what's the price, they already know.

You you you're not a negotiator, you say, What do you have on that?

That's the question.

What do you have on that?

That's the question.

There's not what price.

If you said it's not TJ Maxx, there's no price.

What do you have on that?

And so you said, What do you have on that?

And she says,$80, but my uh my husband said, Don't take less than$120 because it's you know it's vintage, it's the real deal, blah, blah, like you know, like there's some big market for old vintage mailbags out there, apparently, maybe, I don't know.

And I said, Oh, okay, and I kind of hem and haw, and I walk around a little bit.

And and then the second question you asked, because I've watched American Pickers, the second question you asked is you say, Well, how low can you go on that?

And she says, uh, 65.

I go 65.

So, oh, you know, I walk around, you know, I'm grunting, oh, it's horrible.

You know, walking around, knowing I'm gonna pay 65, I'll probably pay 65.

Christy's already declared she loves it.

So I circle back around again.

I'm like, what about 55?

And she says, no, no, 65 really is.

It's early in the day, and it was early in the day, you know.

My husband wanted 120, I'm already at 65, you know.

Okay, so so uh, you know, I circle back around, you know, and I act like I'm gonna walk away, right?

Like at least act like it to see if she'll come after me.

And she wasn't coming after me, so then I turn around and just buy it for uh for 65.

And so that was the price.

I buy it for$65.

All right, what is all this about, right?

What's the point?

All right, what all of that about is about is evaluating value, assessing value, and then you make a decision based on value.

I mean, it was actually just a couple moments later, I was in another booth, and there was this like cool horse's head.

Somebody said, Yeah.

I don't know if you have a horse's head, but it was a cool horse's head.

And I was like, oh, that is cool horse's head.

And I said, Well, what do you have on that?

You know, and uh she said$3,000.

And it was that moment where I wanted to act like I was a big enough boy, you know, to handle something like that.

So I kind of stood there, like that's not like so far out of my life.

I was like, oh yeah, I can do okay.

You know, I I looked at it for another two minutes before I walked away just to let her know I was considering that price.

Right?

So you're constantly, you're evaluating value, you're assessing value, you're making a decision based on that.

We're constantly doing this.

We're doing it with leather bags, we're dealing with horses' heads, we're we're I mean, we're dealing, we're doing that with people.

Now, I mentioned that because that's what this word is, honor.

That's what the word is.

The word honor means to attach value.

We actually talked about this same, this honor your father and mother.

We talked about it 13 months ago.

Uh the series that we we went through, the book of Ephesians.

So this is a revisit sermon a little bit as I went back through it.

And maybe here you're thinking honor, you know, like what an antiquated term.

I mean, maybe you're even thinking, like, oh, that's like drawing swords and defend your honor.

But we're doing this all day, every day.

You're evaluating value, you're assigning value, and you're making a decision based on that.

Honor means we attach value to something or someone.

It's a decision to treat people, and in this passage, this fifth commandment, our parents, with dignity and long-term loyalty for their good.

Now, I know some of you got shafted when it came to parents.

And I've I've done enough counseling and had enough lunches and coffees to know that.

Now you have stories that just are they're horrible.

Stories of abuse and stories of neglect and stories of judgment.

So we're not saying pretend abuse didn't occur.

We're not saying get to pretend the passed away.

Uh we're we're not saying, you know what, you have to pretend like dad showed up when dad really didn't show up, or that dad spoke kind words when dad never spoke kind words, or that he or she never drank when they actually always drank too much, or that you have to pretend away any of that, or that some secret life didn't come and destroy your family.

We're not saying that honoring your parents means you have to pretend all of that away.

I mean, you may need boundaries, like really healthy, big, robust boundaries.

You may need those.

You may need to hold to those.

So maybe you can't trust your parents.

That's very possible.

Maybe, maybe you can't admire your parents.

But here's the thing: in some way, maybe simply by forgiveness, you can honor them as human beings.

So that second part of Exodus 20, verse 12, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.

