Genesis: The False Story of Shame

So a couple of weeks ago, our family was doing what we do several times a week, and that's a little dance party in the evening and our den.

And this time we were taking turns, each of us having like a little solo dance.

And so our four-year-old runs down the hallway and she gets her a costume on, well, dance costume going, and apparently she had a little routine planned out that she had worked on back there in her bedroom, and then she returns back to the den for her really important show.

You know, it was showtime.

And sort of right before she started, she did this little kind of diva hair flip, a little J-Lo, little hair flip, and the the we just die laughing.

I mean, the rest of the family, we just die laughing.

And not at her, right?

Like not at her, but because it was just so cute.

I mean, it was just so amazingly cute.

But you know what happened, right?

The damage was done.

Like, damage was done.

And so she, you know, this was her American Idol moment, and it's like her tripping on stage.

I mean, it was done.

Our laughter crushed her, and she doesn't even start into her dance, and she runs down the hallway and she is wailing all the way down the hallway.

And so I walk after her, I give her a minute or two to see if she's come back out, and she doesn't come back out.

So I walk down the hallway and I just hear this wailing.

She's in the corner under a chair, under a sheet, just wailing.

And a few thoughts came to mind.

Number one, what a silly little child.

I am I'm so glad I'm more mature than ever behaving like this when I'm embarrassed.

I don't want to deal with this.

That was number two.

I don't want to deal with this.

I'd rather go watch a Seinfeld episode.

That was number two.

And that was pretty much my two thoughts.

And then the third thought was, third thought was, is my little four-year-old is in a corner under a chair, under a sheet, wailing, and so she's there.

And so, but why?

Like, why is she doing this?

Why is this the reaction?

And by the way, it's a reaction at 4, 14, 40, 84.

This is this is the usual reaction of all of us.

It just looks different.

Well, because she was rejected, right?

She was rejected in the exact moment that she dared to make herself vulnerable.

Right?

You make yourself known, and in the exact moment you make yourself known, you're rejected.

So I made her climb out of the corner, I made her stand in front of me, and I did what I always do with hysterical four-year-olds, and that is I try to reason through logic about how this is an unreasonable thing she's doing, reaction, unreasonable reaction.

And of course, that gets me nowhere very quickly, and so I go watch Seinfeld.

No, I didn't, I so I stayed there, and I but I default back because we've been studying this Genesis 1 through 3, and I'm learning a few things.

And so I know a few things about my daughter, and I say, you know what?

I said, babe.

Your love in this family has already been declared.

From the very beginning, it's already been declared.

You are already loved.

We love you, and we are for you no matter what.

You know what?

That still didn't work, but at least I said it.

You know, at least I was the good dad.

At least I said it.

Now, a month ago, Christy and I were on a double date with some friends.

And these friends have a uh a child, a kid, who went into high school and they were telling us a story about how their kid in high school, another kid, had said something to their kid, and I'll spare the story, but what the one kid said to the other kid wasn't a good comment, not a good comment.

The kind of comment that you're just not quite sure how you would reply to that, and their kid replied very kindly, like amazingly, like impressive.

And so then we went around the car sharing how we would have replied to that comment when we were like in ninth grade, and everybody took a turn and it turned to my turn, and I can't repeat what I would say in ninth grade.

I truly cannot, because it would have been filled with verbal bombs, like the bombs that are in your head right now, those are the bombs I would have laid out there because I was like that for years.

That's how I was like.

If you dared, and some of you are like this, if you dared to come against me, I will put you in a corner.

I will make you cry under a sheet, and I will slowly, you won't even realize it, I'll be, I'll just be building up ammo, and you don't realize it, just in case there's a day you come against me, and I'll put you in that corner.

Right?

Some of you are like that.

Nowadays, I'm so mature nowadays.

I would never do that as a pastor.

I would never do it.

So nowadays, what I do is I retreat and self-pity and nobody knows it, right?

And some of you do that.

Now, some of you, that's how you react.

Right?

Either way, either way, it's either some sort of aggression or some sort of like defensiveness tactic.

And the reason why is because we're just going, I don't want to feel that anymore.

What that comment was, what that experience was, what it exposed in me, that feeling, I don't want to feel anymore.

I'm shutting it down with aggression or defensiveness, but I'll shut it down.

Why?

Why?

