Joy Week 3: Enjoying Your Family

Music.

Philippians 2 and talking about what it really looks like to enjoy family,

even when it's not always easy.

Relationships can be messy, but God gives us a better way through the example of Jesus.

When we choose humility over pride, unity over division, and honor over criticism,

our homes can reflect the heart of Christ.

Let's lean into what it means to be like-minded, selfless, and servant-hearted, just like Jesus.

We believe this message will challenge and encourage you to bring more joy and

grace into your family relationships. Let's jump in.

How you doing on your joy meter this morning?

I'm not sure if someone just tripped and fell or if your joy is actually doing really good.

I hope this morning that you are finding joy in life and finding joy in community

and finding joy in the Word of God.

We started a series on joy about three weeks ago, and then we took a break last

week for Mother's Day, and we had a great time together with a conversation of moms and grandmas.

And so if you missed that, make sure you go back and listen to that.

It was just a really encouraging time, a really sweet time with tears and Kleenex

boxes and all that good stuff.

So joy is something that seems to be one of those things that we talked about

a few weeks ago. Like it's a carrot out in front of the donkey, right?

Like we're always constantly trying to find joy.

How do we find joy? Week one, we found that joy is found when we do life face-to-face with God.

There's joy that is found in the presence of God.

This morning, we're going to talk about how we can enjoy spending time with our families. Oh, boy.

That's one of those things, like, there are times when I absolutely love spending time with my family.

And there are times when I don't absolutely love spending time with my family.

I came across an article in a newspaper that a lady had written about this when

it came to spending Thanksgiving with families.

And she wrote in and she said, last Thanksgiving, I decided to host a dinner

for my, not just family, extended family thinking it'll be great.

There'll be food. There'll be laughs. There'll be bonding.

She says that optimism lasted exactly 17 minutes, just long enough for my uncle

to explain the entire plot to a movie I hadn't seen yet.

But for my cousin to reveal that she's now an energy healer for cats,

apparently it's a real thing, and for my mom to ask in front of everyone if

I'm ever going to give her grandchildren or at least get a treadmill so I can

better take care of myself.

And yet, she said, somewhere between my aunt criticizing how I peeled the potatoes

and my dad confusing Alexa with the microwave, I realized something.

No one can drive me as crazy as my family. Amen.

However, no one else can also make me laugh as hard either.

And then she said this. This is hilarious. It's like living in your favorite

sitcom, but you can't change the channel.

And everyone else thinks they're the star.

That's so true, isn't it? When

you look through the pages of Scripture and you read through the Bible,

you will realize that the families presented in the Bible are just as messed

up and just as complicated and just as messy as our families, as your families.

In the Old Testament, you start off in Genesis and you have Noah and Abraham and Isaac and Jacob.

And if you think about that, Noah and his wife had three sons.

Three daughters-in-law who entered the ark with them, right?

And the first thing that happened after they came out of the ark was that Noah planted a vineyard.

He got drunk and naked and cursed one of his sons and wished slavery upon him.

So we have a good history of family dysfunction, right, in the Old Testament.

What about Abraham? Well, he lied about his wife, Sarah, twice.

And then he agreed with her that he would have a son with her hand-bainting. Not a good idea.

And then when that actually happened, Sarah went through the roof and insisted

that he throw her and the child out in the cold. when Abraham and Sarah finally

did have a son, what did Abraham do?

He took Isaac out, right? He was going to sacrifice his son, Isaac on an altar.

Can you imagine how that went across with Sarah? Honey, don't freak out.

I know we've waited a hundred years and we've got this beautiful young boy,

but the Lord told me I'm going to go kill him today.

And so I'll be back later in the afternoon.

Are you kidding me? What about Isaac when he grows up?

Yes, he was spared, but can you imagine the trauma that that young boy had growing up?

Remembering being on the altar tied down with his dad standing over him with

a knife talk about ptsd holy cow the nightmares that boy had,

Isaac was spared, but he grew up and then he had a wife named Rebecca and they

were blessed with twins.

But if you'll remember, they each favored the other one.

