The Sermon on the Mount (Matthew): The Divine Concession of Divorce and the Call to Compassion

So, yes, our text begins on divorce, of which I realize excites nobody, right?

Okay?

Like it's not it's not one of those Sundays where you're like, oh wow, glad I showed up for this one.

That's a great one.

No, this is more the Sunday where you go home and like the third of our church that isn't here because they're on fall break, they say, How was church?

And you say, Well, he preached on divorce, and they go, uh.

And you go, Well, it really wasn't that bad.

That's all we're asking for this morning.

So we're just gonna get our expectations really, really low, and then maybe I can over-deliver.

It's like when the one child comes comes home with a B minus, and you're like, you did so good, like so proud of you.

Alright, so but it's important, right?

Um, because maybe you've been divorced.

And you're probably feeling a little terrified right now.

Um, that's real.

But hang with me, hang with me.

Uh maybe live through a divorce.

Maybe you're going to be divorced one day.

I hope not, but maybe.

Or your cousin, Cindy Lou, or your buddy just got divorced, and you don't know what to think about it.

You don't know what to say.

It's very possible.

So it matters, right?

Like it matters.

We're gonna always talk a lot more about healthy marriages than divorce, but we've got to talk about divorce every once in a while.

Last week in this Sermon on the Mount, we're going through the Sermon on the Mount, that's how we ended up with this passage.

Jesus just leveled us.

If you remember, he takes us past our behavior, he takes us into our motives and our hearts, he exposed the fact that we all have anger, we all have lust.

And then there's all that hell language in that passage, you remember last week?

And the text is saying if you're gonna live by the law, trying to perform your way into God's approval, that's the road to death.

If you're gonna live by the law, you will die by the law.

Jesus is showing us performance-based faith doesn't work.

It's by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.

And that's where Jesus, while he's guiding us to what is good for our lives and how we should live, he's also breaking us into our need of him.

So here we have Matthew 5.

Let's work our way through this passage, long passage, it's going to transition from kind of one subject to the next, but we'll work our way through it.

Matthew 5, 31 through 32, it was also said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.

But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery.

And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

So the longer conversation of this we can see in Matthew 19.

But the context is the same.

There's a group of men at the time, and what they want is they want more lenient reasons for them to divorce their wives, which would have put women in a dangerous position as a male-dominant society.

So at the time, two rabbis had surfaced, Halil and Shemai.

So these two rabbis, they've kind of kind of voices in this realm of who can divorce and how and why.

Shammai was more conservative in his original understanding of the Torah, those first five books of the Bible.

And so he said, well, you can divorce only on sexual or morality.

But Halil, this other rabbi, said, no, no, no.

A man can divorce his wife for any reason.

Like he even said, you can even divorce your wife if she burns dinner.

Like that's the extent of which a husband could divorce his wife.

Which meant, of course, that men were just divorcing their wives.

And in that society of that time, this left women incredibly vulnerable to a dangerous situation for provision for their lives.

So Jesus' words here, right?

Jesus' words here were incredible protection for women.

These words would have meant everything to a woman.

For husbands to be held to a standard, and then for the woman to be freed with that certificate of divorce upon a legitimate divorce.

Now, here are a few things I learned about divorce this week, doing some research, interesting research.

Um, I think the internet is true, I'm not sure.

But apparently a woman in Japan divorced, true story by the internet, a woman in Japan divorced her husband because he admitted he did not like the movie Frozen.

Because she concluded, uh, maybe for some of you, you like the movie so much you understand that something fundamentally must be wrong with him.

If he can't like Frozen, then fundamentally something's so wrong with him that she divorced him.

True story.

Second one I found very interesting in my research.

In Russia, a man was playing poker.

He lost all his money.

He wanted to keep playing.

So he wages his wife.

Wager his wife.

The opponent wins the hand, wins his wife, but not really.

Let's be honest.

You know, that's not really going on.

But that's kind of what played out.

The wife is so upset, the wife's so upset that the husband bet her that she divorced the husband and then goes and starts to date the guy who won the hand and they get married.

So, internet truth.

