Abba Father | 06/21/2026

Alright, that's sounds like a lot of dads in the house.

Raise your hand if you're a dad.

Raise your hand if you're a future dad.

Amen, brother.

Do we have any others?

Okay.

Thank you, Jesus.

Um, it's really good to be with you all this morning, and I'm surprised everyone's preaching my message up here on the open mic and stuff, and I'm like, come on, save me some.

I'm just kidding, by the way.

I love it.

God is confirming what he's gonna say today.

These type of services and holidays are always interesting.

Nathan, you were you brother Nathan was hitting on this.

Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas.

There's certain holidays that, while joyful for many, can be painful for some.

Yeah.

I mean, let's just be real.

This is you know, this is real.

This can be painful.

I uh I did a lot of study into this whole idea of fatherhood, you know, and psychologists and all the statistics.

And I and I know that we probably have heard a lot of this already.

We probably looked this up, we've heard all the statistics.

Well, this generation, you know, it's a high crime rate because they don't have fathers and this and this and this.

And that's all real, okay?

But I don't want it to make out I don't want to make it sound like, you know, if anything's wrong, it's all father's fault.

You know what?

Mom can make a mess too.

And so for Father's Day, we're gonna talk about the messes that moms make.

Put them in their place.

You're welcome then.

I've already got brother Clappy, he's been married like two months.

He's like, bro, you gotta chill.

Michael, teach this guy.

Listen, don't do that.

But it was just it's overwhelming.

When you look at all these statistics and all the information and all the different things, we all have different pasts, we have different experiences.

It's overwhelming.

Okay?

I personally had a great father.

I I thank God all the time for my father.

My father was a wonderful man, just wonderful.

He's with the Lord now, and I miss him.

And I'm sure many of you, if your father is with the Lord now, you miss them on today.

Today's a reminder of something that you don't have anymore in your life.

I miss him.

I know Pastor Garner's father's with the Lord.

This can be a day of sadness.

I miss my dad.

And uh and then for some of you, you didn't have a good father.

And honestly, there's some stories I've heard in the world we live in today that some, you know, some dads do that's just unspeakable evil.

And so this is not this is like an easy and a hard day.

But I want to do something, is I and I'm gonna go somewhere with this, so I want you just to trust me.

Tell me this right now.

Say, David, I trust you.

Do you mean it?

Okay.

My wife said we think so.

It's Father's Day, honey.

Okay.

But I'm gonna go somewhere that's encouraging in a weird way.

Alright?

It's going to get heavy before it gets light.

Does that make sense?

I've never been in the military.

I tried to go to the military.

God shut that door because the week I was signing up for it, I broke my wrist and my pinky playing basketball.

I had to get surgeries, I couldn't even do push-ups for years.

So I guess the Lord, you know, shut that door.

But I've always my parents came from the military, my in-laws came from the military.

I've always liked the military.

And I don't know what I was talking about.

Do y'all remember what I was talking about?

Thank you.

Yeah.

So in the military and boot camp, the idea is they break you down so they can build you up.

Y'all get that concept?

I'm gonna attempt to do that today, so just stick with me.

Is that fair?

Guys, is that fair?

All right.

If we look at the the role that a father is supposed to be, it is one role with many responsibilities.

You know what I'm talking about?

It's not just one thing.

And everyone in our jobs and our roles, we understand that.

We have a job, we have a title, we have a position, we do something, but we do multiple things.

Yeah.

Okay, that's the same with the father.

I worked at the Lost Sea.

Has anyone ever heard of the Lost Sea in here?

The Lost Sea.

It's up in Sweetwater, Tennessee, where the water's so sweet.

That's where I grew up and went to high school.

Okay, you know what I'm talking about?

Lost Sea.

God, come on.

You know?

Alright, amen.

Finally.

Thank you, Jesus.

So the Lost Sea is it's is actually it's actually known pretty well around the world.

It's this huge underground cave.

Massive.

I'm talking like you walk through it like a quarter mile down.

There's huge like taverns or cats, are they called caverns or taverns?

Well, cave, duh.

I worked there, I should probably know that.

I forgot.

Caverns that's the size of like football stadiums, multiple ones.

And I was a tour guide there, and I'd walk these tours down through the lost sea.

We go quarter mile down, and at the bottom of it, there's an underground lake, this massive lake, and they had these big lawn steel boats that could hold like you know 30, maybe even 40 people on these boats.

And and we as a tour guide, we were trained, we had to drive them on the boat on this underground lake.

Okay.

And you would drive them around, and so it was a really cool job.

I'm I'm really grateful for it, but I had multiple things I had to do in this job.

But it's so funny because one of the aspects of this attraction is that there were certain tour companies that would take people on tours like around the East Coast, the south, and they would come to the Lost Sea, and one of these tourist groups was this group from J Japan.

And they would always come as like every other week, they would bring tours from Japan.

Now, these Japanese people didn't speak English, so they would have interpreters.

Is that right?

Interpreters.

Thank you.

And they would bring these massive amount of people from Japan, like every other week, and I would I a lot of times I would lead these tours of imagine like 70 people were walking through a cave.

I'm giving them a tour, so I'm walking them through.

I've got a flashlight, I'm making them stop, I'm explaining things, I'm directing them so everyone could be safe.

And it's like 70-something people, okay, of tourists.

And uh this is funny.

And so I thought I was really cool back then, and not much has changed.

And I said I thought it, didn't say I was it, but I'm taking I I used to try to be all cool as a tour guide.

I had, you know, those big long flashlights that are metal.

I would like twirl my flashlight while I'm talking.

I'd be like, there's a stalagmite, you know, trying to show off, trying to get better tips because we get tipped really well.

