Taming the Tongue, Part 3: Ugly Words // Jamie Nunnally

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So I'm going to keep preaching on it.

Amen.

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That is a baptismal pool.

We are having water baptisms right after the service.

So if you're able to stay and cheer for those who are going public in their faith, you are welcome to stay and be a part of that.

This series, Taming the Tongue, it's all about learning to use our words according to God's design.

See, the Bible teaches that your ability to speak isn't just for you, it's for others through you.

God is wanting to use your speech to fulfill a goal of His, namely, that's to speak life and bring blessing to the world around you.

So let's just go over some quick review over what we've talked about so far.

The first week we learned that your words matter because your words determine your destiny.

Proverbs 18, 21 says, death and life are in the power of the tongue.

And those who love it to talk, to speak the tongue, will eat its fruit.

In other words, you will eat what you say.

You will eat your words.

Words plant seeds, and these seeds grow up and bear fruit.

I would throw some more seeds at you, but Darren already threw candy at you this morning, so I won't throw anything else at you.

Taming a tongue, taming the tongue is a lifestyle that requires our constant attention.

It's something we learned this first week.

It's something that we can't do on our own.

Last week, Eric shared about idle words.

And we saw Matthew 12, 36, Jesus says, I tell you this, you must give account on judgment day for every idle word that you speak.

Well, that's pretty terrifying.

We will give account on judgment day.

Now, really quickly, let me just get theological for a second.

I want you to understand something.

If you are a Christian, how many Christians do we have here this morning?

Followers of Jesus, hey, good to see you.

Glad you're here.

You will not give account of your sin on Judgment Day.

Jesus already gave account of your sin.

Okay?

Now, if you are not a Christian this morning, if you are not in Christ this morning, you will give account of your sin on Judgment Day.

You really should fix that.

But Christians don't give account of our sin because Jesus already did.

However, we will be judged.

We will be judged on what we did with our freedom from sin.

See, God has set you free and he has asked you in light of your freedom, go help others get free.

We call this ministry.

Yes, you are a minister.

And so we will be judged on our ministry.

That's why Jesus says you must give account of idle words.

What does he mean?

An idle word is a careless, worthless, or empty word.

In the Greek, it literally means unemployed, lazy, and useless.

Some of you have some family members like that.

Unemployed, lazy, and useless.

They're idle.

It literally means, you can read this in a concordance that defines these ancient words, it means shunning the labor which one ought to perform.

See, the church exists, and that includes you, to bring healing to the world around us, but we can't do that if we're always wounding people with our words.

So idle words are when our mouths are running, but we're not going anywhere.

See, when you crank up the engine of a vehicle and it's just sitting there, engines running, but you're not going anywhere, we call that idling.

Right?

It's an idle engine, it's an idle car.

Well, it's the same with your words.

When your mouth is running and you're not helping, those are idle words.

The mouth is going, but you're not going anywhere.

See, when you are confronted with a problem, whether it's a problem in your life or a problem in someone else's life, you are expected by God to use your words to work positively in that situation.

But idle words complain about situations instead of praying about situations.

Idle words gossip about people instead of blessing people.

Idle words accuse others instead of serve others.

And Jesus says, We'll be judged based on these idle words.

So today we're talking about ugly words.

Now notice I didn't say dirty words, like bad language.

I've found that uh, although dirty words can be ugly words, dirty words are usually angry words.

We're talking about angry words next week, okay?

But ugly words, let me give you a definition here.

Ugly words are harmful words that hurt others and reveal the poison in our own hearts.

Ugly words are harmful words that hurt others and reveal the poison in our own hearts.

Now, first week we looked at James chapter 3.

James 3 · chapter mention

It was a whole passage about our words.

And this is one of the verses, verse 8.

It says, No human being can tame the tongue.

It is a restless evil full of deadly poison.

No human being, now God can, but by yourself, you can't.

No human being can tame the tongue.

It is a restless evil.

What a what a restless.

