⛳️"Daddy Issues"🥊

Hi, this is John O'Zanting, lead pastor of Evolved Church, and this is the Evolved Church Podcast.

Thanks so much for tuning in.

We hope that you find today's message encouraging and full of hope for wherever you're at.

Well, happy Father's Day, everybody.

Yes, it's true, you heard correctly.

I want to share a message today called Daddy Issues.

And uh that's not a phrase that I love.

I digress.

I'll get into that um and I'll share why.

But I wanted to just kick things off today, right out of the gate, and just say our family, uh, this weekend, we're like in moving mode.

And um, we sold our house in January and we're moving into a temporary rental house.

And so over the last month, we've been in this process of going through every room in our home.

How many of you moved before?

It's a lot of work.

Going through every room in our home, uh packing up things, purging things, going through closets.

What do we use?

What do we're not using anymore?

What do we want to give away?

What do we want to throw away?

What do we want to sell?

And then, man, we hit the storage room and we opened up bins that we moved here three years ago when we moved here from Winnipeg and we're going through those things.

And how many of you have a keepsake box?

Comment in the chats for me if you have keepsake, either like rubber made bins or boxes in your house for every one of your family members.

Man, I was going through my keepsakes and I found my like my piano Koanis Music Festival certificates from when I was a kid, and and my stuffed animal, just this ratty old stuffed dog.

His name is New Dog.

I named him New Dog because I had another stuffed dog that I lost, and then I got a new new one.

So he was like New Dog.

I know, crazy.

But we're going through all the kids' keepsigs bins, and and Nicole and Julia went through Julia's together, and they're like, well, what do you really want to keep?

And what do you want to get rid of?

And moving's like, it's a ton of work, but I feel like it's really, really, really worth it because we kind of like purge and and hit reset on a lot of things and figure out like what don't we need anymore, and and kind of like pare down our life.

And I'm just wondering, do you ever do that for your heart?

Do you ever do that for your soul?

Maybe you feel stuck in this season.

Maybe you feel just like sort of trapped right now in your life.

And maybe in order for you to move, in order for you to have some momentum, some forward motion with your life, maybe you need to like examine some of the rubber-made bins of your heart, some of the boxes of your soul, and figure out like, what do I need to hang on to?

But what do I actually need to purge?

What do I need to get rid of?

What do I need to get out of my life in this season?

There's a faith language that we use all the time at Evolve, and it's this you're a son or you're a daughter.

And there's faith attached to that, that in our walk with Jesus, we've been given full access to God, not just as this cosmic being somewhere in the universe, but as Father.

We've been given full, unfettered access to God as father.

But what does that evoke in you?

What does that pull out of your heart?

Let's face it, we all have daddy issues.

Every single one of us.

We all have daddy issues, uh, whether that's like a need for approval, um, this unsatiable, like, I need validation in my life, insecurity, this kind of like doom loop, like this doom that we feel when things are negative or we perceive things as being negative, it takes us to this like worst-case scenario, being anxious or struggling in a relationship with authority.

Now, daddy issues as a phrase isn't an official medical term.

It's not even a recognized disorder in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

It's not a medical term.

And this could explain why many medical experts actually have a real issue with the term daddy issues.

They struggle with it, including Amy Rolo.

Amy Rolo is a triple licensed mental health provider based out of the United States.

And in some of my study this week, I came across some comments she made.

She's quoted as saying, for the record, I don't believe in the term daddy issues.

Many see this phrase as a way to minimize attachment, like real attachment issues, and they minimize that by just saying, Oh, you've just got daddy issues.

She goes on to explain children need a dependable adult in their lives to form secure attachments.

If this isn't formed, many people can form avoidant or anxious attachment styles.

This isn't a psychology lesson, but just I want to end quote by by uh quoting uh Rolo.

She says, if a child doesn't have a father figure in their life consistently, this could lead to an insecure attachment style later on in adulthood.

Is there a deprivation of healthy fatherhood in the world that we live in?

And I don't know how you feel about that.

