So where do I start?! | Pastor Matt Keller

Well, who's ready for the Word of God today?

Yes, me too. And I'm so pumped because we are

launching a brand new series for the next 5 weeks really from now

about Father's Day and we're going to be talking about

something that impacts and matters to all of us and that is

relationships. Everyone say relationships.

So as we got together as a creative team to start to to

figure out what the title of this relationship series could

be we we wanted to land on something that we thought was,

you know, fun and practical, but also intuitive and so we landed

on this title. Take a look help relationships

are hard. Anybody else feel like that just

applies to what we're doing? Come on, somebody say help.

OK. And all of our safety team are

like, we got you, we got you, right?

Relationships are hard. Say that with me.

Relationships are hard. Relationships are hard.

And so that's why we're doing this series.

And and actually where I want to start today for a few minutes is

I want to give us a relationship pop quiz.

Everybody say pop quiz relationship member in math

class member member in high school, middle school, your

teacher would show up and she would say, we're having a pop

quiz. And you were like, Oh, no, OK,

well, this isn't like that. This is better.

So everybody raise your hands like this, OK?

Because we're going to keep score.

We're going to count. All right?

So, so you're going to use your two hands as your counters.

OK? So we're going to look at some

questions. And if this has ever happened to

you or you've ever done this, give yourself a point, OK?

And then we're going to grade this at the end.

So all right, here you go. Question #1 ready.

Have you ever rehearsed an argument in the shower or the

car? Give yourself a point.

Next question. Have you ever said, I'm fine?

And you absolutely. We're not fine.

Give yourself a point. Next question.

Have you ever started a sentence with I'm not trying to be rude,

but and then we're definitely rude or a little bonus question,

right? Let me flip it around.

Someone said to you, no offense and then totally offended you.

Yep, Yep. Next question.

Go ahead. Have you ever reread a text

multiple times trying to figure out someone's tone?

Right? Like did they did I just get

promoted or fired? Like what were they hugging me

or are we fighting about that? I don't know.

Next question, go ahead. All right, you ready?

Have you ever typed out a long message and then deleted it

because you chose peace instead? Some of you did not give

yourself a point. We kind of need you to.

Your friends are thanking me right now.

We need you to just actually just don't send it.

Just delete it. Next question, go ahead.

Have you ever said sorry, but in your heart you were like, no,

I'm totally right on this. We've all done that, haven't we?

Next one, Have you ever gotten in the car after conversation

and thought of all the things you should have said or wished

you had said? Oh, I wish I would have said oh,

when they said, oh, I should have said right, we've all done

that. OK, Next one.

Have you ever hid from someone in a store this week?

I feel like we just bring the band.

Let's just we're just going to altars are open.

Just come and repent. Just come.

Gosh, relationships are hard. Somebody say relationships are

hard. Couple more.

Go ahead. Have you ever been in an

argument and eventually couldn't even remember what you were

arguing about? Oh my goodness.

So many times over 30 years of marriage, we just are like, what

are we even argue? Like I don't even know what

we're fighting about anymore. Next one, have you ever said

it's not a big deal while internally kept her detailed

record of everything? It's like it, it totally was a

big deal. Next one, go ahead.

Have you ever tried to hint at what you want instead of just

saying it, come on, wives or husbands and I played it both

ways. There's you see that and then

got frustrated when they didn't pick up your obvious cues.

Somebody say relationships are hard.

All right, so how'd your score go?

How'd your score go? OK, ready.

Here's here's OK ready. If your score was 6 or higher,

this series is for you. If your score was 5 or lower,

we're going to do a series on self-awareness later in the

year. Somebody say relationships are

hard. OK, so which brings the quest.

Thank you for clapping, that was fun.

I appreciate that. So, so which begs the question,

where do we start? Somebody say where do we start?

So relationships are hard, where do we start?