Exodus 20:12

So, author and philosopher Dallas Willard, he makes this commentary on that promise.

And listen to this, so good.

This promise is rooted in the realities of the human soul.

A long and healthy existence requires that we be grateful to God for who we are, and we cannot be thankful for who we are without being thankful for our parents through whom our life came.

Okay, so let's grab a few points here to kind of guide us through this reasoning.

So, point number one is this is we've already talked about this, but here's the first point.

Our lives reveal what and whom we honor.

So our lives reveal what and whom we uh we assign value to.

And this is just true.

It's true to a leather bag, it's true to a car, to a job, to a person.

We may not like it, but our overall behavior reveals something.

Doesn't reveal everything, but it reveals something.

Now, as a child living under the your parents' roof, it's easy to say, you know what, they they don't know what's best for me.

I mean, it's easy to dismiss your parents because they're out of touch with reality in 2016.

You know what?

And it is very possible for your parents to be out of touch with 2016 and what's trending, but here's the thing they probably know more about you than you'll ever know about you, at least for a long time.

And they probably love you more than you love yourself.

And so honoring them is about not about them knowing what's trending and them being current, them knowing everything.

It's the fact that they know a ton about you.

And so you can honor them, not because they're in the know, but because they know you and they love you.

Then we grow up and we become adults, and honoring is about leaving them, but not disowning them.

So maybe our lives have sped up.

As adults, our lives have sped up, and maybe the lives of our parents have slowed down.

Is anybody with me?

Right?

This is what starts to happen.

And the gift back to them becomes your time and your words back to them.

And isn't it hard?

Isn't that hard?

I mean, a lot of that the time's hard because you're busy, your life's sped up, their life's slowed down, and then the meaningful words thing can just be hard.

The meaningful words thing can be hard with anybody.

With anybody.

To look somebody square in the eye, to look your parents square in the eye and say, you know what, thank you.

Thank thank you that you cared for me for so many years, you put up with me.

Thank you.

You changed my diaper.

Like you really, you did that.

Thank you.

I've never thanked you for that.

You dressed me, you drove me around, you helped me with school, you provided for me.

For some of you, like like your parents bailed you out.

Thank, thank them.

Like, thank you for bailing me out.

You know, you matter to me.

I care about you.

You know what that does, that type of meaningful word, it just infuses life.

But all that behavior, those words, and that time has to come from somewhere, and you just won't do it.

And you won't do it because you'll be busy, or you won't do it because you'll be too annoyed with your parents, or they're judgmental toward you, or that relationship is just not perfect, or you're offended by them, or you're outright wounded by them.

So, where does honor come from?

Point number two, honor is fueled by acceptance.

So we see throughout the gospels of the New Testament that Jesus walks the earth, and what is he constantly doing?

He's talking, he's touching, he's around, he's around people who've been dismissed their entire lives.

And whether it's that hated tax collector in the tree or a sick woman in the crowd, or a blind man on the street, he gave them, he saw them, he evaluated, he assigned value, he honored them.

So this week Christy's family uh moved her Nana into assisted care living.

So Nana's nearing 90, granddaddy died in the fall, in the winter, and so time for Nana to go into assisted living.

She couldn't manage herself at home anymore.

And now, Nana, because she's into dementia, um, she's not always being herself.

And so some things come out of Nana, it's just not Nana, it's not her.

It's not what would have come out of her.

And Christy's mom has been tirelessly working to honor her mom and get her to a place that's healthy for her and she'll be cared for, she'll be loved, she'll be secure, and at the same time doing this with hostility from her mom.

I mean, even nastiness from her mom at times.

And it's not, it's that's not Nana.

That's so far from Nana.

And her mom is just tirelessly working around her, like strategically, getting the best, you know, and all this anxiety at the same time of like forcefully, forcefully moving your mom out of her home that she's been in for 50 years or something like that, for 50 years, and moving her somewhere else.

And all of that, while Nana's not being respectable, but you still give honor to her.

And and my mother-in-law is just attaching value to her over and over and over again as she's caring and providing for her, she's working for her good.

