The Need of Brotherhood in Grief's Journey - Jason Schrock

Good evening once more, and greetings of the name of

Jesus again tonight. And so this evening we have the

subject of the need of brotherhood in grief journey. And

I guess the goal or what I'd like to portray

this evening is that each one of us have a

part to play to fill in the matter of grief.

That when there is someone that has a loss, someone

that has a difficulty in life, we as a brotherhood

need to be there to help and to lift them up.

And I've often said that, you know, I don't know

how I could go through a time of grief, a

time of loss of a loved one without the people

of God, without the support of Christian friends. And I

think back to things that we've experienced through times of

grief and the things of brotherhood, and I'll share I'll

share a few things of that here. This evening, after

my first wife's funeral and my family that had come

for the funeral was getting ready to go home. One

of my sisters that lives across the country and another

community said something to the effect that she was impressed

with the ministry of the church, and that has stuck

with me. She noticed the practical things that were done,

such as meals supplied, and the grave dog and the

cars washed and the shoes polished, and you know't kind

of go on and on. As I think back to

the expressions of brotherhood at the time of the death

of Jeff's children, I talked quite a bit about that

this morning, and I'll refer to maybe a few things

the savening yet in relation to that. But I have

to think that the Pine Grove Church there did a

tremendous job of supporting them, both physically and emotionally and spiritually.

But as I think of what all took place there,

brotherhood went way beyond the Pinegrove congregation. I think of

the Catala Church, how they stepped up and they helped

a lot in preparation of the graveyard with food and

other things. The Bonnards Ferry Church supplied the meal following

the funeral. The Tangent Church sent a meal up for us.

David and Sue and her parents served that. And I'm

sure I'm not mentioning everything, but I just want you

to see that brotherhood was not just the local congregation,

and so others step in and become a part of

that help in Grief's journey. Now, the things that I've

mentioned here already are physical needs. I don't know if

you thought about that, not necessarily the spiritual aspect, and

there will be some spiritual aspects. But as I was

meditating on this yesterday, I thought of Second Peter one

Versus three to nine, and I think I'll take the

time to read that, and maybe if you want to

turn to it, you can, If you want to listen,

you can. It's a familiar scripture, and it's a quite

an addition problem adding to this and adding that, and

adding that, And the thing that I would like to

point out is that it ends that we add to

God in us we had brothers kindness into brotherly kindness,

we add charity. And I think both of these things

have to do with the need of brotherhood in Grief's journey.

But the thing that really impressed me was the in

the first part of this reading that we're given exceeding

great and precious promises, that by these we are partakers

of the divine nature. And so i'd like to say

this evening is that when we help in the brotherhood,

when we help someone in time and need, when we

do physical things it's because of the divine nature that

has been given to us by Jesus Christ, the Holy

Spirit of God working with us. I'm going to read

verses three to nine. Yes, Second Peter one three to nine.

According as his divine power, hath given unto us all

things that pertain into life and godliness through the knowledge

of Him that has called us to glory and virtue,

whereby are given unto us exceeding great and precious promises,

that by these he might be partakers of the Divine nature,

having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.

And besides this giving all diligence, add to your faith,

virtue and virtue, knowledge and to knowledge, temperance and to temperance,

patience and to patience, godliness and to godliness, brotherly kindness,

and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be

in you in a bound, they make you that ye

shall be neither bear nor unfruitful in the knowledge of

our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacketh these things

is blind and cannot see it far off, and hath

forgot then he was purged from his old sins. And

so I believe by these outworkings of the spirit of

God within us. It is because of the divine nature

within Well, maybe these practical acts don't really seem to

meet the criteria of something spiritual, and yet I think

it is. It is spiritual. And so in a brotherhood,

God expects he's chown to follow the example of Jesus,

his son. And Jesus was full of compassion, and he

met the needs of those he ministered to, And you know,

he met the needs of many that were grieving. We

could go into some of that. Don't really intend to

do that this evening, but I do think of a

verse in one Peter three eight that says, finally, be

all of one mind having compassion one of another love

is brethren, be pitiful, be courteous. So if we break

that down to just a little bit, be ye all.

