First be Reconciled - Leland Zehr

Good morning. It's good to be with you this morning. I welcome all

of you as well. Summertime came this class week on the calendar, and

it looks like it's came into our service with the normal visitors that come with

summer, and we're glad for that. We're glad that you young guys that

are here to work are here, and I hope that it can be a

summer that you will look back on and not have regrets, and that you

will be blessed for being here. There's been a couple of subjects on my

mind for quite some time that I've been wanting to give. I wasn't sure

when one of them is today, and I've been planning this for a while.

The service. It seems like the Lord has a theme for us this

morning, somewhat Sunday School and some earnest comments dovetailed very much overlapped. Maybe

the sermon has been preached in some ways. Dan's question last Sunday was brought

out. Forget exactly how that was worded, but something to the effect of

I have it here, how can correction be a blessing? So that stood

out to me when he mentioned that last night last week because I had these

thoughts in my mind. I'd like for you to consider a question before I

give you the subject. As you think about about life, as you think

about your past, some of the most hurtful things in your life are hard

things, especially older people. It might be different for younger people. What

have they come from? What type of hurts are they? Especially after you've

made the initial step to follow follow God, repent from your sins. Then

you started with walking with the Lord. Maybe you join the church and you

have a history and you have wounds. Unless you have unless you're very young.

I want to read Matthew five twenty one the words of Jesus here.

If you want to read a few verses there, take the title from here,

but I'm going to be moving to another passage for most of the message.

Then Matthew five, starting at verse twenty one, jumping in here,

and we talked about anger in Sunday School, very very compatible with some of

the things that Jesus says here. You have heard that it was said by

them of old thou shalt not kill, and whosoever shall kill shall be in

danger of the judgment. But I say unto you that whosoever is angry with

his brother without a cause, shall be in danger of the judgment. And

whosoever shall say to his brother rayka shall be in danger of the council.

But whosoever shall say thou fool shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore,

if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there remember us thy

brother hath aught against THEE, leave there thy gift before the altar, and

go thy way. First be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and

offer thy gift. Agree with thine adversary quickly well art in the way with

him, lest at any time the adversary delivered THEE to the judge, and

the judge delivered THEE to the officer, And thou shalt be cast into prison

barely I send to thee, thou shalt, by no means come out,

thence till thou hast paid the utter most farthing. This isn't maybe one hundred

percent true, but if I had to guess for those of you that are

forty fifty in older, in your life, some of the hardest things that

you have faced in life have to do with relationships other people in some way

or another, And that could be in the family. That can be in

the church, that can be in the workplace, that can be the betrayal

of a close friend. The title of the message this morning is from verse

twenty four. First be reconciled the context of this verse and this passage.

Here is Jesus, like he did with different of the ten commandments. Is

he picks up the commandment it hast been said, thou shalt not kill.

And then he goes on to give a higher law, a higher requirement,

something that has to do with the thoughts and the intents and the attitudes of

our heart in our relationship with other people. This thing of hatred and anger.

We can contain it sometimes on the outside, but inside it's boiling,

it's bubbling. I have feelings, I have thoughts, and Jesus is saying,

he that hateth his brother is a murderer. Now, our world is

I don't need to tell you this, but our world is full of broken

relationships and hurting people. There's wars all over the globe. There is hatred

and strife with countries to countries. You know this. I don't need to

go over that. The governments in our legal systems are courts in our own

lands. There's a whole economy built on trying to bring some kind of reconciliation

to broken relationships. In the lives of people. There is judges, there

is lawyers, there is courthouses, attorneys, probation officers, law enforcement.

Millions and millions and millions of dollars every year go into trying to bring restoration,

and it isn't even true restoration, just some kind of civil restoration.

In the lives of citizens and people, marriages and homes are broken and s

hurting unresolved. In businesses, there's often professional advisors or people that are hired

not to do the work of the business, but to simply manage people in

their relationships to keep the thing going smoothly so that the work can be done.

And you know, it'd be nice if when we come to the foot

of the cross and that we're born again and we join a church, that

all that problem would be left behind us. But like I said, if

you've lived very long, you know that that isn't the case. Unfortunately,

sometimes it seems to intensify, maybe become harder in some ways. You know,

maintaining good godly relationships with people takes a lot of diligence, a lot

of commitment, and the wisdom of God. The overarching theme of the Bible

is about man's broken relationship with God and God inviting, creating a plan,

making a way to restore relationship with man and God. That is, in

a nutshell, that is what we preach year after year, and what we

read about in the Bible. That is the heart of God. And in

Second Corinthians five eighteen it says all things are of God, who has reconciled

us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given us the ministry of reconciliation.

