Marriage: Battle Partners

You're the one I hold on to for the beauty of your name, my soul will live to say, Jesus

I love you, my soul will live to say, Jesus I love you, my soul will live to say, Jesus

I love you.

Heavenly Father, thank you for the opportunity we have to come and to do what we're doing

today.

God, I dare to say that there's a bunch of people in this room who have plates that are completely

full and there's a lot of other things they could be doing right now.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for the time to come and just submit and to humble ourselves

before you.

And those aren't two words that we really like to hear or we like to do a lot of times.

But Lord, if we truly understand what it is that you did for us and the price you paid

for our sins, Lord, we would be joyful to come and to submit and to be humble to you.

And so in these next moments, as we read your word, as we just contemplate some of the

things that you've called us to do as believers and some of the expectations you have for

our life, I pray that we would be humble and that we would submit to you.

It's a privilege to be here and there's many who can't.

So Lord, we pray for our brothers and sisters who are homebound.

God, we pray for Mr. Bruce's family with the loss of his mom this week.

We pray for Brenda Cantrell with the loss of her husband.

Lord, we pray for the people who've had procedures and surgeries this week and God

just be with them.

Thank you that we're able to be here.

God, thank you that we're able to just listen to your voice and let you guide us in these

moments.

Help us to be obedient to you.

Jesus, we love you.

We thank you and we ask all this in your precious and holy name.

All God's people said, Amen.

You may be seated.

Well, if you're new or if you've missed a few weeks, we're in our third week of talking

about marriage and I said at the beginning that as soon as we start talking about this

that me and Hannah would probably start arguing, didn't know it would be over Bible

trivia and had to wear my long sleeves and my collar today to hide the bruises.

So it was brutal last night, man.

I got a twitch.

I have to go see a therapist.

So preface this when we talk about marriage, one of the things that was just really heavy

on my heart is I know we live in a culture where there's so many people around us, even

for ourselves.

Most of us have been affected by divorce in some way or another.

We have family members who've been divorced.

Maybe we've been through a divorce.

Maybe you were a child who saw your parents go through a divorce.

And so in no way, shape or form are we talking about this to shame anyone who's been

through any of that.

One of the things we've said from the beginning is you can't change the past.

You can't undo what's been done.

The only thing that we can do is move forward from this point forward and be obedient

to God the way that he wants us to be.

Now in that we do have to realize that there's a lot of things that God calls us to do

as Christians.

It's very different from the world.

It should not be surprising that the way he's called us to do marriage would be very

different from the way the world does marriage.

So if you're new today, understand this like you may see what you think are good

marriages.

You may see what other people are doing.

You may see what other people are posting online.

Do not try to copy anyone else.

Come humbly before the Lord.

Make this decision in your life where you say, OK, God, I'm not an expert.

I've seen a lot of really bad marriages.

I've seen some good ones.

But Lord, I'm willing to submit to you to read your word, to be obedient in that so

that my marriage will be exactly what you want it to be.

And that should be our desire not to be like somebody else, not to chase after

somebody else's hopes and dreams, but to be what God has called us to be.

And today we're talking about picking your spouse.

And the title of the sermon is Your Battle Partner.

OK, now many of us will desire love, especially you young ladies, you will

desire love.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Men, you will want to feel love, too, in a different way, but you will still

want to feel love.

There's a reason why romantic novels, romantic comedies like they do great in

the box office because we want that.

We love that.

We love the thrill of dating someone, spending time with them, doing all this

stuff. And in the midst of life of what we're doing, we just really need to

understand today that love is a wonderful, beautiful thing.

It's a great blessing from God.

But love can be a very fickle thing and it changes.

And it's an emotion that can change in your life very easily with the drop of a

hat. And if you don't believe, let's read some scripture.

Let's talk about it from God's perspective.

Revelation 2, verses four through five.

The apostle John is on the island of Patmos.

God appears to him and starts giving him all these revelations, all these visions.

And he appears to him and John sees Jesus in his transformed image like his

glorious image.

And he's afraid.

He falls down before Christ and Christ reaches out his hand, strengthens, do not be

afraid, which is something we see in scripture constantly.

Do not be afraid.

He stands John up, says, listen, I want you to take these messages to these

churches and tell them what I'm about to tell you.

