Colossians: Speaking Winsome Words for the People Around Us

Well, we made it.

We are in our last Sunday of the book of Colossians, which we've been studying through this fall.

Our text this morning is what Stacy just read for us, Colossians 4, 5 and 6.

And Paul says for us to walk in wisdom in front of outsiders.

So to walk in wisdom in front of those who don't know Jesus.

So that's just to say, when you're with people, be with that person, which is incredibly, incredibly hard to do.

This week, two words kept coming back to me as I reread these two verses, and that was wisdom and winsomeness.

Wisdom and winsomeness.

So let's talk about the wisdom to use our time wisely with people, and then the winsomeness with our words.

Verse 6 Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Point number one is this our words are means of preservation to needy hearts.

So in the ancient world, salt was a preservative.

It preserved good things from rotting or decaying.

Salt was the refrigerator of ancient times.

And so Paul is saying for us to be refrigerators, which is not flattering.

So maybe you just need to be like a European refrigerator if that makes you feel better.

But that's what we're called to be.

We're called to be refrigerators, preservatives.

Now imagine that you bought two cartons of strawberries on Monday.

And you got home and you took one carton of strawberries and you put it outside on the back deck in the sunshine.

You took the other carton of strawberries and you went in the kitchen and you put it in the fridge.

Now I imagine you come back on Friday.

The carton out on the deck would probably look something like this.

I don't know, something, right?

Or worse.

And then the carton from the refrigerator would look something like this, right?

And the difference there is preservation.

One has been preserved.

And Paul is saying, it's incredibly empowering to us.

Paul is saying that you have that power.

You actually have in you, by your words, the ability to be a force of preservation in people's hearts and lives.

Maybe you remember in James 3, 4, and 5, James's words about our words.

Look at the ships also.

Though they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are guided by a very small rudder, wherever the will of the pilot directs.

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.

So when we study this passage last year, I told you about the Gerald R.

Ford aircraft carrier, 1,106 feet long.

It's the longest, largest aircraft carrier in the world.

I love aircraft carriers.

I love fighter jets.

Have you ever been on the beach down in Florida and a fighter jet flies over?

I mean, it's like, let's let's pay some taxes.

Like I will.

That's when I'm ready to write a check.

It's the only time I'm ready to write a check, is when I see a fighter jet or aircraft carrier, and you're like, yes, let's let's let's build some stuff like that.

Like I'm excited about that.

Anyways, maybe you're not, I don't know.

But it's a massive ship.

Massive.

The length of three football fields.

And it sails around the world by a rudder.

Here's an aircraft carrier rudder.

Which is really large.

I mean, that's a grown man right there.

And he's just like, Russ, you're destroying your metaphor.

The rudder is large.

But the point is that rudder is.03, the length of that ship.

It is tiny.

And James is saying, your words seem small.

Your words seem small.

But they have enormous power over your life, and they have enormous power into other people's lives.

Go back to Colossians.

Paul is saying the words that come out of your mouth are not just words.

They are powerful forces that shape hearts and lives.

Paul is saying that those of us who have been saved out of darkness know Jesus, are known by Jesus, and live for Jesus, we're called to speak words of truth and grace about Jesus to other people.

Back to verse 6 again.

Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Ligonier Resources says this about this verse.

Now hang with me.

There's a couple paragraphs I'm going to read, but it's just such a good summary of what this verse means.

The Greek words that are behind speech, gracious and salt, are used together in the first century literature to refer to speech that is gracious and attractive.

Winsome.

Even witty words that are also spoken in a humble manner.

In other words, the apostle wants the presentation of the gospel to the outside world done in a manner that captures the gospel's excitement and that is able to answer the unbelievers' legitimate questions.

The idea is similar to that found in 1 Peter 3.15, which commends gentle speech that respectfully presents and defends the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The goal is not to try too hard to be funny or to speak or act in a manner that is not true to one's personality.

Instead, our goal should be that we understand the gospel and its implications so well that we do not come off unnecessarily as killjoys.

Our life and speech should be such that people can see the freedom that Jesus brings and get a glimpse of what it really means to have new life in Christ.

So it's to say, Christians, we shouldn't be these boring, burdened people.

