Living In Relationship | Live Well (Part Six)

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connect with us online at Riverbend Church dot live.

I am so happy, so thrilled to be able to gather back together.

Aren't you so absolutely whoever whoever prayed for snow and ice,

congratulations, God answered your prayers.

Now stop. We are so tired of slippery

sidewalks, having to make calls about services, and dripping our

faucets at night, aren't we? But we are so thankful as well

to be able to stay tuned in and plugged in together through

technology and through through streaming.

But there's nothing like coming back together under the same

under the same roof, is there? So if you're with us last

Friday, we pivoted from our Sunday morning service to last

Friday night. If you were with us last Friday

or tuned in with us on Sunday morning for, for our stream, you

know that we continued on in our series called live Well, Live

well. And this morning we're going to

continue on with that. Here's the overall premise.

If you're new to Riverbend, First of all, welcome.

My, my name is Ben. We'd love to get to love to get

to meet you personally. Thank you for choosing to be

here with us. You know, I know that during,

during the the pre pre service announcements, if you were in

here, Julie talked about if you're new to Riverbend, we

would love to connect with you. Probably the easiest, most

efficient way for that to happen is that connect card that you

received on your way in. We promise we do not stalk you.

We do not spam you. We do not make it weird.

We just simply want to connect you with some people, maybe

similar age or stage. Just because we understand how

important relationships are. That also let's us know where to

mail a small gift, thank you gift out into the mail to you.

But to kind of bring us all up to speed, we've been in a series

started back at the beginning of January called Live Well, Live

Well. I'll go ahead and introduce you

to the, to the main truth or what we call the big idea that

we've been revolving around throughout this series.

And it's this. To live well is to live God's

way. Firm in faith, steady and trials

and anchored in hope. Firm in faith, steady and trials

and anchored in hope. And if you think about it,

whether you're new to Riverbend or you call Riverbend home,

whether you're in the room with us or you're joining us online,

I think every single one of us, we're in some type of setting or

context to where being firm in our faith or being steadied in

trials or being anchored in hope is required, right?

So living well doesn't so much have to do with what's going on

around you as much as it is what's got what God is doing in

and through you. What God is doing in and through

you is really the main determiner of whether or not you

and I can truly live well. Again, if you were with us last

weekend, we talked about a component of living well is

living under the authority and how we navigate the authority

that God has has placed over us. Last week I opened up with a,

with a question and it, it, it continues just to be so

applicable and so relevant and, and, and here was the question.

Does anybody really struggle as a follower of Jesus to figure

out how to rightly navigate the current political landscape?

We talked about like last week, we talked about from the movings

and shakings and from Venezuela to Greenland to the World

Economic Forum and Davos and shifting global alliances to to

to ICE and immigration and then even even on into into this week

a highly, highly racist post that went out.

This is all on top of a highly charged political and polarized

environment. Do do you do you wonder how, as

a follower of Jesus, how I'm called to navigate that We we,

we spent time on that last week. What I didn't know last week is

that Sunday morning my parents would be watching that from from

their living room because they they got they got snowed in and

iced him from their church. And when I asked that question,

I don't want to misquote my mom, when I asked my question, this

is what my mom turned to my dad and said, quote, has he lost his

ever loving mind? Has he lost his ever loving

mind? And maybe maybe you wonder the

same thing. And here's what I would tell you

is something that you probably don't know is these messages,

they're actually planned out a year in advance.

They're actually planned out a year in advance.

So where God's Word takes us is where God's Word takes us.

And what I would tell you is this morning, buckle up and

strap in. Because where God's Word is

going to take us this morning is no less controversial than where

we were last week. But I also believe that it has

the potential to bring about the deepest and most lasting change

in our lives and in the lives of our families.

So you may find yourself after we read this passage and maybe

even the first sentence of this passage, you may find yourself

echoing the sentiments of my mom and go, has he lost his ever

loving mind? And the fact of the matter is,

is what we're going to walk through is Scripture.

It's the word of God. So we've got to know what it

says and what it means and how it applies to our lives that all

Scripture, not just our favorite verses, all Scripture is God

breathes and it is helpful for us.

So with that said, I want to invite you, if you have a Bible

with you, find first Peter chapter 3, first Peter chapter 3

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention 1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

and we're going to pick it up in verse one.

