Psalm 69

Good morning Frontier Church. I personal experience, I think

is shared. I think that the Midwest we

experience a fairly noticeable and common thing.

I think, in fact, that it seems so normalized that it has become

a stereotype in this area. I'm not talking about that

Midwest kindness or that it's not the heat that'll get you.

It's the neither of those, none of those jokes, none of the none

of that Midwest kindness. What I'm really talking about is

some sort of kind of like bastardized or shunted stoicism

where we will often go out of our way to quote, maintain the

peace, bottling up problems, thoughts, issues, fears and

concerns and often letting them consume us.

I know it seems crazy because I'm like unequivocally the most

profound over share in this room.

I cook all of you any day of the week on my worst day, Hall of

Fame over sharer. And most of you, as you know,

have borne the brunt of that. So I'm sorry, but I hope you can

believe me when I say that this was not always how I was.

And let me show you what I mean. When I was a young teen, I was

in the midst of crisis. Things were changing in me and

and most noticeably, something, something bad was happening.

Something was wrong. I certainly acted out in like

small or weird ways, but I was never really explosive until the

winter of 22,000 and four. It was February when when it

kind of all came to head my 8th grade year.

It is like when it became really dire.

I escaped to a video game. And when I say I escaped, I'm

not talking like, you know, if you're a kid and your mom says

you play too many video games in a day, it's like 2 hours.

And that is a lot. But for me, I was like, skipping

school and playing the game for like 16 hours a day, sometimes

more. Sometimes I wouldn't sleep.

I retreated from social interactions, like sports.

I started having panic attacks in public unprovoked, even

collapsing and hyperventilating during basketball tryouts.

Everyone around me knew something was wrong.

I was going to doctors for it, but no one and and especially me

at the time could put a word to it.

And this all came to head unfortunately in a series of

suicide attempts where my mother finally caught me and I was

shortly thereafter admitted to a psych ward.

I was hospitalized and looking back on it now, the reason I say

this is because with many years of experience in coping and

becoming better at dealing with my problems, I want to be

critical of my younger self. I don't, I don't.

I don't want to be unfair, I don't want to bully that kid,

but I want to be a little more honest.

In retrospect. I knew what was wrong.

I did. I understood it not perfectly

like I do now. Not professional or clinical or

in that precise wording that I use where I over share to

explain things. But even still back then I had

enough to say about what was going on inside and around me

outside and how I was experiencing it.

The deeper issue had nothing to do with a lack of ability to

communicate. But as I look back more I see

that I had a fear of rejection from the choice few people who

are around me. My mom, my dad, a few of my

friends and family. A part of me came to despise

them because I blame them for my inability to communicate.

But really church, I was just scared of what they would think.

I don't say this to alarm anyone and I want you all to know that

I guys, I'm OK. I'm super well loved.

Friends from other churches have come out to even support me

today. I'm well loved by you here and

by my friends and by my family. But a part of me has recently

felt that same fear of communication.

Work has been eating me alive, and so instead of trying to put

words to real concerns, it becomes easy to just say, look

at my work. Don't you see why I'm tired or

exhausted? However, church family, this is

not the way. I think that the problem with

Midwest Nice is sometimes to preserve an image or the peace

we neglect or short communicate what is really going on.

So today with the last Psalm of this miniseries, I want to look

at a true emotional vulnerability.

I want to invite you to consider a psalmist words and shape of

their thought as a template for difficulties, whether self

caused or by an outsider. More importantly, I want to

invite you church, into the freedom of emotional and

complete vulnerability with God your Father.

I want to help you see the safety you have in Him despite

bad words, misplaced frustrations, anger or vile

thoughts that we can all experience.

I want you all and myself, church, as much for you as it is

for me today to know that whatever the circumstance,

whatever our darkest thoughts, God has not rejected you and He

is listening. And now, in order to do this, I

actually have to ask you guys a favor.

You see, the Psalm I will be covering is likely and

exceedingly familiar Psalm with most of you in this room.

