Better Together | Week 3 | Pastor Micah Sutton

Last week?

Well, two, two weeks ago we started a new series called better together.

And our first sermon was about community.

And our last lesson last week was about family and pastor Benton did a phenomenal job.

Amen.

Where are you?

If you weren't here to hear that, then I really encourage you to go online and listen to it or watch it as your preference may be

Great job.

I love working with a team.

A team is community,

And we're talking about this idea of community and working better and being better together.

In fact, we're created to live in community.

Uh, I don't want to shock anybody here today, but it takes

Two people

To make one baby it's

It's community.

Community

Is always necessary regardless of how it goes in life.

And it's always going to take two people to make one baby community is necessary for the human species to continue to move forward.

But it's not just for procreation from survival to sanity.

We need one another.

In fact, psychologists tell us that our brains change when we are alone for too long, if we're alone too long, we can have everything from feeling unique feelings that are not real, but they are real to us in that moment, all the way to seeing ghosts, to having full conversations with imaginary beings, psychologists, psychiatrists have watched this happen.

In fact, Frank McAndrew, professor of psychology said, it's clear that meaningful connection to other people is, is as essential to health.

As the air, we breathe meaningful connection to other people.

We have a lot of meaning, less connections with other people throughout the day and throughout the world.

But we have meaningful connections as well.

Right now we're having some meaningful con connections with people that are with us online.

They're not in person, but this is a meaningful connection.

We've we have people from Hawaii that watched from Texas, from Louisiana, from Georgia.

We've had people in Chicago that watched.

We have people in different parts of Africa that watch.

We have people I've heard recently.

Somebody emailed me on Facebook or messaged me on Facebook from the Philippines.

That's watching.

We have people from Portugal that are watching that are there in this isn't meaningless.

This is a meaningful connection that's going on because we're sharing the word of Christ.

We're sharing a bond, a family unit, the family of God.

It's a meaningful connection.

And it's essential as the air we breathe.

And so today I want to take this one step further.

Talk about friends.

What does the Bible say about friends?

Proverbs chapter 18, verse number 24 says a man who has friends must himself be friendly.

Proverbs 18 · chapter mention

But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

The wisest man ever to live is putting an emphasis and even a warning on this concept of friendship.

Everybody likes friends.

I like friends.

Even if you say you don't like friends, you do like friends, because if you didn't have any friends, you wouldn't have anybody to complain about the fact that you don't like friends too.

We liked friends and we won't to be friends.

And here's the big idea today.

If you're a note taker, please write this down.

The, and I apologize.

I cha I heard about this in the first service, but I changed some of my notes and the way I was saying things from when the, the notes in the service guide were printed.

So just if something doesn't match, cross it out and let it, let it be known for an hour.

And for always, it was my fault.

The office did it.

Right.

Amen.

Okay.

Having made that perfectly clear.

Here we go.

The big idea, the right, the good friendships will intentionally elevate your life.

Good friendships will intentionally elevate your life when we're, when we're wanting friends.

And when we're being friends, when we're assessing friendships, good friendships will always intentionally elevate your life.

Have three thoughts for us today.

And thought, number one is this good friendships are built on, um, and values too many things.

Times we get into a friendship based upon an activity or the moment not upon the values that we hold and the, the difficulty that we end up finding ourselves in is that at the beginning, it's not a problem because, because the friendship is very surface level.

You're just dealing with little things.

You just talk about nonsensical stuff.

You're just, it's not anything that's going to make our difference in your life concerning how you live, where you go, what you do, the values that you hold.

But at some point, if that friendship continues, it's going to go a little deeper than that.

And when it goes deeper than that, you're going to discover.

There will be, or there won't be areas of tension.

Now in every relationship, I don't care what relationship it may be.

You're going to have areas of tension.

The question is, are they, are they areas of tin of tension that are going to draw you into becoming better?

Or they areas of tension that are going to pull you into being not better or more worser.

As some people would say, are they going to help you come closer to Christ or pull you further away from them?

When you have common values, it allows you to build one another up.

It allows to take one another forward.

It allows you to help that you and the friend become better people.

Common value values take us further.

But the scripture tells us that a man who has friends must himself be friendly.

And, and I always read that for years.

I read that as if I want to be, if I want to have friends, I have to be a good friend,

Right?

So be nice and you'll have friends.

And

To a point that is true.

There's another reality within the context it's of scripture.

And if you go back to original language, you actually find out it's carrying a lot more weight on it than at first would appear.

And the greater weight is this.