So what I want to do today for the next two minutes is I want

to, I want to give us a starting .4 things in particular 4 ideas

in particular of us that are a starting point for us as we

launch into this series. And as you saw in the graphic

few minutes ago, we're going to talk in a lot of different

specific directions from parenting to marriage, to

dating, to to to, to mental health and all all of the things

in between over the next few weeks.

But today I just want to I just want to get us started.

So maybe we'll write these down. Here's the first thing I want to

share with you. Four thoughts.

Number one is this life has lived in the context of

relationship. Life is lived in the context of

relations. Like we know this is true.

Our boys growing up, we, we said this in our home constantly.

Like life is lived in the context of relationship.

And then we would go on to say, so the relationships in our home

are the practice field. Like we got to practice here.

We got to figure this out. And this really goes all the way

back to, let's go back to the beginning of the story, the book

of Genesis. Because in the book of Genesis,

the creation story, we see that God created, right, the heavens

and the earth. He created the land and the sea.

He separated the water from the land.

He created the animals. Then he created Adam, the first

man. And then God.

The Bible says he looked around and to try and find a suitable

helper for Adam because he was all alone.

And in Genesis 218, God says this, it is not good for the man

to be alone. I will make a helper suitable

for him. Now on Father's Day, I'm

actually going to break this down at other points of the

series. We're going to break this down

in terms of the marriage that the husband wife thing.

But this is not just a marriage idea because God, right, took a

rib from Adam, created Eve to be a suitable helper for him.

But the greater context is God looks over the world and he goes

of all of the beings, of all the creativity, of all the animals,

of everything that we've created.

It's not good for man to be alone.

In other words, we need other human beings.

We need each other. So relationships in their purest

form, in the Garden of Eden, we're good.

Like good. Like a milkshake good.

Come on. Anybody else like milkshakes?

Good. So what happened?

What happened is the next chapter, the devil comes and

tempts them, and sin enters the human race.

And when sin entered the world, when sin enters the human race,

relationships got messed up. Our beautiful, perfect

strawberry milkshake with whipped cream from Chick-fil-A.

Come on, somebody. When sin entered the human race,

it's as if somebody poured vinegar in the milkshake.

Terrible. That's what happened.

Then all of a sudden, if we poured vinegar into a perfectly

beautiful and wonderful milkshake, it we all of a sudden

every every bite, every drink, would it would every, would have

bitterness in it. And see, when it comes to our

relationships, we've been trying to figure out how to navigate

the vinegar. Why does this thing doesn't

taste right? What's going on?

And here's the tension. The tension is the messaging of

the world around us that we see all day every day online, in

every format online and from Hollywood, so to speak.

The messaging of our world is this.

Well, if you're doing relationships right, then you'll

never have any problems. You'll never taste bitterness.

Or, let me flip it over, if you're experiencing problems or

struggles in your relationship, then you must be doing something

wrong. Hey, church, No, somebody poured

vinegar. Vinegar in our milkshake.

That's the problem with relationships.

But life is lived in the context of relationships.

So what do we do? Glad you asked #2 That means we

need a solid foundation for our relationships.

Then we got to figure out how to navigate the the bitterness.

We got to figure out how to navigate the imperfection that

sin has caused in our relationships.

And that means we need a solid foundation.

And can I tell you most everything that is online is not

a solid foundation. How many know there is all kinds

of advice. There's gurus, there's

influencers right on TikTok and Facebook, and everybody's got

their opinion, right? YouTube, Can I tell you

something? The vast majority of that advice

is not good. Jesus actually encountered a

situation like this in Matthew chapter 15.

Matthew 15 · chapter mention

He's at the height of his ministry and the Pharisees

basically kind of the, the religious leaders of the day,

they, they, they were the influencers of the day.

Like they had the power they had, like they had the big, the

biggest voice in town, so to speak.

Well, they start giving their advice and the disciples are a

little confused and they're like Jesus, like they're saying one

thing, but it sounds like you're saying something else.

