"New Years Evolution" - DISCIPLINED

Hi, this is John Dante, the pastor of Evolved Church, and this is the Evolved Church Podcast.

Thanks for tuning in.

We trust that this week's message is encouraging, full of hope, and well, welcome to your New Year's Evolution.

We are on part three of a series of talks, and we've based a series of talks around a core passage of scripture in Romans 12, 2, which you just saw on the screen behind me, and it read, Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think.

On week one, we had fun together saying the word total.

A total reformation, but we said it like a 1980s valley girl.

Total, right?

Everybody say total on the count of three.

One, two, three.

You can do better than that.

Seriously, like it channel your best inner valley girl.

One, two, three.

Much better.

A total reformation of how you think.

This will empower you to discern God's will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes.

A total reformation of how we think when we're inwardly transformed by God's by the Holy Spirit.

We've also set up, if you missed the first two weeks, that's okay.

Today's talk kind of stands alone.

But you can go back, we have an audio podcast wherever podcasts are available for iOS devices and Android devices and just search evolve church.

And you can listen to weeks one and two if that piques your interest.

But we talked last week about how there is an enemy, and his MO is steal, kill, and destroy.

But the good news is we can know when the devil, the enemy, is at work in our lives, because he's a one-trick pony.

He will mess with your thinking, he will mess with your thought life.

He will introduce wrong thoughts, negative thoughts, and it's on us as followers of Jesus to learn how to recognize wrong thoughts, take them captive, tear them down through this inward transformation of Holy Spirit, through a total reformation of how we think.

So on week one, we we redefined what it means to be confident.

We changed our thinking about confidence.

Last week, hopefully, we renewed our minds and changed our thinking about what it means to be patient.

And today, I want to talk about what it means to be disciplined.

I could almost hear an audible groan.

Disciplined, fantastic, right?

It's a new year, new goals, new dreams.

Come on, everybody's thinking about being more disciplined this year.

Yes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So let's define the word disciplined.

The ability to carefully control the way that you work, the way that you live, or the way that you behave, especially to achieve a goal.

So to be disciplined is to be able to carefully control the way that you work, live, or behave, especially to achieve a goal.

Repeat after me.

I like being disciplined.

But you gotta say it like you mean it.

I like being disciplined.

Do you really?

Because there's another definition for disciplined.

And that's actually what I want to talk about.

Being disciplined.

Having been corrected, coached, chastised, punished, or penalized in order to train and encourage growth.

Who loves being disciplined?

Come on, I love being disciplined.

Say it with me.

Nobody wants to say it.

I love being disciplined.

Good for you.

You know, Proverbs talks about how if you have wisdom, then you love correction.

And it'll probably be a long time before I talk about this again.

But I think it's important to talk about.

Because we we miss some things.

And if you're if you've been at Evolved from launch day, if you're brand new here today, maybe you're serving Jesus, maybe you're not.

Just the topic, the idea of talking about us being disciplined.

And it's the second definition that I'm gonna lean into being corrected, being coached, being chastised, or even being punished or penalized in order to train and encourage growth.

Are there any kids or teenagers in the room?

A few.

Do you love being disciplined?

No.

That's my own kid, by the way.

No.

Let's read from Proverbs 3, verse 11 through 13.

Proverbs 3:11–13

Here's what the Bible says.

My child, my son, my daughter.

When the Lord God speaks to you, never take his words lightly.

And never be upset when God corrects you.

For the father's discipline comes only from his passionate love and his pleasure for you.

Notice the motive for discipline, love and pleasure.

Even when it seems like his correction is harsh, it's still better than any father on earth gives to his child.

Those who find true wisdom obtain the tools for understanding the proper way to live, for they will have a fountain of blessing pouring into their lives.

And the inference here is that the wisdom and the tools for understanding and the proper way to live comes out of a habit of being able to receive correction from God.

Okay?

Now, in the book of Hebrews, in the New Testament, actually, we're not sure exactly who wrote this letter.

People, most Bible scholars think it was probably Paul based on how it was written, but there's not a hundred percent certainty.

Some people think that this was actually a sermon that Paul preached and that somebody transcribed and then submitted as a letter.

But whoever wrote this, uh, they actually quote Proverbs and then they expand on it.