And so I take this, I have this Japanese tour, and I've got this whole group of people, and one of the things they would do is they had these long, the long boats, and they had like the little stick to steer them, you know, like the motor, you turn it, and then you just go left or right to steer the boat, it's on the back of it.

And so they trained us, and you're supposed to sit down and talk to the tour and steer it as you're talking with your hands.

Well, I decided to be a cool cat, and I would stand up on it and I would steer it with my foot.

So I had this Japanese tour.

Filled the boat.

And I want you to let me explain something before I continue.

Is that the walls of an underground lake in a cave, okay, they're not straight up and down, they're like this.

So the water continues, but the wall comes like this.

Is that is that making sense?

So I'm sitting here and I've got this tour, and I'm not I'm sitting there and I'm just driving the boat and I got my flashlight, and I'm talking to them.

The interpreter's interpreting, and all of a sudden I lose my balance a little bit, and I start to steer the boat the wrong way, and I'm trying to course correct and I'm sitting there and I'm like, uh, and I'm talking, and all of a sudden I take the boat towards the wall, and all of a sudden, all these people, Japan D people, they're like, ah! And they're like coming to the wall, and I and I'm like, Duck! And they're like hitting the wall, there's dirt falling on them and stuff, and here, and they're sitting there, they're getting all worked up, and I'm this is a true story, by the way.

Lord help me.

And so I played it off like it was part of the tour.

Full immersion spirit, experience.

And they're sitting there and they don't know what's going on.

I'm like, I'm giving you the real experience.

You're like spunking right now in the cave.

And the interpreter's like, and they're like, oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, the mic died.

The mic died.

Guys, can we get oh no, it's there.

That was my bad.

I probably broke it, I probably messed it up when I hit it.

So I'm sitting there and these they get all excited.

I play this off, and uh, I got tips so well.

And typically, the way you do that, because we had this thing, we couldn't ask for tips, but what we would do is we lead the people back, and and as you're leaving the cave, there's a sign there that's saying the gratuities are welcome.

And I would stand right by it, and I'd be like, Y'all have a nice day.

And so these Japanese tours were always tipped so well.

Like most Americans would give like a one, a five, maybe a ten, you know, here and there.

But when the Japanese people would come through, they would give you like 20s.

I mean, I made like 300 bucks, but they were like super pumped about that immersive tour.

The point of this is that I would have to lead this tour and I had to do multiple things, and some things I didn't do that well, but I had to do multiple things.

A father has to do, do, and be multiple things.

We all know this.

Now, when we bring the Bible into this, things get a lot more tricky.

Okay?

It's not just like help your kids survive.

It gets a little bit more tricky, it gets a little bit more intense.

And some of the things are said directly in the Bible, and then some things are not as direct, some things are not as clear.

Some of the things that we extract because we see examples of stuff.

Does that make sense?

Okay, let me just read a quick bullet point list of what of kind of the aspect of what a father is meant to be.

He's meant to be a provider who provides responsible care.

He's meant to be a protector who protects.

He's meant to provide instruction, godly instruction, spiritual instruction, okay, teaching.

He's meant to be someone who inflicts loving discipline.

Not discipline from wrath, anger, but discipline unto holiness.

He's meant to be someone that gives affection.

This is an express expressed love and delight.

You notice when Jesus is baptized before he does his ministry, what does the father say over him?

This is my son, my dearly loved son.

My dearly loved son, that's this is talk of an affect affection.

You know that guys are not supposed to mean just be all tough and hard.

They're meant to be have a soft side with their children where they give them affection.

That's meant to come from a father.

A presence, they're available, they're there, and they're attentive.

They're not distracted.

They're there.

Father is meant to be an example, not just talk, but actually demonstrating what they talk.

They're meant to give their kids a blueprint.

This is how you do it, this is what to expect.

To show their sons, this is how you be a man of God, this is how you be a good husband, this is how you be a father.

To show their daughters what a good, godly man looks like so they don't run and take the first thing that shows up.

My wife has a really good father.

I like to give a shout out to my father-in-law, Pastor Pete, him and Pastor Shannon are vacation in the RV.

We love you, we honor you.

My wife has a good father.

I wasn't getting away with anything.

I had to give them like 20 oxen just to marry her.

It's humility when wrong.

That's really hard for guys to do, but you're meant to exemplify that.

Hey, when I'm wrong, I'm willing to admit it and come before the Lord.

Father is meant to bless their children.

Someone was talking about identity.

You bless and you speak over your children.

My my kids almost a year and a half.

He don't even understand everything I say, but I'm all the time speaking over him.

You're a blessed man.

You hear the voice of God, you walk in his ways.

The work of your hands is blessed.

You're gonna marry the woman that God has for you.

You're not gonna know Egypt.

Speaking blessing all the time.

Direction.

A father provides direction to their children.

What direction could look like is wise counsel because your children become adults, and when they're adults, they still need advice.

And wise counsel is saying, hey, I'm not gonna control you, but I'm gonna be there for you.

I'm gonna help you.

Wise counsel.

As I say this list, if I had to guess anyone here today that's a father, you're starting to feel maybe a little bit of shame.

Maybe you're looking at some areas and saying, I'm not sure I really did some of this stuff really well.

I bet people, if you're watching online and you're a father, as I read that list, maybe there's some areas you're like, I don't really do that well.

Jesus shows up on the scene and he does things very different from what people expected.

It's interesting how our desires for our circumstantial needs can craft our expectations of God.

They want God to come and fix their immediate problems.

He's coming to fix their eternal problems.

They think that a warrior king is coming, but actually a sacrificial lamb is showing up.

It's interesting how I want you all to pay attention to this.

