How to Forgive Someone Who Really Hurt You

That's my alarm clock for the next week 100%.

That was amazing 250 years happy belated birthday to this

country. Come on somebody 1776 who is

there for that make sure no time travels in this place or nothing

like that. But it's such a special I'm I'm

so grateful I'm about you. I love this country.

Who here either you or your family or say your parents

migrated over here from a different country.

Wow, look at the hands. That is so amazing.

I don't for some reason, sometimes this holiday can be

controversial. It should not be.

I'll give you a small example. Couple of years ago I was doing

travel around the country, part of a missions organization and

one of the guys that I was with, his name was Somsai and he was

from a country called Laos. And we were in this worship

service and after the worship service, he was bawling his eyes

out, just crying. But it wasn't just like a

worship cry. It was like a, a hurtful,

painful cry. And after what I asked him, you

know, hey, brother, what's what's going on?

Are you OK? And he looked at me dead in my

eye with tears down his face. And he said, I wish I could do

this in my country. So if there's any reason to

celebrate the freedom that we have, it's the freedom to be

able to worship our King and our God, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Today we're going to be in Matthew chapter 18.

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

If you're going to open up your Bibles, if you need a Bible,

raise your hand. We have ushers to give you

Bibles. I just want to get to the text

now that we were ready to go rock locking and loading.

I guess I was moving so crazy last service that I was like

sweating that Bruno came up to me was like, brother, are you

OK? I was like, I think I think I'm

OK. But so here we are.

Second service, grateful to be here.

Matthew chapter 18. You can open up to that text

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

now. Now I would say this, well, I'll

let me start here. We're talking about the unveiled

Kingdom, which is Jesus revealing his reign and rule on

this earth. What does it mean to live as

Kingdom people? We've been walking through, we

walk through Genesis now we're walking through the parables and

Jesus is giving us truths in the context, or I would say in the,

in a, the form of a story, what he would call a parable.

And so for us, our goal is the Lord's Prayer.

Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy

Kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

So the prayer is not for us to one day get to heaven, although

I hope to be there and be face to face with glory.

My prayer today is that we would see heaven on earth.

That's the prayer of Jesus and that's my prayer for this

message. And I would argue that what

we're going to be talking about today is one of the number one

reasons that that reality we do not see many times in our lives.

I would argue that this is one of the most important stories

that Jesus talks about. And I would say the reason why

many of us in this room can walk foot into church and walk out

the door and not experience freedom.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

And part of that freedom is wrapped up in the Word of God in

our lives. When we can just understand and

walk in obedience to His Word, we can experience freedom.

And so my hope and prayer is if you're someone in this life that

has not or in this time has not experienced freedom, I believe

that for you today. Jesus said, if you have the

faith of a mustard seed, the smallest seed, if you have that

kind of faith, the Lord Jesus Christ can move mountains in

your life. So and I believe that for you

today. Do you believe that for yourself

that God can change your life by the power of his Spirit and by

the word of God? I believe that for you a year

and a half ago, which is crazy how time flies.

My mom said when you get older, time flies.

She was right. OK, I don't know.

You hit 30 years old and then you're just like the you're just

the timeline just speeding up. A year and a half ago is when I

started here at Illuminate Church, and I was just getting

used to the staff. I was a week into learning about

the role I serve as a high school and young adults pastor.

What? What any of any of y'all here?

All three of you. OK, OK.

All right. Thank God.

All right. They're here.

Like what? Pastor Davis preaching.

We're not heading in. And I remember a year and a half

ago, the week of I walk into my office and I see like these,

these crumbs are like almost like ceiling tiled dust on my

table. And I was like trying to figure

out like what is going on here? And I and I, I'm, I'm looking

around and all of a sudden I look up.

That's Mr. Bean in my ceiling. So we have a Mr. Bean caricature

that gets moved around and someone with a ladder put Mr.

Bean in my ceiling tile. I literally died.

OK, I got brought back to life. I 100% died and I'm still trying

to forgive whoever did that. Maybe a staff member and her

name starts with AT. OK, but I'm not going to tell

you who. You just got to look on the the

Illuminate Church website. Still trying to forgive them to

this day. And I think that it's kind of

funny because if you think about it, like, think about your life,

right? If you imagine the most fun

times, the most enjoyous times, the times we've experienced,

like peak life, I almost guarantee you in some sense it

was with someone, right? It was in the context of

relationships, someone you were with.

Like, think of those glorious times, a wedding, a marriage, a

vacation, a graduation. Like, yeah, it might have been

an achievement for yourself, but what's so special is being able

to celebrate that with other people.

Our greatest moments and joys in life are in the context of

relationship with each other. But also, if you look back on

your life, I almost guarantee you that most of, if not all of

the hardest times of your life are also with people.

