The Influence of A Father

I'll state with faith this is my Bible.

It is the word of truth.

I am what it says I am.

I can do what it says I can.

I'm a believer and not a doubter.

I'm a doer, not just a hearer.

I am humble before the Lord.

I'm obedient to the Lord.

I am mature in the Lord.

I'm enthusiastic about the Lord.

I know that faith comes by hearing

and hearing by the Word of God.

Amen.

I read into your hearing.

Scripture text today comes from Ephesians 6 verse 4.

Ephesians 6:4

The word says father.

Somebody say father.

It says fathers do not provoke your children to anger

by the way you treat them.

Rather bring them up in the discipline

and instruction that come from the Lord.

Amen.

Let me begin by saying a very special happy father's day

to all the fathers in the house

as well as those future fathers that may be in the house.

I want to just say we thank you for being with us today

whether you're in here or online.

Again I want to say to the ladies who made our father's day breakfast

so very special on last week.

We want to thank you for all that you did

to make that a wonderful occasion.

To the young people who blessed us with their gifts and talents

just before you.

We want to give them a special thanks.

Amen.

And to the youth that are preparing a special treat for your dads

and fathers, a man over 18, a man in general,

after service.

We want to say thanks to them as well.

Amen.

Now today I just want to speak to you briefly from

the thought, the influence of a father.

The influence of a father.

And I'm taking this from our previous sermon that was entitled

Be a Good Influencer.

And I want to use that same definition but today I just want to tie it to fathers.

Amen.

Because the word influence and being an influencer

it means the capacity to have an effect on the character.

Somebody say character.

Men you ought to say character.

You should influence the mental and moral qualities of your child's life.

You ought to have an input on their morality.

You ought to have an input on how they are shaped mentally.

Then the other part of that says you ought to affect the development.

Somebody say development man.

In other words fathers should encourage and influence the growth and the success

and the maturity of their children.

Fathers in the Old Testament and in the Bible in general played a key part

in their children's lives.

They were responsible for the training and the upbringing

and making sure they were brought up with good moral values.

The last thing it says behavior.

Somebody say behavior.

Fathers you should influence the way your children act and conduct themselves.

Amen.

When they are out in public you ought to have some influence on how they act

while they were few.

When they go see Big Mama.

It ain't to you.

Whoever they visit in.

They shouldn't tell Big Mama's house.

Because they tell up your house.

Amen.

When you say sit down and get off Big Mama's furniture

they need to sit down and get off Big Mama's furniture.

Because you are trying to mold them so that they will act a certain way

when they are out in public.

Now this past week I was doing some research

and looking at some statistics about the influence of fathers.

And now like most statistics the data can be inflated.

But what is communicated does reveal to us some special things

about the influence of a father in a child's life.

Now look at this.

Number one it says 85% of the youth who are currently in prison

grew up in a fatherless home.

Seven out of ten children housed in state institutions.

I'm talking about now not the big prison

but the little correctional institution.

The detention center or residential treatment facility.

Seven out of ten of those children come from fatherless homes.

85% of all the children who exhibit some type of behavior disorder

comes from fatherless homes.

Children from fatherless homes are two times more likely to commit suicide.

Children from fatherless homes are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children from fatherless homes are ten times more likely

to abuse some type of drug or chemical product.

Death cope, fentanyl, crack, and even herbal.

Teen girls from fatherless homes are four times more likely to become mothers

before they are 20.

44% of the children in homes headed by a single mother lives in poverty

compared to 12% of those from married homes.

In the United States, in Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama,

those three states have the highest percentage of fatherless homes.

All of them are over 30%.

Now that was many other statistics that I could read before you.

They even broke these statistics down into racial or ethnic categories as well.

And when it comes to our community, those numbers are always disproportionate.

In other words, they don't meet the size of the population that we make up.

For example, we only make up about 12.1% of the population in the United States.

But we make up over 40% of the prism population.

How do you get 40% from 12% and put them in prison?

So my point remains the same.

The presence of a father in the home influences it and makes a tremendous difference

in the child's life as well as that child's future.

And even if you are married to your baby mama, or not married, I'm sorry, to your baby mama,

you should still be an influence in your child's life.

And your baby mama got a lot of drama.

You take her to court so you can get access to your child.

Don't run away from your responsibilities.

And I know a lot of times men, especially the black men,

would run away from our responsibility because we don't want to pay child support.

