Sermon

Why You Keep Running From Relationships (And Why You Should Stop)

Sunday Message Podcast

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  1. Welcome to the Illuminate Church podcast.

  2. We hope today's message is encouraging to you.

  3. We're glad that you're here. We help people find abundant

  4. life in Jesus Christ, and we're doing that in the series called

  5. Community. If you're ready, open your

  6. Bibles. We're going to be in two places,

  7. really a bunch of places, but starting in John chapter 19 and

    John 19 chapter mention

  8. Ecclesiastes. Ecclesiastes chapter 4.

    Ecclesiastes 4 chapter mention

  9. If you want to put a bookmark in the Old Testament, Ecclesiastes

  10. 4 and John 19, we're start with first.

  11. If you need a Bible, raise your hand.

  12. That's why our ushers are meandering around here, these

  13. fine young gentlemen. Thank you, Andy.

  14. Thank you, Carrie and Lady, thank you so much for those.

  15. Anyone else in the Bible. John chapter way over here,

  16. Terry. Oh, they're coming to you, John,

    John 19 chapter mention

  17. chapter 19, Ecclesiastes chapter 4, in that order.

    Ecclesiastes 4 chapter mention

  18. And eventually we get to some other stuff.

  19. But as you're doing that, let me pray.

  20. Father, in the name of Jesus, we welcome you.

  21. You are the King, You are the honored guests.

  22. We're the guests. This is your house.

  23. We've come into your presence. So Lord, speak to us, refine us,

  24. shape us, make us more like your son, Jesus.

  25. Holy Spirit, this is your space. Come and minister to us.

  26. You say that you would lead us into all truth.

  27. So Holy Spirit, lead us today. Heal us today.

  28. We pray in Jesus name, Amen, Amen.

  29. I I believe that in our society in 2026, we have created a

  30. culture of runners. And I'm not talking about the

  31. people who have the brilliance of mind to go outside in 150°

  32. day heat to the pavements like, like melting and they're out

  33. there moving their arms and legs very fast in a singular

  34. direction. I'm more talking about the, the,

  35. the truth that we have become because of technology or

  36. whatever you want to say, a more transient kind of people.

  37. It used to be back in the olden days, like even before

  38. automobiles got that far back, people just stayed where they

  39. were. And then even with the eventual

  40. auto, what is plane, trains and planes, trains and automobiles,

  41. What people still in general stayed where they were from?

  42. It wouldn't be unusual for a family to grow up and the next

  43. generation to grow up behind them and they're living in the

  44. same region or the same neighborhood, sometimes even in

  45. the same home. That was just normal.

  46. And we become a little bit more transient.

  47. It used to be that the person you were going to marry, you

  48. probably knew for your whole life.

  49. You just didn't know you're going to marry them till later.

  50. Your family grew up with them. And it's like, oh, yeah, the

  51. whole time it's been Jane. You should marry Jane, Right?

  52. That's the way it kind of used to be.

  53. Technology has changed that. Now we can have friends all over

  54. the globe. We're moving for jobs.

  55. We're moving because of political persuasions.

  56. Anyone migrated from someplace to don't raise your hand?

  57. We're moving for weather reasons.

  58. We're here and there and we're everywhere.

  59. And on social media and in life, it's become normal just to

  60. unfriend somebody. Like, I'm just done with you.

  61. This is not working. So I'm out.

  62. In the words of Mr. Cube. Ice Cube.

  63. Bye, Felicia. Remember this, anyone?

  64. Of course. Yeah.

  65. Everyone's favorite Cube. Yeah.

  66. When things go South, we don't stick in general.

  67. We run. And when we run, what we're

  68. running from is what we were designed for.

  69. And that's the issue. We were designed for community

  70. by a community. The triune godfather, Son, Holy

  71. Spirit living in community. Boris in his image and his image

  72. is community. And he said go and be community.

  73. And when things get hard and there's we're out, Deuces, I

  74. believe, is the terminology Now, we think the silver lining of

  75. moving away from one community and just going and joining

  76. another one or staying by ourselves is that we no longer

  77. have to deal with the issue over here.

  78. And I get to recreate myself in this new space.

  79. They don't know me here like they knew me there.

  80. You picking up what I'm putting down?

  81. Yeah. So as the saying goes, the truth

  82. is wherever you go, there you are.