Where does that come from?

We're afraid of the feeling inside of us.

This feeling of inadequacy and failure.

We're afraid, that's actually the entire story about us.

That's what we're afraid of.

Well, I couldn't get Greta back out.

She came out of the bedroom to me at the edge of the bed.

I think she might have gone back into the corner.

That's the four-year-old.

And finally she snuck back into the den and she snuggled with Christie, but she wasn't back to normal until the next day, right?

She was stuck.

You know that feeling, right?

When you're just stuck, like you can't, like, have you ever felt like that?

Where you can't get unstuck, you're stuck in this feeling, this feeling of failure, the fear of failure, the fear of shame.

That's what it is.

A fear of what they think, or he thinks, or she thinks, or they think.

If this happens, what happens?

So, how does all this work?

How does the presence of shame work in us?

Well, Genesis 3 speaks to all of this.

As sin enters the world, sin enters the world, and it creates the feeling we know is shame.

See, at the end of Genesis 2, Adam and Eve are created, right?

And it says they're created, it says they were naked, and it says they see each other, they're fully known, fully exposed, all is seen, and they're not ashamed.

That's what the text says.

They're not ashamed.

So this shows us that God's ideal for us, for us, is to be fully known, fully seen, and unashamed.

That we don't have to do any hiding with other people, any covering, any escaping, any performing, any pretending?

And second, it shows us that sin creates shame.

Let me reread a few of these verses, Genesis 3, 1 through 5.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the other beasts of the field that the Lord God had made.

He said to the woman, Did God actually say, You shall not eat of the tree in the garden?

And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it lest you die.

But the serpent said to the woman, You will not surely die, for God knows that when you eat of it, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

So something horrible happens here, right?

They take the bite, they see each other as naked, and all of a sudden all of it is changed.

Because no longer do they see each other and feel no shame, now they see each other and they are ashamed.

Their nature is changed, right?

A sinful nature is birthed.

And that sinful nature, it pulls us away, constantly pulls us away from who God says you are, and what God says is good and bad.

And so they get some fig leaves.

Some little temporary fig leaves, and they sew some little fig leaves together, and they cover their private parts, and they begin to do this, right?

They begin what's still going on today all the time.

The operation of our sin, the working of shame in us, which pushes us not to a life in the spirit, which is, hey, you can know me.

You can know me.

I'll confess it, I'll repent it, you can know me, and I'll be free.

Life in the spirit.

But it pushes us, this sinful nature, to a life in the flesh, which is all about I'll cover, I'll hide, I'll escape, I'll perform, I'll pretend, I'll do anything so you don't know me.

So a few points to guide us.

Point number one, our shame tells us a false story about ourselves and about our God.

So shame's the feeling that you aren't enough.

That's what shame is.

You aren't enough.

Adam sees Eve, Eve sees Adam, both of them react.

They think they're not enough.

You gotta go cover.

And if anything's evil, if anything is evil, whether you're here in a church house or your house or your daddy's house, I don't know, education, wherever, or work world, whatever house you're in, if anything's evil, it's the idea that you aren't enough and you need to do something about it by your own work.

That's evil.

Brene Brown, who's a sociology researcher and shame expert, she's been a bunch of New York Times bestsellers at this point.

She's an expert on shame.

This is her topic.

And she says shame is a place of unworthiness, full of fear, of rejection and disconnection, right?

I mean, you can just you can just hear this in this story in Genesis.

Shame is the belief that if I'm really known or seen, I'll be rejected and not belong, right?

This is why Adam and Eve cover and hide.

What if I really am the failure I fear I am?

What if I fail at work?

What if I fail in marriage?

What if I fail with my friends?

What if I fail with that girlfriend or that boyfriend?

What if I fail in that test?

What if I fail with my college degree?

What if I fail at work?

What if I fail in front of people?

What if I don't have answers?

What if I'm weak?

What if I never look like that?

What if my life never looks like that?

What if other moms and other women think that about me?

Or about my kids?

Well, we begin hiding and covering.

And that's point number two.

Hiding and covering is a life of bondage.

So my four-year-old's out from under that sheet, the tears are drying up, and she is mad as a hornet, right?

I ask her, how are you feeling?

What are you feeling?

And she says, She says, I'm mad.

I'm mad.