We don't want to pay the price to be the dad or the father.

So when I'm telling you, get your lawyer, go to court so you can at least have

visitation rights in your child's life.

Because if you don't, that child is going to only know about you what the mama said.

And if she is painting a picture that is not accurate about you, that's all the child got to go home.

Especially if all you are is a sperm donor.

We have to be involved in our children's lives after they come into the world.

And we must be involved even if we don't get along with their mama.

Amen.

So in the Bible, 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, the apostle Paul in this context,

1 Thessalonians 2 · chapter mention

he was using this passage of scripture to describe to the Thessalonians

how him and Silas had cared for them and conducted themselves, you know,

as a father would look out for a child while they were with them sharing the gospel.

And so from this text, and I want to give you a reason to believe

that fathers should care for and conduct themselves in a similar manner

in order to be an influence in their children's lives.

And I'm going to read this and I'm just going to connect this to a father

even though they were talking about their relationship with the church.

In verse 10 of 1 Thessalonians chapter 2, it says this,

1 Thessalonians 2 · chapter mention

you yourselves are our witnesses talking about the Thessalonians

whether witness to how Paul and Silas conducted themselves.

So when I'm telling you, dads, your children are going to be the ones who are witnessing what you're doing.

How you carry yourself and how you conduct yourself in front of your children

will determine how they will testify about you later.

Because they are going to testify based upon what they...

So you are our witnesses and so is God.

So God is even looking at you and seeing how you conduct yourself as a father.

And he is not basing that on what you do in here on Sunday.

Because in here on Sunday we can be the best dads in the world.

So when God looks, he wants to make sure that we were devout.

So we were devout and honest and faultless toward all of all of you believers.

Now get this, first of all he says, look, you got to be committed to God.

Dad, amen, you got to be devout.

You just can't come to church on Sunday and don't have nothing else to do with God on Monday.

You got to show that before your children and sometime when they see you studied,

when they see you pray, when they see you meditate on God's work,

when they see you doing the things like you are devoted to God,

then they will eventually pick up on what you are doing.

You need to be honest, he says, with your children. You got to be truthful.

If you ain't going to take them to the park, don't tell them you're going to take them.

I mean be honest with them.

And I think children will appreciate you honestly.

Faultness means that you got to live right before your children.

You're not going to be perfect, but you can at least live to the best of your ability.

And sometime the best thing that you can do in front of your children for those of you who are married

is to treat their mama right.

Treat their mama right. Let them see you love their mother.

And I guarantee you they will grow up loving their mother and they will grow up respecting you.

Verse 11 he says now, and you know that we treated each of you, somebody say each of you,

as a father, as a father treat his own children, each of you, if you got more than one child,

they are not the same. They are very different. They're unique in their own way.

And so what you got to do as a father, you got to understand their uniqueness

and you got to treat them differently based upon who they are.

You don't show favoritism. He's not talking about favoritism here

because you still want to treat them fairly amongst themselves.

However, you got to know the personality of each one of your children there

so that you know the one that can handle you hollering at them and the one that can can.

Amen. Some of them can take you yelling and that's okay.

That's what you got to do sometime to get their attention.

But some of them can't handle you just going off.

And if you're a Christian father, I know you ain't cursing your kid.

I just know ain't nobody sitting up and striving today that you've been cursing,

curse words and language like that when they're talking to their,

even if you're online, if you don't took this time to listen to me today,

I want to challenge you. If you curse at that your kid, you need to shut that up.

Amen. Amen.

He says now in verse 12, he says,

we plead with you.

We plead it with you. In other words, fathers,

sometime you're going to have to make a positive, strong appeal to your children.

Amen. You're going to have to plead with them.

You can't always beat it out of them and beat it in them.

I mean, we were brought up thinking that that's how you plead. You beat.

And then you hope that by beating they going to comply.

And then later they'll get desensitized to that.

And they become mean and they become angry.

And just like you beat them, they'll beat somebody else.

Now the Bible in door spanking and you got to put your corporate, I ain't got no problem with that.

But you can't do that when you're mad and you're angry because the Boston got on your nerve

and now you come home and beat your children because you can't beat the boss.

So sometimes somebody say, please dad,

sometime you got to sit down and just plead with your children.

Then he says, we plead it with you. We encouraged you.

So sometime you're going to have to cheer them up and inspire them.

