Breaking the Chains of Anger | Steve Poe

Oh, crossing family. I love you.

And I am so excited for the gift that we have in store for you

this weekend. Steve Poe is the legacy pastor

of Northview Church in Central IN.

He's been a restauranteur, an entrepreneur, a financial

planner, a radio station owner and operator, a commodity

trader. But then he decided to give the

last 20 years of his life to being the lead pastor of

Northview Church. And in those twenty years, that

church grew from 500 people to over 10,000.

He did this alongside of his wife and best friend Sandy.

He is respected all across this nation as a good man and a

follower of Jesus and a Christian leader.

He's a pastor's pastor and he is here this weekend.

Share with us as we've been learning from his book that he's

the author of Creatures of Habit.

So crossing family, Would you put a warm crossing welcome

together for our friend and our preacher this weekend, Steve

Poe? Well, thank you, Crossing.

Good morning. We'll try it again.

Thank you, Crossing. Good morning.

Hey, it is so good to be here. I've looked forward to this for

a long time. As Clayton said, I'm Steve Poe.

I pastored in Northview Church for over 23 years, and I've been

friends with Jerry and Allison for over a decade.

And they're just special people. They're the real deal.

I really don't know how much more I could say about that.

And I'm just getting to know Clayton and Jenny, and they're

very special as well. And you guys as a church are

fortunate to have had two great pastors, men of integrity,

strong leaders, men that not only love God, they love you.

And so you're fortunate as a church.

Pray with me, Father. Thank you for your faithfulness.

What an incredible opportunity it is to be able to gather

together and to worship you in spirit and truth.

God, we have sensed your presence in this place.

And I pray, Lord, that as we get into your word this morning,

that you would just challenge us, stir our hearts, open up our

eyes and ears to see and hear all that you want to do in our

life. Thanks God.

We love you and we praise you. We ask you in the name of Jesus.

Amen. So I grew up in a middle class

home with parents that absolutely loved me, and yet I

had a father with a whole lot of unresolved anger.

I never quite knew when he was going to blow or what it might

be that would set him off. It could be anything from a

teenager driving down the road too fast.

He'd jump up out of his recliner, running out, cursing

and swearing at him. Or it might be that we have the

television too loud at night when he was trying to sleep and

he'd come busting out of the bedroom cursing and swearing at

us. Whatever it was, when it

happened, the things got loud and the expertise began to fly.

And these outbursts of anger created a lot of different

emotions in me as a child. Everything from fear to

embarrassment to, well, making me angry over his anger.

On one particular occasion I think I was maybe 11 years old.

I was riding shotgun. I don't know where we were

going, but my dad looked over to the side and didn't notice the

car in front of him had stopped and so he rear-ended the car.

His first response was to turn to me and start screaming and

yelling and swearing at me because I didn't tell him to

stop. You see, something had obviously

happened in my father's life long before he got in the car

that day. I don't mean minutes or hours

before, I mean years before. There had to be some injustice

in his life that was totally unrelated to that Fender Bender,

some hurt or offense that never got resolved.

And so it left him responding to every perceived injustice with

anger. After a while, that anger became

so much a part of his life he didn't even notice the damage it

was doing to the people he loved the most.

Now, fortunately for me, the story ends on a much happier

note, because in my teenage years, my dad stepped across the

line of faith and found Christ as his savior and Lord, and it

radically changed him. He went out of his way to make

sure I knew that he was proud of me and to make sure I knew that

he loved me. And God became a priority for

him. Now at the same time, guys, I'm

not trying to tell you that he never got angry again because

like all of us, there were things in his life that made him

mad. But I do believe he worked hard

on breaking this habit of anger in his life.

Well, as you guys know, I wrote the book Creatures of Habit,

Breaking the habits holding you back from God's Best.

It's a series you guys are finishing up this weekend.

When I did the research for this book, what I discovered is that

most of us greatly underestimate the power of habits in our life.

In fact, experts tell us that over 40% now wrap your brain

around that over 40%. Almost half of everything we do

during a day is done out of habit.

That could be anything from typing on a keyboard to playing

a musical instrument to driving home from work.

Those things are second nature to us.

We don't even give them a thought anymore.

So what is a habit? Well, a habit is a simple choice

that we make that when it's repeated enough times, it

becomes an unconscious pattern. I want you to remember that when

repeated enough times, it becomes an unconscious pattern

and those habits then become our identity.