That means everyone in the congregation, doesn't it of one mind,

harmonious working together having compassion one of another love is brethren,

be pitiful or tender hearted, be courteous or kind. So

it seems to me that when we are reaching out

to those in our midst that are grieving, it takes

the whole brotherhood, be ye all. And so we all

need to be in harmony. We all need to feel

we need to have sympathy and to love our brother

and sister and deal with him in a tender and

kind way. A booklet that I have in my study,

A Time to Grieve by Kenneth how says God never

intended us to suffer alone. He created us to care

for and support others in their time of need, and

to allow others to care for and support us in ours.

This is being interdependent, which is God's original plan, rather

than dependent, which can be a very lonely way to grieve.

I think there's a sense where we all like to

be independent, we like to do our own thing. But

you know, when it comes to this matter of grieving,

I think we need to lay down independence and depend

on one another. And so I believe that there's a

real blessedness in brotherhood. And as I said, through grief,

I have learned to really appreciate aknew what it means

to be a part of the Church of Jesus Christ.

And let's not allow anyone within our circles to be

as a Psalmist to cry out in Psalm sixty seven twenty,

I am full of heaviness, and I look for some

to take pity, but there was none, And for comforters,

but I found none. Is that what would be said

here in our midst? I trust not? And so we

have our responsibility to each other in the church, in

the congregation, to bear one another's burdens. Now, I would

say this evening, I don't think one size fits all

when it comes to this, when it comes to brotherhood relationships.

All who are grieving need comfort and support. But how

that's done varies according to individuals. You know, some are

more private, some are open and share a little bit more.

Some are quite emotional, and others might be quite stoic.

I'd like to say that when you reach out to

someone who is experiencing grief, keep in mind that they

have their guard up. Maybe you go and you think, well,

you know, I'm just going to help this person. Well

not just a minute. I feel just a little bit

of a reluctance here to open up. You know, for me,

the all consuming thought was centered around the tremendous loss

of a loved one. But how do I know with

questions that somebody asked me, what are they looking for?

Do they do? They want to know? They're hurt? And

my heart or are they concerned about physical needs whether

I'm those things are being met. And so when I

was asking a question, especially a vague one, I need

to evaluate is he asking about the deep hurt in

my heart? Or is he alluding to something else? And

so a grieving person wants to guard his thoughts and

emotions and he will not just freely give out his

feelings to another. And so why is that person asking

just curious? Or so then maybe have a juicy morsel

to tell somebody next week, or is there a realm?

Are they empathizing with someone in their grief unless there's

a good relationship prior to this, don't expect a grieving

person just to automatically now share the depth of his heart.

And you know, I think, at least for me, the

fault of a grieving person is to put forth affront

that all's going well, yeah, it's going okay, but is

it really? I have a poem here like to read,

and this struck a chord with me years ago, not

necessarily in relation to grief, but I think it fits.

It goes like this, Hello, and how are you today?

I'm fine, just fine, and you we smile and pass

each other by and find some secret place to cry,

ashamed to show or let them know the hurts and

loneliness and failures we must hide, afraid someone might see

us as we are inside bright smiles covering doubts that

crush and tear these masks we wear. How can we

help these heavy loads to bear or let others know

we care if we don't dare to share. So in

my I think I'd explained this maybe Sunday that in

my experience I kind of wondered why people didn't reach

out to meet the nieh my heart. But I was

closed up. I wasn't sharing. How could they know what

I was facing? Now, relating to someone who's termly ill

also takes wisdom from above. A person that is almost

certainly facing death and then their future has a different

frame of reference than those who expect possibly to live

for a time. Yet, my grandfather Roth would have been

my mother's father. He died when I was about eleven

years old, and he was I think about seventy four

at the time, and at his funeral, the bishop there

shed Are shared that just recently he had visited. Brother

Nick said, you know, we didn't visit about the crops

and the earthly things. He said, we talked about heavenly things,

and I think there's there's a lot of truth to that.