Solomon is saying, if you're going to be a friend, then you know that you are going to be expected to, to bring something to the relationship.

And a friend is going to be expected to bring something to the relationship.

If no one's bringing anything to the relationship, it's not a relationship.

So now we're both bringing something to the relationship.

And what Solomon is saying is be careful how you choose your friends, because you don't know what they're going to ask

From you.

And you don't know, can they deliver what you need out of your, in your life for a man to have friends, he must show himself friendly.

He must be willing to pour out what the friend needs and the friend must be willing and able to supply a need that he might have in his own life.

There's a lot of people in this world that have surface relationships and they find this tension.

And what they discover is that somebody is requiring something from them that does not align with the values that they hold.

And so if values have never been a driving point of your life, and you find this constant tension with your friendships, you, you, you should step back and say, okay, what are their values versus mine?

Where are we aligned?

I'm a child of God.

And biblical values are very important to me, but my friend is not a child of God.

They're not a believer.

And so their value system is simply different.

I'm not saying that they're bad people.

I'm not saying that they're horrible.

There's a lot of great people who are not believers, but they're fantastic people in this world.

Can we say Amanda, that, but the value system may be different.

The thing that they're basing their life upon not being the word of God is going to inherently develop different value systems within their lives.

And so your values must be compatible your friends, or you are in consistent tension, and that's not easy to achieve, not easy to achieve at all.

And so when you find those kinds of friends, I encourage you guard that group of people very carefully, be careful with those friends and not everybody using friend language is actually a friend.

It

Is very easy to meet people today.

And bye say, bye bye.

Becoming acquaintances.

Suddenly there's a friendship that is assumed.

Proximity does not equal relationship.

I might sit in the same office as you.

That doesn't mean we're friends.

Thank you, pastor Michael, for telling the truth.

That is simply the truth and nothing but the truth, but I'm not going to act like I know about it, but you did a great job.

Okay.

Very good.

I heard, heard you were good.

Not yet everybody using different languages, a friend in reality, because they may or may not hold the common values.

Good friends exist and bad friends exists, which leads us to fault.

Number two, that good friends, encouraged love and good works.

The scripture actually tells us in Hebrews chapter number 10, the writer is writing about the church.

People who are holding common values, following Christ.

He says, let us hold fast.

The confession of our hope without wavering for he who promises or promised is faithful.

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as the manner of some.

That means don't quit getting together face to face.

Like some people do as in the matter of some, but exhorting one another.

That means that means actually verbally saying, come on guys, come on, man, come on friend, come on.

Like exhorting one, another encouraging one another and so much.

So, so, so much more.

I'm going to read next week, but so much the more as you see the day approaching.

So what he's talking about is the closer we get to the second coming of Jesus Christ, the more important coming together and assembling as people holding common values becomes why?

Because the closer we get to the second coming of Christ, the more intentional we have to become as to who we are connected to who we are together with because the values of the world become increasingly antichrist.

And we need the support of people who hold the Christ like values to be able to stay strong.

Here's a secret.

I know you've not, you've never heard this.

This is going to blow your mind.

It's easier to pull people downhill than uphill.

Every time

It's easier to get you go to your base in nature than it is to rise to your God-given nature.

It's easier to learn bad words than good words.

You, you, you, you won't even have to try to teach your child swear words.

Well, we don't say those things in our house.

Yeah.

But three aisles away in Kroger.

Somebody did and they learned it.

Yeah.

Okay.

I got to move on.

I promise you the shortest sermon ever.

I was sitting in, in the, I was sitting in our living room in Kona and Tallinn was like, just in school and he's playing this bitty video game

And he is cursing up a storm.

I mean, and I'm like,

And everything within me, I wa I'm levitating off the chair right now.

And I want to go in there and exercise some demons and the old fashioned way, you know, I mean, we're gonna, there's going to be some laying on of hands and some weeping and wailing, and there's going to be woo, hot.

I'm ready.

But then I thought, how does he know this?

He's not heard this in this house.

And so I'll walk into the room and I say, Hey buddy.

He goes, Hey dad,

What are you doing?

Well, this BBB BPPP person is doing that a lot.

Okay.

What do you know about that?

That, you're what you're saying right now.

Oh yeah, yeah.

That, I don't know.

Kids stayed in school.

Okay.

Well, do you know what it means?

No.

This is what it means.

And this is why actually Paul's the game.

This is what it means.

And this is why we don't say it in our home.

So I explained what the particular swear word that he was, you know, speaking quite fervently can consistently, um, it's the mother of all swear words.

And I'm like, you know what this means?

And he's like, no.

And so I explained what he means and it's like, well then why do people say it?

Because that doesn't even make sense in the sentence.

That's my boy right there.

You're exactly right.

It does not make any sense in that sentence.

So don't say it.

Okay.

And away we went common values.

It's easy to come down as hard to go up.

Hebrews says, look, good friendships, have some common characteristics.

First you intentionally consider one another.

It's not an afterthought.

You're very intentional about doing it.

I'm great.

I'm grateful to be on some email chains.

I say grateful a little bit loosely sometimes, but uh, some email chains from some of our life groups and they send lots and lots of emails to one another.

And on one hand, it's a lot of emails.

But on the other hand, it's a lot of intentional relationship and it's beautiful intentionally, considering one another thinking about one another, it's not self-focused and maybe you might be saying, well, Hey, listen, uh, you know, I'm not one of those extroverts.

I'm an introvert.

And I don't really need anybody.

What if they need you?

What if what God has placed in your life would, would be a value to someone else's life.

And if you took a moment to step into that relationship, to allow that possibility to occur, it might change somebody else's world.

May I even say somebody's eternity?

So

Intentionally considering one another, secondly, engaging one another with purpose, the purpose is stirring up love and good works.

Some groups have a negative common value.

Gangs are an example of that, where it's a negative, common value, but the value system still holds them together.

Paul writes that our good friend group that is spirit led led of God, is it would, um, would, uh, hold these types of fruit coming, have these types of fruit coming from their life.

Galatians 5 22 says, but the fruit of the spirit is love.

Joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness.

Self-control against such things.

There is no law.

You can't move anywhere on the planet where somebody says, Hey, listen, you're just showing way too much.

Love to people around you right now.

That's illegal in this country.

That kind of patients know when, when there's three people at the stoplight and the person at the front of the stoplight is checking their emails on their phone.

And the light turns green.

And everybody, everybody just shows patience and love.

There's no law that says you got to Hawk and, and yell and you know, wave at them.

No law that says you have to, anywhere in the world, patience is okay.

And how do we identify this community?

This is what he says in Galatians 5 24.

He said, and those who belong to Christ, Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

So those who are followers of Christ, Jesus, they have a common value of having crucified self.

And now they're not living for our, we're not living for ourselves.

We're living for Christ and we're living for one another good community, intentionally encourages, love, and good works.

So if you're with people that are intentionally trying to get you to do stuff that isn't right, that you know, isn't right.

It isn't right with God.

It isn't right with culture.

It isn't right with society.

It isn't right against somebody else.

That's tearing other people down.

Those are not your friends.

They are people using you for their own good and for their own agenda, but they are not yours.

Amen.

Because the people that I need in my life are not the people that helped me get worse.

I need the people that are helping to remind me to be better, encouraging me to do what is right versus what is easy, encouraging me to do what versus what is hurtful, elevating everyone versus promoting self-interest.

And that brings us the thought.

Number three, the friendships are built intentionally and maintained personally.

And this is why some people avoid these relationships because it's in your space.

It's, it's up in your business.

It's intrusive.

And sometimes we say, no, I want some distance in my life die.

Maybe, maybe you're an introverted person.

Christie.

My wife is an introverted person.

I understand that she is my best friend and I am her best friend.

And I promise you, the friendship is necessary for both of us.

I'm also extremely introverted myself.

No I'm extroverted.

And I would suggest to some of us in the room who might be extroverted.

Some of us need a little fuel relationships.

You really can't be friends with everybody.

I know a ton of people count.

Many of them.

I would describe many of them as friends, but there are a few people that are set of part uniquely.

And I have fewer of these friends, but there are much deeper in relationship.

And if you are a person who might be extroverted, but you've got a thousand friends that are half an inch deep, you've never gone beyond the idea of, oh, which football, team's your favorite?

Oh, I don't like them or I do you.

You've never gone beyond the, the idea of, Hey, we're going to see one another at sports practice or the game this weekend.

Or if that's the extent you need to develop some more friends than that.

And you need to develop some deeper friends with that.

That cannot be with everybody.

And they must have common values.

Good friendships are built intentionally and maintain.

Personally, you cannot outsource friendship, cannot source friendship.

And we do that a lot with our phones.

I make a post today and I put it out there and I say, Hey everybody, I love all y'all.

Now, if you look at my friends list, don't, don't judge me based upon the posts of people that I'm connected to on Facebook,

Please.

