Genesis: One Flesh as Oneness

So we have been working our way through Genesis chapter 1 through chapter 3.

Genesis 1 · chapter mention

So here we are in chapter 2.

We've been digging into this passage, for this is now, I think, maybe our third week, just in this distinct passage here in Genesis 2.

Our question for this morning is can love last?

Can love last?

Is it possible for two people to fall in love and to actually stay in love?

And I think in that we're asking, could this get good again?

Can this stay good?

Or what happened to the love that I had?

Or what should I do?

Or what should I do, what should I expect for perhaps love again or love for the first time?

And I think it's tempting because of our past experiences, maybe our family history, maybe just a lack of experience in love, perhaps because of wounds, or perhaps of because of hurts, to hear a question like, can love last and sort of react to that?

Because maybe you saw love begin so well and become so toxic.

And yet we'll see a story about a 60-year marriage.

And there's something in us that goes, man, I'm I'm for that.

I am for that.

Whether it's for me or somebody else, I'm for it.

Because there's something in us, in our created nature, that we really want love to last.

I married Christy when I was 25 and she was 24.

And when I when I proposed to her 14 years ago from now, I thought I knew her.

I thought I knew her really well.

I had known her since she was 14 years old.

I can remember the first time I met her when she was 12 years old, practicing her cheerleading jumps in her driveway.

When I was 16 and she was 15, I would drive her home from school in my 1985 Toyota four-wheel drive truck, and I'd have Garth Brooks on, and I would just randomly drive off of the road into the ditch along the side of the road and then back on just to hear her scream.

And I would do it, I loved it.

I loved it.

I've known her a long time.

When I stood at the altar at Snellville United Methodist Church 13 years ago, I thought I knew this girl.

I mean, I thought I knew her.

Because I did, because I knew her probably better than anybody else in my life.

But what turns out is what you know if you've been married for a season, a period of time, for five years, ten years, forty years, fifty years, what you that you just keep knowing.

Because you're changing and they're changing, and hopefully you're changing together, and because it ends up that all of us have a depth, that lifetime just isn't enough to truly know each other.

And I say all of that because there's this two-word phrase in Genesis 2, 24, and it's all about knowing each other.

It's all about knowing each other physically and emotionally and spiritually.

It's all about being united and one flesh and oneness.

Verse 24, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

So we're going to spend the next few minutes just on that one phrase.

One flesh.

Four points.

What does that mean?

So point number one is one flesh is about sex.

The two were there, a man and a woman.

The command had already been given, be fruitful and multiply, and then they become one.

You know, there's a reason why you think about sex.

And it's not because of lust.

Well, sometimes it is.

I mean, sometimes we lust after somebody, we want to have sex with them, dehumanizing them, and that's what lust is.

That's lust.

Sometimes you just think about sex.

Sometimes you're married and you think about sex with your spouse.

Sometimes you're not married and you just think about sex.

You want to have sex.

And there's a reason for it.

It's because you were created as a sexual being.

That's why you think about sex.

That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing.

And I don't know what church you've been in, but I know our church and our church will teach that inside of marriage, you should be having greater and greater sex.

Men, are you taking notes?

I saw some of you starting to break out your notebooks.

You got excited about that point.

And the reason why is because sex is good and it is powerful.

It actually creates the uniting.

It creates the one flesh, it keeps the one flesh healthy.

And God could have made this as pleasurable as checking out a library book.

Right?

He could have.

This command be fruitful and multiply.

He could have made it as much fun as going to the library and getting a nonfiction book about bugs.

He could have done that.

That could have been the pleasurable experience of sex.

But in his goodness to us, he didn't do that.

I mean, isn't that amazing?

That in his goodness to us, he graced us with this command and the practice of it, the power and the goodness of it, that it is life's most sublime experience.

So that's point number one.

I won't dwell on it.

Point number one: one flesh is about sex, but it's about more than sex.

Sex is part of it.

This is holistic.

This is physical, this is spiritual, this is emotional.

This is about more than just sex.

So point number two, one flesh is about being united, but being independent.

So let's say, uh let's say there's a guy named Ted.

And Ted has been single for a while.

Ted's, let's say Ted, this is Ted.

Ted is 25.

Maybe Ted's 45.

And Sally, she's 25, say she's 45, and they meet at Chili's one night through some friends over in Austin Blossom.

And they are at Chili's and they meet and they just hit it off and they start dating.

And a year later, and oh, by the way, in all that dating, they're two independent people.

They think their own thoughts, they have their own lives, they have their own bank accounts.

They're two people.

And then they get married, right?

At a church somewhere, or maybe outside, and it's beautiful.

And then they go on their honeymoon and they're married.

They are one flesh.

And so from then on, they're connected, right?

Now they are one unit.

But the interesting thing about it is they're still independent.

So one flesh is about being united, but it but you're still independent.

So you're united, but you still have your own thing going on.

And that's what marriage is.

