Masculinity that Wins the Next Generation (Titus 2:6-8)

It's good to see you. If we haven't met, my name is

Cole. I'm the lead pastor here.

I've only got 25 minutes to preach, so I'm going to, I'm

going to jump. If you know me, you know there's

a challenge for me, so I'm going to, I'm going to jump right into

it. If you've got a Bible, go ahead

and get that open to the book of Titus that's in the New

Testament. We're going to be in just a

couple verses in chapter 2. There should be an index on the

inside of your Bible. If you don't have one, that's

OK. We'll have all the relevant

Scripture verses on the screen for you so that you don't miss

them. We are on like week 7, maybe

week 8 in the book of Titus. And this morning is going to be

a doozy. I want to talk about, I don't

know how much I'm be able to hit, but I want to talk about

neurology. I want to talk about data.

I want to talk about statistics, and I also want to talk about

the two indomitable desires that are planted in every male heart.

They are in every male heart. You can ignore them, You can

bury them, but these two desires are planted within every male

heart. I'll give you the first one at

the beginning of the sermon. I'll hide the second one until

the end of the sermon. I was I was at Mars Cafe earlier

this week on Wednesday getting ready to prep my sermon.

I pulled into the parking lot ready to drink my cold brew.

As I pulled into the parking lot, I, I put my car in in, in

break. I, I responded to a couple text

messages on my phone and, and then suddenly as I was

responding to a text message, I hear on my car door.

It was like a horror movie. I like, I look like I look right

next to me and there's this kids face.

He's probably like a 10 year old.

He's got these big doughy eyes. His face is pressed up against

my window like this. So there's a, there's a knock.

I look and this kids face is pressed up against my window.

So I roll down my window and say, hey, what's up?

Because how do you start that conversation?

And he says, is there anything that I can do to earn 5 or 10

bucks? And I say why?

And he's like, my mom's birthday is coming up and I want to buy

her something nice. And I was like, I would be a

terrible human being if I said no.

I was like, here's the deal, bro.

I don't have any cash on me right now.

I'm going to this coffee shop. Are you comfortable following me

into this coffee shop? It's a public space.

I'll give you the cash there. He's like, yeah, totally.

I'm like, all right, let's do it, bro.

And so he follows me into the coffee shop.

I'm like, hey, grab yourself a Coke or whatever you want.

He grabs himself a bottle of Coke, and I'm like, hey, Malik,

can you put ten extra bucks on this and just give me, you know,

$10 in cash? He's like, yeah, so here's that.

I was like, ah, bro, I would give you 10 bucks if in 10

minutes you can tell me what the meaning of life is at that table

over there. He's like, all right, let's do

it. It's like, the most cool thing

ever. And so he comes in and he sits

down and I'm like, all right, dude, like what's your pitch,

man? What's the meet coach me?

What's the meaning of life? And his answer was it was great.

He was like, I think the meaning of life is to be successful.

I'm like, tell me more about that.

He's like, I think that you should become really good at

something in life so that you can love your family and you can

pay all of your bills. It was a fantastic answer.

And so we just kind of kept on talking and I was like, OK,

ma'am, outside of pursuing the meaning of life, what do you do

for fun? And he's like, I like making

money. I was like, I was like, you've

made that abundantly clear this morning.

I was like, OK, apart from making money, dude, what do you

like to do? And he's like, I like

basketball. I was like, are you any good at

it? He's like, yes, I'm great at it.

I'm really, I don't know how to dribble and I don't know how to

shoot. But I was like, I'm not a

basketball player. I don't know if you can tell by

my height, not a basketball player that's like 99% of

basketball. He's like, I don't know how to

dribble, I don't know how to shoot, but I'm really good.

Apart from those two things. I was like, I, I bet, I bet.

And so we, we kept on talking and we talked, I talked about

God and do you believe in God? And it was just a really fun 10

minute conversation and I gave him a high 5 and 10 bucks and he

went on his way. But the reason why I bring that

that story up to you is because that was the best part of my

day. I have a dream job, I have a

dream family. I love preparing sermons.

I love counseling you guys. I love making strategy,

strategic decisions for the local church, right?