And I've noticed I think they're termally ill, are interested

in what's going about them, but they're beginning to fix

their eyes on the next life. Sometimes with singing that song,

turn your eyes upon Jesus looked full in his wonderful face,

and the things of this life will grow strangely to

him in the light of his glory and grace. I

remember when my first wife, Marylyn was sick and we

were in Mexico. She was taking treatment there, and we

got the welcome news that the some of the family

and the church ladies had gotten together and they were

putting up some corn for us for this next winter. Wonderful.

I was really taken aback at her response. She said,

I could care less about corn. Well, now, I'm sure

she appreciated that things were being done to take care

of her family that she couldn't do, but you know,

she never partook of that corn. It wasn't something that

she was looking forward to even eating, because she had

other things in her mind, knowing that she probably would

never live long enough to partake of that. And so

as we think of grief, let's not try to suppress grief,

but to share, to just be a part of it.

I don't think it's up to us to try to

take grief away. That'll never work. Grief has to do

its work. And if we try to take grief away

from a person, they're going to have problems in the

future down the road. So we just need to be shared,

be there to share, and to let grief do its work.

When I was thinking of this object, my mind went

to my second wife, Ruth, as she was a young

widow at twenty five years of age. Her husband Sam

had been killed and he when his tractor was hit

by a gravel truck and taken suddenly. And he had

been a farmer, and he was just getting ready to

put out his crop for the coming year. And I

was amazed at how the community just rallied around her

and they put out her crop, they got firewood in

for the winter. Many of the just many of her

needs were met, needs were physical needs. And yet there

were times there were those who took time to relate

to her and to invite her for a meal, to

take her and her children on little outings and the

babysit and so on, all in an effort to meet

the needs of a bleeding heart of a widow. I

asked Elsie what people did for her when her husband

was killed. Her husband was killed and very suddenly in

a traffic accident. He was driving a fuel truck and

they don't know for sure what happened, but as he

was going down with steep grade, the truck rolled on

a corner and burnt up. So what did people do there? Well,

she said they received lots of food. I said, well,

that sounds like southern people to me, like people in Arkansas. Well,

she said, I think they do the same thing here.

But she said that there were a lot of people

in the community that would give them, maybe one hundred dollars,

just give some money. The church and her family also

helped financially. Another thing she mentioned they had just gotten ready,

they'd been doing some work around the place, just gotten

ready to do some landscaping and got in some soil ads.

One there was one of the families, one of the

couples in the church that went and got some shrubs

and finished up the landscaping planet. Those are just things

that could be done. This is one that struck a

bell with me, and I'd just like to share it.

Maybe it can be an encouragement here. But she said

that there were two girls in that church, probably eleven, twelve,

thirteen years old. They'd come to her after church and

give her little notes of encouragement. Part of those notes said,

we noticed that you were crying and tried to give comfort.

So there it can be more than just adults. I

think there's a place for children. I was thinking trying

to think of different things that people did to help,

especially immediately following the death of a loved one. And

you know, so often, depending on the situation, there can

be just lots of people that come together to share

with a family. And that's good. But what do you

going to do with all those people? How are you

going to take care of them? Well, you know, it's

quite often there's someone that will organize the food needs,

come in and clean up, supply the needs and so on.

I know one time, I don't remember just which time

it was, but somebody brought a great big tray of

fruit that was good. I think there was someone brought

a tray of meat and cheese, just something that people

could snack on as they go about what's going on.

And then this was rather interesting. There was one man

that kept us supplied in paper products, cuts, plates, toilet

paper was that important? Is toilet paper important at a time?

I guess we'll just stop and think about it. When

you have dozens of people going through your house, just

awful things like that. Ruth had mentioned how someone made

her a new dress and had washed our clothes. Another

thing that helped. And maybe this is a little bit

different since we're all on cell phones anymore, but I

know there were times when somebody would step up and

answer phone calls that would come in, and keep record

of visitors that come, and meet people that would come

when the family maybe had to be off at the

funeral home or whatever. These are things that can be done.