This is one little side nugget, real quick.

It's interesting how the the generations when God shows up miss it.

They think a warrior king is coming to judge, he comes as a sacrificial lamb in humility, and now all of a sudden we have this God of love who lets us be however we want.

But you know who's coming back?

A king, a judge, a warrior.

Don't make the mistake of going along with the culture.

The culture back then missed him.

The culture today, I'm afraid to say, is missing him.

You don't understand.

A judge is returning to bring justice, and you hope that you fit on the right side.

One of the first things he does when he comes back, you know what he's gonna do?

Divide sheep from the goats.

Which side do you want to be on?

But Jesus comes and it's not expected.

And he doesn't really follow suit from what people want, but Jesus also does something else very interesting.

He's something he does something that these people have not heard of to uh heard of up to this point.

He comes and talks about God, their Yahweh, their transcendent being, apart from his creation, above his creation, all-knowing, all powerful, the name so sacred that they can't even say it.

It's almost like a breath.

Yahweh.

I don't know why I put that little Hispanic thing in it.

Yeah, I always do that.

I always go Hispanic with my okay, touche on that.

It probably did.

But he does, Jesus comes up and he does something that's unheard of.

He starts calling God Abba.

He starts calling there's me.

Okay, in the Old Testament, there's terms for father.

There's different terms that mean different things, okay?

There's a father of the universe, the creator.

There's a term we could say, father, that applies to these things.

Jesus shows up and uses Abba, the relational father, the close father, the caring father, the tender Lord, the one that carries authority, the one that provides and protects for us.

He's coming around using this.

Understand to the culture of his day, they would have been like, what is he doing?

Jesus, y'all hold on to your seats.

I'm gonna rattle some of your theology right now.

Jesus is not the end goal.

I know freak that baby out.

Jesus is not the end goal.

Jesus told them, I am the way, and I am the truth, and I am the life.

But no one comes to the except through me.

What is the goal of the Christian faith?

It's not to escape hell, it's not just to have your sins forgiven, it's not just to make it a heaven, it's to the Father.

And not just a transcendent father that is far from you, above you, not aware of you, doesn't care about you.

It's an Abba Father.

Come on, bro.

Thank you.

There's a term.

Here's the thing.

Everybody's got daddy issues.

Whether you had a good dad, there's a my father was amazing, but you know what?

There's something that happens when people start to become adult and they start to get nitpicky with their parents.

We struggle with this victim mentality.

Oh, I'm gonna blame my mom and dad because of all my problems.

No, you're irresponsible and stupid, and you don't listen to wisdom, and you don't try, but you're gonna blame your parents for everything.

I understand.

There's really there's really big wounds in life.

Jesus comes and he says, I want you to, I want to bring you to a father, an Abba Father, a relational father.

God's plan, the whole plan.

Who brought Jesus?

The Father.

Who was Jesus acting like?

What was the whole point of Jesus' ministry?

To reveal what?

The Father.

Everything I do, I do because my father's doing it.

Everything I say is what my father's saying.

Every aspect of Jesus' life and ministry, that is an example of the Father, the Abba.

Why did Jesus come to earth?

Did he just think it up himself?

Hey, I'm gonna come to earth and save everybody.

No.

For God, when you see God there, it's the Father loved the world.

That he sent his son, his decision.

Anyone can relate to a savior.

Jesus died for my sins and said he bled for my s.

Oh, I love you.

I pray to Jesus, I worship Jesus, I love Jesus.

I'm not saying that's wrong.

When you worship Jesus, you're worshiping God.

But there's something specific about the terms.

Jesus is a savior.

Anyone can relate to a savior.

But it's not the same to relate to a father.

Savior is not a paternal term.

Father is.

Anybody can save you.

Not everyone can be a father and Abba to you.

Jesus shows up, Abba.

What is he saying?

We live in a fallen, sinful world.

And because we live in a fallen, sinful world, there is a power of this world that is able to achieve his will.

I want you to stick with me.

The devil is not a creator.

He doesn't just come up with, I'm just gonna do stuff to do stuff.

He's not a creator like that.

He he he he is created and he hates, he despises, he he rebels against the creator.

So when God comes and says, I want to lead my creation to a relationship with their father, what does the devil do?

I'm going to stop them from having a relationship with their father.

How does he do that?

Well, he's the father of so he comes and lies.

And if he can get you to just have a distorted view of a father and Abba, then you can have a distorted view when you try to connect and relate to God the Father.

It's genius.

If I can just mess up your perspective of a father, then I can mess up your very relationship with God.

The very point of Jesus coming, dying on a cross so that you could be with the Father.

I can mess that up.

If I could just cause you to feel an imbalance or pain concerning your father here on earth.

I know that we all that we're amazing at this.

I can quote all the verses.

He's a good, I can sing that song, Good, Good Father, all day long.

But what do we believe in our heart?

What reality do we actually live from?

Do we live from a reality that we have a heavenly father, all-powerful, transcendent, all-knowing, ever present with us, who cares for us?

Do we actually live from there?

The moment that you have fear in your life, do you understand something?

You're living from a lie that says, I don't believe I have a heavenly father.

Authority over the universe, all-powerful can do what he wants, who's protecting and loves you.

Loving Jesus is one thing.

Loving the Father is that's something else.

So Satan comes in.

I'm gonna use Satan as a term for demons and all these things, the fallen world, but the enemy comes in, and what happens is God shows up and he works generationally.

That's why we're calling ourselves generational church.

We understand he's a generational God.

God works generationally.

I'm going to do something in you, I'm gonna heal, restore you, and I want you to pass this down and pass this down and pass this down.

The enemy works generationally.

