Ephesians: Emotional Wealth for Peace With Others

Well, good morning.

We are studying our way through the book of Ephesians.

Today we're in chapter four, and here's what we've said to catch you up if you haven't been with us.

Here's what we've been saying the past few weeks.

The main point of Ephesians is what God has done for us in Christ and how we should live in light of it.

And that's exactly how Paul writes the book.

This is how he writes the book of Ephesians.

What God has done for us in Christ, chapters one through three, and then he moves out of the interposition that we have with Jesus in our hearts, everything he's done for us, all the forgiveness, all the righteousness, nothing for us to add, chapters one through three, and then says, okay, now how might we live?

How should we live in light of it?

Four through six.

And we said this we can only live out chapters four through six as we live through chapters one through three.

If we confuse this order, we're confusing our own self with God's empowerment of us.

We're confusing God's grace with our behavior.

And then what happens is at the seasons, the time, the day that you are feeling pretty successful.

You did a pretty good Christian to-do list and you check those things off, and then you feel self-righteous and you feel judgmental to others.

Because you have your act together, why can't you get your act together?

Now, there's also a swing to that because then inevitably you don't live up to those standards and you fail, which is why we need God's grace.

But when you're not living out of God's grace, you live in despair and you're your failure.

And both ways are incredibly weary as Christians.

But Paul's saying this through the very structure of Ephesians, Paul is saying our walk with Jesus is not for God's love.

Our walk with Jesus is from God's love.

Which means that I'm free to gaze more on Jesus than my performance.

I'm free to thank God when I live well, and I'm free to confess when I fail.

So let's look at Ephesians 4, 1 through 3.

I therefore, because of everything I've written already, chapters 1 through 3, everything we have in Jesus, Jesus plus nothing equals everything for me, because of that, a prisoner for the Lord urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace.

So the first thing Paul mentions coming out of rooting us in Jesus, and he says, Hey, let's talk about your behavior now.

The first thing he talks about is loving each other.

Point number one is this we walk in love toward others because Jesus already loves us.

We could say we live worthy of the calling, not to earn God's love, but to show God's love.

I saw this image this week, and it felt like Ephesians to me.

Water pouring into a glass, and that water is coming from outside of us, and it's filling up a glass.

Right?

Jesus to us from outside of us, nothing I did, nothing I do, nothing to earn it, nothing to prove it, I don't want to pay it back.

It's just one way God's love to us, apart from ourselves, outside of us, being poured into my heart, my inner self.

And then as I grow aware of that reality, the fullness of God's love for me in Jesus, for my forgiveness, for my righteousness, for my worth, for my justification, for my emotional stability, outflows love to others.

We begin to overflow from the heart into behavior.

There's an overflow.

Well, what does that overflow look like?

Verse 2 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the spirit and the bond of peace.

Do you remember that movie, Meet the Parents?

I can still remember the first time I saw it.

Robert De Nira, Ben Stiller, painfully funny.

Greg Fokker with an O, be careful saying that name, especially from the pulpit.

An O.

Painfully, painfully awkward, right?

Just conflict after conflict.

Greg, he he goes to visit his girlfriend's parents with her, and Greg is uh he's needy, um, he wants to impress them, he wants to be accepted.

The dad is controlling.

Both have emotional immaturity underneath those issues, and so there's just a cycle begins of conflict, right?

Greg breaks things, he spills food, something with a cat happens, right?

He's just overly needed, the dad's overly controlling, everything is tense.

At one point, Greg finally says, like, like, what, like, I don't know what else you want from me.

Like, have you ever said that in a relationship?

I don't know what else you want from me.

You ever said that in a family?

Every time I see this movie, I've seen it several times.

Every just so incredibly, I'm so uncomfortable with all this conflict.

Like, I don't know if that's how you mean you saw it.

Like, I'm just so uncomfortable with all this, and yet it's so easy for a family, a friendship, a relationship, uh parents to husband to wife, parents to children, uh, to become that kind of just constant conflict.

Like I'm needy and you're controlling, you're I'm controlling and you're needy, and just like conflict and conflict.

So, how do how do we make sure our families, our relationships, friendships, our church, how do we make sure that it's just not another story of strife?

Well, Paul says walk in God's love and the gospel and in humility.

Like live in chapters one through three.

We can't even talk about this kind of life if we haven't already been rooted in to who we are in Jesus, our secure identity as beloved sons and beloved daughters, not because of anything you did, but because of what Jesus already did for us on the cross, which is what gives you security, because you're secured from a love outside of yourself.