Now, I think what's more relevant for us is about 40% of marriages end in divorce.

That's true.

Divorced from like 1960 to 1980 increased, but then it's kind of leveled off and gone down from 1980 till now.

But it's about 40%.

I think even more relevant is what my mentor has been saying to me for years now, for any relationship, marriage and relationships.

What he always says, if the topic of relationships comes up, he just says grace plus time plus tears plus laughter.

Grace plus time plus tears plus laughter.

Right?

Grace is undeserved love, care, and service for one another.

That would be our starting point in a relationship.

Time that we're spending time with each other more than scheduling and Netflix, like more than that.

Like maybe take walks or maybe trips, maybe dinner at The Optimist or Taco Bell.

It doesn't matter which one.

It really doesn't.

And that's important to know.

Early in our marriage, Christian and I's date night, it was$14 at Takaria.

It was tacos and waters.

Because that's all we could do, right?

Like we couldn't find nickels.

Like we couldn't even rub them, we couldn't find them to rub, right?

So if it was$14, that was the big date night.

That's just time.

That's what you're looking for.

It's like, how can we get time?

We can go for a walk.

It doesn't even matter.

We can do do a date at home.

Like the important thing is time.

Getting the time.

And just to be together, and that there's tears, meaning that all the sadness and disappointment that you do feel, like when you're by yourself, but you don't want to admit it in front of somebody else, that you'd be willing to do it with your spouse.

And then that you could laugh, that you play together, that there would be some environments in your life that you're putting yourself in that you can become playful again.

Right?

I mean, there's nothing like laser tag.

Just go play laser tag together.

Something happens, you get in that room.

Has anybody played laser tag recently?

None of you, right?

A few of you.

Yeah?

It changes you.

As soon as you get in the room, everybody is 12 years old.

As soon as you get in that room and you're decked out, like you are 12 again and you are laughing.

You can't believe how into it you are.

You gotta put yourself into some places to laugh.

So we're gonna talk about divorce, but we're always gonna talk about marriage as well.

Point number one is this marriage is a divine institution.

Divorce is a divine concession.

Now that's how John Stott said it.

And I think it's a great way for us to think about it because that's how Jesus is operating in these teachings.

He's operating that marriage is out of Genesis, two becoming one and divine origin.

That is the divine institution.

The divine concession is divorce.

Sexual immorality, Matthew 5 and Matthew 19, or desertion by unbeliefing spouse in 1 Corinthians 7.

Now, some scholars would say desertion also could be any form of abuse.

Because you've left your vows, you've deserted.

Now, our text gets a little technical here, and probably when I read it, you're like, ooh, oh, like what?

Like what's that mean?

How's that work out?

So Jesus says a divorced woman is forced to commit adultery if she remarries.

But here's what's so interesting about this text.

The Greek heirist tense reveals this as her being the victim.

Okay, so the one committing adultery is the victim.

Now that's not usually how we think about this, is it?

Because what we have in that situation, how Jesus is presenting this topic, is we have immorality, you know, something against God's original design and ideal, immorality and compassion in the exact same place.

And this is because divorce is a divine concession upon a divine institution.

The divine institution is still broken, even while there's a divine concession for it.

And then how this plays out, I think, is that a new marriage, while not in agreement with perfect morality, is still a new union.

And it has to go in the grace of God to be healthy and beautiful.

Point number two is this divorce is not the end of anyone's story.

I mean, some of you need to hear that.

It's not an indelible mark of shame.

No matter the circumstances and how you got there and what happened, and no matter it's not the end of a story.

It's not an indelible mark of shame.

We know, many of you know what it felt like when the relationship broke up and the divorce happened because it felt like the scoreboard on your worth and your ability to hold a relationship went to like negative a million.

Like you looked up the scoreboard, you're like, negative a million?

I didn't even know I could feel that way when it came to my worth and my relationship ability.

But he who knew no sin became sin that we might become the righteousness of God.

We are not defined by our failures.

And we're also not righteous because of our self-righteousness.

We are righteous because we are righteous because Jesus is righteous for us.

So our active wounds that, of course, nobody gets out of divorce free.

Like nobody's getting out of it free.