Here we go. Likewise, wives, be subject to

your own husband's, so that even if some do not obey the word,

they may be 1 without a word by the conduct of their wives, when

they see your respectful and pure conduct.

Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair

and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you

wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart,

with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which

in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women

who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to

their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him

Lord. And you are her children, if you

do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

Likewise verse 7. Likewise, husbands, live with

your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman

as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace

of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

See what I mean? You may be asking yourself, has

he lost his ever loving mind? Here's what I think is really

important for us to to unpack and for us to understand.

I think if we're really going to understand what what Peter is

writing and what Peter means and what God has for us in this

passage, first and foremost, we need to understand and be very

clear on what Peter's not saying and what God is not

communicating here. So if you're taking notes with

us, I want to walk through 4/4 things that this passage is not

saying. Here's the first one.

This passage is not saying it's not about chauvinism.

It's about shared fulfillment. This is not about chauvinism.

It's not about sexism. It's not about like man being

the superior gender. It's not about chauvinism.

It's about shared fulfillment. I think that we would all agree

that our culture sharply bristles at the words.

Likewise, wives, submit to your own husbands.

And maybe we're here this morning or with us online this

morning. And that phrase, that

terminology, it, it kind of makes you a little squirrely, a

little bit like, you know, that it's there in Scripture.

You're just not really sure. Like, OK, So what do I do with

this? What do I do?

Because our culture so sharply bristles, and I think that we

sharply bristle and we become very uncomfortable with that

verbiage because we have a gross misunderstanding of what God is

communicating to us. You see, this is not about

chauvinism. This is about shared

fulfillment. Let me kind of unpack some key

understandings that we kind of need to get up underneath our

belt to kind of walk through what that even means.

Number one, men and women were both created by God in the image

of God. Number two, men and women are

both of extreme value to God #3 God created marriage for the man

and the woman to come together as one and to walk together in

unison. And in order to walk together in

unison, he has created the husband to lead the family, to

lead his wife in godliness. You see, when there's a

breakdown in any of that understanding, by the way, as a

follower of Jesus, there is no room and there is no space for

chauvinism or sexism at all in any of our minds, in any of our

practices. This is not about chauvinism.

This is about shared fulfillment.

When a husband and wife come together as one and are walking

together in unison and the husband is leading in godliness

and the wife comes up underneath and supports the husband's

leadership in the pursuit of godliness, then both husband and

wife and the family is able to live in shared fulfillment.

Second thing, this passage is not saying it is not about

neglecting appearance. It's about a God shaped heart.

It's not about neglecting appearance.

Remember when Peter talks about like women, do not let your

adorning be external. The braiding of hair or wearing

of jewelry. Some of you husbands were

sitting there going yes, I've got a verse that gets me out of

Valentine's Day. That is not what Peter is

saying. That is not what Peter's saying.

Peter in this passage is not talking about neglecting our

physical appearance. What he is doing is he is

redirecting our focus away from cultural beauty standards to

what God sees is actually beautiful and precious in you.

I think that we would all agree and don't point when I say this.

We would all agree that it is quite possible for someone to be

beautiful on the outside yet ugly on the inside.

We also know that what God cares about the most is the heart to

take it, to shape it, and to form it into one that starts to

resemble and love and care like His.

This is not Peter. This is not God saying to

neglect the external. It is prioritizing the internal.

Third thing this passage is not saying.

It's not about commanding a title.

It's about relational respect. How many of you in your Bibles

have highlighted or underlined as Sarah called her husband

Abraham Lord? Probably not many of us right

now. This is not a command to wives

to refer to their husband as Lord.

Although if Julie does, I'm not going to correct her.

And if you know Julie, you sit there and go.

Fat chance of that. This is not about commanding a

title, is about relational respect.

And here's what I mean by relational respect.

Study after study after study after study has concluded that

men have an innate need within them, within us to feel

respected and believed in to feel respected and believed in.

That means wives, you have God has placed you in a position to

speak life and to speak power into his very veins by looking

wives, by looking at your husband and go, hey, listen, I

just want to let you know I respect you and I believe in

you. You want to talk about giving

your husband speaking something directly into his veins that

will cause him to want to run through a brick wall and make

him think he can conquer the world.

It's a wife looking at her husband.

Say, hey, I just want to let you know and I respect you.

