Special Service: The Two Pillars of a Healthy Family | Pastor Pablo Morales

Welcome to ECB's weekly sermon podcast. ECB is

an international church in Bangkok, Thailand,

with dozens of nationalities worshipping together.

We invite you to connect with us from wherever

you are through our website ecb .asia or our

mobile app. And now we pray that you are blessed

by this week's sermon. As you know, these past

weeks we have been doing a study. series of study

called Spiritual Lessons from Our Walk with God.

And today we're taking a pause from that series

so that we can focus on this time of celebrating

our families and this time of family dedication.

So it's going to be a reflection on our family

ministry as people that follow the Lord. But

before we do that, would you please join me as

I pray? Lord, it is a gift that you have given

us today and we rejoice. We are excited. We know

the calling ahead is a big calling. So we ask

that as you lead our families, you will strengthen

us. And today as we study your word, help us

see, understand, and give me insights. Lord,

use me in the power of your spirit and in your

grace. I pray in Jesus' name. Amen. In the book

of Psalms, there is a verse that says something

very concise and very precise. I'm going to ask

you to read it aloud with me because this is

a foundational concept for those of us who follow

Jesus. The word of God says, read it together.

Children are a gift from the Lord. They are a

reward from him. Even though it's very short

and precise, this very verse sets Christianity

apart from any other worldview. Because historically,

it has not been true that all people think of

children as a gift from God. There was a young

adult from Scotland, Mary Slessor. She felt called

by God to go and start sharing the gospel with

people in a place called Calabar in Africa. And

as she arrived to that place, she started noticing

a very unique practice that they had in that

area. They thought that twin babies were accursed.

So therefore, whenever twin babies were born,

they were abandoned in the jungle to die or to

be eaten by animals. As a follower of Jesus,

she discovered that practice and she immediately

was moved to start rescuing those children so

that they would have an opportunity for life.

Even though she did not go to Calabar with the

intent of starting a children's home, her Christian

response in following Jesus, in seeing what was

happening, gave birth to this children's home

that she started. But it was her influence in

that area. That eventually turned that practice

completely out of that culture. And it became

something that was illegal. And it was not just

her as a Christian that experienced that when

she went to Africa. Christians that were working

among the Greeks discovered something similar.

There was a time in which any baby that was born

with any deformation was killed. Because for

their culture, the shape, the look was very important.

So any deformed baby was considered unfit to

live. And therefore he was killed. And it was

Christians who started rescuing some of these

children and starting again children's homes.

Even though that was not the intent from the

beginning. And as you go back in the scriptures,

you realize that this practice. of discarding

children or seeing them as defective or seeing

them as something that needed to be removed from

society. It was something that was found in the

Mesopotamian cultures. In the land of Canaan,

there was the practice of children's sacrifice.

And God tells the nation of Israel in the Old

Testament, you will not sacrifice your children

to the fire, to Molech. And sadly, Israel ended

up doing the same practices that the nations

around them were doing. When we read an ancient

text written thousands of years ago from God

saying children are a gift from the Lord, they

are a reward from him, it's completely revolutionary.

And therefore, as followers of Jesus, we believe

That children, no matter how they were conceived,

what were their circumstances of their birth,

who are the parents, what are the physical health

or lack of health, what are the levels of skills

or lack of skills, no matter what are all of

these different factors that separate one child

from another, all children are created in God's

image. And therefore, They deserve not only to

live, but to grow and to become people that know

about God and his love. This is a core conviction

for us as followers of Jesus. God is the giver

of life, and that's why life for us is something

that is not only sacred, but it's something that

we celebrate, as you have been able to see today.

That is why in the Old Testament when God starts

the nation of Israel and he starts giving them

a legal code for the nation so that they can

be different from the other nations around them,

he is going to touch on the two pillars that

he wants them to have in order to have healthy

families because the family unit was the... core

foundation of the entire nation. And if that

unit became unhealthy, then the nation would

become unhealthy. And so it did. These two pillars

were not respected. They became completely ignored.

And then the nation was destroyed and eventually

was restored. But what is interesting is that

early in the history of the nation, they received

the law at the beginning from Moses, all the

generation that left from Egypt, then they die

in the desert because of their disobedience to

God. And a new generation was born throughout

those 40 years. And as they prepare to enter

the land of Canaan, there is a book that is written

during that time. to train this new generation

before they enter the land of Canaan. Do you

know what that book is? It's called Deuteronomy.

It's the last of the five books of Moses. It's

called the second law because it was a form of

repetition of what had been given before, but

in order to train this new generation so that

they were able to really do it right and build

it properly. And it's in there that we find the

pillars that we're going to be studying today.