  83. Meaning that if you were rude and selfish in Toledo, you're

  84. going to be rude and selfish in Topeka.

  85. If you were lazy and self-serving in this

  86. relationship, you're probably going to be lazy and

  87. self-serving in the next relationship.

  88. If the church you're leaving, you're leaving because they

  89. don't do it the way you like and you get upset and offended, then

  90. the next church you go to, at some point you're probably going

  91. to be feeling the same way. I'm just, it's not, I don't like

  92. it. They don't do it the way that I

  93. want it. It got quiet.

  94. I'll say this, sometimes we leave our community so that we

  95. don't have to change our character.

  96. Running from community allows us to hide.

  97. Running from community allows us to stay the same.

  98. And Jesus says that we're going to grow from glory to glory, not

  99. be flat lined, stay the same. So what I hoped that will show

  100. today, biblically speaking, is that staying and committed

  101. biblical community is actually the thing that God has

  102. prescribed to shape and form us into a more glorified godly

  103. version of ourselves that represents him well, even when

  104. it goes hard, even when there's confrontation.

  105. So the message titled today is simply don't run, don't run.

  106. Here's why. John chapter 19, something

    John 19 chapter mention

  107. beautiful happens. Besides the fact that we've been

  108. created for community. Look what Jesus does.

  109. John chapter 19. We're at the crucifixion.

    John 19 chapter mention

  110. Jesus has already been stripped, beaten, mocked, spit upon,

  111. unjustly sentenced to death. He's been whipped with the

  112. catanine tails upon his naked back.

  113. He's had the crown of thorns placed upon his head and jabbed

  114. into his forehead. Then he's asked to place the

  115. crossbeam on his shredded back and walk up the Via della Rossa

  116. to Golgotha where they lay him on the ground on the crossbeam

  117. and Pierce his hands and his feet and raised him in a public

  118. spectacle of shame for all the world to see.

  119. And then we have this scene. It's kind of breathtaking.

  120. Jesus is thinking when he's on the cross.

  121. Verse 25, near the cross of Jesus stood his mother.

  122. Just let that sit with you for a second.

  123. She's watching her son perish and he's up there dying saying

  124. there's my Mama. Like, don't dehumanize Jesus

  125. just because he's also God, right?

  126. His mother's sister, Mary, the wife of Clopis and Mary

  127. Magdalene. It's a merry party.

  128. Verse 26, When Jesus saw his mother there, that is, and the

  129. disciple whom he loved, who's John?

  130. Not John the Baptist, but John the disciple, He said to her,

  131. woman, here is your son, and to the disciple he said, here is

  132. your mother. From that time on, this disciple

  133. took her into his home. Jesus is hanging from the cross

  134. and he speaks to his mother and says, woman, some of the moms

  135. here, like if my son called me woman, I would also bring out a

  136. cross. I would.

  137. But woman here is actually a term of endearment.

  138. It means like my lady or mademoiselle, there's a certain

  139. grace to it that we don't get in our translation.

  140. But it's also a cover up for Jesus knows that many there had

  141. no clue who his mom is. They barely know who he is.

  142. There's no pictures or videos of Jesus.

  143. So some of them are seeing him for the first time, hanging from

  144. the cross and they have no idea who his mother is.

  145. And so instead of saying mom and drawing the ridicule of the

  146. crowd to her, he just addresses her as woman.

  147. And then Jesus tells Mary, Mom, you have a new son, it's John.

  148. And he looks at John and says, John, you have a new mother,

  149. it's Mary. If you read the scriptures

  150. through and through, you'll find that one of the greatest themes

  151. in all the Bible is the honor and care of 1's parents.

  152. And here is Jesus dying on the cross, caring for his mom.

  153. Scholars believe, and I would agree with him, that Joseph,

  154. Mary's husband is dead, otherwise she wouldn't need a

  155. new home, a new covering. And so he says, Mom, you're now

  156. a widow and your son's about to die.

  157. I want to care for you. So I'm putting you in a new

  158. family. And John, I'm putting you in a

  159. new family too. So much so that John takes her

  160. into his own home. Remember a few weeks ago when

  161. Christine preached about in the old days in Jesus day?

  162. You can see this when you go to Israel.

  163. They wouldn't build a house and then the kids move over there

  164. and build another house and the kids move over to that suburb

  165. and some are in celebration and some are in Poinciana, right?