Amen.

Amen.

Sometime they're going to want to quit.

And when they want to quit, you're going to have to inspire them to keep going.

Especially if it's something that's going to be beneficial for them

because sometime children will give up.

But if they got a father in their life or they got someone in their life who is encouraging them to keep on going,

you never know what that child is going to turn out to be.

If you just continue to encourage them when they want to quit.

And then he says, and we urge you to live your lives in a way that God would consider worthy.

So sometime you got to persuade and urge your children to live right.

And the easy way to do that is to about living right before them.

Challenge them to follow your...

And as you do that, you will be encouraging them to live in a way that God would consider worthy.

Not you, but that God.

Now, fathers, you can't do that if you don't have a relationship with God.

But you don't know what God considers worthy.

So I want to challenge any of you that's listening to me online or in the house today.

Man, if you're a dad or a man and you don't get on our 8.30 service with the men on Sunday morning,

you're missing some lessons that could teach you how to be a good father, a good man.

To be the protector of your family, the provider for your family, the one who nurtures and cultivates the family.

You need to be educated because you can't teach your children what you don't know.

And if you don't know God, there's no way you're going to teach them anything about.

So you got to live your life in a way that God considers worthy.

Look here, for He called you to share in His kingdom and glory.

And His kingdom and honor.

Now look at this, God called them to do that, but that's like He's calling you fathers to do the same thing.

He's calling you so that you can share in His kingdom and His glory.

And you can't do that online fathers that may not be in a church somewhere.

You need to be connected to a church or something that has got kingdom-mindedness.

Amen. You're not going to learn about the kingdom of God if you don't come to places that talk about the kingdom of God.

You got to get in this word and know what it says because it will teach you how to live in God's kingdom.

And as you learn how to live in God's kingdom, men, then you will be a better example for your children.

Now let's look at 2nd turn Hebrews chapter 12 verse 9 through 11.

Hebrews 12:9–11

The father must correct and discipline their children.

Here the writer of Hebrews compared earthly fathers to our heavenly fathers to describe the value of discipline and training that leads to right living.

See at times children will need to be disciplined. Amen. They need to be trained to obey rules and how to exhibit the proper behavior.

And sometimes you have to use some form of punishment to get this point across.

Now discipline should not occur out of anger or cruelty,

but a loving father know how to discipline his kids in a way where the kid understands that I'm doing this for your own...

You know granddaddy, you tell us that this is for your own good boy, but I didn't feel like that.

Because granddaddy wasn't the type who reasoned with you.

You know, if he said do it, you had one time to not do it, and the next time he was going to discipline you.

Amen. Now I don't encourage no one to discipline their children like granddaddy did us.

I mean because granddaddy was just granddaddy, you know.

Now I could look at myself at exhibit A and say I'm okay.

So I'm not going to buy into the fact that I came out all warped and didn't know how to live and didn't know how to stay out of trouble because granddaddy laid down a rod.

I came out all right.

They didn't tell us about no PTSD, so I don't think I've ever had no PTSD moment, PTSD moment,

because granddaddy whipped me with an extension cord.

I don't think I woke up in the middle of the night, don't know how I'm going to school and all that because I got tossed around pretty good yesterday,

but I was bad, I was wrong.

Now I wouldn't whip my kids with an extension cord. I wouldn't do that.

But I did used to use a rule on them.

Amen. I'm just being a testimony right here.

When they start saying you can't hit them on the legs because they're sure whips on them, they go to school,

teach a seed, you may be in trouble. Okay.

Hold out your hand.

Because you're going to get a little rule action right now.

Now they didn't teach me time out, so that wasn't even in my inventory.

It wasn't like, hey, this is a time out offense right here.

This is a rule offense and this is a hardcore whooping on the back side.

I know my kids probably wish they had time out as an option. It just wasn't.

But nowadays they say time out may work on them.

If it's working for your little Johnny, time out them all day.

Put them in the corner, let them sit there for a couple of hours and that caused them to act right.

Does that get you what you're looking for?

If that gets you the results and it's working, you do that.

But sometimes we're going to see here that discipline is painful.

Amen. But it's only painful for a season because the end result is supposed to bear fruit

that's going to be beneficial for your children.

And so again, let me reiterate this because I don't want somebody having the child advocacy folks calling me tomorrow

because you know y'all passed the said.

