Avoiding the Victim Trap (Rock Springs UMC)

I said last week that this week is going to be APG 13 sermon and

it is. Two weeks ago when I did.

APG 13 sermon. It was a chapter from the Bible

that would have fit. Well within the Game of Thrones

universe chapter. 38 of Genesis, which I'm reading portion of

here today would fit well within Bridgerton or or maybe the

Hunting Wives and you'll see. Why in just a moment, but I'm.

Going to read a portion of the chapter.

I'm going to tell the whole story, but I'm going to start

with just reading a portion of the chapter when Tamar was told

your father-in-law is on his way.

To Temna to. Shear his sheep.

She took off her widow's clothes, covered herself with a

veil to disguise herself. And then sat.

Down at the entrance. Of Anayam.

Which is on the. Road to Temna.

For she saw that though, Shayla had.

Now grown up, she had not been given to him as his wife when

Judah. Saw her, he thought she was a

prostitute, for she had covered her face, not realizing.

That she was his daughter-in-law.

He went over to her by the roadside and said come now, let

me sleep. With you and what will you give?

Me to sleep with you? She asked.

I'll send. You a young goat.

For my flock, he said. Will you give me something as a

pledge? Until you send it.

She asked. He said.

What pledge should I give you? Your seal and its.

Cord and the staff. In your hand, she answered.

So we gave them to her and slept with her and she became pregnant

by him. After she left, she took off

her. Veil and put on her.

Widow's clothes. Again, may the.

Lord, add His blessing to the reading.

And hearing. Of his word.

As we continue to. Explore and wonder about how we

can be faithful and a system stacked against us.

We're going to look at this story of Tamar today.

And and I it's. AI said.

This morning at a. Chester, I said I feel like the

story gets neglected, which is self criticism as much as

anything else, because I feel like I've neglected this story

over the years. And and my teaching and in my

preaching. And I I believe.

That there might be no. Chapter in the Bible that really

gets to the heart of this being. Faithful.

In the system stacked against you better than chapter 38.

Of Genesis, the story of Tamar. Tamar was a young woman.

Who was married initially to the oldest?

Son of Judah. Judah.

One of the sons. Of.

Jacob and Jacob had three sons, and he.

Got a wife? Marriages were arranged.

In those days. He got a wife for his oldest

son. Her name was.

Tamar. And then we are told in the

Scripture, and I'm going to read a couple of verses just verbatim

because I think it's important to get the exact language on

some of these. Jodah's oldest son was ER, but

it said Judah's first born was wicked in the Lord's sight, so

the Lord. Put him to death.

One dead person so far. This is why Tamar's wearing

widow's clothing. In the.

Portion that we read or at least part of why now the custom and

the. Tradition at that time.

Was that if if an older if a brother was married and died

before he had fathered any children with his wife, his

wife? Would then be given.

In marriage to the next oldest brother.

And that. Brother would have a child by

that wife, and that child would be the dead.

Brother's child would be by. Law and custom considered.

The dead brother's child. And that did a couple of things.

It carried on the dead. Brother's Line.

And it also provided. Care and protection for.

The wife, so she would have. Someone to.

Care for her and protect her household, which would provide

for her through her old, old age up to death.

And so that's what Judah did. Judah gave.

Tamar to his second son. To be his wife also.

And this is what the Bible says. Well, I'm not going to read this

part because it. Would make it.

More of an R rated. Sermon.

There are some. Passages of the Bible you

cannot. Read in Sunday morning worship

and this is one of. Them I will tell it to you.

And make it more PG13. So the second son and I got to

look, I get. Onan.

Was his name Onan. And maybe it was.

Part of Err's wickedness, but Onan did not care much for Err.

Onan had no interest in. Providing a child for err for

his line. To be continued.

But Onan apparently liked Tamar. Because he took his pleasure of.

Tamar, and shall we? Say.

He finished on the ground. So that Tamar could not get.