Like that's not the that's not the story.

Like if that's your story, then you're not tapped into the gospel and the implications of the gospel.

Because this is a story about increased freedom and increased joy as we have our forgiveness and righteousness already settled in Jesus.

Point number two is this our words can reveal the joy and freedom we have in Jesus.

That you have that power.

Fifteen years ago, I traveled with an older pastor, he's about 30 years older than me, and we went to a conference in Boston.

And so James is the name of the pastor, and James and I, that first evening, we're on the subway in Boston.

James is incredibly disarming, he's very extroverted, much more than me, and he's incredibly gracious, much more than I am.

And so I'm just like watching him and how he interacts with people.

That first evening we sit on the subway.

Now, when I sit down on the subway, I my plan is to talk to no one.

That's my plan.

And hopefully make eye contact with nobody and hopefully not touch anybody.

Like that's all my goals.

Just stay in my ear.

So, but I sit down, James sits next to me.

A lady sits next to James and she sits down, she has a couple bags, like she's been out all day.

And James just leans over to her very kindly and he says, It looks like you have a lot going on.

What have you been doing today?

And she says, Well, you know, I came from one job and I'm headed to another job.

And he says, Oh my gosh, that sounds really hard.

That sounds like a really full, tough day.

And she says, Yeah, it is.

You know, it's been a tough day.

We just have to work two jobs.

And she had an accent.

He said, Oh, I recognize an accent.

Where are you from?

And she said, I'm from Haiti.

This was right after a horrible earthquake had hit Haiti.

And James says, Oh my gosh, that's, you know, like, are you you have friends and family there?

You know, and out it comes.

Like, like she hadn't spoken a word of any of this to anybody.

And out she just begins to pour her concern for her friends and family that she's barely getting word that they're okay.

And he just sits there and he listens to her and listens to her, and then our stop comes, and the timing actually worked out pretty good as her story starting to trail off.

And he gets up, we get up to get off, he gets up and he pulls out his wallet and he opens it up and he reaches in, he grabs all the cash in his wallet.

It's back when we carried cash.

Do you remember the cash?

It's rectangles, paper.

They're paper rectangles, and you can use them for exchange of goods.

So he pulls all his cash out of his wallet and he hands it to her.

And he said, Can you please get some of this to your family?

And we will you tell them that Jesus loves them.

And we walk off the subway, we get like three steps off the subway, and he looks at me and he says, Russ, do you have any cash?

I don't have any cash.

So two days later, we're on the plane coming home.

And now when I get on a plane, I mean the air pods are in before the rear hits the seat.

I'm zoned in.

I got my tech organizer with all my chords, and I'm getting, you know, I'm in this zone.

My wife tries to talk to him.

I can't hear you.

I'm sorry.

I'm in my zone.

See, I have my plan and my zone, but he sits down and he's much more gracious than I am.

He actually's thinking about other people, which is an amazing concept.

I'm slowly learning about.

And so a lady sits next to him, and he just sort of says, Hey, how are you?

And she says, Good.

And he can tell, like she's one of the people, not like me, who's willing to talk.

And he says, Where are you going?

And she says, Oh, you know, I'm headed wherever.

And he says, Oh, that's good, that's great.

You have kids?

Oh, yeah, I got two kids.

It turns out so she says, I got two kids, and uh, two kids with my boyfriend, and we live together and we've been together for 15 years.

And she and he says, Oh, do you have any church background?

And she says, Ah, you know, I used to, and and then finally she just says, I'm too ashamed to go back to church.

And he says, you know, I I'm sorry if you have a church background where you feel that way, but I don't think you need to feel that way.

And he tells her how much Jesus loves her and how much Jesus has loved him and all of his sin and the problems and issues.

Um and then he looks at her after, you know, at this point I have the headphone out and I'm listening along, and he looks at her and he says, and you know, um I think you should marry him.

And she just kind of nods.

And he goes, it would it would really honor God and it would bring a lot of security to your children.

And she said, Yeah, I've never thought about it that way.

And they have this another lengthy conversation about marriage.

But for me, it was like a lesson in how do you speak winsomely about Jesus' love and grace and truth and even distribute a tough truth.