Now I'm not telling you to beat your children while you're mad and angry and all that.

Well, you don't beat them, you don't broke the arm and broke the finger.

That's cruelty, that's abuse.

Amen. But I am advocating that when they get to a point that they're not listening to you,

you're going to have to do something before the popo discipline.

Amen. The popo ain't going to reason with them.

And they're going to even use please.

They're going to even give them the benefit of the doubt if they look like me.

He ain't going to even give your child the benefit of the doubt.

So knowing that's the case, it's better for you to discipline them instead of having to take a chance with the...

Hold on, hold on.

You first, that's what's the latest.

Help me out.

And you know we got that on film.

So fathers, you got to correct and discipline your children.

That all falls upon that training umbrella.

So look at this in verse 9 of Hebrews chapter 12.

Hebrews 12 · chapter mention

It says, since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us,

shouldn't we submit even more to the discipline of the father of our spirits and live forever?

And we're making a comparison that, hey, if you would obey your earthly father, surely you should obey God.

And so therefore if we obey our earthly father, that is a way to say that then once we come into the knowledge of who God is,

that the good possibility we may obey God.

And so he says this now, that we want to obey our earthly father,

but at the same time we want to let our children know that we obey our heavenly father,

who is the one that's in charge of our spirit and our soul and going to determine whether or not we're going to live forever.

He said this, for our earthly fathers discipline us for a few years,

doing the best that they knew how.

Granddaddy was doing the best he knew how.

He didn't know time out. He didn't know about that.

All he knew is he worked hard all day on the railroad,

and he did what he had to do living in Montgomery, Alabama, and sometime he wasn't going to take no lift from a little area.

Just wasn't going to take no lift from a little area.

I got more whipping by my granddad than I got put by my own daddy.

Granddaddy just didn't play.

And he made sure that we were going to protect the bolder name.

He would tell us, you're not going to go out there and end up in jail with no criminal record.

You're not going to do that. And as a result of that, whenever I catch you wrong,

I'm going to take your business.

You know how I look back at that night? I never forget one night I decided I was going to be bold enough to sneak out the house.

So I went out the bedroom window to get out there and play in the hood at night time.

Even on Montgomery, Alabama, we did some crazy stuff at the after-dawn.

And so I was on restriction. I couldn't go out.

So I said, I'm just going out to the window.

Ain't nobody going to come check the room.

Daddy don't normally come and check.

Mom kind of let me have my way.

But granddaddy, we all living with him. So it's his house.

He going to check.

By 8.30, he looked in the room. I was gone.

I'm out there living up on the block with my boy.

Having a good time.

Granddaddy walked up on us in that block.

And he commenced to beat me down right down front of my boy.

And I figured since granddaddy is old, I'll just outrun him.

I'll just outrun the old man.

But the old man caught me.

And you know, when you run from them and they catch up with you,

they're going to beat you for making them exert that much effort to catch you.

And so that was probably the worst beating I ever got by my granddaddy.

But that was probably the last one too because I knew then I'm not going to cross my granddaddy.

And even with me having that vivid in my memory,

some of y'all kids looking at me like, what?

Because y'all wasn't born that generation. You couldn't survive that now.

Y'all just a different breed of kids. Y'all couldn't handle that right now.

But I guess we had some in our time zone and our era that allowed us to handle that.

Maybe we were just a couple of generations of slavery,

so getting to beat down was not a bad thing, you know,

and the fact that you could deal with it and come out all right.

Nowadays, I ain't gonna knock it.

Yeah, if you, probably if some of your kids got what I got from granddaddy,

they may have some PTSD at you.

Amen.

But we were just, and again I know this will go against all the modern day teaching,

we were just brought up thinking that you were mentally tough.

You get past that.

After you get through crying and the web's go down,

you just move on and just do what granddaddy said.

You ain't even think about it no more.

So what I'm saying is that granddaddy did the best that he knew how.

And being my sister, we turned out all right.

Amen.

So I'm a living witness that you can put a little rod on your children.

I'm not saying an extension cord, a broomstick or whatever,

but you won't hurt them too bad.

They'll be all right.

And you know what I learned is that children are very forgiven.

They got a short memory.

They don't hold on to that with them.

You know, you can whip them and three minutes later,

they'll be sitting in your lap just laughing and playing right along with you.

And you'll be giving them cookies and candy and all that.