  166. They would just add on to their house when the family grew and

  167. more and more rooms. That's why Jesus says, I'm going

  168. ahead of you to prepare a place for you.

  169. Jesus right now is building on to his Father's house for you.

  170. And John does this for us right here.

  171. Now. Mary wasn't a part of his

  172. family, wasn't living in his home.

  173. And John, because she's now a part of the family, invites Mary

  174. into the home. What's happening here?

  175. Jesus is demonstrating that through his blood and by their

  176. faith. Mary and John are the first

  177. members of this new community, this new family of faith.

  178. He's instituted a brand new family, remember in the Psalms

  179. that says he puts the lonely in families and he does it first

  180. with his mother. This is your new son, this is

  181. your new mother. This family that is entered into

  182. by faith and purchased for us through the blood and the

  183. suffering of Jesus Christ so that all the world will know you

  184. can be included. You are invited.

  185. Everybody is loved. Everybody can be in in this

  186. family. That's why I keep saying to you

  187. during this series over and over again, the people sitting next

  188. to you who are believers in Jesus are your literal brothers

  189. and sisters. Sunday mornings are family

  190. reunions in the name of Jesus. Stand up with me right now and

  191. find a brother or sister in this room.

  192. Come on everybody. Even if you're an introvert, hug

  193. your family members right here, right now.

  194. Your brother, your sister, your family, all of your family get

  195. to know each other. Let's have a giant Thanksgiving.

  196. Everyone's invited for Christmas.

  197. Hug somebody you don't know. Hallelujah.

  198. Yeah, if here's the point of what I want to say to you in

  199. regards to this. If Jesus gave his life so that

  200. we can have community, shouldn't we give ours to keep it?

  201. Which means I'm going to let my ego and my pride and my comfort

  202. go down so that I can stay in community with you and you and

  203. community with me. If Christ has done the work to

  204. unite us by the shedding of his blood, how can we be so

  205. frivolous to undo this work? By walking away when things get

  206. hard. Let's flip to Ecclesiastes.

  207. I'll show you another part of community.

  208. I'm trying to convince you to not walk away when it gets hard.

  209. Ecclesiastes, chapter 4, verse 8.

    Ecclesiastes 4:8

  210. There was a man. Notice his condition all alone.

  211. He had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil.

  212. Yet his eyes were not content with his wealth.

  213. He says. For whom am I toiling?

  214. He asked. And why am I depriving myself of

  215. enjoyment? He's got no one to share all of

  216. this stuff with. All of his work produces stuff

  217. and he's got no one to share the stuff with.

  218. This too is meaningless, A miserable business.

  219. Verse 9. A bunch of verses you might have

  220. heard before and you thought they might have been secular

  221. sayings or somewhere in the Bible.

  222. They're all right here together. 2 are better than one because

  223. they have a good return for their labor.

  224. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up, but

  225. pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

  226. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can

  227. one keep warm alone? Something I learned when I was

  228. in scouts. If you get hypothermia, you

  229. remember this you just got to get another warm body.

  230. Verse 12 though one may be overpowered, 2 can defend

  231. themselves. A cord of three strands is not

  232. quickly broken. The power of community all in

  233. one little section of scripture. A man has everything except

  234. anyone to enjoy it with. Meaningless.

  235. Or instead 2 can produce more than one.

  236. One can lift another up if together, 1 can keep the other

  237. warm if together 2 can withstand the attack better than one.

  238. There's strength in numbers, which comes right from the

  239. Bible. If the community has so much to

  240. offer us, then why are we so often quick to leave it?

  241. If this is the fruit of community, I want to stay in it,

  242. even if it means some hard work and you may say, pastor, what do

  243. you mean we're quick to leave community?

  244. I've kind of already intimated it some, but often we leave

  245. community. We go away from the shaping

  246. relationships around us, typically for one of three

  247. reasons. You could probably add 1000

  248. more, but these are the ones that came to my mind.

  249. Number one, I get offended by Felicia.

  250. This is I'm taking my ball and going home.

  251. I no longer want to play with you.

  252. I don't want to be with you. I don't want to hang out with

  253. you. I don't like I just I'm out,

  254. right Or they require too much of me.