Now, my mother-in-law should be like Supermom, right?

I mean, she's she's she's been through life, she should be able to handle all this, she should be able to handle it just perfectly.

Um, you know, she she has the time to do it, she should be able to handle it perfectly.

But you know what?

She's a human too, so she has all this anxiety, right?

Because now Nana's not being nicer, and so now things get passed down from her to Christy and to her brothers, right?

I mean, this is just what happens.

And now Christy and her brothers have to honor their mom by helping, by talking things through with their mom.

Mom, you're doing the right thing.

Mom, you're doing the right thing.

Mom, you're doing the right thing.

This is the right thing.

Let me help you.

How can I help you?

Let me let's help you do this, let's do this, let's do that.

And it's just over and over again, it was honor.

I attach value to you, and Christy and her brothers are doing it to their mom, and then their mom is doing it to her mom, and it's just over and over.

It's like this beautiful dance of attaching value, of seeing imperfection in your parent and still honoring them anyway.

And this is what happens to all of us.

Do you remember?

Do you remember when you first began to see that your parents were people?

Right?

I mean, maybe it was early.

I mean, maybe you were, maybe you were eight, nine, ten, and like you started to get it like, oh wow, like they're just really just people.

Like they are far from perfect.

Or maybe for you, like they were just great parents.

I mean, they were super mom and super dad, and it took you till you were like 20, 21, 22, and maybe that relationship started to open up a little bit, and you're like, oh my gosh, they are messed up.

I had no idea.

You started to see other families, you're like, we're weird, we're weird family.

And there just comes a time when we're not super dad and we're not super mom and they aren't super dad, and they aren't super mom, and you're just Russ, and you're Christy or Ed and Carol or whoever.

And honoring them becomes about allowing them to be not just your mom and your dad, which if that's just it, you will hold them to a standard of which they cannot maintain, but allowing them to be a human being with faults and with failures.

Maybe you're here thinking, maybe you have no clue.

Because you don't know my family, you don't know him, you don't know her, she's impossible, he is stubborn.

They are crazy.

And maybe they are.

I mean maybe they are, and but maybe you you will be too.

And I know some of you, you already are.

So we do need more to this story because how do you accept if honoring is about accepting somebody, but then accepting them is very difficult because they're not perfect.

So, how do you accept somebody who's not perfect?

Because we want to we want to honor them based on their merit.

But they don't have a lot of merit, just like you don't have a lot of merit.

So, how are you gonna honor them?

Where does it come from?

And that's where point three comes from.

You accept them by remembering your acceptance.

So, Paul in Ephesians 6, 1 through 3, which is what we preached through and talked about about a year ago, he mentions something else when he talks about this honoring parents because he slides something in.

And what he says before he quotes Exodus 20, verse 12, he quote, he says this.

Exodus 20:12

He says, Uh, children, obey your parents in the Lord.

For this is right.

And then he quotes Exodus 20, verse 12.

Exodus 20:12

And so, children, obey your parents in the Lord.

That phrase in the Lord, key phrase that he slides in there.

And here's what it means: it means that none of your imperfection and issues and sins are counted against you.

That's what it means to be in the Lord.

None of your imperfections and sins and mistakes and failures and the fact that you're constantly failing and falling short.

None of that is counted against you and your acceptance before God because you're in the Lord.

You're not in your own word.

And so you're in the Lord, so therefore you can honor your parents.

You're accepted as crazy and perfect as you are.

Now, now go look at mom.

Now go look at dad.

See, out of that position, everything changes.

See, we sit in judgment over people as we think we have our acts together.

When you think you have your act together, it's really easy to be judgmental over other people.

And then when you realize that you're the dirty, rotten scoundrel also, all of a sudden you're not judgmental anymore.

Now compassion can begin.

Listen, I wrote this sentence and I love this sentence so much.

I worked on it all week.

It's all I did all week, it's just one sentence.

So please listen to this sentence.

As you understand your imperfection, you can begin to deal with their imperfection.