And in Matthew 15, look at verse 14, Jesus looks at his disciples

and he says, let me tell you what to do with with all of the

big voices out there, leave them.

Then he says they're blind guides.

If the blind lead the blind, everybody's going to fall into

the pit. And sadly, as we look across our

world today, that's what we see, isn't it?

We see the blind leading the blind that that the blind guides

of the world. Just because it just because

they have millions of followers, just because they have millions

of likes doesn't mean that what they're telling you is right or

going to work or is a solid foundation for you to build your

life and relationships on. Amen.

Jesus spoke to this in the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew

Matthew 7 · chapter mention

Chapter 7. Look what Jesus said he said.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine Speaking of

the words of truth, the Bible, everyone who hears these words

of mine, the teachings of Jesus and puts them into practice.

Look, what he says is like a wise man who built his house on

the rock and when the rains came come on that inevitably the

rains will come on our relationship and the streams

rose all of a sudden things the wind started to blow beat

against the house. Look, yet it did not fall.

Why? Because it had the foundation

its foundation on the rock. Then he flips it over though,

and he says, but everyone who hears these words of mine, the

teachings of Jesus and does not put them into practice is like

a, what's it say, foolish man who built this house on the

sand. So now when the rain comes and

the streams rise and the wind starts to blow and beat against

the house, look what he says. It fell with a great crash.

Some of us, we can't figure out why our relationships are

stripped. Like what is it possible that

we're not building on the rock? Instead we're building on sand?

I love what Proverbs chapter 4 says.

Proverbs 4 · chapter mention

Proverbs chapter 4 verse 7 says this.

Proverbs 4:7

The beginning of wisdom is this. Get wisdom.

What's the beginning of wisdom? Get wisdom.

But then look what it says though it cost you all you have.

Get understanding. Hey, listen, there's a cost to

doing relationships God's way. You know that there's a cost to

do to to not living how the world says is acceptable for us

to live. There's a cost to not not having

sex before you're married. There's a cost to that it

culturally, there's a cost to not moving in with your

boyfriend or girlfriend to save money because it's the frugal

thing to do. Like the wisdom of the world

says, no, no, no, there's a cost to that.

There's a cost to being married to one woman or one man in a

marriage for 30 years of marriage and forsaking all

others. There's a cost to doing

relationships, but it's a rock. God's Word is a rock.

So that means we got to know what God's Word says.

God's Word offers us a firm and wise foundation for our

relationships. That's why these weeks of the

series matter. That's why spending time in

God's Word every day and while we read our Bibles together

throughout what we call our SOAP method, that's why it matters.

That's why. That's why being in a group over

the summer semester here at the church, that's why it matters,

because we need each other. That's where we can see healthy

relationships, not perfect healthy relationships modeled

for us. That's why we have to know God's

Word, so we can build our relationships on solid ground,

not shifting sand. So life has lived in the context

of relationships. The world's coming at us.

The devil put vinegar in the milkshake.

We need a solid foundation. That's what God's Word is all

about. Here's the third thought #3 our

relationship with God is the source for all of our other

relationships. Our relationship with God is the

source for all other relationships.

Probably 12, maybe more than that.

Years ago, I was, I was turned onto a book by John Ortberg, a

great author. And and he wrote this book

called Soul Keeping, Soul Keeping.

And man, the first time I read it was probably, yeah, probably

12, maybe 15 years ago. It's been around a while.

And right at the beginning of the book, he, he tells this

story. And as I was working on this

message over the last several weeks for today, I kept coming

back in my heart and my spirit to that story.

So I looked it up. So, so I want to read you this

story in light of this idea that that our relationship with God

is the source of all of our other relationships.

Here's what Ortberg says. There was a beautiful village

high in the mountains built around a crystal clear stream.

The water was pure. Children played in it.

Swans and ducks floated on it. You could see all the way to the

bottom. Rock, sand, even fish.

The entire life of the village depended on that stream.