  255. Somebody's trying to hold you to a standard and you don't want to

  256. be held to that standard. So you want to go somewhere else

  257. where there's no standard. I'm out or their teaching is too

  258. hard. Like the what, what who could

  259. ever do that? All three of these happened to

  260. Jesus disciples. So do you think it might happen

  261. to you? You don't have to turn there in

  262. John chapter 6 Jesus is teaching he says I'm the bread of life

    John 6 chapter mention

  263. and they're like what we supposed to eat you?

  264. Are you turning this into cannibals and Jesus double S

  265. down he he goes on from saying I'm the bread of life.

  266. Then he says if you do not eat of my flesh and drink of my

  267. blood. This is what the Bible says

  268. there is no life in you. Now for us on this side of

  269. Jesus, as partakers in Holy Communion, once a month here at

  270. Illuminate Church or whatever church you grew up in, we're

  271. used to this symbolism, the body and blood of Christ represented

  272. by the bread and the juice. And so it's normal to us.

  273. But imagine standing there and watching this guy that you're

  274. like, we're following Jesus. He's like, you need to eat my

  275. flesh and blood. He's like, oh, this just got

  276. weird. The Bible records in John

    John 6 chapter mention

  277. chapter 6 that they said to themselves, the teaching is too

  278. hard. Jesus is set the standard too

  279. high. And then it says this, they

  280. turned from Jesus and walked away.

  281. Can you imagine? They they turned their back on

  282. Jesus and they left the community of the disciples and

  283. walked away offended require too much.

  284. The teaching is too hard. I wonder this morning, have you

  285. ever walked away when someone has tried to teach you or hold

  286. you accountable or require of you godliness and you're like,

  287. ah, I need to get out of here. When someone holds up a mirror

  288. to you and you don't like what you see, you can either leave

  289. from the mirror or you can learn from the mirror.

  290. Maturity says that we learn from the mirror.

  291. American Society seems that says like just leave.

  292. You want to find people who don't hold up the mirror to you.

  293. That's what your comfort will tell you.

  294. You know what they call people who will not hold up the mirror

  295. to you? Enablers.

  296. Coddlers, I just want you to feel good, so I'm not going to

  297. address what doesn't feel good. Enablement.

  298. Don't run. Don't run.

  299. I'm about to do something I've never done on platform.

  300. I hope it's not weird. That's a knife.

  301. That's not a knife. OK?

  302. Anyway, Crocodile, OK, knives are, yes, they're dangerous, but

  303. they're also incredibly great tools that the Lord has given

  304. us. If you think about what the

  305. knife does in the preparation of food, in the defense of oneself

  306. in the sacrificial system before Jesus, in surgery, scalpels,

  307. they're they're very, very useful.

  308. Unless they are absolutely dull, you do not want to be on a

  309. surgery table with a doctor whose scalpels are dull.

  310. And they're like, yeah, we don't want to be useless tools.

  311. And so the Bible gives us a prescription.

  312. Proverbs 2717. A very famous scripture says

  313. that as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

  314. I'm not a professional away from you.

  315. Is that how you do it? Not this way, because this way

  316. is safe and this way makes people nervous.

  317. Really. Really, I'm fine.

  318. I'm fine as iron sharpens iron. So one man, one woman sharpens

  319. another. But do you notice how it works?

  320. Friction. And nobody likes friction.

  321. And God says, yeah, that's the way that we grow.

  322. And when this happens, what we want to do?

  323. And then it's. Right, no friction.

  324. I got more to say. I want to talk about friction

  325. this morning. It's the friction that sharpens

  326. you, friction which is uncomfortable.

  327. I'll say to you this when your comfort goes down, it's often

  328. then that your character will go up.

  329. Think about working out of the gym.

  330. It's not comfortable. Think about eating better, it's

  331. not comfortable. Think about being trained in

  332. righteousness, it's not comfortable.

  333. But the results are typically always the same.

  334. When your comfort goes down, it's often then that your

  335. character goes up. I'm going to show you what

  336. friction looks like in the church and that the idea today

  337. is that we re address or re see friction.

  338. I want to put it in a better view.

  339. I want to actually appreciate friction in relationships

  340. because then I know that God is at work.

  341. He's doing something. He's going to make something

  342. from this. Amen.

  343. You're so enthusiastic this morning, Ephesians Ephesians

    Ephesians 4 chapter mention

  344. chapter 4. If you want to flip there really

  345. quick, it's all the way over to the New Testament Ephesians

    Ephesians 4:11

  346. chapter 4 verse 11, where see the work of the church and the

  347. point of community all in one little section of scripture.

