The Christian Handbook - Gods Plan in Your Home

We are in a series called the Christian Handbook Fundamentals of the Faith. We

are talking about what Christians believe. Why are we talking about what Christians believe?

Because it informs what Christians do. Right, Our belief informs what we

do. The only reason you're sitting in this chair right now, that you're

sitting in right now is because you believe it'll hold your weight, or else

you wouldn't have sat down in it. I totally saw that from another pastor.

It's okay, but you your belief informs your actions or informs your behaviors.

So that's what we're doing in this series. We're going to go back

and just look at what Christians believe to inform us of what Christians do.

And so far, I've covered who God is, We've covered the Trinity,

We've covered God's Word and how we should handle it. I love that message

that Pastor Duncan was preaching was great. I love all of the messages,

by the way, but that was a great one, how you should handle

God's Word. We've also talked about creation, and last week was specifically talked

about how God created mankind. And so I'm going to look back at Genesis

one twenty seven. I just like jumped right into the message. You guys

ready for this. Okay, I'm gonna pray in a little bit, but

I want to set up a little bit before it's literally in my notes to

pray, I promise. So God created mankind in his own image, in

the image of God. He created them male and female. He created them.

And I just want to point out one thing here. It says so

God created mankind. God did in his own image, in the image of

God. He created them male and female. He created them. Who created

them? God did? If he's saying it three times, it's probably really

important for us to remember that God created mankind. He created mankind as male

and female. And then we see that in scripture. If you continue reading

how God, it breaks down how God created the man and that it wasn't

good for man to be alone, right, and that how God created the

woman from the rib of the man. And we know this man to be

Adam, we know this woman to be Eve. This is Adam and Eve.

But right after reading this account in Scripture, there are two short versus

that I think we have to stop and talk about, and that's in Genesis.

Two verses twenty three and twenty four. The man said, this is

now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be

called woman, for she was taken out of man. That is why a

man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they

become one flesh, say one flesh, They become one flesh. I am

going to lower this table, so just pause because I can't. I feel

like the whole glare is so bad. If this falls over, just laugh.

I did it. I legit thought the whole table was going to fall

over. So we read this scripture, and what we see is we see

this coming back together right out of the rib the woman was made. We

see his coming back together or rejoining of the two to become one again.

This is the consummation of the marriage union. That's what's being spoken about right

here, this consummation of the marriage union. And so that's actually what we're

going to be talking about today. A lot of times when you go through

systematic theology, teaching or preaching goes straight from creating mankind to the fall.

Well, I don't want to skip over these two verses. And we get

a chance to talk about this coming together in marriage union. So we're gonna

take a high level view of marriage, which is godly husbands and godly wives.

And obviously when we talk about the topic of marriage, it will touch

a little bit on parenting. We're not going to dive super deep into that,

but it'll touch on it a little bit. But the primary focus of

today is on God's order for the family in the home. So the message

is titled this God's Plan in your Home. God's Plan in your Home.

What if I'm not married, It's okay, just hang on. We'll get

to that. We know that God created everything, and he's the author of

life, right, and the author of life probably has the best idea or

plan or design for how it should be lived. So we look to God

to give us the plan or design for how life is to be lived.

And God has a specific way that he designed things to work in the world,

which we know to be true, but also in the home, and

so we're going to talk about that home peace today. But before we get

any further, like I promised, let's pray. God. We thank you

for today. We thank you for your word, we thank you for your

instruction. God, we thank you for just the ability that you would tell

us what to do and how we should love our lives as the one who

created life to begin with. So God, we pray that we have open

hearts to receive from you, that we have open ears that as we come

across scripture that might be challenging of how we view the world. God,

we just submit ourselves to you, God, that we open up ourselves to

receive from you, and that we rely on you just to walk in obedience

to what you called us to be and do as human beings, especially as

your people. So God, we thank you for your word and pray that

is enriching to us. And God, we just pray that you are glorified

and every thing that we do today, that all these words are yours and

not mine, and that we are able to go forward in confidence that we're

following you, our Lord and our Savior, Jesus and Jesus name. Everybody

said a men. Okay. We live in a world that likes to redefine

terms a lot, where things just don't mean the same things that they used

to. But the only one who's actually allowed to define terms or redefine terms

is one who created whatever it was. If you paint a picture who gets

decide what it's called you do? If you write a song, who gets

to decide what it means you do? Is the writer? Right? Or

Seal? What's that song kissed by Rose? No one knows what that means.

Seal doesn't even know what it means. Listen to the lyrics. You're

like, what, I don't get it. But the one who wrote a

bad example, the one who wrote it, gets to decide what it means.

Right. They get decide the definition, or they get to define what

their creation is. And God created the you of marriage. He created marriage.

Therefore he gets to define what it is. He gets to define what

marriage is. And God's marriage is what we read in Genesis just a second

ago. A man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife

and they become one flesh. So anytime we say the word marriage today or

we read it in scripture, this is what we're talking about. And I

haven't kind of written in a big statement big because the text is large.

Marriage is the lifelong exclusive commitment made no go back. Is the lifelong exclusive

commitment made between a man, a woman and God that has consummated through sex.

