Matthew: Breaking the Cycle of Retaliation

Well, good morning.

Good to see you.

I'm sure you've been keeping up uh with the Taylor Swift Kanye um issues.

If not, I'm gonna catch you up to speed this morning and we find it very important as a church to be up to speed on these very important matters.

So just to backtrack so I can catch you up, because like I said, very important.

You know, we'd be involved here.

In 2009, Taylor Swift she won a VMA award, and maybe you remember this, and she gets to get up on stage to receive the award, and then Kanye just kind of goes for it and steals the mic and belittles the moment.

And we think there's gonna be this huge fallout, and she, you know, Taylor Taysway, right?

Everyone would love her.

How do you not love her?

You can act like you don't love her, but you still sing along with her music, and we know you do.

So she kind of graciously deals with it, and we think there's not a big fallout out of this.

And a few years later, she's with um she's with Kanye and Kim, and they're at the MTV Awards and they're hanging out.

It looks like everything's good.

It looks like everything's good.

And 2015, uh, it looks like things are good.

They're seen at parties together, they're friends, they're smiling, they're dancing, all is forgotten.

A circle of healthy celebrity relationships are going on here.

And then this year, Kanye releases a song that degrades Taylor.

I will not read those lyrics in church.

It's that that rough.

And a cycle begins.

And that's why I'm mentioning this absurd story because there's always a cycle.

So then the internet goes crazy, and then Kanye says that Taylor approved the lyrics, and she says she didn't, that they had a phone call, but she didn't approve of the lyrics, and then she wins another Grammy, and then in that speech, she takes a shot at Kanye, and then Kim has an interview with GQ, and she takes a shot at Taylor, calling her a liar, and then Taylor responds back via social media, and then all the friends of all the people join in, and it's back and forth and back and forth.

Maybe it's all publicity, which it's really working, right?

It's actually working.

I'm mentioning it in church, is how well it's working.

But the point is, the point is, is it all started with one thing, and then a cycle begins.

He did this, so she did that, so he did this, so she did that, so he did this, right?

It's the cycle you strike me, so I strike you.

Now, if that's too pop culture for you, it's it's kind of interesting, in July of this year, the official Twitter accounts for the governments of Denmark and Sweden got into it.

I mean, it is crazy.

The official foreign ministry Twitter accounts for two countries of this world got into it.

So Denmark tweeted something about the two countries not liking wall-to-wall carpeting, and I didn't understand why a government needs to say things like this, or maybe even why a government needs a Twitter account.

Um, that's up for debate as well.

And I don't understand that joke, maybe it's a culture thing, but apparently Sweden didn't like being compared to Denmark in any way, and so they fire back on their Twitter account, official foreign ministry Twitter account, they fire back that Denmark's basically the size of one of their lakes, and then you know Denmark didn't like that, and they start making fun of each other's languages and like something about moose and something about the fertility rate of men in Denmark, and like back and forth, back and forth, right?

Official, official, official uh government um language coming out here, right?

They said this, so I will say this.

So they say this, so I'll say this, and it's a cycle.

A cycle begins.

And we know cycles.

We we know cycles more seriously in Syria, we know cycles this week in Charlotte, we know cycles in hallways, we know cycles in break rooms, we know cycles in our families.

We know cycles in the most prized relationships we have.

Because that person said that thing, and so I'm gonna say that next thing, and then they're gonna say the next thing, or we were forgotten by that person, so we secretly, maybe not actively, we secretly, passively withdraw.

Maybe we actively seek to harm that person, or maybe we passively just wait and sort of enjoy when something happens to them, right?

You should sort of rejoice inside of yourself.

You never tell anybody, but inside of you, you're sort of thinking, serves them right.

Had it coming.

And then we have this text, this teaching from Jesus in Matthew 5, this Sermon on the Mount, the core of his teaching, he's taking us into the core of our beings in Matthew 5, 38 through 39.

You have heard that it was said, an eye for an eye, and tooth for a tooth, but I say to you, do not resist the evil one who is evil.

But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

So another way to read Matthew 5.39, the first part there is do not respond in kind to those who do evil to you.

Don't do the same thing back.

Now, the historical context of this eye for an eye is about controlling and limiting punishment for something done.

And then Jesus comes into this issue and he says, Oh, the perfect path forward in relationships is to break the cycle.

Don't you wonder?

Don't you wonder how free your inner life would be if you only broke cycles and didn't spend energy perpetuating cycles?

So that person thinks whatever about you or said whatever about you, and they sit in judgment over you, or they leave you, or they say something, they pass you over, they break the promise, they steal the money, they said words they shouldn't have said, or they didn't say words they should have said, and Jesus is saying, don't respond in kind to them.

Maybe you build boundaries, maybe you leave, but don't respond in kind.

Because listen, when you do it, you never end it.

Right?

We can actually learn something from Kanye and Taylor.

Amazing.

We never guess it, but we can.

That it doesn't stop it.

Now, author and counselor at the University of Chicago, Dr.

Alex Lickerman on psycholytoday.com, an article.

He wrote, here's what he says.

When someone attacks us, abuses us, or even disrespects us, no one benefits by our turning the other cheek.