It was a great day. I went home afterwards and ate a

great dinner with my family, but preparing the sermon, doing the

rest of my work that day, the dinner I had, the baseball game

that the Seattle Mariners won that night, none of those things

were as fun or as rewarding or as meaningful to me as those 10

minutes I had with that kid in the coffee shop.

That is what that is. One of the two indominal desires

that are planted in every male heart, In every male heart, is

this desire, this muscle to be a father figure.

Important statement, then, important qualification.

Here's the important statement. If you do not grow into the role

of spiritual father or father figure, if you do not exercise

that muscle as a man, there will always, always, always be a hole

in your life. Neurologically, there will also

be a hole in your brain. I'll talk more about that later.

You were made to be a spiritual father.

Important qualification. You do not need to be a

biological father to be a spiritual father.

In fact, some of the most important father figures in

human history were not biological fathers.

The apostle Paul, he wrote Titus not a biological father.

He's going to exhort Titus to be a spiritual father.

Titus is not a biological father.

Jesus not a biological father. And yet all of these men were

extraordinary spiritual fathers to many.

You don't need to be a biological father to be a

spiritual father. And also you can be a biological

father and fail at your role of being a spiritual father.

And Paul knows that. And that's why Paul says to

Titus, kind of the resident church planter, pastor in the

island of Crete, He says, hey, be a spiritual father and invest

in the next generation. That's what he says.

He doesn't phrase it exactly like that.

Why don't you stand for the reading of the Word of God, and

we'll hear Paul's real words. Paul singling out all of these,

these people groups. He's spoken to older men, he's

spoken to older women investing in younger women.

And this morning he's going to focus on the younger men in the

church. And so ladies, last week I

preached a long sermon about older women investing in younger

women. If you missed that, go back and

listen to that. I think it will bless you.

So I am going to focus specifically on what this text

is, which is Paul exhorting Titus to be a spiritual father

to the next generation of young men.

Ladies, that doesn't mean that there's nothing in this sermon

for you. What you need to do is you need

to practice what's called creative listening, creative

lives. Holy Spirit, what do you want me

to learn from this? OK, I, I'm not a spiritual

father. I'm not a spiritual son.

What, what about this is applicable to my life?

You get it, Creative listening. But here's the text.

He says likewise so that the same way that older women should

invest in younger women is the likewise likewise urge.

This is urgent urge the younger men to be self controlled.

And then he says be a role model.

That's what this is about. He says, show yourself in all

respects to be a model of good works.

And in your teaching, show integrity, dignity and sound

speech that cannot be condemned so that an opponent may be put

to shame, having nothing evil to say about us.

Invest in the next generation and be a role model.

Heavenly Father, would you breathe your breath of life into

the preaching this morning? All I have are words.

Words can't do squat without spirit.

So I ask that you would light each of these words on fire like

a dart, and that that flaming dart would Pierce the human

heart. That can only happen if you're

at work, Lord. So it's in the precious name of

Jesus that all God's people prayed.

Amen. You can have a seat.

Oh, hey, I'm not going to spend a lot of time explaining the

text. I usually do.

The text is pretty easy to understand.

OK? There's no surprising Greek

words hiding in here. There's no surprising meaning

that's hiding in here. Essentially, if you look at this

text, what Paul is saying is really simple.

He's saying invest in the next generation of young men and be a

role model to them. That's, that's what the text is

about, right, right. He's, he's saying urge the

younger men to be specifically, he's saying help them be self

controlled. Why?

Here's the reason I, I think why I think because every, every

place, every geography, every church, every nation builds its

own unique culture, a culture around young men and their

expectations for young men. The island of Crete is a

dumpster fire, right? There's like, if, if you've

studied it, if you've made one of those early sermons, you know

that there's some crazy stuff happening on island of Crete.

It's dominated by dishonest mercenary soldiers.

It's dominated by literal pirates who get their living by

stealing. That means that the expectations

on this island for young men are really low, right?

My guess is that on the island of Crete, if I had to guess, my

guess is that it would be kind of like a, well, you know, boys

will be boys type of culture, right?

And those types of cultures, boys will be boys.