  348. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 11 says so Christ gave the fivefold

    Ephesians 4:11

  349. ministry, apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and

  350. teachers. Why?

  351. To equip His people for works of service, so that the whole body

  352. of Christ may be built up until we all, everyone say all, reach

  353. unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God, and

  354. become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of

  355. Christ. Then we will no longer be

  356. infants tossed back and forth by social media, by talking heads,

  357. by schemes and cunning of the enemy, by waves blown here and

  358. there, by the every wind of teaching and the cunning and

  359. craftiness of people and their deceitful scheming.

  360. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in

  361. every respect a mature body of Him who is the head, that is

  362. Christ. From him the whole body, joined

  363. and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and

  364. builds itself up and in love as each part does its work.

  365. What is this teaching us? Friction actually grounds us and

  366. matures us. The church community, which is

  367. represented here by the fivefold ministry, the apostles,

  368. prophets, evangelist, pastors and teachers, and the body of

  369. the church is meant to come around us and you, me, me, you,

  370. to shape one another towards maturity.

  371. I cannot do this alone. I have to be in community to

  372. attain the full measure of Christ.

  373. It's almost like we're learning here that there's a certain

  374. level of maturity that I can attain on my own and personal

  375. study and devotion to the Lord. But the fullness of my maturity

  376. and my walk with Jesus is going to come from the friction and

  377. the shaping of other believers in my life who are willing to

  378. hold up the Word of God. That is, I skipped the scripture

  379. earlier. I just want to make sure I read

  380. it. Second Timothy 316.

  381. All scripture is God breathed, useful for teaching, rebuking,

  382. correcting and training and righteousness.

  383. We sit together and open the word together.

  384. Our friend says, hey, I was reading Luke and you're not

  385. living like Luke. They wouldn't say it like that,

  386. but friction is meant to ground us and mature us.

  387. It's the refinement from the body.

  388. It is the iron sharpening iron. You cannot be sharpened by air.

  389. Your growth requires community alone.

  390. People end up to be dull people, a tool of the Lord, but you

  391. become a little bit useless because of the lack of the

  392. refinement that comes from the community, which feels to us

  393. like friction, but it's actually a grace from the Lord to shape,

  394. to refine. So my counsel use don't run,

  395. decide to stay, meaning I'm going to stay where it hurts.

  396. And listen to me. I'm not talking about church

  397. abuse. I want to be very clear.

  398. I'm not talking about something that's amoral or illegal.

  399. I'm talking about character shaping or somebody's

  400. challenging the way that you live, the way that you speak,

  401. the way that you think, and say, Hey, can we align this to the

  402. Lord? And you were like, I, I'm going

  403. to turn my back on Jesus and walk away from the community

  404. because the teaching is too hard.

  405. And Ephesians chapter 4 is saying, stay in the body and be

    Ephesians 4 chapter mention

  406. sharpened in community. Don't run, stay.

  407. Decide to say #2 just so we're clear, friction doesn't have to

  408. be ugly. There's this assumption that

  409. confrontation means bad, and really it's the friction.

  410. It's the confrontation that shapes us.

  411. We have something here at the church called our field guide,

  412. looks like this. It's got Pastor Kim involved

  413. around and Patrick on the front. They're looking great.

  414. Baptism. Yep, in the field, guys.

  415. A lot of things with the two major things that are in here

  416. are our vision, which is what we do, and our cultural values,

  417. which is the manner in which we do what we do.

  418. You understand, one of our cultural values essentially says

  419. this. We speak the truth as a staff,

  420. as dream team members. We speak the truth in love,

  421. which is right here out of Ephesians chapter 4, but we also

    Ephesians 4 chapter mention

  422. receive the truth as love. So the assumption is that when

  423. you walk into my office or I walk into yours and there's

  424. correction, there's friction, there's confrontation that we

  425. need to walk through. The assumption is that you're

  426. walking in in the motive of love, and I'm going to receive

  427. what you're saying to me as love, which makes it much more

  428. easy for you to say what you need to say to me, knowing that

  429. I'm perceiving it correctly. You're coming in to say this

  430. because you love me. Candor is king in the context of

  431. love. As a result, we will not walk

  432. away in fear of giving or receiving truth, even if it

  433. causes healthy confrontation. We embrace it because it makes

  434. us better. How do you speak the truth in

  435. love? Lots of ways.