You know what that reminds me of?

If you ever watch like an action movie, and the bad guy, they finally get the bad guy at the end of the movie and they're all celebrating, but then in the background you see him and he's reaching for his weapon, and you're like, no, stop celebrating.

He's still, he's not dead yet, right?

He's right never stops.

Evil never stops.

In the same way, you will never, you will never have to not take care of your speech.

You're always going to have to work on this.

It says it's full of deadly poison.

See, ugly words are contaminated because they're wrapped in the toxins that are in our own hearts.

And when you speak them, it's like shooting a poisonous dart, you know, like a spear that's been dipped in poison and you're shooting it at other people.

God wants to give your words authority.

But he can't give weight and authority to your words if you're always using ugly words instead of useful words.

Guys, I have a gift.

I just, it's just something I've always been able to do.

Is I can jokingly and sarcastically completely shred someone with my words.

I can.

Like, I I remember when I was like in college in particular, um, I was just, and it was I I it was funny and and and making fun, and oh it's no big deal, but I just had this ability to just cut someone down just like that, in brutal fashion.

And the Lord began to deal with me as a young man and say, hey, look, you don't need to use your words that way.

And as I and he began to work with me, and I began to stop that, and I would, I would, I would learn to not say what I wanted to say through over time, right?

Not perfectly, but over time.

And then it's been almost 12 years of being a lead pastor.

And I remember when the Lord called me into the ministry, there was another round where he was like, Look, the way you use your mouth matters.

Because see, here's the deal.

If you when you guys call me and I pray for you and I speak to sickness and command it to go, you want it to work.

You want there to be a weight to my words.

But why would God entrust me with his anointing and his power if I misuse it and I hurt others with my words?

And so one of the things I'm held to that the Lord is constantly dealing with me about is I want his power and authority.

I look, I need to be able to speak to a demon and command it to flee.

And that requires spiritual power, but God is not going to trust me with spiritual power if I'll misuse it against his children.

So if you want to grow in ministry, grow in this area of your life.

Amen.

Let me give you some examples of some ugly words.

Here we go.

Complaining.

Complaining.

This is focusing on what you don't have instead of what you do have.

You know, complaining is the opposite of thankfulness.

As a matter of fact, complaining is worshiping the problem.

See, worship is attention, affection that leads to action.

And when you are complaining, you are literally worshiping the problem.

But God wants us to walk in thankfulness.

Criticizing.

Eric talked about this some last week.

Criticizing is simply pointing out what's wrong with someone.

Now, there's a constructive criticism that's good.

But there's also a destructive criticism that's bad.

And if we're being honest, I don't think most of us are doing the constructive kind.

I think most of us are doing the destructive kind.

There's a time to point out what's wrong so you can fix it.

But we don't walk around criticizing people.

Accusing.

Accusing is another one.

That's to claim that someone has done something wrong or their motivation behind what they do is wrong.

Blaming.

Blaming is to assign fault to someone else.

Guys, we do this all the time.

Right?

We make a mistake and then we blame someone else.

That's dangerous.

You know why?

Because when you blame someone else, you are giving away your ability to change.

Think about that.

See, if it's my fault, I can fix it.

But if it's your fault, only you can fix it.

So when I blame someone for what's going on, I'm giving away my power to fix the situation.

Insulting.

Insulting.

That's to speak to someone disrespectfully.

Y'all would never do that.

I'll just keep going.

Judging.

Judging is rendering a permanent opinion on someone.

Now, the keyword here is permanent.

It's rendering a permanent, oh, they're just whatever, right?

You are labeling them permanently when you judge them.

Now, this is a lot of people have gotten confused by this.

And if anyone points out some wrong behavior in your life, you'll be like, oh, judge not lest you be judged.

I feel like that's the only verse people know in the Bible sometimes.

Judge not lest you be judged.

Okay, here's here's let me explain this.

We don't judge people because their story isn't over.

We don't condemn them because that's not our job.

But we can judge actions.

It's not only possible for you to judge actions, it's actually the right thing.

Because it's okay to say that this activity is morally wrong.

That's not judging a person, that's judging an action.

So we are called, according to scripture, to judge righteously.

And we do that by judging actions, but we don't judge people.

Why?

Lest we be judged.

Because you don't want to be judged by your worst mistake.

So don't judge anyone else by it.

So that's judging.

Another ugly word is gossip.

Gossip is to share unverified or personal information about someone else.

Sometimes, especially in church, it's shrouded by prayer.

Hey would you pray for sister so-and-so?

She's just going through it.

The correct answer is yes, I will.

The wrong answer is, no, how should I be praying specifically?

Right?

So that's gossip.

And then sarcasm.

Oh, I speak fluent sarcasm.

Sarcasm is saying the opposite of what you mean in order to insult or mock someone.

Oh, Jamie, this sermon's going great.

I said it was going great, but by the way I did it, you knew it was kind of making fun, right?

So that's sarcasm.

And then self-deprecation is criticizing and accusing yourself.

Hey, can I be honest?

Some of you guys are your own worst enemy.

You haven't learned to take control of the mind traffic and the accusing voice that's in your head.

It's not God.

Satan is called the accuser of the brethren.

When you accuse yourself, you are giving voice to the devil's job in your life.

You are literally giving him ammunition to use against yourself.

Don't accuse yourself.

Are you perfect?

Of course not.

That's why you need a savior.

That's what this is all about.

And so if you deal with self-deprecation, if you deal with like, and there's it's one thing to make fun of yourself.

I do that a lot.

But but it's another thing to literally believe that you are garbage, that you are trash, that you're not worth his love.

Guys, that is a lie.

Stop talking about God's kid that way.

Amen.

So these are the ugly words I'm speaking of.

So let's talk about how to fix ugly words in our lives.

The first way that we fix ugly words is to pause.

Pause.

Listen to this.

Silence adds significance to what you say.

Silence, not talking, adds significance or value to what you say or when you do talk.

Have you ever noticed if you look at a sheet of paper filled with text, there's an area that doesn't have any text.

It's called a margin.

In other circles, it's called white space.

It's the area where there's not information.

And what we found through different psychological studies is that the more white space there is where there's no information, the more valuable the information becomes.

But anyway, your eye is drawn to that because there's nothing else on the page.

And in the same way, if you are always talking, you are devaluing your words.

James chapter 1, verse 19 says this.

James 1:19

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters.

Hey, that's you.

You must all, hey, that's still you, must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

You must be quick to listen.

Slow to speak and slow to get angry.

We're gonna talk about slow to get angry next week.

But slow to speak is really important.

Quick to listen, but slow to speak.

Why?

Because if you always speak about everything, it devalues your words.

Did you know?

I just want to set you free this morning.

You ready?

You know you don't have to have an opinion on everything.

Did you know that?

What people wear, what people drive, where they live, what they look like, what they you know you don't have to have an opinion on that.

And did you know that if you do have an opinion on that, you don't have to say it.

You don't have to.

There's no one, say it, say it.

You don't have to do that.

We we've got an issue in our culture.

I like to call it review culture.

This is where when you buy, you purchase something online, and then they ask you, they'll literally send you emails like, How did you like your purchase?

And you're five stars, and you type a little review.

We feel like we get to do that about everybody else's life.

When we're actually called to review our own lives.

And many times we're not accurately reviewing our own lives, but we're really busy typing up little reviews for everyone else's life.

You don't have to do that.

As a matter of fact, you'll be happier if you don't.

Some people have something to say, other people just want to say something.

You know those people?

Some people have something to say.

And we should listen.

Other people just want to say something.

They just want to be heard, even though what they have to say is not important.

Don't be like that.

Learn the painful process of keeping your mouth shut.

Alright, I'm gonna tell a story on myself.

Now, y'all don't leave the church because of this, okay?

Raise your right hand.

I'm kidding, don't do that.

So I was a youth pastor several years ago, many years ago.

And I had taken my youth to a youth camp, and uh, this is the end of the week, man.

I was tired.

I was worn out, I was done with teenagers.

I mean, you've been around teenagers?

I know.

I was done.

I was done.

I'd actually overslept and I was late to the main meeting where like our church and then all these other churches were, and I hadn't gotten my coffee.

I was like, you know, walking in, bumbling in, and I had coffee in hand.

I was just a mess, right?

And that's a really good time not to talk, by the way.

So I sit down, and it's just this big auditorium, and someone is up on stage, and she's giving instructions about what to do next and what's going to happen for that day.

And she's she's talking in kind of a weird way.

And I unfortunately louder than I mean to, I say, Why is she talking like that?

And one of the leaders of another youth group in front of me turned around and goes and says, She's deaf.

Oh, I felt terrible.

And all my youth are looking at me like, you're an awful human being.

And I'm like, I know.

I know.

If I would have waited like 0.5 seconds, kept my mouth closed, I wouldn't have been embarrassed, I wouldn't have embarrassed myself in front of other youth leaders in my youth that were right there.

You know, there's something to just waiting, to just not allowing yourself to say what you want to say in that moment.

Delay what you say.

Like, you may be right.

You might, you'll be right tomorrow if you're right.

You but you don't need to say it immediately.

This is one of the Biggest practical tools that we can use, especially if you're married.

Oh my gosh, if you're married, if you can learn how to delay what you say, just to stop and think before you say it, you'll keep yourself out of a lot of trouble.

Delay what you say.

And look, don't if, okay.

Don't, if you're married, don't push your spouse to talk if they're not ready to talk yet.

Now, guy, eventually, I'm saying guys, it's usually guys, guys, you're eventually gonna have to talk.

But if if your spouse keeps pushing you, what do you think?

What do you think?

What do you think you're gonna get an answer you don't want?

So give each other a break.

Delay what you say until you know it's really what you think.

There's an old French philosopher named Voltaire.

He said, everything that is said must be true.

But not everything that is true must be said.

Just because you're right doesn't mean that you can talk.

Some things are better left unsaid.

It's true.

So learn the process of pausing.

Alright, the next one.

So we pause, and then we also need to learn to perceive.

Perceive.

What do I mean by that?

Well, Lamentations 3.40 says, let us test and examine our ways and return to the Lord.

Have you ever thought about why you want to say what you want to say?

Have you ever thought about what's the meaning behind the words I just feel so necessary to say in this moment?

Like, why do I want to say this?

See, everything you say, you first think.

So if you will watch your thoughts, you won't have to watch your mouth as much.

If you'll think through it before you talk, you'll have much less regret over what you say.

See, ugly words are often caused by what I'd like to call emotional inflammation.

Emotional inflammation.

See, in your body, inflammation is the physical reaction to illness, injury, or infection.

It causes inflammation and it creates pain.

In the same way, we often have emotional inflammation through wounds that we've sustained, and it creates anger and disappointment and fear or frustration.

This is all a reaction to a wound in your heart.

And so your emotions kick on and they amplify your thoughts.

And you think, well, I'm angry, but if you've got a wound that that anger touches, all of a sudden you're not just angry, you're incensed.

Does that make sense?

And so this emotional inflammation can cause problems.

And that means we have to perceive what's going on inside of us, behind the scenes, and in order to do this, we need God's help.

David wrote this at the end of one of his Psalms, Psalm 139, 23 and 24.

He says, Search me, O God, and know my heart.

Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Anxious thoughts here in the Hebrew, it's not fearful thoughts.

It means know my cares, the stuff that's annoying me, the stuff that's frustrating me, the stuff that I don't like in my life.

That's what it means by anxious thoughts.

Know my cares, my anxious thoughts, and point out, O Lord, anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

You know you can invite the Lord into your conversations and say, Lord, why do I feel this way?