Turning the other cheek meaning in the biblical sense that upon being struck, we should offer our attacker our other cheek to strike as well, a way of representing our commitment to an extreme form of pacifism in which we willingly allow ourselves to come to harm rather than taking measures to protect ourselves that require us to harm someone else.

Okay, so this guy isn't buying into it.

Like he doesn't buy it.

He doesn't buy his teaching.

So what are the scriptures calling us to?

What is Jesus calling us to?

Well, he's not calling, it's very clear he's not calling us to be bulldozers.

But what also is clear, he's not calling us to be doormats.

There's a third way.

And the third way is about being secure and self-assured and breaking cycles.

Remember Samson, Old Testament, it's a story in the Old Testament.

Maybe you haven't heard the story.

It's a crazy story.

It's some crazy stuff.

This guy's in Judges 15, he has long hair, he's super, super strong.

He is a force to deal with.

So the story in Judges 15, it goes like this: that Samson was headed toward his wife's room.

Okay, this is code language for he's gonna have some quality time with his wife.

So he's on his way to his wife's room, and the father of the wife steps in, and the father says, Oh, I was so sure you didn't like her, that I gave her to your friend.

Isn't her younger sister more your type?

So right away, the the horror of ancient views of women, it's there.

We know that that's a mess, and now we also have the mess of a wound, the father-in-law on Samson.

And a cycle begins.

Because Samson says, This time I have a right to get even with the Philistines.

So that was his wife's family, was a part of the Philistines.

I will really harm them.

Like this has been building up, and now you've wounded my right and my pride, and I deserve to strike back.

So a few points as we work our way through the story.

Point number one is this retaliation is about wounded pride.

When we want to retaliate, that that desire is coming out of a wounded pride.

How dare you say that to me?

How dare you do that to me?

You took away my rights, you wounded me, you strike me, I will strike you.

So Samson goes and he catches 300 foxes.

I don't know how long it takes to catch 300 foxes.

I tried to catch a lightning bug this summer and I tripped.

You know, he's catching 300 foxes and he ties them tail to tail.

He puts a torch in between the tails.

He burns the fields.

He lets these foxes go in the fields of the Philistines.

So he burns, he burns their grain and their olives, he burns their food, he burns their livelihood.

This is this is crazy.

And so then the people say, Who did this?

Who did this?

And so they say, Well, Samson.

Because his wife was given to his companion.

So then the people, the Philistines, they go up to the wife, they go get the wife, and they'll go get the father-in-law, and they burn him to death.

So now it's not just between Samson and the family.

Now it's Samson and the family and all these people, and now we have two people dead.

And if you're reading the story, you're just going, stop.

Just somebody stop.

Right?

Just stop.

Leave.

Leave town.

Build a boundary.

Take off.

Walk away.

Turn the cheek.

Shut your mouth.

But they struck him, and so he's going to strike back.

And at some point, this is kind of point number two, retaliation is about a wounded heart.

I mean, they they really struck him deep.

I mean, it was his wife.

And then point number three is retaliation is often blind to our faults and always blind to the cycle we were caught in.

Retaliation is often blind to our faults, what we had to do with this, and always blind to the cycle we were caught in.

So 3,000 of Samson's men, his own tribe, they come to him and they say, Sam, you've got to stop this.

These people, they're crazy, these Philistines.

They're crazy.

You've got to stop.

And he says, I just did to them what they did to me, right?

I mean, you hear it?

I just did to them what they did to me.

He's caught in the cycle and he's blinded by the cycle.

And then they come to Samson and they say, We're going to tie you up and we're going to turn you over.

We're going to stop this.

So they tie him up.

Samson, he breaks free.

He gets a donkey's jawbone, and he goes Rambo on a thousand men.

He kills a thousand men.

So it went from him and his father-in-law to the fields being burned, to those people coming back and killing his wife and father-in-law.

And now Simpson's killed a thousand men.

I mean, this story is extreme and graphic, it was profound, right?

Like revenge always escalates and it never satisfies.

It's a cycle that gets faster and faster and faster, and you can get caught up.

And more power will not stop the cycle.

The next comment does not stop the cycle.

If you're married, you know this.

The next comment doesn't do it.

Stopping stops the cycle.

Turning the other cheek stops the cycle.

And it doesn't mean you're weak.

It means you want to be free.

It means you want to be obedient to what Jesus calls us to, to be people of peace.

So point number four.

When we turn the other cheek, we are blessing the other person.

But then we discover we are freed in the process.

When we turn the other cheek, we are blessing the other person, but then we discover we are freed in the process.

Relational violence between me and you, and you and your friend, and you and your classmate, and you and your coworker, and you and your spouse, and you and your kid, and the kid to the parent, that relational violence does not bring peace to the core of your being.

Staying in the cycle will not bring you peace.

Grace and pacifism within the relationship, even in injustices, that brings peace.

Jesus is teaching, drop, drop the jawbone, drop, drop the foxes, hold the tongue, walk away, build boundaries if needed, move if you need to, whatever you have to do, but let it go.

If we go back to the text starting in verse 40, if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well.