I don't need you to comment in the chats for me today as a part of this online experience.

But even just beginning to talk about this or using a phrase like daddy issues, is there a deprivation in your own heart when it comes to your relationship with your father?

Be that adoptive father, stepfather, biological father, uh father figure.

Is there a deprivation in your heart when it comes to the relationship you have or don't have with your daddy?

What happens when we're deprived of a healthy father?

What things take place in the world?

And so here's some statistics for you from a couple of sources the National Fatherhood Initiative and the U.S.

Bureau of Census and the FBI.

Here's some stats, recent stats about father-deprived children.

Did you know that father-deprived children are 72% of all teenage murderers?

72% of all teenagers who commit murder are father-deprived.

60% of rapists, father-deprived.

70% of kids who are incarcerated, father deprived.

Kids who are father deprived are twice as likely to drop out of school, 11 times more likely to be violent, three out of four teenage suicides, father deprived.

80% of the adolescents in psychiatric hospitals, 80% of adolescents in psychiatric hospitals, father deprived.

90% of runaways, father deprived.

That's significant.

This is the impact of a life deprived of father.

And I don't know your story.

And as much as you don't really know mine, and I don't know what your growing up experience was like, and I don't know what your relationship with your dad feels like even in this moment on Father's Day 2021.

Did you send your dad a card?

Did you did you call your dad today?

Did you give him a shout-out on Instagram?

Or is it just painful?

Is that all you feel?

But my big question for you and for me and for all of us, are you aware that your understanding and your heart beliefs about your dad will greatly impact how you explore, embrace, and ultimately live out your faith in relationship with the Father, with God the Father?

Are you aware?

Have you connected the dots that your understanding and your heart beliefs connected to your relationship with your dad are going to play out, they're going to impact how you explore and live and embrace your faith in relationship with God the Father.

The Bible's split into two parts.

We call it the Old Testament and then the New Testament, or the Old Agreement and the New Agreement.

And there's a turning point between the old agreement that God had with his sons and daughters, and a new agreement he made with his kids that he established through Jesus.

There's a turning point.

And it's interesting to me, fascinating and beautiful and timely, that the very, very, very, very last verse of the old covenant, the old agreement, the very last verse in Malachi chapter 4, verses 5 and 6, the last verses in the Old Testament say this Look, I'm sending you the prophet Elijah before the great and dreadful day of the Lord arrives.

Malachi 4:5

His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers.

Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse.

This very last verses in the Old Testament speak about a coming prophet in the school of Elijah.

Elijah lived way before this, so Elijah's already dead.

And so this prophecy is about like a kind of Elijah that's going to come.

And his preaching is going to make a way for fathers to turn towards their children and for children's hearts to turn back towards their fathers.

Did you know that in God's plan, in God's heart, his desire is for this relationship between us and dad to be restored and mended and healed, to give way for us to truly walk in our relationship as sons and daughters with him as Father.

I believe God wants to do some surgery in our hearts today when it comes to us and dad.

And then at the start of the New Testament, Old Testament ends, New Testament begins.

And the Gospel of Luke.

Here's what it says, Luke 1.17.

And it's talking about John the Baptist.

John the Baptist is making a way for Jesus.

He comes before Jesus and he prophesies the arrival of Jesus.

And God's setting the stage for this new agreement that he wants to make between you and him through Jesus that's going to restore relationship between you and Father God.

John the Baptist, here's what it says about him.

He will be a man with the spirit and power of Elijah.

He will prepare the people for the coming of the Lord.

He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and he will cause those who are rebellious to accept the wisdom of the godly.

And so Luke teaches about John the Baptist at the start of the New Testament, the same picture of in the vein of Elijah, something's happening between dads and kids.

And something connected to Jesus wants to mend and heal and restore and do heart surgery when it comes to us and dad.

I believe that the love of our God and Father beckons us to step deeper into the waters of relationship with Him through Jesus.

I believe that even still here today, in this space, in this digital room where we're gathered together, focused on Jesus in this online church community, God wants to do surgery on our hearts and turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers.

