Jacob & Esau: Communicating with Others and Gospel Growth

Well, we are on our final week studying our way through the Jacob and Esau story.

So maybe you've been with us the past two weeks, or it's been three weeks on the story of Jacob and Esau.

If you haven't been with us, I'll catch you up a little bit.

So Esau was hurting, probably rebellious to his family.

He comes in from the fields, and Jacob, his younger brother, manipulates him out of his birthright, the blessing, a double inheritance.

He gets swindled, and part of it's him being rebellious and him hurting, and he hands that over, and part of it's Jacob being manipulative.

But this happens between brothers.

And so then Esau is furious afterward, and Esau threatens to kill his brother Jacob.

So Jacob takes off to Uncle Laban's house, which we talked about last week.

He's away for 20 years.

And then finally, last week, we talked about Jacob coming back home to his homeland, which meant that Jacob was returning home toward his brother Esau, who said, last he knew, wanted to kill him.

And as he's coming back, Esau is barreling toward him with 400 men.

So we think, like last week, we think is it, like for Jacob.

Like he's goner.

Like that this is this is the end of the story.

But then, as we read last week, Esau, he had a heart change.

I mean, he some stuff had happened inside of him in these 20 years because Esau didn't kill him.

Esau embraced him and he fell over him and he wept over him and he kissed him.

And they wept together.

And I leave that text and I think to myself, I mean, these two are gonna live in the same cul-de-sac, right?

Like one's gonna have the trampoline, the other one's gonna have the pool.

They may live off burnt hickory in one of those secret enclaves we all drive by, and you're like, what's back there?

There's six houses.

Who are you, you know, like they're gonna be together, is what's gonna happen.

That's what you think.

Because all this love and forgiveness, their weeping, they're kissing, all this, family restoration, this is happily ever after.

Because we expect Jacob to go with Esau to Seir.

Which is what Jacob led Esau to believe.

But then that's not what he did.

So let's reread part of this text that Josh read, Genesis 33, 12 through 17.

Then Esau said, Let us journey on our way, and I will go ahead of you.

But Jacob said to him, My Lord knows that the children are frail, that the nursing flocks and the herds are a care to me.

If they are driven hard for one day, all the flocks will die.

Let my Lord pass on ahead of his servant.

I will lead on slowly at the pace of the livestock that are ahead of me and at the pace of the children, until I come to my Lord in Seir.

So Esau said, Let me leave with you some of the people who are with me.

But he said, What need is there?

Let me find favor in the sight of my Lord.

So Esau returned that day on his way to Seir.

But Jacob journeyed to Sukkuth and built himself a house and made booths for his livestock.

Therefore the name of the place is called Sukkuth.

So point number one is this forgiveness does not always mean healthy communication and perfect relationships.

Amen?

Right?

I mean, forgiveness sets people free.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing.

It creates the path of restoration, but it doesn't always fix all our relationships.

And you know that because you forgave your cranky Aunt Susie and she's still a pain, right?

Or Aunt Susie forgave you and you're still a pain, right?

And the communication's still off, and the family doesn't always work together.

Like, like forgiveness happened, but it didn't fully fix the relationship.

Now we're not sure why Jacob says to his brother who just wept over him.

Yeah, I'm coming right behind you.

I'm right behind you, brother.

You go ahead, I'm right behind you.

And then he goes in the other direction.

Now, Esau did go to land that was not the land God intended for them.

And Jacob went toward land that was the land God intended for them.

So many people think, well, Jacob was being upright.

Which may be true in terms of where he settled, but it doesn't change the fact that he was not upright to mislead his brother.

Right?

I mean, when I read this, I think it could have been easier just to say, brother, I'm so sorry.

I can't come.

I can't go live there.

I have to live in this other place.

I know I said I would come.

I gotta, I have to settle on the land God instructed me to live in.

I love you.

I'll see you at 30 A at spring break.

I mean, this is what he could have said.

Like, I'll see you on vacation.

But I can't live.

I can't live there.

He could have said that, but he didn't.

So he has some communication issues, Jacob.

There's still something going on in him that's not fully resolved.

And we don't know all that in this story, but we sense it.

Counselor and author Dan Allender, he wrote a book entitled Communication.

Here are a few summary points on communication.

I think we can get something out of.

I think Jacob could have used this book back in ancient times.

Number one is this your words have power to hurt or heal.

Proverbs 18, 21, 15.1, Proverbs 12, 18.

Your words have power to hurt or heal.