They quote it and then they interpret and apply it.

So Hebrews chapter 12, verse 5 through 13.

Hebrews 12:5–13

Here's what it says.

It's a little long, you can read along with me, but it says, My child, don't underestimate the value of the discipline and training of the Lord.

Sounds familiar.

We just read that in Proverbs.

And he's actually quoting this old text.

Don't get depressed when God has to correct you, for the Lord's training of your life is the evidence of his faithful love.

And when he draws you to himself, it proves that you're his delightful child.

And then he unpacks it.

The author says, Fully embrace God's correction as a part of your training.

But what if I don't want to?

Well, let's read on.

For God is doing what any loving father does for his children.

For who's ever heard of a child who never had to be corrected?

All the parents said, Amen.

We all should welcome God's discipline as the validation of authentic sonship or daughtership.

So when God corrects us, it's validation that he loves us because we're his kids.

Okay?

For if we have never once endured his correction, it only proves we're strangers and not sons and daughters.

And isn't it true that we respect our earthly fathers even though they corrected and disciplined us?

Then we should demonstrate an even greater respect for God, our spiritual father, as we submit to his life-giving discipline.

Our parents corrected us for the short time of our childhood, as it seemed good to them.

But God corrects us through our lives for our own good, giving us an invitation to share his holiness.

Wait, so when God corrects us, it's actually a loving invitation to share in his holiness?

Oh, okay, that doesn't sound so bad.

Now, all discipline seems to be more pain than pleasure at the time, yet later it will produce a transformation of character, bringing a harvest of righteousness and peace to those who yield it.

And lastly, it says, so be made strong even in your weakness, by lifting up your tired hands in prayer and worship, and strengthen your weak knees, for as you keep walking forward on God's paths, all of your stumbling ways will be divinely healed.

In Jesus' name.

Four thoughts from Hebrews 12, 5 through 13.

Number one, we should learn to embrace being disciplined as a part of our spiritual growth.

Number two, we should see the gift of being disciplined as for our own good and as an invitation to share in God's holiness.

Number three, remember that on the other side of being disciplined are both righteousness and peace.

Number four, being disciplined brings strength to our weakness if we don't quit and keep moving forward.

My greatest job on planet Earth is being a father to my three kids.

I love being a daddy.

And I love parenting with Nicole.

And the opportunity to invest and speak into and raise up children is one of the most like life-giving tasks, but also one of the most daunting and terrifying tasks.

Like I remember when Julia, our daughter, our eldest, was first born, and she was tiny.

She fit like in my hand and on my wrist.

And I remember holding her, looking down at this little pooping, burping, farting, smelly, crying little thing.

She's still that way.

Um I remember looking down at her and going, sweet Jesus, what have we done?

Like, I'm not qualified to raise this.

I there's no manual.

How am I supposed to be a good dad?

And and hopefully, I mean, I'm not the only one in the room.

Maybe there are other people who have children that can relate to that a little bit.

That when you're when your first child was firstborn, there's this incompetency that rises up on the inside and screams at you, you're gonna fail.

And um, it's been amazing as my kids have grown up.

I watch them and how they interact with the world around them, how they connect with other people, how at their own season they're all learning to trust and follow Jesus.

And it's beautiful for me to watch our kids grow.

And Nicole and I, with each one of our children, we stood in front of a church community and we dedicated our kids to the Lord at some point.

And when we dedicated our kids, we spoke vows out loud.

And the vows that we spoke included two words, nurture and admonish.

And that was our commitment before God that we were gonna nurture our children and that we were gonna admonish our children in a way that honors Jesus and helps our kids to learn to trust and follow Jesus.

So what does it mean?

I'll get into that.

Um, but to nurture and admonish, we we haven't like always gotten it right, and we've made some mistakes along the way.

And truthfully, anytime I make a parenting fail, I um I go on Instagram and I uh search the hashtag parentfail.

And then I look at the photos that are there because it always makes me feel better about being a dad.

Um, like take this one for instance.

Um, yeah.

The real moms of Instagram, um, a paint lid that was shut in five minutes of nursing your other baby later.

Yeah, she's covered in paint.

Hashtag parent fail.