So this thing, this gift called relationship that God gives us

that we can walk in and experience and joy is also the

root of a of a lot of our pain. So much pain, so much so that we

can live years and decades of our life still living in that

pain that was caused by someone else.

A family member, a friend, a coworker, a boss, a manager, a

pastor, and whoever it is, they can be the cause of trauma and

pain that we carry with us for the rest of our lives.

And I hope and I pray that today you can walk out of here and not

have to carry the weight that you were never designed to

carry. I carried that weight for years.

I'm so familiar with that story. Looks like to carry that burden

when I was I was born in Los Angeles, CA Any Cali people here

in the house? Let's go.

All right, That's what I'm talking about.

And I lived there for five years.

OK, so not I was born there was not raised.

I visit later, but I love California as far as I can

remember. I think it was good.

I was 5 and I moved. My parents got divorced.

I was five years old, and my mom took me and my three other

siblings to New York shortly after we moved there.

Yet again, I'm about 5 years old.

She met my stepfather, who was a retired drill instructor.

And so he's someone that served in two decades, over 2 decades

in our military. By the way, if you served in

this country, thank you, thank you, thank you.

We would not be free if not for those that paid the sacrifice.

And so you I just want to say you can imagine maybe what his

household was like. My household was like it was one

of the, if not the hardest experiences of my life was being

in that household. Like like when I was be at

friend's house, their their punishments for doing wrong

things was like you can't play video games for me.

My punishments were like, hey, you can't have electricity in

your room till to this day. It wasn't until I was literally

16 years old that I lived with air conditioning and it gets

hot. OK, or it was like something

like this. My room was in the basement of

our house. And my punishment for not being

a good child or whatever the issue was, was you could not

turn up the heat the pellet stove in the basement to be able

to warm up the room. So I remember being 12/11/13

years old, literally in my covers trying to hide from the

frigid cold and I was not provided a solution.

And on top of that, it was things like I was not able to

shower back in the day. They had those little sand

timers, you know, like the little minute in the board

games. I had two minutes to shower.

And by the way, it wasn't when the water got warm, it was just

when the water turned on. So I would get 2 minutes, the

timer would go, I would turn on the water, I'd be freezing, I'd

wash my body, try and put shampoo.

I'd turn the water off, try and clean myself, turn the water

back on. Many, many times I would be left

with shampoo in my hair, soap all over me because the time for

my shower had ran out. Other times it was like if you

did this wrong thing, you wouldn't be able to eat

breakfast or lunch or dinner. I was 90, under 90 lbs as a high

schooler. I was so light because for, for

really lack of nutrition that they did not even have a

wrestling weight class for my weight.

And that's the environment that I grew up in.

And on top of that, it was the words, it was the slander, it

was the anger, it was the screaming, it was the yelling.

It was all the time walking on egg shells.

And I would be lying to you if I didn't say there was bitterness

growing over time, year by year. My three older siblings left.

A year later, my my older brother Danny left.

A few years later, when my sister was 16 years old, she

left. She wanted to get out of the

house. My brother made it to graduation

at 17. At 17 years old, he's like, I

got to get out of here. And every single year a sibling

would leave. It got harder and harder and

harder and to the point I was 15 years old.

If I were to be honest, I would say I did not want to live

anymore. That's where I was at.

And so I remember crying out to God and, and anger and

frustration and I said either I'm not going to live anymore or

I have to get out of here. A few months later, right before

I turned 16, I was going to be babysitting my cousin in New

Jersey and I thought, this is my escape plan.

So I was like, well, I'm going to bring all of the stuff that I

have and I'm going to take a one way flight out of New Jersey to

Florida, where my dad was living at the time, and I'm going to

buy a one way or I'm not going to buy.

I ain't got money, OK? My dad is going to buy a one way

flight ticket and I'm never coming back.

And so at that time I had saved up about $900, which when you're

15 years old, brother, that's like $80 million, OK, 900 bucks

in my bank account. And I purchased this computer,

which is like my prized possession, this big old clunky

computer. And I was trying to figure out a

way to get it in the car because I didn't want to let anyone

know. And so here I am.

I bring the monitor out. My mom's like, what are you

bringing a monitor? And then I bring this big old

suitcase, which was my, which was my computer.

And at that moment, she realized that I was moving out.

I wasn't coming back. I'll never forget this moment on

my driveway, 15 years old, my mom and I are playing tug of war

with my suitcase back bag and going back and forth and

screaming and yelling and cursing.

And I was at the end of myself. I did not even care anymore.

And my stepfather, he gets on the back porch and he's looking

at me. And my stepfather was one of the

scariest men I've ever met in my life.

And he looked at me and he screamed, what are you doing?

And I remember looking in the eye and said, I hate you.

I hate this place and I'm never coming back again. 15 years old.

It was the first time I saw I wouldn't even say resentment.

It was hurt and pain in his eyes.