What they do is they they tend to reinforce on helpful gender

norms of things like bullying and domineering and being sexual

predators and stealing and being thieves and being dishonest.

And what Paul is saying to Titus is don't have low expectations

for these men. Urge them to be better.

Urge them to be self controlled. Urge them to be like Jesus.

I know these men are pirates. God's real, he can change them.

You can have godly expectations for them.

Urge them to be self controlled. So of course, that's why Paul

says to Titus, invest in the next generation of men.

Why did he have to say that? Probably because it's not

happening. Why?

Why doesn't this happen then and and now?

Why is it so rare for older men to invest in younger men?

Where's the rub? I spent a lot of time this week.

This is probably a rare sermon that needs to be more common for

me, but it was rare because I probably spent more time praying

about the sermon than actually studying and preparing the

sermon, which should probably be more normal for me.

But as I, as I prayed and fasted over that question, why is, why

does this not happen in the church?

I do feel like the Lord gave me an answer.

Like I do feel like the Spirit gave me something.

And so I think there's something in here for you as as a man.

I think the reason why older men struggle to invest in younger

men and younger men struggle to have friendships with older men

is is simple. I think it's because most men

choose loneliness over awkwardness.

Those are the two choices, either loneliness or

awkwardness, right? If you want to have these type

of relationships and friendships, you're going to

have to endure some level of awkwardness.

There's always a level of awkwardness to starting these

types of discipleship relationships because they

always start the same way. It almost always starts with a

younger man's life falling apart, which it doesn't have to,

and then him saying, hey, dude, you're one step ahead of me.

You're 2 steps ahead of me, you're 3 steps ahead of me.

I've got to be honest with you, I suck at being a husband.

I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to be a good

dad. I thought I was going to be a

good dad and I'm not. I can't stop watching porn.

How do you invest your money? I don't know how to be a

Christian, right? If you're going to embrace that

type of honesty, you're going to have to endure some level of

awkwardness. And some dudes are like, no, I

don't want to do it. I would rather just rot in

private. It's a lot of men just they

choose loneliness over awkwardness.

And if you don't want to invest in the men at your local church

as a man, that's fine. You're welcome.

We love you still show up on Sunday mornings, worship with

us. Seriously.

I mean that that's great, but you are.

You're not just rejecting awkwardness.

I need you to know that you are also choosing loneliness, and

there's always a price to pay for this.

Like one of the things I've said, and I think it's wrong,

not that it's wrong, I just don't think it's true enough.

One of the things I've said in the past is the church needs

good men right along the the yearly men's gathering we do is

called Iowa Needs Good Dudes. Yeah, Heck yeah.

Heck yeah, bro, Iowa needs good dudes.

And it's not that that's wrong, it's just that it's not true

enough. Like, the more that I've thought

about that sentiment, I would take it one step farther.

I'm not positive that what the church needs are good men.

We have Jesus, Amen. What the church needs are men

who at least want to become good.

If that's there, if the desire is there, if the hunger is

there, if the want is there, like I just, I want to become a

good man. Everything else tends to fall in

place. And if it doesn't, everything

else just tends to go to hell in a handbasket.

Like I didn't recognize how much of A threat a bored man is to

his family and his church until I became a pastor.

I wish you could. I wish you could be a family on

the wall in some of these conversations as as a as a

pastor there, I have had moments where women have reached out to

me and they've said my marriage is it is falling apart.

I am miserable right now. We need help.

We need help. And I've reached out to the man

like his wife feels like she's on fire, fire.

And I've reached out to the man, he's been like, Nah, I don't

want help. Men would rather some men would

rather drag their whole family into hell than just admit that

they need help. And if that's you, if you're not

self controlled, if if your marriage is not flourishing, you

don't know how to follow Jesus. I am pleading with you.

I'm begging brother, I will wash your feet.

I will get down to my hands and knees, Then I will kiss your

feet. Please don't be that guy.

Be the guy who at least has the want to be a good man who at

least can embrace the awkwardness and say, hey dude,

you're like one step ahead of me.

I know you're not perfect at this, but I see you at church

and it seems like you're kind of crushing it at marriage.

It seems like you're doing a good job as as a dad.

I will buy you coffee. Can we hang out?