And it set the husband against the wife. There was continual conflict in that family.

Then Jacob, Jacob married four women.

We were talking about, we were joking last week about Utah.

Susan was out in Utah and that was a common thing in Mormonisms,

I would encourage you not to do that.

One wife is enough. Amen, fellas?

Amen. I'm not saying wives—I'll just stop right there.

But Jacob married four women, and he only loved his second wife and had no feelings for the other three.

And together they had 12 sons.

I'm not saying that played into the drama, but it could of.

And then 10 of those sons decided to murder the 11th son, but then they changed

their mind and decided, we won't kill him.

We'll just throw him in a pit, sell him off as a slave.

How kind, what a kind gesture.

That son that they sold off was Joseph, right?

The Bible is filled with drama and messed up families.

Weird uncles, crazy fathers, angry siblings killing each other.

And I think scripture includes them and even highlights them because God wants

us to know, and here's the big idea for you today, that although families can

be messy and complicated and difficult,

Families are a place where we can experience an incredible amount of joy and fulfillment.

Addison, can you put that up there, please? Pay attention. I love you. That's my daughter.

This morning, we are going to be looking at Philippians chapter 2,

Philippians 2 · chapter mention

which we just had Joy read a few minutes ago.

And we're simply going to be pulling out principles and attitudes that need

to be implemented into our lives if we're going to be able to enjoy our families.

But I would also say this is not just these principles that are going to help us enjoy our families.

These are principles that will help you enjoy relationships in general. Okay.

And before we go into God's word, let's just go to him in prayer and ask his

blessing upon our time together.

Father, we love you so much and we're so grateful to be here.

Thank you for speaking to us in your word. You breathe out your little word to us.

And so help us to implement it and take it and chew on it and to apply what

we read and what we study today. We love you in Jesus' name. Amen.

Philippians 2, we're going to

walk through this together. Basically one through eight or nine in detail.

But it says this, starts off in verse one. And therefore, if you have any encouragement

from being united with Christ,

if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the spirit,

if any tenderness and compassion, he says in verse 2, then make my joy complete by being like-minded.

He's saying, if you will do this one thing, you're not just going to have joy

for yourself, but you're going to make me happy too.

Because I want to see God do an incredible work in your lives.

And I sense what he's saying there. I want these things for you guys.

I want you to be able to read and to apply the scripture into your lives.

He says, being like-minded, having the same love, and being one in spirit and of one mind.

And so here Paul goes to the basics of the Christian faith as he writes about

our motivation as Christians to be full of unity, to be together in unity, and to be full of love.

And verse 1, if we read it in English, it's almost like Paul's questioning, right?

He's saying, if, if, if, if there's comfort, if there's encouragement,

if you've gotten anything from Christ's love, if there's a commonality of sharing

the spirit of love together in unity.

But in the Greek, this verse implies an affirmative answer answer,

suggesting that there is indeed consolation of love in Christ.

You could actually use the word since in these verses rather than the word if.

Paul uses this as an appeal. He's saying, because of these things,

live your life in such a way that you're in the bond of unity and you're in love with the people.

Our lives should reflect the fact that in our deepest times of need,

we ourselves have received comfort.

We received love.

And then Paul says, if you share the same Holy Spirit, or substitute,

since, since you share the same Holy Spirit, then we should be living with tenderness

for one another, and we should be living with compassion for one another.

Well, that's all great stuff, but what in the world does this have to do with enjoying our families?

See, we just mentioned a minute ago that joy doesn't come from circumstances.

Rather, it comes from walking face to face in the presence of God.

So if you want to have a family that is full of joy, then each member of your

family must be like-minded, number one, like-minded.

Let me say this up front. This is much easier said than done.

This is the goal that we put forward, the goal that we want to teach to our

kids, the model that we live out before them since the time they're born.

Notice that when Paul tells believers to be like-minded, he's encouraging unity

among Christians through shared attitudes and values and purpose.

And so as Christian families, we must teach biblical attitudes,

values, and purpose to our children.