I've never seen that before and I think in that moment he

realized he had gone too far. And so I left 15 years old hate

in my heart, bitterness and anger and I kept my promise for

years. So when it comes to this idea of

unforgiveness or forgiveness, I am someone that walked that

path, that lived that life, that knows what it means to carry

burdens and pains in our life. I know what it's like not

wanting to forgive. I know what it's like to carry

the burden of that pressure. And some of you, if you were to

be honest, you would be in that place right now.

And I want to encourage you and say Jesus knew in his infinite

wisdom that relationships would be messy.

Jesus knew that we would experience traumas, and Jesus

knew so much that he showed us a better way.

Jesus showed us a way to deal with our mess That happens in

relationships because Jesus knows the most beautiful

experiences are in relationship. When we think about our faith

walk, the most beautiful thing is that we have a relationship

with God. And guess what?

Jesus also saved all of these other people that are Kingdom

people and we are here from different countries and nations

and backgrounds and languages all as the family of God.

Is that not a beautiful picture of what God can do?

It's so beautiful what the Lord can do and the life of someone

bringing people together. And so he wants to show us a

better way. So right before we get to

Matthew 18, Jesus reveals his glory.

It's called the Mount of Transfiguration.

He gives a bunch of teachings about what does it mean to be

Kingdom people. So they recognize that Jesus had

a level of authority. He talks about those who are the

greatest are those who are the most humble.

And then Jesus talks about you cannot give in to temptation.

He says it's better to be without an eye or a foot to me

thrown into hell. Pretty intense language.

But and then he goes to say this, but yet your father

rejoices when one lost sheep ran away from God and yet comes back

home. And this is where we start in

verse 15. Jesus says this, if your brother

sins against you, go tell him his fault between you and him

alone. If he listens to you, you have

won your brother. Now this is important because

this is the second time in the Gospel of Matthew that Jesus

uses the word church or ecclesia.

So this is so in other words, if there's two times, if Jesus is

saying this is what my church is like, the first time was in

Matthew chapter 16 when Peter makes the confession that Jesus

Matthew 16 · chapter mention

Christ is the Messiah, Jesus Christ is the Son of God.

So the bedrock of this church, Jesus says on this rock, I will

build my ecclesia on this rock. I will build my church on this

confession of my lordship of me being the Messiah.

And then he says that one more time in chapter 18 and talking

about reconciliation with people.

In other words, Jesus says the bedrock of my church is not just

a confession of of my lordship in me being the Messiah, but

it's also how do we deal with conflict.

The foundation of a church is a healthy people that can manage

conflict well, and my prayer is that we would be a model of what

Jesus wants us to do. So what is Jesus doing here?

He's laying out a process, God's process for wholeness and

restoration. He gives us three steps here.

The first step is to share the truth on honestly and privately

with the goal of unity. Share the truth honestly and

privately with the goal of unity.

Now, in the Roman Empire, this was a little bit countercultural

because when people got an arguments, they would gather as

many people as possible to get on their side so that way they

would be honored again. So when there was an issue and

there was a tension, there was an issue about my honor and how

people should be treating me. And so I'm going to gather

family members, members, council members, government members, I'm

going to bring them so that way we can be reconciled.

But reconciliation was really just you saying that I'm right

and me being honored again. And what's interesting is Jesus

actually tells us the reason why we share the truth.

You might have missed it at the end of verse 16.

He says if he listens to you, you have won your brother.

In other words, when it comes to disagreements and tension, the

goal of a Christ follower living in the Kingdom of God is for

them rather than for you. And that flips the whole

perspective because when we go into a disagreement and we're

frustrated with someone, is not our goal to tell them how I

feel. It's not our goal to tell them

what I how I am, right? It's not our goal to to walk out

of there with a level of pride and conviction that I was the

one who was right. But Jesus says a Christ

follower, Kingdom culture type people, my goal and disagreement

is to win you over to unity. Again, that's something

different and that's something unique.

And unfortunately, a lot of us, I would say, has a pattern or a

behavior that we exhibit when we are sinned against.

For some of you, you like to withdraw from your pain and hide

it inside. You're someone that just bottles

us up. Like you just kind of ignore it.

You let it go. Typically, though, when you

bottle something up for too long, it tends to explode.

For some of you, it's to isolate, right?

When someone sins against you, I'm not going to talk to them.

I'm going to go some. I'm going to run away.

I'm going to hide some of you. It's to get angry.

You lash out, which caused the situation to be even worse.

You're trying to tell them how you really fear feel and anger.

And some of you, it's to get passive aggressive.

You're not aggressively trying to condemn them, but you're

passively doing it. So you can say, well, I didn't

always say anything bad, but you're taking shots behind their

back. I call them jabs.

You know what I'm talking about, passive aggressiveness.

Or for some of you, it's even to run.

And for me, that was my solution.