In other words, that's the way people know us and recognize us.

They know us for the habits in our life, good or bad.

An example would be, let's say that you are a very honest

individual, but at the same time you tend to complain just a

little bit. Somebody asked me to tell them

about you. And I say, well, they're as

honest as the day is long, but they do tend to complain just a

little bit. What have I done?

I've described you by your habits.

And that's the way we describe the people in our life, by the

habits in our life. And so that's why it's so

important that we create good habits, you say, Yeah.

But Steven, how do I know if it's a good habit or a bad

habit? That's a great question.

I'm so glad you asked. Good habits reinforce your

desire to be Christ. Like you read the New Testament,

it becomes very clear that God wants us to emulate Jesus.

And so good habits are the things that help that to happen.

Those are the things that create Christ likeness in our life.

The Bible calls good habits spiritual disciplines, and those

spiritual disciplines become stepping stones.

In other words, those are the things that help us to.

Grow and to mature in our faith. On the other hand, bad habits

are just the opposite. Those are the things that

conflict with Christ likeness in our life.

Those are the things that keep us from being the man or woman

God wants us to be. And they're certainly not

spiritual disciplines. The Bible calls those spiritual

strongholds. They get a grip on us.

They get a hold on us, the world.

Calls them addictions. And they certainly are not

stepping stones. If anything, they're tombstones

in our life. They're a death to the purposes

and plans God has for your life. Now what I was surprised when I

did the research for this book, I was surprised just how much

the Bible does talk about habits in our life.

Probably my favorite scripture about habits is Romans chapter

Romans 12:2

12 verse 2 where the Apostle Paul writes do not conform.

What is to conform means to take the shape of something.

Do not conform to the patterns of this world.

What did we say a habit was? A habit is an unconscious

pattern, Paul writes. Do not conform or take the shape

of the patterns of this world, but instead.

We need to be transformed. To be transformed is to be

changed. How?

By the renewing of your mind. A habit is a mindset.

And so the way you break a mindset, you have to renew your

mind and create a new habit, a good habit.

So maybe you have the habit of lying, and now you're going to

break that habit and create honesty, integrity, a habit of

integrity or truth. Telling in your life.

Listen guys, before you invited Jesus Christ to come into your

life, the Bible makes it very clear that sin had a grip on

you. Sin had a hold on you.

But Paul tells us in Romans that when we invite Christ to come in

our life. He gave us the power to say no

to sin. He breaks that hold.

He breaks that grip at the same time.

Some of you say, But Steve, I've been a Christian now for a

decade and I still have these bad habits.

You didn't get that habit overnight and you're not going

to break it overnight. You have to be intentional.

Make a decision that, you know what, this is not good for me

spiritually. It's not good for me

emotionally. I'm going to.

Break this habit and so you have to be intentional in doing so.

I think this book will help you do that.

There are 12 chapters, some say, well, how did you come up with

these 12 bad habits? And what I did is I made a list

of 50 bad habits. I looked at them and said, OK,

I'm going to write about the ones I.

Struggle with. So I pulled out the 12 that I've

struggled with to 1° or another. I tell a little bit about the

habit and then in each habit I give you the steps you can take

to break this once and for all. This is a great book for Bible

studies 'cause it creates such discussion.

It's great for small groups, for men's groups, women's groups,

and it's also good workbook. Some of you might say, Steve, I

don't like to read, OK then what's 1.

Habit you want to break this year?

That's in here. Read that book, read that

particular chapter, work those points, and just continue to

work on that chapter until you break that habit.

A year from now it starts to come back on.

You just go back and work the points again until you break

this once and for all. I'd love to sign a copy for you

afterwards. I'll be out out in the foyer

today. I want us to talk about the

habit of anger. But guys, I think it's important

to mention that anger is not always a bad thing.

In fact, anger is a God-given emotion.

It's when it becomes a habit or the way we automatically respond

to things, that's when it becomes a problem.

So an example would be, let's say that you say something to me

that's offensive. And that makes me angry.

And so I lash out at you. I blast you.

And I walk. Away and it just felt good.

Felt right to let you have it. And then tomorrow somebody else

says something to offend me. And I remember how good that

felt. And so now I lash out at you.

It felt good. Again, before I know it, that's

just going to be the way I respond to everybody because I

create a habit, guys. Everyone in this room knows of

somebody in your life that you would say, yeah, they're just an

angry individual. They're just an angry person.