Now, high up in the mountains, out of sight, there was an old

man. He was called the Keeper of the

Springs. His job was simple but

important. He would go from spring to

spring to spring, clearing out branches and leaves and debris

so that nothing would pollute the water.

No one really saw him. No one thought much about him.

Until one year the village council decided, why are we

paying this guy? We never see him work.

This seems unnecessary. So they let him go.

At first nothing changed. But slowly over time, things

started to shift. The water became cloudy.

The Swans left, children stopped playing in the stream, people in

the village even started getting getting sick.

And eventually the village realized the problem wasn't in

the village, the problem was upstream.

So they rehired the keeper. Over time, the springs were

cleared, the water became clear again, the return, the children

came back, and the village came back to life.

And then Ortberg ends with this line.

The life of the village depended on the health of the stream.

Then he says this. The stream is your soul and you

are the keeper. The stream is your soul and you,

you and I are the keeper. The life of the village depends

on the health of the stream. Do you see it?

Our relationship with God is the source for all of our other

relationships. Let me see if I can visually

illustrate this. So let's I think of it in terms

of concentric circles like this. So God is at the very center of

our life, our relationship with him.

And from that flows the health and vitality of our marriage,

our family relationships, eventually our friendships right

until all the way out to to the world around us, including our

relationship, our interactions with unbelievers, that it all

starts with our relationship with God.

So watch this. If our relationship with God is

not healthy, is not strong, is not vibrant, then over time our

marriage will start to be affected by that.

Our relationship with our children and our family will

start to be related, affected by that, our relationships with our

friendships, all the way to our relationship with the outside

world around us. We'll all be affected by the

stream, our soul, our connection with God and see watch this if

we start to feel things breaking down in one of these other

categories. Is it possible?

The place we need to start in terms of helping our

relationships is here with our relationship with God because it

affects all of our other relationships.

Jesus talked about this. I love how plain he says it in

Luke chapter 6. He says in verse 35, a good man

Luke 6 · chapter mention

brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and

an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his

heart. And then Jesus kind of breaks

the whole thing down. In other words, if there's good

in here, they'll be good out there.

If there's evil in here, they'll be evil out there.

Then he just breaks the whole thing down by saying this.

For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.

Can it get any plainer? Now, some of you, you've told

somebody that they're full of things, but Jesus says a little

different than you've said it. The mouth speaks.

In other words, our outside is affected by our inside, which

means Proverbs 423. Above all else, we must guard

our heart. You're the keeper of your soul,

for everything we do flows from here.

So life is lived in the context of relationship.

Sin has messed that up. We need a more firm foundation

than what the world's given us, which is the word God.

Our relationship with God effects all our other

relationships. And then here's the last thing I

want to leave us with #4 love must be the motivation for all

of our relationships. Then what that means is where do

we start it? We start with love.

Love must be the motivation for all of our relationships.

The apostle John wrote in first John chapter 4 verses 7 and

1 John 4:7

eight. He said, beloved, let us love

one another because love comes from God.

Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

And then He says this. Whoever does not love does not

know God. Why?

Because God is love. And then He kind of brings the

whole thing together in verse 19 when He says we love because He

first loved us. At the end of the day, God's

command is that we love one another.

Why? Because He first loved us.

Love is the motivation for all of our relationships.

Now, for some of you who've been around Bible study for a long

time, as soon as I start talking about love, your mind runs to

where my mind went to, which is what is famously known in First

1 Corinthians 13 · chapter mention

Corinthians chapter 13. We just read it in our soap

guide this week. If you're reading along a

chapter a day with us, we literally just read this chapter

a few days ago. First Corinthians 13 is known as

the Love chapter. OK, Now most of the time when we

think about First Corinthians 13, which I want us to look at

in just a second, where our mind goes is we go to verses 4 to 7,

which is kind of like the one you read at the wedding.

Love is patient, love is not right.

