Relationship Goals Week 1: Christ-Centered

Music.

Married, divorced, or just waiting for God to bring that special person into your life.

We believe God desires that you put Christ at the center of your own life,

as well as at the center of every relationship.

And now here's Pastor Jeff's message entitled Christ-Centered.

So this morning we're starting a brand new four-week series and it's called

Relationship goals and you should have received one of these sermon notes, handouts on your way in.

And if you didn't, would you just raise your hand? We want to make sure that you have that.

And okay, we have a couple down here.

I don't have my glasses on. Troy, is that you? I see a beard.

It's either Troy or Adam or Adam.

This is just something that's been on my heart really for quite a while that

we need to put Jesus, to put Christ at the center of our relationships.

And you may be sitting here and think, oh no, I'm not going to get anything out of this.

I'm not married, or maybe I'm widowed, or maybe I just, you know, I'm just single.

I promise you, don't check out because it's, this is the Word of God,

and it's got something for each and every one of you.

And here's the big idea of today's message.

A life and marriage centered on Christ must intentionally place Jesus at the

center, molding values and beliefs, directing actions and decisions,

and shaping influence and impact.

At the end of the day, we all must come to a place where we decide We've had

enough of chasing our own path, chasing our own ones, our own desires,

our own wills, and we come to the place where we submit our lives to Christ.

This morning, if you have your Bibles, turn with me to Genesis 2,

and we're going to read verses 18, and then we're going to skip down to verses 21 through 24.

What better place to start when talking about relationships than starting at the beginning?

As you begin to read Genesis 1 and the account of creation, we continually read

that God created something, and then he did what? He pronounced it good.

Genesis 1, 4, God saw that the light was good.

Genesis 1, 10, God saw that the separation of the earth and the seas was good.

Genesis 1, 12, God saw that the vegetation and plants were good. Just not as good as meat.

But they're still good. Come on, wake up, guys. That's a little joke. It's okay.

Genesis 1, 18, God saw that the lights in the sky, including the sun and the

moon and the stars, were what? They're good.

Genesis 1, 21, God saw that the creatures of the sea and the birds of the air were good.

You get the picture here? Everything that was created, God said was good.

Until verse 18 of chapter 2.

It says, then the Lord God said, it is what?

Not, say that again, not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper corresponding to him.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept.

God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place.

Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought

her to the man. Next slide.

And the man said, this one at last is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

This one will be called woman, for she was taken from man.

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife,

and they become one flesh.

And this resulted in every man and woman that ever got married from then on

having a perfect relationship and perfect marriage. No!

Of course not. Why? Because after sin entered the world, marriage became a sacred

union of two imperfect and sinful individuals.

Jennifer and I have been married. I'm used to looking down to my right.

She's sitting with a friend. Hi, Tara.

Jennifer and I have been married 23 years now, and I can say that we have a pretty great marriage.

At least that's where I think we're at. But let me tell you something.

This godly woman struggles every day with sin.

She said, yep. And guess what? This pastor of yours struggles every day with sin.

If you're listening online, my son said, amen. It's true.

You know, when we first got married, we fought like cats and dogs.

And like most kids wanting to get married, you look at each other and you think, oh, they're perfect.

Look at her. She's so wonderful. Look at him. He's so hot and sexy.

Yes, you can say that in church.

I mean, if it's an apple, you call it an apple, right? I'm just saying.

But I tried to, you know, I really tried to make our marriage a Hallmark movie.

Christmas time, our first Christmas together. Maybe not the first.

I don't remember. I think both you and I blocked off the first two years and

have no recollection of that.

But year three, I know for a fact, we were in North Carolina and we did not have any kids yet.

And I had this wonderful vision. And yes, I am the one that listens or watches

the Hallmark Channel at Christmastime.

She's watching like other blow up, crazy man kind of movies.

Me, I'm the sentimental romantic. okay

but i knew oh i knew

that we could go to a christmas tree farm it's

gonna be beautiful she had this white honda civic that i

could barely fit into because i was almost 100 pounds more than i

am now but we i got into

that little honda civic and we drove to the christmas tree farm

and it was so romantic as i lay down and

i i saw the tree and we get it on top of

it was all it almost look like griswold's christmas

because this this not because

the tree was big but because the car was

so small and i just pictured that we're

going to be we're going to cut this tree done we're going to drive home we're

going to get it in the house we're going to decorate it it's i'm going to help

her reach the you know we're going to just be hugging and loving listening to

ben crosby and white christmas it's just going to be so romantic well we'll be slow dancing and

And it's just going to be so amazing.

Only one thing happened. We did get the tree inside.

From there, it kind of hit the fan.

We put it in the corner of the living room, the front room.

And, of course, the man, the manly man, trying to, you know, be romantic for my wife.