Anger is one of the most common struggles that I think we have

now. Anger was designed by God to

help us deal with any threat that might come into our life.

But it becomes a problem when you lose control of your words

or your actions. For instance, don't we all know

that Jesus got angry? Do you remember when he ran the

money changers out of the temple?

The merchants were turning religion into a money making

scam and it ticked him off. It angered him.

I think there's other things that make Jesus angry.

Any kind of injustice angers God.

I think it angers God to see an adult harm a child.

And yet, even though Jesus got angry, the scripture is clear,

he never sinned. You see, the type of anger that

Jesus demonstrated was more of a righteous indignation.

He got angry at the actions of those who acted contrary to

God's standard of right or wrong, to God's standard of

fairness, justice and goodness. This type of anger is directed

more at the wrong that is done. Hear me?

It's directed at the wrong that is done, not so much towards the

person involved. In fact, it's this kind of anger

that's produced great movements today, like Mad Mothers Against

Drunk Driving. Their anger over the loss of

their children motivated them to do something about it by

creating one of the largest victim advocate groups in

America today. On the other hand, anger is an

emotion that many of us experience when the things in

our world just don't go the way we want them to go.

Maybe you've been working really hard toward that promotion and

it goes to somebody else and that just ticks you off.

Maybe you tell your kids to clean their room, but they just

continue to ignore you and that makes you so mad.

Again guys. If anger becomes your immediate

response every time you don't like something, then you

establish a habit in your life. And it has the potential to hurt

your health, to wreck your Peace of Mind, to destroy your

relationships and even threaten your career.

Seriously, I don't know how many times my father came home to

tell my mother that he'd been fired again.

I really don't. It happened constantly.

One time several years ago, I brought in Doctor Richard

Dobbins, psychologist, to speak to a men's group.

And I had probably 400 guys that were in the room that day.

And I remember when Doctor Dobbins stepped up on the

platform, he looked out at those men and he said, gentlemen, men

struggle with three issues, anger issues, sexual issues.

And you lie about the 1st 2:00. Anger has become an epidemic in

America today. I don't think I have to work

very hard to convince you of that.

We all see it everywhere we go. There's signs of our nation's

irritability everywhere you go. The polarization of our

political system, the everyday nastiness of the online world.

The cancel culture? Come on, it's out of control.

Or even worse yet, is the workplace or school shootings?

It's gotten to where you feel like at least once a month we're

going to turn the news on and hear about another school

shooting or another workplace shooting guys.

It's gotten so bad, we're afraid to lock eyes with anyone in fear

they might pull out a gun. And yet, after saying all that,

most violence in America is not random.

The American SPCC, for instance, says there's over 4 million

child abuse cases reported annually, 4 million child abuse

cases reported. Can you imagine how many more go

unreported? And most of those are by angry,

out of control parents, friends. No one is born with anger

issues. It is learned behavior.

I mean, Can you imagine me coming up here this morning

carrying a little infant, a little baby just so sweet

everybody would aw and oh and and they would love it.

And then you, they say that's you all say, that's the sweetest

baby I've ever seen. I'm like, Oh no, this is an

angry one. Well, it's just silly.

It's ridiculous because we know that's not the case.

Anger is learned behavior, which is why listen to me, moms and

dads, please. Which is why if you are a

parent, you need to learn to control your anger in front of

your kids. You say, well, that's just the

way I am. Well, you better understand that

that's the way your kids are going to be because you are

teaching them to respond to circumstances out of anger.

Psychologists today have called our generation the age of rage.

It's become so common, we've created our own rage vocabulary,

for instance, Road rage. All of you have heard of that,

maybe experienced it. Check out Rage, Phone rage.

You get put on hold too long. We even see it in recreational

activities such as golf Rage. Yeah, it's a thing.

Several years ago, I was golfing with three other pastors.

And this one guy was just having a bad day.

I mean, the poor guy, every, every time.

Every time he took a swing, it just went the wrong way.

And he was getting, you could just see it and feel it.

He was getting more and more frustrated and more and more

angry. Finally, we come to a hole, he

hits it, the ball goes into the pond and he's just done.

He takes his club, swings it and throws it into the pond.

Awkward. And then he gets into the golf

cart and drives on. Well, the next two holes,

there's not much conversation going on.

We're all pretty quiet. And then finally he just says

I'll be back and he gets in the cart.

He drives back to that pond. He wades out into that murky

water, finds his club, comes back.

