Real Life Only Comes Through Real Loss - February 1, 2026

All right, good morning, Resurrection Church.

My name is Richard. I am the high school youth

director here at Rez. And what that basically means is

God thought I should do high school all over again because I

didn't get it right the first time.

By 30 years old, I have made a complete mess of my life.

I was an alcoholic. I couldn't keep a job.

I had two broken families, barely a father to my two kids,

no real relationship with my own family because I was a dirtbag.

And I was so prideful. I kept doing things my way.

Nobody could tell me otherwise. And that pride, it's what

brought me to the lowest point of my life.

And it's where I finally learned what Jesus meant when He said in

John 1224, Truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to

the ground and dies, it remains by itself.

But if it dies, it produces much fruit.

Join me today in John 12. There's a lot that goes on in

here. It's a beautiful chapter and I

encourage you to go and read it. Today we're going to look at 3

verses. Focus on three verses in John

1224 through 26 and these 3 verses.

I feel like I've been living them out for the past 10 years

and I'm desperately trying to get past verse 26.

John 1224 through 26. Truly, I tell you, unless a

grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains by

itself. But if it dies, it produces much

fruit. The one who loves his life will

lose it, and the one who hates his life in this world will keep

it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must

follow me. Where I am, there my servant

also will be. If anyone serves me, the Father

will honor him. Taking a moment and imagine this

with me. The disciples have been

following Jesus for three years. They've seen the miracles,

they've seen the teaching. And out of nowhere, Jesus starts

talking about death first, about his own.

Jesus is talking about what he's about to do.

He's saying I'm willing to give up my life, not protect it, so

that many others can be saved and redeemed.

But he's also talking about theirs.

Death to self, death to self rule.

They had to shock them because that's not what they were

expecting. And if we're honest, we struggle

with that too. We're shocked when Jesus doesn't

do what we expect them to do. Because instead of building our

lives on Jesus, we want Jesus to help us with the life that we

already built for ourselves. And I've done that.

I wanted Jesus to help me with the life that I built.

Let me show you what living in verses 24 through 26 look like

for me and how I've learned the hard way that real life only

comes through real loss. If you remember one thing from

today, remember real life only comes through real loss.

In February 2015, I went out drinking on a Wednesday night,

drove home, got arrested, went to jail.

The next morning I get out and I had this overwhelming sense that

I needed God in my life and I needed to go to church.

I didn't know where to go. I didn't grow up in church, but

that Sunday I ended up in one. At that point in my life, I was

drinking 1/5 of vodka a day. I'd quit for a few a few days,

then fall back. I quit for a week and then drink

again. But no matter how much I failed,

I kept going to church. Two months later, April 5th,

2015, Easter Sunday, I was sitting in church watching a

live skit and the man was having a conversation with God and God

was telling him follow me, leave it all behind and just follow

me. And the man was asking God, if I

follow you, if I leave all this behind, what am I going to be?

What will people think? What will people say?

And he asks again, what will I be?

And God said, you'll be whatever I called you to be.

And that hit me hard because I was asking God the same thing,

because I was the party guy, the bar guy, the guy that chased

money and women. I was asking God, if I walk away

from all this, what will I be? And I felt, God, tell me you'll

be whatever I've called you to be.

So I got up, did the altar call, and I gave my life to Jesus.

I'd love to tell you that everything changed overnight,

but it didn't. I was still building my life on

myself and I stayed sober for six months.

And then my pride crept back in. I was in a bad relationship and

I grew angry at God because I thought He was supposed to

improve my life and he didn't. And that anger, it pushed me

right back out. One night I went back drinking.

I got kicked out. The next day, I had nowhere to

go. I texted my pastor and he got a

bed ready for me at his men's home.

Here I am, 30 years old, sitting in my car outside of this men's

home, gripping the wheel, wrestling with myself inside and

my pride wondering how did I end up here breaking a little inside

every second because my thoughts are telling me I'm better than

this. I was at a fork in the road

thinking I don't need this, I can hustle up some money, I'll

get my own place. I'll be back at the bars this

weekend. Then I heard a knock at the

window. It was a guy from the men's home

and recognized me from church. I get out of the car and he

says, what are you doing here, bro?

All I could say is I don't know. And I broke, and he says it's

going to be all right, bro, we got you.

I remember that first night in the men's home was the lowest

point of my life. I remember being in a room full

of men in a dorm, but I felt alone in a dark place that I

wasn't going to get myself out of.

Looking back now, that was my burial.

Everything I trusted, my comfort, stability, my pride, my

control was gone. I stayed there for two months.