So in chapter two, verses four through five, the message he sends to the

church in Ephesus, Ephesians, Book of Ephesians.

This is the church in Ephesus.

But I have this complaint against you.

You don't love me or each other as you did at first.

Look how far you have fallen.

Turn back to me and do the works you did at first.

If you don't repent, I will come and remove your lampstand from its

place among the churches.

So here's Jesus sending this message to the church in Ephesus and he's telling

the entire church, he's like, look, you don't love me like you did at first.

And if we are people who can take Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, if we

really believe what we say, we believe that he's perfect, like he never did

anything wrong.

He loved us before we ever loved him.

He gave up his life so that we may have life.

He gave, he poured out his blood so that we could have eternal life.

And if we can fall out of love with him, we can most certainly fall out

of love with our spouses.

How many times have you ever heard somebody say, we just fell out of love.

We just don't love each other anymore because life happens and it's hard and

situations and circumstances are going to change.

The person that you walked down that aisle with and you stood before God and

you made that covenant with before God may not have turned out to be the man

or the woman that you hoped or imagined that they would be.

And that's not necessarily their fault because you're doing it together.

And so we take a little bit of the blame.

Like we didn't help them become who God wanted them to be.

We didn't help them who become they should be.

But also like we just don't know what the future is going to hold.

You might go into this thing and be broke for the rest of your life.

That's hard.

You might go into this thing thinking you're going to have 10 children

and never have not one child.

And that's hard.

You may come into it not expecting any children have 10 children.

That's really hard.

We don't know.

And if we can fall out of love with the people that we say that we love the

most maybe we shouldn't be necessarily walking around just looking for this

opportunity to have this magic moment.

Love at first sight sounds great sells a lot of books sells a lot of movies.

But man that's tough because the person you can fall in love with maybe

a slob and you don't know it yet.

They may be lazy and you don't know it yet.

They may not brush their teeth and you don't know it yet.

So you better pick somebody that you can go to battle with.

And I say that because if you've ever talked to somebody who's actually

fought in a war there's a camaraderie that they build together that they

don't have with anyone else.

You know we've had we've got a lot of veterans in our church.

Some of them have passed on but the ones who are still living they've

been out of the service for 30 40 50 years.

And they will still go to their reunions with their fellow soldiers like

hours away they'll drive hours to go be with them because they share

something that no one else can possibly understand because they've

spilled blood they've shed blood they've watched people that they

love and care about like die before them.

There's an experience there that's like nobody else can understand

what they've been through together.

And that can translate to the workforce that can translate on the

to many different things because if you go through hard times together

there's a bond that's built between you and the person that you

make it through hard times with it.

Nobody else can understand.

There will always be a bond there.

And so when I say pick your battle partner you need to understand

that as you go into marriage it's going to be a spiritual

battle.

The reason why is because as soon as it starts the first thing

you do is a spiritual thing.

You walk down the aisle you go you make the covenant before

God you quote that covenant you recite that thing together in

front of everyone who's there to witness it and God himself.

And if you miss that one that was sermon one of the series.

And as soon as you say I do Satan is going to be on you like

white on rice glass of milk white paper plate snowstorm.

He's going to try to bust it up and so you better find you a

partner that you know that you can go to battle with.

Second Corinthians chapter 6 14 to 18 Paul writes and says don't

2 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

team up with those who are unbelievers.

How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness.

How can light live with darkness.

What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil.

How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever.

And what union can there be between God's temple and idols.

For we are the temple of the living God as God said I will

live in them and walk among them.

I will be their God and they will be my people.

Therefore come out from among unbelievers and separate

yourselves from them says the Lord don't touch their filthy

things and I will welcome you.

I will be your father and you will be my sons and daughters

says the Lord Almighty.

That's a great promise to have but it's a very specific calling

that we have as Christians to really make sure that we are

not putting ourselves in a situation where we can be

affected or drug down or manipulated by people who do not

believe in God and serve him and are devoted to him in the

same way that we are.

The first thing we should be looking for is someone that we

can do life with and go to battle with is a real Christian.

Point number one.

Merry a real Christian.

Now this sounds simple but man it's so important because

there's a lot of people out there who can say it.

They got a lot of good words to say.

They can they can speak the name of Jesus that they can

talk a game they dress nice they go to church they'll play

the part but remember Jesus said to those who called him

Lord and cast out demons and done mighty works in his name

depart from me.

I don't know you.

There's a lot of people who can say they know Jesus and

not know him.

So we need to find people who are real Christians because the

truth is most people aren't going out in our community in

our society and saying yeah I live for the devil.

He's my best friend.

I like him that I do stuff for him.

Nobody's saying that but in truth we live in a society where

people are very much internally self focused.

It's all about self health self wealth.

I want to prosper.

I want to be the best me.

I'm going to look out for me to make sure I'm doing good and

that added in itself.

There's nothing more satanic than for somebody who lives

their life completely focused on themselves.

That's exactly what Satan did.

He rebelled against God.

He tried to promote himself to be worshiped above God.

And if we as people live our lives completely internally

focused on ourselves we're basically following in the

footsteps of Satan.

And that sounds really weird.

Nobody would like know that or think that but when you get

down to the nitty gritty of it that's exactly what it was.

People who lived their lives for themselves are their own

gods.

And if life is all about them you better know and

understand that eventually one day they'll expect you to bow

down to them too.

So the spouse that you pick could very easily become your

idol if you're not careful because if you're committed to

making the covenant last and they're all about them you're

going to have to be all about them in order to honor the

covenant that you made.

And there's a lot of people who've put their spouses in

those situations many many times.

So you got to marry somebody who's a real Christian.

And you do that by looking at their fruits because there's a

lot of people who say they've accepted Jesus as Lord and

Savior.

There's very few people who's actually filled with the

spirit of God.

The fruits of the spirit love joy peace patience kindness

goodness gentleness faithfulness self-control non

fruits of the spirit that should be evident in every

believer's life.

Those are not things that necessarily become natural.

They will be things that God has to work in your life on but

they should be things that are pretty evident that we

should be able to observe.

So the trick is is when you're talking to people and

you're looking at dating so you young people if you're

dating thinking about getting married don't listen to the

words that the person you're dating saying watch them watch

what they do.

Don't listen to what they're telling you on a date

night across from the table and they're just speaking

these things.

Watch what they do.

Watch how they interact with other people.

Look at their life.

Look at the disciplines of their life.

Look at their commitments.

Look at their friends.

There's nothing more revealing about a person than the

people they surround themselves with and it doesn't

matter whether you're five or whether you're 70 you

surround yourselves with the wrong people you will

become like them.

You aren't that strong no matter how old we are.

Watch how they treat everyone and listen at how they

talk about everyone else.

You know me and Hannah joke a lot of times because

we'll be around different people a lot family members

you know just different things and we'll hear them

say stuff about other people and the first thing we'll

say when we get in the car is like I wonder if they

talk about us like that if they're talking about

other people like that they'll talk about you like

that.

And you observe these people that you're dating that

you're thinking about marrying you need to observe

them in stressful hard situations.

Don't go out on dates.

Don't go don't don't go do fun things.

That's easy.

Those are celebration times.

Those are times when everybody's going to look

their best you're going to smell your best you're

going to dress your best you're going to have

you're going to practice all the answers you have

everything say go do something hard together.

You want to know who somebody is watch them in

a hard situation.

One of the most memorable moments of my faith in my

life was whenever I was in youth group and I

probably shared this before I was like 16 years

old first saved we go out somewhere we're doing a

youth event and I can't remember exactly what

happens but whoever was in charge of the place

we were at was not cooperating and had to

really kind of like mess some stuff up.

And if you know Greg Edmonds Greg Edmonds is

like one of the most like he's just he's

different OK.

And I remember I would have been hot.

I was wanting to just like go up there and just

like start chewing this guy out because that's

the way I was raised.

You say what's on your mind you let it fly and

then you might apologize but probably not

afterward.

And Greg handled it with such grace and I could

tell he was furious like you could see it in

him. He was fierce and handled it with such

grace totally different outcome ended up being

really good like work through that situation.

And I can remember as a 16 year old looking at

that thinking like man that's totally different

than how I would have handled it.

And it was so much better and the result was as

good as I could have ever asked for it to be if

I would have been hollering and screaming

about it. And that stood out to me.

And if you want to know who somebody is watch

them in the hard times watch them when things

get hard because then the things that are

coming out of their mouth is really what's

down deep that they're maybe keeping back.

Then the way they're treating people you can

see how they're going to treat you because

you can guarantee this whenever you get

these going to be some tough days and you're

going to get really mad at each other.

And there's some times where I've done said

things to Hannah that I hadn't done and said

that any of you and she didn't deserve that.

But I did it. And so if you want to know who

somebody is you need to make sure you know who

they are in the tough times.

In Ephesians chapter 4 verses 31 to 32 Paul

Ephesians 4:31–32

writes to the church in Ephesus which we just

talked about in Revelation a second ago he

says get rid of all bitterness rage anger

harsh words slander as well as all types of evil

behavior instead be kind to each other tender

hearted forgiving one another just as God

through Christ has forgiven you.

The reason why it's important for you to marry

a Christian is is because a Christian in

general is called to love everyone and serve

everyone and forgive everyone underneath the

calling of Christianity in general.

And so how much more should they do that in

their relationship with Jesus Christ.

But if you marry somebody who just yeah I'm a

Christian but they don't live it yeah I'm a

Christian but they haven't fully

surrendered their life and they're living for

themselves and they're doing all this other

stuff they're not going to forgive and let

me remind you inside of marriage you're

going to make a mistake you're going to say

something to make your spouse mad you're

going to do something to hurt them and you need

to know that you're with a battle partner

that's going to forgive you and be willing

to move forward in spite of your bonehead

mistake. They're going to make mistakes and

you're going to need to be able to forgive

them and work through it and move forward.

And if you're not a Christian there's no

guarantee that somebody might be willing

to do that but as a Christian we are

called to do that for everyone especially

our spouses.