Ted and Sally are one, they're attached, but they're connected.

That's the power of the marriage covenant to make us united.

But then that's still the best gift we can give to each other, and this is what our premarital counselor told us 14 years ago.

He looked at both of us, Ronnie Brassfield, he looked at both of us, we're sitting on his porch looking over his pasture, and he says to us, the greatest gift you'll give to each other is your spiritual independence.

I'd never heard that, I've never heard anybody say it, I've never read it, I've never heard anywhere.

I'm still unpacking what that means.

But what it means, I think, I'm trying to come into it a little bit, is it means you're united, but you're still independent.

Adam was still Adam.

Eve was still Eve.

Very clearly, as we get in Genesis 3, they're thinking their own thoughts.

They're still their own individuals.

And this is very, very important that you still be you.

Because if not, if not, you will use the marriage to fulfill yourself.

And then you know what happens.

Ted, Ted ain't as great as you thought Ted was.

Sally ain't as great as you thought Sally was, and Ted's not going to fulfill you, or Sally's not going to fulfill you, and they won't.

They just won't.

And so you'll grow angry or you'll grow discontent.

But if you're attached but independent, you don't use your spouse for something they were never created to be for you.

You go to God for your acceptance and your value and your worth.

And you come into your marriage, the united one-flesh marriage as an independent being with your value before God already secure.

And so you come in before that imperfect other independent person, and you come in valued and loved and esteemed, ready to love and care and serve.

So that was point number two.

One flesh is about being united, but being independent.

Point number three: one flesh is about vulnerability.

Now there's a decision we all have to make, a constant practice.

We all make it every day.

And this is a practice, an ongoing decision that either builds or erodes relationships, but even more importantly, marriages for our conversation today.

And we did this all the time when we dated.

We did it all the time when you set out the blanket under the stars and you had the picnic and you're sharing how you feel about the future, and you're sharing about your family's past and the hurt you felt because of this and that and all that that went down, and you're sharing all of that.

We did it so easily.

And then over time we stop doing this thing.

And we easily just begin to coexist, sort of like living out of logistics, and without realizing what we're doing, we're undermining our own desire for love.

And it's just this practice of being vulnerable with each other.

This is how we want each other over to start.

This is the thing that will keep us together.

It's to be in front of somebody else and say, I will dare to share with you.

Even when I'm tired at the end of the day, I will dare to share with you what I'm thinking and what I'm feeling.

See, when Ted met Sally, remember the Chili's?

Or Sally met Ted, I don't know exactly who, approached who, don't know.

But when that happened, they thought that the other person would be like this.

That's what they thought.

And then some some time passed, right?

They got married.

And over time, Ted was more like this, right?

Sally was more like you thought Sally was gonna be this.

And Sally ended up being a little bit more like this.

You thought Ted was gonna be like this, but Ted ended up being more like this.

Right?

And this is true with all marriages, it's true with great marriages, this is true.

There's a difference between expectations and reality.

There is this constant difference, this gap that exists between expectations and reality.

And you can either choose to move toward division out of anger, and I know you're sweet Christian, so you won't call it anger.

Call it like, you'll just be passively bitter for the rest of your life.

You'll do that.

Still anger.

Oh, you're not angry, you just isolate yourself for the rest of the marriage.

You can either move toward division and anger.

Or you can move toward unity through vulnerability.

Because that gap exists, it always exists between expectations and reality.

And the practice of just letting your spouse know who you are, what you're thinking, what you're going through, what you read, what's going on.

And so when you get home at the end of the day and you're tired, and little Susie comes up, your little girl, she's so cute, she's five, she's been waiting for you, and you hug her and you kiss her and you love her, and you talk to her for five minutes.

How was your day?

And then you look her in the eyes and you say, Little Susie, I love you.

I am going to talk to my wife on the front porch for 15 minutes, and you will not bother us because this is very important.

And you will stay inside and you will color, and after that, I will come inside and I'll color with you.

But you will not come outside.

And you go out on the front porch and you talk.

And are you tired?

Yes, you're tired because you're a human being.

And you do this when you're 30, you do it when you're 40, when you're 50, you do it when you're 80, you do this.

Because the practice of being vulnerable between each other is the thing that keeps the relationship growing and building and healthy.

It's the daily question.

Will I make myself open to this person?

Will I live in one flesh?

Will I share myself or will I guard?

Will I protect?

And will I walk alone?

See, dating was all about compatibility, right?

That's what we were all looking for.

Compatibility.

All of us, every single one of us.

Whether we were looking for it, we're married, or whether you're looking for it now, you're looking for compatibility, and you know what?

It's supported by some vulnerability.

But the whole thing flips around when you get married, and it's all about vulnerability, and it's supported by some compatibility.

And love that lasts is about spouses who learn this and practice this.

And what it does is it just makes us become better spouses.

The gap still exists between expectations and reality.

That'll always exist.

But we learn how to love each other and serve each other.

Last point, point number four.