And then when I come to our funerals here, you know,

I've been impressed how the director takes charge of things,

and someone there to park cars, and how that traffic

is directed as the procession leaves the church, and those

who take charge of the burial at the cemetery, and

there's a food committee that serves the meal and sees

to all the cleanup, and you know, children and youth

can be involved in those things as well, and so

as can be seen, there are many needs of kindness

to be done by all, by men, women and children. Now,

I suppose most of the rest of what I have

this evening could be classified as dos and don'ts. I'm

not trying to be negative here, but you know, there's

some things that are just so so blessed when it's done.

There's other things that what are you thinking? And so

that's a little bit what I have here. So the

first one here that I have, and I've already pretty

much touched on this is don't suppress grief. Don't I'll

try to suppress it, but try to share it. Just

be a part of it. Grief has to work its work,

and if we try to take it away, there would

be problems down the road. And so I think of

Job and his three friends, and sometimes I wonder how

friendly they were, you know. They they tried to convince

Job that his problem was a sin in his life.

They were, and he called them miserable comforters. So they

tried to just do away with his grief. Another thing

is be available when death or loss comes, whether it's

expected or unexpected, be there. Your presence is important. Just

be there. You don't have to say much, but it's

comforting to the one grieving just to know that there

are those who are supporting them. Now, this takes desernment,

you know. It's not practical for everyone to be there

all the time. I think we understand that, but to

show up. You know, I used to think that if

I've before I had any experience really on this, if

if I would face the death of a loved one,

I just want to go in somewhere and just lock

a door and let the world go by. But you

I found out it wasn't really that way. Now, there

might be some people that would would that's actually what

they would do, but it wasn't really true that way.

For me. When others came to share in our loss,

it was a comfort to know that we weren't alone

in this time of distress. Be a good listener. Uh.

The person grieving is more interested in the past than

in the future. He wants to talk of his loved one,

he wants to find meaning in his past relationship, and

the things of now and future seem very insignificant. And

so I would just say be available, either to talk

or listen. The person may want to talk, or he

may not want to. Maybe there's things that should be said,

but there's a lot of things that should be left unsaid.

Just keep in mind that to the breath, the one

thing that's on their mind, and loom's very big, is

at loss that they've just experienced, and all thoughts eventually

are soon even return back to that all consuming thought.

And the person who is grieving is sensitive to his

inner feelings and tries to put a shield around himself,

and he's not going to necessarily dis display those feelings

unless he feels that the listener is truly sympathetic and

truly understanding. I would usually say that the grieving person

wants to talk. That's not always true, but they're not

going to talk freely to just anybody and everybody another.

Don't here is, don't try to tell the grieving person

what they ought to be thinking, doing, or feeling. Give

that person the freedom and the space to think to

feel what they are feeling. But just be there and

be a good listener. You know, this isn't the time

for long theological discussions. It's not there. It's not the

time to try to explain to that person about death.

That person is probably almost more informed about death than

what you are. That person knows full well the consequences

of death. But but rather the grieving needs someone who

cares and who knows they're hurting. And those bringing comfort

do not even really have to understand what that person's

going through, if they can just feel that that person

is willing to share, share in their grief, sharing their loads,

sharing their and to care for them. Another thing to

do is communicate love and concern. At a time like this,

there is more communication in what is said or in

spirit in what's said. And so a person who comes

to someone that's grieving and just breaks down cries, actually

meets the need of that heart better than somebody comes

with some well phrased things that they would like to

say that can't be absorbed or probably even remembered. Yeah,

so something that still faces me when meeting someone who's

just lost the loved one is what am I going

to say? And that? And that's that's all right to

be concerned about that, But you know, I would say,

don't worry so much about what you're going to say,

But how are you going to feel? That's what's really

going to meet the need of that person. And I'll

just say this at this point, You know, just a

little note of what that father, that mother, that child

meant to you can be such a blessing, such a

priceis treasure to those who are grieving. All right, talk

specifics and not generalities. Don't question the brave person in

general terms. And again I was aware that I was

a prone. I was prone to associate anything that was

said with the herd I was experiencing. And so when

someone had asked me a question that was vague, I

didn't know how to respond. Is he trying to ask

me how things are? You know, we often do this,

and I still do it, and I know it's not

the best thing to do. Well, how are things going?