But before we enter into reading this, I just

have to tell you that my own journey in parenting

is something that God has brought me through.

And I'll show you a couple of pictures in a moment.

But in this journey of following the Lord as

a parent, I'm reading what we're about to read

in Deuteronomy. what you realize is that God's

desire for the family is to be a place of health

that is going to impact not only the life of

that family, but the generations after. And that's

why the pillars that he's going to give them

are going to be so important because they have

repercussions for generations to come. And if

I am going to be a follower of Jesus that wants

to have that... in generation after generation,

I need to pay attention to those pillars. Because

the sad truth is that families in general are

in crisis. And so was in the time of the nation

of Israel. The generation that read this Deuteronomy

at the beginning was a generation that eventually

failed to fulfill these things. I was 29 years

old when I became a father, and I have this picture

to prove it. My wife Sarah is there with me,

and that is Alex. One of the things that we discovered

once you have a baby for the first time is that

babies come with no manual, and also with no

return receipt. So once you're in it, you're

in it. And it's a new season of life. Later,

as the Lord blessed us with more children, all

of our kids were made and born in Texas. So we

had our children at Baylor Hospital. And for

the last two, which is Max and Lucy, they would

give us this. You see that? Yeah, so I will wear

that in the hospital and then they will do the

little footprints. And these are Lucy's footprints.

Where is Lucy? There. That's how little your

feet wear. And I know this is yours because the

other one has bigger, you know, feet. That's

Max. But we have these beautiful memories of

those years. And God blessed us with... Not only

Mac, Alex, then with Sophia, then with Max, and

then with Lucy. And as you may know, Sophia went

to be with the Lord. And now you fast forward

and our kids are older. Alex is 22. He's in college

in the U .S. And then Max and Lucy are with us.

And all this journey of parenting is an ongoing

journey of learning. And learning and learning.

And there's so much that can be said about these

things. But I really want us to understand. What

the Lord says about these two pillars. And to

start we will look at the section of Deuteronomy.

Right there on chapter 5 and then chapter 11.

The first thing that God says to the nation.

your father and your mother, as the Lord your

God commanded you. Then you will live a long,

full life in the land the Lord your God has given

you. God is not addressing the children first.

He's addressing the, I mean, not addressing the

parents first, but addressing the children first.

And he's telling the children of all ages, you

have a father and you have a mother. And your

responsibility is to honor them. And to honor

means that you need to treat them with the proper

respect because they are your parents. Without

them, you will not be alive. So you have to be

grateful that you are alive and that you have

parents that gave you life. And the only proper

way of treating them is with honor. If you honor

your father and your mother, Then, that's a foundation

for your life. You will live a long, full life

in the land the Lord your God has given you.

And then, he addresses also the parents. And

to the parents, he says, so commit yourselves

wholeheartedly to these words of mine. Tie them

to your hands, wear them on your foreheads as

reminders. Make sure that you know my word, that

that is in you, that you know it, that that is

permeating your life because you have a job to

do. Teach them to your children. When? When you

go to church on Sundays. No. It says, Teach these

words to your children. Talk about them when

you are at home. And talk about them when you

are on the road. And talk about them when you

are going to bed. And talk about them when you

are getting up. Write them on the door posts

of your house. And on your gates. So that as

long as the sky remains above the earth. You

and your children. May flourish in the land the

Lord sought to give your ancestors. Once again.

He's giving this pillar. Because he says. If

you have this pillar. It's going to support your

family. Your nation. Your society. In order to

have stability. And you will be able to flourish.

Not just you. But the generations after you.

God was interested. And a multi -generational

consistent impact in which one generation is

building on the other, building on the other,

because they have the two pillars. Honor being

the first one of them. One of the mistakes that

many people make is to believe that honor is

based on performance. Because that is how we

honor pretty much anybody else. You do a good

job, you get a good position, then you are treated

with respect because you earned it. So we only

honor our parents, this person thinks, if they

are good parents. if they are not good parents,

then they do not deserve that I treat them with

respect because they did not earn it. Even though

that way of thinking may make sense, that is

not what God desires nor what God designed. From

God's perspective, the responsibility of the

child to honor the parents Is regardless of performance.

And is based on position. It is because it is

my parent. That I need to respect them. I do

not need to agree with them. I do not need to

endorse what they are saying or doing. But I

need to respect them. Treat them with honor.

And I understand. That for some of you, as you

hear this immediately, it makes you uncomfortable.

You want to make an appointment with me to tell

me, yeah, how about my case? What would you do

in my case? I'm not here to analyze your case.