But anyway, parents, particularly dads,

you got to discipline your children however the Lord needs you.

You can't let them train themselves.

You got to take part in their training.

He says now, they did the best they knew how,

but God's discipline is always good for us so that we might share in His holiness.

So when God discipline us, He's taking us to a place that we could be more like Him.

And it's designed to correct us and put us on a path that's going to be beneficial for our lives.

He says now look, this is verse 11. This is a true statement, real true here.

No discipline is enjoyable while it's happening.

Even if you time out them and they're sitting over there singing nursery rhymes

and having a good time on time out, then they're having too much joy.

Y'all on here?

Discipline is not supposed to be enjoyable.

They should be sitting there, when am I getting out this corner?

When you gonna give me my PlayStation 5 back?

When you gonna give me my phone back?

It is not supposed to be in your...

Maybe some of the best discipline you can do for your children.

They just take their phone for a day.

You'll find out that that is not in...

That may work better James than granddad's extension call.

Just take that.

And if they drive them, just take the key.

Look, your name ain't even on the title.

You ain't got no rights to it, you don't make no payments on it.

There was a gift to you and right now I'm taking it back until you start acting right.

And until you start acting right, there your bioscittles.

Go ahead and go for it.

And oh by the way, school bus still come by here.

You gonna ride the school bus for the next week.

That ain't enjoyable.

But if you discipline them and then they get joy out of it,

chances are they ain't learned enough.

Amen.

He says no discipline is enjoyable while it's happening.

It is painful.

But afterwards, somebody say afterwards,

afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

Proverbs tells us to train up a child in a way that you go

and when they get old they will not depart from it.

In other words, you gotta put them on a path.

And if you put them on that path when they're young,

he's saying that there's a good possibility as they get older,

even if they stray away from the path,

eventually they will come back to the path that you put them on.

And so those of you who got young children, father,

I encourage you, put your children on the right path while they're young.

Most of that personality and all that stuff is gonna take place in them

before they get 6 years old.

Your most active time with bringing your children up

is when they're in that age from 0 to 6, 7 years old

because you can make the biggest impression in their lives during that time.

After that, you're gonna have to discipline them or train them in a way that you gotta break something.

They may have to go through a significant emotional event

for you to change some of their behavior

because you did not do it on the front end.

And the sad truth is that you won't train them up,

the streets gonna train them up.

And if y'all live in the hood and you don't live in the hood,

you live on the hill somewhere,

I'm telling you they got bad kids on the hill.

They got bad kids over in Niceville,

up in the north regions of Crestview, they got some bad kids.

And they got some bad kids who money, got some money.

Who mama's got some money.

And dad's got some money.

So look here, you need to be mindful that if you're not gonna do your job,

somebody else is gonna do it.

They gonna go to school and get educated,

not just with books, but with the stuff that comes off the street.

And so parents, fathers in particular,

you got to train your children.

You got to establish standards for them to live by.

And you can't just train them by talking and teaching,

you got to train them by living it.

Amen.

Children understand when we are hypocritical.

I mean they're with us all the time.

You know, I know sometimes, I know,

I wish we could have a mama sometime with the people who teach your children.

I wish I was bold enough to be honest and say,

hey teachers, tell me what you think about my child.

What's going on?

Because I'm telling you, your children are saying some things

out of the pureness of their heart,

that they are seeing that don't line up with what happens in here.

And so if you're open for feedback,

I would suggest that you go to the teacher that teach our children

and ask, hey, how is Lil Johnny acting in class?

What are they saying?

And then when you get the truth, don't go home now

and all of a sudden want to be dad,

and get firm and beat them down because they done told on you.

He ain't the same person you see at church.

I said I'm not going to meddle today, so let me move on.

This is Father's Day, but you know, we don't get this once a year,

dad's father's, you know, once a year.

And so we just got to know and understand.

Something to close, go back to our text real quick in Ephesians chapter 6,

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

but I want to read one through four because I want to close with,

by looking at all four verses so you can see the promises

that God make to the children.

So we still got any young people in here.

God make you some promises that you need to believe

that if you honor what God is saying, that your life would be better.

Now I want to be clear here,

there's a difference between, you know, your children obeying you

and honoring you.

Amen.

See, obeying lasts until they get grown.

When they get grown, they ain't got to obey you.

Obey me that you tell them to do something

they just ask how high it went to come down.