This is the definition of marriage and we're gonna read a bunch of scripture

that's going to kind of show where this definition came from, and it's going

to support how we landed on this today. But the sad truth is that

the rate of people getting married today is continuing to go down. I say,

there's lots of people just playing house. They're refusing to step into this

commitment. And maybe it's because people just don't want to commit in general.

I mean, that could be what it is. Maybe they've seen that the

majority of marriages on planet Earth just end in divorce, so what's the point.

Maybe they just want to rebel against a system that's real. I mean,

read Romans The State of our Heart Before Jesus, we're in complete rebellion

to all things that God created or how He created things to be. But

I think the actual reason that we're in the current state that we're in with

marriages is because humanity has tried to do commitment their own way instead of the

way God has shown us, and it just doesn't work. Tried to do

commitment and make do it on our own terms, and the reality is if

you try to do it the way that God didn't design it to work,

it's just not going to work because God create a perfect way for it to

work. Realistically speaking, the mass majority of people who are not yet married

will at some point desire and seek out companionship. That's just the raw facts

of it that there, and there are some people who will be content being

single and serving a Lord for the rest of their life. And that is

amazing and in Rome, excuse me, in first grintin seven, God gives

us direction for that. He's Paul says that there's it's better not to get

married like him. First off, Paul wasn't married. If you didn't know

that. He says, better not to get married like him because those who

are unmarried, they can be fully focused on the concerns of a Lord.

They don't have the concerns of any anything else, just the Lord. But

the people who are married, it's my beautiful wife down there. I have

divided concerns. I'm definitely concerned with what the Lord wants, but I'm also

concerned with what my wife wants. Why because the Lord told me to be

concerned about what my wife wants. So it divides my concerns a little bit.

But those and then Paul will continue to say like those who by the

way, he says, like, this is my command, not the command

of the Lord. You should read through. It's amazing. We're gonna read

through some of it today. But those who remain single still need to stay

free of sexual morality just like those who are married, right, so that

expectation doesn't change. But he also says, if you're gonna run around desire,

then just get married. If you're gonna have a hard time being celibate

or being single and being free of that desire for that close intimate companionship,

He's like, just get married, because it's better to serve the Lord that

way. But to be a single person or whole life, it just isn't

as common. It's statistically not as I guess common. I don't have another

word for that. Who's my synonym creator out here, mythosaurus. So if

most of us are going to pursue a close or intimate relationship or intimate companionship,

then what we need to do is we need to look to God to

see how to do it right. We need to look to him to see

what is his plan for how we should do it, and how do we

do it the way he wants us to do it. So let's look at

First Corinthians, chapter thirteen. It's the love chapter. These are Even if

you haven't been in church, you probably have heard some of these verses before.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do

not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clinging symbol.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,

and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not

have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the

poor and give over my body to hardship, that I may boast, but

do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, Love is

kind. It does not envy, It does not boast. It is not

proud, It does not dishonor others. It is not self seeking, It

is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not

delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always

trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. That's a lot, that's a tall

order for what love is. But what's the point of all of what we

just read is that no matter what, nothing you do for another person actually

matters. If there isn't this first, If isn't first a foundation of love,

none of it actually matters. Can you go back one screen? But

when I always see is if I give all I possess to the poor and

give over my body to hardship, that I may boast. If you give

away everything and it wasn't first from a foundation of love, means nothing.

You're a clanging gong and a loud symbol. It means nothing. And just

to drive this point home even further, I love how Jesus defines love in

John fifteen. So let's turn to John fifteen, starting in verse nine.

Here, as the Father has loved me, so I have loved you,

now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain

in my love, just as I have kept my father's commands and remain in

his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in

you, and that your joy may be complete. My command is this,

love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than

this to lay down one's life for one's friend. Wait, what that's pretty

big. Greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for

one's friend. I think I need to elevate my own view of what love

really is. We have this Hollywood love, this feeling of falling in love.

That's not what love is. Love is not just a feeling you fall

in and out of. It's something much much bigger and more important than that.

We know that God commands us to love Him as part of our our

mission at the roots is it's all about Jesus. What's the first one we

love God? What's the next one we love people? Why? That comes

from the greatest commandment. We are commanded to love God with all of our

heart, our soul, our mind, and our strength. So He's first.

God is first. But what comes next is to love our neighbor as

ourself. Well, our first neighbor is our spouse. That's our first neighbor

is our spouse. If you don't have a spouse yet, don't worry.

Statistically speaking, you're gonna have one. So let's prepare your spouse is your

first neighbor. And this is the kind of love that we need to demonstrate

to our spouse, this sacrificial type of love. And did you notice that

there wasn't a qualifier before all of that, if they love me, then

I love them like this. No, there's no qualifier, regardless of reciprocity,

and regardless that they are showing you love back. We are to love

in this way. That's heavy. So the foundation for a godly marriage must

first be on love, and not love the way we define it or love

the way the world defines it. It's the way that God defines love.

So let's shift gears a little bit. We're gonna talk now about what it

means to be a godly husband and a godly wife in a godly marriage.

And because we're a gentleman, it's ladies first. Just kidding. The Bible

says ladies first, so that's why. Okay, so we're gonna talk about

the godly wife, the godly wife, How does God define a godly wife?

And just a couple of months ago, we preach through the Book of

Ephesians. I'm hoping we're gonna go back to Phesians. I'm hoping that some

of these verses are at least a little bit fresh in your mind and your

heart. But let's go to a Phesians five verse twenty one, submit to

one another out of reverence, for Christ. Wives submit yourselves to your own

husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of

the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body of

which he is the Savior. Now as a church submits to Christ, so

also wives should submit to their husbands and everything period. The first big thing

that I want to stop and take note of is in verse twenty two.

Can you go back one side for me? So it says for the wives

to submit to who your own husbands, to their own husbands. So this

is not a blanket statement saying that women are to be submitted to all men.

No, these are wives are to be submitted. This is being directly

to the wives to be submitted to their own husbands, which is affirming the

exclusivity of marriage. So now we're starting to think about that definition we talked

about before. The marriage is exclusive between a husband and a wife. Okay,

this is exclusive a wife submit or wives submit yourself to your own husband.

Right, But what is the main point of this passage of scripture.

Let's go to the next slide or two slides. I guess the godly wife

submits to her husband as she does to the Lord. That's the point of

that passage, the godly wife submits to her husband as she does to the

Lord. And this does not mean that their husband is God, because me

nobody wants that her husband is not God. There is only one God and

adain us as husbands. But with the same recognition the Church has for the

headship of Jesus wives. That is the same type of recognition we should give

to our husbands as head of the home and head over you as the wife

in the home. And verse twenty four. Make sure that all of the

bases are covered by adding a specific warrior should submit to their husbands in everything.

That just covers all the bases in everything, like everything, everything,

everything. But what if the husband isn't a godly husband. That's a big

question. Well, husbands are gonna be the hot seat in just a minute,

so don't get too comfortable, guys. But the truth is here.

Unless he's leading you to do something sinful, then God has called you to

submit to your husband. That's just the straight facts truth that as long as

he's not leading you to do something sinful, that is either to do something

that God has commanded us not to do or to not do something that God

has commanded us to do. If he's not leading you in that direction,

then God is going to call you to submit to your husband and everything.

And I want to take a pause here because that's I mean, this is

like the verse all a bunch of preachers joke about right lives, submit to

your husband's and then it's you know, uncomfortable in the room. So I

want to stop and talk about if you're wrestling internally with that, If you

are wrestling internally with a thought of submitting to your husband and everything, I

want you to remember what happened right after Adam and Eve sinned, which we're

going to talk about the fall next week. But let's look in Genesis three

sixteen to the woman, he said, I will make your pains and child

bearing very severe, with painful labor. You will give birth to children.

Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.

So what does that mean? This desire for the husband isn't desire out of

your love for him, That's not what this means. No, your sin

tendency will desire to rule over him is what this means. And this is

the same way that sin is referenced in literally the next chapter. This is

Genesis four six with Cain and Abel. Then the Lord said to Caine,

why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what

is right, you will not will you not be accepted. But if you

do not do what is right, Sin is crouching it at your door.

It desires to have you, but you must rule over it. This is

the same type of desire that's being expressed just a minute ago. It's not

a loving kind of desire, but it's a desire to devour or subdue.

And John Piper has a great quote in reference to this. He says,

when it says your desire shall be for your husband, it means that when

sin has the upper hand and a woman. Okay, that means when it's

just it's got a hold of you for a moment, as a believer or

as Ann leaver, you are a slave to sin. Right. It means

that when Sin has the upper hand and wit and woman, she will desire

to overpower or subdue or exploit man. And when Sin has the upper hand

in man, he will respond in like manner and with his strength subdue her

or rule over her. Does that make sense? It's this war where the

flesh is just kind of flaring up so late, as if you are wrestling

with the thought of submitting to the headship of your husband and everything. Just

remember that it's you. It's your flesh that's fighting against God's plan, his

perfect plan for how he designed things to work in the home. It's your

flesh fighting against that that. Families work best when we follow the way God

design them to work in Every single wife will have to fight too, as

Galatians five puts that crucify their flesh with its passions and desires. We all

have to do that. So ladies are not alone and men like we have

to crucifier flesh to our sin. Tendencies are just a little different, they'll

be a little different. Okay, what else does God say about a godly

wife? Let's look in Titus chapter two. Likewise, teach the older women

to be reverent in the way they live. I'm not going to define who

the older women are. I'll let you define. When you're an older woman,

be a reverent and the way they live. Not to be slanders or

addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good then, okay,

qualifier. Then they can urge the younger women to what to love their husbands

and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home,

to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that

no one will malign the word of God. So the older women are to

urge the younger women to be the kind of woman and the kind of wives

that God wants to of their husbands and children. And remember how God defines

love to be in control of themselves, to be self controlled, which,

by the way, God also tells the men to do that. To be

pure, pure from that word broken down is from carnality, to be chaste

or modest, That's what it means to be pure, to be busy at

home, to be kind, to be subject to their husbands, and to

be subject is to be submitted to That's what that means. All so that

no one will speak spitefully about the word of God. But let's go back

to that part that says busy in the home because I don't want to I

don't want to brush over it, and it's oftentimes something we talk about it.

What does it actually mean to be busy in the home. The word

in the Greek breaks down to literally mean the one who cares for the home

or works in the home, the keeper of the house. So that's what

that word boils down to. Does this mean that women can't have a job

outside the home. That's usually a good follow up question, and I would

say no. But if a wife has a job outside the home, it

doesn't remove God's call for them to be the keeper of the home. It

doesn't remove his command for them to be the one who is busy in the

home. Her care for her husband, her children, and her home can't

suffer for the sake of working outside the home. And we know it's possible

because of Proverbs thirty one. We see a wife who works both inside and

outside the home, but nothing within the home or the relationship with the husband

or the children suffers. And ladies, if you're looking for like a target

to hit, like a biblical target for what it means to be a godly

wife, Proverbs thirty one, it's a great place to look. So let's

read it. We're not gonna like break it down, but let's read it.

A wife of noble character who can find she's worth far more than rubies.

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She

brings him She brings him good, not harm all the days of her life.

She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands. She is like

the merchant ships bringing her food from afar. She gets up while a still

night. She provides food for her family and portions and portions for her female

servants. She considers a field and buys it out of her earnings. She

plants a vineyard. She sets about her work vigorously. Her arms are strong

for her tasks. She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp

does not go out at night. In her hand, she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers. I don't even know what those words

are. I probably should have looked him up. She opens her arms to

the poor and extends her hands to the needy. When it snows, she

has no fear for her household, for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

She makes coverings for her bed. She is clothed and fine linen and

purple. Her husband is respected at the city gates, where he takes his

seat among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes. She is clothed with strength and dignity.

She can laugh at the days to come. I love that line.

She's like, ah, days to come, We're ready. Speaks with wisdom.

Nobody else thinks that's funny, okay, whatever. She speaks with wisdom

and faithfully instructs instruction. Faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over

the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her

children arise and call her blessed. Her husband also and he praises her.

Many women do notable things, but you baby, surpass them all. Charm

is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. Baby's not in there. I just feel

like I should qualify that. Don't change a dot or iota in scripture right.

Many women do notable things, but use her pass them all. Charm

is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is

to be praised. Honor her for all that her hands have done, and

let her works bring her praise at the city gates. Dang, that's an

awesome target. If you're looking for what it means to be a godly wife

and you want a biblical target Proverbs thirty one. It's just a beautiful example.

And for the record, I'm pretty sure God used that for a blueprint

when he made my wife, because she's nailing it. Hey're five, all

right, fellas, you're ready nail it. Sure it's our term. Okay,

let's look at the godly husband, the godly husband. How does God

define a godly husband's let's go back to Ephesians five. We're just gonna keep

reading right after the wives. Husbands, love your wives. Justice. Christ

love the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing

her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to

himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish,

but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their

wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After

all, no one ever hated their own body. But they feed and care

for their body, just as Christ does the church. So now we get

a look at God's call for the husbands. And this isn't isn't current husbands.

This is all also future husbands. So we need to keep an eye

on that. So what is God telling us to do? He's telling us

to love our wives or the big point I've worded it this way, the

godly husband loves his wife like Jesus loved the church. Godly husband loves his

wife like Jesus loved the church. And it seems super easy until we remember

God's definition of love. Love isn't just a feeling you fall in and out

of. No, love is It's an action. Any DC talk fans in

the house, love is a love is a verb. Yeah, it's an

action. Hey, hey tell me, haven't you heard all right? Well,

I was gonna say, go listen to it, but it's really old.

So but Jesus literally laid his life down for the church, and he's

calling us, as how sans, to do the same thing for our wives.

But the purpose here, and that's explained in verse But I love the

purpose that's explained here in verse twenty six. We go to verse twenty six

to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word

to make her holy. Now, obviously, us as husbands, we're not

Jesus, so we're not doing we're not literally doing that through our own sacrificial

type of love. But principally we're doing the same thing. We love our

wives in a way that leads and shepherds her and our children to be followers

of Jesus. And that's what makes them holy and blameless because of what Jesus

did. We're leading them to Jesus. We are shepherding them to Jesus.

And husbands our first ministry, the first people on this planet that we should

be focused on, preaching the gospel and discipling. That's our wife and our

children. That's who's first. Before you think about reaching outside anywhere else.

I put them in your house. Your closest neighbor is your wife and your

children. That is who we should be discipling, preaching the gospel to,

and discipling first. Because who is God holding accountable for headship of the home

husbands. It's us. He's holding us accountable and low key it should freak

us out a little bit. Now, it just means we should take it

seriously. We should take that call seriously, and also for all of us

who feel completely inadequate to do that, He's given us everything we need to

do it. We just need to walk in obedience in that. But the

question I ask, and I ask myself, and these are things that like,

I love that God decides to take you through things before you start studying

it, because you have to preach it coming up pretty soon. My wife

and I've been talking a lot about this, and I'm asking the question,

what's the state of my home, what's the state of those in my home,

my wife and my kids? What is their condition? Because all that's

on my way, and God holds me accountable for that. So let's go

back to that Ephesian's text, Verses twenty eight and twenty nine. In this

same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He

who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one has ever hated

their own body. But they feed and care for their for their body,

just as Christ does the church. If marriage is the joining together of two

people into one flesh, then the way the husband is with himself, or

the way the husband is with his wife, is how he is with himself.