And if sisters were in that room, she would have pushed them, she would have yelled at them.

There would have been aggression at this point.

And none of this is any different than us.

I mean, we're just a bit more refined.

None of it's any different.

I mean, this week, I felt it this week.

I'm at soccer.

One of the older sisters, I know you can't keep track of all of them.

One of the older daughters, I'm at soccer this week, and we're getting killed.

I mean, it's a bunch of little girl beckams out there.

They're probably practicing right now in the rain.

I'm pretty sure.

Little nine-year-olds out in the rain on Sunday morning practicing.

They gotta be because they're so good.

I mean, it's not possible without that happening.

And we're getting blown off the field, killed.

I mean, it's it's a massacre out there, and we're getting killed.

And this Joe Blow behind me, every time there's a score, he's letting out that European soccer chant that you hear on ESPN, like 5 at 2 a.m.

at some soccer game.

You know, there's 12 people in the United States watching it.

Sorry, soccer fans.

That's why it's a I I did think of you when I was writing that part of the sermon.

I was gonna talk to you about it afterward.

But you know the chant, right?

Somebody.

Yeah, you did you say it, Mark?

Or was it you?

And there's Mark or Travis.

One of y'all were gonna get on to me.

So he's letting the soccer chant, that little chant, out every time, every time.

And at first I'm thinking, what a sweet daddy.

Like, his little girl's doing great.

I mean, he is a sweet dad.

And then I start keeping track of who's scoring.

You know, because I'm like that.

It's not his child every time, it's different kids.

And then I think, well, maybe his child's one of the good ones, but he's cheering for like other girls who aren't that good who get a score, and he's being real supportive.

But no, it's like all the kids, it's just all of them.

It's every time, it's really loud.

And I'm just going, you know what?

Like the first 12 scores.

Hey, you're happy, we're for you, it's great.

Celebrate.

After about 12, 13, it's time to shut your mouth.

We all know the feeling.

We're at a youth soccer game.

And it takes all the pastoral presence in me to stay seated.

And all of this is at a youth soccer game, right?

For him and for me.

We never talk to each other.

Now, if the game was tied, this feeling would not have been in me, right?

If the game was tied, he could have chanted every time he scored, it wouldn't have bothered me.

It wouldn't bother me at all.

He could have done that European soccer song all day long.

If the game was tied, wouldn't have mattered.

If we had just lost by a little bit, wouldn't have mattered.

It's because we're losing and we're getting killed and still deep in me, there's something I'm okay to lose in this situation, but you better not shame me.

Right?

That's where it changes.

I may lose my business, I may lose girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, I may fail in this, I may fail in that, I may have a moral failure, I may fail all over the place, but you better not shame me.

And we all know that feeling.

So where is freedom from this?

Where is freedom from shame?

Well, Adam and Eve basically show us what not to do.

They fail.

And then how they react to their failure, they don't come clean, right?

They don't confess and repent before God.

That would be the path forward to transformation, right?

They don't do that.

Instead, they show us what not to do.

And basically, their little clothing activity, you know, a little making some clothes and putting them on.

This is the beginning of escapism and performancism, which is whether it can be in the church or it can be out in the world, but this is the beginning of it.

I will do something to make myself feel better about the shame that I feel.

So at youth soccer game, I feel shame.

You know what?

You know, in many other situations, if I'm not a pastor in the little town of Marietta, I might turn around and throw my chair at this guy, but I can't because I might lose my job.

So I'll stay seated, I'll hold it all in, hold it all in.

But I'll do something to make myself feel better about the shame I feel.

And so it's more hiding and more covering, which never leads to freedom in the life of the spirit, but only to bondage in the life of the flesh.

Because hiding and covering never stops.

There's no end to it.

Now here's the good news.

Point number three is the good news.

This is what God's trying to get out of them.

Confession and repentance to God for your sin are the paths to freedom.

That's it.

That's the path.

Let's read verses eight through thirteen.

And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, Where are you?

And he said, I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid.

Because I was naked, and I hid myself.

He said, Who told you that you were naked?

Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?

The man said, The woman, whom you gave to me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate it.

Then the Lord God said to the woman, What is it that you have done?

And the woman said, The serpent deceived me, and I ate.

So Adam blames Eve, and Eve blames the serpent, right?

The blame game.

That's just covering, more covering, more hiding.