You don't need to buy that car.

Well, I ain't asking you.

I got a job, I'm grown.

And I want me another car, so I'm going to get me a car.

I ain't asking no wisdom right here.

Or you can give me right now some wisdom.

But you can't tell me I can't buy the car.

So your children have to obey you while they're living with you

and under your care.

When they get grown, they can make their own decisions

based on how you brought them up.

And I hope you brought them alright.

But they have to honor you all the days of their lives.

So look at this, in verse 1 of Ephesians chapter 6 says,

Ephesians 6 · chapter mention

Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord.

Do what they say, because even as a child, you belong to the Lord.

For he says, now look, for this is the right thing to do.

It is right for a child to obey his parents.

It is not right for a child to look at his mother or father,

for that girl to look at her mother or father,

and say, I am not doing that, and they're five years old.

They don't have a right to tell you what they are not going to do

at five years old.

Unless you are trying to tell them something that is ungodly,

something that they shouldn't do that's not going to be beneficial

for their growth and maturity.

And even a bad parent try to live right before their children

while they're little.

Even a parent that out there cutting the food,

trying not to cut the food right over their little children.

Then when the kids get big enough, they can kind of see what mom and dad are doing

how they're cutting the food.

But look here, what you need to understand here is that it's right

for them to do what you tell them to do.

And it's right for you to expect them, parent, to do what you say do.

Your child running down the street on a busy street,

and you say, stop, you ain't got time to negotiate that.

When you say stop, they need to stop.

Because you may see something that they don't see.

But if you're in that position where they don't hear your voice,

you know, how can we train a dog to yield, to bark, to roll over,

to fetch and do all this?

And we can't get our kids to do that.

You've got to train them to do that.

You train dogs, you train animals, why can't we train them?

We put our dogs in obedience training for six weeks.

And they come back keeping your house pretty clean.

They ain't peeing on the rugs, they ain't pooping in the kitchen.

They come to their little women and scratch it.

You've got to not cut it and they're gone out.

But then when they come to train your children to go to the bathroom,

they're five years old and you've got pull-ups.

You train the dog to mess up your house, but little Johnny can...

I get on my kids all the time about different causes, because that's real.

See, when we were coming up, we were trained,

we didn't have the convenience of pampers.

We had real diapers.

And when they pooped out in public, you didn't just throw the diapers away

and you couldn't afford to keep buying diapers, they could do with pampers.

You had to go to somebody's bathroom and wipe them out real quick,

roll them up, put them in a plastic bag and take them back home so you can wash them.

So we had an incentive to get them out of diapers in a hurry.

My kids was training to go to the park by the time they were 15 months old.

15 months old. But it didn't just happen.

It took me waking them up in the morning at four o'clock,

take them and sit them on the party and turn the water on and say,

hey, you gonna sit there till something happens.

I know something's going to happen. You gonna sit there and they figured it out.

When I get on the park, something's supposed to happen.

So at 15 months, now I could buy real underwear for them

and not have to be going where by diaper coat.

Back then, pampers wasn't that popular.

But now they tell you, oh, they gonna figure it out.

So they get three and four years old and you get notes from kindergarten.

Hey, we tired of cleaning.

That's right.

So no kindergarten teacher want to be cleaning on four-year-old.

That's right.

So we got to train them.

And we got to realize that the training is for their benefit.

So it's the right thing to do, children, when your parents trying to train you.

It's the right thing for you to do is to obey them.

It says, honor your father and mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise.

So God make you a promise that if you honor your father and your mother,

it's a good possibility that you gonna live longer.

Amen.

Look at this.

He says, honor your father and your mother.

This is the first commandment with a promise.

If you honor, and I told you to honor me,

you got to be there for them all their life,

honor them, your father and mother.

Things will go well with you,

and you will have a long life on earth.

By honoring your father and your mother.

Now I'm pretty sure that that don't play out 100% of the time on most people's life.

But the principle here is that if you teach them to honor you and respect you

and to obey you, then it's a good possibility they gonna live longer.

Because if they won't obey you at home, they gonna obey nobody out in the street.

Amen.

So obedience start at home.

Your children ought to know how to respect adults because you have trained them that way.

And as a result of that, you don't have to worry about all these notes that they sent home now.

You know, some kids in elementary pre-K and kindergarten, in first grade,

man, they got jackets this thick.