You're an idiot sometimes, but I respect you and I, I believe in

you. And because you know what, you

know that you have the power and the influence to speak that into

his very veins, it's not a bad idea for you to look at your

husband later on today and go, hey, I just want to let you know

I respect you and I believe in you.

Now don't go do something stupid.

This is not this is not about demanding or commanding a title.

It's about relational respect within the context of marriage.

Fourth thing that Peter's not talking about, It's not about

inferiority or frailness. It's about treasured protection.

You know how I said at the very beginning of this passage?

Likewise, likewise, wives submit to your husband's caused us to

kind of bristle a little bit there.

There's some more verbiage at the end of this passage where it

says it refers to the woman as the weaker vessel.

That caused us to bristle a little bit as well.

What does that mean? What does that not mean?

Well, I can tell you as someone who recently started going to

the gym in the mornings, this is not just talking about physical

because sadly, there's a lot of women at that gym.

They're a lot stronger than me. It's not just physical.

What Peter is talking about, what the Holy Spirit of God is

leading Peter to right here. It's not talking about women

being inferior. It's not talking about women

being frail. It's talking about women being

treasured, valuable. It, it, it's almost the imagery

of taking fine China or, or, or or or porcelain or guys, let me

kind of put it, put it on the low shelf for, for us, that

brand new truck or that boat. If you, if you're a collector

of, of sports memorabilia, the, the, the way in which you

protect that sports memorabilia, that that's almost the attitude

that husbands we are to take with our wives, that we don't

view them as weaker vessels as in lesser than.

We view them as very delicate and treasured and and valuable,

which means that as God calls the husband to lead the family

in godliness, we are to lead our wives with gentleness and with

respect and with care. And we're going to come back to

that thought later on. So these are the four things

that this passage is not talking about.

So what is this passage really all about?

In other words, why is it here for us in first Peter and what

is our take away to be like? What are you and I we?

What are we to gain from it? How are we to grow from it and

in and because of it? I think it really all goes back

to the fact that God uses relationships to refine us more

than He uses anything else. It's about being refined by

relationships. Follow on with me in this

thought if you're taking notes with us.

We need to understand that God grows us by removing what harms

us, restoring what's broken in US, and building what's missing

in us. When we talk about it, it's very

easy for us to come into a church setting and just throw

out like Christian phrases or what we would call Christianese

and everybody kind of nods their head, but we're not really sure

on what it really means, right? So we talk about like, hey, God

wants to grow you or I'm being grown in Christ.

What are we talking about? What do, what do we really mean?

Like if someone that had no context whatsoever to church

vernacular, how would we explain what it means that God wants to

grow them, that God is growing you?

Well, it simply means that God takes who we once were and he's

slowly but surely transforming them into who he created us and

desires for us to be. That is how God grows us.

That's the definition of God grows us.

The way in which He does it is really through three primary

categories is he removes what harms us.

He removes from within us the things that harm us.

And what I mean by that is the things that harm us in that

category or or or or or or or sin struggles or sinful habits

or addictions. Maybe it's a prideful sense.

Maybe God needs to remove a prideful sense of independence

within us. This attitude of hey, I've got

it, maybe, maybe it is sexism or racism that that's deeply

rooted. It can be anything and

everything that is within us that is no longer compatible

with the new US that God created us to be.

It could be anything and everything that is in us that is

no, that is not compatible with the heart of God.

God wants to remove that from our lives so that we can

resemble so that our heart can resemble more of his heart.

That's a part of him growing us. A second way that he grows us is

by removing or restoring what's what's broken.

Restoring what's broken. God wants to restore.

Maybe, maybe there was an innocence that was that was

taken away from you. God wants to restore that.

Maybe there there there's a hope that that has been destroyed.

Maybe there was a previous hope in in in your life.

There was a previous hope about you that has been since

destroyed by some maybe unwise or even sinful decisions and

choices that you've made. Maybe there was a joy that used

to be about you that that's been that's been taken from you.

God wants to restore those things in your life, the

innocence and the hope and the joy and many, many other things

God wants to restore in your life.

So God grows us by restoring what's been broken within us.

And then there's a third category that he grows us.

He restores us by building what's missing.