Here's what we read in our membership class.

I read this all the time.

I probably read it a few months ago from the pulpit.

Pastor and author Tim Kelly wrote this on peace and relationships.

You can remain bitter towards someone only if you feel superior, if you are sure that you would never do anything like that.

To remain unforgiving means you are unaware of your own sinfulness and need for forgiveness.

When Paul says he is the worst among sinners, he's not exaggerating.

He is saying he is as capable of sin as the worst criminals are.

The gospel has equipped him with emotional humility.

At the same time, you can't be gracious to someone if you're too needy and insecure.

If you know God's love and forgiveness, then there is a limit to how deeply another person can hurt you.

He or she can't touch your real identity, wealth, and significance.

The more you rejoice in your own forgiveness, the quicker you will be to forgive others.

You are rooted in emotional wealth.

Okay, so this word humility in the passage in Ephesians 4, humility means lowliness of mind, the humble recognition of the worth and the value of the other person.

Which I love to do when you agree with me.

Like I love that.

I'm fine.

Worth, value, like you agree with me, you defer to me, you respect me.

Like I love that.

But can I do it when we disagree?

Can I do it if we don't get along?

Can I do it if you're different from me?

Because peace and unity in any relationship requires humility that I'm gonna give you worth and value even if we don't disagree, even if we don't agree, even if we don't get along.

And I'm willing to be gentle toward you.

This word gentleness is not weakness, gentleness is strength under control toward the other person.

I know I'm a strong person, and yet I can be tender toward you, gentle toward you, even when you're difficult.

Paul goes on to say, be patient with people.

Patience is long suffering towards aggravating people.

Which sounds horrible, until I am aggravating.

And then, of course, I want all of you to be patient with me.

Bearing with one another.

This phrasing speaks of the mutual tolerance that's needed, it's required for any group of people, a relationship to live together in peace.

Married people, you say amen, you know what I'm talking about.

If you've been married longer than a day, you know what it means to bear with one another.

Mutual tolerance.

Why?

Because we are all selfish.

We can all be prideful.

We all want our way, we all get tired and fussy and hangry, right?

And we need somebody to bear with us.

I need you to bear with me.

Just bear with me.

Mutual tolerance.

So, what does this mean?

Well, I think it can mean this for our relationships.

Number one, we offer each other grace and refuse to nitpick each other.

Even a couple days ago, Christy and I went to pick out a new couch.

We need to get a new couch.

And we went to Woodstock Furniture Outlet about 20 minutes north of here, and we're talking to Jimmy, the furniture salesman, and I said, Hey Jimmy, I'm here to kind of set the boundaries, but she's gonna make the final decisions.

That's how this works.

And he said, That's great that y'all kind of have an idea how that works.

He's like, You would be amazed.

Jimmy, the furniture salesman guy, you would be amazed how many couples come in here and all they do is argue.

And I become a counselor.

He sells couches.

I what like they're what are they arguing?

They're arguing about the couch.

I would just say this like if you're arguing about the couch, are you you really upset about the couch, or are you really upset about other stuff?

You're probably upset about other stuff.

We have to offer each other grace.

We're not perfect, and we have to refuse to nitpick each other.

You know what you're talking about.

Like, I we Christy and I do that.

Start picking on each other, and so you're like, ah, why are we doing this?

Why are we scorekeeping each other?

It's moving from a framework of scorekeeping to grace.

Number two, we don't want conflict, but we're not afraid of it.

As we're secured in the gospel, I'm a beloved son.

My wealth, my significance is in Jesus alone.

I don't have to be scared of conflict.

I don't have to love it, but I don't have to be afraid of it.

It won't destroy me.

Number three, we move through conflict in love and gentleness, a humble calmness toward each other.

So that means if you get fired up in a conflict, you can say, hey, I'm getting fired up.

I'm gonna go take a 10-minute walk and I'll come back.

It's okay to do that.

We're allowed to do that.

I'm getting upset.

I can say, I'm getting very upset right now.

I'm gonna go outside for five minutes, catch my breath, come back in.

Because in order to work our way through conflict, there has to be a mutual tolerance of each other, a humble calmness toward each other to work your way through it.

Number four, because we aim to make every effort to keep unity and peace.

That's what this passage is about.

And here's the key back to the Ephesian structure, back to the Keller quote.

None of this peace and calm through conflict is possible if you're not finding your emotional wealth, significance, your value as being a secure daughter or son of your heavenly father.

And to that end, I recommend this book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality.