Everybody gets out of it burned.

But active wounds can become sacred wounds in time.

And it's not an indelible mark of shame.

Okay, Jesus takes us deeper.

Verse 33.

So if you're feeling like hot stuff, like you know, like I haven't been divorced, I ain't gonna get divorced.

Like you're feeling real hot about yourself.

All right, here Jesus keeps on with you.

Here he comes.

Again, you have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.

But I say to you, do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by earth, for it is the footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king.

And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black.

Let what you say be simply yes or no.

Anything more than this comes from evil.

Point number three is this growing in grace is becoming people of integrity of word.

Let your yes be yes, let your no be no, let it be that simple, let it be that true.

Jesus is guiding us.

We should live this way.

This is how we should be growing.

People only have to take oaths.

This is Jesus' point.

People only have to swear and take oaths, and I swear by the Lord and God Almighty, and my grandmother's grave.

You only have to do that if you have no strength of word.

Right?

If you can't just let your yes be yes, that's when you got to add on all this other stuff to get somebody to believe you.

Jesus said, don't become like that.

Just be have enough integrity that you can just say, yes, I'll be there.

Yes, I'll do that.

Right?

I mean, we all know what it feels like when you promised your friend that you would help him do his taxes on Tuesday night.

And then Tuesday night comes and the afternoon comes as a rainy day, and the rain picked up, and it's kind of cold outside, and it's rainy, and you get home, and then you're sweet, somebody comes home with some red wine and Papa John's, and you can't wait to watch The Bachelor and all this, and the rain's getting heavier outside.

Looks really bad out there, really bad.

Not sure if you should go.

Now you know your friend has been waiting to get this finished, get their taxes finished, and you know how to do it, and you can step in in an hour and a half, you can go over there and do this for them.

And you said you would be there.

They've been gathering their papers.

He texted you early in the day.

Can't wait.

Thanks so much.

I got everything ready, but you have red wine, Papa John's, The Bachelor, your sweet person, snuggle blanket.

I mean, you're ready to settle in, then here's the moment, right?

We know this moment because it's not April 12th.

It's like March 5th, right?

Like, so we're not under the gun yet with taxes, okay?

So you could push it.

You could push it.

And we know how easy it is just to go, like, hey, looks really bad outside.

Like you've never driven in the rain before.

We know what that feels like, right?

We know what it feels like.

Just kind of like wiggle out of things, just wiggle a little bit, like with your friend, with the thing, with the commitment.

Stretch the truth a little bit.

And Jesus is saying, like, what can you?

Maybe divorce, okay, maybe you're doing okay there, but just let's just talk about yes, be yes, and no, be no.

And so Jesus guides us of how the kind of people we should be, and at the same time, it really breaks us, really reveals in us how often we wiggle out of things.

Verse 38.

You have heard that it was said, an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth, but I say to you, do not resist the one who is evil.

But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

But if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak also.

And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles, give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.

Point number four is this As we are affirmed and secure in Christ, we can extend compassion against reason.

So when I read this passage this week, I thought about this was a toy that my my gramps had, Newton's cradle.

You know Newton's cradle?

Probably all played with this.

I should have tested this here.

This is my own little Newton's law.

If I can balance that, there we go.

So Newton's cradle.

We know, do you know this toy?

You played with it, right?

Yeah, you played with it.

I heard that kid.

Right?

Just back and forth.

He says something, you say something.

He says something, you say something.

She does something, you do something.

Right?

Right back and forth, back and forth.

That's the cycle.

That's the cycle until.

Right?

Until you break the cycle and it stops.

Because he says something and you don't say anything.

Right?

She does something, but you don't do anything.

You break the cycle.

Your identity is not needing retribution to be of worth.

We can disconnect.

We know cycles.

Because you're parenting and you switched your daughter from tennis to gymnastics in the middle of the season, and people just couldn't couldn't believe it.

The middle of the season.

Couldn't believe it.

Did you hear?

And you're gonna make sure they hear the whole story.

They don't know the whole story, you're gonna make sure they get the whole story, and they're gonna get a lot more, right?

Right?