And when we invite God into that relationship to bring healing between us and dad, I can't help but sense that's going to make us free when it comes to this relationship between us and Father God?

Big question.

Are you aware that your understanding and your heart beliefs about your dad will greatly impact how you explore, embrace, and ultimately live out your faith in relationship with God the Father?

What if instead of looking at God through the lens of your biological father or stepfather or adoptive father or absentee father?

What about if if instead of looking at God through the lens of Daddy that we know here on planet Earth, you looked to God as your perfect father, and that began to heal, heal the hurts and the wounds and the lies you've believed about daddy for too long?

What if God wants to perform surgery on your heart today?

What if God sits and says, Don't project your experience of dad onto your relationship with me?

Rather, would you let your relationship with me begin to bring healing to your relationship with dad?

And you might be watching today and have like an amazing relationship with your biological or adoptive father or your stepdad.

You might have an incredibly life-giving relationship.

But I want to set the tone today for God to like speak to our hearts and bring healing to some of the things we've believed that are hurting us in our relationship with Him.

You are not a servant in the kingdom of heaven.

You are not a slave in the kingdom of heaven.

You are not an outsider in the kingdom of heaven.

You are not a passive bystander in the kingdom of heaven.

You are a daughter.

You are a son.

In the last few months, we've we've read texts like Galatians 4.

When the right time came, God sent his son, born of a woman, subject to the law.

God sent him, Jesus, to buy freedom for us who were slaves to the law, so that he could adopt us as his very own children.

And because we're his children, God has sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out Abba, Father.

Now you are no longer a slave, but God's own child.

You're not a slave, you're a son, you're a daughter.

Romans 8, 14 to 17.

We've read this in the last few months.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves.

Instead, you receive God's Spirit when He adopted you as His own children.

Now we call Him Abba, Father, for His Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God's children.

And since we are his children, we are his heirs.

In fact, together with Christ, we are heirs of God's glory.

You are a daughter.

You are a son.

You're not a slave, you're not a servant, you're not a passive bystander in the kingdom of heaven.

God calls you his own, God calls you his children.

But are you aware that your heart beliefs and your understanding about your biological dad or adoptive dad or stepdad or absentee dad will greatly impact how you explore and embrace and ultimately live out your faith in connection to God, the Father?

And what if instead of looking at God through the lens of dad down here, we invited God to be our picture of perfect father, and that began to bring healing and restoration to our hearts and to the wounds and the lies that we've believed through our experiences and through our stories so far.

And I don't share this to discount what you've come through.

Some of you watching today experienced very real trauma and hurt and pain at the hands of a trusted father, at the hands of a trusted adult or stepdad.

And I I'm not sharing this today to diminish that pain.

I just I even just want to sit there in a moment and say, look, it's very real.

I see it.

But please don't project that image of dad onto Father God.

Maybe instead of looking at him through the lens of that hurt, we look to him as our perfect picture of Father and invite him to begin to mend and heal and restore.

I believe that the love of our God, his immense love, the love of Father God beckons us to step into the waters of relationship, to like be swept away in the current of his love.

Can you hear his voice like breaking through?

Can you hear the whisper of his voice in the room today saying, You're my son, you're my daughter.

Let me love you.

Even still, here today, God wants to do surgery on our hearts, each one of us, to paint new pictures and redeem and restore the picture of Father at work in our life today.

Turn our hearts towards dad and turn our father's father's hearts towards their children, bring healing.

Will you run to him?

Will you run to Father God today and allow him to heal that space in your story?

Running's intentional.

Running is hard work, running is active, running is fast, running is purpose-filled.

Will you run to the Father today and invite him to be perfect, Father?

Invite him to paint new pictures of dad in your life.

Allow his voice to whisper over your heart and bring healing.

Will you invite him in?

I've carried a burden for too long on my own.

I wasn't created to bear it alone.

I hear your invitation to let it all go.

I see it now.

I'm laying it down.