Every morning they would get up and pray at 5:00 AM.

And this is how deep my pride goes.

I'm in there with men from 18 to 65 years old, some getting out

of prison, some kicking addiction, some coming off the

streets from being homeless. And in my head I go, you know

what? I'm going to get up with these

guys and I'm going to pray and read my Bible.

And man, they need a lot of help.

I'm going to show them. But I'd get up every morning.

I'd go downstairs and pray with them at 5:00 AM.

And while I was there for that two months, I read the entire

New Testament and I found Jesus in the Scriptures.

It was no longer about what others had to say about him.

I meant him for myself. Two weeks after leaving the

men's home during worship, the pastor was saying many men will

choose to follow Jesus, but many men won't choose to suffer for

him. And I don't know why I said it.

I didn't plan on it, but I remember raising my hands and

saying Lord I love you, thank you for saving me.

And I said I will follow you, take everything from me and I

will suffer for you. I'll serve you 7 life sentences.

And I heard get on your knees. My stomach started turning, my

mouth started watering. I had goosebumps from the bottom

of my feet to the top of my head.

And I'm like, I don't know what's happening.

I said I love you Lord, I'll serve you.

I'll suffer before you say get on your knees.

I was resisting because I was so worried about the people around

me that would see me. And he said get on your knees.

And I stepped out of the row. My knees buckled and I hit the

ground and I wept and I wept and I wept.

I realize now what was dying on that floor was me being worried

about what other people would think of me.

Because when I stood up off that floor, it was the first time

ever that I felt the love of God in my life.

And I remember looking around that church at everybody, and I

thought, I love everyone. I was transformed, I was

different, I was made new. And that's what it says in 2nd

Corinthians 517. Therefore, if anyone is in

Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away and see

the new has come. My life wasn't perfect after

that, but I was a new person beginning to build my life on

Jesus and not myself. Death came first and then real

life. It was the beginning of me

learning that real life only comes through real loss.

Now, you don't have to believe the Bible to know this is true.

Real change always cost you something.

But here's the problem. Many people will go to the

cross, but they never get on the cross.

They admire it, they study it, they sing about it, they even

cry at the foot of it. But Jesus doesn't call us to

visit the cross, He calls us to die on it.

That's why Jesus says in Mark 834, if anybody wants to follow

after me, let him deny himself, take up his cross and follow me.

When Jesus talks about taking up your cross, he's not using a

metaphor. In the Roman world, the cross

was a death sentence. A condemned person carried it

through the streets as a sign of shame and finality.

When you saw someone carrying a cross out of the city, you knew

one thing. That person wasn't coming back.

So take up your cross means total surrender, dying to your

old life, to your rights, your control, and declaring that your

life is no longer your own. And Jesus says when we do that,

we don't lose life, we find it. He's calling us to die to self

so we can finally be free. But free from what?

Jesus offers three specific types of freedom in his words

today. Freedom from sin, freedom from

death, and freedom from self. Let's look at each of them.

Freedom from sin. Freedom from sin isn't just

forgiveness of what we've done, it's freedom from what's been

holding you. Sin isn't only about mistakes,

it's about being stuck. Patterns you keep falling into,

cravings that feel stronger than your will.

Identities that you start believing just who you are.

When Jesus calls us to die with him, he's saying the old life

doesn't get to run things anymore.

When something is buried, it loses its authority.

It may still pull at you, but it no longer owns you.

Burial matters because what goes into the ground doesn't come

back in charge. A new life comes out, not

perfect, but free. Free to say no, Free to choose

differently, Free to stop living as the person you used to be.

Jesus doesn't just forgive sinners.

He makes new people after the men's home.

Jesus broke that cycle of that off of my life.

I stayed sober for six years. Then one day I chose to drink

again. I chose to go back to something

Jesus had already broken off of my life.

Over time, my wife became concerned about how often and

how much I was drinking. If I'm honest, the Holy Spirit

would remind me every time I took a drink.

This isn't who you're called to be.

But my pride and my selfishness would make excuses and justify

it. I kept telling myself I didn't

have a problem because I wasn't living like I used to.

The truth is, if my wife had a problem with my drinking, that

meant I had a problem and I needed to face it head on.

I remember praying to God Sin, you broke this off of my life

before. Do it again, do it again God.

And He did because I couldn't. And I'm sober again today.

Here's what I've learned. Self denial isn't a one time

moment. It's a way of life.

That's why Christians fast to set aside physical needs

temporarily, to createspace, to draw closer to God, to seek

guidance, and to show dependence on God.