And in First Corinthians First Corinthians six we have a passage there where Paul

is rebuking the Corinthian Church because the brotherhood is taking each other to law,

civil law, to settle matters within their own body. And he's said,

don't do that. Isn't there a wise man among you, You that have

been redeemed, should be making these judgments among yourselves and bringing redemption. We

as conservative Christian people are blessed in so many ways, more than we know,

and we have all our faults. But one thing that bothers me sometimes

is that maybe we're sometimes weak on healthy conflict resolution. Look across our land,

our churches, our people just dividing and going and coming, and not

all of that is bad. There's a place for that, but not if

personal conflicts haven't been restored. You know, keeping healthy long term relationships ships

take a lot of hard work. There's a lot of people that are good

at the pop, good at short term relationships in marriages, and it's true

on the work, but the years grind on and the rubs happen and the

faults start to manifest themselves, and then it's just too much and it's time

to go to the next place, get a fresh start. People that don't

know me. Long term relationships take a lot of persistence and commitment, and

you know, there's many wrong ways. It's just how the Christian life is.

There's many wrong ways to respond to tense relationships in very few right ways.

But that is just part of the narrow way. But Jesus does not

leave us without hope. That is the positive side this morning. He leaves

us with instructions, he leaves us with a plan, He leaves us with

a way through conflict into reconciliation. And I want to get to some of

that in Matthew five, and excuse Matthew eighteen here in a little bit.

But first I want to take make one important point here in Matthew five that

is a little clearer here than there, and that is simply how important is

reconciliation with my brother and with my sister. And I will say now,

and I might say it again, that the message this morning on this subject

is primary to do with fellow Christians within within a Christian brotherhood. Most of

these principles are effective outside the church as well, but not not the same.

The instructions that Jesus gave were to the church and to a brotherhood and

to people within a church. It does change the dynamics when you have a

broken relationship with an unbeliever. He doesn't play by the same rules. He's

not obligated to even try to follow the way of Christ. So it is

different. But how important is reconciliation? And here in Matthew twenty three it

says, if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there remember that

thy brother has thought against thee, leave their thy gift to the altar,

and go thy way, and first be reconciled. Jesus teaching here on this

on the bringing a gift to the altar, I could. I won't go

into much of that, and I don't even know one hundred percent what all

he meant directly. But in the Old Testament, the practices of someone coming

to the temple, coming to the altar usually had something to do with seeking

a blessing from God. Maybe that blessing was just simply restoring the relationship with

God or reconciliation with God for sins or something. It could been a sacrifice

or something else. But the picture of a man coming to the altar with

the intent to have a relationship with God and to get the blessing of God

and Jesus is saying here that God is not interested. And it reminds me

of some of the verses we had in Proverbs, in our gifts, in

our worship, in our prayers, when there's just broken relationships that should be

reconciled. He says, go just leave it there. I don't I don't

even want it until you have made peace with your with your brother. Now.

For maybe for maybe us today that that is a dedicated daily devotional life.

Maybe that is going to prayer meeting every time we have prayer meeting or

VS work or evangelizing teaching, preaching being conservative for fifty years straight, whatever

it might be. Those things are good, those things are godly. But

within within with with broken relationships, God turns a deaf ear and a blind

eye. M He doesn't only say to go, He doesn't say to finish

it, but he says go first. He gives importance, and he gives

order of importance. Don't finish the sacrifice at and then go, just drop

it and go. It is the most it's the highest priority. It's something

that has to be done first. Don't move forward in life until the reconciliation

has been done. Reminds me of the verse in Proverbs and one Peter three

seven, where it talks about the husbands. Likewise, ye husband's dwell with

them according to knowledge, giving honor under the wife is under the weaker vessel,

as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be

not hindered. And that is a verse that is talking to us husbands especially,

but I think it works in other relationships or applies we as husbands.