He's muddy from here down, and plays the rest of the day in

that murky clothes. Proverbs chapter 1429 says

people with understanding control their anger.

A hot temper shows great foolishness.

I know there's some of you that might argue and say, Steve, I I

I really can't. I know what you're saying, but I

can't control my anger. Well, I'm going to push back a

little bit here and say while you might not be able to control

the situation, you might not be able to control how it makes you

feel. You certainly can control how

you express your anger. It reminds me of a story I read

several years ago and it's said to be a true story.

You know how in other countries they often times do outdoor

passion plays? Well, in this particular

community, every year they did this passion play and they do it

in the streets. And so the audience is along the

sidewalk. This was supposed to be the Via

della Rossa. And Jesus is carrying his cross

on this particular day. He's walking up the street

carrying his cross, and there's a Heckler.

And this Heckler is so obnoxious and so rude.

And he's not just staying in one place.

As Jesus walks, he's following him up, just being abusive.

And it comes to a point. All of a sudden Jesus stops.

He puts down the cross and he walks over to the guy and he

punches him in the face and he walks back over and he picks up

his cross and he just starts going again.

Well, you can imagine after the play, the director came up, came

up and says. What are you doing?

He said. I cannot have the actors abusing

the audience, especially the one playing Jesus.

He's like, I'm so sorry man. I just lost my cool.

I wasn't thinking it will never happen again.

He said it better not day two, same scenario, same Heckler,

just keeps going. He finally gets to point, he

breaks, he puts down the cross, he goes over and he hits him

again. He comes back and on he goes.

The director afterwards said, you're done, you're fired.

I can't have that. And the guy said please don't

fire. If you fire me, no one will ever

hire me to act in this town again.

I'm just finished, he said. You got to give me one more

chance. And he said I'll give you one

more chance. But I'm telling you, if you do

anything like that ever again, don't even come looking for me.

Just get your stuff and get out of here and I will make sure you

never work in this community again.

So day three, same scenario. He's carrying it.

Same Heckler, more obnoxious than he's ever been.

He's squeezing his first, grinding his teeth, doing

everything he can. And finally he stops.

He turns toward the Heckler and he said I'll meet you after the

resurrection. And on he goes.

Guys, if we don't learn to control our anger, we will never

be like Jesus. Some of you try to use anger to

motivate people to action. You yell at your kids to

motivate their behavior. You yell at the sales clerk to

motivate her to help you. You yell at your employees to

motivate them to work harder. And you know what?

It works, at least in the short term.

You can scare people into doing almost anything but guys in the

long run, listen to me. In the long run, you will always

lose because anger always alienates people.

I mean, when someone is shouting at you and yelling at you, does

it does it make you want to give them a hug?

No. When someone is in your face and

they're shouting at you, what do you do?

You're you're backing away, you're putting your hand up.

It's like, get away from me. Go on.

I don't want to hear this. You shut down.

Anger always alienates people. If you were a parent and you are

using anger to motivate your kids, listen to me.

You are actually pushing your kids away.

Let me explain what I mean. When your kids were young, they

thought you were a superhero. Come on, everyone else might

think you're a bit quirky. Some people might think you're a

bit odd. Not your kids.

They think you can do no wrong. Their spirits are wide open.

But guys, if you continue, listen to me.

If you continue to show anger towards your children, it will

close down their spirit. They can't move out, so they'll

still live under your roof, but their spirits are closed.

And what do we do as parents? We say, oh, it's just the

generations today. It's just the way kids are

today. Or we'll say it's a generation

gap. No, it's not a generation gap.

No, it's not the way kids are today.

You have shut down their spirit and it's very difficult to get

their spirit wide open again. And the only way you're going to

do that is if they see you really are, first of all

repentive of it, that you're sorry for it and that you're

getting help for the anger in your life.

Paul addresses this in Ephesians chapter 6, verse four.

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

He said fathers do not provoke your children to anger by the

way you treat them. Rather bring them up with the

discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.

Friends, listen, if you struggle with the habit of anger, you

might feel like there's nothing you can do.

But you have more control over your anger than you think you

do. You can learn to express your

emotions without losing control. So today I want to give you a

few steps you can use to break this habit in your life once and

for all. But hear me on this.

If you work these steps and it still doesn't work, please hear

me. You work these steps and it

still doesn't work. You need to get professional

help. You need to get a counselor,

especially someone that specializes in anger issues.