Fasting is denying yourself not just from food, but from

anything that competes with our pursuit of Jesus.

Sometimes it's for days, sometimes it's for seasons.

I submit to you today that life is a fast, and if fasting from

alcohol from the rest of my life helps me be a better follower of

Jesus, to be a better husband, a better father, a better friend,

then I'll gladly fast from alcohol for the rest of my life

so I can be a better follower of Jesus.

Jesus promises freedom, man. He delivers it.

What is God asking you today to deny yourself of?

What has he been asking you to let go?

Maybe it's alcohol. Maybe it's anger and addiction,

old habits, pornography. Maybe it's the constant noise

from podcasts and news and social media.

Or maybe you're like me In past seasons of my life, I was more

passionate about pursuing a political party than pursuing

Jesus. Or maybe you're like me right

now and you struggle with pride like I do.

Pride is like bad breath. Everyone else knows you have it

but you. And anytime I start thinking I

have it all together, my family is there to gently remind me

otherwise. And underneath all that sin,

habits, pride, there's a deeper fear.

Jesus wants to set us free from freedom from death.

Freedom from death isn't just about dying someday.

It's freedom from the fear that shapes how you live right now.

Because Jesus rose from the dead, death isn't the end

anymore. And Jesus can ask us to die to

ourselves because he's already gone there and defeated it.

When that truth sinks in, fear starts to loosen his grip.

Our obsession with comfort, control, security, and approval

usually comes from being afraid of losing this life.

We cling to. We cling to.

It's like, like, like it's all we have.

But Jesus says that kind of freedom, that kind of living

isn't freedom, It's slavery. The resurrection changes

everything. Death becomes a doorway, not a

dead end. I used to live terrified of

losing everything. The men's home was supposed to

be the worst thing that ever happened to me.

But standing on the other side of it, I realized that that

wasn't the end. It was the door.

Loss isn't final. Surrender isn't wasted, and

Jesus isn't asking us to die to take life from us.

He's asking us to let go so we can live a life that matters #3

freedom from self. Freedom from self is where the

truth gets worked out in everyday life.

A lot of what exhausts us isn't obvious sin.

It's the constant pressure to protect ourselves, to prove

ourselves, and to hold together the life we built.

Living like everything depends on us.

That's why Jesus says deny yourself, take up your cross,

follow me. He's not trying to make life

harder, He's trying to make life lighter.

Because carrying yourself at the center and it's exhausting.

When S is in charge, you're always chasing approval, always

needing control, always building your life around comfort and

success. And that kind of living will

drain you. But when S stops being the

center, freedom begins. You're no longer living to

preserve your life. You start to live a life that

matters. That's why Jesus says in John

1224, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies,

it remains alone. But if it dies, it produces much

fruit. This is how the Kingdom works.

You lose to multiply. A seat on the surface is

useless. No life can come from it.

It has to be buried and burial. It looks like loss, but it's

where life actually begins. As long as you're protecting

your image, clinging to control, guarding your comfort, life is

all about you. But when S dies, freedom shows

up. And then comes fruit.

Not a little fruit, much fruit. A surrendered life doesn't just

change you, it multiplies through you.

God's Kingdom doesn't grow through holding on, it grows

through letting go. And I had to learn that the hard

way in John 1226. Jesus goes on to say if anyone

serves me, he must follow me. Where I am, there my servant

also will be. If anyone serves me, the Father

will honor him. That verse focus forced me to

confront something in my own life.

I realized I had a picture of serving God that looked

impressive for me, but wasn't actually about following Jesus.

I used to believe that God would be glorified by me becoming this

world traveling preacher, evangelist that's serving him

and going everywhere, being involved in everything and never

being home. I thought that was fruit, but I

was pursuing a calling rather than pursuing Jesus.

I was forced. I was focused on ministry.

I was so focused on ministry that I became blind to my first

ministry, my wife and my family. My vision had to die so that I

can see God's vision for my life.

And now I understand that God will receive the most glory from

my life when I take my last breath.

And people say he loved God. He loved his wife and his kids,

and he loved people. And because I'm following the

King, I trust that God will honor my life in order to live a

life that truly matters. There will be lost.

That's unavoidable. But the Gospel tells us

something the world never will. Where there is loss, there is

also gain. Before Christ, the apostle Paul

had status, education, influence, a future.

That all changed after he met Jesus.

That's why Paul can say without hesitation in Philippians 3.

Whatever gain I had, I count it as loss for the sake of Christ.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing

worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.

Paul is saying, I lost what I thought mattered, and I gained

what actually does. The seed falls, the old life

dies, and what looks like loss becomes gain because Christ is

better. And here's the beautiful part

about the Kingdom. Your surrender doesn't just

change you, it multiplies through you.

That man who knocked on my window, my car window outside

the men's home, he was fruit from someone else's burial.

Someone else had to die to themselves to create that

ministry, and now I get to be the fruit for others by

marriage. My kids, this church you're

sitting here today, that's how the Kingdom grows.

Not through self preservation, but through surrender.

One seed falls, it dies, and from that death comes an entire

harvest. So the question is, what does

this actually look like for us? If you're a follower of Jesus, I

want to challenge you with two practical ways to die to

yourself this week #1 prayer. Pray a certain way.

What if your prayers became radically different?

What have you committed to pray? Not for your health, your money,

your week, your calendar, your trips or expectations?

What if the language of your prayer changed completely?

Instead of praying about your schedule, your comfort, your

vacation time, what if you started praying about what Jesus

cares about? Lost people in this city?

Kingdom purposes, things that actually matter for eternity.

What would it look like if you committed to praying like this 5

minutes every day this week? How do you need to change your

prayers? What do you need to bury or let

go in your prayers? Because it's not pointing

towards Jesus and it's pointing towards you.

The past couple of weeks, my prayer has been, Lord, help me

to die more to myself today. Help me to die to my

selfishness, help me to die to my pride so I can fulfill your

purposes #2GO ask somewhere, someone where you need to grow.

What if we all went to the people closest to us in our

community and we asked him, where do you think I'm stuck?

I'll tell you what it looked like for me.

I remember a while back going to Pastor Daniel and asking him,

where do you see I need the most growth in my life?

And boy did he tell me. It was a long list.

He just keeps adding to it. I found out the only way that I

grow is having people around me who are honest with me, holding

me accountable. I mean, I was, I was putting

this message together and I was talking to Dave about it.

Pastor Dave. He was like, you're still not

drinking. No, that's a good thing.

Ask me. I need that in my life.

So I challenge you to do something harder than you've

ever done. Go to someone who cares about

you and ask them where do you think I'm stuck?

So will you commit to these two things this week #1 pray for

Jesus purposes, not your own. 5 minutes daily.

What if you stop praying about your week, your health, your

money, your calendar? What if you started praying for

lost people, Kingdom, work, and for the things that matter

beyond your comfort? Ask someone where you need to

grow. Go to someone who cares about

you and ask them where do you think I'm stuck?

What do I need to change? And listen, here's the reality.

Some of you are sitting here today.

Maybe you're just visiting. You can't grow in Christ because

you've never actually met Him. You've been in that car with me,

this whole message, not outside the men's home, but at a fork in

the road, emotionally, spiritually.

You know you want change in your life and today Jesus is knocking

at your window and I want to give you the opportunity to know

Him. The 2000 years ago God sent his

Son Jesus to walk this earth, to live a perfect life, to live the

life we couldn't live and die the death that I deserve, that

we deserve to pay for our sins. He died the death that we

deserve. He died, was buried and rose on

the third day, defeating death and sin, giving us assurance

that if we put our trust in Him as Lord and Savior that He will

give us eternal life and when we walk out of this life we will

rise and spend eternity with God.

The Bible says that if you declare with your mouth and

believe in your heart that Jesus is your Lord, you will be saved.

If you are willing to ask for forgiveness and salvation today,

I want to give you that chance. Would you bow your heads and

close your eyes just quietly or even silently?

If you want to ask Jesus into your life, repeat this prayer.

Jesus, I know I'm a Sinner and I'm lost on my own.

I can't save myself. I know I'm incapable of living

perfectly. I want you to save me.

I want to be part of your family.

I surrender everything to you. I receive your promise of

relationship, of adoption as your child, of the forgiveness

of sin, of the Holy Spirit and eternal life.

Be my Lord. Please, Jesus, if you prayed

that prayer for the first time right now, would you be brave

and just raise your hand for me to see?

Thank you, thank you. Put your hands down in Jesus

name, Amen. All right, everybody, if you

prayed that prayer today, welcome to the family.

Our prayer team is going to be coming up right now and we'd

love to pray with you. Maybe today you realize there's

something you need to surrender, you need to bury, or maybe

there's there's just something heavy you're carrying.

Whatever it is, we want to pray with you and if you raise your

hand today to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior.

We have two tables in the back, one on the left and one on the

right. Go to the one at the tables.

We have a gift for you. We want to talk with you about

what it looks like to follow Jesus and see how we can help

you on this beautiful journey. Please stand and move as the

Lord leads you.