It actually reminds me of a time when Nicole and I were building a home and we were living with my in-laws in their house in their by-level, and they had like this light white, creamy colored carpet.

And I was getting ready to go to our new house that was almost finished to paint some feature wells, so I had some cans of paint sitting on the stairs.

And our our third, our second born, Riley, he was just little at the time.

I think he was two or three.

He was crawling, he was on the movie, he got his hands on one of these paint cans, and I think he just, by nature of banging it on the ground, somehow got this blue paint open.

And um, and we had a mess on our hands, a lot like that photo, except that our mess involved paint all over my in-law's carpet, um, which we cleaned up, um, right?

Parent fail.

Parent fail.

We're not perfect as parents, but we're learning to nurture our kids and we're learning to admonish them in a way that honors Jesus.

So to nurture them, uh, my kids love the nurture.

They love the encouragement, they love the hugs, they love the tickles, they love the closeness, they love the laughter, the fun, the conversation, the prayer time, the reading books, they love the nurture.

However, they do not generally love the admonishment.

They don't love to be admonished, and to admonish simply to coach, to correct the intensity, the discipline, the consequences of the discipline, the tears.

Um, so um, can I be a good, good father without both nurturing and admonishing my kids?

Is it possible?

I've got three people shaking their heads, and four people.

People are saying no.

Can I be a good dad?

Can I be an effective father with only nurturing my kids?

In Hebrews it says that man, if we never get corrected, we're not actually sons, we're outsiders.

So I believe healthy parenting, and if you're in the room and you're a mom and a dad, I hope you agree with me that we are both meant to nurture and to admonish our kids.

We're supposed to love and nurture them, we're supposed to coach and correct them.

And so if I never laid out boundaries, if I never laid out life lessons, if Nicole and I never laid out expectations on our children, and then if we never coached and corrected our kids around those expectations, I would be a terrible parent.

Because it's our job to nurture and admonish.

I think it's God's job as our spiritual father to both nurture us.

We love the love that we get from God, but it's also on God as our spiritual father to admonish us.

Now, I've developed over the years a few statements that I use on a regular basis as a dad.

I've got some nurture statements and I've got some admonish statements.

And this is a little insight into uh Nicole and John's parenting world 101.

Some nurture statements.

On a regular basis, every day, I tell my children that I love them.

And I usually ask it as a question do you know how much I love you?

Do you know how much daddy loves you?

All the time, I tell my kids I love them because I think that's an important statement.

Here's another nurture statement that I tell my kids, and especially my sons, you've got what it takes.

I'm proud of you.

I believe in you.

As your dad, I can see ahead.

I'm so proud of you.

You've got what it takes.

I believe in you.

When it comes to homework, when it comes to soccer, when it comes to dance, when it comes to extracurricular, when it comes to life in general, friendships at school, relationship crisis, I'm proud of you.

I believe in you, you've got what it takes.

Here's another nurture statement that I love to make with my kids.

I love to tell them that they're gorgeous or that they're handsome or that they're beautiful, and just evoke their worth in a way that helps them see themselves the way that God sees them.

When Julia was, I think she was in grade one or two, she came home from school crying one day because this little boy at school called her ugly.

And I look, I got down on my knees because that's what I do as a dad, because I'm really tall and I don't want to intimidate my kids.

So I got down on my knees and I looked Julia in the eye and I said, Julia, how often does daddy tell you that you're beautiful?

And she goes, Oh the time?

Right?

I'm like, who are you gonna believe?

That kid or your dad?

You right?

So repeat after me.

I'm not ugly.

I'm not ugly, I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, right?

Um so nurturing.

Now the admonishment in our home.

Here's a statement that we make on a regular basis.

We don't do that.

We're Xantings.

That's not how we roll.

We do not do that.

You know, we don't solve conflict with violence.

You know, we don't fight to get our way.

And uh Riley, the good example, he was at school and he was in grade four, Julia was in grade six, and some boys, some grade six boys, were picking on his sister, three of them.

And my little guy, my grade four son, marched right up to those boys and punched the uh instigator.

Just hammered down on him.

The kid was crying and uh just in defense of his sister.

Now I applaud him coming to his sister's defense, but I don't applaud him sucker punching this grade six boy.

We don't do that, right?