Pregnant, so Onan was getting what he wanted.

Out of this relationship. But giving not at all what Tamar

needed. Out of this relationship, this

part I will read you because the Bible says what he did was

wicked in the Lord's sight, so the Lord put him to death also

it's important. To note at this point in the

story. This brilliant storytelling.

Going on here within. This chapter 38 says it's a

relatively short chapter, but. It's some amazing.

Storytelling. Because by the end of this

story, you. Might wonder whether God.

Is soft on. Sin.

Or whether whether you know that God is not soft on sin.

God has himself directly killed two men because they did wicked.

Things in his. Sight God in chapter 38 of

Genesis. Might might be working really

hard not to get fired today be. Able to describe God as a mess

around and find out God OK because.

ER and Onan messed. Around and they found out that

God. Does not play these games and he

killed them. Judah, their father apparently

had some rose colored glasses toward his sons, couldn't

imagine anything they could have done wrong to deserve death.

He decide they died because of Tamar.

She's a Black Widow. I can't give her to my. 3rd and

final son. Shayla, he might die.

Too. So he cooked up a very simple

plan. And he told Tamar, hey, Shayla's

too young to marry you go. Back live with your folks.

And when Shayla grows? Up.

I'll bring you back to my household.

And you? Can be his wife.

He had no intention of bringing her.

Back and Tamar sorted this out because years after Shayla grew

up and. Became of marrying age.

She was still living in her. Parents house and Judah had not

sent for her so Tamar had a choice at this point.

She could curl up in a ball. And play the victim and say woe

is me. Life isn't fair.

Life is so bad. Life is so awful.

There's nothing I can do. She could have done that.

She could have spent the rest of her life.

Lamenting at how unfair life was.

But she didn't do that. Tamar came up with a plan of her

own. So Judah's wife died.

So he's no longer married. And he's, he's, he's got one,

he's only got one son left. That son is adult age now.

And Judah's like, all right. I'm going to get out of the

house now for a little bit instead of staying home.

I'm going to go out and help with the flocks.

I'm going to get out and get my hands dirty again and do some

work out in the fields and out with the flocks.

So he's traveling around to fly. He's got lots of flocks.

They're spread out. And as he's going out, Tamar

hears about this. She knows Sheila is old.

Enough to be married, but she's not been brought in to marry him

and. She knows that Judah's coming

through. She knows that his wife has

died. And so Tamar takes off her

morning clothes and puts on a veil.

She dresses like a. Prostitute and she.

Goes to the gate of the city. Where she knows Judah.

'S going to be. Passing by and she knows her

father-in-law well, apparently. Because Judah sees.

A prostitute standing beside. The side of the.

Road and he. Goes up to her with the most

suave, sophisticated and debonair.

Of pickup lines. Hey, come sleep with me.

And she says, hey. How much you going to pay me?

Judas says. I'll give you a young goat.

Full disclosure, I got no idea whether that's a good.

Price or not, No. Idea young goat.

But he doesn't have his goat with him.

He's on his way out to where his flocks are, she says.

What, you need to give me something as a pledge that I can

hold on to till you get the goat to me.

He says what? Do you want so I'll take your

signet. Ring and your staff.

It's kind of like his his driver's license and his spare

set of car. Keys the stuff.

That would clearly identify him as him, who he was.

So he does that, they do the. Thing he leaves.

To go on his way, she takes off the veil, puts back on her

widow's. Clothes and goes home having

been impregnated. By her father-in-law, Judah,

because he's a stand up guy. It's like I got to pay the

prostitute. So he tells one of his servants,

hey, take a young goat, find the prostitute near the city, give

her the goat. No problem, boss.

He takes the goat. He goes to the city, says I'm

looking for the prostitute that hangs out here.

And they're like there is no. Prostitute that hangs out here.

So so just servants walking around looking for a prostitute

with a goat. I got a goat.