If we experience that in our lives as Christians, then we have to model that

and teach that to our kids and to future generations.

In a family, being like-minded doesn't mean you always agree with everything and everyone.

Seems a lot of times in our families, we disagree a lot.

I want to go here. No, I want to go there. I want to do this. No, I want to do that.

It's too cold. It's too hot. Our kids do not need to agree with us in order for them to be obedient.

They don't even have to understand. We walked through this yesterday with one

of our kids and he didn't understand.

He said, it doesn't matter that you don't understand. You still have to obey.

Our kids, they're not going to agree with their siblings and their choices and

what's done in the household.

But it does mean this, that regardless, we have to be united in love,

respect, and have a willingness to serve one another in spite of our differences.

That's good stuff just in life. That we don't have to, you don't have to be

like me for me to love you.

You don't have to be like me for me to serve you. I'm going to love you because

the love of Jesus Christ is in me.

And so we must be united in love, respect, and have a willingness to serve one another.

I think of the three-legged race. You guys know what that is, right?

I was tempted to have a couple of volunteers and maybe have Pauline come up

and do the three-legged race with someone and run with Lisa.

We'll tie their legs together. No, Elijah.

Arms raised back there. But we tie the legs together, right? And we try to run.

But when we run in opposite directions, what happens?

We fall. Most of the time when we run in the same direction, we fall.

But there's something that's got to be there that ties those legs together.

And I think the answer to that is not just a Velcro strap or rope on the inside legs,

but in a spiritual sense, what keeps us running in unity in the same direction

is what Paul says in verse 2 when he says, having the same love being one in spirit and of one mind.

The phrase same love refers to a shared affection and commitment among believers

that are rooted in Christ.

In order for us to run in unity, we have to be rooted in Christ.

And the love of Christ not only empowers us, but motivates us in our actions

in the church and in our families.

And so we have to have that same love rooted in Christ.

What is it that will keep families like-minded and running in the same direction?

It's a relationship and love for pleasing Christ.

Parents, grandparents, if we can get our kids and our grandkids to love pleasing

Christ more than pleasing themselves, man, Dr. Phil would be out of a job.

The bookstores would stop selling parenting books.

Brothers would want to please Christ.

Instead of being hateful or mean and spiteful to their siblings.

Because kids that want to please Jesus will know and will understand that when

they're disobedient to their parents,

that when they're disobedient or disrespectful to family members,

that in reality, they are sinning against a holy God.

That when they're disobedient, they're actually being disobedient to Jesus Christ.

That when they treat their siblings badly, they're sinning against the Lord.

So we must instill into our families a desire to love and please Christ early on in their lives.

And whether you're a single mom, a single dad, a grandparent,

maybe you're raising your grandkids, it makes no difference.

Our number one goal has to be that they come to know Christ.

As their Savior. Your number one goal, make sure they come to know Christ as their Savior and Lord.

I say those two things because that's what it takes.

It's not just salvation, but you have to submit to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

That means I'm submitting my life on a daily basis to His desires for my life

instead of my own desires for my life.

We need salvation, but it should be followed up with lordship.

We need lordship in our lives.

So number one, we must be like-minded, but secondly, we have to learn to do

nothing out of selfish ambition.

Again, these are easy things to say as they're so much harder to do.

Kids don't naturally come inside the house, kick off their shoes,

and look around and say, man, I wonder how I can serve someone today.

I wonder how I can serve my mom today. Wouldn't that be great, moms?

I wonder, maybe I should do the dishes for mom.

Maybe I should pick up poop so dad doesn't step in it when he's mowing.

Maybe I should do this. Maybe I can be sweet to my siblings by doing this or this or this. No.

We must put others above ourselves, Paul says.

Most of us, we struggle with that.

We innately are human nature. We are all about ourselves.

Wasn't there a country song? It's all about me. It's all about me. Anyone know country?

Come on, right? There was a song about that. It's all about me.

That's our mindset. It's all about me. It's all about my thing.

It's what I want to do. It's where I want to go.

But as Christians, we have to reverse that. We have to change and say,

I'm going to be more about them.

We have to begin to put others above ourselves.

Paul says we can't be like that anymore. Verse 3 says, do nothing out of selfish ambition.

Nothing pretty much covers everything. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.

It is really even hard to imagine what our families would be like.

If each one of us was other-oriented. Can you imagine?

We wouldn't even look like the same families. Instead of everyone arguing where

to go after church to eat, and of course, this is just an example,

this wouldn't be my family.

We put each other's needs above our own.

Isn't it true that arguments come from selfishness? And this is just a general principle of life.

All of our arguments come, James says, from desires.

James 4, 1 and 2, what is the source of wars and fights among you?

Other versions say quarrels.

Don't they come from your passions that wage war within you?

You desire and you do not have, he said. You want something.

Man, that comes naturally. We didn't have to teach our little kid to say no.

They just automatically do it. Why? Because from birth.

They're about themselves and they have desires and they want.

James says, you murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and you wage war.

Notice it starts with these little things and then it goes up to murder and then waging war.

Our selfish desires, if we feed them and they will grow, you have no idea what

kind of damage can be done when we don't put others first.

Mom and dads, where do they learn these things? Grandma, grandpa,

where do they learn these things?

From you, right? There used to be an old, when I was a kid, there used to be

a drug, a drug commercial, don't do drugs. Maybe it was dare. I don't know.

And the kid's smoking or doing something in his bedroom. And the dad comes in.

He's like, where did you learn how to do this? You remember what he says?

Dad, I learned it from watching you.

We learn stuff. We pick up things from our parents and from our grandparents.

So parents, it's got to start with us.

If we're going to have families that are like-minded, then we ourselves need

to be desiring other people's wishes and put other people above ourselves.

We have to put the needs and emotions of others above our own.

I came across this video not too long ago, and it represents this so well. It's really short.

See, John, make sure you have the volume up on the computer go ahead and play

this addy check this out volume please,

they just scored the winning touchdown that kid

white watch that kid right there the other team man they're all celebrating

the white team celebrating he goes around and he's loving on people comforting

the other team that's incredible i want my kids to do that instead of going off and celebrating.

Yeah, it's great to celebrate, and we want to celebrate that.

But what if we had an awareness about ourselves?

Everywhere we went, if we were always aware about the people that are around us.

There used to be a book back in the early 90s, 80s, late 80s,

early 90s, called The Heart Whisperer.

This wasn't in my notes. It was just one of those ADD moments that just ran

across and I had to grab it, but it was all about what if we lived in such a

way that we could hear the feelings of those around us?

Would we stop and would we pray for people? Would we stop and talk to them?

Would we encourage them?

Would we give them money? Would we help them more?

It's all about putting others before ourselves.

I don't know if that young man is a Christian or not, but I'd say he probably

has some really good parents.

In the midst of winning, he cared more about the guys he was playing against,

and what they were experiencing and the pain that they were experiencing and

going through than he did about celebrating with his own team.

And that's the kind of people we need to raise up.

If we're going to enjoy our families, we have to be like-minded.

We have to put away selfish ambitions, and we need to value others above ourselves.

That's number three, value others above ourselves.

We just read it, but let's read it again. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

That's what we're getting rid of. We're getting rid of that self-ambition.

We're getting rid of the conceitedness that we have, carrying that with us.

We're doing away with that in our lives.

That pursuit of self, it's going to be gone.

And then he continues, rather in humility, value others above yourselves,

not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interest of the others.

You see, when you're in Christ, you no longer pursue self-promotion.

You're no longer about vain conceit and how great you are in other people's eyes.

Instead, you begin to look for ways to encourage and to build others up.

Let me ask you as families, how are you doing? How are you doing siblings,

young people, teens? How are you doing?

Are you valuing your brothers, your sisters?

Joy reaches over and just hugs her brother. That's so sweet.

Paul sums up this passage with a defining statement for what our relationships should look like.

In verse 5, he says, in your relationships with one another,

have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.

Oh, that's all. We just have to be like Jesus.