I cannot overstate this because so you work the steps and you

say, Steve, it just didn't work. Get help.

Because guys, if you don't, you're going to come to the end

of your life with all kinds of regrets.

You don't just close the spirit of children, you close down the

spirit of everyone in your life that's close to you and you're

going to come to the end of your life.

And the people that you love the most aren't going to be there.

And those that are there are only there out of obligation.

So if that's not the way you want to end your life, I don't

care how old you are. I don't care how long everybody.

So everybody just knows that's the way I am.

I've just been this way. People understand it.

No, they don't understand it. You're deceiving yourself.

They don't understand it. So there has to come a point

where you say to your family, I'm sorry that I've hurt you.

I'm sorry that I've demonstrated and taken this anger out on you.

I've worked the steps. It's not working.

So I'm going to get help. Professional help.

I hope you can bring yourself to forgive me.

One day you'll be surprised how forgiving people can be.

You'll be surprised the family that loves you will jump at the

chance to see you break this habit once and for all in your

life. But guys, we often try to excuse

our behavior by blaming other people for our anger, don't we?

You know you talk to somebody about their anger and they'll

say, well it those it's those kids of mine that caused me to

be so angry or my Co workers make me so mad.

You know Steve, if she wouldn't have said that, I wouldn't have

lost my temper. Listen guys, before you ever

break this habit of anger, you have to own it.

You have to take responsibility. I already told you all 12

chapters. I've struggled with all of them

to 1° or another. So I've owned it.

I've owned each one and because I owned it, I was able to deal

with each one in my life. So you have to own the problem

1st and then you can begin to take the steps.

So let me quickly give you and the time we have left some of

the steps you can take #1 Identify the source of your

anger. Guys, if you have a habit of

losing control over every perceived injustice, you need to

figure out what's really behind your anger.

Because, guys, anger is rarely the primary problem.

In other words, it's usually the result of a much deeper problem,

a much deeper issue like pride or hurt or insecurity or

embarrassment. But once I understand what's

behind my anger, then I'm more likely to resolve it.

Let me give you a personal example.

When I was in my 30s, I started having a great deal of muscle

and joint pain. I I started going to doctors

trying to figure it out, and nobody seemed to be able to

pinpoint what it was. Some said it was stress, some

people said it was fibromyalgia, Other people had other names.

They were throwing out all kinds of names.

Nobody seemed to be able to figure out what it was.

But pain is debilitating, and I just know that I was in a lot of

pain. And I know that because of that,

my temper was short. I was impatient, and all of a

sudden during that period, I'm taking it out on the people I

love the most. They're doing something, just

not the way I wanted it, and I'm letting them have it.

So pain can be an underlying problem of your anger.

Emotional pain can be an underlying problem.

Some of you have got unresolved issues from maybe when you were

a child and you've never dealt with it, and it's causing you to

be angry to this day. Some of you just maybe had a

broken relationship and it's causing you to be angry and

causing you to lose your temper. Maybe someone, whatever.

There's just all kinds of common causes of anger.

I'm just saying if you can identify the source of your

anger, you're more likely to understand how to deal with it

#2 Learn to calm down before you react.

Here's the thing about the emotion of anger.

They're all God-given emotions, but the emotion of anger is 1.

We can feel, can't we? It's like when I'm start to get

angry. I feel it deep in my gut and it

starts to rise. The more angry I get, the more I

feel it coming up. So when I recognize it, when I

recognize there's a problem of anger, I just need to calm down.

I just need to walk away. When I start to feel those

emotions rise, I need to take a few minutes to collect my

thoughts and just explain it. If your kids, if you're angry at

your kids and you want to lay into them and you know that's

not what I want to do, so just simply say to them, we're going

to talk about this this evening. So I want you to think about it.

I'm going to walk away right now and you calm down.

And once you've calmed down, then you come back and have the

conversation with your spouse to just say, you know, I don't want

to have this conversation right now.

I'm too, too angry and you calm down.

Now I know, listen, I know that's easier said than done

because the emotion of anger is a tough one.

And when that emotion is rising, you want to lay into that

person. But if you seriously want to

break this once and for all, you've got to be intentional

about walking away. Ask yourself.

Talk is also very helpful. Ask yourself questions.

Is it really worth getting this upset over?

Will my anger really solve anything?

Proverbs 2911 says fools vent their anger, but the wise

quietly hold it back. In other words, think before you

speak. Put your mind in gear before you

put your mouth in motion. I heard it said before.