It is quoted in the New Testament 17 times and has

prophetic and theological foresight into the life of

Jesus. But before I read it, I want to

make a contract with you. I don't want to neglect that

part of the Psalm, but first I want to invite you all to

examine the Psalm. It's words, emotions, and

structure as the please of a man who is deeply emotionally

exhausted. And I want you to hold that in

tandem with the knowledge that God did not forsake David the

author. In fact, through his lineage,

the world Savior came as we know.

So even when David's language seems so emotionally charged and

even violent towards God, God did not look away.

Today we're going to be looking at Psalm 69, Frontier.

But before I read it, I want to give you an overview and some

quick context. There is a divide in thinking

about when the Psalm is penned or written.

And for my purposes here, I kind of actually like that.

I'm, I have an opinion. I'm just going to state where

the scholarly, scholarly theologians throughout history

have kind of landed. I'm not going to give you a

concise answer. I want you to wrestle with it

could be either. And the truth is, what I have to

say will kind of tell you that it doesn't matter even if we

have the answer, that the the response wouldn't wouldn't

change. Some scholars think the Psalm

was penned during Absalom's rebellion.

Many of you will remember when David's own son attempted to

usurp David and rule the Kingdom.

The other side of the divide is that David may have penned it

during his sinful time with or shortly after the events with

Bathsheba where he ultimately had one of his friends and

commanders killed so that he could be with her.

To be honest, I like that that the the scholarly community is

split on this throughout time because on one side it is David

being afflicted by the outside that is an experience we all

know, while on the other side it is David dealing with the

ramifications of his own sin. And either way, like I said, I I

want to show you, no matter how which historical context you

read it in, what I have to say does not change.

The song can be separated neatly church into two different and

equal parts. The first part will be verses

one through 18, and the latter part would then obviously be

verses 19 through 36. The first part we will call the

plea for aid and then the second that latter half will call

imprecations. Can you say imprecations?

Do any of you know what that means?

I, to be honest, didn't at at at the time.

It means spoken curses. Yeah, violence.

Literally cursing somebody to like doom to death.

So again, call for aid. I'm going to ask God to kill

people for me. The latter half does conclude,

however, with an exaltation to God.

So David will actually pivot at the very end from those

imprecations to to worshipping God.

And now with a little bit of context, if you would please

stand, whether in body or spirit, for the reading of God's

Word, we'll be reading Psalm 69 in its entirety together.

It's a long 136 verses. Bear with me.

To the choirmaster, according to lilies of David, Save me, O God,

for the waters have come up to my neck.

I sink in deep mire where there is no foothold.

I have come into deep waters and the flood sweeps over me.

I am weary with my crying out. My throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim with waiting for my God.

More in number than the hairs of my head are those who hate me

without cause. Mighty are those who would

destroy me, those who attack me with lies.

What I did not steal must I restore.

Oh God, you know my folly. The wrongs I have done are not

hidden from you. Let not those who hope and you

be put to shame through me, Oh Lord God of hosts, but not those

who seek you to be brought dishonor through me, O God of

Israel, For it is for your sake that I have borne reproach.

That dishonor has covered my face.

I have become a stranger to my brothers and alien to my

mother's sons. For zeal for your house has

consumed me, and the reproaches of those who approach you have

fallen on me. When I wept and humbled my soul

with fasting, it became my reproach.

When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword to

them. I am the talk of those who sit

in the gate, and the drunkards make songs about me.

But As for me, my prayers to You, O Lord, at an acceptable

time, O God, and the abundance of Your steadfast love, answer

me in Your saving faithfulness. Deliver me from sinking in the

mire. Let me be delivered from my

enemies and from the deep waters.

Let not the flood sweep over me, or the deep swallow me up, or

the pit close its mouth over me. Answer me, O Lord, for Your

steadfast love is good according to Your abundant mercy.

Turn to me. Hide not your face from Your

servant, for I am in distress. Make haste to answer me.

Draw near to my soul. Redeem me, ransom me.