So that when we come to it comes to coaching, these these are some things we don't do.

And in your home, you've probably got some expectations and some guidelines.

These are things we don't do.

And the other one I love that we say on a regular basis, uh, and it's kind of a rhyme and it's like a call and repeat thing.

So I say, what does it mean to be a good listener?

And they say, to listen right away.

And I say, What does it mean to listen right away?

And then they say, to listen and obey.

So what does it mean to be a good listener?

What does it mean to listen right away?

Right, so this is another admonishment in our home when we're coaching our kids.

And uh we had an example this week, right?

Caleb was dancing on top of the couch.

And generally speaking, we don't dance on the furniture in our home because it lasts longer.

And I'm a big guy, things are gonna get broken if I start dancing on furniture.

And so Nicole's like, Caleb, could you not could you not jump on the furniture, please, buddy?

And he didn't listen.

So then uh he's doing it again, so I called him over.

I said, Hey buddy, come here for a second.

And he came right up to me and I said, Caleb, mommy asked you to quit jumping on the couch.

Um, were you being a good listener?

No.

What does it mean to be a good listener?

To listen right away.

What does it mean to be to listen right away?

To listen and obey.

Okay, thanks, buddy.

Four minutes, I didn't time it, but it was approximately three to five minutes later.

He came back into the room, got back on the couch, and started dancing on the couch again.

So then we got to up it, right?

Caleb, come over here.

Could you please go downstairs into your bedroom, go crawl up into your bed, and I'll be down in a little while to have a conversation with you.

Right?

So the coaching, the admonishment.

Here's the thing: as an up close and personal daddy, I want my boundaries, my lessons, my expectations of my kids.

I want them to be healthy, I want them to be loving, I want them to be realistic, I want them to be achievable, and I want them to be crystal clear.

And I think every parent in the room would agree with me that when it comes to coaching and admonishing our kids, we want our expectations, boundaries, hopes, dreams, we want it to be realistic, we want it to be achievable, we want it to be healthy, we want it to be loving, we want it to be clear.

I want my kids to be able to come quickly to terms with their coaching moment because whatever we're addressing is actually something we've talked about before.

This is not a new thing.

We've already had this conversation, we've already set this up as something that we expect.

I've laid out clearly for you as a dad and as a mom, these are the ways that we desire you to walk in.

Here's a poll.

We're gonna take a poll of the room.

Are you ready for this?

When as a parent, I have to discipline one of my children as a consequence for something they have said or done that isn't congruent with what Nicole and I have previously laid out for them as a loving, healthy, realistic, achievable, and crystal clear expectation?

Who's to blame for the consequence?

Wait, don't answer.

Just think about it.

When the consequence comes, when the discipline comes, who's to blame for the discipline?

Is it A, the child, or B, the parent?

Who's to blame?

Think it through.

I'll circle back in a minute.

Why is it that we often allow the stuff that happens to us in our lifetime to shape how we see God?

Things happen to us, and so we look at God through the lens of whatever happened.

Rather than letting the love and spiritual father heart of God shape how we choose to respond to the stuff that happens to us.

I want to say that one more time because I think it's really important.

Why is it that we so often allow the stuff that happens in life that we filter as being some kind of coaching or some kind of suffering or some kind of correction or some kind of discipline?

But when we go through something hard, we shape what we think about God based on that experience.

Rather than letting the father, spiritual, beauty, loving heart of an amazing God shape how we choose to respond when the stuff happens.

The trouble that we're in so often isn't punishment, it's training, it's coaching, it's growth.

And it's it's a laneway for God to come and fill and be present.

I present that what feels like suffering to us in this lifetime is either a some result of living on this broken and fallen world that we call planet Earth.

There is an enemy, he is rampant, his MO is steal, kill, and destroy.

And either what we're going through is a consequence of living on this broken, fallen planet earth, sickness, disease, natural disasters, poverty.

These are not things that God gives people to teach them something.

And if you grew up believing that, you need to change what you think about God.

These are not things that God gives to people.

I hope they get it.

If, as a loving father, I wanted to coach and nurture and admonish my daughter, and I took a needle full of poison and Stabbed it in her arm and said, Baby, this is gonna hurt.

But Daddy loves you.

I'm gonna teach you something.