I'm gonna tell you another stupid story about me.

Several years ago, the kids were young, and Tiff has been playing bass with the praise team, I mean, for like over 20 years, 25 years actually, as long as we've been married.

And um, she had the opportunity to go with the rest of the praise team and go to like a worship concert with a really well-known worship team that that our team really liked and did a lot of their songs, and and she was like, hey, can I go?

And we were trying to figure out that how I could go too.

And I realized, you know what, I'm gonna let my wife, I'm gonna be a good husband.

Ha ha.

Stand-up guy.

I'm gonna let my wife go with the praise team.

I'm gonna stay at home and keep our three urchins, three kids, and I'll get dad points, right?

Y'all know about dad points?

Okay.

So she comes back, I think it's the next day.

She comes back, and I'm like, how was the show?

And she's telling me all about it.

And I noticed she's wearing a t-shirt from the worship team that they saw.

And for some reason, you guys, I just got really annoyed.

I just, I just all of a sudden it just comes on you, right?

Like it's just like boom.

I'm just annoyed.

And she could tell something was going on.

She was like, You okay?

I'm like, oh god, whatever, I'm fine.

But here's the thing, I didn't know why I felt that way.

And so I I I got by myself and I said, Lord, I'm I'm I'm feeling come some I'm feeling some kind of way.

I'm I'm frustrated, I'm annoyed.

What's going on?

Lord, what's going on?

Search me.

Know me.

What's going on?

And I had a thought, and it was from the Lord, because it wasn't from me, because and you'll know why in a second.

Because the thought said, because you're an entitled brat.

That wasn't me.

The Lord said, You're entitled because you you didn't really give a gift to Tiffany.

You gave a gift with something in return.

And you saw her wearing a t-shirt and you thought, where's mine?

Now I know this is a silly example, but this is where we live, right?

Because you you you've been through stuff like this too.

And later she goes, Are you are you, you know, she goes, by the way, I was gonna get you a t-shirt, uh, but they didn't have one that I thought you'd like, and they didn't have your size and all that kind of stuff.

But I was just, I was being an in an entired, an entitled little booger.

Because I will just I got in my feelings for a little bit.

But but I I've paused and said, Lord, help me perceive what's going on in the background of my mind.

So we've got to pause and we've got to perceive, and then the last thing is that we purify.

We have to purify.

You know, we purify things by removing the contaminants.

Your speech, according to scripture, might may have poison.

It may have been dipped, your words may have been dipped in poison, the toxins in your heart from your own woundedness.

So we have to purify that and disinfect it and remove the toxins.

This is what this looks like.

Years ago, I was at a Christian board meeting for another ministry, and we were talking about whether or not to partner with another ministry.

And I knew this other minister, and they're a great minister, but we didn't see eye to eye on everything.

And so one of the people who were at the table texted me and said, What do you think about this person?

And I had a choice in the moment.

Do I blast this person to this other board member, or do I tame my tongue?

Thankfully, my response back was with a tamed tongue because I accidentally sent it to the person I was talking about.

And I was like, huh, and and the person, did you get my text?

I was like, Yeah, I answered you.

He goes, I was like, and I went to my phone and I sent it to the person I was talking about.

They asked me about.

I thought, oh no, what did I say?

I'm like reading it again with like new eyes.

And you know what?

It was fine.

And I followed it up and I I was honest.

I said, hey, someone asked me about you.

And this is what I sent them.

Do you agree?

And the other minister texted right back and said, Yeah, and thank you so much for being honest with me.

And what could have ended the relationship actually furthered the relationship because in that moment, I don't always get it right, but in that moment I had learned to purify.

I had learned to remove the toxins and contaminants that dip my words in poison, and I used words that didn't hurt people.

Isaiah 6, verse 5, Isaiah sees God.

Isaiah 6:5

He's caught up in the throne room of God.

He's recounting this story, and he goes, Then I said, Woe is me, for I am ruined.

One translation says, I am undone.

Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips.

For my eyes have seen the king, the Lord of hosts.

Isaiah has an oh no moment.

Because he's like, Whoa, I'm in God's presence.

Lord, have you heard the words that come out of my mouth?

I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people, that's you guys, of unclean lips, and I'm here in God's presence.

What happens, and you can read it, Isaiah 6, is that the Lord sends an angel and cleanses his lips.

It's in the presence of God that you'll get your speech purified.

Being in the presence of God made Isaiah immediately aware of his ugly words.

And it'll be the same with us.

We have to submit our speech to the creator of speech.

That's the quickest way to tame our tongues.

Amen?

Amen.

Have you ever considered the difference between a scalpel and a shiv?

As a matter of fact, I've got them right here.

This is a surgical scalpel.

I'm gonna do this without cutting myself wide open.

So this is a surgical scalpel.

Uh never been used.

And you can see it's uh really, really sharp and it's intended to cut.

I also have here, this is a literal shiv given to someone given to me by someone in law enforcement.

It's made out of a toothbrush.

They melted the end down and they affixed an incredibly sharp razor to the end of it.

So this is an actual shiv that was confiscated in law enforcement offices.

I'm gonna put that back up.

What's the difference between a scalpel and a shiv?

They're both sharp.

They're both made with the intention of cutting, but one is intended to save a life, and the other is intended to take a life.

The scalpel has been carefully sterilized, but the shiv is covered in contaminants.

One has been manufactured to precise specifications, and the other has been hastily created from repurposed items from the past.

The scalpel is found in a hospital where doctors and nurses are trying to help others.

A shiv is found in a prison or jail and used where people are trying to hurt others.

See, if you're shackled by your sin, imprisoned by your past, your words will be a shiv that cuts other people.

But if you're letting the Lord heal you, deliver you, mature you, and change you, your words can be a scalpel.

Because, see, the truth cuts.

Hebrews 4 12 says the word of God is sharper than any two-edged sword.

But the type of cuttings, matter of fact, the sharper something is, the less it hurts.

Guys, the church is no place for a shiv.

Your home is no place for a shiv.

We need to use scalpels that bring life, not a shiv that brings death.

Amen.

My question to you is this are you speaking ugly words?

I'm not just talking about dirty words, I'm talking about I'm talking about ugly words.

These words that are toxic, they're contaminated, they've been dipped in the poison of an unhealed heart, and they've been launched at their victim, and they bring death.

Look, here's the truth.

I know the answer to that question.

Yes.

We all use ugly words.

The question is this though: are you and the Lord working to make sure that you don't use them?

Are you pausing before you talk?

Are you perceiving why you're speaking?

And are you, through the power of the Holy Spirit, purifying your speech?

Let's stand for prayer.

Close your eyes.

Let's do some internal evaluation.

Ask the Holy Spirit the question I just asked you.

Holy Spirit, am I using ugly words?

When you think that thought towards the Lord, what's the bounce back thought that you hear?

Maybe the Holy Spirit speaking to you.

I didn't plan on doing this, but ask the Holy Spirit this question.

For some of you, it's the person who's pledged their life to you.

That's crazy.

For others, it's the children God's entrusted you with.

For others, it's yourself.

Holy Spirit, speak to us in this moment.

I'd love to lead us in a prayer where we receive supernatural help from ugly words.

If you will, pray this after me.

Say, Father, I need help.

Taming my tongue.

I don't want to use ugly words.

I don't want to judge, criticize, and cut people with the contaminants in my heart.

So I'm asking you to heal my heart and shut my mouth.

Help me to pause before I talk.

Help me perceive why I'm talking.

And help me purify my language.

I yield to you and I surrender my mouth to you.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Also, thank you, Lord.

Thank you, Lord.

Thanks for listening to the VFC Podcast.

If you live in the Thomasville area, we would love for you to connect with us in person.

For more information about our weekly gatherings, including service times and directions, you can visit us at VFC Thomasville.