  436. Let me just give you 2 ideas. Number one, always go to them,

  437. not to others. When you go to others, it's not

  438. very loving. What's private has now become

  439. public, and there's public opinion about something that's

  440. private between two people. And so because I love you, I'm

  441. not going to make a spectacle of this.

  442. Instead, I'm just going to talk to you because I love you and #2

  443. check the motive of your heart before you walk in.

  444. What's your motive? Is change your desire?

  445. Is your desire for good? Or is it really, let's be

  446. honest, to punish them? You can walk into an office or

  447. to a relationship or to the church and your motive be I want

  448. to bless with my words or my motive is I really just want to

  449. curse you. I I want something bad to happen

  450. to you because of the way that this has made me feel.

  451. That's not speaking the truth in love.

  452. That's speaking the truth. Had a selfish motive out of

  453. anger. So my counsel to you is don't

  454. run. Instead, you be an agent that

  455. cultivates safety. You want to be the man or the

  456. woman who says, when I walk into the room, I trust that you and I

  457. have love between us so that we can talk about anything for the

  458. sake of growth. Patrick Lincione says the best.

  459. He's an author. He's written a bunch of

  460. leadership books. He's a believer in God.

  461. He in in the Five Dysfunctions of a team.

  462. He says when there is trust, conflict becomes nothing but the

  463. pursuit of truth and attempt to find the best possible answer.

  464. How about that conflict, seen rightly, is actually a good

  465. thing. We're seeking the truth.

  466. We want the best outcome for you and for me #3 Finally, friction

  467. eliminates false peace. What a deception.

  468. False peace. We think we're at peace, but

  469. we're really not. We think everything is OK, but

  470. it's not true. We just shoved it under the rug.

  471. Luke chapter 6. Let me just read these two

    Luke 6 chapter mention

  472. scriptures to you. Why do you look at the speck of

  473. sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the

  474. plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother

  475. or your sister, let me take the speck out of your eye when you

  476. yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye?

  477. You hypocrite, This is Jesus speaking.

  478. First take the plank out your own eye and then you will see

  479. clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

  480. The main point of Jesus's teaching here is that

  481. introspection must come first. I got to check myself in the

  482. mirror before I go. Hold up the mirror for anybody

  483. else to show them a blind spot. That that's the point.

  484. Don't miss it, but also don't miss this, the very end of the

  485. passage. Jesus doesn't say in the end,

  486. Don't go, Jesus doesn't say. Don't help them.

  487. Jesus doesn't say. Just sweep it under the rug and

  488. deal with this another day which never comes.

  489. That is false peace when we say nothing about the issues between

  490. us because we want to keep up appearances or just keep the

  491. relationship. If no one talks about specs and

  492. planks with one another, then we're going to walk around with

  493. a lot of specs and planks. And that's what false peace

  494. looks like. Nobody willing to have a hard

  495. conversation, to be candid, to be loving, no one really willing

  496. to receive somebody that comes with candor and love.

  497. Like I'm leaving. And if you are in a community of

  498. people who pretend there are no specks and doesn't deal with

  499. planks, don't run. Lead the way.

  500. You lead the way by asking them. Is there anything in me that

  501. needs correcting? Christine and I have a weekly

  502. meeting Sundays. We talk about everything,

  503. finances, plans for the week, and one of the questions we ask

  504. each other. Is there anything I did this

  505. week or said this week that we don't use these words but needs

  506. correcting and vice versa. And we share.

  507. Yeah, when you slam the fridge never happens.

  508. I don't know what to make up, but we we share.

  509. Yeah, that was a hard conversation or that didn't land

  510. right. Or when you do this, it makes me

  511. feel this. And you know what's happening

  512. the whole time. And Sunday by Sunday, our

  513. marriage matures because we're open to receiving the frictions

  514. saying there's something not right, so let's make it right in

  515. Jesus name. When you have Patrick Lincione,

  516. he doesn't call it false peace. He calls it artificial harmony.

  517. And he says it's a relationship killer.

  518. When there's false peace, there's no real engagement

  519. because the entire relationship is built on falsehood.