Father, I know that I need you.

I run to the Father.

My heart has been in your sights long before my first breath.

We sang this together today.

Running into your arms is running to life from death.

And I feel this rush deep in my chest.

Your mercy is calling me out.

And just as I am, you pulled me in, and I know I need you now.

And so I run to the Father.

I run to the Father.

Does your heart have a keepsake bin?

Does your heart have a keepsake bin?

And in order to move forward today, to move forward into life, move forward into healing, move forward into freedom in your relationship with the Father.

Do we need to open up that keepsake bin where we've maybe put away some hurts, put away some wounds, stuffed down some lies?

Do we need to take the lid off that bin today and say, in order to move, I need to purge this bin.

I need to invite the light and the love of Holy Spirit into this space and begin to look to God as perfect Father to bring healing to my heart.

I believe that God wants to do surgery on our hearts today, to turn the hearts of fathers to their children, the hearts of children back to their fathers, and that he beckons us still to step deeper into the waters of relationship with him.

Can we run to the Father?

Our hearts need a surgeon, our soul needs a friend.

Can you hear his voice today?

What's he whispering to your heart?

And if you can't hear it, I want to help you hear the voice of the Father today.

I want to invite you to trust the voice of the Father speaking clearly to Jesus and rest in the truth that that voice is also for you today.

As the Father made his heart clear through audible words to his son Jesus, that represents the heart of our perfect Father speaking to you today, speaking to my heart, speaking to your soul.

And so, what is the father saying to sons and daughters still today?

Well, Matthew 3, 17, Mark 1, verse 11, and Luke 3, 22.

Mark 1:11

These three verses, they all say the same thing.

Three different eyewitness accounts of the audible voice of the Father speaking over his son, speaking over his kids in this room today.

From the NLT, here's what it says.

And a great voice from heaven said, You are my dearly loved son, and you bring me great joy.

You are my dearly loved son, and you bring me great joy.

So my first thought for us today, I may have daddy issues, but I know that I know that I know that my father loves me dearly, and that I bring him great joy.

What if your heart sat confident?

I know I've got daddy issues, but I know that I know that I know that I know that my father loves me dearly and that I bring him great joy.

How would you live differently today if you sat confidently in this space of truly believing and trusting that God loves you dearly and that you bring him great joy?

The voice of Father speaking over your soul today is that you bring him great joy.

Is there a sadness attached to your heart when you think about Dad?

Is there a sadness that comes to the surface?

What if instead of looking at God through the lens of our experience with Dad on planet Earth, if we invited the picture of perfect father and the Voice of the Father to speak to our soul today and bring healing and freedom and life to the wounds and the hearts and the lies that we've believed about Dad for far, far too long.

Psalm 149 teaches us that the Lord delights in his people.

God delights in you.

Come on, kid.

Come on, son.

Come on, daughter.

You bring him great joy.

The Father delights in you today.

The voice of the Father speaking over your soul today is that you bring him great joy.

What else is the Father speaking to us?

What else can we listen to together today?

Same verses.

Matthew 3.17, Mark 1.11, and Luke 3.22.

This time from the NIV.

Different translation.

And a voice came from heaven.

You are my son, whom I love, with whom I am well pleased.

With whom I am well pleased.

Not only does the Father take delight in you, not only do you bring him great joy, but God is well pleased with you, kid.

Come on.

From the youngest in the room to the oldest today, what posture would your heart settle into if you truly believed that God is well pleased with you?

If you didn't have to perform anymore, if you didn't have to fight for his approval anymore.

If you didn't have to wrestle with the shame and disappointment that you felt.

What if you just rested in the confidence that your father is well pleased with you?

I may have daddy issues, but I know that I know that I know that I know that my father loves me dearly and that he's pleased with me.

God is pleased with you, son.

God's pleased with you, daughter.

The voice of Father God speaking over your soul today is that he is pleased with you.

Is your heart broken today?

Even just like sitting in this moment.

Is your heart broken when you think about a dad growing up who was never pleased with you?