When I left New York and I moved away to Jacksonville, I then

moved to Gainesville and then I moved to San Diego and then I

moved to Phoenix, AZ and then I moved to Georgia and then I

moved to Winston, North Carolina.

Then I moved back home to New York.

And then I moved. And all of these moves was

because I was trying to run away from the pain.

But the fact is, you can't run away from bitterness and

unforgiveness. We cannot run away no matter how

far you travel. There are people here that have

traveled to the state because they wanted to leave a

situation. By the way, I'm grateful for

that. If you came here because you

were in a toxic situation, then then I'm I'm so grateful you're

able to get out of that. But how, why would you move away

from the problem while you're still carrying the problem?

It's time for us to find a level of resolution so we don't have

to carry this bitterness in our heart because we can either

pursue the problem out of anger and bitterness or we can run

away out of fear and pain. We can either aggressively try

and make something happen, responding out of anger,

responding out of frustration, or what we try and do is run

away because that's too touchy of a subject for me.

So the question is, when you think of even in your life, were

you even willing to have the conversation?

Were you even willing to talk to them in private and be able to

try and address this issue? And some of you are like, yeah.

And it went terrible. Thanks for asking.

I want to encourage you that Jesus knew it would not be easy.

He recognizes that that relationships can be messy and

He does not just leave us with Step 1 continuing in verse 16,

it says, but if he won't listen, take one or two others with you

so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses, every fact

may be established. So the second step is to share

the truth with community with the goal of clarity, sharing the

truth in the context of community, helping people,

having people with you to help with the goal of let us

understand why there's division to us.

Because if for some reason we have a conversation and there's

no solution, that means there's two perspectives that are not

being resolved. And that's why we have a

mediator. That's why we have counsel.

That's why you have a third party step into the room.

And what most of us do in this room is many times we don't even

have the conversation. And if we do have the

conversation and it doesn't go well, we.

Stop the process. But Jesus knew in many cases it

would not go well which is why he provided us a way in a step

to use. And I believe even if we do this

step we many times wait way too long.

Didn't you guys know this? Like think about in your life,

if there's someone that has sinned against you, the longer

you wait, the longer it festers, the more it builds up, the more

resentment, the more pain you start having conversations with

yourself that don't even exist. You internal processors, you all

know what I'm talking about. You've replayed that

conversation 18 times over again.

I'm probably underestimating. And so that that's not a healthy

way for us. And what happens, I would say is

we don't even do step one. And if we do, it's the most

unhealthy in our marriages. Think about it.

We do step one in our marriages specifically, over and over and

over and over and over and over again.

It's our favorite step. And so we'll tell our spouse

what's wrong with them. But then we wait way too long to

find a mediator to seek counsel. Counseling is a gift and a tool.

We should be able to use it. And if you're like, well, I

don't know if I can afford counseling.

Guess what? Even having a third party can be

such a great, such a great resource for us to be able to

reconcile with each other. What if we were willing to go to

Step 2 quicker and sooner that way instead of going to

counseling? Because we're not, we don't want

to get a divorce. We go to counseling because we

want a healthy marriage. Kingdom people in Kingdom

marriages aren't aren't marriages that are constantly

hanging on a thread. They thrive.

Now we go through hard seasons, we go through hard times.

I know what I know what I'm talking about.

Like I, I've experienced that myself.

But there should be a level of difference.

And that's because we follow God's process.

And I believe if we followed step one and step 290% of our

pains and 90% of our disagreements would be resolved

if we just follow Jesus process. And if you're still like, but

what if it doesn't go well, then Jesus got you covered.

All right, let's go to verse 17. Here's what he says.

And if he doesn't pay attention to them, tell the church.

And if he doesn't pay attention even to the church, let him be

like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.

So the third step is to share the truth with church authority

with the goal of humility. So we share the church, share

the truth with people in the church body.

That's why we have elders and pastors and people in leadership

to be able to have a godly perspective and help you guys

reconcile. And I love what Jesus says here.

I just want to back up a second. He talks about.

And if he doesn't pay attention even to the church, let him be

like a tax collector or a Gentile.

Jesus is saying if they won't even listen, then there's no

different than them and the rest of the world.

So one of the fundamental pieces of our walk with the Lord and

for us to be revealed as Kingdom people is to follow the process

of Jesus and to be humble, so much so that no matter the

conflict, we can somehow find some sort of resolution for it.

But if we're not willing no matter what, if we're not

willing at any point in time to be willing to reconcile with

someone, Jesus says, then there's no difference between

you and someone outside of the church.

Audio problems. But guess what's saying not

today. All right, We we ain't doing it.

Absolutely not. I've got to pick up a

microphone. We'll see what happens.

I guess I'm picking up a microphone.

Praise the Lord, Thank God. Look at this perfectly placed

microphone. Just it's almost like it

happened. First service.