If we are mean to our wives, rude to our wives, have a

broken relationship with a lot of lives. We can dress up however we want

and come to church and sing songs, and God is not impressed. Our

prayers are hindered. Prayers are blocked. Hindered means to frustrate or to cut

down, and God is saying, don't waste your time. Reconcile with your

wife before you go get ready for church. I think God has set up

both with man and women, wife, marriage, church, fellow humans,

the relationship, the vertical relationship with God and the horizontal. Many of you

know that I probably am. I don't know. Some of you might feel

I'm too heavy on relationships. That's fine. I'm not very impressed with people

that can talk about the relationship with God unless the horizontal relationship is there.

I'm just not. The Bible says that it's the proof, and we can

tell ourselves all kinds of things about our relationship with God, but the Bible

is very clear that if it's broken this way, it's not there. And

we're telling ourselves fairy tales. In our Sunday school class last week, I

think it was the sacrifices of the wick that are an abomination to the Lord.

But the prayer of the upbright is his delight, and it's that same

idea of coming to the Lord with abomination in our heart. It's kind of

like trying to buy God off when we continue to bring sacrifices and pray and

do religious activities to soothe our conscience, knowing the whole time that I have

hatred towards my brother or ill will. It's kind of a bargaining and a

buying off. Let's turn to Matthew eighteen. I'm worried about the time,

so I'm trying to keep moving. I don't want to be too hurried,

but I don't want to keep you lay either, if possible, Matthew eighteen

one, This chapter is loaded. I could just go on all kinds of

bunny trails here, but I'm going to try to just keep the focus on

the message today. First, be reconciled and bring in a few things.

Here. I'll read the first seventeen verses of Matthew eighteen. At the same

time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying who is the greatest in the Kingdom

of Heaven? And Jesus called a little child unto him and set him in

the midst of them, and said, verily, I say unto you,

except you be converted and become as little children, you shall not enter into

the Kingdom of heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child the

same as the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And whosoever shall receive one

such little child in my name, receiveth me. But whosover shall offend one

of these little ones which believe in me? It were better for him that

a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned into the

depth of the sea. Woe into the world because of offenses. For it

must needs be that offenses come, but woe to that man by whom the

offense cometh. Wherefore, if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut

them off and cast them from thee. It is better for THEE to enter

into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to

be cast into everlasting fire. And if then I offend THEE, pluck it

out and cast it from thee, it is better for THEE to enter into

life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell

fire. Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones. For

I say unto you that in heaven their angels do always behold the face of

my Father, which is in heaven. For the Son of Man is come

to save that which is lost. How think ye, if a man have

a hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, doth he not

leave the ninety and nine and go into the mountains and seek that which has

gone astray? And if so be that he find it barely, I send

to you he rejoiceth more of that sheet than of the ninety and nine,

which went not astray. Even so, it is not the will of your

Father, which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against THEE, go and tell him

his fault between THEE and him alone. If he shall hear THEE, thou

hast gained, thy brother. But if he will not hear THEE, then

take with THEE too, one or two more, that in the mouth of

two or three witnesses, every word may be established. And if he that

shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he

neglect to hear the church let him be into thee as a heathen man and

a publican. And I would say that verse right there is about as good

of a verse for some kind of identity as who is in the churches is

who is out of the church. Barely, I said to you, whatsover

you shall bind on earth, shall be bound in heaven, and whatsover shall

be loosed in her shall be loosed in heaven. I think I'll stop there

now. There's a lot in here, like I said, but I want

to just point out a couple things here. How this whole passage got started.

Jesus got to talking here. It started with a question, and one

of the disciples, or the disciples, came to him and said, who

is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven? And I don't know their motives.

I'd like to give them as much credit as possible. Maybe they were

wanting to be really good disciples, really good followers of Jesus. Maybe so.

Maybe they had ambition and wanted to be an authority. We don't know

for sure. But Jesus did an interesting thing. He didn't say anything at

first. He says, he looked around, he found a small child,

and he brought the child up and he gave them an object lesson and he

said, if you want to be great, and great is to elevate,

and to become higher and better becomes this little child. That is the path

to becoming great in the Kingdom of Heaven. To go higher is to go

lower. And when we talked about that, that was talked about in Sunday

School as well. Humility and how do we do this and how does it

happen? We all know that we're just just in our dna. We tend

to be proud, We just tend to We fight that, but shall humble

himself? To humble as a verb, it's not something that just comes upon

us and we can't do anything about it. We are to humble ourselves and

that is action, that is things we have to do. It's thought patterns,

it's the way we act. It's at a conscious awareness to humble ourselves,

to depressed, to a base, to bring low. And Proverbs talks

about pride being contention and pride comes from It was mentioned all kinds of heads

come out of pride manifests itself and I don't want to go into that,

but humility is the bedrock. I would say one of the key things to

the ability to have reconciliation. You take one or just one, but for

sure two people that are proud, and it will take the Lynn County Courthouse

to bring that to any kind of reconciliation. Proud people cannot reconcile. They

can maybe make an agreement, they can maybe come to some kind of but

they won't reconcile on a heart level. Pride is an obstacle. It is

it's in the way a child, a small child, is so honest.

They're unaware of themselves. They're just say things that aren't proper, but we

all know they're true. They don't have militia, they're not malice in their

heart, not trying to impress anybody. They're just they don't care if their

shirttails out or they have a rooster tail. They're just living life, happy

as can be, humble and innocent. If they're wronged, they're mad for

a minute, but then they're their friends and act reconciliation is. Humility is

essential. Six through ten. I won't go into that very much, but

it's talking there about the seriousness of offending little ones and causing we could just

say causing children young people Christians to stumble. And it says here that offenses

will come. And I think that that is just something that is part of

life, and we should just not get too upset or let it ruin our

day quite so easily when things go wrong or people say things, because offenses

will come. But he says, the most important thing is to you try

not to be the one that brings offenses upon people, especially these little ones.

Do your best to pave the way. And for young Christians, one

thing, maybe just say, let's don't be easily offended. Don't be a

touchy touchy that boy if somebody says or looks at me wrong or about my

children or whatever it might be. I, you know, just a f

a anything we should be. I think Christian maturity should help us with that.

Okay, So there's several practical steps here that I want to look at,

and primarily very well known. You probably have a memorized in fifteen to

fifteen to seventeen especially, and again these are steps that are for the for

Christian fellow Christians. They don't quite follow true outside the church. I don't

believe they're simple, they're clear, they're easy to understand and yet they can

be very difficult to follow. Step one. I'm going to go over these

quickly and then I'm going to kind of come back over and maybe mix some

of these and step one. And this is found in both Matthew five that

we read and in this chapter of eighteen. And the first point is simply

go go if there is an offense, he says, go, get up

and go. And maybe the question is, well, whose responsibility is it

though? Who should go? Yes, I feel like he's offended at me,

but he's the one offended. Well, Matthew five says that if you

remember that your brother hath aught against you, you're not even upset at him

necessarily, but you know that he's upset with you, you have responsibility to

leave your gift and go and try to reconcile with that brother or sister.

Matthew eighteen. Here he says it the other way. If a brother trespasses

against me, and now I'm the offended one, and maybe he knows,

maybe he doesn't know, he says go. So either way, regardless of

the details, if there's a broken relationship within the Christian brotherhood, there is

a command and a mandate. If you want reconciliation. The first step is

to go and to go alone. Go alone, tell him his fault verse

fifteen between the and I think it's interesting. Jesus doesn't get specific a lot

on some things. He leaves the principles there, but he does here.

He says, go alone, and if you hear thee, thou shalt gain

thy brother. And if he doesn't, then take two or three. That's

getting into the next one. Don't don't go with anyone else at first.

Just go quietly to that person. Don't go tell others first, and go

meet with him face to face or her face to face. There's so much

more that happens in that. It's risky, it's vulnerable, it's scary.

Third point, tell him, and I'm simply the point of commune. Kate

and I understand it's hard to communicate in conflict. Talk to the person,

express your heart in whatever way it is, or your questions, and speak

kindly, Speak softly. A soft answer turneth away. Raw soft answer often

softens hearts if it's genuine. But you need but we need to be direct

and we need to be kind at the same time. Point number four here,

be quick to hear and slow to speak, but we need to speak

at times. Here here means both to heed to. In other words,

if you hear something kind of you obey. But it's also the point I

want to make is to listen. Whether it's the whether I'm going or you're

coming, It's very important to be a listener in the process of reconciliation,

to be a good listener, to to look into their eyes, to hear

what they have to say. Try to understand their perspective, even though it

is like completely Greek to you. Whatever her perspective is, try to understand

it. Try try to see it from the other angle. Don't be defensive,

keep your Christian composure even when you don't agree that that that destroys that

process really quick. When it when it's a vulnerable situation and somebody has finally

got up the courage to come and come carefully and to try to try to

work on this thing, and then there's anger, and then there's accusation back

just locks everything down. Go prayerfully and with the goal of gaining thy brother.

And this might be the most important and yet obvious point that I'll say

this morning, is that we have to have a sincere desire for reconciliation,

like you really have to want to be reconciled with that brother sistern if deep

down in your heart you don't want reconciliation. You don't want that, but

you want to be right with God. You want to go through the steps,

but there isn't a sincere heart to resolve the problem. It won't work.

You can go through those steps as much as you want and it will

fail most likely. Go prayerfully, spend time and prayer, think about it

carefully, be slow to speak, examine your own motives. Sometimes when we

wait, God lays it on our heart that we like you know, actually

I see it different a week later. I'm sure glad I slowed down.

That would have been That would have been a mess, That would have been

unwise. Other times he presses it upon you and you don't want to,

but you know you need to and you should. But if you take the

time, and you humble yourself and you have and you try to align your

heart with genuine sincerity for reconciliation, then the success of that will be high.

Keep the problems, don't be back, don't go the opposite, don't

go with the head of steam, don't go to just get it off your

chest. There, I did it. I went and talked to him.

I told him everything that it was on my mind the last month. And

then I walk away and I've fulfilled that responsibility. That isn't the proper step

of reconciliation, and we feel better. I got rid of that. But

now what are they supposed to do with it? It's not hasn't been talked

to, it hasn't been resolved. There hasn't been true reconciliation. Keep the

problem as small as possible for as long as possible. That's a nutshell version

of what Jesus is saying here. Just keep the problem small. Treat it

like someone that you love. If I get into an argument with my son,

whom I love and we have a conflict, I don't go out and

tell three or four people throughout the day and tell them on the phone what

Isaac did and then no, I it grieves me. I just assume the

rest of you didn't know. Because I love him, you know, straightforward

as these things are. And I should have said this at the beginning,

and I'll say it now, and if I can remember, I'll say it

again. This subject, I feel is vitally important and literally vitally important to

our Christian life, like life and death vitally. And I don't give it

because I am so good at it. In fact, I fail, and

some of you probably have witnessed that. But I give it because I think

it is so important and that I need it, and that you need it,

and that we need it. But as straightforward as these steps are,

it is amazing to me how many grown adult men and women can jumble this

thing up and do it all backwards, skip a step, whatever it might

be, not follow this plan that Jesus laid out. The few times that

I did try to do this correctly, I would just say, when when

all those things are in line this the success is very very high of it.

And when I haven't, it's caused all kinds of complicated problems. It's

easy to skip a step and go tell tell others first, and then go

talk to the person. Jesus gave these for a reason, and the reason

is is because it's successful, because it is the most gracious and respectful way

to do this. Maybe a few reasons why why are we tempted not to

follow this? I would say a few reasons are there's there's a mix.

Sometimes we're just afraid. It's it's hard. I'm afraid of making a bigger

mess. I don't know what to do with it. And there does take

and maybe I'll get to some of that, but I think it does take

a little dissernment. Sometimes we don't run to everybody with every little grudge we

have about them. That's where the prayer and the time comes in. Maybe

in examining our own hearts. There are things that we just need to let

go, things that are about that person that I would just assume we're different,

but it's part of who they are, and we just need to learn

to probably live with some of that if it isn't sin and it's all right,

they're doing that with me most likely as well. But a couple of

the reasons maybe is along with fear, is it's just, you know,

it's a lot more if you're honest, and I'm honest, it's a lot

more fun and interesting to tell others and to stir things up then to quietly

resolve a problem. At least if we don't have love for that person,

it's hard to walk towards conflict. It's hard to walk towards disagreements, and

I remember hearing a older wise man that works with these kind of things say

walk towards pain, walk towards the pain, and of course that has to

be done carefully. That is often the only path is through. If we

duck and dodge and run and hide, we're only delaying it. It's not

healthy. There's three main responses that people tend to do in time of conflict,

and two of them are negative. One of them is that to run

to escape, and you could call it peace faking, as someone termed it.

It seems like peace just every time there's a problem, I'll just I'll

get out of the way, I'll just go stay away from it all.

But really it's short term relief. It's not really peace. It's not a

long term reconciliation. The second one is kind of the opposite. It's a

kind of attack. It's going to fix it, going to come into that

thing and say it how it is. And it's kind of an emotional assault,

intimidation, trying through sheer emotion get the other person to fall in line,

I suppose. And then the third one is peacemakers, which we're talking

about this morning, and going going walking towards the problem, communicating, listening

here and preparing our heart, walking in humility. This is God's way.