Great book of the intersection of the gospel and your emotional well-being.

Yes, you're forgiven and you're righteous, and your eternity is set in heaven.

Okay, what does that mean for your emotional state day to day?

Verses 4 through 6.

There is one body and one spirit.

Paul's really going to hammer this unity, peace, unity, oneness.

Just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God, the Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all, but grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift.

So this passage goes on to say, within this one body, this oneness, this unity, we're each different different gifts.

We're different, we're not all the same, and this is for the use of the body.

Verse 8.

Therefore it says, when he ascended on high, he led to a host of captives, and he gave gifts to men.

In saying he ascended, what does it mean but that he had also descended to the lower regions of the earth?

He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens that he might fill all things.

So Jesus in love descended, he humbled himself to live amongst us, to show us how to live, but also to die for us.

Verse 11.

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds, teachers to equip the saints for the work of the ministry, for building up the body of Christ until we all attain the unity of the faith and the knowledge of the Son of God.

Now why?

What are we moving toward?

To mature manhood, or we say womanhood, to mature to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness and deceitfulness and schemes.

Rather, rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.

So this is what it's saying.

You exist that I might mature.

I exist that you might mature.

That we help each other grow.

Two weeks ago, Fat Bear Week ended.

Anybody keep up with Fat Bear Week?

Very important in our church.

You knew I would get to it.

So if you're not familiar with Fat Bear Week, all the grizzlies in Katma National Park, every beginning of the summer, they all come to Brooks Falls to feed on the salmon.

This is up in Alaska.

These grizzlies come here and they feed all summer.

May, June, July, August, September, get into October, and we have Fat Bear Week where we vote, the bear nerds vote on which bear moved from being the skinniest to the fattest, and then you get a fat bear champion.

Now the big drama of this year was that Otis, a past champion, Otis did not return.

So second year, the second summary's not returned, so they believe we got fat bear is a dead bear.

Otis is done.

But he was 30, he was 30 years old, he spent 20 years.

There he is.

I mean, that is a that's a fat bear, right?

You're like, yep, he's the champ.

He was the champ.

He had won four times.

So this meant a new champion can can show up.

Like, I mean, like it's open for taking, right?

So the finals this year was between Grazer and Chunk.

And our 2025 champion was is Chunk.

There's Chunk.

Fat Bear 2025.

Um, and and he didn't waste any time.

I mean, he got to Brooks Falls and he ate salmon and he gorged himself on salmon.

And my point is, which is always my point with the Fat Bear illustration, same point over and over again, is that growing as a Christian is about feeding on the right things as to grow.

We can feed ourselves with all sorts of stuff.

And even as a Christian, feeding yourself on your to-do list won't actually mature you.

You have to feed yourself on grace and truth.

You have to feed yourself.

We use our to-do lists, our disciplines, to put ourselves in the river of receiving from God.

Growing as a Christian is about feeding on what will actually mature you.

What will actually mature you?

Well, the passage says it build to be built up in love.

Point number two is this maturing in Christ is the journey of growing more alive to God's love for us.

You're going to learn all sorts of different stuff, little wisdom and tidbits on how to live and how to manage your money and how to handle a relationship and lots of practical imperatives.

But maturity at the heart comes from the indicatives, what's been promised to you in Jesus, who you are as a man or a woman, as a son and a daughter of God.

Who you are, apart from your performance, apart from your achievement, apart from your behavior, apart from all your roles in life.

Who are you in the inner self?

Think about that image of the water pouring in.

Who are you inside?

And that's why Paul starts, he spends three chapters talking about that before we ever get into behavior.

This week I went on a baby visit and I got to hold a baby for about an hour.

Because this passage says we're spiritual babies.

I don't know if you you heard that, right?

So I'm holding this baby, thinking about this passage a little bit.

Gotta pray for that little baby.

And that baby is precious and cute.

But man, to have the understanding of a baby when you're 15 or 30 or 50 or 70, that'd be that'd be horrible.

But babies are needy, they're insane, they don't understand anything.

They don't understand anything.

One of my daughters, when she was three years old, we were in the living room and she she went off to go to the restroom by herself, and we're proud of her.

She's three years old going off to the restroom.

And about four or five minutes later, we just hear her wailing.

And she is she is weeping from the other room, and she is crying, bees, bees.

And I think, oh my gosh, there's like a hornet's nest in the bathroom.

And I I run in and she's standing, she had kind of plopped off the toilet, and she's standing in the middle of the bathroom like this, and there's a hare, and there's three little poop balls, and she's going, bees, bees, out of our bottom.