He says, have the same mindset. I love how the CSB translates it.

It says, adopt the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus.

Instead of just having, it's adopt. There's a work to it that we have to do.

For those of you who have gone through the adoption process,

you know and you understand that adoption is something that's done intentionally, isn't it?

It doesn't just happen overnight. It's intentional.

It takes time. It takes discipline. It takes sacrifice. It takes work.

And that's what this is like. When we put on this new attitude,

the same mindset of Christ, it doesn't just happen when you get saved.

It happens from spending time in the Word of God and by renewing your mind,

spending that time face-to-face in the presence of Christ.

It's not instantaneous.

Paul tells us in Ephesians 4 that we have to take off the old and we have to be renewed in our mind.

He says, take off your former way of life, that old self that is corrupted by deceitful desires.

Verse 23, to be renewed in the spirit of your minds and to put on the new self,

the one created according to God's likeness in righteousness and purity of the truth.

If we're going to have the mind of Christ, we have to get rid of the old self.

That's corrupted, Scripture says.

The desires that we're born with are corrupt and sinful and wrong.

We're born into this world in sin.

As we grow and we come to know Christ, we have to acknowledge his lordship,

his lordship over our lives.

How do we become renewed in our minds? Let me give you two ways,

and we're almost done. We're wrapping up here.

How do we become renewed in our minds? Two ways. The first way is through God's

word, through God's word.

Romans 12 says, do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing

of your mind so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.

Hebrews 4 describes this word that renews our mind.

He says, the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any double-edged

or two-edged sword, penetrating as far as the separation of soul and spirit, joints and marrow.

It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

Culture and the world does not define sin.

God's Word does, and God's Word illuminates and reveals to us where we are in

our lives and where we should be.

Psalm 19 says, the instruction of the Lord is perfect.

Do you know God's Word is perfect?

Renewing one's life you want to be renewed in

your spirit you want to have that joy you feel like you're just struggling and

you're you're missing out on joy let me ask you how much time are you spending

with the joy giver are you spending time every day meditating in his word chewing

it and applying it to your lives.

Erwin Lutzer, he's pastor at Moody Church. I'm not sure he's still there, but it's in Chicago.

He said the difference between worldliness and godliness is a renewed mind.

You want a renewed mind? Be in the Word of God.

Secondly, our minds are renewed by the working of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 8, 5-6 says, Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set

on what the flesh desires, but those who live according to the Spirit have their

minds set on what the Spirit desires.

The mind controlled by the flesh is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.

The Holy Spirit works within us to make our thinking align with God's character,

and it changes and it helps us to reflect Christ in our relationships,

in our attitudes, and in our actions.

Number four, if we're going to enjoy our families, we must learn to become good forgivers.

Husbands, wives, did you have any idea when you got married how much you would need forgiveness?

How much you would need grace? How much you would need mercy.

Jen often would say when we first got married, I never knew how angry I could

get until we got married.

But then the kids came and she

said, I was wrong. I never knew how angry I could get until the kids came.

So that took the pressure off of me a little bit. But we have to become good forgivers.

After Paul tells us to have the same mindset as Christ, in verse 5,

Paul goes on and he talks about the very nature and character of God.

And he reminds us that Jesus was equal with God and he became man.

He took on the very nature of a servant.

And verse 8 says that he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

He didn't become obedient just to any type of death.

He became obedient to the worst

imaginable type of death one could experience back in, probably ever.

And he was crucified for us, and he was mocked, and he was spit upon,

and he was beaten, and he was whipped.

So much so that Scripture says he no longer even looked like a man.

And he went through that for you, and he went through that for me.

That we can have a way out of our sin, a way out of our bondage.

And he took the penalty for my sin and for your sin.

And on that cross, he had every right to be angry.

He had every right to cast judgment at those close to him and those that were there.

But instead, what did he do?

The one that had every right in the world to be angry and to cast judgment on them.

He said this, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

That's the attitude that we need to have as families.

Lord, help me forgive them.

They're sinful. Help me shepherd them better.