I'm gonna come and God's doing that, and then I'm gonna come and mess it up so you can pass it down and pass it down and pass it down.

Primary ways that he destroys people, destroys identity, causes pain and confusion in their life, destruction is he works through fatherhood.

Yes, that's right.

And it doesn't mean that you had a bad father.

He can do a lot with a little, he can do something with a simple imbalance.

I just read, like Tim Turns, that a father's supposed to be.

But what tends to happen is we have good fathers that have an imbalance in their fathering.

They're good providers, but they're not great at being spiritual leaders.

They leave that to mom and the church.

They're good protectors.

They'll take eat they got AKs in their closet.

But they don't know how to be affectionate.

I got a frog in my throat.

Ricodino, help me.

I've got a drink.

I'm just give it one minute.

When the enemy comes and brings an imbalance, this can wound us.

And this is what tends to happen is that when we have an imbalance, we notice it as children.

Okay?

If my dad was alive here and you asked him, hey, is there anything you would could do better?

He goes, Absolutely.

Is there anything you regret?

He would say, Absolutely.

I've only been a parent a year and a half, but all the parents who've like raised kids to be adults, they all say something common.

They say, hey, you're gonna make mistakes, but just keep going.

Okay?

That's a common theme.

Amen.

Even Hebrews, do you know what the Bible says?

It says in Hebrews chapter 12, it says, listen, fathers discipline their kids for a few years and they do the best they can.

Hebrews 12 · chapter mention

And it basically says, but God the Father is the best at this.

If I could summarize it.

Even the Bible knows this.

Even I think I forget, it was Matthew 5 or some.

It's one of the chapters in Matthew.

Jesus is like, listen, if you ask, if your kids ask for a piece of a loaf of bread, are you gonna give them a stone?

If they ask for a fish, are you gonna give them a serpent?

And he's like, but you fathers who are evil.

Y'all catch that?

Compared to God, we're evil.

So I want to I want to make something clear.

This idea of a perfect father is only in heaven.

This idea of a perfect father in life, it's not really something that exists.

And so what we have is we can have horrible, evil, cruel fathers.

That we the only thing we can do is pray, God have mercy on them.

We try to forgive them the best we can.

We ask God to help us.

I mean, listen, there are stories that they're it's unspeakable.

I could not even say it from up here.

Junk that is going on today.

But a lot of us, it's just imbalances.

There's something lacking.

I did this whole study of the generational, like, is there anything that we can look at generationally?

Anything going on in our world that could affect fatherhood?

Is there anything that could have started certain cycles that we're even seeing today?

And of course there was.

And we have all these different types, we could put it like this, classify them as types of fathers.

Listen, I told you, I'm gonna break you down, then I'm gonna build you up.

Guys, stick with me.

This is not a beat-up Father's Day.

Just slap them around a little bit.

In when World War II happened, all the way through the 1970s, we have this provider-only father.

Y'all hear this?

Listen to this.

It's common in the older generations, especially post-World War II through the 1970s.

Dad worked hard, dad paid the bills, dad kept the house stable, but emotional presence was often weak.

Affection was assumed, not expressed, spiritual leadership was outsourced to mom and the church, and children got provision without deep connection.

So a lot of people, maybe your grandparents, experienced a father that was like this.

I want you to understand something.

Put the dots together.

If that's their view of father, he works hard and provides, but he's not connecting me, you're naturally going to take this in your relationship to the Heavenly Father.

And he's a guy that you know what, you'll take care of me, but you're not really connected to me with me.

If I need someone to talk to, if I'm hurting, you're not really a comforter that's close to me.

Jesus shows up, Abba.

It's different.

Next up is the absent father.

If you look from the 1960s onward, this has been nothing but increasing.

Absent fathers.

There's been an increase in divorce, sexual revolution, fallout, and not and non-marital births and family instability from the 1960s.

The CDC says this in 2023, 40% of births were to unmarried women.

40% of U.S.

births were to unmarried women.

That's almost half.

Just a couple years ago.

Now I'm not saying that, hey, maybe they did get married.

Maybe the guy, maybe the dad stuck around.

Do y'all see what's going on in our world today?

An absent father.

I'm just having.

Can I get some tissues, please?

Listen, the devil's attacking me.

I'm going to deliver this message.

Give it over my beautiful wife.

So sorry, everybody.

We're going to prevail.

Thank you so much, sweetie.

I'll just let her finish.

The absent father.

So anyway, I was saying 40% of births came from single homes.

A single parent.

I'm not saying single, like if you grew up in a single single-parent home, that doesn't mean you're just going to be awful.

But when you look at this statistically, that you need a father and a mother.

They can't do the same role.

Okay?

Now there are mothers out there with it with their fathers not around.

There are mothers that have been strong and have raised their kids well.

I don't want to downplay that at all.

Alright?

But here's the thing.

When kids have that, they have less daily modeling and masculine love.

They have less consistent discipline and direction, more identity and insecurity.

They're more hunger.

They have a more of a hunger for affirmation.

They're confused about authority.

This is a huge one.

Listen to this.

When a father's not in the home, this is a major part of our culture.

It's so deceptive.

People are coming against authority.

Unhealthy, uh hierarchy, blah, blah, blah.

You understand that we have a bunch of people with daddy issues that don't know how to respect and honor authority, and they treat it.

It's unhealthy.

I understand, listen to me, I understand there are unhealthy authority figures.

I'm going to go off on a tangent real quick, okay?

Because this is rampant in our society.

Okay, we have 340,000 Protestant churches in America, and we see on the news four or five of them have messed up leaders, and we think it's all bad.

All leadership's unhealthy.

Do you know our perspective of authority comes from our father?

When you don't have a father in the home, you know what happens in the home?

Chaos and fighting is strife.

A father brings stability.

He leads.

He's someone that can love tenderly, but he also lays down the law in a loving way.

We have a generation, they don't know what authority is.

They don't know how to respect those in leadership.

Why do you think the church has lost its power?

Because the church has lost its honor.

The father helps with that.

Number three is the authoritarian father.

This is common across multiple generations.

This is not just one particular generation.

Authoritarian.

This is common where fatherhood was shaped by military hierarchy, survival, shame, or children should be seen and not heard.

They're strong on rules, and they're weak on relationship.

This is very common, and I talk to a lot of people, even adults now, as children, they were in a family, especially people that come from a Catholic background.

They were in a family and they were all the rules of religion.

Go to church, go to mass, do all your stuff and stuff, but it was so strict, and there was no there was no emotional connection to this.

Okay?

On relationship.

My father knew how to enforce the rules, but he didn't he didn't actually relate to me.

That's what these that's what these this generation is seeing.

That's what they're experiencing.

Maybe you're here today, or maybe you're online and you know the type.

We have a generation that has this, and what they're doing is they're rebelling against this.

I don't want just rules, I want relationship.

The Bible calls us to perfection.

But before you get to perfection, you have to get relationship down.

Listen, God is good.

We're gonna make it through the service, I promise.

The devil's a liar! Honey, thank you so much.

She is such a sweetheart and sermon-hearted.

You really didn't want that.

I didn't didn't want it at all.

So authoritarian fathers, they're light on tenderness, they demand respect.

They did not always model repentance.

You'll see authoritarian fathers, they they cannot admit when they're wrong.

Some guys, when they realize they made the wrong decision, they don't know how to be humble and they'll just stick with the bad decision just because they can't handle being wrong.

I've actually done that before.

Not anytime recently, though.

I don't think.

They did not always model repentance, they confused fear with honor.

Ephesians 6 4 shows us this, reveals this imbalance.

It says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them, rather, bring them up with the discipline instruction that comes from the Lord.

The Bible tells us this.

How we discipline our children, guys.

Don't worry, I'm going somewhere.

This is gonna be very encouraging.

I promise, stick with me.

Even the Bible shows us how we discipline our kids is important.

It tells us how to, right?

We don't come up with this on our own.

It's so funny to me.

I see these Christian parenting books that don't even can like align with the actual Bible.

It's a joke.

We have so much information that is misinformation out there.

Go to the Word, go to the Word, it's the Word of life, it'll set you free.

I promise.

Make all your dreams come true.

Number four is the passive father.

This is one of the biggest modern imbalances.

This became more visible in the late 20th century and the 21st century.

Dad is physically present, but mom carries the emotional and the spiritual and the organizational load.

Passive.

This is very this is a big one.

I'm gonna explain why.

There's a reason.

Dad avoids conflict, dad does not initiate prayer, hard convers, hard conversations, correction, or direct discipline.

Dad loves his kids but does not lead them.

The void that's created is children experience kindness without covering, presence without leadership.

Number five is it's the performance-driven father.

Shows up heavily in achievement culture.

We actually have achievement culture now.

How many programs can you get your kids in?

Five soccer teams, four baseball teams, ballet, theater, you name it.

You know, our kids, we can't even get them in church half the time because they have programs.

Oh, that's godly.

Great job.

I know the best way to get my child to grow up well.

Let me pull him out of church and put him in a secular role with secular programs.

I was raised in church and I love God, but I got in the most trouble when I was playing on my high school soccer teams, my college soccer teams.

Oh, I got in McCathy, I was crazy.

Had to change my name.

The law's still looking for me.

I'm joking.

Oh, you you first time visitors are like, where are we right now?

This guy can't keep his drink up, he's wanted by the law.

We're going somewhere.

The performance-driven father.

Here's the thing, my dad was not a performance-driven father.

You can have these issues and still have a good dad.

I've had issues in my life, and it wasn't cost for my father or mother.

Just so we're clear on this, okay?

But it's all about great sports, beauty, talent, ministry, you know, performance, behavior, public image success.

And this here's the thing is that I want you to understand something, because sometimes when fathers experience a performance-driven connection to their father, a lot of times what we experience in life when there's an imbalance and hurt, usually one of two things happens outside of connecting to God the Father.

Are y'all with me?

One of two things happens.

Either we replicate the very thing we experience.

Your dad was an alcoholic and beat you and did horrible things, but then you say, I'm never gonna do that.

You become an alcoholic and abusive just like him.

This happens over and over and over.

Or you revolt against them and you say, I'm not gonna be like that, I'm gonna make sure my children are like that, and then you create another imbalance.

I'll give you a plain example.

Okay, maybe your dad was not a good provider.

He chases his own ventures.

Your mom had to have multiple jobs, provide and take care of care of the family.

She's always fearful.

You're chasing your passions and dreams, but none of your passions and dreams actually make money.

You're just pursuing yourself, or maybe you gamble all the money, you're irresponsible.

You're not a good provider.

And so you experience the pain of that, the insecurity of that, seeing the pain it puts your mom through, you say, I'm never gonna do that.

I'm gonna make sure my kids they have money, that they have income, that they have provisions.

So, what you do is you hyper-focus on your career to make sure that they have there's money in the bank account, but all of a sudden you are so hyper-focused on it, all your time and devotions come in to fix this imbalance that you create an imbalance of you're not there.

And then your kids experience the same thing.

So you see how it's like ping-pong, just boop, boom, boom, generation to generation, pain after pain after pain, imbalance after imbalance.

And we think that we could just come and fix the problem on our own.

No.

Everything that I'm reading up here is impossible.

If you look at the complexities of what we have against us and what's working against men today, and you think about the generational hurt of generation pain after pain, imbalance, imbalance, because his father was hurt, his father was hurt, I've experienced this, and because I've experienced this, I have no idea what I'm doing, but now I have a wife here that I'm supposed to actually lay my life down life down for and be like Christ, and now I have kids here and I'm supposed to lead.

I don't even know where I'm going.

And I'm hurt.

What about me?

You see, one of the most evidential things that happens when there's a father wound, a father imbalance.

You know what one of the things that it produces, one of the top, one of the first things that happens is it forms a it forms a self-performance, a performance-based Christianity.

That if I don't perform, then I don't have relationship with the Father.

If I don't do all this right, I'm in it alone.

Do you know what performance-based Christianity does?

And I get it, we can quote the verses, but in our heart, we don't feel close to an Abba.

We feel distant because we're failures.

And the problem is, is we're so hurt we can't even get our own life figured out.

Because I'm I've got issues, and yet you want me to connect to a heavenly perfect father, but I don't believe he loves me because all I've known is imbalance and pain.

And there's a distortion.

Yes, okay, maybe his presence is here, and you're good at worshiping at the altars and crying.

But when you need something from him, when there's lack, when there's lack of direction, you don't feel like he's near.

Because there's an imbalance.

And cycle after cycle after cycle, pain and imbalance that leads you to a place, man, where you have this massive expectation that's impossible for you to do alone.

God did not design this for you to be able to do this on your own.

Ephesians says, Your husband, lay down your life for your wife.

Love her as Christ, love the church.

Many men don't get this.

But also many women don't get it.

The guy has this responsibility to put his wife before himself.

I understand on the wedding day, you're dating, all that sounds so great.

You get a couple years into it, it's not so easy.

And now you have children?

Throw children into the mix.

You're trying, the inflation's so high.

We live in a culture, it's very hard for one person to have a job and then the other one just stay at home.

That was wonderful for everyone that enjoyed that.

We live in a time, it's almost impossible unless you've got a baller job or dealing drugs.

Don't admit if you're dealing drugs.

Just make sure you tithe.

I'm just joking.

God will take the money from the evil, does not?

Says the Bible verse says that.

Amen.

I'm joking, by the way.

We don't play the lottery, but I have prayed this prayer a couple times.

Lord, I ask you to send someone to give us a lottery ticket that would win.

Be honest if you prayed that.

Come on.

Be honest, church.

Yeah, got two honest people in here.

The rest of y'all, whatever.

You're like, hey, I buy lottery tickets.

We'll repent.

I don't know where I'm going with this.

But I hit that drink again.

You have the friend first father.

This is a modern overcorrection against harsh fathering.

I see guys with this.

It's interesting when you start learning about this.

I see things.

I, you know, I watch even like different preachers and teachers and ministers, I can tell you what their daddy issues are by the message they're saying, by the message they're over-emphasizing.

There's a movement in church where it's like daddy got his friend.

Well, he's not he's not a Lord to be feared.

I understand you had a harsh father that didn't love you, so now you're trying to over you're trying to overfix it in your Christian faith in teaching and ministry.

How many songs?

There's a worship movement of people with daddy issues that are making songs that are not fully in alignment with the word of God.

And people are just like, oh my gosh, this is the presence of Jesus.

I'm like, it's not leading you to repentance.

It's it's just making you emotionally happy.

Jesus even had to take his disciples.

You know, he had to take his disciples, very guys follow him at some point, and they say, Hey, listen, you don't know what spirit you're of.

Sometimes other spirits can feel like Holy Spirit.

The devil comes as an angel of light.

The friend first father, the dad wants to be like, dad avoids discipline, dad negotiates everything, dad does not want his child upset, dad confuses emotional closeness with biblical parenting, and dad becomes the buddy instead of the father.

In order to be a father, what you're gonna have to do is you're gonna have to face rejection sometimes.

You're gonna have to face your children and even sometimes your wife, not fully liking or agreeing with the direction you're heading, you're heading.

The point of a leader is that when the current is going one way, you step in and say, No, we're going that way.

If everyone naturally went the right way, we wouldn't need a leader.

That's the point of leadership.

That's the point of honor.

That when everything is going against us, and you know what?

Sometimes your kids are gonna be angry with you, they're gonna fight against you, they're not gonna understand, they're gonna make accusations.

The enemy loves that, by the way.

You don't love me, you're not a man of God, you're false, and you're gonna have to stand up and take it, but not fold.

That's being a father, not to be their friend.

And I see that it's so popular.

Hey, bud, come here.

Hey, you know what?

You just choose whatever you want for your life.

Oh, you don't want to go to church?

That's cool, man.

Don't know where that came from.

A father trains up his child in the way he should go.

That means listen, listen, son, listen, daughter, we're going this way.

When you're in my house, you obey my rules.

We're gonna honor the Lord.

Oh, we're not gonna let that music, that filth, that junk in our life.

Oh, I'm gonna monitor who you're hanging out with.

Oh, I'm gonna make sure that we're governing our time right.

Actually, show up to church.

I train you up, and then when you're an adult, you can choose it.

But until then, we're going this way.

But we live in a culture that doesn't like dads.

We live in a culture that is actively against the biblical model of a father.

So, men, I told you, I'm gonna encourage you.

I promise.

I told you, yeah, I know.

She's telling me off over there.

I know, listen, I got a one after.

I know baby language.

My baby's like, bah, bah, bah.

I'm like, don't you talk to me like that.

Yesterday he wanted me to hold him.

I was doing something, I was getting something out of the fridge.

He came up beside me.

He always comes in and he's like, and I'm starting like one second, all of a sudden he like pushed me.