Because that's not my role. But I'm here to tell

you that to honor your parents is God's desire

for your life. And I understand that it's very

easy to honor your parents when they are good

parents. And it's very hard to do when they are

not. Jamie had that experience. Her father was

a terrible father. The only thing she wanted

to do was to become old enough so that she could

leave the home. So she did. She just didn't have

to do anything with her parents. The only thing

is that You may dislike your friends and stop

being friends. But you dislike your parents,

they're always your parents. And you're always

their child. That doesn't change. So for Jamie,

as she started just walking away from her parents

and trying to keep that distant, eventually she

became a Christian. And she understood that there

was health. In setting boundaries with her family.

Because it was toxic. It was a toxic relationship.

So she needed to set certain boundaries in order

to know how to relate, when not to relate. But

to honor her parents was definitely out of the

question. Then she got married. And as her family

now was following the Lord. something started

happening. Dad became older and he became sicker

and he needed someone to take care of him. And

that was the last thing that Jamie wanted to

do because he did not deserve a minute of it.

But as they started following the Lord and God

started working in their heart as a family, they

started feeling convicted. Not just convicted,

but compelled. That the reason why she needed

to open her home and start taking care of her

father, even though he didn't deserve it according

to how he performed as a father, it was because

precisely he didn't deserve it. And therefore,

by treating him with respect at that old age,

she was going to be a channel of God's grace.

She was going to not be just a recipient of God's

grace, but now in taking care of this father

that didn't deserve any of this according to

his performance. So she did. And it was hard

at the beginning. But because this was something

that was done out of a love for God, and out

of an understanding of this calling as a child,

that she started embracing him more and more

with her husband. And as they reflect later after

the father passed away, those years were the

hardest, but were the best time of her relationship

with her father. And things changed. The first

thing that changed was her heart. Could it be

that God is asking you to honor your parents

even though it's a hard thing to do because in

it, You are going to experience a whole different

level of what grace of God is. And once you are

younger, if you are a teenager here, I would

like to remind you of something. If you are a

follower of Jesus, that parent needs to hear

from you honor. Respect. Because in honoring

your father, honoring your mother, you are honoring

God. So I know that when we are teenagers, we

think we know better and we can get an answer

for everything. We can get also a little bit

moody or we don't always speak with respect.

You can do that if you desire. But that is not

honoring God. So following Jesus means that the

calling as a child in honoring our parents at

all ages is part of what it means to honor God.

But then the second part of this calling, the

second pillar was to the parents. For the parents

was a call to model God's love and God's grace

to the children. They needed to know God, his

word. And in knowing his word and living it,

they were going to show the children God's love

and what it means to be loved by God. So that

that child can start growing into an adult that

will know God and that will love God and that

will serve God as a result. And that's why. The

command to, you need to talk about me, you know.

You're at home, talk about me. You're getting

ready for bed, talk about me. When you're getting

up, talk about me. You're on the road, talk about

me. Talk about me all the time. Because I need

to make sure that those children are going to

really understand who I am and who they are.

But in this journey of parenting, there are common

mistakes that we make. that keep us from fulfilling

that role well. And I've seen it both in my life

and in the life of other people. One of those

is a common mistake that people make. They try

to parent from a neutral perspective. Sometimes

you hear children say, yeah, my parents didn't

teach me much about God or anything because they

wanted me to develop my own convictions. And

that parent is thinking, yeah, I'm not going

to be the one talking to you about God all the

time because I'm going to let you figure that

out. That may sound right, but it is a mistake.

Because if I am not the primary voice that is

influencing their convictions with truth, someone

else is going to start influencing their convictions.

With not truth. With something else. And there

is plenty of people. And groups of people. That

have the desire. To take that role of influence.

Of the life of your child. I cannot. Fulfill

this calling. From a place of neutrality. I have

to be engaged. First in knowing the word. Walking

with God. So that the love of God can flow through

me. Into their lives. And we talk about it. And

we share the convictions. And we shape their

hearts. And we shape their minds. Because that

is what God said. The other mistake is the mistake

of thinking of the child as a burden. Do you

remember when you found out you were pregnant?

How did it feel? Was it a joy? Or was it like,

oh no. What am I going to do now with my career?

You see, because we live in a career -oriented

society, it can easily be felt and it can easily

be communicated to the child that the child is

a burden. You are not an obstacle to my career

goals. And that is a mistake. And I want to tell

you why. Career is all good. But your career

is not eternal. Hopefully it will end when you

retire. Or you get fired before that. I don't

know what's going to happen first. But your career

is not eternal. Your child? Oh. Your child. Has

a soul. Your child is a spiritual being. Created

in God's image and his likeness. And even after

death. That life will continue. And one day.