Because of my enemies, You know my reproach and my shame and my

dishonor. My foes are all known to you.

Reproaches have broken my heart so that I'm in despair.

I looked for pity, but there was none.

And for comforters, but I found none.

They gave me poison for food and for my thirst.

They gave me sour wine to drink. Let their own table before them

become a snare, and when they are at peace, let it become a

trap. Let their eyes be darkened so

that they cannot see, and make their loins tremble.

Continually pour out your indignation upon them, and let

your burning anger overtake them.

May there camp be a desolation? Let no one dwell in their tents,

for they persecute him who you have struck down, and they

recount the pain of those you have wounded.

Add to them punishment upon punishment.

May they have no acquittal from you.

Let them be blotted out of the book of the living.

Let them not be enrolled among the righteous.

But I am afflicted and in pain. Let your salvation, O God, set

me on high. I will praise the name of God

with a song. I will magnify him with

Thanksgiving. This will please the Lord more

than an ox or a bull with horns and hooves.

When the humble see it, they will be glad.

You who seek God, let your hearts revive.

For the Lord hears the needy, and does not, despite it,

despise His own people who are prisoners.

Let heaven and earth praise Him the season everything that moves

in them. For God will save Zion and build

up the cities of Judah, and people shall dwell there and

possess it. The offspring of His servants

shall inherit it, and those who love His name shall dwell in it.

Church, His word is good. You may be seated like I alluded

to. I am not going to break down

each individual verse word by word, but we will be covering

the flows and thoughts. And I really want to ask you

guys kind of like that contract we made in the beginning to be

sensitive with how David speaks to God.

Right in the beginning. David does not mince words.

Save me. Oh God.

There's nothing more straightforward than just crying

out for help. Why does he need saving?

Well, depending on the context, there's a few answers, but David

actually describes it more. He says that he's in deep water,

and it actually gets worse than that.

Not only is the water up to his neck, but he's sinking in a deep

mire. Church in a deep mire is like a

bog. It's not just water, it's mud.

It's the thing you can't move in.

You don't have the mobility. You can't even like, grab at a

limb or a branch to pull yourself out.

It is pulling you in. You're not just drowning.

You're being consumed. He can't move his feet.

He is trapped and he is growing tired.

He says his vision is blurring. His voice is broken.

And then what? What is that final clause for?

Why his eyes grow dim with waiting for my God?

Let's stop right there to me in my prayer life.

If I'm being honest with you, Church, that sounds

transgressive. What do you mean that you're

tired of waiting for God? David, God is God and you are

man regardless of circumstance. God is gracious and perfect and

it is your duty to wait and receive what God gives.

You can't express exhaustion in God for waiting.

Straighten up man, is what a part of me wants to scream when

I read this. Why is David talking to God like

this? So let's keep going.

And the next segment, David's going to lay out that those

against him are in numerous and they build a narrative of lies

and hatred without cause, so much so that even like drunkards

are writing song about David's reproaches.

So like even like the lowest of the low, just like Tavern

dwellers are are singing about David's fallen.

And what does David ask? God, what I did not steal?

Must I now restore the entitlement, the indignation,

like asking a parent when they ask you to do a chore or to do

something? I didn't even make that mess.

Why are you having me clean it up?

Dad? This is another instance for me

where a part of my Midwest brain sees David as the transgressor

against God. And I hope you do too if you

read it in a certain tone. Imagine you were pleading with

God. You just got telling, got done

telling him you are tired of waiting for him.

And now you move on to acknowledge the actual situation

and immediately ask God. OK, so all this that I didn't

do, am I the one who is supposed to fix it doesn't sound so good.

That makes my that makes me nervous if I think about talking

to God. But let's move along once you've

got another instance here in verse 7 and 8 where I'll find

another instance. Depending on how you emphasize

the words or play with them, or even without emphasis, you can

certainly hear now for sure a child blaming a parent for it is

for your sake. I have borne reproach, God, it's

because of you that this is happening, Dad.