There's a lot of negative side effects that come both in the life of the

personal life of a person and in a church and in a place of business

and a group of people when these steps aren't followed. And I want to

talk about that just a little bit here, some of the damages of not

following this. It's not a in some ways, it's just like, well,

just I'll just leave it. It's not really right, but I'm just

gonna There's a lot there's there's multiple problems with with that number one. When

we do that, we often will say, well, it's all right,

I'm fine with it. But we're carrying that thing around in our chest and

it's not all right, and it bugs us. And we might be able

to let it go for a week or two weeks, but it comes back

the next time something happens and it's heavier, and we're still carrying this thing

around. And when we carry this around, it's natural and it's right to

want to get it off our chest. That is the way God made us.

But so often and then what happens is we get it off our chest

in the wrong way, and it's too all again back to all the wrong

people and problems. And I'm going to try to avoid I'm gonna say the

word once and then I'm gonna avoid it. But the idea of gossip,

and the reason I steered clear of gossip is because none of you are gossips.

That is what people do about us generally. I mean, we just

think that way. Like I want to use a biblical word, a tail

bearer, and the Bible talks multiple times about the tail bearer, and when

we're talking about the results and the fruit that comes out of not following the

plan that Jesus laid out here all the way back, and this has been

a problem from the beginning of time. Back in Leviticus, there's a verse

I'd like to read more, but I don't have time, Verse sixteen.

You could read the whole context of that if you want. But thou shalt

not go up and down as a tail bearer among the people, Neither shall

they'll stand against the blood of thy neighbor. I am the Lord. Just

a simple commandity. He talks about loving, but tail bearing is often the

alternate to healthy conflict resolution. That is just kind of the general alternative that

happens. Tail bearing. It's a lot easier, and like I said,

it's more interesting, and especially if I'm kind of offended at the person,

barely want reconciliation anyways, tale bearing does it. It relieves my emotions.

It just seems to solve the problem. But talking with others that agree with

me instead of the appropriate person takes no back bomb it's cowardly. It's easy.

It's the natural human tendency when we go to talk to their own people.

It does several things. One it sows discord and Proverbs sixteen twenty eight

froward man soeth strife and whisper separate a chief friends and a whisper. It's

an interesting word, whispering. Tail bearing it actually separates good friends at times.

It's back behind the scenes. It's not out front. It's not in

healthy conflict resolution. It's being fed and festered and feelings are being shaped and

opinions are being formed. Another thing that tail bearing does it often it divides

friends. But it makes friends, but they're built on a common enemy often,

which is very unhealthy. That's another side effect. Sometimes when we're involved

in tail bearing. We're really sensitive about it. When it happens to us

and it comes out, we're suspicious everybody else is doing it. I'm just

pretty sure they're talking about me. Sometimes it's a window into our own heart.

We can be a part of a tail bearer and encourage and promote it

without saying a lot of words. We can get pretty good at dropping a

few strategic questions in the form of concerns that draw out of you know,

good and well. That person is vulnerable for that, and it feeds it

and it receives it, and as listeners we should strive to curb that thing

back to its proper place and say, have you talked to your brother?

Have you talked to your sister? Proverbs twenty six twenty says, where no

wood is there, the fire goes out. So where there is no tail

bearer, the strife ceaseth. Tail bearing stirs up strife has said, and

I've heard, and I've felt, and some of you know what I'm talking

about. That if you're involved in that, it just agitates your soul.

That's what you think about, and it just becomes consuming in our minds.

Information that has passed on through the avenue of tail bearing and whispering is often

not verified. That's another problem with it. Its emotions and feelings are stirred

up in conclusions and judgments are made, but there has never been any verification

of the facts or the contexts of what it was given, or the other

side of the story. It's lovin that spreads, and it's damaging because it's

also subtle, and there's people that are walking around that can be offended at

somebody that they never even talked to. That words of a tail bearer as

wounds and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. Another thing

that happens with this tail bearing is it destroys trust and it erodes it.

It leads to many negative other effects. People tend to lock up, they

withdraw, they build walls, and we can talk about accountability meetings and we

can create groups, but if there is not trust, it will not work.