It's a little bit like saying hello, but how are

things going well? That? How do you answer that when

your heart is just broken in pieces. I'm going to

give you an example of someone that I felt knew

how to respond at the right time and the right way.

I was at a wedding reception and a brother came

up to me and just laid his hand on his shoulder.

He says, I suppose this event brings a lot of

memories to you. Now, that's really about all I had

to say. I knew what he meant. There was nothing

vague about that. And he went on to say, we'll

remember you in prayer, gave a few words of encouragement,

and went on, And that meant a lot more to

me than if he would have said, well, how are

things going in your life? Here's another don't don't be critical.

Don't make the brief person feel guilty by being critical

of the decisions they've made under stress. And I will

say this, there are a lot of decisions that need

to be make and a lot of decisions that probably

aren't made right, and we don't always get it right.

But for you to be critical of that person because

of what they have done or not done, or should

have done or should have said, that doesn't help at all.

Don't have a false sense of consideration by failing to

speak of the departed. Sometimes we find that a little

hard to just actually talk about the one that's departed,

but it does really often help the one in grief.

And I'm not here to be critical, but you know,

there were those close to me that never once mentioned

the name of my loved one that had passed on,

and I begin to wonder, well, don't they miss her too?

Am I the only one that misses her? But you know,

just in conversation, in easy conversation, to mention their name.

It's healing. Now. I would say this too, that the

needs of a widow and a widower are different. For myself,

I was in a loss at take care of the

household needs. I really appreciate those are fixed meals. Those

who sowed dresses for the girls. And after Ruth died,

there were some young people that offered to come we

the garden to take care of the flower beans, anything

to lift a burden, Okay, now, in nineteen or not nineteen.

In two thousand and nine, Ruth and I were both

asked to go to a minister's meeting in Ontario, Canada

and give give some thoughts there in relation to grief.

And I thought maybe this evening I would just share

some of the things that Ruth shared there. I have

her notes, and I thought it might be an encouragement,

especially to the sisters here. But I think these most

of these are true to us men as well. Although

I'm not going to quite offered to go make a

meal for somebody, but we maybe expect that more of

the of the ladies. But here's here's some things she

said to be able to help people in times of

grief and pain. The first is pray, pray, pray, she says,

I can't emphasize this enough. After Sam's death, we stated

his parents for a number of nights. When we finally

did go home, I was surprised how well the first

day went. I later found out that Sam's cousin, who

lived a few thousand miles away, felt an urge to

pray for me that day and don't quit praying after

the first week or two. My hardest time was about

two months after Sam died. I was desperately lonesome for

him and felt like everyone else had gone on with

their lives. So what she was saying there is, yeah,

we kind of yeah, we think about it, we maybe

pray about it, and then we go on with our lives.

But she was still mired, very deeply mired in her grief. Secondly,

you can be sympathetic without having experienced the same thing.

You don't need to say flowery words. We need to

keep this proper, but physical touch can be healing. A

hug especially after a death is healing. Don't limit the

hugs to a time of death. We women especially appreciate

a hug In other times you don't need to say much.

But it's fine to say I'm praying for you and

then do it, or to say I'm so sorry. Those

are things that you can say. Then she said that

she gave a little memory in her as a child.

I guess it was she had a friend that lost

a brother, and she said, one of the hardest things

I ever did was to go to her place before

the funeral. I just had no idea what I should say.

I need not have worried. She came and threw her

arms around me and said, I'm so glad you came,

and so just to be there, all right. Send flowers

or a card, call, or send a text message. Sometimes

sharing a poem, a verse or devotional that was inspirational

to you can be encouraging. Anything. To let them know,

let them know you're thinking of them, let them know

that this is something that's blessed you, and I thought

maybe it would bless you as well. Then to give

a listening ear. Sometimes people need a listening ear. Be

that listening ear, but also try to be sensitive about

whether the person feels like talking or not. Sometimes a

person needs to talk about their problems, and other times

they may want to talk about something completely different. And

I talked this morning about Jeff and Carolyn. She used

this illustration and she said, Carolyn told me about a

time someone visited her, and she wondered what it was

about that visit that made her feel uplifted. Then she

realized they hadn't even talked about the children's death and

about the chilman's death. Ask the Lord to direct you

so that the conversation might be what the person needs

that day. So in some ways I'm maybe kind of

saying two things here. Yeah, talk about the person, but

also maybe there's times not to talk about that. Remember

special days A grieving person has many, many first to

face a lot of them in the first year. All

the days that have been special have now become very painful.