OK, we almost there. 123ABC ABCDEFG OK, LONOP.

All right, wonderful. My goodness, Lord, we love you.

We love you so much. Let's let's continue on here.

In verse 18 to 20, Jesus says, truly, I tell you, whatever you

bind on earth will have been bound in heaven.

Whatever you loose on earth will have been loosed in heaven.

He's talking about this forgiveness idea.

And again, truly, I tell you, if two or three agree about any

matter that you pray for it, it will be done for you by my

Father in heaven. For where two or three are

gathered together in my name, key phrase, I am there among us.

Now verse 20, I would argue is one of the most popular verses

that's used out of context. Now I get why people say it.

I get it. We're recognizing when we're

gathered together, the presence of Jesus is real.

Absolutely. But that's not Jesus was talking

about. So if you say that prayer,

there's a small chance I'm cringing a little bit.

OK, I love you. It's just out of context.

So what is Jesus talking about? Because there's a deeper

meeting. Jesus is saying, when you follow

my process, when you follow my plan, when you seek my will,

when you seek my word, when you seek my way, the presence of God

is in that moment and what we're trying to deal with our pains in

our own way, and we wonder why it does not work.

And here's why. God is saying, I'm willing to

enter in that place, but you have to follow my process to

receive my presence. You have to be willing to walk

in obedience to my Word. We want the Jesus solution, but

we don't want the Jesus process. And many of us can have a habit

of doing it our way for so long. God is saying to you right now,

isn't it time that you let go of old habits?

Isn't it time that you let go of old patterns that do not produce

life? You know, they don't produce

life. It's time to do something

different. And here's the next big question

that many of us might be asking is, but what if I can't forgive?

That's an honest question. What if I can't forgive?

And I'm not going to stand here on this platform and minimize

some of the things you have gone through.

Some of you have gone through some of the most gruesome

divorces, the most gruesome divorces.

Some of you have had a close friend stab them in the back.

Some of you have dealt with years and years of trauma.

Some of you deal with people from your workplace that makes

work life a living hell. Some of you were in a

relationship and that person just wrecked your heart.

Some of you have dealt with physical and what I say sexual

abuse from a family member disgusting and in your heart

you're saying you have no idea what I've been through and all I

can say is your right. But the Lord does and the Lord

says in Psalm 3418. He says I am near to the broken

hearted and I save the crushed and spirit.

The more broken you may feel in a moment, even more close is the

presence of God. If you would just open up your

heart. I remember when I was 1920 years

old, I had a really bad breakup and everything.

When you're 19 and 20 is the end of the world, You know what I'm

talking about, OK? We got to grow up sometimes and

it was like the end of the world.

Someone that I was close with, it ended terribly.

We had this big back and forth argument and the conclusion of

it is we're done, it's over. And at that time, I was riding a

motorcycle. And so I get on my motorcycle,

put my helmet on and I start riding faster than I should

have. I start riding and I was in

Jacksonville. There's this bridge called the

Buckman bridge. It's like this multi mile

bridge. It takes a few minutes to get

over it. And here I am a motorcycle

helmet. And I'm just like bawling my

eyes out and I'm, I'm almost imagining the 8 year old in the

car like, wow, mom look, it's a guy in the motorcycle.

And I'm just like, Oh my goodness, my life is over.

Like that's just how I imagine it's happening.

And I'm on the I'm on this bridge where there's no cover

and it starts pouring. Literally I'm having the worst

day of my life and when it rains, it pours and it's, I'm

like, am I in a movie? Like what is even happening

right now? So frustrated.

So I finally get over the bridge.

I pull into the Panera. Just just overpriced food.

I, I pull into the Panera and I'm sitting there and not

getting food 'cause I couldn't afford it.

And I'm just at, I'm just in disarray.

I'm frustrated. And I remember I'm literally

looking down at the ground and I said, Lord, why am I even

serving you anymore? Honest prayer, Like, God, this

is so miserable. This is what's happening right

now. And a guy out of nowhere walks

up. He said, Sir, here's $10, lunch

is on me. Keep serving the Lord.

I'm in a moment of complete brokenness.

Yeah. And I'm, I'm looking at this

$10.00 bill. And before I can even look up,

he's gone. I don't know if it was an Angel,

I have no idea. But what I do know is this is

God is present in our pain. That's what I do know.

That's the truth. So then we get to this next

verse and and I love Peter because he literally represents

everyone in this room. So you hear the whole process.

Step one, Step 2, Step 3. And you're like, Dang, like

that's, that's kind of a lot of work.

I don't know about you, but that takes some time.

It takes some effort. And so here's Peter in verse 21.

It says, then Peter approached him and said, Lord, how many

times must I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me?