The word of God says that at the end of times.

When the final judgment comes. And we're going

to stand before God. We who are followers of

Jesus will experience the resurrection. We will

reign with Christ. We will serve God forever

and ever. The fact that this child needs to know

God has eternal implications. And that's why

this child is a gift of God. And everything I'm

investing in them, I know I may not see it today,

but I know that it's going to have eternal impact

beyond my lifetime. So no, my children are not

a burden. They're a gift of God. The other mistake

is the thinking that my child is my property.

Look. I conceive you. I give birth to you. I

am paying for your bills. I am paying for your

education. I am providing the home for you. Whatever

it may be. By the way, I didn't give birth to

them. My wife did. Just to be clear. And they

start controlling that child as if they owned

that person. And they are so controlling that

that poor child lives in a suffocating environment.

They treat the child like the pet. The pet I

own, I'm the master. And they think that they

are the master of the child. You're not the master

of your child. You are the parent of your child.

The only Lord of that child is God. And therefore,

when we start treating the child as property

and we think that we are the Lord over the life

of that child, what is going to be clogged is

that being a channel of God's grace, communicating

God's love to that child is not going to be communicated.

Because you're not acting like a parent, you're

acting like a boss. And there's a difference.

And the other common mistake that I've experienced

and I've seen is to turn your child into a project.

What do I mean by that? Listen, we all have good

desires for our kids. We want them to grow to

be stable people with good education, a good

career so they can have financial stability and

prosper. We want them to have a good life. We

don't want them to make poor decisions. We want

them to be protected from harm. We have good

intentions for that. Anything wrong with it?

No, right? That's great. But what starts happening

inadvertently is that because we have a picture

of what that future should be, we start making

this child think and feel like they are not good

enough. We're constantly pushing them. You have

to get better grades. You have to do better.

You have to go to this school. If you don't go

to this school, you're not going to have a future.

And it keeps going on and on and on. And the

child feels like it's a project and never good

enough. Especially when they didn't get to the

school that I wanted for them. Then I'm disappointed

on your performance. And I want to let you know.

And you did not choose the career I thought you

should. And now look, you're not making as much

money as you would have if you would have listened.

So I am very disappointed on you. And that child

is not a kid anymore. He's in his 40s and his

50s. And still feeling I'm not good enough. Why?

Because that child was always treated as a project.

Children are not a project. And my vision for

their lives is not the goal. God's vision for

their life is. And my job is to ensure that they

know God, that they encounter His love, that

they understand that God created them, that He

is going to lead them, even in their... Poor

decisions, even in decisions that bring harm,

God has the power to redeem their stories. And

therefore, it is the pursuit of God's vision

for them that we need to encourage them to pursue.

And if that vision matches mine, great. If it's

better than mine, great. If it doesn't meet my

expectations, great. Because what I desire more

is that those children live for God rather than

live to please me, a mere mortal. These four

common mistakes are going to harm the relationships

with our children. They're going to harm the

dynamics of the home. And just as a child can

have... Parents that are toxic, our way of parenting

can become toxic and create an environment in

our families that is not godly. Because the reality

is, is that God is not the center. I am. My plans.

My vision. Instead of falling for these mistakes,

for these traps, What God wants the people to

understand is that you are going to model good

parenting to the children if you give them God's

worldview. First is that that child is a gift.

So you need to let them know that they're a gift

from God, and we will speak that all the time.

They need to hear that they are loved, that it

is a blessing to have them, even. If at moments

it's inconvenient because now it costs you more,

now you have to change plants, et cetera, et

cetera. That does not change the fact that they're

a gift from God. And not only that, but they

are also loved by God and therefore loved by

me. And those children, As they start experiencing

God's love, we'll start understanding that the

way to respond to that love is by loving God

back. I remember that space of growing as a father,

you know, with the young children with good desires

for their success. And it soon starts sounding

like this. You know, you need to be diligent

because if you're not, Learn to be diligent.

You know, people will want to hire you. And if

you don't keep a job, how are you going to provide

for your family? Does it sound familiar? And

the poor kid, you know, you are changing his

diapers. It's like the kid is still growing up,

you know. But in those moments, we really want

them to grow, to be diligent and responsible.

And when we see that, they're not doing it. It's

like, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, nyeh, and

we start, right? And we swear we're doing a great

job. We're telling them the truth. But when I

heard myself speaking like that one time, I spoke

like that many times, but when I heard myself

that time, I realized, wait, that's not right.