I'm looking for a prostitute, my boss.

Needs to pay. His prostitute wears it.

And they can't. Find it finally, Judas says.

We are looking like idiots here, all right?

We're not going to go around looking for the prostitute and

carrying a goat anymore. And so he.

Decides to just. Forget the whole thing.

He did his best to pay his his debt.

Three months later, everyone knows.

Tamar's pregnant because that's how being pregnant works.

And word gets back to Judah. Someone must have seen Tamar

dress up. To go out.

And do what she. Did and the word gets back to

Judah. Tamar's pregnant.

She's been prostituting herself and so Judah, bring her here.

We're going to burn her to death.

Once again, that escalated. Quickly.

Death penalty. For her, she effectively.

Committed adultery. Because she's effectively

betrothed. To his son, even though Judah

had no intention of marrying her.

To his son. And now this is just a.

Convenient way to get. Rid of her so he can marry his

son to someone else without anyone.

You know. Casting aspersions upon him.

So he says, bring her here, we're going to kill.

Her. Burn her alive.

She's on her way. There, and she sends a message.

Ahead to Judah, it's a package. Judah opens up the package.

And inside is a note. That says the person.

Who made me pregnant is the one who gave me these.

And it's his driver's license and his car keys.

And he's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, And he knows.

He knows. And then Judah does something

extraordinary. Judah says, you know what?

She's more righteous than I am. She's more righteous than I am

because I did not provide. And care for her.

The way the covenant required. I left her exposed.

And vulnerable. And so without saying that, what

she did was not problematic. He said what she did.

Clearly was not as bad as what I did.

She is more righteous than I am. And so Judah brings Tamar into

his household. The Bible tells us very clearly.

He never sleeps with her again, but he brings her into his.

Household. And she has her babies, twins.

She's caring there in his household.

And she is. Provided for and has the.

Protection and care of Judah's household and then of her own

sons after Judah dies. Two sons.

She. Bore one of them named Perez.

The oldest was named Perez, and that's important.

We'll get to that. In a minute.

So here's here's Tamar, vulnerable and victimized.

She's got little to no. Power in that culture, in that

time and in that. Place she's being treated.

Unjustly, unfairly and badly. By her father-in-law.

Who won't let who? Won't provide for her a husband

and a child so that she. Can have safety and security

into her old age. Instead leaves her alone and

childless and defenseless. Who could have made victimhood

her? Identity.

But she didn't. She did not let victimhood

define her instead. She used the.

Agency and the. Power that she had to make her

situation better as she could she did what she could with what

she. Had she made a decision not to

be a victim? But to use what little power,

influence and resources she had to find justice for herself.

Now it is. Possible to sit back?

And call Tamar's actions immoral.

To play the morality police and call Tamar's actions immoral.

That's what Judah did at first. Call her actions.

Immoral said she needs. To die for that but.

But we need to. Look at what the.

Scripture is inviting us to see, we need to look at Tamar in the

way that Scripture is inviting us to look at Tamar.

And this is what Scripture? Is doing for us.

Judah affirmed Tamar rather than condemning her.

Let's read. That verse again.

Judah recognized them. That is the staff.

In the ring and said. She is more righteous.

Than I. Since I wouldn't.

Give her to my son. Shayla, I had a responsibility

to her as her father-in-law. I had a covenantal

responsibility to guard her, protect her, care for her,

provide her by providing. Her with a son.

To be her husband. And a place in my household.

And I failed to do that. I left her vulnerable and at

risk. And what she?

Did to provide for herself. Was not as bad as what I did and

failing to provide for her. She's more righteous than I.

Judah himself acknowledges that brings her into his household.

We don't know whether everyone. Who we don't know.

Whether well. Actually, we do know that

eventually the truth. Came out and the.

Children were Judah's children. He owned up to his actions and

he took responsibility. Rather than playing the morality

police and judging and condemning her, he affirmed her

righteousness as greater than his own.