You would lock me up and throw away the key.

What kind of father gives his child disease or sickness to teach them something?

No good father.

But there is a broken and fallen world that we live in and exist as a part of.

And sickness and disease and calamity, natural disasters, these things, they are all in play because of the sin nature and the brokenness of planet Earth.

So I present that what feels like suffering to us is either that or it's some natural consequence of a choice that we've made.

For example, unforgiveness.

A relationship severs because we don't forgive.

Did God do that?

No, you didn't forgive.

Consumed with fear, consumed with worry, consumed with bitterness.

What have we neglected in our spiritual care that has led us to where we're at today?

Hebrews 12.

Reading a little bit later on, as we fully embrace God's correction as a part of our training, he's doing what any loving father does for his kids.

Who's ever heard of a child who never had to be corrected?

We all should welcome God's discipline as the validation of authentic sonship and daughtership, for if we've never once endured his correction, it only proves we're strangers and not kids.

So how is God involved in our life when we walk through something that's either A, a result of the broken and falling world that God didn't put on us, but he still lovingly cares for us?

That's not a discipline or correction, it's just a part of the world we live in.

Or two, a natural consequence of a choice we've made that falls outside of God's best for us.

Because what I love about the Bible and what I love about serving God is that when it comes to his ways for us, so many Christians say, God, I want to know your will.

And when they ask that, if it's about behavioral things or growth things, you only need to read through the narrative of scripture from start to finish to understand that God laid out clearly for us in writing his best ways for us to walk in.

We don't have to second guess or wonder how does God want us to live?

Does God want us to uh stop worrying?

Yeah.

Oh, how do I know that?

Well, all through the Bible it says, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.

Four thoughts from Hebrews 12, embrace being disciplined.

See the gift of being disciplined is for your own good.

Remember that on the other side are both righteousness and peace, and being disciplined brings strength to our weakness.

Circle back to my little poll.

When as a parent, I have to discipline one of my children for something they have said or done that isn't congruent with what Nicole and I have previously laid out for them as a loving, healthy, realistic, achievable, and crystal clear expectation, who's to blame?

The child or the parent?

The child.

Can we agree on that?

Does anybody think it's the parent?

If it is, we can have a conversation about this.

But I think our rationale would lead us to think, well, the child, despite it being clear, realistic, reasonable, healthy, loving, despite all that, they still stepped outside of it.

And as a parent, it was our job to actually know.

This is what we do.

We don't do that.

We do this.

No, actually, we need to be obedient.

This is how, what does it mean to be a good listener?

When you and I interpret discipline from our spiritual father through the lens of how could God allow this?

Then we lose sight of our own disobedience to the loving, healthy, realistic, achievable, clear, and revealed ways of God.

Ouch.

Repeat after me.

I love being disciplined.

That was good.

That was good.

And I happen to think that when it comes to God and us, there are two spiritual admonishments that God admonishes us in ways that we can lean into and grasp.

Number one, God simply says, hey, we don't do that.

We don't do that.

Psalm 119 says, God, your word have I laid up in my heart that I might not sin against you.

And as we let God's word fill up our heart, it gives us a clear picture of his revealed ways.

These are the things that we do.

And the ways in Scripture, beginning to end, it's a laundry list of his revealed ways for us.

It's written down.

You don't have to wonder, well, what are God's loving, healthy, realistic, achievable, and clear expectations for us?

All through the Bible, God says, hey, you're my son, you're my daughter.

Be courageous.

God says, hey, walk in love.

God says, choose joy.

Don't be afraid.

Give thanks.

Rejoice.

Praise God.

Take heart.

Have hope.

These are all his revealed ways for us.

That's how he wants us to live.

That's how he wants us to walk.

It's written down, it's clear.

And so anything that doesn't look like that, and the list is much longer.

And again, these aren't rules or regulations.

And we don't get punished from God if we step outside.

We get lovingly nurtured, brought back in.

God's not a spanker, he's a hugger.

There's a big difference.

And if you've seen God as a spanker, amen, if I miss the mark, if I step outside, man, am I in trouble?

Then you're missing out on the loving, nurturing discipline that comes from the heart of God.

The second admonishment that God says to us is simply this hey, what does it mean to be a good listener?

