Grief, Guilt, and the Grace-Filled Path to Forgiveness

The following resource is brought to you by Real Life Community Church in Richmond, Kentucky.

We hope you're both challenged and encouraged by this message from Pastor Chris May.

Finding your Bible.

2 Corinthians 7, verses 8-11.

2 Corinthians 7:8–11

I'll read that in a moment.

I'm going to take a break from Matthew.

Today I just felt really strongly that I needed to preach something else this week.

Two weeks ago we looked at a very hard-hitting passage in Matthew 18 about forgiveness.

The idea is in that text that we who have been shown much mercy and forgiveness by the Lord must in turn it's not optional forgive those who have sinned against us.

So, jesus, very strong words at the end of that parable is that the essence of what he was saying is listen.

If you do not forgive, you will not be forgiven.

This week I've been.

I felt in my heart that I needed to preach on forgiveness again, but a different element of forgiveness, and that is the element of the forgiveness of self.

The forgiveness of self.

Now, I'm cautious to use that terminology because it sounds kind of new agey, doesn't it?

Some of you might think we'll do yoga at the end or something we're not going to do, that.

You'll not find the term forgive yourself or the phrase forgive yourself in the Bible, but I do think it is a biblical concept.

See, many of you today and this is a struggle that I've had you have committed a sin in your past, probably many sins and you have repented of those sins, you've turned from them, you've confessed them, you've expressed sorrow for those sins and you would say the Lord has forgiven me.

But yet you are still walking in shame and guilt.

And I just don't believe the Lord wants you to continue to walk in shame and guilt for those sins.

There's a wonderful scripture, 1 John 1, 9, that says and we love that, we quote this first part a lot if we confess our sins, he God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.

We know that part and we say amen, we're forgiven.

But then what's the next part?

And to cleanse us from all unrighteousness, last Wednesday something happened with one of the main water lines here in Madison County and consequently we lost water for several hours on Wednesday.

Did that happen to anybody else in here?

Okay, a few of you, joe.

It must have been out our way, but for several hours we were without water and I happened to work outside all day on Wednesday and I was nasty, sweaty, grimy, and if you were near me you know I was smelly as well.

And so I go home.

It's about, you know, five o'clock and you know we have church on Wednesday night.

So I go home and the water's still out.

It's like you're kidding me.

You're kidding me, and I was like I'm going to be in counter night on this last Wednesday where we, we pray for people.

You know, we're up in people's faces and all that kind of stuff and I'm like man, I smell so bad.

And so I actually come to church and I sit in the parking lot and I felt disgusting, I felt gross and I was exhausted.

I'd been working since 2 30 that morning and I was exhausted and I just felt gross and Tyler came up to my truck and I was just sitting there.

He goes what are you doing?

I said I think I'm going home and today that I went to.

I went home on Wednesday and Pastor Jerry led the service for me.

But listen, that next morning, when the water came on, that shower was delightful.

I mean, I just felt so refreshed and so cleansed and it's isn't it amazing how, like, a warm shower will do that when you've been working outside all day.

You know, today, here's what I believe some of you, for sins that you have repented of, you feel grimy, you feel disgusting, you feel dirty, you feel shameful and I just believe today that God wants to refresh you and to cleanse you, and so I hope that happens for you this morning.

I don't know what you're carrying.

Perhaps you committed adultery years ago and your spouse has forgiven you and the Lord has forgiven you and you've turned from that sin, but you still carry it.

Maybe it's a former drug addiction or some other kind of addiction and you know, in that state of addiction it cost your family, those you love the most.

It cost them dearly, and they forgiven you and you've repented and you're clean and the Lord has helped you and he's forgiven you, but you still carry that weight.

I don't know what it is for you, but I pray, whatever it is, that you would realize that not only does the Lord want to forgive you, but he wants to cleanse you as well, amen.

So before I jump into our text, let me just give you a little background of what's happening here.

Paul wrote another letter to the Corinthian church.

Besides first and second Corinthians, the books we have in our Bible, he wrote another letter that was apparently very harsh and very stern and it was about a sin or sins plural that were being entertained by the church in Corinth, and then they were entertaining false prophets and some other things too.

And so Paul writes them, out of love, a very stern letter, and he wanted them to grieve over their sin, but not to crush them.

His goal was to help them and to lead them to a state of repentance.

That was the aim, that was the goal.

And so Paul received a letter back from them, or from Titus.

He received news to realize listen, they got the letter, they read it, they grieved and they repented.

They actually repented of their sin, and they are.

So Paul is so happy, he's so happy that they have actually repented.