I've never regretted silence, but I've often regretted what I

spoke. I love the book of James.

He's just so blunt. I mean, he just cuts right to

the chase and says it the way it is.

In chapter one, verse 19, he says you must be quick to learn.

Excuse me? You must be quick to listen,

slow to speak and slow to get angry.

Right to the point. That's a refrigerator verse,

man. Stick that up.

You got to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get

angry #3 Get some exercise. Some of you say, man, that's out

of left field. Where did that come from?

What do we got to exercise for? Seriously, it helps.

Exercise helps. It helps to take a walk to go to

the gym. Whatever you need to do to

reduce. Your level of anger and stress.

Experts say that exercise helps increase the release of

endorphins in our body, which helps to reduce your stress.

Level #4 Let go of my anger correctly, guys.

I could spend the whole time just talking about this point.

There's a lot that could be said about how we let go of our

anger. You're not going to handle You

cannot handle your anger in inappropriate ways, for

instance. Don't repress it.

Now, some of you would say, But Steve, as a Christian, I would

think that's the way we're supposed to respond.

Or as a Christian, I'm not supposed to blow up at people.

Aren't I supposed to repress it? No.

Your anger is always going to find a way to be expressed,

sometimes through sarcasm. Some of you think you're pretty

witty with your sarcasm, but it's actually coming from

repressed anger. Some of you try to manipulate to

get your own way. Others of you have a vindictive

spirit and you say, I don't get mad, I just get even.

Listen friends, whether you complain, blame or criticize,

people that are negative are usually trying to repress their

anger. But friends, again, anger will

always find a way of release. Several years ago I did a

funeral for a 14 year old boy that was struck and killed by

lightning and it was a horrible scene and but the the uncle was

knocked out unconscious but he came back and the dog was

knocked unconscious but the boy took a direct hit and I remember

as seeing this and saying to the police officer I noticed on the

boy his jeans blew out and his knees and I said what in the

world is that all about. And the police officer said

electricity always has to find a way of release.

And it came out his knees. It will always find a way of

release. And I remember walking away from

that thinking, man, that's just like anger.

Anger always has to find a way of release.

By the way, there's another word for repressed anger.

You know what? That word.

Is depression. Depression is frozen rage,

repressed anger, and yet guys, on the flip side, you can't just

express your anger with violent or abusive reactions or verbal

abuse. That's the way my father

responded. When you do, you leave burn

marks on everyone in your path, one pastor said.

We often act like a skunk. We spray our stinking temper on

anyone that gets in our way #5. Practice forgiveness.

Forgiveness can be a good habit. Unforgiveness is a bad habit.

But you can create the habit of forgiveness in your life.

We know Jesus was unjustly beaten and mocked.

They placed a crown of thorn thorns on his head, and they

nailed his hands and feet to a wooden cross.

If anybody had the right to be angry, it was certainly Jesus.

Do you remember what he said? Father?

Forgive them. They don't know what they're

doing. If you really want to get rid of

your anger, you have to make the decision be intentional, that

you're going to forgive the person who's done you wrong.

If I make that decision today, I don't like it.

It hurt. But I'm going to forgive you.

I don't like it. It hurt.

But I'm going to forgive you before you know it.

That just becomes who you are. That becomes a good habit in

your life, Colossians 3 says. Bear with each other and forgive

one another. If any of you has a grievance

against someone, forgive us. The Lord forgave you.

Lewis Smedes once wrote to forgive us, to set a prisoner

free and discover the prisoner is you, And yet forgiveness.

Is a process, and while it might take time to let it go, you can

forgive that person that wronged you.

Number six, give your anger and expiration date.

Guys, there are some of you in this room that have been holding

on to anger for decades. There's some of you, this room

that you're angry over something that happened to you as a child

and you've never let it go. Some of you got had something

happen earlier this year and you're still holding on to it,

Paul writes in Ephesian 4. Don't let the sun go down while

you're still angry. In other words, don't let 24

hours go by before you resolve it.

Don't let a 24 hour period go by until you get rid of this once

and for all. So it's like I'm going to cut

this off. This is not going to hold me

prisoner anymore. Because guys.

When you allow angry emotions to accumulate over time, like a

pressure cooker, it's going to eventually explode in

destructive and inappropriate ways that are only going to hurt

the people you love the most. It's going to leave you with

regrets #7. Rely on God's control.