And so I had to explain to her that bumblebees cannot come out of our bottoms.

And this was not a conversation that I ever thought would be needed.

Right?

But she didn't know.

She didn't know that bumblebees can't come out of your bottom.

Nobody ever told her that a bumblebee can't come out of your bottom.

So she had to be told.

We have to be told a lot of things, right?

I mean, you young parents know what I'm talking about.

I I can I can remember like three or four stories, you know, like the Bumblebee story, but like you like you just every day.

You're explaining, you are so tired because you are explaining so many things constantly.

Because these babies don't know anything.

They're unbelievably ignorant, is what a baby is.

They're emotionally insane.

They can't resolve any conflict on their own.

Right?

These precious little ones.

They're constantly needy.

They can't handle disapproval.

They're always thinking about themselves.

They're always feeling hurt or slighted.

I'm talking about babies.

And you're like, that sounds feels familiar, feels a little targeted.

Um Paul says, grow up in love.

Like, like don't stay a b, don't stay a baby.

Like we need because when you're a baby, you're vulnerable.

Right?

Because you don't know how things work.

Things haven't been explained to you.

So you need to grow up, you need to understand how life works.

You need to read your Bible, we do.

We need to read our Bibles to understand how life works and relationships work.

We need to be grounded in Christ's love for us so we have a secure identity.

We need that.

We need to become emotionally healthy and stable so we can handle conflict.

We need that.

That's how we're gonna have unity in a church or a family or relationship, is all those components.

We can't be babies.

We have to grow up in this love.

That verse 13 until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God to mature, to mature.

Last week I helped lead a group of Redeemer and Myriad of Men to refuge retreat out west.

And we hiked and we fished and some guys rode some horses.

And at the end of the day, we had a big dinner at night, and we sat around the table, and there was always a discussion question.

And the second night, the discussion question is what pressure, what stress are you carrying?

What are you carrying around?

It just started at one side and we ran around the table.

Amazing what men will talk about when they don't have to be in charge of anything.

They don't have to answer their phone.

They've had a little fun, they've laughed.

Give them a steak, give them a cocktail, and all of a sudden they're willing to start talking.

The walls are coming down.

And it was just pressure and stress and pressure and stress.

And you know, it's like work, family, provision, you know, achieve pressure, work, pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure.

And at the end of the whole table, a very sweet 70-year-old man who loves Jesus, he said this I hear all of you talk, and it's pressure, pressure, pressure, pressure.

And those are good things.

You have to handle those things.

But those things won't have the same pressure if we aim to see Jesus.

It made me think about Matthew 6.

Like you worry about the clothes you wear, you worry about this, you worry about that, but seek first the kingdom, and all these things will be added unto you.

And what I heard when he said that, I thought about Matthew 6, so I heard Jesus.

And what I heard was like, hey, little 46-year-old baby Russ, and you're all concerned about your future.

I can future trip all day long.

I can have anxiety about anything, and there's no point in the future that I can't get anxious about and can't try to over-control.

And what I heard for me and my issues was hey, baby Russ, and you grow up a little bit.

Like you're being a baby, a little bit of a baby.

Being a little bit of a baby here.

Because where's your heart?

Like good things, you need to handle them.

But where's your heart?

Good things, we need to handle them.

Need to handle them.

Need to be adults.

But I'm a baby when I let those good things take control of my heart.

I need to handle them, but where's my heart?

I need to grow up a little bit, mature a little bit here.

Am I allowing my heart to come alive to Jesus?

It's back to that image that water's pouring into you.

If you're in Jesus, you got all the Jesus you ever need.

You don't need more Jesus.

You're coming alive to what is already true about you.

That's why it's secure.

That's why it's stable.

That's why you have an emotional stability that you can begin to live out of.

Because you don't have to worry about him like in or out.

Does God delight in me or not delight in me?

No, it's already there.

What you're learning is what's already true about you.

And so we have security as saints, and we can begin to have emotional wealth so that we can be humble and gentle and patient and bear with each other.

Let's pray together.

Heavenly Father, thank you that you don't just call us to unity and oneness and peace, but you actually empower us through your son.

Help us to root even more into the wealth of our identity as sons and daughters of yours, fully forgiven, fully righteous, fully approved, and fully delighted in, because Jesus alone would that bring us great fulfillment, peace, security, stability, calmness of heart, and out of that would an overflow love to each other, gentleness, patience, and peace.

In Christ's name we pray.

Amen.