But you can't believe they're talking about you.

Or you were left out.

Or you were passed over at work.

And you you deserved it.

You deserve that one.

Or you're forgotten.

Or the person, like the person that you didn't think they would stab you in the back.

Other people, like you had a few marks in your life where you're like, they might do it, you know, but not that person.

And then they did.

And then you're gonna make sure they pay, right?

Maybe aggressively.

Or or maybe passively, you just sort of mark them.

You know what I'm talking about.

You just kind of mark them.

You're like, I'll withdraw over time.

I'll make them pay.

Another way to read Matthew 5.39 is do not respond in kind to those who do evil to you.

Maybe you build boundaries around a relationship.

Maybe you leave because you need to.

But you don't respond in kind.

Here's what Jesus is saying here in this context of this text.

Don't use the biblical call for societal justice for your plan for personal revenge.

We don't use the biblical call for societal justice for our plan for personal revenge.

Because when you do, if you do that, if I do that, it never ends back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

And breaking the cycle is where grace comes in, where you would normally just hand out more judgment.

So Jesus moves us from divorce to our hearts, to the core of our identities.

And this always sounds so good until we're really stung by somebody and we abreact, right?

Like it sounds so good.

You're like, sign me up for that.

That's how I'm gonna live.

Praise God.

That's how I'm the do it, right?

And then we realize Jesus is actually teaching us something that's beyond our ability.

Which is the point.

That's part of his point to guide us and break us at the same time, for us to realize, oh wow, I need help.

Like I need help.

I'm capable to sting people, and I will sting back.

Get me on a bad day, I will sting back.

And for us to come into such security in Jesus' compassion and affirmation of us that we're not threatened when we're wounded.

Like we're hurt.

We're hurt.

Our feelings are hurt, but they can't touch the real you.

Here's the Tim Keller quote that we read in our membership class.

I probably read it, if you've been around here, about every six months.

It has everything to do with the relationship implications of the gospel.

Here it is.

You can remain bitter towards someone only if you feel superior, if you are sure that you would never do anything like that.

To remain unforgiving means you are unaware of your own sinfulness and need for forgiveness.

When Paul says he is the worst among sinners, he's not exaggerating.

He is saying that he is as capable of sin as the worst criminals are.

The gospel has equipped him with emotional humility.

At the same time, you can't be gracious to someone if you are too needy and insecure.

If you know God's love and forgiveness, then there is a limit to how deeply another person can hurt you.

He or she can't touch your real identity, wealth, and significance.

The more you rejoice in your own forgiveness, the quicker you will be to forgive others.

You are rooted in emotional wealth.

You see how the gospel, our identity secure, and Jesus' love for us, it builds out such security and stability for us in the core of our identity that we don't have to depend on revenge and retaliation, passive or aggressive, to feel like we're people of worth.

That we can disconnect from the cycle.

And we can have boundaries if we need to, but we can also extend compassion and forgiveness.

I need this teaching.

Like I need this.

You need this.

We need this.

We need to be shown a better way to love and uphold our yeses and our no's.

I also need it to show me that performance faith faith won't work.

It won't work.

I will die by that.

I need Jesus, who's not just a teacher, but also a savior.

Perfect love to this imperfect self.

By the cross, our sin is fully forgiven, and we are fully righteous.

So you are fully known and you are fully loved.

Now we're secure.

See that?

Now we are secure.

Now we can extend compassion with integrity of heart.

He is the forever yes to you.

He turned the other cheek.

Let's pray together.

God, thank you for your grace and mercy to us that while you teach us about how we should live, you're always extending grace to us.

You're driving us.

You're driving us.

You're driving us to yourself through our need of you.

That our hearts, the motives, our instability and insecurity would be healed in you and your affirmation and acceptance of us.

And all of our failures.

And the world of relationships and the world of motives and the world of dishonety and dishonesty and integrity, that all those failures, that they are not ours to earn our way back into your favor.

But your forgiveness of us is enough.

We are not marked.

We are not marked with indelible shame.

We are people of your perfect and indelible grace to us.

And Jesus is enough for us.

In him we rest and in him we live.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen.