The Exhaustion of Trying Harder - February 22, 2026

Good morning. My name is Dave.

I'm one of the pastors around here.

I will be in John chapter 15 today continuing our losing

John 15 · chapter mention

statement series. This week we're going to be

talking about losing our self-reliance.

Let me ask you something and get a little feedback.

Is this a safe place to share something I hear?

Little hesitant. I mean, can I really be honest

and open with you guys? OK.

I mean, Pastor Daniel's not here right now.

Are you going to tell on me? Not too long ago, I found myself

drifting further from Christ while simultaneously working

harder for him. Think about that.

I'm drifting away from God, from feeling his presence, enjoying

Him, while at the same time I'm working harder for him in

ministry and Kingdom stuff. Like how does that happen?

How am I drifting away from God? I remember one Sunday morning I

got a phone call right before church.

Typically not a good thing. It's OK, We got this.

I hear our worship leader is sick.

Not coming in. What do you want to do about it?

This is at my previous structure.

No Katie, No Lee to fix me. And I'm being asked, what do we

do? No worries.

I'm a fixer. We got this on the way out.

I'm hustling. I see my daughter.

Hey Liz, super small favor. You want to come to church with

me right now and help lead worship?

Like in 14 minutes? Reluctantly, somehow she says OK

what songs are we singing? Yeah, that's a great question.

On the way to church, I picked 3 songs.

We're in church, we're telling the tech guy, OK, these are the

three, three songs we're going to do.

It's hectic. He's putting them in the

computer as quick as possible. I grab my guitar, we head up to

stage. I get on stage, put a smile on.

I say good morning, let's worship.

We finish worship. I head downstairs, take off my

guitar, take off my in ears, take a big breath, grab my

wireless mic, head back upstairs and preach for the message that

day. At the end of that Sunday, I was

empty. I've been grinding, trying to do

the right thing at that time in my life, trying to be a better

husband, trying to be a more patient dad, trying to leave the

church well, preach better sermons, be more present, be

more focused, more disciplined. And at the end of it all, I was

cooked, exhausted, working harder than I had ever done in

church, and yet drifting further away from God.

If the life, if the Christian life, is supposed to be about

freedom, about joy, about abundance, then why did it feel

like I was slowly dying? I I had turned the gospel into a

self help program with the Jesus sticker slapped on it.

At no point during all that was I getting closer to God.

My ability continued to grow, my dependence weakened.

And I'm not the only one. We live in a culture.

We're obsessed with this self improvement. 10 to 15,000 new

self help books are published every year.

Optimize your routine, hack your mourning, level up your life and

the message is always the same. You can do this.

You just have to have the right program, the right mindset, the

right habits. And this happens in the church

to try harder, do better, clean yourself up.

And millions of Christians are running themselves into the

ground, exhausted. Exhausted by a Christianity that

was never supposed to feel or be like this Jesus.

Jesus offers something completely different and we're

missing it. I missed it.

I'm tempted to miss it again this week, every week.

So let's open our Bibles and understand what Jesus actually

offers us. John 15 verse one.

I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener.

Every branch me that does not produce fruit, he removes.

He prunes every branch that produces fruit so that it will

produce more fruit. You are already clean because of

the words I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I in you, Just

as a branch as unable to produce fruit by itself unless it

remains on the vine, neither can you unless you remain in me.

I am the vine, you are the branch, the one who remains in

me, and I and him produce much fruit because you can do nothing

without me. If anyone does not remain in me,

he's thrown aside like a branch head, and he Withers.

They gather them, they throw them into the fire, they are

burned. If you remain in me and my words

remain in you, ask. Ask whatever you want, and it

will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this,

that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciple.

As the Father, He loved me, and I have also loved you.

Remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you

will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands

and remain in His love. I have told you these things so

that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.

The problem is we're addicted to self-reliance.

Let me ask you, how is that going?

This whole self-reliance thing? Because I've spent years trying

to produce fruit like my life that I actually want, forcing it

through pure willpower. I've tried to manage my anger,

trying really hard not to be angry.

I've tried to be more patient, more loving, more kind, more

like Jesus. I'll tell you what, this is

exhausting because you can't produce spiritual through fruit,

through effort. It's literally impossible.