And you're like, right, OK, but I want us to see where it

starts. OK, so, So look.

So the apostle Paul is writing to believers at a city called

Corinth. So people like us in the church,

like ours. And look what he says, verse 1.

He says if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but

do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clanging

cymbal, right? Like OK if I have to give the

prophecy that's awesome. Can fathom all mysteries and all

knowledge. If I if I have a faith it can

move mountains. So he's describing big stuff

here. But do not have love, look what

he says. I'm nothing If I give all my all

I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I

may boast. But do not have love.

Look what he says. It's worthless.

I gain nothing. See, what Paul is saying here is

the danger for those of us who are followers of Jesus is that

we can actually think that if we're doing a bunch of really

good stuff. He says, I speak in tongues.

We believe in that. I preach and prophecy, we

believe in that. I can fathom biblical insights

and mysteries and knowledge of the Bible.

We believe that we have faith to move mountains.

We believe that we give generously.

That's us. We believe that we serve like

crazy. We have orange shirts.

We believe that Paul says I can do all of this amazing stuff,

but if I don't have love, I am nothing.

Love is the motivation for all of our relationships.

And then Paul writes what you and I know to be one of the most

famous passages right in all of Scripture.

But here's what I want you to do before I read for verses 47.

I don't want you to get a picture in your head of the last

wedding you attended, which is really beautiful.

Here's what I want. I want, I want you to get up the

face of the person you love the least right now in your mind.

Let me help you. Maybe a neighbor who's been a

jerk and reported you to the HOA.

OK, Maybe an ex business partner, an ex-spouse, an

ex-boyfriend. Maybe a friend who betrayed you.

I'll get that face in my mind. Maybe someone who doesn't vote

like you. Maybe someone who doesn't look

like you. Maybe someone from a different

race than you. Maybe someone who's hurt you.

Maybe an maybe an authority figure who did you wrong.

Kay. I want you.

Do you have that face? OK.

Have I provoked you to anger yet?

OK. You got that face.

Ready. Get that face.

Not that. Not the happy couple on their

wedding day. No, no, no.

Get the face of the person you love the least right now.

Ready. Love is patient.

Love is kind. It does not envy.

It does not boast. It is not proud.

It does not dishonor others. Do you have their face in your

mind? Love is not self seeking.

It's not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in the evil, but rejoices with the

truth. Love always protects, it always

trusts. It always hopes.

It always perseveres. Love never fails when it comes

to our relationships. Love must be the motivation of

every relationship in our lives, from our marriage to our kids to

our friends to our enemies, Jesus said.

Love your neighbor as yourself. Love your enemies.

Love those who persecute you, love those who hate you, Love

those who don't vote like you. Love them love Why first John

419 again, we love because he first loved us.

Relationships are hard, but love conquers all.

That's who we're called to be. We're called to be a people, a

royal priesthood, A chosen generation, those of us who

named the name of Jesus. We are called to love in our

home, in our HOA, in our workplace, on Daniels Parkway,

on Veterans Blvd. We're called to love.

So God, I thank you that right now you're speaking Holy Spirit.

We just want to pause, though. We're not in a hurry, God.

We just pause in this moment. Spirit, I pray that you would

speak. Lord, you're speaking to some of

us, God, some of us, we need to forgive because what someone has

done to us in this last season or seasons past has been it's

offensive. It's vinegar in the milkshake,

but you're calling us to love. You're calling us to forgive.

God, I, I pray Father, some of us, we need to start to, to view

our marriages through a different lens, view our, our,

our friendships through a different lens, view those who

are politically opposite of us through a different lens.

Jesus, you've called us to love. So God, I thank you that right

now you're speaking. You're speaking to hearts.

God, life has lived in the context of relationships, but

that doesn't mean it's easy. So Lord, would you help us?

We want to love like you. We love because you first loved

us. I just want to stay in this

atmosphere right now, just as many of you just see you seated

right where you are. God's speaking to you.