The first time you go to church without them, the

first family gathering, birth these an anniversary, holidays, etc. It's

necessary to face each one and work through it. Some

can be put off for a while, but they need

to be faced and work through eventually. Pray for the

person the day before or maybe several days before the

special days too, or maybe several days before the special

days too. I found that often the day itself was

not as painful as a day's leading up to it.

I think people were praying for me on the day,

but had no idea how painful the days leading up

to it were. That was especially true the first year,

as happy memories came back to what we had been

doing the year before. Now here's somewhere where I'll let

your brother and off the hook. The next one is

to furnish a meal or something big. I guess you

could furnish it. A grieving person really does not feel

like cookie. A lot of our church people were at

the funeral of Jeff's children, but of course not everyone

could be there. The first Sunday we were home after

the funeral, a couple ladies came up to be right

after the morning service and gave me a hug. Want

to ask if she could make a supper for us,

and it said that would be really nice. She also

said to take the person out for an outing or

for a meal when they're ready. Also let them know

you care, even if it looks like they're doing fine.

She said that four years after Sam's death, there was

a friend that came, a friend that told her that

her husband had prayed for me and the children that morning,

and that meant a lot. And then she went on

to say that when there's a handicapped child, pay attention

to that child, hold them as babies that continue to

pay attention to them as a girl. Give space for

agree in their own way. Some people are sentimental, some

are practical. Sometimes they do things that you think are strange.

Maybe along with that, I was thinking of something that

she had shared. She said that at the cemetery when

Sam's grave was being covered, there was an older lady

that came up to her and she said, whatever are

you going to do? She said, that was my thoughts exactly,

but I didn't know how to respond to her. But

her mother stepped in and just quickly said, well, God

will take care of us. So that was a time

when somebody said something that was a little bit hurtful.

Another thing she said was to give room for erratic emotions.

And I guess I won't go into that too much,

but your emotions do run high, and some people cry,

some people laugh, and you wonder why is somebody laughing

at such a a difficult time. Well, maybe there's something

instruct them funny, and that's just a release of the emotions. Remember,

children that may be grieving too. Adults and children reave differently,

and I think that's something that I had a hard

time coming to grips with. How do you help a

child that is grieving because they how they're grieving and

so on is different than what I am. She said,

Keep in mind that people don't get over a loss,

they go through it. Grief is a road, a journey,

a process. You live in it or with it, and

it becomes a part of who you are. After the

death of a loved one, you may think that person,

think of that person every day the rest of your life.

Then she has some don'ts. I'm going to share a

few of those. Here's some adults be careful about glibly

quoting verses right after the death or other loss. And

one verse that people often quote is Roman's A twenty

eight All things work together for good to them and

love God. That's true. We know it's true, but that's

not the time to bring that verse up. Because that

person that has just experienced a lot, they can't see

any good at all, any possible way that this is

going to be true. Kind Of along with that, I'm

going to quote from a book My Walk Through Grief

by Jeanette Klopfenstein. She said those who came and cried

and shared a feeling of loss were much more supporting

than those who came as comforters and said nice words.