Because many of them, I don't even know many of them.

I do.

But many of them, I don't,

That's not, that's not

The kind of friendship that I'm thinking of that I'm talking about that the scripture is speaking to.

That's an outsourced friendship to

The point where I can schedule posts weeks in advance.

And in somebody

Thinks I'm talking to them right now.

But no, I actually posted that a month ago.

That's not the same thing as face-to-face connecting.

Face-to-face proverb says, as a friend who sticks closer than a brother, he's talking about Jesus, it's prophetic, but it's also true about people in this room right now.

People aren't with us online right now who maybe your family isn't as close to you as some of your friends are.

You have friends that have stuck with you through thick and thin.

And you have family who has waved goodbye.

When you disagreed with them.

I've had conversations with people in this congregation that who, whose children won't speak to them because one of them voted for Trump and one of them voted for Biden.

And now they can't have

A relationship.

One of them feels this way on racial issues.

And one of them feels that way on racial issues.

I'm going to say it as clearly as I can.

Racism is a sin full stop, but how things are handled in our country sometimes is a an opinion issue.

So the question is, can you have an opinion and your friend have an opinion and y'all still maintain relationship.

One of the things I find so beautiful in this congregation is I see people every single week, every single day, who, who disagree with one another politically or disagree with one another in certain areas of life.

But when it comes to their relationship, they remain friends.

Why?

Because the thing that connects them more than anything else, they identify as a Christian first as an American second, or a some version of that Christian first husband, father, family, man, second Korean Christian.

First, when Christ becomes the primary value system of your life, it suddenly allows you to become a little higher level thinking and a little higher level.

Amen.

Praise God.

So sometimes people say things well, my family didn't support me.

And after you look into it a little bit, you realize the church family didn't know anything about it, or how many say the church treated me bad when unrepentant sin was actually the issue, but they didn't have any relationships in their life that could call them out on that.

Without there being a vision of relationship or a fixture or a ripping apart of relationship.

How about I don't have any friends in the church?

Well, have

You made yourself open to friendships?

Will absolutely not.

They should hunt me down.

But if they do, you'll say they're tracking you don't stop me in the foyer.

I want friends.

That's not how that works.

Hebrew says don't stop meeting together.

Like some do.

It's a negative tense and separating from community is hurtful.

It's harmful.

And it divides those that are dedicated to the common values of Christ.

Jesus, our choices as a faith community, five lakes, church determined the description that others around us will have.

Will we be like the church of the new Testament where people said, they knew, Jesus said, they'll know you're my disciples because of their love for one another.

Does that mean they never had a disagreement?

Absolutely not read the new Testament.

They had all kinds of them, but it means they were bounded bound together by something greater than their opinion on a subject, one particular subject matter friend groups or where you make a difference.

And when you meet face to face, that's where you can make the greatest difference.

Life groups are how we do that.

If five lakes, church, any church is too big.

If you don't know anybody, but the largest church in the world can become an intimate group of friends.

When you start building relationships within it, life groups are how we do that intentionally here.

And we're so serious about it.

That I'm about to close this sermon and the service I'm going to ask you not to go to kid's ministry and check out your kids or student ministry.

We're going to have our prayer partners come forward in just a moment.

But I'm going to release you to go to the gym where you'll be able to go around the tables there and see all of the life groups that are being offered this semester.

And I encourage you.

Don't say, well, good out early, I'm gone.

You are out early.

I do want that on your calendar,

But don't be gone and don't go get your kids right now because they are in the middle of their lesson.

This is for you to be able to see what's there.

And what friend group might God be trying to connect with.

And they, how can they elevate your life?

If you're online, check out the life groups that are meeting online.

If you're on site, check out the life groups in the gym.

And so I'm going to pray for us.

Our prayer partners are going to be upfront.

If you need prayer, we never dismiss a service.

So we try not to ever dismiss the service without giving us an opportunity to be, to pray for needs that are here.

And I'm going to ask everybody to just go right to the gym and check out what's available.

So father in the name of Jesus, you've called us to relationship of common values that exist within your family.

You've called us to, uh, relationships, to friendships that encourage us to love and good works that exists within your family.

And so I pray that you would bring us together closer as friends, friends of God and friends with one another to develop those right relationships, those good friendships in our life that elevate us.

And don't bring us down that make us more like you.

And don't cause us to look more like the world we give you.

Thanks and praise for that.

And the awesome name of Jesus.

And let everybody say, Hey man,