And God said, Who told you?

Where are you?

Where are you?

Who told you?

What happened?

The whole time, God's just trying to get them to come clean.

Come clean.

Be honest.

Confess.

Repent.

Live in the light.

Live in the truth.

That word repent, that's a good word.

Like we don't need to give that over to the religious zealot at the football game with the megahorn and he's acting out of hatred.

Repent is this good word for us.

I need this word.

You need this word.

Because we need to stare the depth of our sin, that reality that we don't always think right.

We don't always live right.

We break what God asks of us.

We hurt ourselves, we hurt people, we hurt our relationship with God.

We need to stare all of that head on.

You know why?

Because it's reality.

It's true.

That's why we have to stare at it.

And we need to sorrowfully speak it back to God and ask for His Spirit in us to work in us that we might walk in truth.

Right?

To walk in the path of the Spirit, not in the path of the flesh.

This week we watched This Is Us.

It's back on season, right?

Y'all watch it?

Grab a Kleenex box if you're watching it.

This TV show, maybe you don't watch it, they have perfected the long monologue to emotional music, is what this is.

There's about six of them every episode, and every time, just get a few tissues out.

And I'm not going to ruin it.

I won't ruin it, but I'm going to read one bit of dialogue.

I won't ruin it just in case you're starting to get nervous right now.

But there's a marriage that's struggling, a dad that's struggling.

And he's staying at a friend's house.

He's just confessed to his wife that he drinks too much.

And she says, she says, I know everything about you.

And he says, You don't know I'm drunk right now.

I've been drunk all day.

I've been drunk for weeks.

And I thought I had it under control, like the first time.

But I have a problem.

And I've hidden it from you for a very long time.

And I've hidden it from our kids, and I need to get a handle on it before I can walk back into that house.

And the music is playing.

And we're tearing up.

Anybody?

Did anybody cry in that scene?

You just want to go ahead and confess right now?

Have a confession right now.

Now, what is that?

What is all this emotion that you would feel during this show, during this moment?

Well, here is a man daring to stop living in the evil of hiding and covering and blaming.

And he's choosing to live in the goodness of honesty and confession.

Right?

He's in front of his wife.

He's letting himself be known and seen.

And life doesn't magically become perfect, but the bondage of untruth and shame is broken in a life of confession and repentance.

Do you remember that in this Genesis story, God replaces those flimsy fig leaves, right?

That little thing that we're doing constantly of covering and hiding and all our different methods.

God comes into what Adam and Eve, their method of doing this, and he provides better clothes.

He provides clothes by animal skins.

Like it's as if in the garden, God's thinking, I barely got any honesty out of these two, because he did.

He barely got anything.

And yet, in my love, I will sacrifice one of my beloved animals, which I created, I love, and I said they're good, and I'm gonna have to take one out for the first time to make some clothes for these two ragamuffins.

And he does it.

And it's a great gospel picture for us that God will make a sacrifice to cover us because the ways that we cover ourselves are insufficient.

And this is what we've been saying the entire series.

That in the very beginning, the Christ was there in Genesis 1.

And if you know the story of the scriptures in the New Testament, the Christ is incarnated as Jesus the Christ, who lives, teaches, dies, resurrects, so that once and for all takes on our sin and our shame, covers us with his righteousness.

So we are freely secured.

We are secured as his beloved, which gives us security enough to live a life of confession and repentance.

And this is such good, relieving news for us because we will constantly hide and cover.

And if we don't do it out in the world, we'll start to do it in some way in a church, unless Jesus is truly sufficient for us.

So, my brothers and sisters, God seeks you in love.

He seeks you in love.

And he redeems you by his love.

And in the very beginning, you were created by his love.

Let's pray together.

God, we we confess that in our reach for control and independence and all the ways it takes shape and escapism and performancism, pretending, hiding, covering, blaming, we only live all the more in darkness.

And forgive us for our lack of faith and trust that you are enough and you are good, that you are good, that when you when you enter the garden to seek these two out, you are coming for their good.

That you seek us for our good.

And that your love has no stopping.

Truly unconditional.

Forgive us for the ways.

Forgive us for the ways we try to save ourselves.

Help us to see them.

That we might confess and repent before you to live a life of confession and repentance, that our lives would be transformed in the spirit.

For your glory.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.