Point number two marry the one you can

suffer with. We all want fun we all want

vacations we all want luxury we all want

comfort comfort but the truth is any

coward can love during the good happy

times. Any coward can be your friend any

coward can stand beside you when things

are good and you have plenty of money

and the success is going well and you

feel like you're accomplishing things

there will be a lot of people who will

stand around you and rub elbows with you

during those times. But when things get

tough that's when people begin to peace

out. That's whenever they start running

in another direction and you need to

find someone whom you know that will

suffer with you because there's going

to be so many hard and difficult times

in your marriage. Like it's great it's

a wonderful blessing from God but it's

going to be hard and you shouldn't be

surprised because if you got a best

friend when you were growing up you

know if you spent more than like two

nights together with your best friend

you were fighting right with your best

friend and you had to go home and take

some time apart. It's like when you live

with somebody day in and day out you're

doing life together you're making

decisions together stressful decisions

together life offering decisions

together it's going to get tough. You

got to find someone that you can

suffer with. Matthew 16 verses 24 to 25

Matthew 16:24–25

as Jesus is speaking to his disciples he

said if any of you wants to be my

follower you must give up your own way

take up your cross and follow me. If

you try to hang on to your life you

will lose it but if you give your life

up for my sake you will save it. As a

Christian we are literally called to

give up our lives to take up our cross

and suffer for the kingdom of God to

suffer in the name of Jesus Christ. When

we talk about the importance of man or

Christian you if you marry a true

Christian a true believer they are

called to suffer and so in the midst

of marriage when marriage gets hard and

whatever comes in whatever situations and

circumstances a true believer is not

going to run at the side of suffering

because they've already committed their

life to suffering in the name of Jesus

and the covenant they made before God

with you you can be confident to know

that they love God so even when I'm not

there even when I'm not able to keep an

eye on them and make sure they're not

doing things I don't like or talking to

somebody that I don't like or what you

know whatever it may be that you say I

know that they love Jesus and I know

that they want to honor him and I

know that they're gonna honor that

covenant and because of that I can rest

easy and trust in them to know that the

Lord's got it because they're gonna be

faithful we got to find people that are

willing to suffer along with us

there's very few people who are gonna

love you when you're sick there's very

few people who are gonna love you when

you're broke you can be successful and

I know you young men there's always this

pressure of I've got to prove myself I

gotta have so much money I gotta show

that I can provide I got to show that

that I'm responsible and any woman can

love you as long as you're providing all

those things and you got success and

you can do that a lot of women will be

attracted to you for that but it's

not what matters and women you can say

well I gotta look so beautiful I gotta

look so good you spend all your time and

money and getting ready and trying to

wear the right clothes and makeup and

hair and trying to look good and do all

these things and maybe go along and do

all these hobbies with him even though

you hate them you just do stuff with

him because you want him to like you

and we put all this effort into it

and the truth is is like we're dating

and we're making decisions off getting

married based off the best of

circumstances in the moment for just a

short time I mean let's be honest

whether it's a few months or maybe even

a year even a couple years you can hide

a lot of things in that time you can

push it down before it comes out you

need to know that the person that

you're gonna marry is going to be

willing to suffer with you because

life's not always gonna be great you

may have to walk in one day and say I

got laid off or I got fired or I screwed

up or this is what it's gonna be and you

need to know that the person's like okay

we'll get through it because their heart

is committed to Christ and not committed

to your performance point number three

marry the one who will fight with you

not actually fight with you but fight

alongside of you life is a battle and

you need someone who is going to fight

along with you to know that they are

going to have your back no matter what

because the truth is you're gonna have

enemies everywhere you're gonna have

enemies at work you're gonna have

enemies in life you're gonna have

enemies in your own family even your

own blood relatives and in some ways

can become enemies maybe even not

necessarily meaning to it's just things

happen and you need to know that no

matter what through every circumstance

despite the enemies that your spouse and

you are absolutely committed to one

another no matter what your own enemies

will be in your house even your kids

will be your enemies so you're married

this morning you got kids no your kids

they can be you and your wife's or

your your husband's enemy and if you

don't believe me they're cruel like

they're they're sophisticated talented

double agents like they are like you

love them as soon as you start talking

with one another they come up and they

start talking like mint they just don't

even wait for you to stop they just

start talking while you're talking is

that I'm not gonna let you have a

conversation without acknowledging me

first I'm pretty confident you all

experience that please tell me you

you're getting what we're getting okay

thank you all right you shut the door

they they could be on the other side

of the house playing they could be

outside as soon as they hear your

bedroom door shut they want your

attention so anytime that you're trying

to give to one another even your own

children can pull away from you in that

regard so you got to find someone that's

gonna fight with you this on your team

that has your back no matter what and

if you've ever been in a situation in

life where you're like I have I have

nobody that I can call that is a

terrible feeling that's a terrible

feeling to be in a situation was like I

have I have no one to call in this

moment to help me with what I'm dealing

with and the wonderful thing about

marriage is is like we like to think oh

they're so good-looking all they're

they're great man all they're just

they're the greatest prize you can get

but just to be in marriage one day and

to go through something and to feel like

you couldn't even look at your husband

and talk to him about what's going

on you couldn't look at your wife and

tell her what you're going to because

they're not that person and that's

heartbreaking that's not the way that

God intended it to be and so even going

into this having someone who you know

is going to get your back is

understanding that you also have one

who's committed to serving Christ and

doing their part inside the marriage to