Is there a piece of your story so far that has you stuck?

Has you stopped from moving forward?

You've stuffed it in that keepsake bin.

Stuck.

How can I experience real love if he's not pleased with me?

I'm stuck.

So what if instead of looking at God through the lens of our experience with dad on planet earth, biological stepdad, adoptive father, absentee father?

What if instead we invited the picture of Father that we find in him, in a good God who loves us dearly, and that began to heal the hurts?

Because the voice of the Father speaking to your soul today is that he's pleased with you.

He's pleased with you.

The original Greek word translated here, where all of these translations derive their meaning, but the original Greek eudokel means well pleased.

He's not just pleased, he's not kind of happy, he's not content.

God is well pleased with you today.

What confidence would that bolster in how you lived out life in your current season as a son or as a daughter, in your current season as a mom or as a dad or as a brother or a sister or as an employee or as a boss or as an uncle or an auntie or a neighbor?

What confidence would that pull out of your story today if you invited Holy Spirit to cause you to rest in confidence that you bring him delight, you bring him joy, and that he's well pleased with you?

Would that bring healing to the wound?

Would that practically begin to paint new pictures?

Would that draw you deeper into the waters of relationship with God the Father?

Because the voice of our Father God speaking over you and I in the room today, speaking over our souls, is that he is well pleased with you.

And lastly, Matthew 3.17, Mark 1.11, and Luke 3.22, same three verses.

This time through Eugene Peterson's translation in what's called the message translation, here's what it says: along with the spirit a voice.

You are my son, chosen, marked by my love, the pride of my life.

You are his son, you are his daughter, chosen and marked by his love.

The pride of his life.

And that I'm the pride of his life.

Do you think that God is proud of you?

Maybe you get up early in the morning, fight to get some quiet time, open up your Bible, God speak to me.

Maybe you go to God just in quiet prayer and reflection.

And something causes you to just feel arrested, to feel stuck and held back.

Do you think that God's proud of you?

As his beloved daughter, as his cherished son?

Do you think that God is proud of you?

Because he is.

You're the pride of his life.

Yeah, but I didn't earn that.

You didn't have to.

Big brother Jesus did the hard work, did the heavy lifting, paved the way.

The voice of the Father speaking over your heart, over your soul, over your past, over your present moment, the voice of the Father in this room today, he's proud of you.

He says, I'm proud of you.

You're the pride of my life.

And maybe your heart's broken today when you think about your dad.

Maybe experiencing real love in a dad who you know is proud of you hasn't been a part of your story.

Maybe your biological or adoptive or stepped or absentee father, maybe they never once looked you in the eye and whispered, daughter, son, I'm so proud of you.

But that doesn't mean that God's not whispering it today.

Can we allow the picture of God the Father to begin to touch our hearts and remind us of the worth and the value that we have in relationship with a God who loves us?

And what if maybe, just maybe, that healing began to cause us and cause our hearts to turn back towards Father, to bring forgiveness to that relationship.

Doesn't mean you have to trust right away if you've been hurt, but to bring forgiveness, to bring healing, to restore relationship.

Did you know that that's God's heart?

That at the end of an old agreement and at the start of a new agreement, the end and the start were one and the same.

That there's there's a coming message, Jesus, and there's gonna be a restoration of fathers and children and children and dads.

And that restoration is gonna be accomplished in full through the finished work of Jesus as He makes things right once and for all between us and Father God, the voice of our Father speaking over your soul today.

I'm so proud of you.

You're the pride of my life.

I believe that God wants to do surgery, a little heart surgery in us today.

My heart needs a surgeon.

My soul needs a friend.

And so I run to the Father.

I run to the Father today to turn back the hearts of fathers to their children and hearts of children back to their fathers.

And God is beckoning us to step deeper into the waters of relationship, into the flow of love and grace and mercy and freedom and hope and fulfillment.

Can you hear his voice whispering in the room today?

He loves me.

I bring him joy.

He's pleased with me.

I'm marked by his love.