And every single one of us in this room and online, every

single one of us. We have things in our lives that

are missing from our lives. And until God builds those

things up in us, then we can never be who God created us to

be or desires. For us to be what what I mean by

that is, is maybe what God wants to grow in you is a is a hunger

and a thirst to know him even more and to make him known even

more widely like never before. Maybe what's missing within you

that God wants to build up in you is a grace and a mercy

towards others that has never been present, that's never been

a part of your former MO, but it needs to be there and God needs

to build that within you. It can be many, many things that

are missing in you that God needs to build up in you.

And before we go any further, I, I just want to kind of pause and

ask you to reflect on a question.

If God's growing us through these three categories and God

desires to grow every single word of us, which he does, how

would you just between you and God?

How would how do you sense that God is growing you right now,

this morning in this stage and season of your life?

Do you sense that God is growing you by removing the things in

you that are no longer compatible with his heart?

Do you sense that that God is growing you by restoring what

what was previously broken? And if So, what is specifically

what's he restoring? Do you sense that God is growing

you by building in you what's missing in your life?

And if so, like what? What is he building within you?

What's he building within you? Whatever it may be, however you

may define that, however you may sense God is growing you,

whether it's removing what harms or restoring what's broken or

building what's missing, chances are very good that that growth

in you is probably not happening in isolation.

Is it? Here's why #2 for taking notes

with us. Relationships are both God's

main tool for shaping us and the main place that shaping becomes

visible. Relationships are his main tool

for shaping us and also the main arena in which that shaping

becomes most evident. Going back to first Peter 3

verse one, did you pick up the the first word?

It's, it's at the top of your of your note sheet.

Print at the top of your note sheet.

It's the word. Likewise here here's here's the

importance of that word. It tells us even though first

Peter 31 is the beginning of a passage, first Peter 31 is also

a continuation of a context that's going on throughout

Peter's letter to the Christians spread throughout the Roman

Empire, modern day Asia Minor that were suffering through

persecution of the state. If you look back at first Peter

2, you can see where God is is, is teaching us and he's giving

us his commands of how as a follower of Jesus, we're to be

in relationship with authority. If you keep reading in the

latter part of First Peter chapter 2, you can read how

1 Peter 2 · chapter mention

Peter kind of unpacked for the early Christians, how they're to

be in relationship with their supervisors or their employers.

And here by the time we get to 1st Peter 31, he's talking about

how you and I are to be in relationship with our spouse.

And if you think about it, it really does make a lot of sense,

right? Whether whether it's through the

arena of being a citizen, an employee, or a spouse, our

relationships with one another are the primary arena into which

you and I can really apply the teachings and the words and the

truth of Scripture. And not only that, we can also

use that as a pretty good and pretty significant self

diagnostic of the work that God has done and the work that He

still needs to do in and through US.

Here's what I mean. It's, it's in the context of

relationships that we can look at, like how we talk to people,

how we see people, how we treat people, how we pray for people.

And you know, we've said this before, it's the people like

you, it's the people not like you.

It's the people who like you. It's the people that don't like

you. It's the people who think and

believe and vote like you. And it's the people that don't

believe or think or vote like you.

It's everyone relationships, the relationships that are in mind

in your life are the primary arena to which we can apply the

truth of God's word. They're also going to be the

primary arena that that change and that transformation is most

evident in US. You ever, you ever, you ever

been in a work relationship to where there was somebody that

was just really hard to love and you're like, man, I don't even

like them, much less love them. Yeah.

You ever been in a, in a work relationship to where for so

long and, and, and, and there's been a journey of God growing

you, whether that's removing what harms or, or restoring

what's broken or building what's missing.

And the person that you just kind of like really just

constantly butted heads with in the kindest of ways, looked at

you and said, Hey, I don't want you to get a big head, but

you're not nearly as big of a jerk as you used to be.

That's affirmation of God's growth in you.

Relationships are the primary arena in which God refines us

and grows us, and they're also the primary arena which that

growth is most evident. You may say, OK, what does that

have to do with this text #3 there's no relationship that

shapes us like marriage. There's no relationship that

shapes us like marriage. That is not at all a negative

statement. That is not at all meant to take

on a negative connotation. It is just an acknowledgement

that when you have two independent people, a man and a

woman, a husband and a wife coming together in marriage that

are used to doing their own thing in their own way, in their

own timing, with now the shared goal of walking together in

unison. Let's just say that sometimes

friction happens and it's through the friction that God

can most shape our faith. It's through the friction that

God can most shape our faith. I haven't even mentioned and

we're talking about two people coming together as one, walking

in unison, used to doing their own thing in their own way, in

their own time. Haven't even mentioned the fact

that you have two people that are bringing in their own

habits, their own baggage and their own sin.