You got nose every day this week.

Smile at face, turn upside down.

What you gonna do about it?

Amen.

And so often as a parent, we are always for the most part,

side without you.

For the most part, you gonna side with them too.

Now all of a sudden the teachers, the meanest thing that ever came on earth.

Just pick it on your baby.

Well, some teachers are biased, so I know I got some teachers in here that are gonna argument it out.

Some teachers that got biased.

Okay, got it.

But on up the little Johnny bad.

He bad, B-A-D at home, and he B-A-D at...

Don't be a denial.

He's that one.

He's that different one.

He's that one that you gonna have to work hard to train.

Amen, some of your kids gonna just fall in line right away.

Yes ma'am, yes, da-da-da-da-da.

But there's always gonna be that one.

That gonna keep you praying.

Amen.

But you still gotta train that one.

And so kids can make you a promise.

If you wanna live long in the earth, you know, you ought to honor your father and your mother.

You know, when I read that scripture, I was just getting serious about the Word of God and studying the Word of God.

And when I...as I was studying in that part of the Bible, Marvin Gaye got killed.

And when he got killed, that passive scripture came back to me.

And the reason it did, because he got killed by his own father.

So somewhere in his father was a sinner.

Still.

So somewhere in that training process, he forgot to honor his father and his mother.

That his days may be long in the earth.

So this powerful singer, great mind, dead about 44 years old.

All because him and his daddy couldn't get along.

So children, I tell you this, this is a true thing.

If you in your mama's and daddy's house, you play by the house.

Amen.

Don't make up your rules in their house.

Now you can negotiate the rules for changes, but for the most part, you're not the rule maker.

And you need to obey and honor your parents.

Amen.

And parents, as they obey and honor you, you can't be abusive and you can't treat them any kind of way.

And then he come off of talking about the children, and then he tells the father's this.

Now when Paul tells the father's this, he's not telling them so that they can get authority.

By nature of the times that they was living in, the man already had authority.

He didn't have to get it. It came with him.

And so what he was trying to do, he said, hey, don't let your authority go to your head,

to the point that you abuse the authority that you inherently have.

And so the same thing apply to us today, men.

You are the authority figure in your household.

And I know we live into the time where ladies don't always like to hear that word authority in the head of the household.

They just got to argue with God.

God know how he wanted to organize the family.

And he said the father, the head, the mom, and then the children come.

So they have the order, tear, one, two, three.

But I told you ladies, you got influence.

Don't worry about where you fall in the tear.

You just use the influence over the head.

Amen.

And so therefore when you understand this, when a man try to operate his authority,

he can't be abusive in his authority toward his wife or his children.

So then in verse four, as I close, he come back to now and say, fathers,

after he's untold the children what to do, he says, fathers, do not provoke.

Somebody say, provoke.

You know, Dad, sometimes we can aggravate them to the point that they'll break, turn on you.

I did that one time with Kwanda.

Kwanda was the middle child.

I don't know if there's a middle child syndrome or what it is, but she was the middle baby.

You know, she was just a middle girl, but she was different than the other one.

Flee was kind of smart and just kind of the first one.

So she just kind of had a heart just because we were young and didn't know.

Then Kwanda came along, you know, she was all right, but Kwanda had a little streak in her.

I mean, little streak in her.

Candid was the last one.

She was like cream puffs, so she was different.

So in between Candid and Flee is Kwanda.

And you tell Kwanda to do something, Kwanda, look at you.

And I was taught by Granddaddy when I say move, you don't think.

You move.

So one day Kwanda, I think she was about 13 at the time, I said something, she didn't move.

And all of a sudden this day I think maybe that's the boy coming out of her.

But at that time, you know, boy, we want to challenge the dad at some point in time thinking, you know, what dad,

well that day she wasn't moving.

And I look back at that and say, man, I know it didn't do no serious damage to her,

but I had to get in her car lot.

When I tell you to do something.

And you know, Kwanda's pretty strong.

She didn't take no teeth from me, you know, I had to.

Kwanda's the one I had to go on field trips with.

Amen. I'm just telling the truth.

I mean, he was going to field her because Tee said, hey, look here, when she get in that move, we can't deal with her.

And so that day I looked at that and I said, man, God.

I looked back and I said, did I handle that right when I had to smash in a collar like that?

Because I remember that like it was yesterday.