It's because of your, your existence that I'm getting

yelled at, Dad. You're mad at me because of who

you are. There's a few ways to read that

truthfully, I don't know and and some of the scholars actually do

interpret it differently. But in my first read of it, it

certainly makes me itchy as a as a reader, as somebody who prays

and talks to God, that there are multiple ways to read that that

would sound indignant. David is saying, God, it is in

the interest of you that I have borne reproach.

It is because of you that this is happening.

Because of you that my family no longer recognizes me.

My mother's sons, my brothers no longer know my name.

David, brother, we need to get back on track.

We are in the weeds and it is not a good look to blame and

point the finger at God, man. Not at least here in the

Midwest. No, no, no.

And thankfully church for my social peace minded self.

David does get back on track. You heard it.

He returns in this segment to worshiping God.

Your steadfast love is good. That's what we sing about.

That's what we're shouting at church.

That makes sense. Bam, right back in tow.

Good job David, hide not your face from me.

You're so back on track. We're worshipping God.

Wait, wait, wait. What's going on here in the

second section? I read it, you heard it, you've

probably read it as well. Look what David calls for with

regard is regarding his enemies. I said this is the imprecations

part and it makes me very uncomfortable.

Verses 22 to 28, the segment I referenced earlier as

imprecations, David just unleashes A plea with God for

the entire annihilation of those who persecute and reproach him.

Those who deny Him and who hate Him, he says, trap them in their

peace, blind them as David is feeling blinded, his vision

dulling, blind them. Pour out your anger on them as

they poured out their anger on me.

Destroy their abode so it is a barren and desolate place.

And this isn't even enough for David.

That's that's like a that's like abominable in this church to to

like ask for that on somebody. But for David, he actually

doesn't stop with that. He says he punishment after

punishment on them, give them no acquittal and wipe their name

from the book of life entirely. And then to make matters worse,

church right after he just like lays out these requests of doom

and destruction against his adversaries.

He gives us from a literary and a poetic sense, what I can only

describe as one of the biggest whiplashes that I have ever read

in any genre. The pivots from verses 28 to 29

to 30 is a wild emotional riot. And if you have your Bible in

front of you, just read them really quick.

If you don't remember, I'm going to summarize it for you. 3

verses, 51 words. Here we go.

Kill them. Save me.

You are worthy of praise. That is just.

That is so big and it seems so dark and sure, he pivots to what

I'm comfortable with. You know, in my own personal

worship that you are worthy of praise part, maybe a little bit

of the save me. I'm a bit of a masochist, so

sometimes I don't even like asking for help.

But definitely the the first part, the kill them.

That kind of book ends those imprecations where he starts

kill them. Save me.

You are worthy of praise in 51 words.

David cruises through those three things and ends the Psalm

where we are most comfortable, as I said, worshipping God.

However, to get that comfortable familiarity, we have to

reconcile the fact that David has told God he is tired of

waiting for him and even maybe has blamed him.

He then pivots to asking God for his enemies to just be

obliterated and then jukes back to worshipping God.

It's hard for me, and I wonder if it's hard for you guys to

reconcile all these thoughts and emotions as they are portrayed

in the Psalm, as they are for me, especially when I operate or

exist in that fear that governed me when I was younger.

Maybe that is a shared fear, the fear of rejection, that fear

that lurks behind the stereotype of the Midwest.

Nice. Not that we don't know what to

say when things are hard or emotions are high, but that we

fear we are going to be rejected, that those who love us

will turn their faces from us. I have a suspicion that many of

you carry that weight, carry that fear into your prayer life.

But real quick, church, just take a pause.

Before I get into that, I want to make a distinction.

I'm not saying all prayer or corporate prayer should model

something like what we find here that could be read as

antagonistic, especially in the beginning, towards God.

What I'm talking about is your personal prayer, that quiet

place. Many of you, and definitely

myself, approach God with such a fear of rejection that when

things are difficult or we are mad with Him, we default back to

the safety of universal truths and recognitions and prayers.