And to the equation, I can't tell you how many times that

I've sat down and and done counselling with marriage

counselling with couples. And it's not that they said this

out loud, but they pretty much, it's very obvious that they came

into marriage assuming something that was completely wrong.

This was the assumption. And maybe maybe you think this

right now and it's really good that we kind of get this out of

the way. They assume that magically and

mystically, the husband, once they get married, the husband

will fix all the issues in the wife.

She really believes that and the husband really believes that

hey, all of my baggage, my wife, once we get married, my wife,

she's going to fix that. You know the you complete me,

not a Bible verse. Listen, marriage is not like

math 2. Negatives don't make a positive.

In actuality, here's what happens.

You got double the baggage, you got the double the baggage.

So of course, marriage gets really complicated.

It gets really complicated and it gets really hard.

Listen, there's many more statements that I could have

written about this, but here's the gist.

Marriage exposes our selfishness faster than anything else.

By the way, when I go down these don't elbow each other and look

at each other goes he's talking to you.

Marriage exposes our selfishness faster than anything else.

Marriage reveals what's really in our hearts under pressure.

Marriage makes evident our need for God's grace in US and growth

of us. Listen, and all this is to take

place. God's plan for us is all to take

place over the long haul. It's no wonder that there's no

relationship that refines us more, that God uses more to

shape us like marriage. So here's what I want to do is

we turn to go on the final lap this morning.

I want to speak first of all to, to, to wives.

I'm going to speak to wives and then I want to speak to

husbands. What does God have for you this

morning? What does God want your take

away to be this morning? First of all, you are seen.

You were loved, you were valuable, and you were

treasured. And I hope, if you're married, I

hope, I hope, I hope, I hope that your husband makes you feel

that way and remind you of that. But if not, never allow the

failings of a man to diminish who you are to the king.

Never allow the failings of a man to diminish who you are to

the king. Second, God wants to grow you.

God loves you so much. There's an old, old saying, but

it's so very true. God loves you so much and he

loves you just the way that you are, but he loves you too much

to leave to leave you that way. It's an old Henry Blackaby

statement. So ladies, in the house with us

wives, God has great plans for you.

God loves you. God wants to grow you, and God

wants to use you. God wants to use you exactly

where you are, and he wants to use the influence that he wants

to build in you. You see what we're saying here

is Christ like character to the wives.

Christ like character creates Christ centered influence.

You see, you will start to notice when God grows you,

whether it is through removing what's harmful from within you,

restoring what's broken or building what's missing.

What will take those things place?

The harmful, the missing and the broken.

What will take those that place will be things like an enhanced

love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and

gentleness and self-control. Can I just offer something up to

the to the wives this morning in the room and online.

The influence that you have over your husband is far greater by

exhibiting Christ like influence and he will be much more open to

experiencing the relationship that you have with God for

himself through your Christ like influence then constant

confrontation then from critique.

Listen, no one, no one was ever argued to the cross of Jesus.

The invitation of Jesus is always extended through grace

and invitation. Listen, things like constant

confrontation and critique can easily be ignored.

A changed life is undeniable. So Christ like character leads

to Christ centered influence. Second message to the ladies

Submission. Submission is really confidence

in God. Submission is confidence in God.

Submission is not about being controlled by your husband.

Submission has nothing to do with checking your heart or your

brain at the door and blindly following.

The blind. Submission is you realizing that

as much as you love your husband, God loves your husband

even more. And as much as you desire your

husband to know him and to follow him, God desires that

even more. And as much as you want God, as

much as you want your husband to take the godly lead in your home

and over your family, God not only desires that more, but

through the power of the Holy Spirit, He is capable of

bringing that about. Submission is confidence and

faith in God. Submission is not about

suppression. Here's an exercise for you

ladies, for your wives, maybe today.

Don't tell your husband that you're doing this.

Maybe sometime today, maybe it's at lunch, maybe it's at dinner,

maybe it's sometime in between. Before you go to bed, I want you

just to look at your husband. Don't say anything on the

outside, but pray on the inside. God, I believe you got this.

Just look at your husband and say, God, I believe you got

this. Do you know what your husband's

going to think? He's going to catch you looking

at him and he's probably going to think.