I lay down, and I'm twisting those things, you know, trying to get the Christmas

tree to stand up straight.

And she starts yelling at me. It's just tipping over.

It's tipping over the other way. Hold it this way. I am holding it this way.

We'll go the other way. I am. Which way? Left or right? You said your left or my right?

The next thing I know, I took it out of the stand and laid it against the wall.

I leaned it against the wall and Jennifer took off in a car ride and went for

a drive. Went for a drive.

She's yelling. I'm yelling. That's all I remember from that Christmas.

I think it was the same Christmas tree that had baby spiders in it or something.

I don't know. we've had a lot of live Christmas tree experiences makes for an exciting marriage.

But when two people come together, it's a union of sinners and imperfect people.

And the changing point for our marriage was when we finally placed Christ at the center of our lives.

And listen for a marriage to be Christ centered, both partners must have Christ

as the focal point of their own lives.

Both of them,

I've got to check the screen back there because I thought that was a slide, but it's not.

Now, if you're in here and you're not married yet, and you're on the prowl,

maybe not the prowl, you're open to the Lord's leading. Let's put it that way, right?

Young people, as you begin to pray and look for what you feel you want in a

man or a woman that God has for you,

Make it your aim to look for someone who has an unwavering commitment to God.

Don't just look for someone who might have a Bible verse in their Instagram

or Snapchat or Facebook profile.

Listen, marriage is hard enough if there's no commitment to God.

Find someone who is pursuing God and their life and their attitude and their

actions show it. And if their life doesn't glorify God, keep looking. Just move on.

In a Christ-centered marriage, Jesus is your one and your spouse is your two.

Jesus is your one and your spouse and your two.

See, no marriage or relationship will ever be what it's supposed to be until

both people are seeking the Lord more than they are seeking the other person.

And Jesus was teaching one day, and a man came up to him in Matthew 22,

and he said this, Teacher, which command in the law is the greatest?

He said to him, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

In other words, we're going to put God first in everything we do.

He's going to be the center and the most important focus of our lives.

Why is that important? Why does this matter?

Because we all have something that we put at the center of our lives.

Each one of you has something that your life is centered around.

I'm going to show you a diagram that I hope helps give you a better understanding

of this. Go ahead and put that up, please.

And if you can't read it, it's got inside, there's a question mark for what's at the center.

Out values and beliefs, actions and decisions, influence and impact.

And what you need to know is that whatever is at the center of your life will

always influence what your values and beliefs are,

which then influence your actions and your decisions, ultimately shaping your

influence and your impact.

The difference you make in this world, the fulfillment that you feel honoring

God is all a result of what you center your life around.

What is your life or marriage centered around?

What is your relationship centered around? Is it centered around self?

If it is, I promise you, it's going to fail.

Your marriage is going to suffer because it'll be all about you and your needs

rather than them and their needs.

And anytime we do not put Christ at the center of our lives and our marriages, our families suffer.

And we fail to live out God's purpose for our lives and it renders us useless for the kingdom of God.

When God is not the center of your life, families fail and marriages fail.

And so today we need to put Christ back at the center of our families or our

marriages or our relationships because every aspect of your life reveals who

is at the center of your life.

I can look at people and say, Christ is not the center of their life.

Why? Because it affects their actions.

It affects their beliefs, their values, which affect their actions.

And let me say something to you people who, you people.

That sounds so far away. Let me say something to you unmarried folk and you

young people. Listen to this.

Maybe you're not married yet and you say, man, I want to have a great relationship.

I want a godly life and I got some great relationship goals.

Let me say this to you. If you want a Christ-centered relationship in the future,

live a Christ-centered life today.

You hear me? Live a Christ-centered life today.

If you want to honor God by putting him first in your future marriage,

honor God by putting him first in your life today. That means Christ is the

Lord of your life. He's first.

He's the Savior of your life. Listen to me. Don't build a life of righteousness

in the future on a foundation of sin today.

It's not going to happen. You want a godly relationship in the future?

You've got to build that foundation now. Okay?

Now, in the time we have left, I want to give you five practices that will help

you have a Christ-centered marriage or a Christ-centered relationship.

Number one, pray together.

Pray together. I want to encourage you to make prayer a central part of your

marriage by praying regularly.

Seek God together for guidance, for strength, for wisdom.

When your kids have something going on, go up to them, grab their arm,

put your arm around them, and just say, God, I know Trey's got a big football game tonight.

Would you please bless him, take nerves away, keep him safe.

I pray protection on him. Amen. And he's out the door.

And do the same thing with your significant other or your spouse.

We need to be praying together. And there's something that happens between two

people that pray together.

There's a bond that's created between a husband and a wife.

Prayer is intimate, and it binds the hearts of two people together.

In fact, Jen, if you ask her, when was the first time you knew Jeff was the

one? What do you say every time?