And so then he writes these words so stand with me.

2 Corinthians, chapter 7, verses 8 through 11.

2 Corinthians 7:8–11

He writes these words even if I for even if I made you grieve with my letter, I do not regret it, though I did regret it, for I see that the letter grieved you, though only for a little while.

As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but watch this because you were grieved into repenting, for you felt a godly grief so that you suffered no loss through us, for godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death, for you know that, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that excuse me for what earnestness this godly grief has produced in you, but also what eagerness to clear yourselves.

One indignation, what fear, what longing, what zeal, what punishment.

At every point you have proved yourself innocent in the matter.

It's the word of the Lord and you may be seated.

So the main point today is that when we sin, we should grieve.

Sin should make us grieve, but there is a right way to grieve and there is a wrong way to grieve.

This morning I'm going to borrow from Charlie Brown and call the message good grief.

Alright, so let's look at these two types of grief that Paul lays out.

So there's two types of grief one over sin, one is godly grief and one Paul calls worldly grief.

So let's look at godly grief first.

First in, for godly grief produces repentance that leads to salvation without regret.

There is such thing as a godly grief.

Think of this.

Paul is writing to Christians, and Christians still sin from time to time.

Our sins should not be pervasive, but we do sin and when we sin listen we ought to grieve over that sin.

We ought to care about what we've done to the name of Christ.

When we sinned, we ought to care that we've broken the heart of God.

When we sin, we ought to grieve, because we normally hurt other people around us when we sin.

But there is a godly kind of grieving and this is a good kind of grieving because it leads us to repentance.

Same day, wednesday, was kind of a bad day for me.

I was climbing a ladder and I felt something in my knee and realized I had nicked my knee and had blood running down my leg.

And you know, when we get hurt we have pain.

It's a gift, even though we'd rather not feel it.

Sometimes that pain was an indicator that I needed to attend to that wound less the leg become infected and so on and so forth.

And so it's like that in grief, when we are convicted, when we grieve over our sin, when the Holy Spirit reminds us that we have sinned against the Holy God, it is a give.

That grief is a gift of grace because it moves us to repentance.

It moves us to repentance.

That's godly grief.

And listen, this godly kind of grief over sin is supposed to be temporary.

You're not supposed to grieve the rest of your life over a sin you committed 20 years ago.

Are you with me.

That would be shame, and God does not want us to walk in shame.

So that's godly grief.

But then he talks about another kind of grief.

Where is Dylan at?

Can you take some of these highs out out here?

It's a shrieking.

Do I really sound like this guy?

Yeah, that's like my.

I'm going to talk like this, okay, all right.

So worldly grief, please cut that out of the recording before you put it up.

Worldly grief.

Look at verse 10 again, for godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces what Death produces death.

See, godly grief says this Lord, I'm sorry.

You know what worldly grief says I'm sorry I got caught, or I'm sorry for the consequences.

And there's a big difference, godly grief.

In our grieving we run to Jesus for mercy.

When we've sinned, in worldly grief, what do we try to do?

We try to fix our sin ourselves.

We try to make up for our sin.

Worldly grief, it leads to shame, but in Christ there's no condemnation.

Are you grateful for that?

There's no shame.

You see the difference.

Godly grief reminds us that our identity is in Jesus, that we are more than our sin.

But you know what worldly grief does?

It reduces you to your sin.

I'm an alcoholic, I'm an adulterer, I'm a liar.

It reduces you to your sin.

But no, when you sin and you're in Christ, you're reminded.

I'm more than this sin.

My identity is not in this sin, it is in the Lord Jesus Christ.

So when we sin, to recap, we should grieve, and there is a good way to grieve the Godly grief, and there's a wrong way to grieve Worldly grief.

And so what I want to do quickly is I want to look at a case study in the Bible.

I want to look at two men in Luke, chapter 22.

Luke 22 · chapter mention

Two disciples, as a matter of fact, judas and Peter, who both in Luke 22, betray the Lord Jesus Christ.

Luke sells him out, peter denies him.

So let's look at these two characters in the Bible.

So let's look at Judas first.

Let's go to the book of Luke and go to chapter 22.

And look at verses 3 through 5 with me.

It says Satan entered into Judas called Ascariot, who was one of the 12, one of the 12 disciples.

He went away and conferred with the chief priest and officers how he might betray him to them, and they were glad and agreed to give him money.

So he consented and sought an opportunity to betray him to them in the absence of a crowd Beloved.

This is messed up.

Judas has been with Jesus some three and a half years.

He has walked with Jesus.

He has seen the miracles.