Why, because we're one flesh, we are one flesh. We are

not two anymore. We are now one flesh together. We should love and

care for our wives just like we would love and care for our own body.

And I love that he uses food as an example here, because who's

gonna go hungry? You're hungry, you eat something. And it also reminds

me when Jesus said to Peter, He's like, do you love me?

And Peter's like, of course, I love you, and He's like,

then feed my sheep. So it makes me think, like, oh,

how am I doing it my family? And that's just not feeding them physical

food, that's also feeding them spiritual food, so much deeper than just this

physical thing. It's also spiritual. How am I doing at shepherding and spiritually

feeding my family? And that spiritual food is God's word. Okay, let's

keep moving. Let's shift from talking about godly wives and godly husbands to talk

about a godly marriage. But wait a minute, I didn't say as much

of the guys as I did the girls, don't worry everything we're about to

talk about. God holds the man and responsible to make sure it's happening.

So kind of still talking to the husbands, but we're going to talk about

the godly marriage, the godly marriage. And when you remember the definition of

marriage that we talked about at the beginning, marriage is a life along exclusive

commitment made between a man, a woman and God that is consummated through sex.

So let's look at this lifelong commitment. Let's turn to Mark chapter ten.

Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, is it lawful for a

man to divorce his wife? What did Moses command you? He replied,

they're asking Jesus this. They said, Moses permitted a man to write a

certificate of divorce and send her away? It was, and then the responses.

It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,

Jesus replied. But at the beginning of creation, God made them male and

female. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and

become or and be united to his wife, and the two will become one

flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore,

what God has joined together, let no one separate. What God has joined

together, let no one separate. And what's the point that Jesus is making

here? When the two become one, The commitment is forever. It's the

forever commitment that God has brought together, and no one, no man,

should separate them. And divorce isn't just two people going their separate ways.

No, it's a it's a like a tearing apart or a sawing in half

of a single person. It's a tearing apart. Then the marriage there is

no more yours in mine and we joke like his or her, his and

hers. No, it's one. Everything is together, everything is together.

You're one flesh. I know that, my wife and I. When we

do marriage counseling with people, we often will say, do you guys have

one bank account or two? And it would surprise you how many people say

two, And I'm like, why do you have two? You're one person.

There's always this like backfoot out the door, there's always an escape plan.

No, no, no, no. When we're married, that commitment

like we're all in. We're all in. That's the way God designed it

to work. We're no longer two, but we're one. No one should

separate that, this consummation of the marriage commitment brings two flesh together into one.

And that's why's and that's why. One of the reasons why sex outside

of marriage, outside of the confines of God's definition in a marriage, is

such a big deal because you're literally joining flesh with another person. You're joining

together with another person and becoming one with them, and it's extremely painful to

tear that apart. So let's keep reading a few more verses in Mark.

When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus, this is

just continuing off where we left continuing where we were left off. The disciples

asked Jesus about this. He answered, anyone who divorces his wife and marries

another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries

another man, she commits adultery. This is how serious Jesus makes this marriage

commitment, this forever commitment. It's so much a forever commitment that even divorcing

your spouse and remarrying someone else's committing adultery. Why why, though, why

is it committing adultery. It's because you're making yourself one flesh with someone when

you're already one flesh with another. You're still in that commitment. Well,

God has brought together. Let no one separate. God brought it together.

But there are and I feel like when we talk about marriage, especially when

we read the scriptures on marriage, they're oftentimes tied with divorce, which is

kind of telling of the condition of the human heart. So I feel like

we have to talk about divorce as well. But there are a few instances

in scripture where God shows the marriage covenant to have ended or dissolved, and

I do believe that God. I'm gonna say the word prefers. I don't

know if that's the best word to use, but I believe that he prefers

reconciliation between two people. But there are cases where it is okay to get

divorce and not be committing adultery when you're marrying somebody else, and so I

want to cover those just because it's on the topics. So we're gonna go

to First Corinthians, chapter seven. A woman is bound her husband as long

as he lives. No, you can't kill your husband. I feel like

I should just say that nobody, no crime, that's what. Yet,

a woman is bounds or her husband as long as he lives. But if

her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he

must belong to the Lord. So let's talk about that. If your spouse

dies, the covenant with them has ended, and it's totally okay to remarry,

especially if you're gonna go on like you're still maybe I'll say it's just

lightly. If you're at an age where you're going to desire or intimate companionship

in the future, you should absolutely get remarried. If you're beyond that and

you're like, I don't care, then just spend the rest of the time

and on earth loving the Lord, serving as people. Right. But notice

how it says she is free to marry whoever. But the last part is

he must belong to the Lord. So it puts that little peace on the

end there. Don't go off and marry an unbeliever. Don't go and yoke

yourself together unbelievers. There's more scripture that talks about that. And I can't

think of a closer application being yoked to someone than getting married. That is

the closest way you can yoke yourself to someone and just on a practical level,

binding yourself for life, because that's what the marriage commitment is. Binding

yourself for life together with an unbeliever will only bring division and hardship in the

home. That's just on a practical level, that's not even a spiritual level.