Ephesians 4 says, And be kind and compassionate to one another,

forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

You see, we don't forgive just because of who we are.

We forgive because we have been forgiven, haven't we?

Our forgiveness of others is motivated

by God's forgiveness of us

through Christ that's why we forgive each other because we've

been forgiven much some of you you've been holding on to some unforgiveness

you don't know what they've done to me you don't know how cruel they've been

you don't know the ways they've sinned against me you're right I don't but if

Jesus Christ could have been sinned against more than you, which he was,

and he could stand there and say, forgive them.

They don't know what they're doing. Then we should be able to forgive too.

Forgiveness of others is motivated by the forgiveness we receive,

but also forgiveness breaks the cycle of hurt in our lives and in our relationships.

Unforgiveness, it fuels bitterness. It fuels resentment. It fuels anger. It fuels retaliation.

And in families, it creates distance and it creates division and hurt and pain and disrespect.

But forgiveness interrupts the cycle and it allows healing to begin.

Corrie ten Boom was a Dutch Christian who, along with her family,

helped hide Jews from the Nazis during World War II.

Eventually, she was caught and sent to Ravensbrück concentration camp where

her sister Betsy died due to the brutal conditions.

Years later after the war, Corrie was speaking at a church in Germany,

and the topic that night was God's forgiveness.

After the message, a man approached her and she immediately recognized him.

It was one of the cruelest guards from the prison camp she had been in.

After the war, he had come to Christ and now he stood before her,

and he asked her for forgiveness.

Fraulein, he said, I've become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me

the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well.

Will you forgive me, he said.

Corrie said in her autobiography she was frozen. Terrified.

The man who tortured her and who helped kill her sister stood there asking for forgiveness.

She wrestled in her heart. And she said every part of her wanted to pull back and walk away.

But then she remembered that forgiveness is not a feeling. It's an act of obedience.

Forgiveness is obedience. Forgiveness is an act of trust. And so she prayed silently in a moment.

And then she extended her hand.

She said, I forgive you, brother.

With all my heart, I forgive you.

She later said in that moment that she had never felt God's love so intensely

overcome her as when she offered forgiveness in Christ's name.

Corey's act wasn't just about letting go of bitterness. It was about putting

someone's else need for grace above her own comfort.

About someone else's need for forgiveness above her own rights.

And her own innate desire that she had for justice to be served to this man.

Yet that's what Jesus did for us. And that's what he calls us to do for others.

You want to have joy in your family, you've got to do life together,

walking in the presence of God.

And I know it's hard and we fail at it every day, but every time we fail,

we gather them all up and we say, okay, this is why we're doing what we're doing.

We forgive because Christ forgave us. We love because Christ loves us.

We put others first because we are called to live for him and not for ourselves.

I want to challenge you. Every eye, let's just bow our heads,

close our eyes. And I just want to challenge you this morning.

You know where you're at personally. Is there someone that you're holding bitterness

against where you just feel like you need to judge them?

I pray the lord and the holy spirit would just put that person's name in your,

mind right now and we want to

release that to the lord this morning we want

to release the bitterness we want to release the anger

whether it's a sibling you haven't talked

to in years or a child or a grandchild I

want to encourage you

to let it go and give them to the Lord just take a moment where you're at and

just give them to the Lord and offer forgiveness doesn't have to be some elaborate

prayer can just be God I don't feel like forgiving them but I'm supposed to

forgive them so I choose to forgive them.

Of you you maybe you've given up hope on someone in your family let me encourage you to keep praying,

god is a god of miracles keep loving them keep putting them above yourself,

keep serving them keep shining the light of jesus in front of them it's not

in vain god will be glorified either way,

Heavenly Father, we desire to be men and women that reflect your glory.

Families that point people to Jesus.

We desire to be a church that loves people well.

Lord, help us to have a sensitivity of your Holy Spirit.

Give us the joy. joy, return the joy of our salvation to us.

We ask that you would move in our hearts, move in our families this week. Let us walk in your ways.

Let us apply the truths of Scripture today. Change us forever, your name I pray. Amen.

Music.