Titus Part 2 - Wholehearted Women

If you need to, if you want to, but let's just start with standing, and then you guys can take it from there.

God, we just thank you so much for this evening.

God, we thank you for putting your eye upon us.

That you're not far, you're here, and you're near.

You're inside of us, God.

God, we just pray that you help us to lay down our anxieties.

Help us to lay down all the thoughts and worries of the day.

God, we want to engage with you, Jesus.

We need you.

Without you, we're not living.

Without you, I'm not living.

So I want the snow six.

I am just not trying.

So I feel like I know we know small Jesus.

Nothing else can take you, please.

Heal the warmth of your place.

Help me find a way.

Bring me back to me.

You have my desire.

No one else will nothing else to take your place.

Help me find a way.

Bring me back to me.

Help me know you.

Help me know you.

Help us guys.

Help me know you.

Thank you.

So anyhow, everybody has a chair.

Okay.

And Anna will be here with this one.

And I will be over here with the Christina table and Christina.

Okay, super.

So everybody.

I didn't get cleaned up until like four.

I don't know.

I hope they work.

Anybody else do that?

Well, you're in front of me tonight on several occasions.

Um let me make a couple announcements first.

Okay, here's Mary Felletti's.

Okay, well, we'll get all that work out.

All right.

Okay, for all of you who were here last week.

Two years ago when I first started coming on the board.

Okay, so just make that one.

Thank you for doing that.

So I have the pleasure of everything like tonight.

Testimony will be doing it every Thursday night.

You will be encouraged in your life hearing the stories from our lives, and whoever's sharing their testimony.

Sunday we were there.

The first time we ever went there and I say we gotta call Sunday afternoon.

Anyhow, you get to hear a testimony from her life.

Carol said I only have three minutes.

So I have to talk really fast.

Okay, so if you can't understand, it's not my fault.

It's Carol's fault.

It's gonna take a little longer than three minutes, Carol, but I'm gonna do my best because we just wanted to do a little testimony.

We could go on and on the god and so I have a wonderful husband.

And I have four kids ranging from thirty to seventeen.

And I have my first granddaughter, which means answering it.

Joy.

Truly.

I have pictures.

Do I see them?

No, just teasing.

We don't have time for that.

Okay.

So my story has to do with God's faithfulness.

And over and over again, it says in God's word, don't be afraid.

Trust me.

My promises are true.

I'm faithful.

I am good.

I am a father of good gifts.

But I tend to fall back sometimes in my own understanding.

So when I was just newly married, God gave me a life first.

I didn't even know what a life first was, but somebody had said, Oh, do you have a life first?

I'm like, no.

Okay.

So I knew I had to find a life first.

And mine became a very common one I've found out since then.

But at the time I didn't know it was so popular.

But it's Proverbs 3, 5, and 6.

You probably know it.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways.

Acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.

Okay, so that's my life first.

So one of the experiences I had where God tested me and proved his faithfulness was in Illinois, and my husband and I and our four kids.

We were in the military.

He was in the military, but you know, if you're a military wife, you're in the military.

How many military wives do we have here?

Quite a few.

Yay.

So anyway, strangely enough, at 17 years, my husband felt like he needed to get out of the military.

Which, you know, that's kind of crazy, right?

Because you just have three more and then you can retire.

But at the time he was stuck being a major, which is a good thing, but he really wanted to be a lieutenant colonel because his dad retired as lieutenant colonel.

And the commander-in-chief at the time, Bill Clinton, was not the best commander-in-chief.

And so he was very discouraged with the military.

And Microsoft came and wooed him and said, We've got this great job for you.

And so, of course, we prayed about it, and I don't know, we just said, okay, let's do it.

And you know how you want your husbands to be happy in their jobs?

And I knew he would be miserable if he had to stay in.

So I thought, okay, Lord, wherever you send us, we'll go.

So he got the job for Microsoft, but the downside was that he was traveling a lot, and we had four kids at home, and I felt like I was a single mom and I didn't like that.

And uh I said, we gotta do something because you need to be here to help raise these kids.

And so we prayed again.

And God gave us the job at Colorado Springs.

And I had been here before, visited, and I thought, oh, I gotta live here because I just love it.

I love it here.

And so God moved us here, right?

So Jay could stay home, be a dad, and have a you know, good job nine to five or nine to six.

Um, well, about a year or so later, we get a telegram in the mail, and I opened it because we've never gotten a telegram, and it was for Jay, but I'm really nosy, so I was like, what's this?

And it said, You have been involuntarily recalled into the army?

What?

How could this be?

He's 47 years old, and he was involuntarily recalled.

I was blown away.

I'm like, Lord, this is not even funny.

Because you moved his career so Jay could be home, and now you're calling him to the service, and he was deployed for a year to Djibouti and then Iraq.

And it honestly was one of the worst years of my whole life because we had a very rebellious son and I needed dad home really bad.

But you know, during those really hard times when you feel desperate, what do you do?

You have to cry out to God because I had really no friends.

We had just moved there, didn't have a really solid church because it took us four years to find Mount Springs.

And then when we found Mount Springs, I felt like we're home now.

I felt like we were home.

And so, you know, I was alone.

It was just me and God.

And so every morning I really during that time was the time where I really started that habit of meeting God every day.

Um, I had this cute little cabin, and I'd go out on the front porch and you know, read and pray and cry, and read and pray and cry, and probably God got really tired of me whining.

But um, through it all, God showed me his faithfulness because after all of it was over, and through the whole process, of course, my faith grew.

Jay's faith grew.

I think our whole family grew spiritually because of hard hard times.

But the thing that was so amazing, you know how God does exceedingly more than we can ask or think.

I didn't even I didn't even pray for this, but God blessed Jay, and he was able to retire with 20 years.

Praise God.

I mean, here we were dumb sheep, you know, not even thinking about what we were giving up, the retirement.

Um, so he blessed us in that way, and he blessed us because Jay got promoted to lieutenant colonel, which was his father's rank.

And so God is able to do exceedingly abundantly more than we can ask or think.

So my message is trust him, don't lean on your own understanding, because it never makes sense, does it?

But God has a plan, so praise him.

Thank you.

Um well, I also thank you, Jan, that anybody encouraged?

Yeah.

Isn't it great to hear somebody's story?

Just a little bit of it, and we'll hear each other's stories.

That gives us hope that we're not alone.

Um I want to introduce to you tonight.

We have a real treat.

Liz is gonna be talking tonight on Titus one five to nine.

Yeah, it's five to nine.

And um we're not gonna go to nine o'clock, but five to nine.

And Liz, Liz asked, um, do you think would you consider that we could co-lead together, we could co-teach together?

And I said, let me pray about it.

Yes.

It's just such a such a blessing.

And uh Liz, she practiced what she preaches, and she is a godly woman, she's a faithful wife, she's a very dedicated mother, and now a grandmother, and um her heart is for the home, and her heart is for your home and for your lives, and for you to be the women that God's called and created you to be.

And um, it's we're very blessed to have you as our pastor's wife.

And we are thankful for you, Liz.

So, with that, before we all start crying, Liz Holt.

Thank you all for being here.

I'm so glad to see you.

Um I'm so thankful for Christine.

She is, wow, these slip.

Okay.

Okay.

So um I'm just thankful that we have someone like Christine that to lead this, and we're all blessed to have her be a part of helping us grow.

Grow together, grow individually.

We're blessed.

Thank you, Christine.

And Anna, I'm so blessed that you lead worship.

Um I was gonna say thanks to Anna for leading the worship.

Um, I'm really proud of her and really encouraged when you when your voice comes through.

Um, I have to tell a little story about Anna when she was little.

There's a lot of stories I could tell, but I'll just tell one.

Um Anna um wanted to know as a little girl how old I was.

And so the best way she could try to figure out how old I was was she asked me, were you born in the Old Testament or the New Testament?

Like, just wanting to know.

Like, you kind of look like you could be both.

So she was little, and I was like, Oh, yeah.

That's good, that's good.

I want to talk to you about the Old Testament and the New Testament.

The word testament means covenant or agreement, and uh the Old Testament is God's agreement with his people about their salvation before Christ came.

The New Testament is God's agreement with his people after Christ came.

Don't you like the word agreement?

It's an agreement.

Are we in agreement with his agreement?

That's a question.

That's and you know what?

That is sanctification.

Um I think it's the measure of our maturity and growth, the more our lives agree with God and his agreement.

So this is his agreement.

Are you in agreement?

You know, it's not really what we say we agree with, but it's how our lives are.

It's how we manifest our agreement that is the agreement.

And so I want to talk to you about agreeing with God tonight throughout this message.

Uh, I went on a personal retreat this week.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Um, I went on a personal retreat this week, and I was like, oh, this is gonna be so much fun.

I'm gonna really dig in to this scripture.

Uh for uh Titus 5, 1, 5 through 9.

And I thought, this will be so refreshing.

If we could equate some of God's word with the refreshing drink of lemonade, and I like mint in my lemonade.

If we could, if we could equate some of God's word like that, I want to just tell you that these passages are like lemonade concentrate.

It it's they're it's hard.

The words sorry, the words that we will go over tonight are hard.

Man, the water made me cough.

It's not supposed to be like that, is it?

Um so the the word of God sometimes is hard.

And um Chuck Swindal said about this part of scripture, he said, let the word of the sharp edges of the word of God stand, but don't sand them down.

I'm so sorry.

Let's see if this swallow will take care of the last one.

Okay.

Um we need to be willing.

Oh, you're so nice, thank you.

We need to be willing to let our theology determine our lifestyle rather than our lifestyle determine our theology.

Eugene Peterson said, gosh.

I hope now I won't be like, if I am, it's maybe better.

Thank you that my good friend came up.

Hmm.

Okay.

So um Eugene Peterson said, eating a book takes it all in, assimilating it into the tissues of our lives.

You know, there's a a part there's three places in the Bible that talks about eating the book.

And that's what I think agreeing with God is, eating all of it, eating it, digesting it, let it come into our into our souls.

Um, there's a pastor that said, this little book, the word of God, is the word of God.

When we first hear the truth, when we first eat it, it is marvelous and exciting to us, and we try to devour even more of it.

But as we begin to make it a part of our lives, begin to assimilate it, digest it, we find that putting it into practice is not always easy.

Sometimes it is downright painful.

You ever feel that way?

You ever feel like you read about maybe um loving your enemy?

You're like, uh, really?

Um and it's hard sometimes.

God has a hard way for us sometimes, but it's the best way.

I want to make an addendum to Chuck Swindahl when he said, let the word of God have its sharp edges, let it stand that way.

Don't sand them off.

If we roll that word over our lives, you know what happens?

The sharp edges of our lives come off.

It really does.

So tonight we're gonna go over Titus 1, 5 through 9.

While we're getting there, I want to tell you that George Mueller.

Anyone heard of George Mueller?

George Mueller is one of the greatest Christians that ever lived.

And you know what he said was a secret to his happiness was that he tried every day to have a good conscience toward God.

And he was a lover of the word.

That was the secret to his happiness.

Write that down.

That's a good one.

Because he was an amazed, he tried to have a good conscience toward God every day.

And he was a lover of God word God's word.

So I'm gonna pray for us.

Pray for myself.

Lord, we just we pray, I pray, God, for us that Holy Spirit, you would be here so powerfully, so strong.

Lord, you're a gentleman, so you don't push your way.

You have to be mostly invited into our lives.

So we invite you here, God.

We invite you.

Help me to say what needs to be said.

Help me to say it in a way that brings the gravity of it and the grace.

We love you, God.

We praise you, we thank you for your agreement.

Help us to agree with you more, more and more.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

So I'm gonna read this scripture to you, Titus 1, 5 through 9.

For this reason I left you in Crete that you should set in order the things that are lacking and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you.

If a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, not accused of dissipation or insubordination, for a bishop must be blameless as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just, holy, and self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word as he has been taught, that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.

So basically, this is about a leader, Titus, being informed and charged by another leader, Paul, to choose leaders.

And uh we have first a charge, and then we have a list of the qualifications of a leader, and then we have in verse nine the um the charge for the leaders under Titus.

Okay, and so we're gonna talk about all that stuff right now.

I want to talk to you about Crete.

Okay, Crete is an island in the Mediterranean, it's cradled uh in between Europe, Asia, and Africa.

And it is 160 miles long, and in some parts it's seven miles wide, in other parts it's 30 miles wide.

It was highly civilized back then, and there was a population of Jews that um were from Crete that went up to Jerusalem to celebrate the day of Pentecost.

And in Acts 2.11, it says the Cretans were there, and when the Holy Spirit came upon the believers and they were started speaking in tongues, it said the Cretans heard the word in their own language.

So they uh heard the word of God, they um were filled with the spirit also, they became believers in Christ, and they went back to Crete, probably.

So they went back to Crete and they were like so excited.

So they started trying to make a Christian movement there.

You know what happens sometimes?

What starts in the spirit does not always continue in the spirit.

Have you experienced that in your life?

I have.

And we don't always just go, you know, just a straight line.

I wish so, I wish so.

But what starts sometimes can can have some some issues.

And that's what happened to the church in Crete.

It was a um a church with problems and troubles, and people that were bothering the churches, bothering the church.

There were um some wolves in the midst of the sheep.

We're gonna read some of that um as we read this book and talk about that.

There were also um leadership issues and theological issues, spiritual issues.

So what Paul says to uh to Titus, he says, for this reason I left you.

That means that he and Paul uh Paul and Titus were there together working on this issue.

And Paul was probably there after his first imprisonment in Rome and came there, started working, and then he felt called to go somewhere else.

So he left Titus there.

Well, he left a good man.

Does anybody know what the biggest uh what what the most uh infamous problem church was in the New Testament?

Anybody?

It starts with a C Corinthians.

Titus was in Corinthians fixing a lot of stuff there.

He went there three times, so he comes to Crete and he has a record of fixing problems.

So that's always good, isn't it?

Um he is there in Crete, um and he is uh exhorted to fix the problems there.

And then Paul leaves and he leaves Titus there, and it says, for this reason I left you in Crete that you should set in order.

Set in order is in the Greek ortho, which we get words like orthodontist, orthopedic, orthopedics.

So it's someone who's straightening broken things, someone who's straightening uh and fixing broken things.

Okay, so um this is what um Titus is encouraged to do.

It says that you should set in order the things that are lacking.

Lacking would be deficient, things that are deficient, things that aren't right, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you.

Titus is gonna need help, he's gonna need good help to fix all these problems.

Um, anybody heard of Homer?

Um we have one kid that is nicknamed Homer in our family.

That's not the one I'm talking about.

But Homer is um was a poet in Greece in Greece, and Homer called Crete the island of a hundred cities.

Um Crete was had a lot of cities, it's said in every city.

So he had to do a lot of work, that's a lot of work.

Um, Homer lived in 850 BC, so almost a thousand years till where we're where we're at now is what Homer says is the island of a hundred cities.

So we're gonna need, he's you know, he's gonna need a lot of leaders, and so um, I want to just share with you something really.

Cool.

Listen to Titus's record.

Today, 95% of Crete would say they are a believer in Christ.

That's going to be probably some people that have nominal faith, but it's going to be probably some sold-out Christians.

95%.

That's huge.

And that's from way back then till now.

And there were tons of Muslims that were trying to come in to Crete a lot through the years.

And these churches were able to stand strong.

95%, folks, that's pretty amazing.

And so that's good fruit.

So how did that happen?

Well, these men were hearing from the Holy Spirit.

They were hearing how they're going to correct this hard situation.

And God told them.

Because God's going to do the other part.

He did it with Titus, He'll do it with you.

I want to share with you some of the things that have been lacking in my life.

I'm going to give you three examples.

And I'm going to, I'm in my 50s, so you know, after a few trials and errors, you kind of learn some stuff, you know.

But I want to share with you some things that I've seen God tell me what to do when I've been lacking, when something in my realm of influence in my home, in my life, in my heart is lacking, and He has told me what to do.

Because I've waited and asked.

And I want to encourage you to do that tonight.

I want you to leave here thinking, I'm going to set some things in order.

I'm going to do ortho.

I'm going to do the orthodontist orthopaedic work in my life.

And there's always something, you know?

That's one thing I have learned.

Have you?

You know, it's like if God gave you a break, just wait.

It's coming.

The lacking stuff.

We live in a broken world.

So I'm going to give you three things.

One is when I was a new mom, I would say I struggled with anger at times.

And I was trying my best to be a really good mom, but I would get really angry.

And I remember thinking that, wow, my anger's working.

Look, everybody's like falling in the line.

You know, and uh so it was hard to give it up because I'm like, wow, it really gets some things going.

But um I could tell that it wasn't good, it wasn't a good thing to do.

But you know what I'm saying?

Anger is tricky because it looks like it's working.

Because people are like, she's gonna get angry, or she did get angry.

So um uh I started to feel convicted about that, and I really started saying, every time I'd get angry, I hate my sin, Lord.

I just hate it.

Will you help me?

I just started praying, and I started looking at verses in the Bible about anger, and it says the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

And I started thinking, well, it looks like it's achieving.

But I started realizing people don't like to be around angry people.

So it doesn't really work.

It doesn't work in the things that we're supposed to be gaining, and that's relationship.

And so I just started to try to like, oh, let me let me stop doing this.

Let me let me get a hold of this.

I read a book called The Heart of Anger, which talks about that anger is like an alarm, it's going off.

You get angry because maybe something's not right in your heart, or something's not right in your surroundings, and you can you can you need to figure out what that is so you won't get angry, it won't trigger you.

That's one thing.

And I started, I I don't think I struggle with it anymore, but um I did, and I can see that God's helped me in um in the process of getting over that.

Um, another thing is um I saw that I had two struggling adult kids uh a couple years ago, and I have enough kids where you can't tell who it is, so that's good.

Um, because I don't want to expose anybody.

But um I just asked the Lord, what do I do?

I see it, I see it.

You know what a good leader does?

This is what I've learned.

They recognize a problem before it's a crisis, and so do that in your homes.

Look and say, what's going on?

What do I do, God, before it becomes a crises?

Let me get your wisdom.

So uh I with these two adult kids, I felt like the Lord was saying, do a fast and do um, and I would do prayer, I do prayer walk.

And I would anoint my property that I live at with oil.

So if you come to my house, I still do, there's like drips coming down the gates.

That's okay.

I I like it, it's good.

So um, so I would anoint my property and I'd walk, and it would take about 10 minutes, and I'd just cry out to God for these two kids.

And um, God, first of all, I want to tell you, the first week and a half, I was horrible at fasting.

I would like always cheat.

I'd be like, oh, and so, but I was like, well, I'm gonna keep going.

And then I was like, okay, help me get this fast going.

So that finally happened, but it did it wasn't good for the first part, you know.

It's like, wow, I've eaten more cookies, you know, like than I usually do, you know.

I so um anyway, by the end of that month, though, God showed up so powerfully, and I got to see my two kids change, and the things they struggled with like never came back.

And so I knew that God had showed up and I felt empowered.

But you know what?

He accepted an imperfect sacrifice too.

Like we give 10%, he goes 100, you know?

And so that was another thing.

I've but I heard from the Lord, do that.

Um, another thing is um I had trouble saving money.

I'm trying to give you different scenarios.

I I've always had trouble saving money.

I don't usually go into debt, but I like to spend our paycheck.

That was, you know, it's like I would think, well, we have seven kids, like of course I'm going to, you know, and Steve would say, I think we should save more, and I'd be like, mm-hmm.

Yeah.

And I just wouldn't.

It's so bad.

It was like, and and that, and he's so good at it.

And that's I want you to know that the road is so well taken care of because of him.

He's very frugal and he's very conscious, and he wants to see this be a healthy financial place.

So, anyway, um, so I just wouldn't, and it was a problem.

And then we had a wake-up call two years ago um where his whole salary was in question.

Um, some of you know what I'm talking about, but um all of a sudden it was like, oh, I smell some coffee, and uh it's like wow, I really haven't prepared us very well.

And um, so I thought, you know what, this is never happening again.

And Lord, what do I do?

How do I get a different mindset?

Okay, I became a Dave Ramsey junkie.

Anybody a Dave Ramsey junkie?

Cool.

And also I did some other things to help us save money.

And so what's cool is now I used to be like the money spender, now I'm the money sheriff.

Like people say, we need this.

I'm like, next, you wait two weeks.

We gotta wait till a new paycheck comes.

Because I am saving money.

But you know what I did?

I crisis-proofed with Steve.

Steve is always gonna do this, but when he had me join in, we cr we crisis-proofed our finances.

And that is such a great place to be.

So I want to tell you that when we have things lacking, it's God is so good, he's so amazing to give us wisdom and a path of how we're gonna do or thought oh, how are we going to fix this?

Listen for it, let ask him.

He can take the worst problems, think of Crete, and He can do amazing things beyond what we can ask or think.

Um, so we're gonna go into six, seven, and eight.

It says, if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, not accused of dissipation or insubordination, for a bishop must be blameless as a steward of God, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but hospitable, a lover of what is good, sober-minded, just holy, self-controlled.

Okay, so this is a list, five negatives, six positives.

Is that right?

Yeah.

So um, first of all, uh the leaders that God wants to be in place are blameless.

That means they're not that they're sinless, it means that no public charge can be brought against them.

And so that's important.

That's important for leaders.

Um, they are to be the husband of one wife.

Marriage not only brings a lot of delight, but as you know, it brings a lot of discipline.

And a leader needs to be disciplined.

Um and it's really important for sexual purity for a leader.

It's really important.

And the um the next one is about children.

Um, the next point.

Um, having faithful children, not accused of dissipation or insubordination.

Children, faithful means believers, believers in Christ.

That your testimony has made them want to know Christ.

And um it's important uh for a leader of a church to have children who are believers in Christ, and they are not accused of dissipation.

And dissipation means descent into drunkenness, darkness, decadence, self-indulgence, rebellion or insubordination is the action or process of resisting authority, refusal to obey rules of acceptable, normal standards of behavior, unruly, wild, living out of control.

Um I just want to say this: the most important thing we can do as parents of little, especially little children, um, is to be concerned about their salvation and their discipleship.

It's the most important thing.

You know, we get pulled in a lot of directions, like, oh, they're not good at this and they're not good at that, they're they need to be good in a sport, they need to be good in music, they need to be uh um great in academics.

We get pulled all these different directions.

Really, really, the most important thing is their salvation and their discipleship.

It's so important.

They can make up the math later, they can make up uh no way.

I don't know if they can do the sports, I don't know.

But um, that's not what's gonna carry them through their lives.

And so we've got to be about their spiritual lives.

That's gotta be the most important thing.

And you know, as adults, um looking like having uh uh when they're adults, that's what you're gonna enjoy is them walking with God.

And um uh I think too that all children or many children go through phases of hard times.

They do.

No one's perfect, no one's got this perfect record.

I think what we want to see though, and this is a hard thing about for leaders, because we always talk about the fishbowl, you know, the fishbowl is the pastor's family or the leader's family or whatever.

This is kind of saying that's the way it is, unfortunately.

You know, you wish like I don't want to live in a fishbowl.

Well, you know, this is a really important thing because who you are at home is your real self.

And so a leader, this is his proving ground.

This is his proving ground, and we've got to take this seriously as believers.

And so our children have gone through a lot of different um situations.

I think what we want to see is not certain episodes, but a whole set of patterns, like a pattern, an overall pattern.

And so, but what do we do if we have children that aren't following?

What do we do?

Or thaw is what we do.

We go to the Lord and we say, What do we do, God?

We need we need to see you come and help us figure this out.

We need to um, he usually uses us.

He does.

It it can happen that he'll just come and fix things, but usually it's it he uses us.

So um, so this is important.

Um, I've made a ton of mistakes.

I was telling somebody here, the one mistake I didn't make was I always open the word of God with my family.

And I really want to encourage you to do that because faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ.

And if we give the kids in our in our homes the word, faith will arise.

It's it's promised.

And so open the word with your kids, open them with your grandkids.

Um, do it.

Make one way for you to open the word of God that you can actually keep.

You know, if you say, I'm gonna do it every day, I'm gonna do it three times a day, just make it realistic.

Maybe it's once a week, but start something and see something actually have a momentum on it, right?

Instead of maybe making this huge plan and it's too big to actually carry out.

So um, I want to go through the five negatives.

I'm gonna read them.

Um a leader, uh the an elder is not self-willed.

Self-willed person is a self-love, has a self-loving arrogance, seeking their own way, disregarding others, stubborn, needs to be in charge, dominated by self, self-pleasing, absorbed by his own image and desire, not quick-tempered.

First of all, I want to say God wants you to have good leaders.

He wants God's flock to have good leaders.

Why?

Because you're supposed to follow and you're supposed to reflect your leaders.

So he wants you to have great leaders here.

And um, if you go into another church, he wants you to have good leaders.

Um, he doesn't want you to have leaders that are absorbed with themselves, he wants them to be about you and your growth.

Um, not quick-tempered.

Someone who is quick-tempered is quarrelsome, prone to anger, has an angry spirit resting under the surface.

This person nurses angry feelings.

God doesn't want you to have an angry leader.

He wants you to have a leader that has peace and can help you live in peace.

Not given to wine.

The bottom line here is not like you can't drink anything that's alcoholic.

It means be clear-minded.

Don't let anything control your mind besides the Holy Spirit.

Um, so and it's, you know, it's someone who maybe is always having to have a drink with every meal.

Like that's probably not a good habit.

Um, or they gravitate toward places of alcohol.

Those can be kind of yucky places sometimes.

So they're not given to wine.

Um that means given to wine, doesn't mean don't have any, okay?

Um, not violent.

One who is looking for a fight, who will attack verbally and or physically, has a mean spirit.

God does not want that for you.

He wants to have a leader, needs to be someone who's gonna feed, love, guide the flock.

Um, not greedy for money, one um who does not want personal gain out of ministry.

Um pastors are it's it's in here that we um can get our uh our income out of the gospel, out of the church, but it's not someone who's gonna take advantage of your money for the for their profit.

God wants your money to be used responsibly and with integrity.

And so, yeah, and hospitable.

This is an open heart, open home person.

This is uh someone who invites and entertains even strangers with that with kindness and without reward.

Remember in the uh Bible it says have feasts for people who aren't in your family but have needs.

And God loves that.

So be about that.

Um I want to give you another thing that um I think we need to watch because our world can tend to be unfriendly.

Umfriendliness, be careful about being unfriendly.

I'm not saying never do it because you know, if there's someone, you know, that's uh hurting your children or whatever, yeah, you don't have to be friendly, but unfriendliness belongs to is a behavior of sinners.

Jesus, it says in uh Hebrews 12, it said that he endured the hostility of sinners.

And if you look up hostility, unfriendliness is the first thing.

So be careful about you know being unfriendly to people.

We should have a most of the time, like I said, it can't be all the time, maybe, we should have a friendly atmosphere, we should be friendly with each other.

And so friendliness um belongs, it's a cloak that we should wear often.

And um, you guys are that.

I love being around this crowd.

Um so a lover of what is good.

You can tell a lot about a person about what he loves, um, who he hangs out with, uh, what he does in his leisure time.

Um, be a lover of good things.

I think of Philippians 4.8.

Think on the things that are noble, good, above reproach, above, you know, all that stuff.

Write that down.

Look that up later.

Philippians uh four.

Just, I mean, let's go back to sober-minded.

Um saving thoughts.

Your mind should be full of saving thoughts.

Saved thoughts.

You're saved.

You're not lost, you're not out there by yourself, you are saved by God.

And any any other thought that's opposite of that is from the devil.

Have saved thoughts.

You ever feel like you wake up and you're like, ugh.

Think about it, you're saved.

You are saved.

Um redeemed thoughts, um, thoughts that are are lifted above frivolity.

I was in a gym with uh just on my little retreat, and I was watching this show because it was on, and somebody else was in there.

And it was about how somebody, um I've never seen it, but it was a doctor's show, and it was about how several people um ate a box of chalk every day, and they were trying to help them.

I'm like, oh boy.

Like, wow.

Um that was frivolous.

There's a lot of frivolity out there.

There's a lot of frivolity.

Keep your mind above those things.

I mean, really, if people are watching that, they we really need to save them.

We really need their get get a hold of their lives.

Serious.

I was like, oh my gosh.

Like, we have to have a show about that.

Like, I'm just like, take a bite.

Is it bad?

Yes, don't eat it.

You know, like we don't need a show about this.

But anyway, um, so keep your mind above revolver.

A lot of really frivolous things, thoughts that are sure and steady, wisdom, prudence, just, being just.

That means righteous, approved by God, because we know Jesus, because his blood covers our lives.

And we live according to God's standards, as just people.

And it says the just shall live by faith.

So we need to have leaders that live by faith, not according to this world, but we live by faith.

Holy.

That means free from sin.

That doesn't mean we don't sin, but it means we know what to do with our sin.

And we're doing in the children's ministry, we're going to be teaching about confession.

And Carol and I get to teach that together.

And our verse is 1 John 1 9.

If we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

So all we have to do is confess.

You know what confess means agree with God.

All we need to do is agree with God about our sin.

If you remember, I said one thing I started to do when I noticed I had an angry tendency is I would just say, I agree with you.

I hate this sin.

I agree with you.

And that's all we have to do.

It's so simple, but it does take humility.

We have to go, okay, I surrender, I give up.

I want to give that up.

Whatever it is.

We just start agreeing with God.

And you know, sometimes the devil can empower someone, someone or something in our lives that we've done over and over again.

The power of agreeing with God can break that.

We can just start saying, I agree, God, with you.

And then it says that He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

So we have forgiveness and we have a cleansing.

So we get washed when we confess.

Try that.

Try that.

See what you can, you know, when you have those, maybe the feelings of anger.

Maybe if you are.

One thing I tell my boys is, especially for the boys, is you know, we all have a curiosity for evil.

I tell them that because I want it to normalize that.

And because these boys have on, have very easy access to porn.

And it's very prolific.

And I want it, I want to despel, I want to dispel the the what do you say?

Um the well, not the lure because it's there, but the like making of them feel like they're so abnormal and so bad if this happens.

I want to say, um, you know, I'm so sorry that it's so easy for you to see really bad stuff.

I tell them that a lot because I'm saying, I'm just sorry for you.

And um, boys, you know, they're excited by their hormones, but also visual.

And um, and then I just I just said, you know, we're all we all have that curiosity for evil.

And um, they're like, yeah, yeah.

So um we all have things that we need to confess, um, and we get free.

We get free.

Um, another thing is sometimes people drive us crazy.

They do.

Sometimes they live with us and they drive us crazy.

And we have to be quick forgivers, you know, instead of saying, like almost nursing those feelings, like, oh, you know, I forgive them, Lord.

I forgive them.

I just want to start clean with them.

I totally ask you to forgive them, I forgive them.

And then we get set free again.

And like everyone gets a clean slate.

And by the way, sometimes, you know, don't go to that person and just say, there's some times where we need to do this, but a lot of times we just need to have it between us and God.

Because if I said to Christy, I just want to let you know I forgive you.

You, yeah, yeah, you're like, oh good.

Like, thank you.

Um, so self-controlled.

Um, this is the overriding quality for all of these 11 attributes of a leader.

It's the most important thing.

It's control on the inside, it's the whole letting the Holy Spirit have more and more of you so that you can say no to temptation, you can restrain urges, you can control your appetites, and you sanctify your desires.

Um, we all have desires.

We need sanctified desires, and it's gonna happen with day after day being in God's word, confessing our sins.

It's the same old, same old, but it's so good.

It's it's powerful, it's strong.

Don't spend time in the word.

Spend time in the word.

Remember, George Mueller said that he was happy because he had a uh good conscience toward God and that he loved the word.

I'm almost done.

Um, I think um as I went through these lists, as I studied them, I just wept.

I'm not a crier, and I just wept because I realized I don't do all these things really good, and I haven't done them good, but I was like, Lord, um, you know, the next couple decades of my life, I want to, I want good leadership coming out of myself.

Would you help me?

And I'll tell you, I'm I apologize to all of you sometimes for not being a good leader.

And what really kills me is my own family.

I haven't always done the right thing.

I haven't been that leader for them that I want to be.

But I uh I hope that this is helpful.

A list is really supposed to help you.

That God, if he lists something, it's supposed to help you.

So let's all be helped by the list, even though it's it's convicting.

Let's look at verse 9.

It says that a leader is to hold fast the faithful word he has been taught, and that he may be able, by sound doctrine, both to exhort and convict those who contradict.

So sound doctrine, doctrine means teaching.

Sound has in the Greek has to do with the word health and hygiene.

And so, you know, you'd think it was sound, meaning like you do that.

That's what I was like, but it's it's about being healthy.

And you know, healthy is that balance.

It's not legalistic, but it's not licentious either.

It's it's us knowing what the word says and trying to live it out.

It's agreeing with this word, and a good leader will try to lead his people to health.

And you need to be good leaders in your families and lead your kids to health.

Lead them to health.

Let them know what's in this word.

Uh and we we're to have two voices going on.

One is to exhort people, it's to teach the people of God, and the other one is to convict those who contradict.

We have to also protect the flock by speaking out.

We need to speak out.

Do you know that now we have such a politically correct?

I feel it.

Sometimes I'm like, uh, I don't want to say that.

Everyone's gonna hate me.

But you know what?

We let's all join arms and say, I don't care what people say, I'm gonna speak this word.

Even in the hardest of circumstances, I want to be faithful in that.

I want to have, if if I have to endure people going, ugh, or saying something actually to me, I want to be bolder.

I want to, I want to say things that I don't want to say, I want to say it in a winsome way, but I don't want to miss my opportunities to be bold for God's standards.

Um I want to end with this thought.

Did you know that God doesn't need your obedience?

He does not need it.

You do.

You do, I do.

We I need my obedience.

Um, all through the word we're given two paths.

Um, we were just looking at in my family in Deuteronomy 30 this morning, and it says, choose life or death, blessing or cursing, two ways.

Um Jesus said in the passage on the Good Shepherd, John 10, um, he said this the thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy.

But I came that they might have life and might have it more abundantly.

They means you, me.

And we have two paths.

We have the path of the thief, and we have the path of the shepherd.

You know what I've been tricked into thinking?

I've been tricked into thinking that there's a third path, and it's called Jesus light.

I can have Jesus, but I can also do my own stuff.

Or diet Jesus.

You know, like I can I can have some Jesus in there, but I can also, like, I can I can do my own thing.

There's no path like that.

There's no path like that.

The devil will make you think there is, so he can pull you over to his.

That's a thief path.

I want you to think about agreeing with God.

I want you to say, God, I want to let even the hard, sharp edges of this word roll over in my life.

If you're really reading it, you'll feel that.

You really will.

And um I want to finish up with a uh a quote by a man whose name Richard Baxter.

He wrote a book called The Reformed Pastor.

That's about a leader, okay?

It's a cool book.

It was written in 1656.

Get that for Christmas.

The Reformed Pastor, because everyone who wants to be a leader should, it's it's a good book.

Um this is what he said.

He's a really cool man.

This is a man who I think has sound doctrine, healthy teaching.

When your minds are in a holy, heavenly frame as a leader, your people are likely to partake of the fruit of it.

Your prayers and your praises and doctrine will be sweet and heavenly to them.

They will likely feel when you make much with God.

That which is most on your hearts is like to be most in their ears.

When I let my heart grow cold, my preaching is cold.

When it is confused, my preaching is confused.

And so I can oft observe also in the best of my hearers that when I have grown cold in preaching, they have grown cold.

And the next prayers I have heard from them have been too much like my preaching.

O brethren, watch therefore over your own hearts, keep out lusts and passions and worldly inclinations, keep up the life of faith and love and zeal.

Be much at home and much with God.

Take heed to yourselves, lest your example contradict your doctrine, lest you unsay with your lives what you say with your tongues, and be the greatest hinderers of the success of your own labors.

One proud, surly, lordly word, one needless contention, one covetous action may cut the throat of many a sermon and blast the fruit of all that you have been doing.

Let your lives condemn sin and persuade men to duty.