That's just gun. It's just going to be more difficult and you see

all over when you read scripture. You see all over the Bible men and

women joining themselves or binding themselves together with people who are not God's people,

and it never, and it oftentimes will pull them away from God altogether,

that they're not even following the Lord anywhere or at all. So I think

that's why that's in there. But he must belong to the Lord. The

next case where the covenant marriage is dissolved and someone could get remarried and it

wouldn't be committing adultery is in Matthew nineteen. I tell you that anyone who

divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries an other woman commits

adultery. Okay, so there's this exception that's put in there, and sexual

immorality here is sex with anyone outside the confines of God's design for sex.

It's a big drawer. Think of it that way. Sexual immorality is a

big drawer. And there's lots of stuff in there which is anything outside of

God's design for for sex. God's design is committed and exclusive sex between a

husband and a wife, and if there is infidelity, it effectively dissolves a

covenant between the husband and wife, which is what Jesus is talking about here.

And in this case, there is permission to get divorce. And I

call it permission because it's an option. So with a lot of repentance,

a lot of forgiveness, and a long road of healing, these marriages can

be brought back together. God can do amazing things. So divorce being an

option doesn't mean you have to but you shouldn't feel either way unless the Lord's

convicting you a specifically, always follow that conviction. Should be a sin not

to follow the conviction. But otherwise there's an option, but it's always going

to be case by case and should be handled with complete humility and grace every

single case. And the last case where divorce is permitted by God is back

in first Corinthian seven, and this is in verse fifteen. But if the

unbeliever leaves, let it be so this is all in the context of talking

about marriages. If the unbeliever leaves, let it be so the brother or

sister is not bound in such circumstances. God has called us to live in

peace. And this is like two people got married and then all of a

sudden, one person heard the gospel and put their faith in Jesus, and

now one person's a believer and one person's not a believer. And if the

unbeliever decides to leave or abandon the believer, then let them go. The

believer is no longer bound to them and can get remarried. Now this doesn't

mean if you are two unbelievers and you hear the gospel you put faith in

Jesus, that you can come back and make that person's life completely terrible so

they want to leave you. That's not what we're talking about here, because

a lot of people, i mean, we laugh about because it is funny,

but a lot of people do exactly that. They're like, I don't

want to be bound to this person, so if I just make their life

a living hell, they'll leave and I'm in the clear. Well, we

definitely want to check our motives in that. You should read all of this

chapter because it talks more about about that. Because God can work through you

to do something amazing in someone else, especially a non believer's life. I

mean, that's kind of how the whole gospel works. Right, Believers go

and preach the gospel of people, God does an amazing work in their life.

So there's always a possibility. But this whole, like little rabbit trail

we went on, brings up something that I think we need to talk about,

and that is, what if I have a past? I mean,

we'll have a past, but what if I have a past where I've had

sex outside of marriage, so I've made myself one flesh with other people already.

Or what if I've been divorced and I've been remarried already, So based

on scripture, it says that I've already committed adultery. Well, the first

thing I want to say is, if you put faith in Jesus, all

sins, past, present and future are gone and forgiven. Amen. That's

amazing, aren't We've been forgiven no matter what it is. That's awesome,

So congratulations. But secondly, I want to say what Jesus said, and

he said, go and send no more. So we've been forgiven. Yes,

we'll go and send no more. Go forward in obedience to what Jesus

has commanded us. So if you're not married, stop joining flesh with people

that aren't your spouse. If you've been divorced and remarried, move forward with

the covenant you're in right now, This is where you're at. You've made

this covenant, then go forward in obedience. And as I was kind of

studying in or going over my notes again for today, I wrote this in

I just felt like I was supposed to put it in there, But in

First Corinthian seven ten through eleven or ten and eleven, it's not in the

note, So don't freak out. It's not in there. It's talking about

two believers who get separated. And I love that it doesn't say two believers

who got divorced. Why because they're believers, they aren't divorced. If they're

separated, there's still one flesh says. If they get separated, they eat

either need to reconcile or remain unmarried. And that's a hard one because if

you're believers and you separate, you know what the truth is and there's only

two options. It's to be reconciled back together or remain unmarried. So I'm

just going to be obedient to the Lord and say that. I don't know

who it's for or what it is, but there you go. And the

last thing I want to say about marriage today is this, And if I

can get the band to come on up, marriage is a stewardship issue.

Marriage is a stewardship issue. And what do I mean by a stewardship issue.

Well, le's look at Matthew chapter twenty two. That same day,

the sadducees who say there is no resurrection came to him with a question.

Came to Jesus, teacher. They said, Moses told us that if a

man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up

offspring for him. Now, there were seven brothers among us. The first

one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his

wife to his brother. The same thing happened to the second and third brother,

right on down to the seventh. Finally the woman died. Now,

then at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven? Since

all of them were married to her. Jesus replied, you are in error.

He's like, you're wrong, You are in error because you do not

know the scriptures or the power of God. Man Jesus just like wow.

He didn't stop, and like sugarcoat, it's great. At the resurrection,

people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. They will be like the

angels in heaven. You should definitely keep reading that this week because he continues

to talk about some awesome stuff, but there is no marriage at the resurrection.