That's how it's done. It's actually not complicated.

You just have to endure the awkwardness of making it right.

And here's about probably as practical as I'm going to get

this morning. If I think there's 2 levels of

men investing in men at the local church.

There's a formal level and there's an informal level.

Let's walk through the formal level really quickly.

If if you're in a place where you have an extra hour or hour

and a half of time to invest in the next generation of men in a

formal discipleship relationship, I've got three

things I want to say to you. Here's the first thing.

If you're a spiritual father, do not overlook the men in this

church who are just one step behind you.

They seem like peers to you. I think you'd be amazed at how

many men who are one step behind you because of us being such a

young church would look to you as a spiritual father.

Don't overlook them. Second, if you're like on the

bottom 50th percentile in terms of age in our church, as a man,

what I would say to you is the second point, which is as a

spiritual son, do not despise and don't overlook the man who's

just one step ahead of you. You don't need a man in your in

his 60s or 70s, even though everybody does.

Like here's the thing, you like Kent, Kent Young and Carl

Maxwell, those guys, those guys are lottery tickets that we

didn't even have to scratch. And the thing about being a

young church and having men like that is that everybody wants to

be best friends with them. Everybody like all the dudes in

our church is like, dude, I want to be like Carl.

I want to be like Kent. And the thing about a sermon

like this is I don't want to, like, fill their entire

calendars and have everybody be like, hey, can we be best

friends now, Carl? It can't, even though I know you

want that to be true. What?

That would be great. But also, you would be amazed at

how much wisdom a man who's one step ahead of you has.

And so like, like if you're in your 20s and you're single, a

young man who is married without kids can be a spiritual father

to you. If you are young and married and

have kids, a person who's young and married and has one or two

kids more than you can be a spiritual father to you, right?

Those are the first two points. The Third Point is this.

If this if you're going to invest in the next generation of

men or if you're going to be invested in by the generation

before you, the key is for both men to have the posture of

learners or to say a different way.

Don't try to impress each other. The the bond, the friendship.

It will not take if you sit down with an older man and try to

impress him. The best way is to take the

posture of a learner and to just be like, OK, I'm going to come

with some questions and I'm going to be the learner.

If you can do that, you'll create kind of a formal

discipleship relationship that's intergenerational.

Are you guys with me? Feels hot in here right now.

Maybe that's the spirit. Let's keep pressing.

There's also this informal level though, where if you're you're

hearing what I'm saying and you're like, yeah, yeah, bro,

that all sounds good. I don't have the time to invest

in that type of relationship. That's OK.

I hope it's a season and not a lifetime commitment.

But if you're if you're there, you're like, I don't have the

time to give to that. I totally understand.

My advice to you is simple. Take the Sunday gathering and

reimagine it. As Western Christians, we've

been taught to believe that the Sunday gathering, it's for me.

I want to come. And I want my needs to be met

and that always leads to dissatisfaction.

Just a heads up. If you can reconceptualize it by

thinking OK, this is our grandchildren's church and start

to think 1-2 generations deep, then you can show up to church

and think, OK, this is for me to invest in other men in my

church. Let me tell you 3 things you can

do to cultivate that type of spiritual father aura in the

church #1 if you're an older man at the Sunday gathering, I want

you to notice a young man who is crushing it.

It can be at anything, right? It could be at parenting.

It can be at husbanding. It can be at worshipping.

Maybe the bar is so low that you saw a guy tie his shoes.

That brings me to step #2 tell him he's crushing it.

Brother, I saw you tie your shoes.

I thought you were going to stop.

And then you double nodded them. You're crushing it.

You'd be amazed at how little encouragement young men need

from the older generation of men.

I'm joking. Maybe keep it somewhere in the

realm of I saw you crushing it as a as a Christian or, or

whatever it is. You would be amazed at how

hungry young men are to hear that from men who are like one

or two steps ahead of them. And here's the third step.

This is how you seal the deal. After you tell them that they're

crushing it, I want you to reach out your hand, put it on their

left shoulder, and then pray over them, preferably a prayer

of gratitude. And if you do that 52 Sundays a

year, you will become a spiritual father in the church.