We could see how these words of Jacob would have been very hurtful to Esau after Jacob never showed up.

Like, oh, my brother's manipulating me again.

Some of you remember the thing that was never said to you that should have been said.

Some of you remember things that were said to you, like back in 10th grade, you're 14 years old or 16 years old or you're nine years old, and you can remember that.

You remember it.

It got lodged in you somewhere.

And you think it's gone, right?

Most of us, we're getting older, you think it's gone, and then you're driving down the road, you're listening to Counting Crows, and all of a sudden just like boom, it hits you, right?

Like something takes you back to that somehow, and it hits you like it was just spoken.

Words have power.

Now, the other side of this, the good news is just as powerful words can be hurtful, powerful words can be healing.

Friday night, our family watched very profound 1993 John Candy movie Cool Runnings.

Oh.

Am I okay?

We don't know.

We'll figure we will figure that out during the week.

So John Candy, back to John Candy.

Which, by the way, last night on TV, at the same time, the Great Outdoors and Uncle Buck were on at the same time.

So just some of you.

Some of you know that's a big deal.

Most of you, you don't care.

But here's what John Candy said.

This is John Candy Wisdom.

Um, powerful words, healing words spoken in cool runnings, right?

I'm watching it thinking, I'm getting, you know, what's going to come out of this?

When you're watching cool runnings with your family, you're thinking, what's coming out of this?

You know, but he said to his very ambitious, overly ambitious driver of the bobsled, he says this.

He says, a gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you are not enough without it, you won't be enough with it.

You're like, oof, come on, come on, cool runnings.

That's some good cool runnings.

Right?

Words have power.

He set he set that guy free with those words.

Words have power.

Number two, there is a time to be quiet and a time to speak up.

Proverbs 10, 19, Proverbs 16, 23.

Healthy communication knows both.

A lot of us, we know how to be quiet or we know how to speak up.

But healthy communication knows both of these.

Number three, we need to grow in the art of listening and reflecting.

Proverbs 29, 20.

It's taken me 17 years of marriage, 20 years in the ministry to realize the most powerful thing I can do if I'm with you, and I don't do it a lot because some of you have been with me, and I can't wait to talk.

The most powerful thing I can actually do is listen.

Most of us just want to be listened to.

We just need to get it out a little bit.

Like just talk something out.

Get it out.

Number four.

We should pray as we prepare to communicate with people.

1 Corinthians 7, 3 through 6, Romans 8, 22 and 23, and 26 and 27.

My friend David, pastor at Stonebridge Church, when I have lunch with him, a lot of times, not always, but a lot of times, he'll show up in the lunch meeting, he'll say something like, I was praying on the way here, and I wonder, and then he'll like ask me a question.

I'm like, wow.

Like, because on the way there, I was like thinking about a John Candy movie or just anxious about something.

And like, wow, he was praying like for our conversation on his way here, and he shows up into that conversation, like ready with a question or something.

It's like, man, I want to be like him.

Like when I grow up, like as a pastor, when I grow up, I'm gonna be like David Eldridge.

It's amazing.

To pray as we go into communication with people.

So Jacob and Esau, these two brothers, they settle in two different lands.

Esau and his people become the nation of Edom.

Jacob and his people become the nation of Israel, of which the Messiah, Jesus, comes out of that nation, of which Jesus saves all the nations.

Here's what's interesting.

Over time, the Bible blasts Edom.

Just blasts Edom.

I mean, Edom is hated.

Edom becomes almost a representation of evil throughout the texts of the Old Testament.

I know you've been reading the book of Obadiah a lot in verses 10 through 12 in Obadiah.

You didn't know it was a book.

I actually forgot it was a book until this week.

And I was like, that is a book of the Bible.

The prophet actually says that shame shall come over them, and they will be cut off forever.

Ooh.

But tucked away in the book of Deuteronomy, another Old Testament book, there's a few hints of God's special concern for these people, these people of Edom, Esau's people.

Deuteronomy 2, 5.

So the people of Israel are traveling around out in the wilderness, and the Lord speaks to people, says this, do not contend with them, for I will not give you any of their land, talking about Edom.

No, not so much as for the sole of the foot to tread on, because I have given Mount Seir to Esau as a possession.

So this is kind of like for Bible study nerds.

Like some of you are like, eh, who cares?

But like you're like me, you're like, you can nerd out on this stuff.

It's real interesting because there's this concern God has for Esau and Edom, and then the Bible goes and blasts Edom, right?