Seriously. If you really believe that God

has a plan for your life, you will experience contentment and

peace. You know, there's a there's a

for our people. I did an illustration, and

you're just going to have to visualize this.

But I I brought out two white pillars, one said goodness, and

one said control. And I stood between it.

And I said, as long as I stand between goodness, believing that

God is a good God that loves me, and between control, believing

that God is in control and he has my back, as long as I'm

here, I'm going to experience contentment and peace.

But it's when I step outside of those pillars and I say, well, I

know God's in control. I know he is still on the

throne. But you know, I don't.

I don't know if he loves me or not.

I've made a lot of mistakes. When that happens, what happens?

Peace and contentment go down. Worry, fear and anger begin to

rise. Maybe I step over here and say,

well, I know he's a good God, but I don't know if I don't know

if he's on the throne anymore or not.

Man, look at what's going on in the news.

Peace and contentment go down. Anger, worry and fear rise.

And that's why if you're a believer and you profess that

God's a good God and you believe he's on the throne and has your

back, then you have to stand between those two pillars.

And when you do this, anger will no longer or any other issue

will no longer be a problem for you.

For instance, maybe you were bidding on a new home and you

lost the bid. You didn't get it.

It's tempting to want to get angry, but then all of a sudden

you realize, you know what? God has a plan for my life.

I may not completely understand what he's doing, but I trust

him. I believe he has my back.

There's no reason to get upset. Anger is not something you can

prevent, but as long as you keep it under control and don't allow

it to become a habit or a pattern, you will have more

peace and healthier relationships.

I'm going to ask you to bow your head with me, if you would.

Every head bowed for just a moment.

No one's looking around. I'm going to simply ask you how

many of you would be honest before God that you would own it

and you'd raise your hand and say pray for me, Steve.

I have anger issues. Just raise it and then put it

back down. Yeah, all over the room.

So here's what I want us to do. And this maybe seem a little

odd, but I'm going to ask everybody in the room, Would you

just cup your hands in front of you like you're holding water?

Just cup your hands in front of you and I'm going to pray for

every one of us. And I'm asking that if you have

anger issues, if you have any issues whatsoever right now, but

specifically anger issues, I want you to see yourself putting

the anger issues in the palms of your hands.

Father, I thank you and I praise you right now for your

faithfulness in our life. And I thank you, God, that he

who is in US is greater than he who's in the world.

I thank you, God, that you've given us the power to say no to

sin. And so now, Lord, as we place

all of our anger issues in the palm of our hand, we we're

giving it to you. We're saying no to sin.

And so right now, guys, I want you to just dump it out.

Just let it go. Drop it once and for all.

Father, we're trusting you with this.

And we ask, Lord, that you would just continue to give us the

motivation and the desire to do something about this.

Give us the heart to break this habit of anger once and for all.

For our sake. For a children's sake.

For our spouses sake. And certainly God.

For your sake. Thanks God, we love you and we

praise you. We just ask it.

In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Thank you, Crossing. I'll be out there to sign if

anybody wants to. And I just want you to know I

love you guys. God bless.

So good. There's man.

I just want to let you know for those of you here in this room

and those of you who are watching with us online, there's

there's two things that that breaks my heart, that burdens me

pretty deeply and I know it breaks the Lord's heart too.

And the first thing is this is that I know that in this room

and and like I said, those who are watching, there's some of

you you've not started that intimate personal relationship

with Jesus Christ. You've not said yes to him.

And as we talked through all these different habits,

specifically anger, this week you are going to go out of this

room and you're going to try to break the habit of anger.

You're going to try to break the habit of sin.

But you can't. It's not possible.

You're not strong enough on your own.

I'm not strong enough on my own. I don't have the power to defeat

sin, but Jesus does. And when you start that

intimate, personal relationship with Him, when you invite him

into your life, when you say I want to give all control to you,

He gives us the greatest gift, and that is salvation and the

gift of the Holy Spirit to come take residence inside of us.

So as we are trying to defeat these habits, the Holy Spirit is

our helper. He helps guide us and direct us,

convict us. And so I want to invite you, if

you've not made that decision in your life, if you're tired of

trying so hard, but it's not working out, if you are just

exhausted because you're trying to be good and you're trying to

do the right thing. I just want you to know that's

never going to work out for you. It didn't work out for me.

It wasn't until I started that walk.