He has seen Jesus do all these great things.

He's seen the compassion that Jesus has poured out upon the crowds, healing the sick, delivering the oppressed, even raising the dead, forgiving the sinner.

He has seen Jesus love sacrificially.

Judas himself has been invited to be part of this inner circle, to be amongst the 12 disciples.

Jesus chose him, and yet greed has filled the heart of Judas.

He has left his heart open to Satan and Satan has taken full advantage.

And now Judas sells him out from here 30 pieces of silver.

Judas has betrayed Jesus.

And then we have a little later, in chapter 22.

We have the disciple that we're familiar with by the name of Peter.

Look at verses 33 and 34.

Peter said to him Lord, this is in the upper room.

And Peter says, lord, I'm ready to go with you to both prison and to death.

And Jesus said I tell you, peter, the rooster will not crow this day until you deny me three times you deny three times that you know me.

Think of this.

I mean, I can relate to Peter, can't you?

I mean Peter, he's a leader amongst the disciples, he really loves the Lord, but he's always putting his foot in his mouth and he's always doing really foolish things.

And Peter thinks here, he knows Jesus is about to be arrested and he says Jesus, I'm with you to the end.

Oh Lord, I won't back down.

You're arrested, let them arrest me.

You die, I'll die with you.

And he just speaks without thinking.

But Jesus knows Peter better than Peter knows himself.

And he prophesies.

He says, peter, before the rooster crows, you're going to deny me three times Peter's thinking.

No way, not on your life.

But what does Peter do?

Jesus is arrested.

A little girl comes up to Peter, says I know you, I've seen you.

Hey, this man was with Jesus.

And Peter says little girl, you're crazy, I don't even know him.

Two other people approach Peter and say this is him, this is a Galilean, one of the 12.

And Peter says I've never even met the man, peter, who got to be not only one of the 12, but he's one who got to go up on the Mount of Transfiguration.

Peter, james and John got to be in the most intimate circle with Jesus.

He loves the Lord, but what's he do?

He denies him when the Lord is in his most vulnerable position after his arrest.

I don't even know him.

Peter says so.

Peter and Judas both in some sense betray Jesus.

Are you with me?

I want you to see also.

They both grieve.

They both grieve.

So go with me now to Matthew.

You know how to go to Matthew.

At least once in the sermon.

Let's go to Matthew, chapter 27.

Matthew 27 · chapter mention

Matthew 27, and let's go verses three and four.

Then, when Judas excuse me, yeah, so this is Judas when Judas, his betrayer, saw that Jesus was condemned, he changed his mind and he brought back the 30 pieces of silver to the chief priest and the elder, saying I've sinned by betraying innocent blood.

And they said what is that to us?

See to it yourself.

And throwing down the 30 pieces of silver into the temple, he departed and he went and hanged himself.

Judas grieves over what he has done, but I want you to notice his kind of grief.

He knows that he is called trouble.

He knows that he's in trouble, but there's no indication that he goes to the Lord for mercy.

God, have mercy upon me, a sinner.

Do you see that in the text?

No, it's not there.

What he does is what worldly grief produces.

It's the action that worldly grief produces.

He tries to take the money back to the temple, throws it down and says hey, I've made a mistake, take this back, I'm going to undo what I've done.

In other words, judas thinks he can fix this situation himself.

And this is the way the world handles grief over their sins or their misdoings.

What do they do?

Normally they say, well, I'm going to do a lot of charity so that I can make up for what I've done wrong, so that the good will outweigh the bad.

But does that work?

It doesn't.

Judas cannot undo what he's done.

Those sins that you are hanging onto, that you're still walking in shame listen, you can undo them.

You've got to come to terms with that.

You cannot undo them.

That's what Judas tried to do.

And I'm not saying that we don't try to make amends.

I think it's good to do that in certain situations.

But Judas is trying to take back what he's done and he can't do it.

So he's sorry, but he's expressing a worldly grief.

But let's look at Peter now.

Go with me back to Luke 22.

Luke 22, and look at verses 61 and 62.

So the rooster has just crowed, peter has denied Jesus three times, and I don't know if you've ever noticed this part of the text, but let this just meditate on this for a second.

So the rooster is crowed and the Lord turned and looked at Peter.

Peter has just denied Jesus three times.

Jesus torment has begun as he's being mocked and he's been arrested and Peter denies him three times.

And he's close enough that Jesus hears the rooster crow and he turns to Peter and he makes eye contact with him and look what Peter does.

Mrs Peter, remember the saying of the Lord before the rooster crows?

Today you'll deny me three times.