As many as seven times. So what Peter's trying to say is

like there's got to be a cap, you know, like like there's got

to be some sort of like, I hear what you're saying, Jesus, I

understand forgiveness. I get this idea, but at some

point, like there's got to be a limit in my opinion.

Like I'm like 7's too much. You know, I'm like you get 2 two

times and you're out. All right, three strikes, 'cause

I like baseball. That's about all you get.

So Peter's being honest, he's like, he's like, let's figure

this out. This is how Jesus responds in

verse 22. I tell you, not many as 7 Jesus

replied, but 77 times. Now this is important because

Jesus's response changes literally everything that we

know about pain, about suffering, and about hurt.

Jesus says we should forgive as many times as it happens the

number of completion. And I don't know about you, but

I don't like Jesus's answer. Let's just be real honest with

the text. Like I I am not a fan of what

Jesus is talking about here. I'm just struggling with one

time. And so then you ask the second

question, well why? Why must we forgive?

And I believe Jesus gives us 2 answers.

He begins by telling us a story in verse 23 telling us a

parable. He says for this reason the

Kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who wanted to

settle accounts with his servants.

In this story the king is clearly God.

So is the king or God himself is settling debts owed to him.

Verse 24 he says. It says when he began to settle

accounts, one who owed 10,000 talents was brought before him.

Now this is an astronomical amount of money.

Talents. This many talents is worth

between 10 and $12 billion in modern money, which I'm like,

brother, what did you buy? Like take me on a shopping

spree? My goodness, like 10 to $12

billion, that's an astronomical amount.

Like what did you do to even incur that much debt?

Insane amount of money verse 25 it says since he did not have

the money to pay back, his master commanded that he, his

wife, his children and everything that he had sold to

pay the debt. Back in the Roman days it was

commonplace for people to go into slavery to pay off the

debts. Now, let's be honest is is that

even happening would not justify the debt that he incurred.

But at least for this master, it would be enough for justice to

be done. So wouldn't absolve all the

debt, but at least there'd be some sort of justice for all the

debt that he incurred. And then in verse 26, it says at

this the servant fell face down before him and said, be patient

with me and I will pay you everything.

No, you ain't you ain't going to pay him everything like you're

too far gone. And this is what happened.

The master of that servant had compassion, released him and

forgave him the loan, which I want to say this, if you run a

bank in here and you want to loan me $10 billion, which you

will later forgive, find me out in the lobby.

All right? I just want to throw that

request out there. If someone has it on their heart

I want to say that. But think how crazy though that

response is, all of this debt and he has compassion and

sympathy and says you're free, you're free to go.

So what does this man do? Verse 28 that servant went out

and found one of his fellow servants who owed him 100

denarii. So mind you this is about 3

months wages maybe a few $1000 at most and he grabbed him and

started choking him and said pay what you owe.

This is the immediate response of a man who was just forgiven

10 to $12 billion and he goes out to one of his friends and

servants and chokes him and say you owe me this money.

What a response. At this his fellow servant fell

down and began begging him. Sounds familiar from earlier Be

patient with me and I will pay you back.

But he was not willing. Instead he went and threw him

into prison until he could pay what was owed.

And when the other servants saw what had taken place, they were

deeply distressed and went and reported to their master

everything that had happened. And then after he had summoned

him, his master said to him, You wicked servant, I forgave you

all that debt because you begged me.

Shouldn't you also have had mercy on your fellow servant as

I had mercy on you? And because he was angry,

rightfully angry, his master handed him over to the jailers

to be tortured until he could pay everything that was owed.

And I don't want you to miss this last verse.

So also my heavenly Father will do to you unless everyone of you

forgives his brother or sister from his heart.

We sit here and we listen to the story and we ask the question.

I don't understand why the servant would respond that way

after he had just been forgiven. How could like how could he lack

so much compassion after the king forgave a debt he could not

pay? And God is saying to us is did

you forget the debt that was paid for you?

Did you forget the debt that was forgiven?

Because I sent my son and your entire life you lived in

wickedness and as an enemy of God, and you wanted nothing to

do with me. And yet in your sins and in your

trespasses, I sent him to provide a way so you could be

free and forgiven. And it's so similar to a

situation in First Corinthians chapter 6, the apostle Paul,

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

he's addressing the same issue of people in the church that

have pretty much spat on the grace of God.

And in verse 9, I'm going to start, here's what he says.

He says, don't you know that the unrighteous will not inherit

God's Kingdom? Do not be deceived.

No sexually immoral people, no idolaters, adulterers, males who

have sex with males, no thieves, greedy people, drunkards,

verbally abusive people, or swindlers will inherit the

Kingdom of God. And the apostle Paul is creating

a category of those that are separate from God's Kingdom.