make sure that you're going to do this

thing together that you know that I'm

gonna do my part what God's called me

to do and you're gonna do your part

what God's called you to do and

because of that we can work together

then we know that we can make it

through this that we're gonna fight with

one another now first Peter chapter 5

1 Peter 5:1–2

verses 1 through 2 it says in the same

way you wives must accept the authority

of your husbands then even if some

refuse to obey the good news your godly

lives will speak to them without any

words they will be won over by

observing your pure and reverent lives

skip to verse 7 of first Peter chapter

1 Peter 5 · chapter mention

5 in the same way you husbands must

give honor to your wives treat your wife

with understanding as you live together

she may be weaker than you are but she is

your equal partner in God's gift of new

life treat her as you should so your

prayers will not be hindered now now

we talk about these things and we talk

about making sure that you have someone

who's going to go to battle with you

and fight alongside of you you can't

trust someone to fight alongside of you

in the battles outside if you can't

trust them to do their role on the

inside and I think that's one of the

things that when you talk about military

and people who've been the battle

together to be able to trust someone

when you're going in and you know your

life's on the line to know that that

guy or that girl has your back and

they're willing to like die for you

and they're willing to even take

someone else's life for you that's a

bond that you cannot buy and you

don't know what's going to happen

until you get in the thick of it

and it's one of the things we talk

about in football because always coach

the line I coached the chubby guys

because I was a chubby guy and saying

look you have to do your job if you

don't do your job even though no one's

celebrating you and most people aren't

watching you if you don't do your job

everything that's going on behind you

it's all going to crash and burn you

got to be able to trust and believe in

the person that you're going into

this with that they're going to do

their job and so ladies we talked

about this a little bit last week the

whole concept of the authority and

submitting we don't like those things

but we have to remind ourselves do I

believe in Jesus Christ and do I believe

in his word and am I willing to put my

trust and faith in what it says and I'm

am I willing to do this to honor God

and to not get hung up on it because

right before it speaks personally to the

women in the men it says submit to one

another so remember that scripture

calls us as men we're called to submit

to our wives too not in the same ways

it's very different but we submit to

one another and then you look at first

Peter 5 7 she's your equal partner in

God's gift to new life your wife is

your equal partner so we're not throwing

around these terms of authority as this

way to get what we want and just just

have the last decision and have these

presidential veto powers that we can

just say nope yep nope yep on all the

stuff that we want to do know like

she's your equal partner we don't take

advantage of the authority that God's

given us but we we tread very carefully

because we're gonna have to give an

account for that Colossians chapter 3

Colossians 3:18–19

verses 18 through 19 wives submit to

your husbands as fitting for those who

belong to the Lord husbands love your

wives and never treat them harshly

there's a reason why in scripture it

reminds us of all the things that

we're supposed to do it's not gonna

come natural we're gonna have to choose

to do this choose to submit to the Lord

choose to commit ourselves to love to

honor to respect and all those things

and the question is are we willing to die

to ourselves in order to go to battle

with our spouses if you're a real

Christian you've already been called to

die you've already been called to die to

the world but you enter into that

covenant are you willing to die to

yourself and begin this new life with

your spouse to make sure that you're

gonna honor that covenant more than

anything else because the truth is is

it's different there's nothing else

like it I had a friend he and his

girlfriend were living together and

they got engaged they lived together for

a while before they got married and we

did their premarital counseling and I

married them and I just kind of had

him one-on-one right before the

wedding I said look I was like you

need to know when you get married it's

gonna change he's like I don't understand

like like what what's gonna take we

already live together we're paying bills

we're doing life together like we're

doing this together I said you need to

know it's gonna change there's something

about it right now in your life you

are living in sin because I told him

I'm not look there's no way you're

living together and not being intimate

with one another and I always tell

people if you're living together and

you're not being intimate that's more

weird than the other like there's

something wrong so you need like

understand that so you're being

intimate you're living in sin Satan's

not worried about you right now as soon

as you say I do you're entering into a

spiritual battle that's going to be a

totally new aspect of your marriage and

your relationship that you haven't

experienced yet we marry them on

Saturday they go on their honeymoon for

a week they come back home they're home

for a week and literally after a week of

being at home he calls me he's like you're

right it's different automatically we

need to understand that when we get

married and we go down to that altar

and we say those vows we're putting

ourselves out there for Satan to come

in and start dancing a jig in our lives

to try to disrupt the very covenant

that we've committed ourselves to

before God and if he can disrupt that

he can disrupt your entire family if you

have children he can disrupt your

children's lives forever friendships

church relationships your spiritual life

your own relationship across he knows

man if he can tear that one thing

apart if he can split you up he'll

wreak havoc for years to come and so

when you go into marriage it's a

wonderful gift from God but it is most

certainly a hard and difficult battle

that you're going into so you better

make sure you're picking the right one

who's got your back and willing to fight

with you let's pray father thank you

for this day and this time together

Lord I thank you for the men and

women in this room and I pray that you

would work and move in their hearts

and lives and speak powerfully to them

Jesus use your word to shape us and

mold us and Lord even some that we

don't understand or comprehend I pray

that you would open up our eyes and

help us to see what it is that you've

called us to do as believers and as

husbands and wives Lord guard our our

couples who are already married prepare

teach and mature the ones who are

close and Lord even for the really

young ones we pray that you're already

preparing them and also preparing someone

for them for years to come that they

can get married to and fight the battle

with Jesus we love you today we thank

you we ask this in your name amen