I'm like, bro.

I'm like, it's getting real.

He's only one and a half.

My gosh.

We are meant to be close.

There is a friendship to fatherhood, but that's not that's not the end goal.

And it's hard if you struggle with rejection, a fear of rejection.

I just want them to like me.

This is gonna be one of the things that's gonna have to break, dads.

It's a fear of rejection.

There's gonna be times even wifey's not gonna be on the same page.

And we also live in a culture where Jezebel's ringing most homes.

Some of you don't know the spiritual talk.

It's where mom thinks she runs the home.

It's where mom gets her way, it's where mom gets overly emotional, intimidating, manipulating, controlling, and tries to take your place as head of the house.

Oh, because she's wiser.

Oh, yeah, okay, so now you could be head of the house.

That's what God wanted.

And we have a culture, a feminist movement.

Stick with me.

The feminist movement did some good things.

They pointed out some things that were wrong.

I get it.

But they took it too far.

We don't need men, we don't need fathers.

Anything masculine is unhealthy.

Look at our culture, guys.

If y'all go on social media, seriously look at it, what is the theme?

We tap into this stuff all day long and scroll, and we don't realize that we're being hypnotized by the demonic.

Go on media.

I could tell you what the writers of most shows, the daddy issues that they have.

The dad is dumb, he doesn't care, he's not there, he's unaware, he's incompetent.

And we sit and we get fed from this stuff, and all of a sudden we think we have a correct perspective of a father, and then Jesus comes and says, I'm trying to lead you to the father, and we don't connect with that.

We just connect with Jesus, and we miss the very point of his coming to lead us to a father.

Dads, this is the encouragement today.

I want you to hear me.

No dad's perfect on this earth.

No dad's perfect.

We've all got issues.

Maybe some of you who've had pain from your dad, you know what?

You probably still had a little orphan boy trying to figure out in this big dark world and has pain.

You men are called to an impossible role to be the father of their home, the husband to their wife, to be the provider, to figure all this stuff out, and then you got culture working against him at the same time.

A lot of guys today have just tapped out.

A lot of guys today have daddy issues, so they don't know how to relate to the father.

So they don't have a personal connection with God.

They got a shame-based belief system that keeps the weight of their shame on them, the weight of life responsibilities on them now, and they're just alone and they have no idea how to fix this.

Jesus shows us how to fix this.

He comes and he says, Listen, when you pray, I want you to pray Father.

I'm leading you to a Father.

And for some of you, the term using Father, you're saying I can hear this right now.

You're like, I don't know how to relate to this, I don't know how to fix it.

God's not asking you to figure out how to fix it.

Let me read a verse to you.

Galatians 4, 6, it says this, and and be uh, and because we are his children, God has sent the spirit of his son into our hearts.

Check this out.

Because we are his children.

I know, listen to the details.

Because we are his children, God has sent his spirit into our hearts, and you received God's Spirit when He adopted you as His own children.

Now we call Him Abba Father.

I've read this, I've read verses like this my whole life.

And just started ringing on to me because here's the thing I'm like, Lord, if people have these father issues and these pains, how do they fix it?

I felt like the Holy Spirit said, they're not supposed to fix it.

I'm gonna fix it.

I'm not expecting you to all of a sudden to flip a switch and all of a sudden, okay, I worship God the Father now.

I'm expecting you to come to him humbly and saying, Lord, I don't know how to relate to you like this.

And that term, Father brings pain to me.

Will you please help me?

Because he says, I'm giving you my spirit.

I've adopted you as my children.

That's how God breaks the cycle, by the way.

It's not because someone wakes up and says, I'm gonna be a better dad.

It's because someone wakes up and says, I need a savior that will take me to a father that will heal my heart and fix the generational cycle of pain.

You're not gonna fix your daddy issues.

You need to come to the perfect father who will.

And you say, I don't know how to relate to him, then ask him.

Jesus says, Seek and you will what?

Knock and good job.

Please stand.

For God knew his people in advance and he chose them to become like his son, so that his son would be the firstborn of my many brothers and sisters.

This hit me like really hard this weekend prepping for this message.

I want to ask a question.

Do you think that Jesus and the Heavenly Father had a close connection?

Do you think that the God the Father heard his son Jesus' prayers?

Fair?

Yeah.

Do you know that you're supposed to have that same relationship with the Father?

Simple question.

Do you believe that?

When you pray, do you believe that God's listened to you just like he listened to his son Jesus?

Don't answer out loud.

Answer to yourself and be honest.

We can play the hokey pokey church stuff.

Well, every yeah, amen.

And we can disconnect in our heart.

Ephesians 2.18.

And now all of us can come to the Father through the same Holy Spirit because of what Christ has done for us.

Jesus is the way to the Father.

Men, some of you are here today, and you've been like an orphan trying to lead your home and trying to take all tackle all the cares of life.

Maybe you've been an orphan for a long time, trying to perform, trying to live up to something, trying to just figure it all out.

And guys, we have tenacity.

We'll try to do it.

I've tried to do it.

I just gotta be stronger.

I just gotta fix this.

Something really wonderful is happening to me this year.

I've um I'm not I'm not I've not been just like a fake Christian, but I realize there's so many areas of my life that hasn't been real.

That I'll say things, but I ask myself, do I really do that?

I'm like, no.

I've been getting very honest before the Lord in my confession of sin.

But here's the thing, I've been getting very honest about my need for his help because I've had that performance-driven thing.

I've just got to do this, I've got to figure this out on my own.

And when a when a man does this, he's gonna become fearful, he'll become angry, he'll become short, he won't be able to provide for his family what a father is meant to be, because a father is meant to come to minister from the overflow from being a son.