We plea on the behalf of others, but never plea or argue or be

honest about ourselves with God because we are afraid.

If David's striking words in the Psalm are contained in the

Bible, the very word of God itself, then we actually have to

evaluate our trepidation at the language in question.

Why am I afraid to approach God like this?

It's not the other way around. So real quick, let's take

another look and I'm not going to turn to it, but just give you

a quick narrative of another place in the Bible and I can't

even read it all to you because it's literally 12 chapters what

I'll be referencing. But if you just remember with me

the the story of Job and I know I'm clicking so I'm sorry, the

end of Job 12 chapters, chapter 29 or 30.

It starts with Job, with Ali, who there, who's like Job's like

one actual like resolute good homie who honors God and doesn't

just leave Job the wrong way. Job airs his frustrations with

God at his situation and he does not mince words.

Job says to God and Alihu, look at my life.

I was wise, I was fair and just. I was charitable to those in

need. I did not turn away the

stranger. I blessed those around me and

gave sacrifices to God and now everything is gone.

I'm disdained and mocked. I have nothing.

Look at my life, there are no transgressions.

I am above reproof. What charge is against me?

You can hear Job screaming before Ali.

Who And God, You can see him desperately trying to make sense

of the calamity that befell him as a good man.

And a part of me wants to ambitiously like correct Job or

myself. When I adorn my personal prayers

with language like that, where I'm challenging God or I'm

frustrated, I would say that impish part of me would say what

charges against me? That's hilarious.

I am a fallen man, so it's like every charge, duh.

Why even say that? How can I tell God that I am

above reproof or ask him where the punishment comes from?

However, in the story Job does exactly that.

He he tries to say he's a good man and even God earlier says

he's a good man to to Satan. God doesn't destroy Job for the

outburst for being incorrect. Through those 12 chapters, after

Job lays out his case and says, where have I gone wrong to

deserve this? Job isn't destroyed.

Ali who rebukes him, he does. And God reminds Job of his

place, saying that God is God and the place of man is as man.

But at the end of the story, if you'll remember, God restores

Job. He doesn't condemn Job for this

frustration that Job experiences with God.

In fact, he he, he restores him. And what I want you to see

church is in that both of these narratives there is a striking

similarity. Man in conversation with God,

lashing out with God, lashing out against others, and openly

airing perceived grievances with God about circumstances of life.

In both of these narratives, God does not reject his child.

I think many of us would shrink at the thought of employing

language like that in our personal prayer lives.

Maybe some of you are awesome at this.

I'm I'm not, I'm I'm not. And it's been really difficult

recently. But in both of those instances,

God does not turn his face away from his child.

In the case of David, as promised, God built his eternal

Kingdom from the line of David to Job.

God restores his land, his livestock, more abundantly than

he had before. He blesses him with 10 more

children, seven sons, three daughters.

And all of this to say, God will not reject you if your prayers

in the quiet place with Him traverse accusations,

frustrations, disgust, or even petulant childlike finger

pointing church. God will not turn his face away

from you. But Casey, how can you know I

have some awful things stored up?

I'm angry at God. I can't tell him or anyone else

I know I have it mixed up, but I can't reconcile how I feel with

what I know. So I guess I'll just reject what

I feel and stick to what I know and just ignore it.

I got at church. Maybe some of you are there.

I'm feeling the same way right now.

So if you would whiplash with me back to what I said about

neglecting the familiar of Psalm 69.

Let's just UN neglect it right now.

Let's hit it with the lamp light.

Many of you will know that this Psalm is often seen as a

prophetic text for the life of Jesus.

Hidden in plain sight of the Psalm, you have sour wine,

poison or gall being fed to David, his enemies numerous and

mocking him, false accusations. It is very simple for a reader

who knows their Bible to overlay David's pleas with Jesus Christ

life. The only difference is that

David was far from perfect, far, far from perfect.

David was not forever above reproach.