The first time we ever prayed together.

Maybe you've never prayed together or maybe you've prayed together for years

maybe you've always want to but you stopped for some reason you got discouraged

or you got in a fight or something happened and you just said uh it's too much

work today is the day that you fix that.

Now, bring your struggles to the Lord together. Bring your decisions and your

joys together with the Lord.

Dads, moms, pray with your kids. Let me just give you a few things that will

help you get better at this practice together. Number one, keep it short.

Praying together in the morning or before bed doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out process.

Keep it short. Maybe you talk about your reading plan that you're doing,

or maybe like the couple earlier that I mentioned, you talk about what God is

saying to you or what God is doing in your heart and life.

Number two, keep it consistent. In other words, let's plan a certain time of the day.

This is our prayer time together. We're going to do rooted together at 5 a.m.,

or we're going to do bedtime prayers, or maybe over lunch, or maybe it's a phone

call just to pray together over lunch.

But make it a priority.

Just put your arm around them and do it. Just keep it consistent.

And then if you miss a day, because guess what? You will.

Number three, keep it going. Get back on the horse. I'm not calling anyone a horse.

I'm just saying, get back on it. Get back at it. Keep it going.

Just because you miss a day doesn't mean you aren't good at it.

It builds the foundation in your family that everything is centered on Christ.

So number one, pray together. Number two, attend church together.

If Christ is the center of your life, then it influences your values,

right, and your actions.

If Christ is the center of your life, you're making it a priority for you to be at church.

Not only will it help you grow in your faith, but it will strengthen your relationships with each other.

Whether that's a parent relationship with a child or with a mom relationship

with a daughter or son, it's going to strengthen your family.

Listen to some research and statistical benefits today.

About going to church together couples who attend church together report higher

levels of marital happiness greater emotional closeness compared to those who do not,

a study from the national marriage project found that 78 of couples who attend

church regularly rate their marriage as very happy research suggests that couples

who attend church weekly have a 30 to 50 percent lower risk of divorce compared

to those who never attend.

Research also shows regular church attendance among couples results in better

communication and conflict resolution.

Other results include improved mental and emotional well-being and lower rates

of depression, anxiety, and stress.

Yes, also higher levels of parental satisfaction and better parent-child relationships.

You want to have a better relationship with your child, with your son, or with your daughter?

Take them to church with you. Pray with them.

Just get it done. Number three, study the Bible together.

Maybe it's doing a YouVersion devotional together. Maybe it's going through

Rooted together or having family devotions regularly.

It's important that we are in the word together, studying it together.

I just continue to think about that couple. What do you think would have happened

if she felt the Lord wanted them to pay for someone's mortgage,

and he wasn't a believer or he wasn't actively listening to the Lord also?

What do you think would have happened?

Probably that family wouldn't have given anything.

But because Christ is at the center and they're studying the word together and

they're reading the word together.

God spoke to both of them about that need, and he trusted her heart on that.

It's important to study the Word of God together. Number four,

put Christ first in conflict.

Man, this is something I struggle with.

I always thought when we first got married that we had to fight to win.

You know, you're in a fight. We're in a battle. I got to win this battle.

What would your marriage look like if you put Christ first with your conflict?

Would you be hurling mean things at each other, hurtful words at each other?

Would you scream like you do? Would you run each other into the ground?

This is so important.

Instead of fighting to win, we have to fight to understand and to love. Next slide, please.

Instead of fighting to win, fight to understand and to love.

Look what Ephesians 4 says. Be angry.

You know, it's not a sin to be angry.

But he says, be angry and do not sin.

Don't sin. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath or your anger.

Man, the other night, Jen and I got into a...

Loud discussion, right? We were in a loud discussion. That's pastor talk for fight.

I went up to the bedroom. I was exhausted. It's been a really busy week,

a lot of things going on, and I was angry.

I was annoyed, and so I just was like, I just didn't want to deal with it, and I walked away.

I know she was mad at me. I was mad at her, and I laid in bed,

and I tried to go to sleep, And I was not there for more than five or six, seven minutes.

And the Lord began to say, are you fighting to win?

Are you fighting to win? Or are you fighting to understand? Or are you fighting to love her?

And I knew I was guilty. I was fighting to win. And so I went down the hall.

She was climbed in bed with Easton doing their nightly routine,

reading and praying. and I just walked over to her and I grabbed her hand,

even though she looked like she wanted to beat me.

I grabbed her hand and I just whispered a prayer.

I don't even know what I said. Something like, Lord, we love each other and we love you.

We don't want to hurt each other. I'm sorry.

Help us to love each other better. Amen. And then I said, love you guys.

Night. And I went straight down the hall, and I went to bed.

And everything's been perfect since.

Listen, stop fighting to win. Fight to understand each other.

Fight for your love of each other.

You got to fight for the thing that is important to you, and that's your wife.

Colossians 3.13 says, bearing with one another and forgiving one another,

if anyone has a grievous against each other.

Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you are also to forgive.

As you put Christ first in your conflict,

you're going to learn quickly to offer forgiveness to your spouse.

You're going to learn quickly to offer grace to your spouse or to your child,

mercy to your children or to your spouse.

Number five, love each other as Christ loves the church.

We're going to dive into these verses more in the coming weeks.

But if you want to win your relationship, win in your relationships,

here's what it looks like.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Husbands, we need to lead in love and sacrifice.

Love and sacrifice. You know, we were blessed to know Lori Payne.

I think we knew her for a year, year and a half maybe, when we met them and

invited them to church, and she was able to get baptized this past year.

And when she passed away, it went fast.

It went really fast. I've never seen a husband lead with love and sacrifice

like I watched Rod lead Lori.

One night I was running, as I often do, out at Big Woods.

Gunnar and I, my dog, my black lab, we got done running and dying.

I'm just sweating like a dog.

No pun intended for my dog. But I'm just there, and I'm just like,

can't catch my breath. And I look up, and there's Rod and Lori.

And we hadn't seen them for a while because her condition had gotten worse and worse.

And I'm like 10 feet away from them in the car. And they had backed into a parking space.

And they got the windows rolled down. and it was a nice evening and they're

watching the sunset and they're eating ice cream cones.

And I just looked at Ron, I was like, man, the way he loves his wife.

And how many times yesterday we heard at the open house, man,

I want to love like Rod loved Lori.

Sacrificial that will be there and do anything and everything for the wife.

Women, Ephesians 5, 22 through 24, wives, submit to your husbands as to the

Lord, because the Lord is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

He is the Savior of the body. Now, as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything.

And I know a lot of y'all are like, I ain't submitting to anybody.

I am my own person this isn't what I'm saying this is what God says it's not

cultural, it's biblical listen, we're going to dive deeper into these passages

in the coming weeks but wives,

support and encourage your husband's leadership no, you are not a slave that's

not what it's talking about you are not degraded you are not of less worth or

value and you don't have less say.

It's a partnership.

But support and encourage your husband's leadership.

But men, the responsibility of your families and for your marriage to put Christ

at the center of it, guess who it falls on? It falls on you, men.

God has charged you to put Christ at the center of your marriage.

To lead your spouse, to lead your family in everything focused on Christ.

Loving each other like Christ loved the church, that's winning in marriage and in your relationships.

He's selfless. He gave up his life for you.

And I want to encourage you this morning to put Christ at the center of your relationships.

Music.

To play here. Jeremy, the keyboard's muted. She's going to play softly.

I just want to ask you guys, ask the Lord, seek him right now.

Maybe you're single,

and you feel like the challenge for you today is to start focusing on your own

life to be all that you are supposed to be.

So at the right time, God brings you that woman of God or that man of God.

Maybe you're in a relationship right now and you could even be Christians.

You could attend church. You could serve, but maybe you've put your kids in first place.

Maybe you put your job in first place,

I don't know where you're at but just take a moment,

and we want to pray and ask the Lord,

what it is exactly we need to do in order to put him at the center of every

marriage every family every relationship every life.

Music.

Room this size, I know that there are people that are here that are damaged, that are bruised,

that are broken, that are hurting from words, from years of pain.

I am so grateful and thankful that you are our healer and you can bring healing

to any marriage, any relationship, any life.

And that starts with putting you first.

If you're here and you've never given your heart over to the Lord,

you've never given your life to Christ,

this is what it means. It means saying, God, I know I'm a sinner.

I know that I can't get to heaven on my own. I know that you sent Jesus to die

for my sin because you love me.

And I confess that I'm a sinner. And I believe that you are Jesus, that you are God.

I'm going to live for you and I'm going to stop living for me.

And ask him to come into your heart and life. and he will.

He will. He's pursuing after you.

He's.

Music.

Intermarriage and you're just feeling like, why bother?

You need to know that God is the God of second and third and fourth chances.

And he can heal any broken relationship. He can heal any broken,

bond.

So Father, we pray that you would heal marriages.

That there would be a time of confession between people which would bring healing.

Let us seek you with all of our hearts. we put you at the center of our lives.

Music.

Go with us now as we head out into our week be with those that will be doing

the prayer experiences tonight and tomorrow I just pray that you'd meet with them there,

thank you for what you're doing in our hearts and lives so humbled to be a part

of what you're doing here at Generations we love you Thank you for allowing

us to be with you this morning.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Music.

You've been listening to the Generations Church Podcast. If you'd like more

information about Generations Church,

feel free to get in touch with us at info at generationchurch.us or head over

to our website www.generationchurch.us.

Thanks for listening. Bye.

Music.