  520. When there's false peace, there's no truth.

  521. So you can't tell when somebody's talking to you like,

  522. is this truth or lie? Are you giving me the real

  523. truth? Are you covering up or?

  524. And when there's false peace, there's no hope for growth or

  525. improvement. We're just going to pretend like

  526. everything's OK and stay this way for the rest of our lives

  527. and not mature. Stay in broken places, broken

  528. relationships. And then we wonder why we're

  529. upset. Don't run.

  530. Instead, surrender your view of yourself to the shaping of the

  531. community. It's a very vulnerable place to

  532. be, to say I know that the only way that I become the fullness

  533. of Christ is to allow myself to be examined by you and for you

  534. to tell me the truth. Yeah.

  535. Tim, you are flapping in the wind in this area.

  536. You don't even know it. But I love you.

  537. I want to show it to you. You know, I really, when I say

  538. this, I really love the staff here at Illuminate Church.

  539. I love these people. I love seeing them in the

  540. office. There's nobody's office that I

  541. like walk by like really quickly, you know, love it when

  542. we have meals together, we laugh, we cry together, we pray

  543. together, we read together, we go on retreats together and

  544. actually enjoy it. Hallelujah.

  545. But it wasn't always that way. When we started as a church, I

  546. thought that our culture would just form around the fact that

  547. I'm a nice guy and we love each other and working for Jesus is

  548. fun sometimes. We had no cultural values, and

  549. so a lot of things would happen on staff in the early days and

  550. just wouldn't be addressed because we didn't have know how

  551. to address them. We didn't know how to speak the

  552. truth in love or receive the truth in love.

  553. We didn't know how to seek First things first.

  554. We didn't know what that meant. That alignment is more important

  555. than assignment. It's better that we have

  556. relationship than we get this thing done.

  557. We're just getting things done at the sake of relationship.

  558. You understand what I'm saying? And so the Lord had us write the

  559. culture guide and now this staff that we have and some former

  560. staff members too, it's just been a wonderful ride.

  561. We know how to walk through hard things together.

  562. And I promise you this, our staff, we ain't perfect.

  563. We got issues, we got problems. There is friction regularly, but

  564. nobody clinches, nobody deuces and runs away.

  565. We come to the table and then we stay at the table.

  566. We have hard conversations and I watch staff member sharpening

  567. staff member, and I've experienced staff members

  568. sharpening me and none of us on this staff are the same that we

  569. were a year ago because we've decided to not run and to stay

  570. even when it was friction and it's been happening.

  571. I'm better, Christine's better, Ronnie's better, Sarah's better,

  572. Dave is better, other Dave is better, Alex is better, Kim's

  573. better. There's a lot of work on Kim.

  574. I'm just kidding. I want to close today by saying

  575. to anyone here who's been a runaway that the Lord brought

  576. you here today, say, come home. This message is not meant for

  577. condemnation. It's always meant for

  578. invitation. You may feel conviction that's

  579. the Holy Spirit, but maybe you've run from a community

  580. that's trying to shape you or run from the Lord who's trying

  581. to shape you, and you just say today I'm turning back around

  582. and facing Jesus. I'm turning back around and

  583. entering the community. Maybe it's at your home.

  584. Maybe you need to sit at the table and say we're not leaving

  585. the table until we speak the truth in love and receive the

  586. truth is love. Maybe it's at your workplace.

  587. You got to set the culture yourself, even if it's just you.

  588. I'm going to cultivate safety. I'm going to walk through hard

  589. spaces knowing that it matures me and hopefully the other

  590. person as well. Not going to run.

  591. I've done the running, it just delays the inevitable.

  592. I'm going to stay. I have these 3 words for you.

  593. Return, repair and recommit. Return to community.

  594. Allow the community and you to them, them to you to do some

  595. healing, some repairing, and to make a commitment.

  596. We're not going to run from this table.

  597. We're going to stay when it gets hard.

  598. We're going to do the work knowing that the friction

  599. actually makes us better as we resolve it together.

  600. I have one question. You can write this down.

  601. Ask it of God. Ask it of.

  602. Someone you trust, but don't ask him unless you're willing to

  603. hear the truth. These 4 words, will you sharpen

  604. me? Thanks for joining us today.

  605. We hope God is speaking to your heart through this message.

  606. If you'd like to connect with us, you can text connect to

  607. 407-588-0115 or visit Illuminate dot church.

  608. Have a great week.