David did not lead this perfect life despite David having to ask

God, do not turn your face from me.

God never did. In fact, the interesting thing

about that and this is that God only turned his face once from a

beloved child and in one of the most literary, like perfect

literary, most beautiful things in written and experience

history, just a a truly cosmic moment of subversion.

God only has turned his face away from one person and it was

never an unperfect person in this subversion of expectations.

While God did not turn his face from David or Job, despite their

outlashes and misunderstandings, God did turn His face in one

moment from the only One who was above all of that, the One who

this Psalm foreshadows Jesus in that moment of cosmic justice

and ultimate satisfaction in the destruction of sin that Jesus

Christ took on the Father in heaven who crushed his only

begotten Son, turned his face and crushed him.

He crushed him and turned his face so that you, now, beloved,

would not have to fear the face of God averted from your needy

frame. Because of Jesus, you are

completely in shelled in the safety and love of God.

God will not turn His face away from you, regardless of how

frustrated you become with him, how arrogant you can be, or how

quick you are to blame him and others, He will not look away.

That doesn't give you a free pass to just be terrible and

word and deed. Just like Joe, if you say awful

things to God, you should acknowledge and repent like Job

does. At the end, however, you can

live in the freedom of true and open dialogue with God.

You can trust that despite your deepest darkest fears, sins,

regrets, hatreds, all of that, when coming before God, He will

not reject you because of Jesus Christ.

Work on the cross. You do not have to live on some

quasi or budget Midwest stoicism where you are afraid to be

honest with God because you are a turd and like no, you're

wrong. So whatever.

No church, God has not turned his face.

He will hear your cries, you will receive your angers and

your frustrations, your horrible words.

I told myself I couldn't tell my parents or my friends all the

way back in 2004 what was wrong. That isn't true.

My words may have been limited, not so precise and numerous as

now, but I could have said something.

It's like, it's not like I didn't know how to talk.

It's not like I couldn't understand.

I couldn't think, but it's scary to say things to your parents or

to your friends. I want Jeremy and Nick and Eric

and Ian and the rest of my bullies to die.

I hate how everyone talks behind everyone's backs.

I hate to feel like I'm, to feel like I matter in this world.

I have to be good at a sport or be the best in class when I'm

barely average at both. And that means that I, I, I'm

worth nothing. I guess I don't matter because

I'm not good at them. Mom and Dad, I hate you both for

fighting. Please stop.

There's so much inside of me going on that feels like a dark

mess of disorganized hatreds. Mom, Dad, I hate myself.

I want to die. What if they reject me?

What if I say that to them and they reject me?

Beloved people may reject you just like David.

Your family may reject you for some of those dark things.

Your friends may turn away from you.

I don't know. It happens to David.

However, what I do know is that because of Jesus, God will not

reject you for those dark things.

He will not. The only non dark thing to walk

the planet took on all of darkness and was crushed so that

you may speak to God, yes in fear and trembling, but with

great trust that He will not turn his face away from you.

So Church, my plea with you and even with myself as I wrestle

with this for the last few months is don't hamstring your

prayer life, especially in difficult times because you are

afraid to be honest and vulnerable with God just like

David is. I want to share another story

with you from when I was even younger.

It's when I was in first grade, I started karate.

My first grade teacher actually lived a few houses down and she

had a son who is my age. Obviously, we were in different

classes because she was my teacher.

You can't be in your mom's class at that time at least.

Anyway, he came over, we were goofing around in the yard while

my dad was doing yard work, and I wanted to show my friend all

the sick karate moves that I learned.

Remember, I've been doing karate for like one session.

This was like 3 days after session 1.

I don't even think I had a key at that point if I remember

correctly. So we're out in the yard, I'm

showing my buddy all the sickest karate moves you can think of,

and I have my dad come over. I call for him because I wanted

to demonstrate for my friend the Super 6 stuff that I was taught,

obviously. So my dad obliged and got down

on his knees and I began to just like wail on him with abandoned

and we're talking overhead chops, you know, the most

effective attack in like human history.