But we know more than that about Tamar.

Remember that that oldest son of hers, Perez, If you look at the

1st chapter of Matthew, you will see.

Perez in the lineage of Jesus. And not just Perez, but Tamar is

mentioned explicitly. Perez, whose mother was Tamar.

God made Tamar. Part of the direct.

Ancestry of Jesus. Now we're going to look at that.

Piece and we're. Going to look at Judah's piece

in more detail in the next couple of weeks.

Today's kind of an overview of this story and we're going to

get. To the some of those specifics.

Later on, but today. It it it's enough for us to just

acknowledge and see that God chose Tamar.

To be part of. Jesus's ancestry, Perez, who

would not? Have existed without.

Tamar doing what? She did with Judah.

Perez is an ancestor. Of Jesus, but.

For Tamar, would the Messiah have been born?

It's an extraordinary thing. I got to tell you I'm a dad, you

know, I'm a dad. I didn't need to tell you that.

But as a dad and as a father of a daughter, I I got to say it

would be hard for me to go to my.

Daughter. And say, hey, Grace.

Be like Tamar that would be. Hard that.

Would be a hard thing to do and yet God lifts up Tamar, one of

only, I believe, three women mentioned in the hundreds of

years of genealogy of Jesus. Tamar, one of only three women

mentioned. But for what Tamar did, would

the Messiah have been born? God made her part of his

ancestry. God made her.

Part of his. Plan and what she.

Did part of his. Plan to.

Save the world. And that's how Scripture invites

us to. View.

Tamar, in this situation, God's judgement, God's judgement.

Is wise. Discerning and nuanced we

humans, we like to play the morality police.

We like a nice. Clear set of rules so that.

We can know. Who the bad people are and who

the good people are. What the bad actions are and

what the good actions are. God's judgement is much more

nuanced, much more discerning, infinitely more wise than ours

is in. Fact.

God's judgement is beyond our capacity.

It's a good place to play. I can understand you got flat

ground sisters. Trying to help him.

There she goes. I get the feeling sister helps

him a lot, doesn't she? God's judgment is beyond our

own. I think that's why Jesus said

judge not. And you won't be judged.

I think that's why Jesus told the parable.

When, When? When they.

Of of the the farmer who sowed the wheat.

And then his enemy went out and sowed weeds among the wheat and

and the and the. Farmer's servant said do you

want us to pull the weeds out? And the farmer said no, you'll

pull out some of the wheat. With it, you're not.

Going to be able to tell the difference.

Between the weeds and the wheat. Wait till it's all over at the

harvest. And then we'll sort it out.

We'll sort it out then. God's judgment is wise as doing

God looks at the heart in ways that we cannot see the heart.

I wonder whether we don't know, but I wonder whether when they

brought that woman caught in the very act of adultery, when they.

Brought her to Jesus to be put to.

Death stoned this time rather than burned.

Hey, what she did? Jesus, sin deserves death.

That's what the rules. Say and Jesus.

Said you're right. That's what the rules say.

If you have no sin, throw a stone.

And they all left. And then Jesus looked at the

woman and said, is there no one left to condemn you?

She said no. And he said, neither do I

condemn you. Go and sin no more.

I wonder when that interaction happened.

Whether Jesus? Was thinking of Grandma Tamar

who could. Have been put.

To death for what she did, but wasn't.

Wonder if he was thinking about his own ancestry, his own

lineage, his own family. The people who God.

His father made part of who he was when he was confronted with

that situation, and as he invites us to let God do the

judging, we can. There's two different

perspectives. We can take here in this story,

actually. I'm going to back this up just a

bit because yeah, no, we'll do this first.

One is Tamar's perspective. One is Tamar's.

Perspective So. None of us, you know.

Rick said it earlier. We're not, we're not rich.

We're not powerful. President isn't calling us to,

you know, sit on the cabinet and advise the Joint Chiefs or

where, you know, at least he's not calling me.