Come on, listen right away.

And as you listen, listen and obey.

Hebrews 4.

It says this.

God means what he says, and what God says goes.

His powerful word is sharp, sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything.

It cuts through our doubt, it cuts through our defense, and it lays us open to listen and obey.

Nothing and no one is impervious to God's word.

We can't get away from it, no matter what.

I hope today, in our short time, more than anything, I want to encourage you to, if you took notes, go through them this week.

If you didn't take notes, when we have the podcast up and live, re-listen.

Because there exists in a lot of people's minds that are trying to learn to trust and follow Jesus, there exists a belief system that when bad things happen, it's because God put it on us.

And that is not true.

There are things that happen to us as a part of this world system that God actually, because Satan, the enemy of our soul, has some authority on planet Earth and has some leadership because of the sin nature, there's stuff that happens to us that God says, I'll help you through that.

I'll walk through that with you.

And as a parent, the best example I can give is if your son or daughter trips and falls and smashes a tooth out of their face and they're a hot, bloody mess, and they're crying, and you come running over, your child's probably not gonna say, Daddy, why'd you let that happen to me?

They're probably gonna say, Daddy, I'm in pain.

And so when we walk through things that are a result of the broken and fallen world, our response should be, Father, this hurts.

But I know you're with me.

And I know that you've provided, and I know that there's a way through this.

Whether it's calamity or poverty or sickness or disease, God, I know that you're with me.

Not, God, how could you allow this?

But God, thank you.

Thank you for your spirit on the inside of me.

Thank you for the life and the healing that comes from serving you.

And then when we walk through a consequence that is a result of something that we've said or done that steps outside of God's best for us, his revealed, written-down, crystal clear ways.

When we when God, the heart of God on the inside of us says, Hey, son, daughter, we don't do that.

Let's pull this back in, let's lean back in.

Then we receive that as loving correction, loving discipline from the heart of God, loving coaching from a spiritual father who loves his kids.

His motive is always love.

His motive is always, I want you to grow, I want you to grow, I want you to mature, I want you to develop, I want you to get stronger.

I hope today that you have a sense of Holy Spirit transforming what you think about what it means to be disciplined by God.

Bit of a heavy topic.

We're not always this heavy, but at the same time, I hope it sets somebody free today.

I hope it brings life and hope to somebody who's walking through something and trying to figure out where God fit in this.

That's my prayer in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Let's pray.

Father, thank you so much that your word is clear.

So many of us were learning the uh the discipline of spending time reading the Bible, opening it up for ourselves, and allowing the words on the page to be more than just words on a page.

We're allowing those words to hit our hearts and to hit our head and to bring a sense of who you are in a beautiful way into our life.

All of us here, 100% honest, we we none of us love being coached or corrected or disciplined.

In the context of our marriages or our workplace, our family.

It's always a little bit painful when somebody comes and puts their arm around our shoulder and says, Hey, love you.

Saw what you did there.

I think you could do better next time.

It's always maybe a little embarrassing to be coached, a little tension, a little stressful.

Because it requires us to admit our own uh shortcomings, to admit where we've stepped out of line or missed the mark.

But it's only pride that would harden our hearts and respond with words that are Who are you to tell me what to do?

Who are you?

So, God, I ask that by your spirit you would you would help us be in tune with our hearts, that we'd have soft hearts.

Like it says in Proverbs, that we would with wisdom learn to love correction from one another in spiritual community, from our spouse, from our closest friends, from those in leadership over us.

That we would learn to love and embrace correction.

And then in a deeper way, in our walk with you, that we would not ever let pride harden our hearts and blind us from seeing where we miss the mark, because we all do.

Every one of us falls short, every one of us.

And so, Father, by your Holy Spirit, I ask that you would help us begin to regularly own our stuff and allow the voice of your Holy Spirit on the inside of us to discipline, to bring coaching, to bring correction, with a motive of love, with a motive of grace, with a motive of growth.

That you both nurture us and admonish us is such a gift.

It's our understanding to being a part of and sharing in your holiness.

It's an invitation in our understanding of what it means to walk in righteousness and grace.

Help us receive discipline from you each and every day.

In Jesus' name.

Thanks so much for the stuff.com for more for the church and put everything.