And it's easy to look at that. And you're saying, well, I guess

the apostle Paul is mad. This is Holy Scripture and we

have to read to the end. What is the point that he's

trying to make in verse 11? And some of you used to be like

this as a believer in Jesus. This is called BC, before

Christ, before you're connected, before you were saved, before

you were redeemed, before you were forgiven, and you are

defined by your sin. That's what some of you were

like. And I had a conversation a few

months ago. I was talking to Rihanna.

She's our kids director. She's amazing.

And I was just asking. We had like a really personal

conversation. I was like, man, Rihanna, where

were you five years ago? Just think about it, like where

were you five years ago? And she looked at me and she

said, where was IA year ago? Like how much God can do?

God can do more in one year than you can do 100 years on your

own. That's the God that we serve.

That's what we serve. And here's how it ends.

The end of verse 11. Such were some like you, but you

were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were

justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the

Spirit of our God. That's who it used to be.

But you've been saved, you've been justified, you've been

redeemed, you've been forgiven. So why must we forgive?

Because we have been forgiven of our greatest sins with His great

love. That's the fact of the Gospel.

We've been forgiven that kind of way.

And some of you might be saying, but, but pastor, I don't really

feel that right now. I still feel the brokenness.

I still feel the hurt. I still feel the same.

I still feel the heartless and the hopelessness.

And I want to say there's one more reason that Jesus gives us

in Matthew chapter 5, verse 22 to 24.

Matthew 5:22–24

Here's what Jesus says, but I tell you, everyone who is angry

with his brother or sister will be subject to judgment.

Whoever insults his brother or sister will be subject to court.

Whoever says you fool will be subject to Hellfire.

Jesus is saying the anger and the frustration and the division

will receive judgment not just on earth, but when you face me

in heaven. And here's what he says in verse

23. These powerful words.

So if you are offering your gift on the altar in the synagogue

and there you remember that your brother or sister has something

against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar.

First go and be reconciled with your brother and sister and then

come and offer your gift. So if you're coming to this

church and you're coming to God and you're, you're going to this

place to be restored, to be redeemed, to be forgiven and you

want freedom, Jesus says go. He says, go back home.

He says, go make that phone call.

He says, go send that text. He says, go have that

conversation. Go say what needs to be said.

Why? Because for us, we can never be

free unless we forgive. Jesus believed this so much.

He said, I would rather you stop worshipping for just a moment to

go and reconcile. That's how much the Lord Jesus

believes in this. And so years past, I left my

home. I was 15 years old.

I kept my promise, never came back, made a mess of my life, 24

years old and I said, Jesus, for the rest of my life I'm done

trying to follow myself. I'm going to follow you, Lord,

whatever you tell me to do, I'm going to do it, whatever it is.

One month after that prayer to the Lord, my mom gives me a

phone call. And mind you, I have, I have

spoken to her maybe three to four times in 10 years, had not

seen or spoken to my stepdad since I had left.

And she calls me on the phone and she shares with me that her,

her husband, my stepfather had Parkinson's disease.

He was on blood thinners. He was struggling to walk.

And if you're on blood thinners and you fall, it could be

catastrophic. You could, you could die.

And she's lacking time off. She doesn't know how to care for

him. And on that phone call, God says

go home. I hung up the phone and I said

absolutely not. I said, Jesus, I'll do anything

but that. And here I am praying before the

Lord and the Lord has asked me this simple question.

Did you really mean what you said?

Go home. So I called my mom a couple

weeks later. It took me some time and we're

on the phone and I said mom I'm coming back home.

At that time I was living in North Carolina.

I was dating someone who serious relationship ended up becoming

my wife. Had a good job living at home

like life was great. Quit my job, left my girlfriend

and went home. And I remember driving up with

all my stuff in my car and seeing him for the first time.

And I don't even know how I would feel.

There's a lot of feelings. But I served him.

I served and loved the man that I hated, not just like I hated

this man. And I served and I loved him to

the glory of God. And three months later, we're at

the dinner table just by ourselves.

And I finally had the courage to ask the question.

Why didn't need any other context.

He knew what I was asking. Why did you treat me like this?

And he was a man of very few words.

He paused for a moment, looked at me, and he said, because I

was angry. And for some of you're like,

that wasn't a good answer. But for me it finally made sense

because when he said I was angry, in that moment I saw a

reflection of him in me. It was like a mirror.

The last 10 years of my life, I was driven by anger and

bitterness. And in that moment, I just had

this sense of compassion and empathy because I saw myself as

God saw me as Jesus saw me. When I was angry and I was

bitter and I was frustrated and I was living in sin.

The Lord had compassion and sympathy on me.

And how could I not give him that same compassion?

How could I not give him that same sympathy?

How could I not give him that same mercy?

How could I not forgive him? I had been forgiven.

And here's what's so powerful about it.

That moment changed my relationship with him because I

did not view him as an enemy. I view him.

I viewed him as God. Seed him in love and compassion.

Three months after that moment, he was at my wedding.