We have one shot to get it right. That's why marriage is a

stewardship issue. We only have one life on earth and God's called us a

steward it. Well. So, husbands, God gave you one of his

daughters as a blessing. Wives, God gave you one of his sons as

a blessing, and we have one chance to steward that well. Together,

we need to steward this covenant and fight to have godly marriages. And those

godly marriages are the way that He defines it, not the way that we

define it. I hear lo, hum, I don't know if you hear

that out there. Raf. Okay, let's go back and look at that

definition. Marriage is the lifelong, exclusive commitment made between a man, a

woman and God that has consummated through sex. We need to be godly husbands

and godly wives and godly marriages who raise godly children, which we didn't even

talk about the whole layer of raising godly children. We love to go into

another time, but for now, just be one flesh and come up with

a plan to shepherd your children. But let's summarize everything from day. We're

going to start with the ladies. Wives submit to your husbands as you do

to the Lord. God has placed men as head of the household, as

Jesus is head of the church. So wives are to submit to the headship

of their husbands. And this isn't a like a mindless submission. Think about

It's like the submission of Jesus in the garden when he's praying before he's crucified.

What did he say? I wrote it down and says, Father,

you can do anything. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I

will, but what you will. And then in the end he voluntarily chose

to submit himself to the headship of God, the Father, the headship and

the will of God the Father. It's not mindless, it's intentional. It's

definitely not mindless because it's hard to do and you're fighting against your flesh to

do it. But Jesus expressed his concern first and said, but God,

it's what you want, I will voluntarily choose to submit. Is it easy?

Not always? But it is right. It is right. It is

how God designed it to be. It's how he designed it. To work

best. I will add what makes it a little bit more difficult is when

a husband doesn't step into the leadership role that God has called him into.

And I think you see that a lot now with a very passive type of

man today, I don't know the rise of the beta mail. Actually this

this, uh, this is how the picture I have in my head.

I'm driving my car, my Tommy boy fans get that. Jesse's in the

passenger's seat next to me driving. I have my foot on the gas.

This is me and leadership. Okay, I'm driving doing good. As soon

as I'm like, man, I don't feel like leading, take my foot

off the gas. What does my wife do? From the passenger's seat,

reaches her foot over and starts putting her foot on the gas pedal. She

starts to push her way into This is metaphorical. She doesn't actually do this

on the road. She starts to push your way into leading when I stop

leading? What is a woman's natural tendency when there's a vacuum of leadership?

Ladies got to get stuff done? Is that what God had added? Mind?

Is God holding women accountable to lead the household? Should that responsibility rest

on their shoulders no. So it's like instant feedback. When I'm screwing it

up, my wife starts leading. It's great. God didn't call her to

lead the family. He called me the husband too. And on that note,

guys, it's our turn. Husbands. Love your wife like Christ loved

the church. Love your wives like Christ love the church. Our job is

not to make our wives submit. That is not the husband's job. To

make our wife submit is to love her. Our wives are submitted to our

headship, and God has told us how to lead, and that is their

sacrificial love. It's not domineering. It's not an oppressive type of leadership.

It's a loving headship. It's not sit down, shut up and do what

I say. As much as it seems in our sinful flesh that that would

be easier, that's not the type that's not loving. Civen. Why's decision

making? Why is decision making gathers information to make the best decision right,

well, wise and loving leadership would gather information from your wife and lovingly consider

her perspective before making what you believe is the best decision for your family.

I'm going to say that again because I said it really fast. Wise and

loving leadership would gather information from your wife and lovingly consider her perspective before making

what you believe is the best decision for your family. Loving headship, you

still are held was accountable for leading and making the decision. And also,

wives, us husbands are not going to nail it every time, so please

give us grace as you lovingly submit to our not so perfect headship. Sometimes,

but Jesus laid down his life for the church, and husbands are commanded

to do the same things for the same thing for their wives. Sacrificial loving,

sacrificially love our wives and our children and shepherd them to Jesus. And

I just wrote teach your wife and children how to follow and obey the Lord.

I just do that. Shepherd your children, your families. And the

last truth I want to mention is this, God holds everyone accountable to what

he has commanded them to do. God holds everyone accountable to what he has

commanded them to do. He holds the husband's accountable for the family because he

left them in charge. He's like, you're in charge of the family.

I'm holding you accountable for headship. He holds the wives accountable for their submission

to their husbands. When we die and we stand before God, he's gonna

look at me, as the husband, and say, how did you do

at leading your family? How did you do it loving your wife. He's

not gonna look at my wife. He's gonna look at her and say,

how did you do it? Submit to your husband and everything. That's what

he's gonna hold us accountable for. And that should bring a little bit of

relief and also a little and raise the bar on how serious we take it.

It's gonna look at me and say, Greg, how did you do

at loving your wife? And I'm gonna say, dang it, probably should

have done it better. We all have growth areas. None of us nailed

it right. We're all gonna keep getting better. We will all be held

accountable for God has specifically, specifically commanded us to do. And I just

want to answer one question before you ask him. God hold everyone accountable to

what he has commanded them to do. And it's not too late to start

here. It's not too late to start now. Just start. Just do

it. Choose to walk in obedience to the Lord now, and you're not

going to get it right one hundred percent of a time, Just like everything

in our rest in our Christian walk. Now it's repent and get right back

on track. We fall, we scrape our kneede, we put a band

aid on it, We get up and we keep going. There's just this

continual part of our Christian walk. We repent. You know what repent means.