It's like trying to take a rock and squeeze it so apple juice

comes out of it. But we live in a culture, a

culture that has trained us to believe we can do anything if we

just try harder. And that lie has infected us.

It's infected our thinking. It infected our spiritual lives.

We see Christianity as behavior management.

We think it's about trying really hard to do good, keeping

the rules, managing our thoughts, managing our

addictions. And Jesus says, look, you've got

this all wrong. He actually, he says apart from

me, you can do nothing, nothing. Now, apart from me, it's going

to be harder. No, without abiding in Christ,

we may build careers, reputations and comfort, but not

a life. Not a life that is externally

significant or deeply satisfying here on earth.

Nothing eternal. Most of us have experienced fake

fruit in our lives, sitting on our kitchen tables.

This looks amazing, perfect. But you cut into it, you bite

into it, and you're left with disappointments.

Emptiness. Actually, there's a rock in the

middle of this. Did you know that we run on our

own effort long enough? You do this and you'll get fake

fruit. I can be super patient for three

to five days, super gentle. I can be gentle until I have to

tell my son about the fifth or six times, dude, you got to

listen to me. Then the ACT is over.

I'm not sustaining being more like Jesus.

I'm just producing fake fruit. Jesus isn't saying you need him

to help you, He's saying you need him to be the real you.

The branch doesn't help produce grapes.

The branch receives life from the vine and fruit happens

naturally as a result. How often do we treat Jesus as a

life coach, a spiritual life coach?

We pray for tips and tricks and strategies.

So often we put our identity in what we're doing and producing

instead of who we're actually connected to.

The reality is you and I, we're a branch.

We're not a fruit factory. Look at verse 5.

It says I am the vine. You are the branches.

Your identity is not a fruit producer.

Your identity is a branch. A branch has one job, It's to

stay connected to the vine. That's it.

As the branch receives life, real fruit is the inevitable

result for those of us who love to be in control.

Jesus is saying your primary responsibility isn't to produce

fruit, it's to abide, to stay connected, to receive.

We workaholics love to call ourselves the responsible people

in the room. Amen.

But really, we just want to control things because it makes

us feel better, safer, more valued.

And those of us who've put our identity and performing and

producing this concept is terrifying because if we're not

manufacturing fruit through our effort, then what are we doing

with our lives? Our job.

Our job isn't to create fruit. Our job is to stay connected to

Christ. He produces fruit through US,

life through us, that we can never produce on our own.

The Christian life isn't about knowing more, it's about abiding

more. I, I am an extremely critical

person. My family, my coworkers, they

will vouch for this. It took multiple people to point

it out before I was even willing to look at it to deal with it.

My natural response is I will fix this.

I got this. I'm the king fixer.

I'll fix anything. Give me a YouTube video, I'll

see it. I'll fix it.

I've thought this idea so many times.

My very first tattoo, it's going to be written inside my eyelids.

It's going to say be gentle. Every time I close my eyes I can

see this. Be gentle be gentle.

When I try to fix these things I last I white knuckle it and last

about 3 days. Be gentle.

Less critical, but it never really sticks because I'm

treating the symptom instead of the root of the problem, trying

to manufacture gentleness and patience through sheer

willpower. This doesn't work.

It can't work because we're not fruit factories.

We're branches. Not until I stop stop trying to

fix this problem and realize I'm drifting from God.

That's when I can start working on it.

We don't fix our problems by staring at them.

We fix our problems by staring at Jesus, spending more time

with Him. You don't have the resources to

produce the life that God is calling you to live.

We were not designed this way. You were designed to let Jesus

flow through you, not to create it on your own.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, self-control,

gentleness. This is not a checklist.

This is flavor of the fruit. It's like saying an apple is

sweet and crisp and juicy. So what does abiding actually

mean? It means remaining to stay, to

dwell, to make your home in, to live in Jesus.

This is not a quick visit. It's not stopping by to check in

with Jesus one week at church. It's living a constant

connection to him. Look at verse 4.

It says abide in me and I in you.

Jesus isn't standing there from a distance saying work harder,

get closer to me. He's saying I'm already in you,

Christian, and you're already in me.

Now live like it's true. Abiding is reflecting on God and

all his goodness to the point where joy, joy just starts to

spill out of you. Abiding is listening to worship

music where it actually generally rises your spirit.