I bet she's thinking about how lucky she is to have me.

Listen, let him to go ahead and think that.

Let him go ahead and think that. But you know, between you and

God, God, I believe that you got this.

I believe that you got this man. I believe that you love him,

that you desire good for him. You desire good for our home and

for our family. I believe that you got this.

You do what I can never do, but God, you help me to continue to

be faithful to you. Now, before we move on to the

husband, I want to address very quickly a subset of ladies.

And here's this, here's the subset.

It's those that may be asking the question then what if I am

married to an unbeliever? What if my husband's not a

Christian? Or what if my husband says that

he's a Christian, but he is most definitely not leading our home

and our family and godliness. I believe that there's some of

us in this room and online that that that is our question when

we're talking about this. You're sitting there going, Ben,

I would love to be obedient to first Peter four or first Peter

three one through 7. I would love for my husband to

follow God and to grow in godliness and to lead our

family, but he is not there yet. Let me tell you, if that is you,

make no mistake about it. You are not alone.

As a matter of fact, you were part of the subset audience that

Peter's writing this letter to in the 1st place.

Here's a couple. Here's a couple of words of

advice. If you find yourself in that

subset of wives, remember that you have an authentic

relationship with Jesus that is independent of your relationship

with your husband. Your relationship with Jesus

comes first. Your relationship with Jesus is

not determined by your relationship with your husband.

Your relationship with your husband is not dependent upon

your relationship with Jesus #2 do everything that you can to

honor your husband's leadership. And here's what I mean.

Wives, remember how we went back and said that there's an innate

need that was created within every man to be respected and

believed in? Wives, you may, you may need to

dig really, really deep, but acknowledge that leadership,

acknowledge and maybe even call out things within your husband's

life, within his character, within his leadership.

Remind your husband that listen, my relationship with God, my

relationship with God actually allows me to love you more and

to love you better. And that's why I want you to

experience that relationship with God so that you can

experience his love and so that you can you can love us more and

you can love us better. A relationship with God never

takes away from us. It always grows US and enhances

us #3 If you find yourself in that subset of of wives this

morning, know that there are there's biblical grounds to

submissively say no to your husband.

If what your husband is asking you to do or be involved in

violates the word of God, is a sin or leads to sin, then your

ultimate allegiance is to your King and that's God.

Never forget, however, you have immense influence in the life of

your husband. And even though if your

husband's not a believer or walking or leading in godliness,

even though your marriage may not be all that it can be or

that it could be if he were, that does not mean that does not

mean that you do not have an impactful place in the Kingdom

of God. So ma'am, you keep serving wife,

you keep serving. You just keep being faithful to

Jesus and allow the Holy Spirit to do what only the Holy Spirit

can do in your husband's heart. Now to the husbands.

There's a lot of verbage here in first Peter 3 devoted to the

wives. However, the weight of leading

your family and your wife in godliness is very clear in

Scripture, and it is no lightweight at all.

As a matter of fact, the apostle Paul writes in the book of

Ephesians, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loves the church

and gave himself up for her. How did Jesus love?

Jesus loved so much that he gave himself sacrificially.

He poured himself out. He gave up his own life.

Here's what that means husbands, our role as a husband, as the as

the leader within our homes and leading our homes, leading our

wives in godliness involves speaking life into our wife and

raising our wife up and and and and championing like what God is

doing in and through her. It's actually talking to her and

listening to her and listening in a way that you're not

immediately wanting to jump to conclusions.

That's something that I. I learned a few years ago, I

remember Julie and I, we were talking in our in our in our

dining room one night and she was telling me about some

things. And I said, OK, here's what you

probably need to do, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And I thought it was great advice.

And she looked at me. She goes, I'm not telling you

this to give me a solution. I just want you to listen.

So in my great pastoral wisdom, I looked at her and goes that

makes no sense at all. But then the more I started

thinking about I go, you know what I I need to listen to her.

Date your wife, treasure your wife, pray with and for your

wife. Lead your wife.

Some of you men you may be thinking room online.

That pastor's asked me to turn in my man card.

Well, first of all, Sir, if your man card is described as

anything that's not of God's word will and ways, you should

have shredded that man card up a long time ago.

And second of all, your wife and your kids and your family, they

don't need you to be less of a man.

As a matter of fact, they need you to be more of a man.