I don't, that's not the motivation I want. Be

diligent so you can have a job so no one will

fire you. That's not God's worldview. And that's

when I realized it was all wrong. God says that

everything we do, we do for him. And you need

to learn to be diligent and do these things for

the Lord. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

So when are you going to learn to do things for

God? Now or when you're an adult? Well, now.

That's why we do these things with excellence

and dedication because we're doing them for the

Lord. When the child understands that they are

loved by God, And that is the whole thing that

frames everything. Suddenly the message, the

tone starts changing. And it's something that

we have to learn because our natural desire is

to be much more preachy. And we have to struggle

with that. But also they want to understand that

they are not a project that if I'm disappointed

with, I'll abandon and walk away from. They are

a gift from God, loved by God, and therefore

loved by me. And I will walk with them until

my last breath. Because I'm not here to ensure

that my vision is fulfilled. I'm just here to

provide the support that is needed for them to

fulfill God's vision for their lives. And that,

Changes many things. Because you are present,

even in the pain, even when you are hurt by decisions,

you know that your call is to be present because

your call is to be a channel of God's grace into

that life. And that flows and recharges you and

it flows and it moves in that direction. Parenting.

It's a journey that God has called us to pursue.

And he told us what we need to do about it. And

it's something that will continue to grow as

we move forward. But at every stage, as the kids

grow older and older and older, the calling remains

the same. Are you modeling God's love and his

grace to that child? So I wonder, is there anything

that is holding you back or is clogging you from

communicating God's love and grace to the child

that God entrusted you with? And if you realize

that you have turned your child into a project,

could it be that today is a time to ask God,

God, would you help me reframe? I want... To

make sure, Lord, that my children come to know

you and love you and serve you. That's what I

desire the most. This is the time for us to reframe.

Because if those two pillars are not there, it's

time we build them. Because God's desire for

us is that we build these pillars into our homes

so that the generation after and after and after

will continue to be impacted by it. I would like

to conclude this study by giving you just a recommendation

on some resources. One of them is from a lady,

her name is Karen Purvis. She is with the Lord

now. She died a few years ago. But she was the

director of the Institute of Child Development

at TCU in Texas. And she was one of a kind. Her

research, what they were able to develop, was

very helpful and influential. And I know that

not many people know about this. That's why I

want to share this with you. Karen Purvis specialized

on understanding the development of the child.

the brain development, and the impact in relationships

with parents. And because of that understanding,

she developed this program called Empower to

Connect, and then a more formal program called

TBRI. This is something that is going to give

you understanding of how to improve the emotional

connection with the children. And even though

it was designed for families that are under the

stress of having adopted children that come from

hard places, the principles that were discovered

were universal. Empower to connect, TBRI. You

can listen to the podcast, you can go to YouTube,

find their videos, good stuff. So if you're in

a place where you say, Pastor Paulo, I need all

the help I can get from my parenting skills,

go for it. And the second one is focus on the

family. Focus on the family is a ministry in

the U .S. that is an international ministry.

They have the website, focusonthefamily .org.

They have YouTube videos. You can go and find

their channel there. They have podcasts. But

they have a whole collection of topics, anything

family related. You are a child with a difficult

parent, you'll find something there. Your parents

are aging and they have Alzheimer's and you have

new challenges. You will find something there.

You have a difficult child that is just hard

to guide. You will find something there. Focus

on the family is an amazing resource that you

can go for. So these two resources I want to

leave you with just to help you be equipped in

the journey of building godly families that God

has given us. As we come before the Lord, if

you realize that you have not been honoring your

parents like God wants you to, and perhaps you

don't understand even how to do it because your

case is so complex, tell the Lord now. Invite

him to guide you. If you're a parent and you

realize that you have not been channeling God's

grace into the life of your children, now is

the time. Lord, we come to you humbled by the

gift, humbled by the calling, but also humbled

because we acknowledge this is beyond us. We

need so much wisdom at every turn, but thank

you. Because even though babies may not come

with manuals, you did not leave us without instruction.

And you did tell us, these are the pillars that

I want you to build. And Lord, help us build

them. And we consecrate our homes, our children

to you, Lord. And we ask you that you will encounter

them in their journey so that they will come

to know you, love you, serve you with their lives

in any area of career that you are calling them

to pursue. Their giftedness comes from you. And

we believe that you will guide them, that you

will provide for them, that they will be okay

because they are in your hands. So Lord, thank

you for your word. Empower us in this calling.

We pray in the powerful name of Jesus. Amen.

Thank you for tuning in to the ECB Sermon Podcast.

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And remember to join us next week. God bless

you.