And the degree to which you can do this and invest in the men

around you is the degree to which you will enjoy the church

or despise the church. If you do not do this, you will

be bored in church. It doesn't matter how good the

worship is, it doesn't matter how many church events there

are, It doesn't matter how good the preaching is.

Whatever, if you are not actively investing in the men

around you as a man in church, you're just going to be bored.

It's like God has built it into your brain.

Like there was a there was a study done in 2020 called, I

can't remember what it was. It was people transitioning into

parenthood and they discovered something amazing, which is they

discovered that there's literally something that they

called dad brain. That dad brain literally exists.

What they discovered through through a neurological stance

scan of men transitioning into fatherhood was that there's

actually this nest of neurons. It's not gigantic.

It's not like half of your brain or like 25% of your brain.

It's, it's relatively small, but there's this nest of neurons in

your brain. Can you picture this?

There's this nest of neurons in your brain as a man that is

inactive. It's dormant, it's asleep, and

there's only one thing that activates it.

Can you guess what? Becoming a dad.

When you become a dad, that nest of neurons that was dormant, it

lights up, it comes to life, it wakes up.

And they discovered that you don't need to be a biological

father in order to activate that part of your brain.

If you are actively investing in younger men to any degree, that

part of your brain can and will light up.

And so I'm not trying to be mean when I say this.

I don't mean this in a mean spirited way whatsoever.

I'm just saying like neurologically, as a man, if you

are not investing in other men, there will be a hole in your

brain. Just a you won't there will it

will feel like there's something missing in your life because

there is. And that's why Paul says Titus

be a spiritual father. Oh boy, 1113, OK, I'm going to

do it. There was pandemonium.

There was chaos. There was people screaming and

yelling at each other in the year 1912 as the Titanic began

to sink. But as the Titanic was sinking

into the icy cold waters, there was a man named Daniel Buckley

who made his way to one of the 20 lifeboats.

There were only 20 lifeboats, famously, right?

There were famously not enough lifeboats on the unsinkable

Titanic. And Daniel Buckley found his way

all the way on to lifeboat #13 they all filled up.

And there were still hundreds of people left on the Titanic.

So famously the officers went around enforcing the women and

children first rule, which you know, is existentially just,

it's right. There is something built into

your heart that's like, Yep, if anybody's going to die, it

should be men and not women or children.

You can even try and make an argument, but you need to be

motivated by another agenda if you want to disagree with that.

Like if you want to be like, you know, I actually think it should

be men and women 1st and children should drown on the

boats because because men and women, man, they're more

valuable to the workforce and the economy.

Dude, you don't mean that inside of every male heart, and this is

the second of the two indomitable desires inside of

every male heart. Inside of every male heart is a

desire to give up your life and sacrifice it so that other lives

can flourish and live. It's in there.

You can bury it, you can ignore it, but it will be to your own

peril. In fact, that's exactly what

Daniel Buckley did. He ignored that and he buried

that desire within his heart. He was on Lifeboat 13.

And as as the the guards went around from lifeboat to

lifeboat, forcibly removing the men sometimes from the lifeboats

on to the sinking ship, they eventually arrived at Lifeboat

13. And for Daniel Buckley, it hit

him. Uh oh.

These guys are about to forcibly remove me from this safe and dry

lifeboat, and they're about to place me onto a ship that is

going to sink to the bottom of the ocean where I breathe my

last breaths in frozen water. And so Daniel Buckley, he had an

idea. He was sitting next to a a

loving, thoughtful, generous woman and he decided that he

wanted to exploit her generosity.

And what he did was he convinced the woman that was sitting next

to him to give him her shawl. So he took the shawl, he

disguised himself as a woman and when the officers arrived at

lifeboat #13, he put his hands in his face and fake cried.

And it worked. And depending on whatever

historian you read, the numbers vary from historian to

historian. But based on whatever historian

you read that night, 150 to 175 women and children sunk and met

their deaths at the bottom of the ocean on the Titanic.

But not Daniel Buckley. He arrived safe to shore.

Why? Because he was wearing a shawl.

I'm only speaking to the men when I say this.