But she never felt condemned because he had already established that he cared for her.

Right?

And that's what he's really good at.

And when he is when he's doing this Colossians 4, 6, as a Christian, and see, I have to tell his story.

I can't tell my stories because I I'm I'm still learning this.

To be winsome is to be warm and welcoming and appealing, to be using words about the gospel that are that are true for it and what it's done in our lives.

Here's what I've noticed that he does, and I've seen other people do this people who are really good at using their words with outsiders.

The word would be evangelism, talking about Jesus to other people.

The first thing they do is they listen.

I once heard that most people can't even tell the difference between being loved and being listened to.

Because the two, the experience of the two are so close together.

That's the power of just somebody actively, compassionately listening to you, that you feel loved.

Now, my problem with that is I have my plan.

I have my plan for the next 30 minutes, I can tell you my plan for the next three hours, for the next day, I can tell you my plan for the week, for the month, for the year.

I have a plan, I have a plan for your life, I have a plan for my life, I have a plan.

And my wife keeps teaching me people over plans, which I just hate.

Because I love, I'm just self-oriented that way that I have my plan.

Then some of you, even that are people-oriented, you have your plan for what you want to say.

And they're talking, but you're already thinking about what you're gonna say, right?

It's not active listening.

So we actively listen, we seek to understand their point of view.

We actually care enough to know what is their point of view on this thing, what's their point of view on this issue?

It's not just you getting to spout out what you think.

And then third, we respond with our own depravity in view.

Yeah, I know Jesus and I know truth, but I'm no better than you.

When we come with that sort of humbleness, all of a sudden people want to talk a little bit more.

Number four, we have an answer for why Jesus brings you joy and freedom.

That we have enough, we've learned enough.

That we have an answer for what Jesus gives to people, what he's given to you, what the implications are of Jesus in your life.

And then fifth, we try to speak gracious words of truth that honor Jesus.

And we just try.

I mean, some of us are so scared to get in a conversation about Jesus, but we're scared we're not gonna have an answer.

But we're just trying.

It's a journey.

We're not gonna be perfect at it.

And this last phrase is a little bothersome because it says Colossians 4.6, this last phrase, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

That feels overwhelming.

Like that feel like it's like every, like I'm gonna have an answer for everyone.

And I think we need to have some good theology when we approach this phrase.

And point number three is this we are not called to convert anyone, we are called to be winsome to those around us.

Now, let me clarify that.

We should have an answer for everyone.

That's what Paul's saying.

But it doesn't mean that you're you're gonna have every answer to every question.

Now, you do have an answer for everyone, by the way.

And we we're equipping you as a church extremely well because we say it every week.

The thing that we see every week, that sentence, is the gospel, it's the story of what Jesus has done in your life.

That you're more sinful than you originally thought, that you're discovering that.

And yet, God has loved you more than you'd ever dream in Jesus.

That's the story in a sentence.

Now, learning all those implications starts to educate us and equip us to be able to speak to people.

But it's okay to not know an answer.

This happens to me all the time.

Somebody asks me a question, and I'll go, that is a phenomenal question.

I have no idea.

Can I circle back with you?

There's nothing wrong with that.

There's nothing wrong to say, what?

That's a phenomenal question.

You know, I I remember knowing that at some point, but I have I have no memory of what the answer is.

Can I circle back to you?

It's okay.

So we shouldn't be scared to go into conversations with people because if we don't know the answer, we know the answer of what Jesus means.

But we might get into all sorts of theological, philosophical questions, and that's totally fine.

Let's entertain those, let's be equipped for those.

But you might not be equipped in that very moment.

And you can always say, hey, great question.

Like, can I circle back?

Let's get coffee again, let's keep the conversation going.

And what we rest in is we rest in that we don't convert people.

Their eternity is not on your hands.

God pursues, God draws, God converts people, not us.

That's in Acts 4, Ephesians 2, Romans 8.

God does all the saving.

We do not cause anything, but we do participate.

And we're called to participate.

That God works through us, and he even works beyond us.

And we get to love people, and we get to speak about Jesus to people and participate in God's saving of people.

Point number four is this our words of love are empowered by God's word of love to us.

Remember the Colossian structure we keep revisiting?