If he's calling you, let me know.

I got some advice for him. He's not going to call me.

None of us are in that spot. We are all, in a very real

sense, as as we intentionally try to follow.

Jesus, we are. All in a system that's stacked

against us and at times it's going to fall in our heads.

And we got a choice. We can be a victim.

We can let victimhood define us. Woe is me, the world hates me.

Everything's against me. There's nothing I can do.

Or we can be like Tamar and use the agency and.

Power that we have to improve our.

Situation as we can and the situation of our family and the

situation of the people around us, We can play the victim or we

can do what we can. With what we have, there are a

lot of people over the years. That have done that I think one

of the most compelling examples to me is a woman I'm going to

butcher the pronunciation of her name and I apologize to you know

anyone who can feel. I'm terrible.

At this sort of thing as near as I.

Can get it Nargis. Mohammadi.

She is a woman who as far. As we know, is currently still

in prison in Iran. If she's alive, she she had

education and some privilege. She was trained as a physicist,

so she ain't dumb, but she didn't practice physics.

She ended up becoming a journalist as she became aware

of the suffering and persecution and mistreatment of women.

In the Islamic Republic of Iran. Particularly in prisons.

And she began to. Report on that and she began to.

Share those reports not just in Iran, but also outside Iran and

the world. And calling.

For justice and protection. And care for.

Women who were being brutalized, being tortured, being.

Raped, being imprisoned, all. For the shameful thing.

Of showing too much hair or too much skin.

And being treated horribly. In prison.

She was convicted on multiple counts.

She was told to stop. She didn't stop.

Convicted on multiple counts and and sent.

To prison given a. 30 year. Sentence in prison and 150. 4

lashes hear that? You ever watch?

Passion of the Christ. And the whipping Jesus took 100.

And 54 times. Because she was a woman, a human

being, and a position of little power and little authority and a

little control. But instead of curling up and

playing the victim. She did what we could, she

could. And she still is.

She's still sneaking messages and.

Reports out of prison to call for justice.

For the women in Iran, particularly those women that

are in prison in 2022, I think it.

Was she received? The Nobel Peace.

Prize. She couldn't.

Receive it. She was in prison, her twin

daughters who were living. Out of Iran as expatriates

received. It on her behalf and she's still

suffering for it and she's still doing.

I mean, she's in prison, but she's doing what she can with

the. Power that she has.

To help bring justice, not just for.

Herself, but for those. Around her.

She's a true. Child of Tamar, a true air.

Of that legacy that. Tamar has given us all of not

falling into the victim trap, but doing what we can with what

we have to bring justice a little bit more in this world.

There's another. Perspective we can look.

At in this story, and that's the.

Perspective of Judah. And I invite us to.

Take that perspective seriously as well.

Rather than judging others for doing what they can with what

they. Have let's like Judah, let's

check to see if. They might be more righteous

than we, who may have left him in the position where they had

no good options and no good choices to make because a lot of

people are in that position where they don't have a good.

Way forward. They can only do what they can

do, and sometimes the only thing they can do is not a good thing

in and of itself. It's just the best of bad

options that they have before them and so we can take a step

back from being the morality police and take.

Hard looks at ourselves. And say, what can we do to

provide justice and care and protection and necessities for

others so that they don't? Have to choose.

To do a bad thing, to care for themselves, avoiding the victim

trap in a system that's stacked against us is a challenging

thing. It's.

Easier just to lay. Down and give up sometimes, say

what was me, life is unfair, nothing I can do.

We have this legacy, this example in Tamar, carried on by

people like Nargis Mohammadi, of doing what we can with what we

have, even at great risk. It nearly.

Cost Tamar her life. It has cost Muhammadi A

tremendous amount of pain and suffering.

But doing what we can with what we have to bring more.

Justice to the world. In Jesus name, Amen.

Amen.