Please hear me. The obvious question that you

have to ask when you think about this story is are you wearing a

shawl? Man, there are too many men in

the modern church who are just way too comfortable being safe

and dry on the lifeboats while the next generation of

Christians drown on a sinking ship, making way too few

investments, encouraging way too little.

And I know that sounds dramatic. It's a Titanic analogy I've been

preaching for nine years. I've never used the Titanic

analogy. It's so dramatic.

The data supports it. You don't even need data.

You have the Scriptures. The scriptures are so clear.

Tell the next generation about the works of God from one

generation to the next. Titus, be a spiritual father.

You don't need data, but there's data.

Barna, Actually last year they did a landmark study where they

decided, let's see if we can find if there's any single

defining factor that differentiates people who grow

up in the church and abandon it later on in life and people who

grow up in church and keep the faith for their entire life.

And you know what they discovered?

They discovered there was, there was 1 defining factor.

You know what it wasn't? It was not denomination,

although that's important. It wasn't a youth ministry,

though. We'll need one of those.

It wasn't whether or not they played dodgeball, though I would

love to flatten some faces with some dodge balls in the future.

None of those things were the defining factor.

The defining factor for kids who grew up in the church and

remained in the faith their entire lives was simple.

They had three to five adult believers who played significant

roles in their life and were open and honest about their own

struggles with the faith. That's what kept.

That's what God. I mean, God kept him.

God alone keeps people, but that's what he used, so the data

is clear. If you don't want to invest in

the next generation, say goodbye from your lifeboat.

Watch them sink, but they'll sink.

I know there's some awkwardness you like there's there's part of

you that's like, yeah, I know. But gosh, man, it just feels

sometimes so awkward to reach out and encourage a younger man

at church on Sunday. It just feels shawl.

I know. I just don't have a I got a busy

schedule. I just don't have a lot of time.

Shawl. Those are all shawls.

They're ways of avoiding responsibility and becoming

spiritual fathers in the church. Here's the way it works.

Men, Older men die and younger men get to flourish.

Older men sacrifice and younger men get to live, and that's how

you create a beautiful, beautiful, vibrant local church.

Spurgeon, of course, says it more powerfully than me.

The 19th century's preacher, Charles Spurgeon says, quote, if

the Lord does not speedily appear, there will come another

generation and another, and all these generations will be

tainted and injured. If we are not faithful to God

and his truth. Today we have come to a turning

point in the road. What's the turning point,

Charles? If we turn the right way, our

children and our children's children will go that way.

But if we turn the wrong way, generations yet unborn will

curse our names for having been unfaithful to God and to his

word. They'll show up at college

someday and their buddies will be like, what was it like

growing up in the church? And they'll say, I don't know,

man. I always just kind of felt like

I was a distraction there. It just never really felt like

the church was like really interested in me or that they

were passionate. I do have good news for you this

morning. Here's here's my good news for

you. My good news for you is simple.

Jesus did not wear a shawl. Jesus did not stay on his

lifeboat. That's the gospel.

Jesus was on the lifeboat in eternity, in heaven, in

paradise, apart from sin, apart from suffering, apart from pain,

in the perfect presence of the Father in the Spirit in the

heavenly realm. That's a lifeboat.

Did he stay on it? No, He incarnated himself.

He got off the lifeboat and placed himself on our sinking

ship. When the world went to hell

through sin and pain and suffering, and the ship started

to sink, Jesus took on flesh, came after us, lived the perfect

life, died in our place to take away all of our sins, to absorb

the wrath of God, and to give us his lifeboat to cover us in the

righteousness of God. So that by faith alone in

Christ, if you believe in Jesus, you get his lifeboat.

And that means that you're going to show up safe and secure at

heaven in new creation forever because of Jesus.

There are two indomitable desires in every male heart, the

desire to be a father figure and the desire to give up your life

so that others may flourish. Use both of those for the good

of your church. In the glory of God.

Heavenly Father move in US powerfully.

For a lot of us it just means it.

Developing an informal friendship with the men at a

church where we are praying for them, encouraging them, lifting

them up before the throne of God and telling them that we love

them and we believe in them and that God's at work in them.

And so, Lord, in our world, that does take a miracle.

So, Lord, would you do that? In the precious name of Jesus,

All God's people prayed.