The Colossian structure is that Colossians 1 and 2 lead into 3 and 4.

You know, I got that.

1, 2, 3, 4.

1 and 2 are all the indicatives, what's been indicated to us in Jesus, all the promises.

You are lavishly forgiven, you are lavishly righteous, you are lavishly worthy, all because of Jesus, no work you do, his work for you.

One and two is over and over.

Promise, promise, promise, promise.

And then chapter 3 is like, and by the way, now here's how you should live.

And the reason why it's structured that way is because Paul is teaching us something very particular that has to do with our relationships and our marriages and our parenting and our work life and our everyday life and our words, our the words we speak.

And he's teaching us that we are beloved sons and daughters of the Heavenly Father before we are our roles and our practices.

Meaning, how we should live is fueled by what is already true about us.

So there's no guilt on you or condemnation on you.

There's grace on you that fuels gracious words.

The word of relief in Jesus precedes how we live for Jesus.

The word of love to us fuels words of love through us.

Proverbs 16, 24 says this gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul, and health to the body.

Last week, Christy showed up at our house with the Trader Joe's peanut butter cups.

Do you know these?

These, oh, oh my gosh.

And I have been, I've talked about before my deep love for the Reese's dark chocolate fins, and I put them in the fridge.

Does anybody else do this?

I put them in the fridge, walk by 10 times a day.

Well, these showed up, and I had one.

I was like, oof, that's good.

Two, three, after breakfast, after lunch, the crate just gets lower and lower and lower.

They're gone.

They're amazing.

I can't get enough, right?

And words are like that.

It's the sweet thing that you love that you can't resist.

I don't know what your sweet thing is: a brownie, a cookie, a piece of cake.

The thing that you love, you can't, oh, that piece of pound cake from Nana.

It was so good.

It's so good.

And I have one, but it's not enough.

I need another one.

That's what winsome words are.

Honeycomb, sweetness to the soul.

We just can't get enough.

And it's also the power of words.

Isn't that wild?

You have that.

And that you carry that around all the time.

That possibility of what you could do in somebody's life.

That you have the power to speak, a winsome, warm, welcoming word to them, an encouraging word to them that could change the trajectory of their life.

And that we have that power, that ability, that tool with us all the time.

Now that's also overwhelming.

Because we don't do it.

On one side, it's encouraging, right?

It's the call and it's encouraging.

It's like, that's amazing.

I got all this power.

And on the other side is like, oh gosh, I'm a really horrible human being because I walk around with that power and I never use it.

I'm just selfish and I don't even talk to people.

I don't even care.

And that's why it's so important to know the gospel and to remember the structure of Colossians.

We don't get to Colossians 4 without going through Colossians 1 and 2.

We don't get to how we should live without already having been through everything we already are in Jesus.

And Paul finishes his letter with some greetings to friends and a closing word, and then he compasses the whole letter with a phrase.

Grace be with you.

This letter's bookend.

At the end he says, Grace be with you.

At the beginning, he says, Grace and peace to you.

So he begins and ends most of his letters like this.

It's very clear what Paul's communicating.

He's saying, I'm going to give you lots of ways you should live, but at the beginning and the end of this has to be grace.

Has to be God's unconditional love to you, apart from any of your work or how well you use your words.

Because even how you use your words fueled by that.

In Jesus, we have all the absolution and love we need.

You do.

Even when you do not speak those words of grace and truth and love.

And that's actually the very thing that helps us speak words of grace and truth.

Now perhaps you're here and you have a question about that, or maybe you have a spiritual question or a question about something else after the service, I'll be down front, and I would love to talk to you and hopefully, hopefully listen to you as well.

Let's pray together.

Heavenly Father, thank you for your grace to us, that you know us and you love us.

Father, none of us are perfect at using our words in encouraging ways that are winsome to outsiders or even loving, encouraging to our family or to other Christians.

And for that, we are all the more in need of Jesus' forgiveness.

Thank you that you love us despite our resume of our words.

And thank you that your word to us is our ultimate definition.

That we are fully known and we are fully forgiven and we are fully righteous.

Help us to rest all the more in your sufficiency for us.

In Christ's name we pray.

Amen.