You're like, what, like, how's this work itself out?

There's two kind of Bible nerd out points with this, and it's this.

Number one is this Esau's name becomes synonymous with the generations who followed him.

Okay, so sometimes if we read Esau's name in the Old Testament, sometimes it's talking about Esau the person, but sometimes it could be talking about Esau's people.

So it's not necessarily Esau the person and who he was.

It could be Esau's people.

Number two is this the people who followed Esau didn't follow the heart of Esau.

Right?

So we could read about Esau or read about Edom.

It's not necessarily talking about the person Esau was in the latter years of his life.

And here's our second point.

Point number two is this.

Your children are not the final word on your worth and identity.

Right?

If your kids are good and respectable and they dress right, well then you feel good.

Or like maybe even a good Christian or whole or centered.

But if your kid's a lousy kid, like just kind of, eh, like, you know, like we see the kid and you're like, ooh, what's going on?

Yeah.

Like.

And maybe they're horrible at sports and singing, like both.

Like they're just not finding, they're not finding, and they they dress weird, and you found dope in their car, like you did.

You hadn't told anybody yet, but you did.

And you found a pregnancy test in their bathroom.

You hadn't told anybody that either, but you did.

Or they can't hold down a job.

They grow up, they can't hold down a job.

Or a relationship.

And all of a sudden, what does that mean about you?

Are you the summation of your children's behavior?

Or are you something more secure?

Are you the summation of your good or average or horrible parenting?

Is that who you are?

Or are you something more secure?

Now we need parenting wisdom.

This fits in really well for next Sunday night at 6.30 commercial.

Like this is a pastoral convenience here, right?

To come back for that workshop shop because we need parenting wisdom.

We want to be good parents.

We want to parent well.

But parenting and the generations that follow us is not the final word on who we are.

So we should be moving toward greater compassion toward each other as we all parent.

We should be growing more secure in our own identity, even apart from any of the roles we play in our lives.

And as we raise our kids, we're freeing our kids.

And it's going to be a journey.

My kids aren't going to look like your kids, your kids aren't going to look like my kids, the kids aren't going to look like each other, right?

I mean, we're freeing them.

It's going to be challenging.

But none of it's a final word about you and your heart.

So come to the parent workshop next evening, next Sunday evening at 6 30.

All right, now back to Jacob.

Jacob very apparently lacks some maturity.

Right?

He misleads his brother.

So he's manipulative in some way here.

So Jacob experienced this grace from Esau.

What an incredible moment that was we looked at last week, where Esau, we think Esau's going to kill him, and he just embraces him and weeps over him, kisses him.

I mean, unbelievable, but still Jacob is lacking this maturity.

He's still in a process of coming alive to God's grace.

Coming alive to how good grace is.

And this gives us our point number three.

In Christ, we are both secure in God's love and we're growing in God's love.

One morning this week, I woke up kind of frantic, just kind of woke up frantic with everything I wanted and everything I wanted to do, right?

Like those are my two checklists.

Like everything I want in life, and if I can get all this, and then everything I want to do today, I need to do, and if I get all this done and check all this off, like that's gonna that's gonna really make me feel secure.

And then I received a text from a friend in a text group I'm a part of, and it said, Zephaniah 3.17.

This verse keeps showing back up into my life.

Zephaniah 3.17.

He will quiet you when you finish your checklist and have everything you want.

No, right?

No.

It doesn't work, does it?

We keep trying, it just makes us more frantic.

No, the verse says, He will quiet you with his love.

And then my friend texted, his love settles and centers you.

That's what I needed.

Like even focusing on my growth won't do this.

That's like a spiritual navel gazing, bent in on yourself.

I need to be quieted by his love.

Then in that love, something happens to me, right?

Like when I'm secure in that love, then the Holy Spirit inside of me begins to do something to me.

All of a sudden, love is generated back toward God, love is generated toward other people.

So just a couple pastoral reminders of what it even means to become alive to grace.

What it means to mature, what it means to grow.

What we wish Jacob had had.

Number one, gospel growth is a deepening into your secure belovedness in Christ.

That's what it is.

You have belovedness in Christ as a free gift.

Gospel growth and maturity is a deepening into that which is already given to you.

What that means is the gospel rides this guilt and shame paradigm and replaces it with love.

So what it means is you're more astonished with God's grace to you than you are ashamed of your failures or weaknesses.

Titus 2 teaches us by grace we are saved, but then also grace teaches us to say no to ungodliness.