I'm the pride of his life.

Thank you, Father, that you love me, that I bring you joy, that you're pleased with me, that I'm marked by your love, and I'm the pride of your life.

I am.

You are.

We are.

Sons and daughters.

We are deeply loved.

We bring him joy.

He is pleased with us.

We are marked by his love.

We are the pride of his life.

I want to invite you today to make this your meditation.

Make this your quiet time this week.

Would you start your day with this simple prayer?

Thank you, Father, that you love me dearly, that I bring you joy, that you're pleased with me, that I'm marked by your love, and that I'm the pride of your life.

What if you believed this?

How would it impact how you lived?

How would it impact how you related to your family of origin?

How would it make room for the Holy Spirit to begin to unpack those rubber-made bins of your story, to bring healing, to bring purging, to bring cleansing, to restore, to allow you to continue to move forward in faith, move forward in relationship with family on this earth, certainly, and with God the Father?

We run to you, Father.

Our hearts need a surgeon.

Our souls need a friend.

And so we run to the Father again and again.

We run to you because you are this picture of perfect dad.

Would you whisper over us today?

Would you whisper that we're dearly loved, that we bring you joy?

Would you whisper over our hearts today that you're pleased with us, that we're marked by your love, and that we're the pride of your life.

We invite you into this space in our hearts today.

Heal us from daddy issues, we ask in Jesus' name.

In Jesus' name.

Listen, if you're watching today and you've never made a decision to step into relationship with the Father through the finished work of Jesus, that's for you today.

The Bible actually refers to this as a gift.

And the beautiful thing about a gift is you don't have to earn it, it's freely given.

You just have to open it and choose it.

And so for some of you watching today, it means you're choosing in faith to step into the waters of relationship with a loving and perfect father.

And maybe that's connected to your story.

Maybe it's just out of a desire for God to bring healing to your heart.

Maybe you would love to live your life today, knowing that when it comes to Father God, that his love for you is vast, that you are dearly loved, that you bring him joy, that you're the pride of his life, that you're marked by his love, that he's pleased with you.

Maybe just something in you today is like, this is how I want to play out my life moving forward.

There is a freedom and a healing and a grace, there is a purpose, there is a mission attached to allowing the Father to reshape your story, to rewrite new chapters of your story, to bring healing to the chapters of your past, and to bring other people into life and freedom connected to Jesus.

If that's you today and you're choosing faith in Father God for the first time, we want to pray a simple prayer with you as we close today.

And this prayer is a prayer of faith, a prayer of victory, a prayer of life.

It's not a magic formula.

The Bible simply says if you believe in this and speak it with your mouth, that God goes into action and does something new in your story beginning today, beginning today.

And so would you pray with me, with everybody watching in this online experience, just repeat after me, say, Dear Father, thank you that you love me as your child.

Thank you that Jesus paid for this in full for every part.

And so today I choose in faith to step into your love, to step into relationship with you, God, as Father.

You've restored me, you've healed me, you're helping me rewrite my story today.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

If you need anything this week connected to this message, if something about just sharing these thoughts was hard for you or triggering for you, please know that you don't have to go through that alone.

We won't always have all the right answers for you, but we we do know that we desire to walk with you, in relationship with you, and to sit with you.

If you need a safe place to process or ask questions about inviting Jesus into these spaces of healing in our hearts, reach out this week.

Connect with a small group, be in relationship with some other incredible people here at Evolve.

You don't have to do this alone.

And if you prayed that prayer for the first time, we want to invite you to just take one more step of faith today.

Would you fill in this connect card?

If you're watching Church Online, just click that raise hand prompt, or you can send us an email to info at evolvechurch.com or fill in our digital connect card today.

Let us know that you made a decision to commit your life to Jesus.

Because we'd love to walk through this with you.

We love you, church family.

Thanks so much for being a part of today.

Thank you so much for listening to today's message.

If you're ever in the Edmonton area, apply for a visit.

And if you need any more information, visit EvolveChurch.com.

We hope to see you soon.