Abiding means talking with Jesus throughout your day, not just

praying in your morning or when you get a flat tire, but in all

the moments, this isn't about being supernatural.

This is about being super honest, saying Jesus, I'm about

to walk into this situation. I'm anxious.

I need you, Lord. I'm frustrated with my kids.

I'm tired of them. Give me patience, I need you.

It's recognizing your need to turn to the source in real time.

Secondly, abiding means saturating our mind and what God

says, so that when lies come, let me tell you the lies will

come. Amen.

You have something stronger to reach for when anxiety and shame

and fear starts shaking you. You interrupted with what?

God says. Anxiety tells you this situation

is hopeless, you're going to fall apart.

God says I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Shame tells you you've messed up way too many times.

You're done. You're disqualified.

God says there is no condemnation for those in Christ

Jesus. Fear tells you you're on your

own, figure it out. God says I'm the vine, you're

the branch. My life, my life is in you right

now. Folks, read your Bibles not as a

religious duty, but when the time arises, you can stand so

tall on God's truth and interrupt those lies.

Psalm one says the person who meditates on God's word day and

night is like a tree. Like a tree planted by streams

of water that yields fruit in season.

That's not poetic language. That is a promise.

He becomes your water source. Abiding means you're so

saturated in what God says that it becomes your default way of

thinking to the point it just leaks out of you.

Abiding means learning to recognize when you've

disconnected. For me, the warning sign is I'm

overwhelmed. Not a dramatic crisis, just that

constant feeling that I can't do everything.

I can't catch up. The mental loop starts to go.

I've got this, I've got to fix it.

It all depends on me. I get short, I get irritable.

I'm half present talking to you because I'm already thinking

about two more things ahead. This could be a workload

problem, but over and over it's a connection problem.

I've drifted back into performance instead of receiving

what God has already given me. I'm trying to be the fruit

instead of the branch and it's not working.

This is not spiritual gymnastics.

This is just an honest connection with God.

Maybe your sign isn't being overwhelmed.

Maybe it's not resentment. But maybe it is comparisons.

Maybe you don't know what it is. I challenge you.

Before you go to bed tonight, evaluate your connection on the

car ride home, maybe at lunch, before the end of the day.

Ask God. God, when and where do you see

me? Drifting away from you #2 ask

somebody who cares about you. Whatever this is that you

discover, learn it, name it. Give next week a fighting chance

to be different. Different through the knowledge

of knowing what this is. Different by relying on Christ,

abiding in his Word, in his truth, Because we can't

reconnect to something that we don't notice, we don't notice

we've actually disconnected from Him.

Abiding isn't passive, but it is restful.

There's a difference. Tomorrow, before you fill your

lives up with your commute, before your kids, before your

emails go to Christ, tell them Jesus, I can't do this on my

own. I need you.

And we may discover, we may discover that something needs to

be removed from our lives for us to abide in Him.

Verse 2 says every branch in me that does not bear fruit he

takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes

that it may bear more fruit. Pruning is not a punishment.

Pruning is preparation. It feels like something is being

taken away, something that you need.

Maybe it's a relationship that needs to end.

Maybe it's a dream that's not unfolding in your timeline.

In these moments, it feels like loss.

But God could actually be removing from you what's keeping

you from Him, pruning away the self-reliance that keeps you

from experiencing the abundance that He wants to give you.

God never cuts away what doesn't need to be cut.

For me, that looked like a stable job.

I'd gotten so comfortable. I think about this and I'm like

cruising through life. It is comical.

I'm just so happy. I'm just, yeah, this is great.

Everything's amazing. Joy, carefree, everything

handled on the inside. I'm building a life that is one

bump away from pure collapse of stability, predictability in the

name of a paycheck, and without realizing it, I stopped

depending on God. The day the stable job

disappeared, everything shifted. Joy turned into anxiety.

Confidence turned into questions.

I remember thinking, God, where are you?

That job, that job had become my vine.

My security wasn't in Jesus, it was in a paycheck.

That time, that time was the time I found real dependence,

real trust, real abiding, real focusing on the Christ, not

because life had gotten stable, but I experienced Jesus being

the source of my needs. If something is being stripped

away, you have to ask, who do I trust?