They need you to be the man that God created you to be and

desires for you to be. It's not just a desire of

theirs, it's a need of theirs. Final message to to Mim this

whole issue, this whole issue, biblical leadership about being,

it's about honor and not harshness.

Second thing that I would tell you is home is where your faith

is proven. Did you know that it's quite

possible to fool a lot of people at work into thinking you're

something or someone that you're not?

And it's very easy to to, to, to fool people at church into

making you think that or making them think you're something or

someone that you're not. Do you know who really knows the

real you? It's your wife and your kids.

Why? Because home is where your faith

is really proven. Home is where you let your guard

down. Home is where you're most

authentically you. Home is where you can honestly

have the question. Is there a disconnect between

who I say that I am and who the people closest to me really know

me to be? Home is where that question can

be really answered. Let me tell you something to the

husbands, to the men. If you win in every area of

life, yet you lose, at home, you lose.

If you win in every area of life yet you lose at home, you lose.

So how do you win at home? You stay submitted to God.

Submission is not just for wives.

Submission is for all of us. Husband's staying submitted to

the will and the ways and the Word of God.

Spending time with God in His Word, knowing what He says.

Spending time with God in prayer, knowing how He's

directing you, changing you from the inside out.

Being a husband is not being harsh.

Being a husband is about honoring your wife.

Faith. Your home is where your faith is

most proven. So here's what I want us to do.

So what do we do with all of this this morning?

What is our application? I want to guide just kind of the

different the different sections or the different categories of

us in the room and with us online this morning when he walk

you through some questions. First one to wives.

Wives, in what specific ways does your husband need you to

pray for him? Wives, in what specific ways

does your husband need you to pray for him?

Husbands, in what specific ways does your wife need you to lead

her? Singles, I haven't forgotten

about you. Singles, hopefully this morning

through the context of first Peter three one through 7, it

gives you a very good idea of what you need to pray and pray

for in a future husband or a future spouse.

But here's the question for you. Singles, in what specific ways

do I need to prepare myself now for the husband or the wife that

I will need to be later on? If you're single with us, you're

in a time of preparation. Don't squander the time of

preparation. Here's how I want to end our

time. I think that a lot of times, and

if you've been at Riverbend for any measure of time, you know

that we say this quite often. It's not just about information,

it's about an invitation. I'm we're going to end our time

this morning and I'm going to ask you to do something Maybe

this this uncomfortable to you. And even though it may be

uncomfortable, I think it's a complete game changer.

I'm going to end our time in prayer and then we're going to

open up the time of response. And husbands, I'm going to ask

that you would just grab your wife's hand, lead her down and

pray with her and to pray for her.

If you're with us this morning and you're single, I'm going to

ask that you come down and that you pray.

God, would you lead this kind of husband or this kind of wife

into my life? And God, until then, would you

create within me the type of husband or the type of wife that

I need to be? If you're with us this morning

and you're by yourself, your husband or your wife isn't here

with you, I'm going to encourage you to come down, pray for them,

pray for them by name, and pray that God would give you the

guidance, the Holy Spirit guidance to be exactly who you

need to be and to have confidence and faith in Him.

We're good. Let me go ahead and pray.

God, we love you and we thank you for the fact that you do not

leave us where we are. God, you want to grow every

single one of us. You love every single one of us.

God, your plan for every single one of us is for the good.

God, we also acknowledge that your primary arena in which you

grow us, in which you refine us, is through relationships.

God, there's no other relationship that shapes us,

that grows us, that refines us, that makes our need for you most

evident and obvious than marriage.

God, it is a gift that you have given us.

God, I pray that you would bring breakthroughs in marriage.

I pray that you would bring healing.

I pray that you would bring restoration.

God, I pray for the men, for the husbands in this room.

God, that they would continue to lead in godliness.

God, if they are not currently leading in godliness, God, that

you would light a Holy Spirit Spirit fire up underneath them

and within them a passion and a hunger and a thirst to know you

more and to experience you more and to lead their family in a

way that knows you and experiences you more.

God, I pray that you would bring healing.

I pray that you would bring breakthrough.

I pray that you would bring restoration this morning as we

pray together to you. And it's in Jesus name that we

pray. Amen.

Thank you for listening to Riverbend Church's podcast.

To find out more about this message or Riverbend Church,

connect with us online at Riverbend Church dot live.