One flesh is about companionship that reveals brokenness.

One flesh is about companionship that reveals brokenness.

We used to have this dog, his name was Thomas.

He was an 80-pound golden retriever.

He was like a big, dumb, loving jock, is what we said.

He was perfect at placing himself in the most inconvenient places.

He could place himself just where you always had to pet him.

He knew exactly where to lay, so you had to deal with him, you had to pay attention, you couldn't get around him, he was so big, he put himself in your path.

And no matter how well I trained that dog, I could not train out of him that nature that he had.

And sometimes he would lay right in the hallway, take up the whole hallway, and you'd have to step over him.

And what he really liked to do is when you stepped over him, for him to stand up, is what he loved to do.

And this was always it, I couldn't train it out of him.

It was his nature.

It's who he was.

Marriage is like Thomas, it's good.

And it will put itself in inconvenient places for your plan and your selfishness and your path.

Marriage will show you your selfishness.

I thought I was a nice person until I got married.

I thought I was patient until I had kids.

Right?

These things reveal something about us.

And what's so easy is to go, oh, that was Christie.

You know, oh, that's my spouse.

That's her fault.

That's his fault.

And you know what?

Maybe some of the time it is.

We won't say that it won't, but you know what?

A lot of the time?

It's just revealing something about us.

It's companionship that reveals a sinfulness in us, our own sin, our own mess.

And in that you realize that you are unimaginably weak but unconditionally loved.

This is the great picture of marriage as a metaphor for the gospel.

Tim Keller, in his book, The Meaning of Marriage, he writes this: When over the years someone has seen you at your worst and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience.

To be loved but not known is comforting, but superficial.

To be known and not loved is our greatest fear, but to be fully known and truly loved is well a lot like being loved by God.

It is what we need more than anything.

It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us from any difficulty life can throw us.

So if you want to know how love can last, well, we look to Jesus ultimately sacrificing himself for the well-being of his beloved.

I was reading the Jesus Storybook Bible, which we read that to our children.

It ends up being much more for me than for my children, that's why I keep using it in sermon illustrations.

The first few drawings in it, in Genesis, are these happy, blissful, beautiful drawings.

Adam and Eve are naked, they're always positioned, so you don't see everything.

One scene they're on bikes, and that's interesting because for many reasons.

But it is happy and it is blissful, it's beautiful.

And then Genesis 3 plays out, and these two they decide they don't really need God.

They bite the apple in a move for all control in their lives, they move into sin and shame.

And then the first sad scene shows up in that little Bible, and that's where the two are now walking out of the garden.

Their backs are to us, and they're walking away, and Adam has his arm around Eve, and Eve is sort of leaning in toward him, and you have to wonder what their conversation is.

Like, what was their conversation walking out of the garden?

I imagine there's a good bit of silence.

I imagine perhaps one of them speaks up and says, What happened?

Like, what was that?

How did we get here?

And maybe one of them says, Well, well, you did that, or maybe, maybe one of them says, No, I did that.

That was me.

But what we do know is the only way that marriage works healthy on the outside of the garden in an imperfect world is if they're saying to each other, I did that, I did that, I'm like this, I forgive you, I forgive you, I did that, I feel like this, I'm thinking this, I forgive you, I forgive you, I'm thinking this, I'm feeling this, I did that, I forgive you, and over and over and over again.

Maybe you're here and you've really messed up when it comes to this idea of one flesh because you're single again, or you're on that path that's coming soon.

Or you live in the disappointment of that love that has not happened, or the disappointment of love that happened, and they screwed up, and now you're living in the result of that.

You know, those two walked out of the garden.

They walked out sad, but they did not walk out ashamed.

Because, see, God had already moved back toward them, right?

You remember the story in Genesis 3?

He moved back toward them and they were naked and they became ashamed and they hid, and they're hiding, and he comes into the garden and he seeks them out.

And then what does he do?

He covers them with clothes.

So I think part of the conversation on the way of the garden is also something like I can't believe he was compassionate.

I can't believe he was compassionate.

He clothed them with animal skins.

And this is the picture that he clothes you today, no matter what your story has been or is or will be with the idea of one flesh and marriage.

He clothes you with the righteousness of Jesus the Christ.

So you and your record are not the basis of your righteousness before God and in front of this world for your position before God or your value.

Jesus is your covering and your righteousness.

So, my brothers and sisters, may we all live with hearts broken, wide open, to live in honesty, and confession, and forgiveness with those that we love.

Let's pray together.

God, we thank you for the great metaphor of marriage, which helps us to understand how much you love us, that you fully know us, and you fully love us.

For those of us in here who need such healing because of broken hearts, broken marriages, broken dreams, I ask for your spirit to work, to love, to mend.

May we rest in your great love that is sufficient for us.

May we preach to ourselves again that we have no shame in the righteousness of Jesus, and that you have clothed us, and that you move towards us.

And again, today, as always, you are moving toward us in Jesus.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.