And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

So Jesus takes the law, what we should be, eye for an eye, takes it, and says, don't just do what you should.

Hey, let's do even more.

Let's do even more.

So you wound me, but I know about cycles.

So here's the other cheek.

You asked for my tunic, have my cloak.

You're gonna ask me to go a mile, carry your gear for a mile.

And maybe I'm obligated to do that.

I'll go two with you.

I will kill this cycle of violence between us.

And in doing so, I break the cycle.

So I'm no bulldozer, but I'm no doormat.

In dignity, I can love you.

I mean, this is what the great poet Tim McGraw, the great poet Tim McGraw, he's singing about.

Don't hold a grudge or a chip, and here's why.

Bitterness keeps you from flying.

Always stay humble and kind.

He said, hey, don't do it.

Don't get caught in a cycle.

So this this week I just sat down several mornings.

I just sat and just meditated and asked God, God, help me see the cycles I'm in.

Because if you're blind, when you're in a cycle, you're like, God, I need you to help me see it.

And so one guy came to mind, a friend, acquaintance of mine.

And that one's still a work in progress, I'll be honest.

He he has wounded some friends of mine, he's wounded some family, he's caused problems.

He's wounded me, and I am working on letting that go and not passively sort of serves him right.

So I'm caught in a cycle there.

I know that the post office came to mind.

I mean, it sounds so crazy.

A few years ago, I got into it with the post office about my mailbox.

It went on for weeks.

They held my mail, they sent my mail back to like people I owed, you know, like my bills, and so it was all of this.

And I I went postal in a post office on the manager of the post office, and I had to apologize.

I had to go and apologize to the post office because I was so absurd, postal in the post office, so upset, so mad.

And passively, the last two years, just to be really this is so moronic, so silly.

Passively, every time I hear bad news about the post office, I just rejoice inside.

Like, the post office isn't aware of me, right?

I'm not aware.

But there's this cycle in me, right?

And anytime I hear this bad news, I just sort of rejoice, just like that's that's wasted, really, it's wasted energy.

It is waste, it is a cycle that I'm just stuck in.

It doesn't have to always be people, it could be so the post office, right?

I I thought about the thug who who blew up the bombs in New York because I I heard that news this week, or maybe it was the end of last week, and you know what, I want to go after him.

I want to go after his family and his brothers and his cousins, and I want all of them.

I want to perpetuate the cycle when I hear that news.

And this one's tricky because we have to have societal defense, and I get that, and I'm for that, but personally, personally, I have to let it go.

And I have to hope that he and his family and his friends and his cousins are healed from the hatred that they feel.

If not, I'm in a cycle.

I have to be able to turn the cheek and be willing to bless even him.

And you know these cycles, and your family, friends, co-workers, they don't talk to him because of this, and she doesn't talk to him, and she doesn't hit.

And we see that Jesus is teaching beyond our ability.

Right?

Because you don't perfectly turn the other cheek.

Of course you don't.

Neither do I.

We don't do this perfectly.

So I need this teaching.

I need this teaching to show me this third way, not a bulldozer, not a doormat, this third way.

I need this teaching, but I also need it to show me.

I need it to show me I come up short.

That I don't always forgive and bless.

And so all of this leads us back for our need for God's grace to us.

It leads us back to the cross because Jesus goes to the cross, the physical manifestation of God's love and redemption for us, our sin put upon him.

All the shortcomings, even upon this, all of our shortcomings to be able to do this, put upon him, his righteousness, perfection put upon us.

And what does he say when he's on the cross?

Father, forgive them.

They don't know what they're doing, right?

I mean, he what he's saying is hey, these people, they have no clue.

They are committing violence upon me, but I will not retaliate.

I will break the cycle.

So the cross breaks the cycle between us and God.

It brings harmony and peace between us.

Violence was done, but it stopped there.

Because he turned the cheek.

God no longer holds your imperfections and shortcomings against you.

In grace and mercy, he regards you as beloved.

That's the very thing.

The fact that in grace and mercy he regards you as beloved, that's the very thing that when somebody wounds you, it can only go so deep.

Because the core of who you are is rooted in the grace and mercy of Jesus to you, that you are always beloved.

So the wound can only go so deep because the deepest parts of you are secure.

This is the very thing that helps us be able to turn the other cheek.

The fact that he turned the cheek.

He went the extra mile, he gives over the cloak.

So, my brothers and sisters, and the grace and mercy of Christ Jesus, may you break cycles of retaliation and may you rest in Christ who gives complete grace and mercy for all of us who have a really hard time doing so.

Let's pray together.

God, thank you that you teach us the way forward, and at the same time, you give us great rest for all the ways that we hesitate to do it.

There are those of us in this room that are caught in cycles of relational violence, of hatred, of just bitterness, woundedness, where we have never let the person go.

Would you, through your Holy Spirit that resides in us, call us, fuel us, inspire us, to turn the G.

To begin to bless the one who has wounded us?

Would you give us strength in the core of our beings to never be a doormat?

But would you give us great wisdom to not be bulldozers?

And would we rest greatly, greatly in the cross?

Or you still we don't know what we're doing.

Thank you for your love for us.