I believe God's convicting you, speaking to hearts about

relational things that are going on, giving you a next step.

Hey, you need to text that person.

You need to apologize that person.

You need to lay down your pride with that person.

You need to stop holding them to some whatever thing.

Release that love like Jesus loved love because He first

loved you. So I want you to just across

every room just stay. Stay in that moment with you and

the Lord like the Spirit speak. But I also recognize that there

are some who have come in today or you're online with us and

you're not in relationship. Speaking of relationship, you're

not in relationship with God. That's why Jesus came.

He came. He saw us in our sinfulness and

our brokenness and our vinegar ridden state and He said, I love

you too much to let you just die in your sin.

So God sent Jesus to step out of heaven, come to this earth, live

a perfect sinless life, and then die on a cross as payment for

sin. Not his sin, but for yours and

mine. Jesus paid the price so you and

I could be in relationship with God.

So if you've never surrendered your life to Jesus, I want to

give you an opportunity to do that.

Now here's the deal. It's not our style to embarrass

you or call you down front, but we do want to give you an

opportunity to express on the outside what you're feeling on

the inside. So at every one of our

locations, E location on Gateway Blvd. downtown Cape Coral here

in Fort Myers. If you're an additional seating

online family, you can mention it in the chat.

Just say I want to. I say I want to say yes.

I want to give you an opportunity to express on the

outside what you're feeling on the inside.

So I'm going to count to 3 in just a moment.

When I hit 3 every room, would you just throw your hand up

wherever you're at? Just bold and strong.

Throw your hand up. Is it Pastor Matt?

That's me. I want to surrender my life to

Jesus. I need him to come in and be my

Savior and Lord. If you want to do that, would

you throw your hand up right now?

Come on, let's do it, 123. Yeah.

Awesome. Pastor Matt, that's me.

Yes. Thank you.

Amen. Amen.

The east location. Just throw your hand up

downtown. Yep.

Cape Coral. Amen.

Pastor Matt. That's me.

Pastor Matt. That's me.

Amen. Pastor Matt.

I want to surrender my life to Jesus.

I want to go all in. I want to go all in.

Awesome. Yeah.

You can put your hands down. Hey, listen, I want to lead us

in prayer. So I'm going to invite all of us

to repeat this prayer after me. And if you just lifted your

hand, I want you to pray this from your heart.

And the God of the universe who loves you more than you can

fathom or understand is going to hear your prayer.

He's going to come in, forgive you, and begin a relationship

with you. Come on, let's pray together.

Everybody say, dear Lord Jesus, thanks for loving me and

bringing me here today. I acknowledge that I'm a Sinner

and I need a Savior. Thank you, Jesus, for dying on

the cross as payment for my sin. Right now I surrender my life to

you. Will you help me from this day

forward to go your way because it is the best way for the rest

of my days? In Jesus name I pray.

Amen. Amen.

Wow. Yeah.

Come on. Listen, if you just raised your

hand, wherever you are, I want you to know we're fired up

because that is the best decision you can ever make.

And OK, and we want to, we want to help you understand what

happened. So at all of our locations, we

have a free gift for you, a Bible.

We have it in English and Spanish.

So on your way out of the room today, stop by our next steps

area at your location and tell them I just said yes and they

want to put this Bible in your hands.

There's AQR code right here. My wife and I recorded some

videos to help you understand and, and what your next steps

are and what this means for you. So don't leave the building, the

property today without getting this Bible.

Amen, Amen. Hey, let me pray first one more

time and then we're going to continue on together.

Heavenly Father, I thank you for what you're doing.

Lord, relationships are hard, but you are good.

And so Lord, today I pray, blessing God, would you increase

our self-awareness this week? Give us eyes to see where you

are calling us to love and not loathe where you're calling us

to love and step into relationships like you would

with love. God I bless each one in Jesus

name and everyone who agreed at every location said Amen.

Come on, let's give Jesus praise.