And maybe sometimes we need to learn to trust. That's probably a sermon

in itself to quit being so protective. But if there's reason to not trust

that you without trust, it's broken. You can't do much. It's an

effect that does come with that, and it can drive the young away and

older. As far as that offends people, why would they be a part

of that something that Dad is constantly complaining about, Why would I be a

part of that? The Bible way redeems and reconciles. How do we know

what to talk about? And I won't take much time on this. I

don't know exactly. I think that takes some dessernment. I think again,

sometimes we need to let things go and sometimes we need to pursue it.

But think, maybe, think about would I be willing to take this?

Is this an issue that I'd be willing to take two or three brothers with

me and go talk to this person about would I be willing to take them

to that point or not? And if it's not, maybe I need to

examine that and be careful with that to follow through with that. Okay,

So now the last ingredient, and I'm not going to go into this very

much, but it deserves a lot of time. And that is Jesus brings

in in Matthew eighteen, verse twenty one. I didn't read it, but

the teaching on forgiveness. Forgiveness, we have all been hurt, we have

all hurt. There's no way with all the judges in the land to get

it right and go back and clean up all the messes that we have been

either created or been a part of. So we do our best, and

then there's things that we just forgive. We just must forgive and let some

things go. And you know, I was thinking about this. It's just

too bad. It's the way it is. But it is. Our memories

are so keen on the hurts that have happened to us, but so forgive

on when I've hurt you. It's just I don't remember how I hurt you

last year, but you know, I can remember hurts way back, and

I think, just to remember that we've hurt people, we fail. We

need to give grace, We need to forgive, we need to let go

of When Jesus tells this story of a good king that forgave this man that

had a wife and a family and children and possibly lived a life like us.

And it was tax season or whatever it was, and the man came

and owed the king, and the king said, there's no way you can

pay that, and he commanded them to be sold. And I can just

I can picture the man me standing there and the wife and the children off

to the side, and this whole thing is just going to get auctioned off,

and then you're going to go to prison. And that man just fell

before the king and just pled and he didn't even ask for forgiveness. He

just had asked for patience. He said, with time, Just give me

time and I will pay you back. And there's an interesting word I want

to bring up along with forgiveness here verse twenty seven. It says the lord

of that servant was moved with compassion, and when that happened, he loosed

him, forgave him and let him go, didn't even require didn't even take

him up on the deal of extending the loan. His heart was so moved

when he possibly seen the weeping man and the weeping children and the whole situation,

it just all of a sudden it became clear to him and he forgave

the whole thing. And then we know that that same man went out found

another man and said, you owe me money, grabbed him by the throat,

and the other man pleaded the same thing, and he said, no,

you're going to prison. And when the king heard of that, he

was angry, and he said, shouldst not thou also have had compassion on

thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee. Compassion is a

is a powerful thing. But I think compassion often comes at least sometimes for

me. You know, I can build a big case in my mind,

just get all my things, arguments right. But sometimes when I go to

that person and I look into their eyes and I hear their side of the

story and I see their pain, my heart is moved with compassion, and

it's like, you know what, it looks different now, it's all right,

It's okay. I forgive you, you forgive me. Whatever. It

might be very important in the process of reconciliation. We can't stand on my

opinion, can't be inflexible. Offenses will come. So in closing, just

want to recap this a little bit. Jesus said, first, be reconciled.

It's the order of importance. It's the most important thing we can do

as a Christian, as a church, as a family. Be willing to

take the practical steps to be reconciled. If you're out of practice, just

practice them. Just do it anyways, and be careful, be humble,

and go prayerfully. Try to break the old habits. Go go in humility,

Go in prayer, go and speak, listen, understand the other perspective,

Be willing to be moved with compassion, and to forgive from the heart.

Remember that God has forgiven us much bigger debt than we will ever need

to forgive our brother and one more thing. The closer that we walk with

God and the love of Christ is in us, the more capacity that we

will have to love our brothers and sisters. You know, conflict is both

a test, but it's also an opportunity. Conflict is an opportunity that we

very very rarely view as that way. The world is watching. Anybody can

fight, anybody can break a relationship, but very few, except when they're

born again by Christ, can be a testimony of reconciliation. It's a trait

of Jesus than being a follower of him. May God bless you. I'm

open to you. If you have things I've said or done wrong, I

think who's our song leader? Earl? Do you have a verse of not

you? Who was up here? I'm sorry? Yeah, tell observe it.

I am you want to Could we stand and just sing one verse?

And then I'll just ask Dan to close in a prayer. This morning,

Thank you for coming, God bless you.