It wasn't until I said I trust in the name of Jesus that he

came and he took the place in my life that I was filling with

other things. And he's been teaching me

through his word. He's been teaching me through

his spirit. He's been teaching me through

the the Church and the people around me.

And I I want that for you. And I know he wants that for

you. And just a little bit, when the

music starts, there's going to be an opportunity for those of

you who've not made that decision.

You haven't been in the waters of baptism, who never declared

Jesus is your Lord and your Savior.

Today's the day you make that decision.

If you're watching online, there's someone online right

now. You just say, hey, that's me,

That's my story. I am so tired of doing it on my

own. I need him.

And there's going to be someone right there to help guide you

and direct you. And so during this next song,

you would practice one of those steps.

You would take exercise. You'd get up from your seat.

You'd walk. You talk to somebody and help

them. Let them help you make that next

step. And following him, the second

thing that breaks my heart is for as Christians, and I'm

talking specifically about myself.

When we live contrary to what he teaches us, when we don't look

very much different to the world, we give him a bad name.

In whatever context you are, you find yourself in, we're not

shining bright. We actually look exactly the

same as the rest of the world. The anger is overtaking us.

People look at you and they're like, is that Jesus?

And what it does is it doesn't draw people closer to him.

It actually draws people away from him.

I don't want to be a part of that.

Where's the fruit in your life? Where's the fruit in your life?

Core. And maybe that's you too.

That that breaks my heart. And it breaks his heart that we

don't represent him well in our lives.

My, my plea to you, for those of you who are here in these next

moments, for us as Christians, that you would identify what it

is that is drawing people away from him.

You would come up here to these steps, you'd get down on your

knees and you'd say, here it is. Lord, would you help me?

You know, Steve was instructing us to hold it in our hands, the

anger issues or whatever sin issue that you have, and he

asked us to drop it. I went back to me personally.

There's a lot of times when I've just, instead of dropping it at

the feet of Jesus, I just slowly put it right back in my pocket.

And I walked outside these doors and I kept trying to do it

myself. And I was like, I'm not ready to

relinquish that control. But I'm telling you today, one

of the ways you can physically drop it is by coming up and

giving it to him. And the last thing I want to

share with you is this is, you know, youth sports is another

outlet for anger. If you know, you know if you're

a coach, you've seen it. If you've been in the stands,

you've seen it. And the Lord taught me an

incredible lesson yesterday and used sports.

A year ago I was coaching a first and 2nd grade basketball

team, my son's team, and as I was moving around the court

trying to help the kids get in different positions, I had a A

grandparent angrily accused me and say, hey, I need you to get

out of my way. I was in their way.

They couldn't see their grandkid stop coaching the way you're

coaching, go back on your sideline.

I turned around and there's some anger that came inside of me as

anger came out of that person and it it left an imprint on my

my life for the last year. Well, yesterday I was coaching

and funny how God is is he put that grandchild on my team this

year in the same league. But I learned something when

that grandparent came up to me and he says, hey, I don't know

if you Remember Me and I says I remember you, he says.

But last year I lost control of my anger and I said some things

that I shouldn't have said to you.

I didn't understand how you're what you're doing and how you're

doing it. But I see it this year and I

just want you to know that I am so sorry.

What I learned in that was even though a year has passed by, his

anger affected me. But when he came up and he said

I need to release this, it not only released for him, but it

took a huge weight off my shoulder as well.

And I just wonder, is there something in this room that you

have done to somebody else? Is there something that I have

done to somebody else that I have let them sit in my anger

for too long and I have not went back to that person to say I'm

sorry. Maybe the Lord will just

continue to teach you like he's teaching me and that's what he

does in this time of invitation. So I invite you to stand to your

feet as we move into this time. They wouldn't stand still.

You'd exercise the gift of moving and humbling yourself.

Would you pray with me? God, we love you.

We're so thankful for this opportunity to worship you.

We're so thankful for your word and your spirit.

And I pray God that we are. We've never arrived.

Would you continue convicting us and impressing upon us what we

need to do, what our action is? God?

Would you allow us to relinquish all control to you, to trust you

for those of the people in the room and online who have not

trusted in the sweet name of Jesus, That in this moment would

you just make it so abundantly clear that you have chosen them,

that you love them, and your heart breaks for them?

And, Lord, I pray that they make a decision to follow you today.

God, would you help us and guide us and direct us in this time of

worship? In Jesus name I pray.

Amen.