Lord, I just lift up every person under the sound of my voice, Father.

You know their situation, you know their life.

You see them and you're near to them.

Holy Spirit, in this moment, I ask that you'd minister the Father's love to them.

That you are not alone, that you have a provider and a protector and someone that you can call upon at any time.

Anytime you're stressed, you can call upon him.

Anytime you're afraid, you can call upon him to help.

Anytime you're intimidated or uncertain, you can call upon him.

Anytime, even when you have wants and things that are needs, you call upon him.

You have a father who is near to you.

You have an Abba.

And the way that you get to him is not because you're perfect and figure it all out.

You can have a horrible past, you could have failed miserably.

There's a God that through the blood of Jesus that can wash you white as snow.

It's not because you earn it, it's because of his grace and mercy.

We are all sinners, we've all fallen short of the glory of God.

We can let that self-righteousness die at the altar.

Because of Jesus, we now have a way to the Father, and we have a spirit inside of us that can lead us in that relationship, that can reveal us and lead us in all truth.

With everyone closing your eyes, I want to ask this question.

If you're here today and you're saying, David, I've never established, I've never said, I've never said yes to God.

And you want to say yes to God today.

I'm not gonna pull you out, I'm not gonna embarrass you, and everyone's eyes are closed.

I want you to raise your hand, please.

I'm gonna wait a couple seconds.

Thank you.

You can lower your hand.

Thank you, Jesus.

That wants to be in relationship with a perfect Father.

Just say this prayer out loud with me.

We're gonna say it together.

Say, Father, I come to you, unworthy of you, but because of your son, I can now come.

I am a sinner, and I ask for your grace and your and your mercy, and I ask for the blood of your son to cleanse me.

I ask you to come into my heart and be the Lord of my life.

And I say that you are my father and that you'd help me through the power of your spirit to understand and accept you as a father.

Lord, heal my wounds.

Lord, heal my wounds that have been caused from a father.

Lord, heal my perspective of what it means to be a father.

I cannot do anything without you.

I need you.

In Jesus' name we say, Amen, amen, amen.

I um this was a very important message today, not because I'm, you know, geek out on my own over my own stuff.

This was an important message for some people to hear today and people online to hear.

And I want you to hear this.

Um the devil did not want this message today.

I was up, I was having the weirdest dreams last night.

I've had a great week, awesome dreams.

I got like three or four just a tack of dreams.

I kid you not.

And when I got here this morning, there felt like there was such a heaviness in this room.

Y'all know what I'm talking about.

And I was sitting there, I'm like, Lord, you're gonna have to help.

The enemy does not want some of you getting what is happening in this room today.

All the distractions, kicking over drinks.

I never do that.

I'm really cool.

Lord, I pray that you'd seal what's been said today.

I pray, Father, the healing that needs to play, take place in people's lives, the reconciliation, the restoration.

Father, I ask that you would do that today, God.

Go to those places that we've not been able to go to and heal them in the name of Jesus, restore them.

I call them into sonship, Father.

I call them into faith and confidence, and I rebuke the plan of the enemy over their life, the enemy over their generations.

I speak the blood of Jesus and the power of God over their lives, over their family, over their ability to be a father in the mighty name of Jesus.

And lastly, church, one of the ways that we can break the generational cycles, we can honor our fathers.

And to some of you, that seems impossible.

To honor your father, are you kidding me?

Honor doesn't respond to the behavior, it responds to the God-given role.

And for some of you, the best thing that you can do is you can thank God for the seed of life that you got for your father.

And the other way that you can honor them is you can forgive them in your heart.

Did you all hear that?

And for some of you, I also know this too, because I'm not up here with a mic just saying a bunch of stuff, okay?

I understand for some of you that seems impossible.

That too, you go to the Father.

Lord, I'm incapable of doing this, but will you help me to forgive my father?

Are y'all with me?

Some of these things are too hard.

That's the point.

He wants you coming to him.

Please help me.

But you forgive your father and you don't curse him, you don't wish ill for him, you don't want God's visions.

You ask for mercy over his life.

That's how you honor your father.

And if your father's in your home and he's trying to listen, why don't you thank him?

And and wives, why don't you honor his place?

Why don't you go before the Lord?

When I said Jezebel's spirit, I felt like some women here all of a sudden they've got a little bit uptight, like, oh, what's going on?

Do this.

I'll do this.

Come before the Lord.

And if you find yourself not willing to do this, this is a good symptom that you probably got this issue.

Come before the Lord, just like David, and say, Lord, am I guilty of not treating my husband with honor and respect like I should be?

And let the Holy Spirit talk.

If you're good, you're good.

But are you willing to get before him and say, Am I guilty of entertaining the Jezebel spirit in my household?

And also, ladies, something else you can do, and guys, you'll thank me later, is that you can stop withholding sex from your husband to control him.

Just got real quiet.

We want revival in the homes.

You want your man to you want your man to be the father of your home?

Then treat him like the father of your children.

Respect him in front of the children.

Because what you're showing your children is how do we respond to God the Father?

Do we run over him, just expect him for handouts?

Are y'all hearing me?

We want revival in our homes.

Let's get real.

Let's get into repentance.

Amen.

And also, if you're a single mother here today, I want to encourage you that God the Father is fathering you.

God the Father is with you.

He is your provider, he's your protector.

If you're meant to get married and the man's meant to come into your life, then it's going to happen.

It'll be good.

But trust God, don't force it, don't rush it.

Amen.

I love y'all, church.

Was that okay?

All right.

Fathers, we love you.

We honor you today.

I thank you so much for your faithfulness and go and have a good day in the name of Jesus.

Amen.