Maybe I should have been a little bit more gentle.

But at the time, you know, I was just old school.

I said it, you do it.

But me and Kwanda Koo now, I mean, she ain't got no PTSD.

At least she's still treating me all right, dude.

You know, she still loved daddy.

I mean, it wasn't like I did that and now all of a sudden she's scarred.

I ain't going to never speak to my dad again.

No.

Probably talk to him when I talk to all of them every day almost.

But when I look back at it, I see a lot of me and her.

I see a lot of me and her, you know.

So when I read this, I said, man, did I provoke her that day?

Did I just kept pushing her and kept pushing her and kept pushing her?

Because she finally said, hey, I'm just going to snap and I'm going to bow up on you right here right now.

So what we can't do, fathers, we can't push our children to the point of anger.

Because if you do, they will get angry and they're going to respond out of their anger.

So he says, don't provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them.

So treat them right.

Then he says, rather bring them up with the discipline, that's the training,

and the instruction that comes from the Lord.

So men, fathers, we have a responsibility to train our kids and to discipline our kids

and to give them the instruction that comes from the Bible God of Pastor Scripture in here

that will teach you how to raise your children.

You don't have to go to some self-help book.

You just look and see what the Bible say about how to deal with your children.

How to love them, how to care for them, also how to discipline them.

Amen.

And so therefore I submit to you, dads, fathers, that it's your responsibility to love,

to guide, to correct, and discipline your children.

And even if you are not there with them because of baby mama drama, those responsibilities don't change.

You need to work out an agreement with your baby's mama and say, hey, I'm not trying to upset you anymore.

We don't went through our dumbness, but I do want to have access to my kids.

And if I got to take you to court to give visitation right, I'm going to do that.

Because there ain't no other man going to come in and raise mine and that child don't know who their dad is.

But as I'm talking to you, you got some friends like that who's in those situations.

You need to tell them, walk over the childcare payments and all that stuff so they ain't got to garnish your check and be looking for you.

You know that's your baby. Take care of your responsibility.

I never forget, this is my personal testimony here.

Most of y'all know that Flea was kind of conceited when we weren't married.

Okay, where she was.

You talk about like you know something over there.

But anyway, so we were young.

We were young, you know, and I was just in high school, came in the military, came home off my basic training leave and bam,

11 months later, 9 months later, Flea, December, you know, boom, there, right there.

But I never forget when I talked to Jeanette's mom, her mom told me, say,

now if you don't really love Jeanette, don't you marry her.

Don't worry about the baby. We're going to take care of the baby.

There's another one, we're going to take care of the baby.

You know that.

Now, and I said, wow, she didn't gave me a way out.

I mean, I mean, you know, I want to be a dead be dead.

She just, bam, gave me a way out.

Now, I didn't think about it too long, but I went home and I was talking to my mom's sister and I told her about what was happening with me and Flea.

And I'll never forget my auntie told me, if whatever you do, you better take care of that baby.

And if it means marrying her, you better marry her right now.

I said, man, auntie, auntie, okay. So I took auntie's advice and we got married.

And the rest is, you know, history.

But I could have either walked away from that responsibility and said, I'm going to let somebody else take care of that.

Because her mom and I gave me a way out.

But when I'm trying to tell you, man, you got to own up to your responsibility.

And if that means you got to get your check, gone or should, whatever you call it,

when they got to take some of your money out to check to pay your child support, you need to do that.

And what I found out is men follow the money.

When you start taking that money from the Raskers, they'll show up.

They want to come and see what their investment is going.

Because they're going to make sure you ain't spending it all on...

I said, definitely, I'm a bi-sick and you got some new shoes and then got your car.

So I close with the fact that, man, we have an awesome responsibility in the times that we're living in.

Especially as African-Americans.

Your children are more likely to end up in those statistics than any other race of people on this earth.

Absolutely.

Every race of people on this earth can get a better deal on a lot of things than we can.

Somehow the world has been poisoned to think that we are less than and don't deserve anything.

And if they get that same sentiment coming from their parents, then what are our children on things?

We got to put the right things in them as fathers.

We got to let them know that they are kings and queens.

And we got to treat them to the best of our ability like royalty.

And believe that if we treat them like royalty, then they'll grow up to live like royalty.

Amen? I'm done. I'm done. Give the Lord a handclap of praise.

Give the Lord a handclap of praise.