Do I trust myself that I can push through this and get

through this and make it happen? Or do I trust God and call upon

Him? God isn't pruning, pruning you

because he wants to be disgusted with you.

He's pruning you because he loves you.

He says you already clean because of the words I have

spoken. He's pruning you because he

loves you so much that he doesn't want you to stay stuck

in the self-reliance. Because on the other side of

pruning is abundance, Not scarcity, not loss.

His whole point isn't to take away, but to give.

Look at verse 8 and 11 says by this my Father is glorified,

that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples for

these things I've spoken to you, that my joy may be in you and

that your joy may be full. An overflowing life that is

generally connected to the source, the source of all good

things. Fruitful lives glorify God.

Fruit in your lives prove prove to those watching that you're

different. When people see you in patience

and patient, that makes no sense.

In circumstances that you should not be patient, that's fruit.

When you have joy that isn't dependent on a life going well,

that's fruit. Fruit you didn't manufacture,

fruit you received. Because as you abide in Christ

it continues to grow and become more abundant.

That's the life Jesus is inviting you to.

Not a life of addictions or self help where I got this mentality,

but a life filled with purpose, joy, peace in all circumstances.

When you trust him, his power, his spirit begins to work within

you. Not self help, not try harder,

not clean yourself up, not hope for the best.

You don't have to manufacture purpose.

You don't have to carry this alone.

You receive what He's already done.

Maybe you've heard in your life that if you don't pray enough,

maybe you don't read your Bible enough.

Maybe you don't serve enough. If you don't do these things,

God is going to be disconnected to you.

He's going to cut you off. That's not what He's teaching.

Verse 2 says again, every branch in me that does not bear fruit,

He takes away. The question isn't whether or

not you're producing enough fruit.

The real question is, are you connected to Him?

Have you put your trust, your reliance in Jesus?

Because when you're secure in that, you're free to just abide,

not out of fear, not out of approval.

He says you're already connected to Him, but maybe you're not.

Maybe you're not connected to God because if you're here today

and you've never actually put your trust in Jesus, your

alliance in Jesus, let me tell you what that means.

It means that you recognize that yourself reliance will never be

enough. It will never save you.

It will never get you to the end because you cannot produce the

life that God requires to be connected to Him without

someone's help. Jesus says apart from me you can

do nothing, I can do nothing. But today, today He invites you

to connect to Him, to receive the life that only He can give

from a man who came to earth, who lived a sinless life so that

when the time came he would be marched to a cross and crucified

as a sacrifice for anyone who believes in Him.

Romans 10/9 says if that you confess with your mouth that

Jesus is Lord, and that you believe with all your life that

he's been raised from the dead, that this was all true, that's

it, that's what it takes. You will be saved.

You'll be connected to God, connected to the source that

gives true life. It seems simple, but there's

people that sit in pews year after year who don't get this.

Stop trusting in yourself. You have to trust in Him.

I give you that opportunity today, right now.

Everybody, let's take a moment. Let's close your eyes.

We're going to pray. If you're willing to ask God for

forgiveness, tell him, I can't do this.

If you're willing to give your life to Christ, then take this

moment to talk to God. Pray to him, say these words,

say something similar, but this is between you and God.

Pray Jesus. I know I'm a Sinner, I'm a

messed up person. I cannot fix myself.

I want you to save me. Give me the life that only you

can give. Today I surrender to you.

I receive your promise of forgiveness, adoption, your

promise of eternal life. Jesus be my Lord.

If you pray that for the very first time, would you be brave

and raise your hand? Thank you, you can put your

hands down in Jesus name, Amen. If today you surrendered

yourself reliance, you gave your life to Christ.

Welcome to the family of God. Your journey in a new life has

just begun. There's tables on the back that

say, I raise my hand during this last song that we're about to

sing right now. Go to that table.

Celebrate with those people. Let us take the first steps with

you. If you're about to get baptized,

now is the time to go to that corner table.

These people are waving at you. Our prayer team is about to come

up right now during our closing song.

I encourage you to come. I encourage you to pray.

Come pray about anything. Take that first step.

The idea of I have everything put together.

I have self-reliance and toss it.

Come pray about something. Move as the Lord leads you.