The auto killer, the thing that David needed when he was praying

for the destruction of his friends, that kind of thing.

Spamming him, Bam bam. He had his arm up just chopping

the mess out of him. It's incredibly powerful stuff.

I'm surprised I didn't kill him. But as you all know how I am, I

kind of, because I wasn't killing him, picked up in

intensity. So he employed another overhead

block. So it was like 2 arms and just

allowed for me to just spam these chops, hundreds of chops.

You couldn't even see my hands moving, they were moving so

fast. It was dangerous.

We were worried for my friend Michael.

He was too close. But my dad was just smiling and

encouraging me, telling me I was doing a good job, which as you

know, for a lot of kids, propels them to like become more

violent. I became upset.

I became distressed because I wasn't killing my father.

So finally I tried to switch it up from the certified lethal

overhead chop to a jab in the face.

I tried to hit my dad in the face.

Mind you, I'm just like 7. I'm like a true child.

He's down on his knees chopping at him and I'm in my brain.

I'm like, we'll switch it up. I'll punch him in the face but

my dad being an adult who's been in fights and me being 7 and

while using the most, you know, lethal known attack on the

planet didn't kill him. I tried to switch it up.

He snatches my wrist before I can connect with his face, which

is good because I would have bought them good.

But like a kid who is angry when they are grabbed, I wrenched

free and my dad didn't want me to hurt myself with the force of

his grip, so he casually let go and I punched the mess out of

myself. Bad.

Big bloody nose, both, both nostrils, blood everywhere, face

shirt covered in blood bad. I was mortified.

I immediately started crying as kids are want to do, and I ran

off to my room in the house. I'd completely forgotten about

Michael in the yard who was there watching me try to kill my

father and I was just like screaming and wailing in my

room. And the truth is it actually

didn't really hurt. I was more scared because there

was blood everywhere. And I was, to be honest, ashamed

because once I got up to my room, I realized, Oh no, Michael

saw me just be a freak. So I'm just crying in my room

and my father appears with seems like in seconds.

I didn't hear him come in. He just like appears.

He wrapped me up in a tight hug just so hard.

It didn't hurt, but he just squeezed me.

And my kids do when they're upset and they're misplacing

their frustration. You can imagine what I did.

I bit at him. I head butted him.

I kicked at him. The only thing I couldn't do was

overhead chops because he had my arms pinned to my side.

But I attacked him finally as I was starting to exhaust myself

and I'm still bleeding by the way all over him.

I screamed out as a 7 year old that I hated him and as I cried

I remember him saying I am so sorry Casey I'm not mad at you.

I love you and it took me forever to calm down.

But I remember that because what stuck with me was the silent and

firm love that my father showed me.

I will never forget that Christ died.

Church, so that when you are hurting, God can scoop you up in

firm love while you are gnashing at him, kicking, screaming, even

saying things like I hate you or this is your fault and he will

reply, I am not mad at you. I love you my son.

I love you my daughter. Church, let us pray.

Heavenly Father, if I had one prayer the past few months is

that we would not be afraid to approach you.

Yes, with fear and trembling, but knowing and with trust that

because of Christ's work that you will not turn your face from

us, just like you didn't turn your face from Job or from

David. You will see us.

You'll receive our anger, our frustrations, our misplaced

frustrations, our Miss Blamings of you, and you will tell us

that you love us because your son died on that cross.

You will bless us abundantly despite our many misgivings and

frustrations, despite our many outlaw outlashes and and bad

words towards you in prayer. What I ask that when that does

occur, that we would repent and quickly, but that we would not

be afraid to be honest with what's going on inside of us in

our prayer lives, Lord, because you're the only one who can help

us. And if we're not honest with

you, what are we even doing? We're going to pray for this

church. That we would have rich prayer

lives where despite any age or time or disposition or portion

of life, that we trust that we can come to you and that you

will not turn your face from us. Say, I love you, my son.

I love you my daughter. Amen.

Yeah.