So grace is the way into relationship with God, and grace is the way in which we grow.

Number two, gospel growth is a desire to linger longer in the Word and God's presence.

Now you could so quickly hear that as, oh, so I need to do A, B, and C this week in order to be.

No, no, that's not what it is.

This is not for you to be a perfect Christian.

This is because you have already been perfectly loved.

Quiet moments with the Lord are welcomed, not obligated.

The evangelical church has made a huge movement in, say, the last 30 to 50 years of quiet times and devotionals.

Mainline Christians, the sacraments meant everything.

Well, let's have both.

Why can't we have both?

Right?

And why can't they mean something?

They don't have to be obligation.

They be something that we're welcomed into.

I don't like to get too prescriptive on it because I have a wife that wakes up very early, sits by the fire, reads her Bible, devotional book, journals, prays for our children.

I wake up two hours later.

Right?

I could beat myself up over that if I was in a comparison of spiritual disciplines.

My spiritual practice just looks different than hers, and hers looks different than mine.

But we have to work it out as we're just trying to move toward a pace of grace, being more astonished of God's grace, than I am putting myself to work in my spiritual practices.

We're moving away from frantic and into peace and presence.

I like to think about it in terms of luxurious moments and limited moments.

Like luxurious moments is the retreat, right?

You're away from the world, you have all this time, this is amazing.

It's so luxurious, right?

You're by a pool.

And you have a brand new devotional book or a book somebody gave you, and you're by a pool, and you got yourself a little drink, and the sun is shining, and your children are with grandma or whatever.

Like, and this can't get better.

And the Lord is speaking to you, and it's so good, and you're underlining, and you're like, oh, you're laying there, then you nap, and then you wake back up, you read more.

It's just so luxurious.

It's like a long walk in the woods, and you don't have anywhere to be.

There's no like cap on the end of it, right?

Like, we love luxurious moments.

Like these are good, but there's also a whole bunch of limited moments.

And those limited moments are like you're doing the dishes and you just put your airpods in and listen to worship music.

So you can't hear anybody else.

Or you just get to worship.

You drive to work with a teaching podcast on.

You get to your lunch appointment 10 minutes early and sit in your car, and you don't scroll your phone because you keep a devotional book in your glove box and you pull it out, and for 10 minutes, you read it.

And you don't read the devotion on your phone.

No, it's like an actual paper book, right?

It's not gonna distract you, you're not gonna jump to anything else.

Like a real book, paper, they make these.

Have you seen them?

Have you seen them?

They open and amazing things.

And we're very imperfectly, we're beginning to realize we were made to rest and enjoy God's presence, not rush through all of our days.

This week I was thinking about I don't know what it is.

It scares me worse because I think the noise is up here.

Something may come out, I'm not sure.

This week I was thinking about Jacob.

He manipulated his brother three times.

Right?

Three times.

First for the birthright.

Second, he he tried to bribe him.

And then third, he lies to him.

Three times.

It reminded me of Peter in the New Testament, right?

Jesus dies three times.

Peter's asked, hey, your follower of Jesus?

Your follower of Jesus?

Your followers like, no, no, no, no, not me.

Just just doubt, just failure, weakness.

And right after Jesus has died and resurrects, to die for the very sin and failure that Peter exhibits, right?

Jesus takes on all that sin and mistake and failure and gives righteousness to us.

And Jesus seeks out Peter.

And he just simply asks him, Do you love me?

Do you love me?

And three times, do you love me?

And three times Peter says, Yes, you know I do, yes, yeah.

And see, Jesus is just drawing Peter back to the main point, which is which is love.

I love you.

I died for you for all this failure and sin, and probably at this point he's feeling a lot of shame.

Do you love me?

Because if this is true, if you can understand that I'm pursuing you and finding you and I love you, and you love me, this changes everything, and we can move forward.

See, Jesus's pursuing love creates Peter's love.

And in that pursuing redeeming love of Christ, Peter is quieted, and Peter goes on to be this just incredible, brave leader.

It's an image for us of resting in God's pursuit of us.

Christ's love for us.

That we might know gospel growth.

Let's pray together.

God, thank you that your grace is enough.

That you quiet us with your love.

You call us to greater and greater communication of honesty to grow in that.

And at the same time that we're fully loved in you and all our lack of it.

Help us to be more enamored by your love for us than our work for you, more enamored by your love for us than any of our guilt or any of our shame.

I pray this in Jesus' name.

Amen.