It means we're going in one direction. Repent to stop, turn around

and go the other direction. We were heading towards sin. Stop, turn

around and head in the right direction. And I love I don't remember who

said this, but I said, if everyone is walking the wrong direction,

the first who turns is most progressive, meaning you're in first place. Why

because you're the only one going in the right direction. Doesn't matter how long

you've been walking in the wrong way. Stop, turn, repent, and

walk in the right direction. Follow the command of God. You can start

now. You can fix your marriage. Your good marriage can be a great

marriage that can happen. You can begin shepherding and decipe on your kids and

what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Just start reading your Bible

with them and talk about it. My wife has nailing that. And then

I was like, oh man, I'm supposed to be doing that. So

then we started. I bought my youngest the Bible. He can finally read

like pretty good, and I got really excited about him. I was like,

all right, we're gonna buy you a like a real Bible. Now

I'm gonna start reading it with you. And so, dude, there's there's

few things that are more fulfilling than that. I'm just gonna throw that out

there. It is incredible. What if I don't have kids, find some

spiritual children do with them. This isn't and this is the This is just

the first family, right, that's your first neighbor as your family. We

continue to do this beyond that. And that's not just for the men.

This for the women as well. Find someone and sit down just read the

Bible with them. Also, if you aren't married yet, you still have

time to focus solely on the things of God before you find your spouse,

or before your spouse finds you. Bible says a man who finds a wife

finds a good thing. They're looking. I got snickers on the front row.

Also, if you have times in your past where you have become one

flesh with others, you can make the decision now to walk in obedience just

a side. Now keep sex within the confines of the lifelong covenant of marriage.

That's the way God designed it to work. Best to work at all,

not just best to work. God has a plan for your home.

His plan is how everything works, because how we designed it to work.

Husbands, love your wives. Wives submit your husbands, and children obey your

parents. Can I get an amen on that last one? Aymen? All

right? Can you guys stand your feet please. We're gonna have some elders

on the sides ready to pray for you for anything you have need of.

And we talked about a lot of stuff today. I mean, there's all

into the umbrella of marriage and families, but it's sometimes some heavy stuff and

there's lots of We all have different paths. So I just want you to

know that all of us elders are available to pray for you, to talk

about whatever you need. We would love to do that. That's part of

what it means to be a brother and sister in Christ, and that's what

we want to do to help you, not to help you, we want

to grow with you. And plus, I mean, we don't have all

the answers, but God does, so we'll figure it out together. But

if you but like going through today all the scripture, if it's bringing up

some feelings or some thoughts, come talk to us. We'd love to talk

with you and pray with you. We have connect cards. If you're feeling

a little bit uncomfortable coming up and getting prayer on the back says need prayer

or have question, you can write that on there drop it in the giving

bot. Also, if you can't prepare to give, you can drop your

giving stuff in the box too, But you can write your prayer requests on

here, and then our elder team, our leaders, leadership team, and

all the community groups we'll be praying for it. If you're like I don't

want everyone to know it and I want to be private, just write it

keep it private, please, or just write a note on there to let

us know and we'll only have the elders pray for those prayer requests if you

want to keep in private, but don't don't miss out on that. Like

the reason we believe in prayers because we believe the one we're praying too,

Like God is the creator of all things, so nothing is outside his control.

He's the one we should go to. So and it doesn't matter what

it is. We definitely want to be praying for him. We're gonna sing

a song and worship. I'm gonna pray, then we're gonna sing, and

then we're gonna fellowship before we get out of here. Sound good. God,

we thank you for today. God. We thank you for the marriages

that are here today and represented here today. God we pray for the future

marriages that will be to come. God, we pray that you are just

the soul center focus of all of our lives and our marriages. That we

realize the more that we chase after you and the closer we get to you,

the close and our spouse is doing the same thing. We're all getting

closer to each other. Got to pray that, as our hearts have been

convicted today, that you let us feel the conviction, but help us walk

confidently in obedience to you. That as you've called us to be godly husbands

and godly wives and a godly marriage, that we just chase after you.

We want to please you and do things the way you want them done because

you're a lord, and the cherry on top is that makes our marriage awesome.

So God, I pray that you can need to draw us to yourself,

that you give us a desire and a hunger to be righteous, to

be in right standing with you, to live according to your word, and

give us a hunger to read it to like Psalm one nineteen eleven says,

I've hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.

That we just consume your word our spiritual food, knowing that we our spirit

is starving without it. That we consume it, and we just bring it

into our heart and under pressure, what comes out of our heart your word

obedience, and God remind us that as we miss it, that you're waiting

there with open arms for those who put faith in Jesus all of our sins,

past, present and future and forgiven, and that we go when we

sin no more. Our desire is to follow and obey your commands. So

God have to help us do it with joy and with confidence. We're thinking

for all this and Jesus name, everybody said Amen,