And Peter went out and he wept bitterly.

Has this ever happened to you?

When you realize you have broken the heart of God, you realize you've broken the heart of your spouse or somebody who you love a mother, a father, brother, a sister, friend and the sin all of a sudden hits you and you just fall down and you weep bitterly.

Peter is experiencing here a godly grief and this grief, we know it's implied and we know from the rest of his life it leads him to repentance, to seek the mercy of God.

He doesn't try to fix this himself.

He doesn't go back and say, oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, let me change my answer.

No, he just weeps bitterly, as if to say Lord, I have messed up.

That's what godly grief looks like.

So let's look at the outcomes now.

Judas, who has experienced or exemplified worldly grief, what does he do?

He's now in condemnation.

He sees no way out of this.

The guilt is more than he can bear.

He can't fix his problem.

He realizes that he can't give the money back.

Judas has been in ministry now three and a half years with Jesus.

I mean, he's cast out demons, he's healed the sick in Jesus name, he's done all these things.

But his ministry is over.

He believes the Lord can never use me again.

I can't fix it, god can't use me.

So what does Judas do?

He goes out and he hangs himself.

He ends his life.

Because what does Paul say in 2 Corinthians 7?

Worldly grief leads to what?

Death?

Worldly grief leads to death.

But Peter, on the other hand, peter's grief is only temporary, and I want to show you just a beautiful text here.

Go Well, actually, let me just read this for you, for time's sake John 21 17.

So Jesus has now been crucified, he's now raised from the dead and he appears to his disciples.

And you want to guess who he calls out?

He calls out Peter, the one who denies him.

And this is really interesting.

He asked Peter three times if he loves him, and I've never made this connection for him.

This just hit me this morning.

Do you think there's any correlation between the three denials and the three questions that Jesus asked Peter?

Peter denied him.

I don't know him.

I don't know him, I don't know him.

And now, post resurrection, jesus has come here.

Peter, do you love me?

Yes, I love you, lord.

Peter, do you love me?

Yes, I love you, lord.

Peter, do you love me?

Yes, I love you, lord.

And then here's what Jesus does.

Here's what he says to him.

Then Peter feed my sheep, and you know what's so beautiful about this Peter still gets to be a shepherd, he still gets to be a minister, he still gets to be an apostle, though he denied the Lord three times.

And Jesus is saying listen, you've come to me, your sins are washed away and your past does not define your future.

Somebody needs to hear that today, because you are sitting there and you are not engaged in the ministry that God has called you to because of something you did 10, 20 years ago Because you think it's over.

The Lord could never use me again.

Listen, that sin should cause you to grieve, but the grief should lead you to repentance.

And then you've got to let it go and praise the Lord that he's a forgiving God, he's a magnanimous God, he's a gracious God.

He doesn't want you walking in that shame, beloved.

I have struggled with this.

I've sometimes brought up to my you know, I've thought in my mind things I've done years and years ago and think maybe I shouldn't be doing what I'm standing here doing right now.

But I heard somebody say this long ago, and I'll say it to you again today, that if the devil wants to remind you of what you did last week, last month, last year, last, you know, a decade ago, that's all right.

Let him take you back, but don't let him stop there.

You take him all the way back to 2000 years ago, at a mountain called Calvary, where your sin was paid for and you were declared there forgiven.

Your sins are forgiven with world, with God.

The grief your past doesn't determine your future.

So why is this so important?

Why is this so important that we learn to forgive ourselves, and how do we do it?

Self condemnation is the devil's playground.

You will never sense the peace of God, you will never sense the joy of the Lord, you will never sense the grace of God.

You may call yourself a Christian, but those, those benefits of your salvation, the joy of the Lord, the peace of the Lord and so on, you'll never.

You'll never have those appropriated to you because you're walking around in shame Again.

You'll never.

You'll never.

Your ministry will never be maximized, because you'll never think man, you'll always think God could never use me Unforgiveness in any way.

It's a prison.

We learned that two weeks ago.

It's a prison.

So if you will not forgive yourself for something God's forgiving you of, you are in a prison.

Today, you are in torment, just like if you were to withhold forgiveness from someone else.

That's a prison as well.

So how do we do this, Bob, do you mind to come to the keys?

How do we do this?

Does anybody else struggle with, with forgiving yourself?

Am I the only one?

Yeah, this is tough.

How do we do it?

Well, I'm gonna be take a risk of being a little corny today and say there's an art to it, a-r-t.

So I'm going to give you an acronym.

So write this down A-R-T.

How do you forgive yourself of past sins?