Five years later, and I want to put up this last picture here.

Five years later, I had just been ordained as a new pastor

and I was doing my first funeral and it was his.

Before God gave me a beautiful wife, before God gave me a

greater purpose, before God changed my life, the first thing

He had me do was deal with the anger and unforgiveness in my

heart. But God is reminding us that we

have to follow His process to receive His presence.

We have to be willing to have the conversation, to seek help

and get a mediator. We have to ask for church

support. If we can't solve the problem,

we need to be able to forgive and reconcile.

And I want to give you before you walk out of this space,

three things and I believe three steps to walk and freedom person

a pain in a process when you think in your life, what is that

person's name? What is their name of the person

that hurt you? Second thing, how did they hurt

you? What is the what is the pain

that you have in your heart because of something that

happened? And third thing, what is the

process? What is your first step?

And for some of you, you might say, I don't know if I can do

it. And your first step is just to

pray, just to ask for the Lord. Because here's what I'll tell

you. The type of forgiveness that God

has called us to is supernatural.

It's supernatural. And God isn't going to give us a

command that He's not going to empower us to do.

It's by the power of the Holy Spirit.

And I want to make it clear, I'm not the hero in the story.

I'm not this holy man. I'm a kid that was broken and

destitute and the Lord changed my life from the inside out.

And he said, I want you to go. I didn't even want to go.

So my story is a story of Jesus redeeming me and me trying to

see that redemption in others. It was because of him.

Jesus is the hero of the story. He is the one that changes

everything. He does all of that and so if

you go back, if you have the conversation and reconciliation

is not possible, forgiveness always is because you can never

be free unless you forgive and you can't truly receive the

forgiveness of God without even being able to forgive others.

That's a product of being Kingdom people and above all

else, and I'll end here is an order for you to even walk in

that power or walk in that authority.

It starts with a relationship with the Lord.

You can't do it apart from Him, and so if you've never been

forgiven yourself, that's the first step.

The fact is, Jesus Christ live the perfect life, died on a

cross for your sins, was bloodied and bruised and beaten,

died and three days later rose again.

And when He did that, He created access for you to be forgiven

for your sins and your evils and your brokenness to be castaway

as far as the East's from the West.

In other words, when God looks at you for those that have a

relationship with Jesus, he does not even see your past sins.

He doesn't even see the pains. He doesn't even see the

brokenness. He sees you as a son and as a

daughter. And my hope and prayer is that

some of you, before you leave, you would make a profession of

faith this morning because there's no better way than

Jesus. There's no greater hope than

Jesus. There's no greater savour than

Jesus. Let's pray.

Heavenly Father, we thank you, Lord, for your presence, your

compassion, your empathy, your love, your care, your kindness.

And what I pray right now for the hearts that are served in

this room. I pray God first for those that

you are revealing something that is time to let go of people in

this church, people in their family, people back at home

where wherever that is. God, I ask God that you would

give them the strength, give them the courage to walk in

freedom. Give them the the power to walk

and follow the process. I pray for those hearts in this

room and I pray God for the one. If it's just one, Jesus, you

said you left the 99 to find the one, just one who wants to make

a profession of faith. I pray God that by your Holy

Spirit you would bring them to that place.

And so we're going to pray a prayer together as a body.

Let's say, Heavenly Father, I recognize that I am a Sinner and

I need forgiveness. I believe that Jesus died on the

cross for my sins and I confess that Jesus rose from the grave,

is my Lord and is my Savior in Jesus name.

And if you're praying that for the first time, I want to

encourage you to make that personal just for a moment.

Just be mindful of a holy moment.

Just say, Lord, I don't even know what this means fully Lord,

but I know I trust in you. I believe in your sacrifice.

I have faith. And if that's you in this space,

on the count of three, I'm going to ask you to raise your hand in

boldness as a sign of profession.

We have something to give you. We have something to bless you

with. So if that's you, you're making

a profession of faith today. On the count of you, raise your

hand 123 anyone in here? Today is the day of salvation.

Don't let a day go by. Thank you, Jesus.

You can. Once you can receive a gift, you

can put your hand down. Thank you, Jesus.

Thank you, Jesus for your forgiveness.

Thank you, Lord, and I think for those that just made a

profession of faith and as the body of Christ, I want us to

stand. And before you came in, you were

given communion elements. And I think it's appropriate

before ending a service on forgiveness that we're reminded

of the reason that we have forgiveness, which is the

sacrifice of Jesus. If you don't have a communion

element, feel free to raise your hand.

We have ushers that can bring some extras around.

Keep those hands raised. And this is what all throughout

church history the church has called a sacrament.

It's a it's a sacred thing by which we walk in obedience to

the Lord. And when Jesus picked up the

bread, he gave thanks and he says, this is my body which is

broken for you. Do this in remembrance of me.

You can take worship this last song.