Canned phrases about life must go on, and Bible quotes

about the mysteries of God and the goodness of God's will,

especially when quoted by those who had not faced a

devastating death, seemed glib indeed all right. Another thing that

Ruth said is don't say I just know how you feel. No,

I know just how you feel. Sorry you don't. You

don't really know that each experience is different. It can

be helpful to tell them I had an experience similar

to that and share that, but just to say I

know exactly how you're feeling, don't do that. If someone's

child dies, don't say, well, at least you have you

know these others they're thankful for each child they have,

but that doesn't make the huge hole in their family

any smaller. Avoid saying I'm sure you're feeling so and

so today, go ahead and let them know you are

thinking of them, but you really have no idea how

they're actually feeling. Maybe yesterday was a hard day, but

today isn't as hard. If they're having a hard day,

it may be for some reason other than you think,

and so don't say, well, I sure know how you're

feeling today. Another thing she said was don't push a

grieving person to do something for a while. They have

fatigue and lack of motivation to deal with things, and

that can last a long time. There might come a

time where you need to give someone little nudge and say,

come on, it's time to do something here. But if

you do help them with a project, make sure you

don't take charge and just do it your way. And

then the last one here I think that I have

that she would have shared is don't forget them. After

Sam died, if friend helped me several times with jobs

that I knew I needed to do, but they looked

like big mountain to me, that was such help. We

often say well, if there's anything I can do to

help you, just let me know. Has anybody ever let

you know that? That doesn't usually meet the need. Rather,

we could say well, could I could I come over

and sweep your floor for you? Or could I could

I change the oil in your vehicle or something like that,

rather than if there's anything I can do, just let

me know. And so we all grasp the right thing

to say to be an encouragement. Now I was I

was looking a little bit at some of the things

that I would have said following Bruce's passing, and at

the sermon I would have had following that. And the

grieving person knows the right answers to things that are said,

but sometimes the feelings do not match the mind. And

so there were different things that people said. And these

were good things. I'm not finding fault with them. These

were good things. But these are some things that were

said to us. May God be near you. He is, okay,

we're praying for you. That's a comfort, that's a help.

Keep on. Have faith in God. I do. I have

faith in God. Her pain and suffering is passed. That's wonderful.

Make God bless you. He has and he is. See

anything wrong with those I don't. But you know, even

though all these words of comfort are true, in mind

that they do not take away the loss. They do

not take away the ache. They do not take away

the loneliness that is there, even though you have expressed

words of comfort. My niece lives in Maryland, was not

able to be at the funeral of ruz Or passing,

and she just wrote and she said, they sang the

song the Promises of God at their church, and she

said verse three especially stood out to her. And I

didn't know for sure what this would be. And so

you look it up and it says, after days of

joyful dreaming, came a time of grief and care when

I sank beneath the heavy chasting rod, and the heart

so torn with grief, found its comfort and relief only

through the blessed promises of God. You I had sung

that song many times, that hadn't really connected the dots

on that one. And so I'd like to say just

a few things in closing, that grief is a heart

reach out for comfort and for understanding. And I'm thankful

this evening that Christ has been victorious over death. One

Corinthians fifteen twenty six says that the last enemy that

shall be destroyed is death, and then verses fifty four

and fifty five says death is swallowed up in victory,

Oh death, where is I sting o grave? Where is

it victory? And we can claim that as a promise.

In verse in Psalm one hundred and forty seven, verse three,

he says he healeth the broken in heart and bind

it up their wounds. And so God is a healer

of hearts? How does he do that? Does he send

an angel? I believe? He says, the brotherhood to help

to bind up and heal the broken heart. He uses

people to reach out in compassion. Second Corinthians one Versus

three and four says, blessed be God, even the father

of our lord, Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and

the God of all comfort, who comforted us in all

of our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort

them which are in any trouble by the comfort wherewith

we ourselves are comforted of God. So do you get

the picture God comforts us. Is that just so we

can wallow in our own self pity. No, he comforts

us so that we can comfort others. And that's a

ministry which he has called us to. God did not

place us in a brotherhood just to go our own

way and be oblivious to the needs about us. He

knows us, he has designed us, he knows that we

need each other, and he has given us emotions. And

these emotions can be soothed or injured, depending on how

we respond to the needs of our brothers and sisters.

And again I'd like to close with the words of

the verse that we looked at at the early part

of the message. Finally, be all of one, mild, having

compassion one another. Love is brethren, Be pitiful, be courteous,

And I trust that that is our desire as we

relate one to another. Turn the time not to be