A, acknowledge, r, repent and T, take.

Acknowledge, repent, take.

So number one acknowledge your sin.

So to be forgiven is doesn't mean and to you know.

And to walk in victory and forgive yourself doesn't mean that you don't acknowledge your sin.

What's that first verse say that I read in 1 John 1 9?

.

Confess your sins.

If you confess your sins, he's faithful and just to forgive you and to cleanse you from all unrighteousness.

You want to forgive yourself.

You've got to confess your sin and own it.

You own it, okay, and you grieve over it.

It ought to grieve your heart.

My sin ought to grieve my heart.

And if you've sinned against somebody, somebody else, what does James say?

Confess your sins, not only to God but to one another, that you might be healed.

So confess it, acknowledge your sin.

A.

Then we have the letter R, that is repent.

What does repent mean?

Well, it means to have a change of mind which leads to a change of action.

So don't come to this, say well, pastor, I just can't get rid of this shame.

It's like well, because you're still doing the sin Right, like it's not gonna go away to you Stop it.

To quote Bob Newhart Stop it, stop it.

Repent and turn from it with God's help.

And the number three?

The word would be the T, which is take, and what I mean by that.

Take the cleansing that Jesus offers.

Take the cleansing that Jesus offers, let it go.

And so I want to make a really cool connection in Isaiah 53, this messianic prophecy.

We've been talking about grief, right, godly grief, our grief over sin.

But watch this.

Let me just read to you Isaiah 53.

This is a prophecy about the Messiah who will come and give his life as a ransom for us.

Isaiah 53, 4 and 5.

Surely he has borne our griefs.

Surely he has borne our griefs.

Surely he has borne our griefs and he's carried our sorrows.

Yet we have seen him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions.

He was crushed for our iniquities Upon the chest.

Well, him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

If it were not for the mercy of the Lord, we would have to walk in grief for our sin for the rest of our lives.

But Jesus is at the cross.

Not only did he die and take your punishment, not only so that you could be forgiven and have a right relationship with God.

He also bore your grief.

He took your grief.

He felt the shame of your sin upon him and not his sin.

But he took our sin upon him and he took God's wrath and he took the grief that was due to us.

He took it upon himself and cried out oh God, why have you forsaken me?

So if he took it, why are we trying to carry it still?

I don't know if you have ever watched Shakespeare's Macbeth, but in that Lady Macbeth is ridden with guilt for her part in persuading Macbeth to kill the king.

She's just ridden with guilt.

So one night she's so overcome by her guilt it drives her mad and she begins to hallucinate and she's sleepwalking.

And as she's hallucinating, she looks down at her hands and she sees blood stains and she begins scrubbing her hands profusely and she says I'll change the words for you, but out, dang spot, out dang spot.

She's scrubbing her hands, but the stain won't go away.

She's pleading with the spot to go away.

Matter of fact, even in her, her hallucination, she could smell the stench of blood on her hands.

And she says there's not enough.

The stench is so bad that all the perfunem in Arabia will not cover, it will not make these hands sweet again.

She's trying to scrub out the stain that will never go away.

And if you're here today, all of us have sinned.

And if you do not know the Lord, jesus Christ, you can scrub and scrub and scrub, but the stain of sin will never go away, it just won't.

But Jesus can deal with that stain.

He did deal with it, amen.

And if you're here and you're a Christian, some of you say, yes, god's forgiven me, but you still see the stain.

You still see the stain Today.

Would you just remind yourself that he has given you new garments that are not stained with blood.

He's given you white, impure garments.

And if you have gone to the Lord and you have asked forgiveness of your sin, if you have confessed it, if you have turned from those sins, they're under the blood and you don't have to carry shame and guilt anymore.

Is anybody grateful for that?

Let it go.

Let it go Like every head bowed and every eye closed.

If you've got some particular sin that you did, you've repented of it.

Maybe it was last week, maybe it was last night, maybe it was 10 years ago, maybe it was 50 years ago.

Say, pastor, I'm having trouble letting this go.

Just raise your hand so I can pray for you with nobody looking around.

I see your hands.

Yeah, anybody else, anybody else?

I'll wait.

Just a second Father, for those hands that were raised today.

God, we just ask you that they would understand the gospel this morning and that not only have you forgiven us of our sins, but you have cleansed us of all unrighteousness.

May they, may we all experience today that sense of cleansing as we repent, that sense of cleansing.

Thank you that you can make our hearts clean, thank you that Jesus has borne our griefs, that our iniquity was placed upon Him and through Him we have peace.

We thank you for it, lord, in Jesus' good name, amen.