And as you deal with their imperfection, you can begin to honor them.

As you understand your imperfection, that's where it begins, you begin to deal with their imperfection, and as you deal with their imperfection, you can begin to honor them.

Because just as God does not use your merit to warrant his love toward you, you no longer, you are free.

You don't have to use their merit for you to honor them.

And maybe you wouldn't have paid$65 for this old leather mailbag.

Like you evaluated that, and you were like,$65?

Like I would have thrown, that was going to goodwill if that was in my attitude.

Maybe that was so far from the way you would have assigned value to it.

But see, that got assigned value from our point of view because we loved it.

So I started thinking about my dog, Thomas.

Some of y'all remember my dog talking about Thomas.

He died a couple years ago because uh Greta was walking around this week and she had a little t-shirt on and had a head of a big golden retriever on it.

So I started thinking about my dog, and I started thinking about um his collar.

Still have it.

It's not going anywhere, by the way.

It's in a box in the garage.

I mean, this collar, this is his collar, he wore it all the time.

It says Thomas on it.

You know, this thing's staying around.

And if you tried to buy that off me, if you tried to buy it off me, I would quote you a price.

I mean, everything's for sale, don't get me wrong.

I would quote you a price.

You wouldn't pay that.

There's no way you would pay that price.

It would make no sense for you to pay that price because I value it out of love, not obligation.

Okay, here's what that means.

It means I sat around a table this week for lunch.

It was lunchtime.

I sat around a table with two other pastors, local pastors, pastor at Stonebridge and Pastor City Church Marietta that's starting up, and we're meeting together and talking, and just being together is great.

And we talked about how can we help make sure our children don't feel like a distraction to our lives.

Right?

I mean, there's a way to screw up a kid, right?

Like have an affair with a church while your kid's at home watching you, wishing you were there.

Like that'll screw a kid up.

And we're going, how do we not do that?

How do we not do that?

And I don't do that perfectly.

And even when I'm there, I don't do that perfectly.

Just like you.

I'm impatient, I'm gonna be distant, right?

I'm gonna have to ask for forgiveness at bedtime a good bit.

So here's what I'm gonna have to have from them.

I'm gonna have to, I will need a great grace from them.

That one day I will need them to honor me even though I'm not honorable.

Because they'll begin to see I'm not super dad.

This is first jar on.

We love because we have first been loved.

See, the law.

The law does not create honor.

The law tells us about honor.

Love creates honor.

Without grace preceding the law, we have no shot at something like attaching value to a parent, not long-term and not for real.

And our children have no shot of attaching value and honor to us unless they know the grace of God.

They're accepted before God based on his work for them.

Because now when they approach you, they will not be using your merit toward them in order for them to honor you.

This is what we see again.

We just see it again that this law, honor your father and mother, this is a good holy law.

It is good.

The principle is fantastic, it's what we need.

But it crushes us because we don't perfectly do it.

But you are in the Lord.

You are in the Lord.

God does not relate to you based on you being honorable.

He relates to you based on the fact that Jesus was honorable for you.

So, my brothers and sisters, receive your honor this morning because the grace of God toward you and the work of Jesus on your behalf, He deems great honor upon you.

And rest in the fullness and sufficiency of this honor, and may it bring great relief to you.

Let's pray together.

Father, we thank you that you do not use our merit to decide whether you will honor us and value us.

That you decided to take that accomplishment on your own.

And that your work for us is enough for us.

And that you honor us and value us and you love us.

That we find ourselves in the Lord and not in our work, and where we live in the great rest and relief that there is for us as we know Jesus greater and greater in his sufficiency for us.

Would you help us to see our parents through your grace?

Would you help us to become so secure in you that we can risk loving them and honoring them and obeying them?

And for some of us, good, healthy boundaries, even while forgiving them.

Would you bring great healing to relationships that need it?

Would you give us great discernment for conversations needed?

Would you give us courage to speak the words that are so meaningful it can infuse such great life?

And would all that always come back to that secure relationship and acceptance we have in you?

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.